


No Backsies.

by Glamorous_Toaster9



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Armageddon, Arranged Marriage, Demons, F/F, F/M, Genderbending, M/M, Multiverse nonsense, Other, Paranormal Investigators, Psychic Abilities, Slow Burn, Tentabulges (Homestuck), completely unplanned plot so I'm very sorry, hell is a violent place ok, memory sharing, painfully long, some cannibalism, some murder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:21:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 57
Words: 175,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23078506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glamorous_Toaster9/pseuds/Glamorous_Toaster9
Summary: Sollux grows stronger day by day but she's learned to embrace her psychic powers, running a packed schedule between college, a part time job at an Asian grocery store and helping a group of obnoxious paranormal investigators keep the mayhem of the supernatural at bay. Everything seems like it's going as well, or as well as it can go, until a demon she's never seen before starts harassing her grocery store co-workers and generally being a b-word.Edited the tags a little because as I started treating this as less of joke prompt in my mind shit got kind of heavy Doc. Like much heavier on the aggressive scary demonic side of the story. I'm still trying to bring the humor but I feel like I ought to warn y'all what you're in for.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Eridan Ampora/Sollux Captor, Eridan Ampora/Tavros Nitram, Eridan Ampora/Vriska Serket, Mituna Captor/Latula Pyrope, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 52
Kudos: 51





	1. Wake Up

**Be Sollux: Wake up**

You woke up drenched in sweat, the knowledge of Armageddon consuming you so thoroughly you couldn’t remember your own place and time for a good few minutes. It could have been any Armageddon really, you had no way of knowing if it was the end of your world or another planet or another timeline. All you ever had the luck of knowing was how gruesome it was going to be. Not every premonition that plagued your dreams was as bad as the one you had just woken up too though. Most of them were too mundane and vague for you to make heads or tails of, but the ones concerning the end of the world, those you couldn’t shake off so easily.

You rolled out of bed and shuffled off to take a shower. You couldn’t very well go to work stinking of fear sweat, and now your sheets would need to be washed too. All in all it was a great start to the day, especially the day before your birthday.

By the time you managed to get out of the house, narrowly escaping being roped into your mom and sister's morning arguefast and jumping over your two ill tempered dogs, you had to sprint to work in the heat to avoid being late.

You worked at a Asian Market about 15 minutes away from your house, and you almost always walked there, since your car was so dangerously close to collapsing you didn’t want to waste what was left of its life on such short trip. 

The day passed, as it usually did with a long string of bland transactions, people judging you for being a black girl working at Asian Market or somehow picking up on your Japanese half and asking you to decipher the packaging for them with hopeful eyes. By the time your break rolled around you were grateful to have a chance to escape the register and step outside, even though the heat made your shirt stick unpleasantly to your stomach.

But when you walked back in, it wasn’t the blast of air conditioning that made every hair on your body stand on end.

“It’s too fuckin’ cold in here. That can’t be too good for business can it?”

The sound of that condescending, literally demonic voice made your skin crawl. You walked back to your register, trying to keep your face neutral while you tried to remember if demons were one of the things that could actively sense and hunt you down because of your powers.

The demon had collected three of your coworkers, including your boss around her, all of them laden down with baskets filled to the brim with food and alcohol, while she sauntered down the aisles, occasionally tossing food at them, sneering when they flinched.

To the other humans in your store, she looked human. You could tell because the air around her shimmered when she moved, but to you she looked anything but. Her skin was gray, her eyes were too big and too yellow, she had horns and a tail and a mouth full of shark teeth, and to top it all off she was wearing nothing but underwear, a pair of hipster glasses and a ratty oversized scarf that dragged on the floor.

You just kept ringing, watching for her out the corner of your eyes, because you were too scared to do anything else.

By the time she made her way over to the register you were the only employee not following her around like a scared duckling, and every other customer had long since fled. You hoped she would just use her influence to walk out of the store without paying, something this demon was clearly able to do, but she seemed to be enjoying herself too much to leave.

“Hello darlin’.”

She leaned towards you and smiled showing too many rows of sharp white teeth to be friendly, while you tried in vain not to look at her mostly naked body and/or blush profusely. Despite never having been able to see the forms demons took on to seduce other humans, you still understood why people fell for it. Demons in their true forms were equal parts familiar and alien, and that was what attraction was all about anyways.

“ W-w-would you mind ringing this all up for me?” 

You swallowed nervously.

“Sure thing.”

Your coworkers started loading the groceries on the belt and you tried to focus on the task at hand, while your demon customer stared at you hungrily. You were so glad you left your apron with your name tag in the back room. The last thing you needed was a demon stalker.

Finally with everything rung up and bagged, you faced the task of reading the total.

You looked at the screen, you tried to say the numbers.

“That’ll be...” Your mouth was suddenly dry, and the words gone.

She smirked and suddenly you weren’t scared anymore. You were furious. It was all you could do not to send her flying across the room. This fucking monster, came into your store, trashed it, turned your coworkers into her slaves, and then she had the audacity to make you ring her up for every single item with no intention of paying for it. You weren’t dumb enough to say fuck you, but you had big enough balls to say the next best thing.

“That’ll be 962.45 would you like to pay in cash or credit?”

She made a face like a fish out of water, and you had never felt so victorious. You struggled to keep your face blank.

“Erm... I’ll pay with c-cash.”

You watched her pull a purse that looked like it was made out of a taxidermy demon angler fish out thin air and throw a bizarre assortment of things onto your counter with barely concealed horror.

Including but not limited to what looked like a necklace of human toes, several boxes of dice, some of which appeared to be changing shape and color at random, and a creature that appeared to be half oversized spiky isopod and half cellphone. The bug-phone, seeming to realize this might be it’s only chance for freedom, skittered desperately towards you while vibrating violently. The demon snatched it up roughly before it could reach you, flipping it open one handed as she slammed a roll of bloody hundreds on the counter.

“Fuck off Kan I’m busy. NO, I’m enjoyin’ my last day a freedom, like you to me too. Yeah, I’ll be there. Asshole.”

She hung up and started shoving her belongings back in her bag furiously.

“Keep the change darlin’. An let’s start gettin’ this to my car, alright? ”

You took the bills, counted out ten and pocketed the rest while your coworkers filed out dutifully with her shopping bags.

You followed them out too, content to play your role as a brainwashed idiot to make sure nobody got seriously hurt.

The demon led you to a rather expensive looking black car that still had all the dealership stickers in the window, and chugged two bottles of sake as you and your coworkers filled the trunk with her haul. When you’d finished she dropped the bottles on the ground and snickered as everyone jumped back as glass shot over the asphalt.

“Thank you so much my little meatheads. Now you all be good, or I’ll be back for more!”

You joined in with the nodding and thanking of your coworkers and kept your head down to avoid the eye contact she was obviously searching for until, she finally scowled and climbed into the car.

When she finally peeled out of the parking the collective sigh of relief echoed in the wind finally turning as evening approached. No one seemed to know exactly what had happened, and you pretended to be just as confused as the rest. Finally, your manager stepped in front of the group, wiping the sweat from his face with his polo. He seemed at a loss for words for a moment, looking out across the parking lot as though it had the answers, before turning back to address you.

“You know, we won’t work tomorrow. Let’s go home yeah?”

As you headed back to the store to collect your things, he stopped you with a hand on your shoulder.

“Sollux, did you get her to pay?” You nodded and he gave you a tiny smile.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. You did very well today.”

It was the nicest thing he had ever said to you, and you walked home on air, with at least two thousand dollars in your pocket and feeling as close to invincible as you ever had.


	2. Wake Up Again

**Be Sollux: Wake Up Again**

When you woke up the next morning, it was from a pleasant restful sleep with few premonitions, and you took a moment to lay in bed and do inventory. Every year on your birthday you stopped to count how many psychic powers you had accumulated.

Unlike Mituna, your twin, your powers seemed to be growing constantly and it was a struggle to control them.

First there was your ability to see and hear supernatural beings even when they didn’t want to be seen, like ghosts, demons and other monsters. And now you could resist a demon’s influence, which was pretty cool. You could manipulate objects telekinetically, and you could move a small car easily now, what’s more you could do it for about half an hour without having to stop to recover. You could predict certain events. And though you hadn't found a way to harness or control your “sixth sense” as your mom called it, you knew things before you had proof, and it was useful, if frustrating to explain.

Your dream premonitions had been much more clear lately too, but still hard to place in time and universe. And you had recently discovered you could teleport small objects small distances. You had accidentally teleported a candy bar you were hiding from your family in the fridge to counter when MT got too close to finding it, and it was the power you were most interested in developing.

Suddenly you realized as you had been staring at the ceiling and twisting your ring around your finger, that you were wearing a ring. You sat up in surprise, you hadn’t worn jewelry that wasn’t literally hooked under your skin since you were like 13 and thought chokers were cool. But there was definitely a ring on your index finger. A ring with a thin gold band that twisted over a black stone, and it wouldn’t come off. Something close to nausea rose in your stomach as you looked at it, it wasn’t a normal ring. It wasn’t even human. It was demonic.

You barely remembered to grab a shirt as you slammed down the stairs in full blown panic.

“Sai, Sai!!”

Your mom was sitting at the counter in the kitchen, when she looked up you could see she was crying into her coffee. Not necessarily the weirdest thing to see but it certainly didn’t make you feel any more at ease.

“Mom...! There’s a... demon ring?!”

She just nodded mournfully. MT stumbled down the stairs behind you, pushing her hair out of her eyes as the dogs rushed out from behind her.

“What’s going on, guys?”

Your mom starting crying harder and you were so worked up the air around you was crackling with psionic energy, making everyone's hair stand on end, including the dogs.

“Well I woke up with a fucking demon ring superglued to my finger, how about you Sai?!” You snarled.

Mituna looked back and forth between you, terrified and still waking up. Sai drew a sharp shaky breath, and wiped her eyes.

“Sollux that’s enough. Everything is going to be fine.” Her voice sounded more confident then she looked, but you relaxed despite yourself.

Even with all her faults Sai was still your mom, and one of the only people who understood your powers and how they affected you. You trusted her innately.

“There’s something I have to tell you two, and it’s going to be hard to hear... and it’s very hard for me to say. Will you... will you guys sit down?”

You looked at Mituna, and she looked just as in the dark as you felt. You both silently agreed to go sit at the counter with her.

“Mom... what about the ring?” MT said eyeing your left hand which you were trying keep as far away from the rest of your body as possible.

Mituna’s powers weren’t nearly as strong as yours, but she was as aware of supernatural stuff as you were. It was a curse you had shared throughout your childhood, and it had largely ostracized the two of you from your peers.

“It’s related, and I promise it won’t hurt you. I would never let anyone hurt you.”

“Um.. I guess I should start at the beginning then. So... before you girls were born, before I was even actually pregnant with you, I used to have these recurring premonitions. At first they were very muddled, and I couldn’t really make heads or tails of them, but they got clearer. And I was predicting that one of you would have psychic powers like me, powers even stronger than mine, and one of you wouldn’t.”

Your mom’s eyes filled with tears again, and she wiped them away roughly.

“Oh god. That wasn’t the bad part, the shitty part was I kept predicting that the psychic twin would kill the not psychic one in the womb... and the power would grow so fast, and be so uncontrollable for the baby that did live... it would kill both of us. Bring the house down around us. And kill us.”

“Jesus Mom... what the hell did you do?”

“I’m not finished yet! So I was having these dreams, it got to the point where I was barely sleeping, and I was just trying to find any way to change the future. I didn’t want us to die, and I almost got an abortion, I mean I was in the clinic, and it was like the last chance for it, but I just couldn’t. I ran the hell out of there and I was just wandering around downtown for... I don’t know how long until I.. uh.. I met a demon.”

You and Mituna stood up in shock and horror at the same time.

“What the fuck did you do?!”

“Sollux! Mituna! It wasn’t like that time where I got influenced into throwing punches at a concert, ok? It wasn’t, he helped me. For a price, I mean. It took us a while to negotiate terms, but basically, there’s this Doctor. Her name is Scratch, she doesn’t seem like a demon exactly, but she’s similar and she works for them, and she was able to split the psychic power between the two of you so we all wouldn’t die. She wasn’t able to do it precisely, and she said one of you would develop more and quicker, but there was no real way to know. But I knew it worked because the night after Scratch did her spell, I didn’t have any premonitions about us dying! Any of us. And I haven’t had one since.”

Sai was wringing her hands vigorously, she looked like she might just cave into herself with just one puff of wind. It was unthinkable that your mom had made a deal with demons. Creatures she was constantly warning you about. You shared a longer lingering look with Mituna before you spoke.

“So what was the price?”

“The price of the spell, Mom.” Mituna chimed in, her voice thin with anxiety.

“The terms we agreed to... the most powerful psychic of the two of you has to marry a demon, and the engagement starts on your twenty first birthday. Which is today.”

There was a very long silence while you tried to process what your mom had said. You just kept coming back to the thought that this was just some crazy elaborate prank. But then there was that cold cold ring around your finger.

“Did you say... marry!?” Mituna squeaked, shooting you a quick glance.

It was no question which one of you was the most powerful psychic. You sat back down without thinking.

“Yes. I mean not right away. They agreed to a year of engagement before the ceremony. It’s not a traditional wedding but... I mean there’s a spell involved, and the demon is supposed to be tied to living on earth afterwards. As far as I understand.”

You took a deep shaky breath.

“Sai.. that’s crazy. I can’t marry a fucking demon. You can’t make your daughter marry a fucking demon!”

“Sollux please, it was the only-

” “NO! I’m not doing it, there’s no way!”

You stood up to leave, knocking your stool to the ground in your hurry to get the fuck out of there, but Sai held you in place with her powers.

“ Sollux you can’t leave! They’re watching the house! They’re watching you...”

The only thing that stopped you from overpowering your mother and making a break for it was the fear in her eyes.

“Fine! I’ll stay ok. Ok?”

Sai relaxed her grip on you,, the glow in her eyes subsiding and you slumped against the counter in defeat. How had your life come to this? What the hell were you supposed to do?

“So.. what now?” Mituna asked quietly.

“They’re supposed to be here at 12. That’s when I was told to expect them anyways.”

You hazarded a glance at the oven and the stove top said 12:35. Which meant you had about half an hour before your life would be literally invaded by demons, since no one had adjusted the time since last year.

“I’m going to take a shower then.”

You stood up to leave and made it to the base of the stairs before Sai called your name. The look on her face matched the twisted sickening feeling in your gut. Mituna was staring blankly at the wall like she had been switched off.

“Sollux I’m sorry.”

You couldn’t say anything back, the lump in your throat was too big. You nodded sharply and ran up the stairs to go cry in the shower like an adult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh ho ho. so this idea has been rattling around in my brain for some time, picking up more and more stuff until it got so big I had to put it somewhere. I don't have a clear idea of where this fic is going but it's about the journey, right? Right?! And obviously shipping. It's always about shipping.


	3. Meet and Greet

**Be Sollux :Meet and Greet**

MT was holding your hand very tightly. And for once you were grateful for the contact, you weren’t a very touchy person, but you felt so nervous and sick at the moment that it was the only thing keeping you from bolting out the backdoor. Which would have been a huge mistake if you were really in arranged marriage with a demon. The whole situation was so ridiculous you couldn’t help but hope that someone would turn around and say Jk. But there you were sitting on the couch with your sister and your mom waiting for a bunch of terrifying supernatural creatures who caused mayhem and destruction on earth to ring the doorbell.

When the doorbell finally rang, you all jumped to your feet like you’d been shocked. Sai didn’t open the door until you nodded your consent though. And that was weirdly reassuring.

There were three demons standing on your doorstep. One of them was absurdly tall, even without his horns, so tall he had to duck under the door frame to to get in, and his skin was a translucent pearly white, one of them was short and stocky, skin that was the color of charcoal with hollow white eyes that made you think of death. And the last demon to walk freely into your house, you had met yesterday.

She recognized you too. Her big yellow eyes got bigger and wider in surprise and you squeezed MT hand in a death grip. 

“W-well hello again darlin’.”

“Hello.” You said through your teeth.

“Oh have you met before?” The tall one asked pleasantly. Out of all of them he scared you the least, though he was by all means terrifying.

“Yesterday. She trashed my store.” You spoke with a bravado you didn’t feel. The tall one sighed, and the female demon squirmed under his reproachfully gaze.

“You said I could do what I w-wanted Kan!” she whined and you felt again consumed with the absolute absurdity of this situation.

“Never mind that for now. I believe some introductions are in order. My name is Kanaya Maryam, and I’m here to help the two of you and your family adjust. I will be living next door for the time being and I will be offering counseling and advice to any of you that might need it. This is Eridan Ampora, and she is here to... well pursue a healthy relationship Sollux. And this is-”

“You can call me Slick.”

The shorter darker demon grinned a horrifyingly wide smile that did not move to his hollow white eyes at all.

“And I’m here to make sure nobody gets cold feet.”

Kanaya frowned sharply at his interruption, and Eridan looked at her feet, as though to assess their relative coldness.

“What would happen if someone got cold feet?” MT spoke out beside you, shaking like a leaf the whole time.

“Well young lady, I would have to collect on your debt.” Slick’s smile seemed to stretch all the to the far corners of his face.

“Which as I understand it, is just three little souls. Nothing major.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

Sai stepped in front of you and your sister, as though she could protect you from this nightmare. Not that she could. Not that anyone could. There was no escape.

You took a deep breath, tried to find the part of yourself that did not feel like it was made of jello.

“I won’t try to escape. So you can kindly fuck off now.”

Slick guffawed, slapping Eridan on the back in his enthusiasm.

“You two will get along just fine! Well since we have an understanding, I think I’ll take my leave. Have a nice day!”

And with a sharp crack and the smell of burning hair he vanished from the room like he had never been. 

“I’m sorry for his behavior. He doesn’t have much humanity left in him I’m afraid.” Kanaya said, his mouth twisted in distaste.

“Nah, Slick ain’t so bad. I mean compared to some.” Eridan piped up nonchalantly, as though being threatened with the death and damnation of your entire family was a mundane occurrence.

“Hmm. That may be. Now I’m sorry we never finished our introductions.”

“ Right. I’m Sai, their mom. And this is Sollux and Mituna.” Sai gestured to each of you in turn.

“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I hope we’ll all be getting to know each other quite well in the coming months.” Kanaya nudged Eridan with his elbow.

“It’s nice to meet ya. Um.. I hope we all get to likin’ each other an all that soon. Is there anyway we could get somethin’ to eat I’m starvin’.”

You couldn’t help your laugh of disbelief.

“How could you possibly be hungry after yesterday? You took half the food in the store.”

“I didn’t eat all of it! I’m savin’ some.” Eridan pouted, clearly offended.

“We could have family dinner. I believe that’s what it’s called.”

Kanaya seemed rather excited, by the idea, although it was only 12:15 and most would consider a meal at this time lunch.

“We could go to Suzy’s.” MT offered hesitantly, shooting you a quick glance to make sure you weren’t about to flip out.

You were about as close to flipping out as you’d ever been but there didn’t seem to be much point in it. 

“The dogs haven’t been walked yet today, we can all go.” Offered Sai helpfully. 

“W-w-which ones are the dogs?” Eridan asked, looking around excitedly. 

“They’re right there.”

You pointed to the foot of the stairs, where your two dogs stood watching nervously, the smaller of the two perched on top of the other.

“Oh, v-very cute. Does he have a name?” 

“The little one with the overbite Ferrell and the fat one with the underbite is Lops. Short for cyclops. Cause he only has one eye.” You turned to address your ugly-ass dogs. “ You guys want a walk?”

Ferrell barked and launched himself off Lops head, skittering across the linoleum towards the door. 

Kanaya and Eridan both jumped back in surprise.

“Oh my. I didn’t realize there were two of them.” Kanaya said nervously.

“They must ave some kinda symbiotic relationship or somethin’”

Eridan spoke with an obviously false confidence, watching your Mom and Mituna wrangle your dogs into their harnesses with fascination.

“Yeah, you could say that... They’re special dogs.” 

“I always w-wanted a real pet... they’re hard to get in Hell.”

She smiled at you, her big white teeth catching in the light from the window. You couldn’t help the shudder that ran down your spine at the sight. But the hurt in her eyes when she saw you flinch, made you feel a touch of guilt. It didn’t seem like she wanted to be here either, you could stand to be a little nice to her. Even if it meant going against all of your instincts. Instincts which were telling you to hit her on the head with a lamp and make a break for it.

“Come on, let’s go.” You jerked your head in the direction of the door where the others were waiting and forced a tiny smile onto your face.

At least my demon fiance likes animals you thought wryly. One point against the negative one thousand she gets for being my unwanted demon fiance.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


It wasn’t a terribly long walk to Suzy’s, the neighborhood diner, and you walked mostly on instinct. It took you a minute to realize you were walking alongside your fiance with everyone else in front. Probably part of some dumb plan to get you talk to each other and connect or something. You didn’t really have anything to say though, and you were perfectly happy with silence. So she had to ruin it by talking.

“So.. is this anythin’ like w-what you were expectin’? I mean, meetin’ me an Kan and all?”

“No. I only had half an hour to picture the possibilities, but definitely I wasn’t expecting you. I kind of was expecting a dude. Arranged marriage seems like a strictly hetrosexual activity.”

“Is it? As far as I know only female-ish demons were considered for this position, I think your mother must have put it as one of the terms or somethin’.” 

Putting aside the fact that your mom had been smart enough to include your sexual preference in the proceedings, hearing that you could have at least some choice in this nonsense was pretty upsetting.

“Are you telling me that there were other demons who wanted to marry me? Why not bring them all, we could have run it like the Bachelorette. It would’ve been fucking great.” You couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of your voice.

“Um... not exactly. It was more like... a w-w-way to avoid punishment, but there’s a pretty high risk w-with marryin’ you, so I can’t blame the others for droppin’ out.”

“What risk? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“W-when Doc Scratch performs the spell that’s supposed to marry us, she’s not just marryin’ us she’s trying to sever my soul from Hell and tie it to earth instead. But if it doesn’t w-w-work, I could die with no chance of bein’ recycled. An it’s never worked before. So yeah, I w-was the only w-willin’ to take the risk.”

You met her eyes and they were dead serious. 

“Holy shit.”

She smiled with all her teeth, and punched you playfully in the arm.

“You’re lisp is so cute!!”

You blushed despite yourself.

“Shut up. And don’t change the subject. If it’s so risky why did you agree to this?”

“Kan talked me into it. I w-was pretty much facin’ an eternal sentence anyways, an he said if I w-was gonna be trapped for the rest of my life I might as well be enjoyin’ myself.”

Before you had a chance to even form the question about how a demon got a life sentence in prison she was pushing you inside Suzy’s behind the rest of your family, chattering excitedly about how good all the food was on earth. 

You ordered your usual even though you weren’t really hungry.

You had too much to think about to be hungry. Both Eridan and Kanaya ordered three entree’s apiece, which seemed odd but they devoured the food like it was popcorn and not several large greasy meals. Everyone seemed so happy and normal. The dogs were begging underneath the table, your mom and your sister were arguing about letting her boyfriend move in for the hundredth time, the demons were gushing about the quality of the food, the people in the restaurant were the same as they’d always been. It made you sick. It made you angry, that the world would just march on when your future, your life as you knew it had been so casually destroyed.

“Hey Sol are you gonna finish that?”

Eridan eyed your long cold chicken club with bright eyes. 

“It’s Sollux. And no.” You shoved your plate across the table towards her.

“Sollux, are you ok?” This time it was your mom who spoke. Her eyes were filled with concern and love and that only made you madder.

“I need some air. I’ll be outside.” You snarled as you stood up to leave, your mom stood up to follow but Kanaya stopped her with his hand on her shoulder. 

Going outside didn’t make you less angry. Out of ideas, you did the dumbest thing that came to mind, punching dents in the dumpster behind the restaurant until the pain made you stop

You sat down on the curb, knuckles bleeding, sweaty and resigned. It was going to be another hot day.

“You’re bleeding.”

You didn’t even look up. Only one creature could make a shadow that long.

“Yep.”

Kanaya sat down next to you, his giant legs bent awkwardly out in front of him.

“Perhaps you’d like to talk about how you’re feeling?”

You didn’t really want to. But you found yourself speaking anyways.

“How come she didn’t tell me?”

He gave you a quizzical look.

“Sai. I didn’t know anything about this until like an hour ago. Seems like something you might want to tell your child before the demons are literally at your fucking doorstep.”

Kanaya sighed heavily.

“I did request that she speak to you earlier about the situation, but she seemed to have made up her mind about it.”

“It’s fucking bullshit! I just don’t fucking get it. She let me live my whole life believing I was free, that I was going to be free to do what I wanted. Why? What was fucking point? To make this that much more fucking horrible?! Is.. is she trying to make me hate her?”

“When I last spoke to your mother, I asked her why she would risk your hatred to keep her secret. She was well aware of the possibility of you hating her, perhaps forever, for her decision to withhold this information. But she believed that if she had told you, you wouldn’t have grown into the person you are today. Sai is very proud of you, not because of your psychic abilities, but because of the way you choose to use them, and your passion and talent in something called.. Oh dear, I can’t remember the word.”

“Programming.”

Kanaya clasped his hands together with joy.

“ Ah, Yes. Programming. Your mother made a very difficult choice Sollux, one that was not fair to you. But she tried very hard to make the best choice she could given the circumstances. I’m told the negotiations for this particular deal took over 48 hours, the duration of which Sai did not sleep or eat. And whether you choose to forgive her for making the deal or not, I think you must respect her at least a little bit for venturing so far into our world to make it.”

“Don’t tell her I said this, but I respect the hell out of my mom. No offense.”

“None taken.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive her just yet though. I still... need to think about it.”

“It is of course your decision. Whatever one you make will have consequences, but I’m sure you’re well aware of that.”

He smiled at you softly, and you found yourself smiling back.

“Yeah. You’re pretty easy to talk to for a demon, that can’t be normal.”

“It is a natural talent magnified by my influence. Most people do not realize their true evil until they spill their deepest fears and insecurities, and from there they are easily manipulated to act on them.

You were suddenly reminded why you had been terrified of demons your whole life.

“Of course, I am grateful to be able to use my talents for something much less cold hearted. I have no such intentions with you or your family. You have nothing to fear.”

“I guess I’ll just have to trust you on that.” You said nervously.

“I suppose you will.”

“Kanaya, one more thing. Eridan said something about being in... hell jail. And that that her engagement to me was like an alternative sentence, what exactly did she do?”

“I think that is something we should address later when all parties are present. It is of course a tale riddled with politics and intrigue, and thus rather difficult to explain. Please forgive me for my inability to clarify at the moment.”

“Ok. Thanks for your honesty, I guess.”

“You are very welcome. The others are coming out. Would you like me to heal your knuckles?”

“Sure. You can do that?”

“Yes, though not every demon can. If you would be so kind as to give me your hands?”

You extended your hands to Kanaya, and he covered them with his large, eerily cold ones.

Your hands started to feel hot and itchy, and you fought the urge to yank them away, until the sensation abruptly stopped. Kanaya lifted his hands and yours were perfectly normal, with not even scars left to remind you of your earlier stupidity.

“Thanks. That’s a pretty neat party trick.”

“I have never had occasion to use it at a party. Maybe my luck will change here on the surface. 

Shall we?”

Kanaya stood and you followed him towards your family and the dogs, and your ex-convict demon fiancee who waved at you excitedly. You wondered if you were ever going to be able to return her excitement.


	4. Family = Feelings

**Be Sollux: Family = Feelings**

It was sort of weird to realize how much of your life had revolved around this crazy scheme. Like how five years ago your family had moved into a house with 4 bedrooms, seemingly for no reason, but now you were showing your demon fiance into the guest bedroom that your mom had insisted you needed.

Eridan seemed a little put out when you opened the door, you couldn’t really blame her. The room was in a word underwhelming. There was a bed and a desk and window, a chest of drawers in the closet. And pretty much nothing else. 

“Thank you for the room...” 

“You’re very welcome.” Sai spoke with a smile that said she read her disappointment loud and clear and she wasn’t upset about it. Not at all. You couldn’t really blame your mother for being irritated with your houseguest’s reaction either. She was a single mom with two kids. This two floored condo with a small backyard and tiny extra bedroom was a extravagant fuck you to everyone who said she’d never make it. 

“Kan are you gonna bring my stuff up?” 

“I suppose I have no choice in the matter.”

Kanaya smiled and snapped his fingers.

There was another sharp crack, like when Slick had disappeared and then the room filled with the smell of burning hair and three strangely spiny suitcases slammed to the ground.

You and your family jumped back in surprise, eyes glowing with your powers ready to go at any moment.

“Please do not be alarmed. Everything Eridan has brought was rigorously examined by me, nothing will bring you any danger.”

“Well that’s a relief, I thought I was going to be at risk of more pain and suffering.”, you sneered sarcastically as your eyes cooled.

Eridan glared at you sharply.

“You don’t know anythin’ about pain an suffering you fuckin’ meatsack.”

Before you could open your mouth to retort, Kanaya had swept between you in all his imposing glory.

“Eridan.”

She growled defensively but he did not flinch, and for a moment you could feel her power grow stronger before it dissipated and she lowered her head mollified.

“Excuse me, I think I’d like to unpack my bags now. If that’s ok w-with everyone, that is.”

Kanya’s tone grew sharper. “Eridan.”

“Oh for fucks sake, I’m sorry I called you a meatsack! I didn’t mean it an I promise it w-w-won’t happen again.”

Kanaya turned to you, and you nodded curtly.

“No skin off my back Ampora, but thanks for the heartfelt apology.”

You liked seeing the way her face twisted in irritation, the way the snarl seemed to rise unbidden to her lips.

“You’re v-v-very w-welcome, Sol.”

The return of the nickname she had no right to give you made you see red, your fists clenched sharply at your sides.

“I hope you feel right at home, anything is better than hell right? Ampora?”

“Absolutely, I can’t w-wait to get settled so w-we can spend more time together Sol.”

“I guess I better let you unpack then Ampora. Let me know if you need any help.”

“Oh I will Sol.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

You realized abruptly that while you hadn’t been yelling at each other, you and Ampora had resorted to trying to muscle each other out with psychic energy, so much so that the auras of the other three persons in the room had diminished to faint outlines.

Sai and Mituna looked utterly terrified, and Kanaya looked pleased as punch. Which was downright alarming, so much so that you retreated your aura quickly back to it’s normal size, and Eridan, seemingly shocked by your lack of resistance, did the same. 

Kanaya clapped his hands again, breaking the utter silence of the room without regard.

“Now that we have all arrived I think it would be best if Sollux and Mituna take this opportunity to celebrate their birthday as they normally would. Eridan and I have some more work to do as well.”

“Yep. So normal. I’m going to exercise what little free will I have left and take a fucking nap. Peace out demons.”

You flashed a peace sign and stalked out of the room to your own and slammed the door.

You flopped heavily on the bed and buried your face in your pillow.

When you heard the door click open behind you, you didn’t move at all. Only one person came into your room without knocking first.

“Hey Sollux.”

You rolled over just enough to give your twin one disapproving eye.

“This is a pretty shitty birthday huh?”

“It’s bypassed shitty and looped right around to shittastically horrible. Do you think if I bang my head against the wall for a year I’d get enough brain damage to be useless and they’d leave us all the fuck alone?”

“What are you, stupid? They’d just collect our souls for not honoring the deal. You heard that creepy Slick dude.”

You groaned.

“You must be feeling pretty fucking lucky right now. Way to win the prize we didn’t know we were playing for.”

“I used to be so jealous.”

You sat up, surprised.

“Of me?”

“Remember when we were kids and we’d see ghosts and shit, and all the creepy little demon bugs and weird monsters in the woods... and it was just... us against the world?”

You nodded. Your childhood had sucked more than average and you didn’t miss it in the slightest. But at least you had Mituna. And you and Mituna had video games.

“That’s what I thought it was always going to be like. But you kept changing and I just stopped. One day I woke up and I couldn’t do what you did. Now it’s like I’m just a regular person, but I know too much and I’ve seen too much. It just felt fucking unfair. ”

“MT... you should’ve said something.”

“You were already dealing with enough crap trying not to accidentally explode peoples heads and shit. And I don’t feel that way anymore anyways. I have my own life, I have stuff that I like to do. I have Latula. I don’t know if I could handle the things you’ve experienced, and I don’t really want to either. I guess my point is, I used to think I was the one with the shit hand, but it doesn’t seem that way anymore. And I’m sorry that is happening to you. I’m sorry I can’t fix any of it.”

You stood up and wrapped your arms around your sister. It was nice how you were the exact same height. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d hugged her.

“You are the last fucking person who should be sorry. I don’t even know what self-serving asshole is to blame for this wack situation, but when I find them they’re getting all the viruses.”

Mituna pulled away with a snort of laughter, you could see her eyes were a little red.

“Now that all that shits out to air, time to celebrate our birthday just like normal.”

“I’m like 70% sure that there's something special about your twenty-first birthday but I can’t put my finger on it. Oh well. Let’s just get stoned and go to In N Out.”

“I told you yesterday Latula wanted to take us out to a nice dinner.”

“You mean he wanted to take you out.”

“No such luck. He respects the twin traditions.The twinditions. So you’re coming too and if you try to weasel out of it I’ll show the demons your bumble profile.”

“You are so evil.”

Mituna grinned and turned to leave your room.

“Evil twins have more fun. He’s picking us up at 7. Wear something less shitty than you usually do, kay?”

You flipped her off by way of response, but there was no heat in it. You decided not to actually take a nap, but instead put on your favorite six hour electronic track and settled in with your headphones to code your feelings away. And that way if Sai wanted to knock on your door you wouldn’t even have to pretend not to hear her.

**Be Eridan: Freak Out**

As soon as the other two humans left your strange, boring little room, you rounded on Kanaya in an absolute panic.

“She doesn’t like me!”

Kanaya nodded. 

“Yes, that was apparent.”

“Fuck!”

**Be Sollux: Because it’s not Eridan’s Chapter Yet**

You did put on something kind of nice for dinner. Nice for you anyways. The grey skinny jeans that made your ass magically appear and a black t-shirt without any logos. When you walked downstairs you heard MT and your mom abruptly stopped their whisper argument to appraise you.

MT grinned and gave you a thumbs up. She was wearing the exact same outfit, except her shirt was grey and her pants were black.

Sai threw her hands in the air in exasperation.

“Jesus fucking Christ. Would it kill you guys to actually dress up for once?”

In perfect unison you both answered, “Obviously.” and fist bumped.

Sai kind of chuckled, but it seemed like she might start crying in the same breath.

“I never thought I’d be girlier than my own daughters, but... I guess this as good a time as any for your birthday presents.”

You bit your cheek to stop yourself from making a comment about how you thought your arranged marriage was going to be the only surprise this year. There was only so much of your anger Sai could take in a day.

You walked over to the counter where two large flat boxes sat side by side. Only a few hours ago you had been sitting at that counter while Sai told you she had sold the rest of your life to demons, and now she was giving your presents like that hadn’t even happened. The whole thing made your stomach churn but you fought the feeling and opened the box anyways. 

Mituna followed your lead, and you both cautiously unwrapped the tissue paper to find a jacket. Not just any jacket though, this was made out of some kind of vinyl material, a sort of biker style jacket that was split perfectly down the middle red and blue. 

You sort of choked on your breath and hazarded a glance at Mituna, who was holding a bright yellow jacket with black stripes reminiscent of the Bride’s iconic jacket in Kill Bill. You didn’t actually have any idea how to calculate the cost of something like this, but there was no way that they weren’t custom made. Even the lining, in yours split black and white, and Mituna’s black and white checkers seemed too personalized to be store bought. 

“Jesus, Sai...” you laughed to hide the fact you were getting choked up.”When’d you win the lottery?”

“I just got a few really good scratchers. You like them?”

“Fuck yeah!” Mituna sprung from behind you and wrapped her in a hug.

“Awesome. You guys can dress up in stuff you actually like then.”

You didn’t quite have it in you to hug her, but you met her eyes over Mituna’s shoulder and gave her a quick nod of appreciation.

“Thanks Mom.”

Sai smiled and you felt a sharp ache of love for her, despite everything that had happened, despite everything that might happen. You had no idea what choice you would have made if you had been in her position, but you knew she wouldn’t have done any of it if she didn’t love you and Mituna. You sort of had no choice but to forgive her, but you figured you could wait a little longer to show it. The jacket didn’t butter you up that much.

The tender moment was broken by a car horn outside the house, and Sai pulled away from the hug with a sigh.

“I thought you told him to stop doing that.”

Mituna shrugged.

“I guess he forgot. Come on, Sollux lets go have a regular birthday dinner.”

Your mom looked so pained you relented and gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“We’ll see you later, kay?”

“Okay. Be careful. I can come pick you up if you need me too.”

Mitua slipped her jacket on and shook her head.

“Don’t worry, Latula is gonna be our dd tonight.”

“Ok, call if you need to-”

Latula honked again and Mituna grabbed your arm and started dragging you towards the exit while Sai grumbled about how rude he was. Still when you opened the door to leave she called out, “I love you!” and you could see how moist her eyes were. If you weren’t still pissed you would have gone back and told her that you loved her too. That you could forgive her for making a deal with demons that would fuck up your entire life for the foreseeable future. But you were still pretty fucking pissed. 

So you didn’t say anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically just setting up some stuff here. Next chapter there's going to be a lot more going on. Also maybe I'll have a finished drawing for this fic. Fingers crossed.


	5. Choose Your Fate

**Be Eridan Already for Fucks Sake: Choose Your Fate**

Kanaya put his hand on your shoulder as if to soothe but you shrugged him off. 

“Fuck! This v-v-very bad Kan. This is really fuckin’ bad.”

“Eridan, please-”

“ W-w-why didn’t you just do me favor an let me fuckin’ die?! At least I’da come back afterw-wards!”

“Lower your voice please Eridan. I didn’t let you die because I think you are a wonderful iteration of yourself and I was loath to see you lose more humanity. Besides, you can’t have honestly expected her to be welcoming given the circumstances. She had no idea this was going to happen and even if she did I doubt she would have been overly pleased with the situation.”

“None a that shit matters. Sol has to like me no matter w-w-what. I’ll use my influence if I hav-ve to, Kan. I’m not piddlin’ around w-with some pathetic meatsack for a year w-when Fef is...” You drew a sharp shaky breath at the thought of your best friend and what you had done to him.

“I just fuckin’ can’t.”

He sighed and gave you a gentle look dripping with pity and concern. You sometimes wondered how he could even be considered a demon when he displayed so much human emotion.

“First of all your influence would have no effect on Sollux, not to mention it would not establish the necessary bond to keep you from being erased. And as I’ve told you several times, it is not enough for her to love you, you have to return the sentiment.”

You groaned and mimed gagging. You enjoyed human drama as much as the next demon, you were a particular fan of Gossip Girl, but the idea of actually participating in the whole ritual of human courtship was a bit nauseating. Kanaya ignored you and pressed on.

“Secondly, Feferi is not experiencing time the way we do. A year could be the blink of an eye or a thousand to him. There is no way of knowing until Scratch is able to retrieve him and that cannot happen until you are fully committed to Sollux. You cannot brute force your way through this Eridan.”

He reached out and cupped your face gently and you leaned into his touch for a moment before he pulled away. There weren’t many demons you trusted to touch such a vulnerable area. But you and Kanaya had woken up together. You were bonded. And since you were only four or five deaths away from being as murderous and hateful as Slick, you were pretty grateful for the affection he still showed for you.

“I still don’t understand w-w-why... w-w-why it has to be me. I’m not even close to human anymore. I don’t know how to do this.”

“I am not sure myself. It was Scratch who insisted you be the one to marry Sollux, but seeing you earlier. I am beginning to get an inkling of why.”

You gave him a quizzical look and he smiled.

“How many humans could match you in the sheer power of your aura? She might not like you right now, but I can see the beginnings of respect. One step at a time Eridan.”

“It doesn’t feel like enough.”

“Nothing feels like enough right now. But there is nothing else to be done.”

“Kan, you ain’t normal.”

“I am well aware, but that doesn’t stop me from being a utterly fantastic demon.”

“Can’t argue w-w-with that.”

You grinned at each other, and you were suddenly so relieved to have him there with you. There really was no better demon for the job. And you liked him to boot.

“Alright Eridan. I do believe it’s time.”

You gulped and you felt your claws start to unsheath unconsciously.

“I’m going to ask you once more. Are you willing to risk every instance of your existence and your status as a demon to rescue Feferi or would you rather rot for an eternity in the Pit and abandon Feferi at the edge of the universe?”

“I don’t think you w-worded that question v-v-very fairly,” you said faintly.

“I won’t apologize for my biases Eridan. I happen to believe you have enough humanity left to know what the right thing to do is.”

You laughed nervously.

“I fucking hope so.”

Kanaya pulled a small black wooden box out of his coat pocket and flicked it open.

The ring inside looked so innocent, so plain, but you could feel the power radiating from it in your core. The seriousness of the situation had suddenly become very very real.

“Magic is all about choices. So you have to choose. Choose your fate.”

You took a deep breath. You forced yourself to remember how it felt to come too in the throes of death, how it felt to keep living in the shadow of what you’d done. You forced yourself to remember Feferi’s face as he was sucked into the abyss. The part of you that knew that he would’ve done anything to save you if the situation was reversed was just barely bigger than the part of you that didn’t give a flying fuck. 

You yanked the ring that was already on your right index finger off and threw it on the bed.

“I choose love.”

Kanaya smiled and you took the ring and slid it on. Instantly you felt the spell connect, it shot through your spine like an electrical current, making your knees buckle so you stumbled backwards into the bed. You could feel the link between you and the human stretched over distance like a budding headache, but that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was the wave of pure human emotion that engulfed you, overwhelming you till you sank to your knees, choking back sobbs.

When it finally subsided you had no idea how long it had been but Kanaya had joined you on the floor next to the bed, you were in his arms actually. It was really great they had sent him with you. He had only disemboweled you once, with good reason, so you got to enjoy the cuddling without worry.

“That was fuckin’ horrible, Kan,” you croaked after a long moment of silence while you reigned in the crying.

“How do you feel?”

“Like humans need to turn the v-v-volume of their feelin’s dow-wn...”

He chuckled and squeezed your shoulder. 

“Perhaps we need to turn ours up?”

“Fuck no.”

You felt faint and buried your face in his shoulder, trying to convince yourself that you were going to be fine. You must have believed yourself because you fell into a dreamless sleep in Kanaya’s arms until he shook you awake hours later.

“Eridan I’m being summoned. I have to go. You should get into bed.”

“W-w-what...?”

You blinked slowly, where you were and how you had gotten there creeping back into your mind.

“The bed Eridan. It’s behind you. I’m sorry, I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

And with that the room filled with the smell of burning hair as he snapped off the mortal plane.  And you were alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas no drawing is ready. I got very stoned and stayed up till 5 am last night finishing this chapter. I hope that all the demon stuff gets clearer through the course of the story but if all else fails I'm prepared to write a little explanation to clear up any confusion. Annd hopefully I can keep my story straight. Again no real idea where this is heading. So enjoy the ride. Yipee ki yay motherfuckers!


	6. Party Hardy Nerd

**Be Sollux: Party Hardy Nerd**

You were in the backseat, regretting the invention of the breadstick and zoning out when you suddenly realized that the car had parked. But not at your house. Definitely at the dive bar on the other side of town.

“Oh, come on guys I don’t want to-”

Latula turned around to look at you from the front seat in surprise.

“Whaaaat?! Now’s the time to party nerd. Mituna, baby, what’s wrong with your sister?”

Mituna leaned in towards the back as well, pushing her hair out of her eyes so she could look at you.

“He’s right you know. Stop moping over the demon shit Sollux. You can be sad tomorrow. While nursing a hangover with me. Twinsies!”

“Gee thanks for the overwhelming support. I’ll just put my feelings back in the box I bought them in and then captchalogue that and then forget how to use my captchalogue-”

“Sollux come on! We get one chance to let everyone get us fucked up for free.”

“Yeah, no one will buy me booze for any other birthdays I might have for the rest of my- who the the fuck is everyone?!”

Mituna and Latula shared a sheepish look and you knew exactly who everyone was. You groaned and buried your face in your hands.

“I’m disowning you. We’re not twins anymore, just shitty siblings.”

“I thought those dudes were pretty radical! You guys are doing all that gnarly ghost hunting stuff together so we figured-”

“When exactly did your boytoy meet those dipsticks MT?”

“They came by the house last week to drop off that book and Latula was over so...”

“I’m disowning him too.”

Mituna snarled defensively. Which was a given, she loved Latula a lot, but you didn’t care about that in the moment.

“They’re your fucking friends!”

“They’re my business partners!”

“You have to make money to be in business, asshole!”

“Oh sorry, I never got gud enough to sit on my ass all day and-”

“HEY! You’re both tied for the title of dweebiest lone wolf, so let it the fuck go.”

You and Mituna both jumped at Latulas booming voice and you settled back into your seats unable to meet his eyes.

“He’s gonna know.”

“Who-”

“Ross, he’s gonna take one look at me, somehow vibe out the ring that literally binds me to a fucking demon and then they’re all gonna know-”

“Did it ever occur to you that they’re the exact people you need to know?”

You looked away, suddenly feeling like the asshole you’d been. You just weren’t used to sharing your real life with other people. You weren’t super into it.

“Guess not. I... probably should tell them I’m engaged. Might affect my working hours.”

Mituna grinned, she knew that was as close as you were getting to admitting you were wrong.

“Rad, let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

You sighed and mentally prepared to face what some people would call your friends. It was going to be a long night.

**Be Eridan: Treat Your Tech Right**

The first thing you thought when Kanaya had apparated out of the room was you that he had abandoned you forever and you might as well just kill yourself a couple times to ease the fear you felt at you own impending erasure. Because there was just no way you were going to fall in love with a human. Let alone this one. 

The second thing you thought was you needed to feed you phone.

You managed to stagger to your feet and went to dig around your suitcases for the terrarium you’d brought with you. Unfortunately you didn’t remember which bag held what and you opened the one that contained your computer first. It clearly hadn’t enjoyed the trip to the surface. You didn’t care for it much yourself and you didn’t have to make it stuffed in a suitcase, because it hissed at you and scuttled under the bed where it’s four green eyes glared at you reproachfully. 

Finally you found the terrarium and it’s components and set it up on the desk, doing your best to put it back to its former glory. Your phone was a little sensitive and you didn’t want to stress it unnecessarily.

You realized with a start that your phone was in your purse and your purse was downstairs hanging by the door. You tried to summon it and failed, whatever had happened when you took the ring, it had really taken the piss out of you. You crept out of the room as quietly as possible, though you knew that Sol was still out of the house, the bond between you still felt like a rubber band about to snap. You just didn’t want to wake up any other humans that might be hiding in the dark.

You moved silently through the hall and down the stairs, but it was Sai who startled you, sitting in the dimly lit kitchen with a glass of wine. You nearly jumped out of your skin when you rounded the corner.

“Holy fuck you scared the shit outta me!”

She snorted a laugh and you could see how wet her face was in the yellow glow of the nightlight.

“Who would have thought it would be so easy?”

“W-w-well I w-wasn’t really scared. You just surprised me is all.”

She leveled you a gaze that said she didn’t buy it for a second.

“I heard you crying earlier. Everything going alright?”

“W-what’s it to you? You’re cryin’ right now.”

“I sold my child's future to demons so we could all live and she’s probably not going to forgive me for it. What’s your excuse?”

There was something about this woman that threw you off. She wasn’t even as powerful as the other twin, you could sense that the moment you walked in the door, and yet she spoke to you like she wasn’t scared at all. That was probably why you told her the truth.

“I... took the ring. And there w-was some emotional backwash or somethin’.”

“You want a drink?”

“I’m good thanks.” 

You couldn’t help the way your lips curled in distaste. You had thrown up yesterday after drinking 13 bottles of sake in an hour and now the thought of alcohol made you queasy.

"Suit yourself.” 

She turned away and started pouring more wine into her glass, and you took the opportunity to snatch your purse from besides the door and try to get back to your room. You had almost reached the stairs when she addressed you again.

"Ampora. I know you’ve got a huge stake in this, but if you hurt my daughter, I will make sure you never ever come back.”

She held you in place for a moment, not with psychic powers but with the intensity of her gaze. And you respected her ferocity. She might have been weak, but this woman would do whatever it took to protect her spawn.

You nodded solemnly.

“Understood, Mizz Captor.”

“Call me Sai.”

“How about you call me Eridan then?”

“Deal.”

It was a small victory of understanding but it made you feel vastly better about your situation. Maybe there was hope for you yet. You promptly returned to your room, dumping your purse out on the bed to find your phone, which rolled out with a weak series of distressed beeps. You picked it up and it unfolded dutifully to show it’s delicate touch screen display and two unread messages.

KM: I’m so sorry. I fear I may be down here until sometime tomorrow. Please do your best not to incite any acts violence until I can dip the fuck out.

The last text was so corrupted it was unreadable, so you knew it was from Doc. For whatever reason demon technology didn’t seem to interface with her quite right, when you touched the message you could hear her voice in your head, like a second set of thoughts.

_Congratulations on your engagement, Eridan. The spell is holding up perfectly, but that may change. Please alert me or Kanaya to anything unusual you may feel in the upcoming days._

You tried to shake her voice out of your head and suddenly realized you had forgotten to pack food for your devices. Out of energy yourself, you cannibalized your toe necklace. It had lost its charm as a lovers token anyways. 

You threw a few of the severed phalanges into the terrarium, which your phone dragged excitedly under it’s log to devour, and the rest under your bed in case your computer got hungry when it stopped being mad at you. 

That just left the matter of actually getting into bed.

Seemed easy enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many characters to introduce, so may feelings to explore. So much world building! It's very different from my other fic I tell you hwhat. I've been finding it easier to write than to draw as of late. So you get more chapters but no drawings. Sorry. Promise they're coming I always just work on 3 or more at a time because I have no attention span anymore.


	7. Thwart the Goober

**Be Sollux: Thwart the Goober**

You stopped right before the door, putting your arm out before LA or MT could step around you.

“What’s up?” Latula asked from behind you.

“My spidey senses are tingling.”

You glanced quickly over your shoulder to make sure the bouncer wasn’t looking, before you used telekinesis to pull the door towards you just enough for the bucket on top to fall on whoever was behind it

You waited until the sounds of crashing metal and swearing to subside before you walked in yourself to the wholly gratifying sight of Joan Egbert covered in glitter.

You put your hand on your heart in mock appreciation, but you couldn’t help your mean spirited grin.

“Aww, JN you shouldn’t have.”

Joan groaned and tried to brush the glitter off her shoulders to no avail, the few other patrons on the bar snickering at her misfortune. 

“Man, I really thought I’d get you this time.”

“When are you going to learn I’m immune-”

You ducked away without quite realizing why as Dove swung around the corner with a cream pie and smashed it full force into the door frame. MT was still outside probably because her sixth sense had warned her that she would’ve ended up with a face full of whipped cream if she’d followed you.

“... to pranks. Jesus Christ you too?”

The blonde just shrugged, letting the crumpled pie tin fall pathetically to the ground. The bartender looked like his veins might pop out of his head at the sight.

“It’s been a slow week. No memes well crafted enough to entertain my passing fancy. Not once did I breathe heavily and think to myself LMFAO. The internet is a fucking wasteland. Also I haven’t gotten to stab a ghost in awhile. Boredom is a cruel mistress.”

“Do us all a favor and learn how to entertain yourself. Make your own fucking memes or something. You’re better than this goober’s,” you jerked your finger at a sheepish looking Egbert who was collecting cleaning supplies from the bartender, “ horrifically outdated prankster gambit.”

Mituna and Latula finally came in behind you, surveying the scene with knowing grins.

You rounded on them with narrow eyes.

“If you guys helped set me up so help me God-”

MT snickered.

“Set you up? How stupid do you think I am?”

Latula slung his arm around your sister, a gesture that did not look at all natural due to him being almost a foot shorter, and kissed her cheek.

“Yeah, we just told Joan if she wanted to try. She was welcome to try.”

A voice from behind you made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

“By now you know Joan is like a puppy with a bone when the opportunity for prankage strikes. Neither reason nor the liberal use of crowbars can pry her away.”

Joan snorted, looking up from the floor as she was sweeping it. 

“Wow. Way to make me sound as lame as fucking possible.”

“Sorry, like a wolf with a bone.”

“Thank youu.”

You turned to face the speaker and met his eyes. Ross’s eyes were such a deep blue they were almost purple, you were pretty sure they could see into the deepest darkest part of your soul. He was your English tutor at the JC last semester. The first time you met, you had walked into the room and he said, without looking up from his book, “Seems like someone neglected to teach you how to control your aura. Are you always this full of seething rage, or are you just not a morning person?”.

Witches were a scary breed.

“Hey RS.”

He smiled and you relaxed a little.

“Happy birthday Sollux.”

He offered his hand to shake, and you hesitated. Not because you didn’t want to, but because if he touched your hand he would know about all the demon shit before you had a chance to say anything. But then knowing things before anyone said anything was kind of his specialty. You figured you might as well accept your fate.

You realized your mistake the moment you felt the hard plastic press into your palm, but it was too late to do anything about it. When the buzzer hidden in his hand went off you jerked away instinctively, your hair literally starting to stand on end.

Ross smirked and raised his hand to show you the cheap plastic device, raising it to his lips and blowing on it like it was a smoking gun.

Joan shot up from the floor, the dustpan she had been using sending up a cloud of glitter that seemed to hang suspended in the air before settling on absolutely everyone. You were vaguely aware of the bartender swearing behind you.

“Oh!”

You were absolutely speechless.

“Shit!”

“Guess you’re not as invincible as you thought.” Ross looked at you thoughtfully, and you knew he had sensed the spell that bound you to Ampora. 

“Ohmygod I can’t believe that fucking worked! Ross you are a legend.”

Joan and Dove leapt into a perfect victorious high five in front of you.

You realized you were grinning and you gave in. What was the point in fighting friendship with these people if they were going to try so hard? What was the point in being a dick to them?

You gave in and you laughed. You laughed really fucking hard.

**Be Eridan For a Second: Easy Peasy**

You had never noticed how many parts of you were pointy before.

**Be Sollux: This Emotion Called Friendship**

It took a bit, but finally everyone was squeezed into a booth behind the door. You felt kind of stupidly happy. Which was crazy because you were covered in glitter and your personal space bubble was being violated on both sides.

Dove bought the first round of shots, and then Joan bought you and MT more shots, and then Ross brought you beers, so you were properly tipsy when Joan whipped out a cake, and did some kind magic trick to make the candles light seemingly on their own. In retrospect Ross probably lit them and just let Joan pretend to do it which was actually kind of cute. And the Dove started rapping about you and Mituna, which was how you learned that she subscribed to MT’s youtube channel and MT read her comics. Which was also cute. 

You had never really been this kind of intoxicated before, and you had never been around so many people your own age who knew anything real about your life. So after everyone had eaten as much cake as they could stomach and things had sort of settled down, you felt compelled to do something you had never done before. You felt compelled to tell them the truth.

You cleared your throat to sort of signal that you were about to say something, and MT elbowed her boyfriend so he stopped arguing about the best Tony Hawk’s Proskater game with DV.

Finally the whole table was silent and looking at you expectantly. Which didn’t help your nerves at all. MT squeezed your hand under the table and you found your resolve.

“Hey... guys. Um. Thanks for this, I could’ve done without the glitter...but-”

Joan chuckled and you took a deep breath to try and find the words.

“It’s really nice. Look, I haven’t exactly been the most forthcoming with my emotions and shit, but I think we're friends now whether I’m ok with it or not, so I... I need to tell you guys something.”

Ross met your eyes and you found some reassurance in their depths for once.

“I just found this out this fucking morning. But apparently, our mom made a deal with demons before we were born. To make sure we were born, basically, but the deal was... the deal is the most powerful of us has to get married to a demon in a year.”

Even Ross looked shocked. You found a weird nugget of joy seeing him caught off guard.

Joan laughed nervously after a moment of silence.

“Is this some kind of bad prank? I try to dump a bucket of glitter on you, you-”

“What do you mean by marriage?” Ross cut her off abruptly, and DV turned to look at him, her mouth twisting downwards sharply.

“So it’s real.”

You flashed your hand to show your ring.

“It’s real, I’ve got a rock and a crazy demon fiance living in the fucking guest bedroom. As for the marriage thing. I have no fucking clue. Sai said it’s supposed to be a spell to tie the demon’s soul to earth. But Kanaya keeps talking about it like we’re actually supposed to... want to be married to each other... which is..” You ran your hands through your hair and laughed at the absurdity.

“ So Kanaya is the demon you’re supposed to marry?” JN spoke up cautiously, Ross still looked utterly perplexed.

“No. The demon I’m supposed to “marry” is named Eridan Ampora. And she’s... got some weird shit going on. She told me she only agreed to do this to get out of jail. Which is just.... what the fuck? Like how do you get jail time in Hell?” 

DV actually pushed her sunglasses on top of her head so you could see her strange red eyes, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Ok. Ok. Let me just sort this shit real quick. Your mom, know her, love her, got stuck in a shit situation and gave a bloody John Hancock to some soulsucking goons. But you got stuck footing the bill, and now you’re about to have a shotgun wedding with an extra bad-bad demon named Eri-dick to make sure said bad-bad demon is stuck on the mortal plane for the rest of all time?”

“Exactly.”

“Ok, who is Kanaya?”

“Kanaya is...” You looked at Mituna for help and she shrugged.

“Eridan’s emotional support demon?”

“Something like that. He said he’s staying next door to help us adjust.”

Ross finally spoke, his face as serious as you had ever seen it.

“Sollux, I don’t want to freak you out... But I’ve never heard of a deal like this. I’ve never heard of a demon trying to sever their soul from Hell, and certainly not utilizing something as archaic and frankly off putting as the institution of marriage. I’ve never even heard of a human and demon becoming romantic partners. Exploited via sex sure, but this sounds like a vastly different situation.”

“Holy shit... you don’t think... I’m not supposed to have sex with her, right?”

You balked at the thought. Those teeth. Well, the teeth were kind of hot. But the grey skin and big yellow eyes and the tail that could eviscerate you. Ok, maybe all of it was kind of hot, but if it wasn't your choice it wasn’t anything but terrifying. You snapped out of your thoughts abruptly, your face feeling distinctly warmer, suddenly tuning into what RS was saying.

“-can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. They can’t enforce consequences you haven’t agreed to. Whatever this marriage really is, the price you pay is just to be there. Although there is some mystery as to what this year of engagement is about.”

“That’s... something?”

“Until you know the exact details of the contract your mother signed I can’t tell you anything for sure. You need to do whatever it takes to find out. The other demon might be a good resource for us in that regard.”

“Don’t worry Sollux, we can get you out of this. Right, guys?” JN gave Ross a hopeful look, and he shook his head.

“I don’t think we can promise that. Whatever this is, it seems to be deeper than just a clandestine deal with the devil.”

You grimaced.

“Yeah. I got the vibe.”

“None of that shit matters. It’s just details, details. We all know the devil has a shitty timeshare there anyways. It’s big picture time, in a IMAX theater with seats that massage your ass and make your tits jiggle. Skip the plot, read the sparknotes my dudes.”

Everyone gave DV a blank stare and she sighed.

“I’m just saying, you can’t get married to a corpse.”

MT smiled softly.

“I wish it was that easy, but demons reincarnate like nobody's business. It’s like, their whole fucking deal. Every time they die they come back worse too. Besides, all of our souls have been earmarked for Hell if... if we try to break the contract.”

“We’re not just gonna let this happen, ok? We’ll keep working on it till we find a solution. Just like all the other spooktacular problems we’ve faced.” JN spoke with a fierceness in her eyes that you had grown familiar with over the last few months. 

“Agreed. Dove is right. Details be damned, we’ll figure this out. Together.” Ross looked at you warmly and you felt a small smile creep over your face.

“We got your back dude.” Latula offered with a smile and MT squeezed your hand.

You nodded. There was a lump in your throat that hadn’t been there before. 

It was strong stuff. This emotion called friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna find a way to work Jade in there. Haven't quite figured out how yet though. Ross is Rose, Joan is John and Dove is Dave. Everybody is cute and full of love and it makes me happy. Also I just like making Sollux confront softer feelings.


	8. Go The Fuck to Bed

**Be Sollux: Go the Fuck to Bed**

You stumbled into your house at 2 am, feeling more exhausted than drunk.

LA and MT had dropped you off and then went off to do whatever gross couple-y stuff they were into. The ridiculousness of a psychic WOW playing youtuber and a comically short professional skateboarder being deeply in love was not lost on you, it was basically the only thing that gave you enough hope to look for any companionship yourself. Not that you had that option anymore. 

You flopped onto your bed without taking your shoes off, dug your phone out of your pocket to delete your bumble profile before anyone unsavory should see it. 

You’d never gotten anything but casual hookups from the thing anyways.

You were just about to actually go to sleep when you heard something move on the roof.

You knew it was Ampora without knowing why you knew.

You decided you didn’t care what she did and kicked your shoes off, sandwiching your head between your second pillow to muffle out the noise. She was moving around a lot up there, but it stopped eventually and you felt yourself start to drift off.

There was a sudden loud thump followed by a clattering sound, like the sound of tiles falling off the roof and you snapped awake with a start.

You shot out of bed and against your better judgement, clambered barefoot out the window to tell her to fuck off.

**Be Eridan: Go All The Way Up**

You let yourself pretend that it was a reception thing at first, because you were feeling more desperate and scared than you’d felt in a long time. It was consuming you. In a weird way you almost missed the Pit, at least there you knew there would be no respite from your despair. But you were supposed to have some respite here. You were supposed to have Kan. And now he wasn’t with you or answering his phone you were beginning to really panic.

You had climbed up to the roof from your room, using a tree growing outside and what little magic you were allowed to have, because maybe that would help. You knew that it wasn’t really reception that was the problem, but it seemed more appealing than just doing nothing. Your phone was tired though, and it kept curling up between failed calls. You paced back and forth with frustration until it deigned to open again. Finally it just refused, no matter how you cajoled, and you barely resisted the urge to chuck it as hard as you could.

Fuming, you tried to sit on the edge of the roof and your foot slipped, knocking you on your ass and sending tiles flying.

You sat there breathing heavily for a long moment, knowing you could have very easily slipped off and possibly have died which would have been humiliating, and then you noticed. You noticed the moon. There was a moon in Hell of course, and you knew there was one here, but you had never given either iteration any thought or attention. But now you were seeing it in front of you, and it felt so close like you could reach out and pluck it from the sky.

With a start you realized you were crying, and you didn’t even know why. You didn’t know what was happening to you. You didn’t know if this was supposed to be happening to you. The only thing you knew was that the moon was beautiful and you were sitting in front of it.

**Be Sollux: Is This Whole Switching Perspective Thing Annoying Yet?**

You had to use more of your powers than you wanted to admit to get yourself on the roof. There was a tree on the other side of the house but nothing here so you had to use your powers to kind of stick yourself to the side and crawl up until you got close enough to throw an arm over the ledge. You kind of regretted your earlier joke about your spidey sense, you felt like you might have jinxed yourself. 

By the time you’d managed to heave your chest onto the roof you were seething with rage. You could see her now, sitting on the edge of the roof staring at the moon. She looked ghostly, her gray skin way paler than you remembered it. 

With a final burst of energy you managed to scramble onto the roof in full, calling out, “Hey Ampora!” as you did.

She turned to look at you with a start, and you could see she was actually covered in some kind of white powder and what looked like tiny white feathers most of them stuck in her hair, but also just sort of all over. When she met your eyes the tear tracks running down her cheeks showed the true grey of her skin.

Her expression flashed through surprise, panic and anger in a split second, and she jerked her forearm up to cover her face with a snarl.

“W-what the fuck do you w-w-want Sol?”

You were dumbstruck for a moment, all of the rage felt like it had evaporated. You forgot what you were going to say.

“... why are you covered in feathers?”

“W-w-what’s it to you? You’re covered in fuckin’ glitter.” She didn’t lower her arm or look at you when she spoke.

“That’s a normal human birthday thing. This does not seem normal. For you.”

Ampora laughed, but it also kind of sounded like she was still crying.

“Normal isn’t somethin’ I get to ave anymore.”

“Yeah... me neither.”

You stepped your way towards her cautiously and lowered yourself until you were sitting next to her on the edge. Not too close though. You didn’t want her to get the wrong idea or accidentally stab you with her tail. She didn’t uncover her face but you could tell she was still crying.

It was a really nice night. The air was cool and crisp and the moon hung low and full in the sky in front of you. You sat like that for a while, before you determined Ampora wasn’t going to speak unless you spoke first.

“Hey. I know you’re crying. You don’t have to keep trying to hide it.”

“Fuck off.”

“Only if you tell me why you’re sobbing on my roof.”

“I’m not-” she drew in a short quavery breath, “fuckin’ cryin’!”

You tried really hard not to laugh and managed to only snicker.

“Are you crying because you accidentally ripped the pillows open, or because you got your horns stuck in the drywall?”

Finally she lowered her arm to look at you with disbelief and suspicion.

“So you w-went to stab me in my sleep and found the mess then?”

“Nah. Just used my natural powers of deduction. When I try to kill you, you’ll know.”

She smiled a little at that.

“I guess there ain’t too many reasons I’d end up... like this.”

“You could have wrestled a chicken.”

“I’da w-won.”

“Why didn’t you get Kanaya, or Sai?”

“Kan is in Hell and he ain’t answerin’ his phone. And I don’t w-w-want Sai to... I don’t know. I feel like everythin’ got off on the w-w-wrong foot. An then I... I put on this stupid ring an now I don’t even-” She choked on a sob and buried her face in her hands.

“I don’t know w-what’s fuckin’ w-w-wrong w-with me!”

You noticed for the first time the ring on her already cluttered hand that matched the one you’d woken up with.

How had it been only a day since that had happened?

“What happened when you put on the ring?”

She lowered her hands just enough to glare at you through her tears.

“You happened! I got all your pathetic human feelin’s at once you self loathin’ piece a shit!”

That stung. Your self hatred was usually off limits as a topic of discussion.

“You’re one to fucking talk. I felt your stupid emotions too Ampora.”

You had been coding when it happened and it wigged you out so much you had basically spent an hour just staring at the screen without realizing it. Having someone else's feelings overwhelm your own was never a pleasant experience but having it come out of nowhere really threw you.

“W-w-wait w-what?”

“Yeah, I got your whole shitty superiority complex figured out, and it doesn’t hide how much you hate yourself either.”

She looked like she couldn’t decide whether to be offended or confused, but she wasn’t sobbing anymore so she technically owed you a favor.

“I-! You-! How-w are you fuckin’ fine then?!”

“I’m used to that shit. Do you know how many ghosts have tried to possess me to complete their unfinished business? Like more than twenty.”

She snorted a laugh and it finally seemed like she had stopped crying for good.

“Ghost’s are fuckin’ obnoxious I’ll give you that...But...” She met your eyes again. “ It really fucked me up, Sol.”

“My name is Sollux.”

“Fine. But Sol is cuter. Just so you know.”

“I’m not interested in being cute to you. Just so you know.”

Ampora gave you a look that you couldn’t quite decipher, some weird in between of amusement and respect with something else thrown in. You flushed and looked away without quite knowing why.

“You’re probably having a hard time because you don’t usually experience as many emotions as I do. As a human. I know you have feelings, they’re just... different.”

“Huh. Kan’s alw-ways goin’ on about that. How w-we should tap into our emotions more.”

“I wouldn’t listen to him, most emotions are shit.”

“That’s w-what I said.”

You both smirked at each other and a very tiny voice in your head chimed “She’s not so bad. You could be friends.”

You shook the thought from your head with a frown. Friendship felt like surrender.

“Look, Ampora, it’s late and I’m beat. Let’s get you a shower and figure out where you're  sleeping.”

She nodded.

“That sounds fuckin’ fantastic Sol. Lux. Sorry, habits.”

You really didn’t want to want to be friends with her. But a tiny part of you did anyways.

**Be Eridan: I Did This To Myself And It’s Too Late To Stop**

Neither of you were awake enough to get back into your room gracefully. You didn’t want her to see your room at all, but she insisted on going that way because there wasn’t a tree next to her window. She was definitely right about that, she barely made it through the open window. You followed after her without any difficulty, until your horns caught on the top of the windowsill, knocking you backwards with a sudden lurch. Your hands shot out instinctively to catch the edge and your panicked grip started to crush the weak material almost instantly.

“Fuck! Holy shit, Sollux!” You remembered to say her full name this time. Which you were pretty proud of given how close you were to falling backwards out a window. She spun around to look at you and swore.

“God damnit! Don’t move.”

“I’m not movin’ the w-window is breakin’!”

“I fucking see that! Ok.” She took a deep breath. “I’m going to have to touch you.”

“Obviously! W-who the fuck are you talkin’ to Sol?!”

“Could you maybe not act like a bitch for a second?!”

“Could maybe not let me fall out a fuckin’ w-window?!”

The soft wood on the side of the window cracked loudly and you felt yourself lurch backwards.

“Fuck! Please Sol, if I die like this I’ll nev-v-ver hear the end of it!”

You felt one of her hands around grip your waist and another one under your knee. Her skin felt absurdly warm to you.

“I’m not going to let you die, you big baby.”

You believed her but you could feel the wall straining under the pressure of your hands.

Sol tried to tug more of your body through the window, but couldn’t because the tensile strength of your arms was the only thing keeping you from falling.

“Shit! Ok. Eridan. Hey. I’m going to need you to let go.”

“W-what?! No I-”

“On the count of three.”

She had pulled away and slid both hands under your knees. You felt something strange and tingly start to move up your legs and your eyes widened in terror as you realized what she was about to do.

“No, no-”

“One-”

“Sol..!”

“Two.”

“Oh fuck...”

“Three!”

You let go.

For a split second,you thought she had let you go too because you were definitely falling backwards, but then you felt the tendrils of her power wrap up your waist and you were being yanked forward through the window by your knees straight into Sollux.

When you opened your eyes again you were straddling Sol on the floor in the room and not lying with a broken neck flat on your back outside. Her eyes were closed and then you thought maybe you had killed her instead.

“Oh... Oh shit! Sol! Fuck! Sollux!”

She groaned, one of her eyes cracking open just enough for you to see it’s color.

“For fucks sake... It’s fine. You can call me whatever you want, just get off me.” 

“Shit, sorry!” 

You rolled off her with a groan of your own, as your knees vehemently protested any kind of movement, until you were on your back next to her on the floor. 

“How are those knees feeling?”

“Like they got hit with a fuckin’ baseball bat.”

“Huh. I didn’t expect demons to have any interest in sports.”

“I hav-ve no idea w-what you’re talkin’ about.”

She laughed, and you kind of liked the sound even if you weren’t entirely sure what she was laughing about.

“Oh crap...”

“W-what?”

“I think your tail got me.”

“Shit! W-where?!” 

You sat up with a start, and she sat up too, way to slowly for your comfort given the situation.

“Right here.” She held up a singular finger to show a tiny pinprick wound with a single drop of blood.

“You fuckin’ asshole!” 

Sol threw her head back and laughed at your outrage.

“You coulda died! Don’t fuckin’ scare me like that!”

She smirked at you and you glared. 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it. It ain’t cute.”

“Why do you care if I get hurt?”

“W-why do you care?”

She gave you a look that said “I don’t answer stupid questions”, and you sighed.

“I know you think I should be rootin’ for you to die or somethin’ but that’s not how this fuckin’ w-works, ok? I chose to be here an I need this to w-work. I need you to stay aliv-ve. If anythin’ w-w-were to happen to you, I’d go back to the Pit an nothin’ w-would change.”

“In other words, you can’t get out of it.”

“Yep. This is a no backsies kinda deal.”

Sol kind of chuckled under her breath.

“No backsies... Ok. Anything else you wanna tell me while we’re having this moment.”

“Just that I w-want it on the record that this room fuckin’ sucked before I got here.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s way suckier now though.” 

“If it wasn’t so sucky it w-wouldn’t hav-ve broken so easily, now w-would it?”

“What I want to know is how you put that many holes in the wall with only two horns. How many times did you get stuck?”

You snarled and barred your fangs at her and you were pleased to see her flinch. It was reassuring to see pathetic humans would always be just that. Pathetic and human.

“Here’s an idea, Sol. You fuckin’ drop it an show me where your shitty shower is instead.”

She rolled her eyes and stood up.

“It would be my pleasure. Ampora.”

You followed her out of the room determined not to make any noises of pain. Emotional or otherwise. Because it didn’t matter that she wouldn’t say your name. She didn’t have to know she could hurt your feelings like that. Sol was stuck with you either way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idfk. Drawing is in the coloring stages so hooray for that. I might have also started another fic because of weird dream so y'all might see that crop up eventually.  
> I have this thing where I like to write scenes that force the characters to interact really physically in a non sexual way to explore the tension, but then I spend hours agonizing over whether any of that makes sense given the laws of physics. So the fact that magic is a thing here is a fucking god send. Fuck you physics. We got magic now, bench.  
> P.S.  
> Didya see what I did there? How I put the title in there? So I could pretend that I totes didn't pull it out of my ass when I posted the first chapter and realized "engaged to a demon bs" was a terrible title?


	9. Fucking Demons

  
  


**Be Sollux: Fucking Demons**

You managed to roll out of bed around noon. You stumbled downstairs to let the dogs out and then made your way to the bathroom yourself. You tried to scrub the glitter off your face with a towel and then realizing that was useless you went to take a shower. There were still feathers in the drain from Ampora's the night before and you watched the blue and red glitter swirl through them with fascination.

You leaned your head against the tile and stayed that way for as long the hot water lasted.

Letting yourself just exist for a moment. No thinking, no worrying, just existing.

You felt a lot better afterwards, starving but in better spirits, and by the time you wandered downstairs again it was almost 1:30.

Ampora was still passed out on the couch, and your mom was nowhere in sight. The door to her room still shut tight and you realized she hadn’t even gotten up yet. 

Your demon didn’t look scary at all now. Fast asleep with all her pointy bits covered. You’d used oven mitts and slippers to cover her claws, and in a stroke of genius, you broke into a fresh canister of tennis balls to put on her horns and tail. 

She had refused to let you help her put them on her, literally trying to bite you without warning when you reached for her horns. You had left the bathroom in a hurry after that, and when she came out fifteen minutes later she had somehow managed to wedge them on. You suspected by magic, given how utterly exhausted she looked and how little she spoke to you when you brought her downstairs to the couch.

Ampora had scared the shit out of you last night, no matter what she said about not wanting to hurt you. But looking at her now she seemed almost cute, her gray skin flushed purple on her cheeks and her mouth twitched into the occasional snarl or bite. She was inclined to bite even in her sleep apparently.

You realized you’d been staring at her for too long, and you spun around, warm faced, and stalked into the kitchen to focus on other things. Normal human things like making coffee and french toast for your mom who you had decided to forgive in full.

French toast was the food equivalent of saying “I forgive you for promising my hand in marriage to demons to bring me and my sister into the world” or at least close enough to the sentiment you thought it was worth the effort to make it.

You started with coffee, because you needed it badly, and you let yourself munch on an apple while it was brewing to quell your stomach's insistent rumbling. You shot MT a quick text to see how she was feeling in the meantime. You didn’t really feel hungover, mostly just sluggish and hungry, but that was as much to do with Eridan’s bullshit as it was with the alcohol.

You were halfway through your first cup and in the middle of whisking eggs, when she shot up suddenly from the couch with a cry that sounded like a cat getting its tail stepped on. You almost dropped the bowl in surprise, but caught it with your finger tips and managed to place it back on the counter.

Eridan was swearing violently in the other room and you heard the loud thump of her falling off the couch and her following whimper of pain and confusion before you managed to get around the island counter that separated the two rooms to try and help her.

She was caught in her blankets on the floor, struggling to untangle herself unsuccessfully. You could tell from her ragged breathing, the sweat on her face and how both sets of claws had shot through their protective coverings she had just had a very bad nightmare.

“Hold on I can help you-”

She snapped towards you suddenly, teeth bared in a snarl and you stopped short before she seemed to recognize you and the expression fell away.

“Oh...! Oh fuck Sol.... H-hello.”

You couldn’t help but snicker at her sudden change in demeanor.

“Hey. Do you need some help or do you want me to leave?”

She seemed at loss for a moment, taking in her surroundings and current situation.

“That... that might be...” 

The purple in her cheeks bloomed and she looked away sharply, before muttering, “Help cause otherw-wise I’m gonna shred the fuckin’ blankets again.”

“Can you retract your claws?”

Her grey face went lavender. 

“W-w-would if I fuckin’ could.”

You stifled a laugh and crouched down to start untangling her from the blankets. Eridan set about trying to extract one of her hands from the oven mitts by wiggling it off with her teeth. She had been better about wearing clothes since you’d first met, though most of what she wore didn’t hide much of her body, save for the ridiculous scarf. But as you pulled the last of the blankets away from her you noticed something you hadn’t before, though you must’ve seen it at least once.

Her strange leather top had ridden up revealing a huge knotted scar that stretched across her whole stomach, where her belly button should’ve been. But there was nothing but the scar.

There was a split second where she hadn’t noticed what you were looking at, and possessed by morbid curiosity you reached your hand out to touch it. But then she saw your gaze and yanked her shirt down violently with a snarl.

You swallowed hard, but managed not to flinch even though her shark teeth were mere inches from your face. She clearly expected you to though. Because when she realized you hadn’t reared back in fear, Eridan’s nose flared and she leaned even closer, a strange mix between a growl and a chuckle bubbling out of her throat.

“Startin’ to get used to me huh, Sol?”

“Or maybe you’re just not as scary as you think you are?”

That was a bald faced lie if there ever was one, because she was exactly that scary.

Her eyes hardened, all amusement had left them, and you felt your psionics start to buzz at your fingertips defensively.

“It’s rude to stare Sol.”

“How’d you get that?”

You had no idea why you were pushing this, you only hoped the glow in your eyes would hide any traces of your fear from her as you looked up to meet her yellow ones.

She smiled, you could feel her breath on your cheek. But her eyes were still hard.

“Kan cut me in half with a chainsaw.”

“...that checks out.”

It did not check out. But you were officially too freaked out to ask for anymore details.

“I mean all the way in half Sol. Like my legs w-were on the other side a the room.”

You were equally confused and horrified. Because demon’s were supposed to reincarnate every time they died with a new body. At least that’s what Sai had told you.

“Why did you come back with the scar?”

“I didn’t have to come back, Sol. He ripped me in half an then he put me back together.” 

You had seen enough gory movies to loosely imagine and you shuddered.

“I’m... sorry?”

She blinked at you for a moment, her mouth a little frown of confusion.

“W-why?”

“Um... it seems like it would hurt less to die. After that.”

She gave you a considerate look, like she hadn’t expected you to say something so insightful.

“Probably. I’ll be in pain till I die or stop existin’... either w-way... Kan saved me from a fate w-worse than death or disintegration that day. I ow-we him everythin’.”

“Yeah. Tell me about that fate worse than death later, ok?”

She laughed.

“You’re so fuckin’ human Sol.”

You flushed, because she was looking at you like she thought your humanity was cute instead of disgusting.

“You’re-”

There was a loud crack and the room filled with the horrible smell of burning hair as the man himself apparated into your living room.

You realized immediately that your current position, almost on top of Eridan on the ground with her face still so close to your own looked like something else entirely and you reeled backwards, your face reddening out of control as Kanaya’s eyes filled with joy at the sight and your mom emerged from her room to investigate the noise.

“Oh don’t stop bonding on my account. Please continue.”

Eridan looked as embarrassed as you were, and you both snapped “We’re not bonding!” at the same time.

Sai groaned and rubbed her eyes

“Good to know... No need to yell kids.”

“I’m not a kid.” Eridan snarled, looking exactly like a sullen child playing dress up in her one oven mitt, your old slippers that looked like bees and tennis balls on her horns.

Summarily everyone ignored her, and you stumbled to your feet to try to preserve what was left of your dignity.

Sai kind of sniffed the air and looked at you questioningly.

“Sollux did you make coffee?”

“Yeah. I was gonna make french toast too. But I got... distracted.”

“Toast is food right?”

Eridan glanced at Kanaya for confirmation, pausing her toothy assault on the second mitt, and he nodded.

“Yes. And coffee is a beverage. It’s very... well it’s horrible. I have no idea why they drink it.”

“But the toast is good?”

“Yes, it’s very good.”

They both looked at you expectantly with their big shiny eyes and you sighed.

“Fine, I’ll make enough for you too. But I’m putting a limit on how much you can have. And if you ask me for more I will zap you.”

Kanaya nodded.

“That’s very fair.”

“Thanks, Sol.”

Eridan flashed her sharktooth smile at you, and you nodded sharply to hide how much that caught you off guard. She was getting under your skin more than you were comfortable admitting even to yourself and you didn’t like it one bit.

You returned to the kitchen in a hurry, and Kanaya crouched down to try and help Eridan extract herself from her makeshift protective gear.

Sai followed you, pouring herself a cup of coffee and getting more eggs from the fridge for you, given that you now had to make enough for the two demons who were speaking to each other in lowered voices in the other room.

“How was your party?”

You laughed as you cracked more eggs into the bowl.

“So even you knew?”

Sai gave you a small smile and sipped her coffee.

“I might have overheard Mituna talking about it.”

“It was... good. Actually. I thought we were just working together. I... thought they just saw me as a tool.”

“And?”

“Turns out they’re too sweet and dumb to be that manipulative. Well except for RS. He’s very manipulative, but he’s still sweet.”

“I’m glad. I didn’t have a lot of friends when I was your age. Good ones anyways.”

“Do you even have friends now?”

“Hush you little asshole.”

“If you wanted silence you shouldn’t have had kids.”

You didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh. It was something that would have been ok to say two days ago but now it was just a slap in the face.

Sai inhaled sharply, her eyes instantly shiny with emotion.

“...I guess you're right.”

“Mom I didn’t... I didn’t mean that like that.”

“No, it’s ok Sollux. If I was in your shoes... I wouldn’t forgive me. Not in a million fucking years. I would be angry for the rest of my life. I... I betrayed you before you were even born.”

“You didn’t fucking betray me, ok? You saved me. You saved our family. I don’t...”

You took a few deep breaths to try and control your emotions, to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

“I wish you had told me a month ago, a week ago even, would have helped make this less-less shitty feeling. I understand why you didn’t but it’s just... all at once. It’s so fucking much Sai. But I forgive you for that too. I have to. I can’t just be pissed at you for doing what you had to do forever.”

Sai was crying silently and you were too now that you’d said your piece.

“You could if you wanted to. I would still love you. You don’t have to let go if you’re not ready.”

“Nope. I’m not mad at you. Not even a little bit. Just take it while I’m offering it or I might actually get pissed.”

She kind of laugh sobbed in disbelief.

“How are you such a damn good kid?”

You shrugged.

“I have a great mom.”

It was so cheesy, so disgustingly cheez-whiz cheesy. But you really meant it. You wrapped her in a tight hug, and she sobbed into your chest.

Your touching moment was invaded by Kanaya’s observations from the living room

“Oh Eridan. Look at the way they express their familial love. There are almost no conditions attached and yet it is exceeding strong. It’s something we don’t even have the chance to experience since we come into existence whole.”

“Yeah that’s... great Kan. Fascinatin'.”

Sai started laughing in your arms, and you squeezed her tight.

“Fucking demons.”

You laughed harder.

“Fucking demons.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize I've been sort of writing a day by day account of what's happening, but there's just a lot of ground to cover in the first few days. I'm also establishing a lot of different relationships and that takes some time so day by day it is.


	10. Make A Friend

**Be Eridan: Make A Friend**

French Toast was the food of the gods. You had no idea such a thing existed but now you did and you wanted to eat it everyday for the rest of your life.

You did try to sneak a piece that Sol claimed she was saving for her sister and received a sharp zap on the hand from her psionics. You withdrew your tingling hand quickly a little impressed that she had reacted so fast and that it actually kind of hurt.

You had sorted your new human cohorts into three simple categories. Very important, Sol, kind of important, Sai, and not important at all, Sai’s secondary spawn. You didn’t know her name and you were pretty sure you didn’t need to.

So when she arrived back at the house and sat next to you at the counter, you were a little flummoxed.

She gave you an amused once over, drizzling syrup on the french toast that taunted you with it’s golden brown exterior and soft eggy insides.

“I like your tennis balls Eridan. Way to accessorize.”

“My w-what?”

Sol started snickering into her coffee at the other end of the table, and you flushed.

Sai glanced at your horns and you remembered the horrid fuzzy green balls you’d had to shove onto them.

“I was wondering about that... Also why did you sleep on the couch? Was there something wrong with your room?”

Kanaya coughed.

“It seems there was some trouble with bed. And Eridan fitting in it properly. I got called to Hell on business and I wasn’t around to help-”

Sol was fully laughing now, and you lunged at her growling to try to get her to stop which only made her laugh harder.

The human sitting beside you was watching this play out with a small smile on her face while she continued to eat the French Toast. 

“Sounds like we should go check out the guest bedroom.”

She spoke with far too much amusement in her voice. You whipped around and snapped your fangs at her to try and get her to flinch.

“Mind your own fuckin’ business human.”

She just swallowed her bite with an infuriating little grin.

“You don’t know my name do you?”

You scoffed.

“W-why would I? You’re w-worthless to me.”

Kanaya stood up sternly to admonish you.

“Eridan, that is very rude.”

“It’s fuckin’ true.”

The human just snickered, her cloud of bushy black hair bouncing gently around her head.

“ I’m definitely worthless to you. But we're roommates now, so maybe we can try to be friends?”

You were suspicious, yet intrigued.

“Friends...?”

“ Yeah. Like try not to actively hurt each other. My name is Mituna. Just so you know.”

“...Can I call you Tuna?”

“Sure.”

“Ok. W-we can be friends.”

Sol looked kind of upset now but you weren’t sure why. She had a lot of feelings all the time and most of them didn’t make sense to you.

Sai looked around the table for a moment, lost, before she spoke again, her voice tight with concern.

“Well I want to know what happened to my guest bedroom.”

Kanaya sighed.

“I suppose we should go see the damage.”

“It ain’t that bad. Right Sol?”

She just shook her head at you.

**Be Sollux: Toe of Terror**

You did not want MT and Eridan to be friends. Even though it was pretty clear that Eridan’s idea of friendship was vastly different than your own, it made you feel like this was moving way too fast. She’d been in your life for little more than 24 hours and then she got to be friends with your sister? Who’s name she didn’t even bother to learn? It rubbed you the wrong way, and you followed the rest of them upstairs doing nothing to hide your scowl. 

You probably would’ve kept scowling , but MT touched your shoulder to stop you before you went into the room.

“Hey. Why don’t we take the dogs to the dog park later. Smoke a joint?”

It was hard to stay mad at her.

“Fine. Yeah. Need to get out of this fucking house.”

“Rad.”

You returned her proffered fist bump with a small smile. Just in time to hear your mom’s exclamation of horror.

You both pushed through the door into the room and even you were shocked. In the cold hard light of day it looked worse than you remembered. There were at least seven holes of varying size in the wall above the bed from where Eridan’s horns had gotten stuck, gouges along it where her tail and claws had dug into it. The wall around the window looked like it was crumbling apart and the window pane itself was a mess of spiderweb cracks. To top it all off there were feathers everywhere.

“How did this happen? How did I fucking sleep through it?” Sai said, swaying on her feet unsteadily.

MT snorted a laugh.

“Mom you slept through the fire alarm twice. And you never got us to school on time.”

“What happened to the window?” Kanaya said, frowning.

“She got stuck, trying to get in because of her...” You stuck your fingers in the air on the side of your head.

“I had to yank her through.”

Both Kanaya and Sai looked at you reproachfully.

“Why was she coming through the window?”

“That’s what I want to know, Sollux.”

“It’s not my fault, she was on the roof!”

Eridan snarled at you with less than her usual ferocity. She looked a little sick.

“You were on the roof too asshole!”

You stepped forward to defend yourself but you stepped on something kind of squishy and you stumbled backwards to find a severed human toe.

“What the fuck Amopora!” 

You kicked it away from you instinctively, and everyone in the room watched in horror as it sailed through the air, ricocheting off the window and finally landing on the ground in the middle of the room with a soft thump.

“Is that from your toe necklace?”

Kanaya asked with fascination, while Sai and MT just looked utterly nauseated.

“I told you I forgot to bring food Kan, I had to giv-ve em somethin’...”

“I trust this means you are finally over that shitshow of a relationship?”

“Don’t you fuckin’ judge me. He w-was your friend too.”

“He was Eridan.”

The demons faced off, staring at each other hotly, and you were just too preoccupied with the whole severed toe business to think much of it.

“What the actual fuck is going on? What were you feeding... with...with that?!”

Eridan broke her gaze away from Kanayas to roll her eyes at you. 

“My computer.”

“What!?”

“Com-pu-ter.”

She pointed to the far corner of the room, and low and behold, on the floor in the space between the desk and the far wall there was a laptop sized crab like creature, with four glowing green eyes.

You realized it must be like the bug-phone hybrid she used when you first met. It was a freaky concept, fusing technology with living creatures, but you were intrigued all the same. You wondered if you could get Eridan to let you poke around on it. Figure out how it worked.

“I don’t think it liked the toes too much though.”

Kanaya nodded.

“They’re probably a little past their prime.”

You, your mom and Mituna let out a simultaneous groan of horror and disgust.

“Yes, well not to worry I brought some proper food for the devices and I should be able to repair the room to a degree. Unfortunately the long term solution will require some sacrifices.”

He looked pointedly at Eridan and her face twisted in outrage. Her face also seemed paler than normal and a little sweaty.

“Kan I’m not doin’ it. You can’t fuckin’ make me.”

“I could make you. Very easily given your current restrictions, but rather than traumatize you that way If you just-”

She was crying a little now and her face went even paler.

“No! I’m not lettin’ you touch em! Nobody except Fef!”

“Even if we didn’t need to take them down now, a whole year of growth is just unreasonable Eridan.”

“No, no! I w-w-won’t let you-”

You realized what was happening.

“She’s going to be fucking sick!”

You shoved past your family, grabbing Eridan by the arm and dragging her to the bathroom across the hall. You actually had to use your psionics to pull her along because she seemed determined to keep fighting with Kanaya, but you managed to force her into the room and to her knees in front of the toilet. You had to use your powers to lift the seat, because she was actively trying to get up and you had to use your whole weight combined with your psionics to press her down.

“Sol you piece a shit, let me go!”

“No! Just throw up here you moron!”

“I don’t... hav-ve to-”

She lost it and you sighed in relief when she managed to make it into the bowl and stopped fighting you.

Kanya appeared at your elbow and you jumped in surprise. He moved very quietly for someone so large.

“I’m so sorry Sollux. This is my fault. I didn’t stop her from overeating.”

“Yeah... that was obvious. Jesus christ is she going to be ok?”

“It’s alright I’ll take care of her from here on out. Why don’t you go enjoy the rest of your afternoon?”

He was sort of politely walking you out of the room, and you didn’t really want spend the rest of the day babysitting a puking Eridan so you didn’t fight him on it. 

“I will, thanks. Have fun with... that.”

He smiled at you.

“I will.”

He shut the door in your face.

Sai and MT were just standing in the hall just staring at you in shock, and you turned to them and wiped the sweat off your forehead with the back of your hand.

“So MT you said something about a joint?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to post my art but I can't figure it out so here's some chapters. I will enlists one of my techy-er roomies for help soon to fix it.


	11. Betrayal Blues

**Be Eridan: Betrayal Blues**

You weren’t sure what hurt more.

The French Toast’s betrayal or Kan’s. But at least Sol had been tryin’ to take care a you, even if she was a asshole about it.

You hugged the toilet and tried not to cry.

But then you felt Kan’s big soft hands removing your glasses and peeling your scarf away and you stopped trying.

**Be Sollux: Do the Dog Park Doo-Dah**

Taking your dogs to the dog park wasn’t something you did super often because you dogs behaved exactly the same no matter where they were. As soon as he was off leash, Ferrel would ride on Lops head and bark at everything bigger than him and Lops would trundle around and sniff things, paying no attention to anything or anyone.

They weren’t unfriendly, but they were too absorbed in their weird little dynamic to be considered friendly either. So bringing them to the dog park was basically useless.

Sai probably would have tried to tag along with you, but she had to go to work, and that was fine with you because you and MT had sister stuff to talk about. Like what the fuck her whole deal with Eridan was. And what your whole deal with Eridan was.

You walked to the dog park in silence, passing the joint back and forth, a ritual as old as time. Or at least since you had discovered your mom’s stash and started sneaking it when you were fifteen.

People always did a double take when they saw you together. The way you wore your t-shirts and pants in swapped colors and the blue and red glasses you both wore in public to hide any flare ups were more subconscious habits than conscious decisions at this point, but it made you stick out even more than usual when you were side by side.

Luckily people seemed mostly content to leave you guys alone now that you weren’t cute little latchkey kids holding hands and crying about monsters.

“You want the roach?”

“Do you want a demon fiance?”

She snickered and crushed it under her sneaker. You both wore one red converse and one blue one, on the opposite feet because you just split up two pairs of shoes. When your whole public identity is “those freaky twins” at a certain point you just have to lean into it.

You’d reached the gate to the dog park and Ferrel was losing it, desperate to claim this new territory on his steed. You walked in and let them lose, wandering over to one of the benches to watch them do their weird thing and actually talk.

“So... are you still mad at me?”

You sighed and stretched your legs out in front of you.

“What makes you think I’m mad at you?”

“Because when I offered to be friends with Eridan you looked like you were gonna start throwing shit.”

“I’m not mad... exactly. I just... fuck. I keep thinking this is a dream I’m going to wake up from. But everyone keeps doing all this shit to make it normal and it’s fucking freaking me out. It’s really really freaking me out MT.”

“Do you want me to be mean to her then? Because it doesn’t seem like you’re doing that either.”

“I’m not trying to be nice. She’s just... It’s like a car crash. I can’t look away even though it hurts to watch.”

MT grinned at you and punched you in the arm.

“I knew it! You feel bad for her.”

You scoffed.

“As if.”

“You do. You totally do. You went to go help her last night and everything.”

“That was-! She was climbing around on the god damn roof and I went to go tell her to fuck off-”

“And then you helped her.”

“She was crying for fucks sake, what was I supposed to do?!”

“Every time you see a girl cry you get all weird. You fell in love with Tracey Bitchboobs even though she called us names because you saw her cry when she got hit in the face with a dodgeball in sixth grade.”

You felt your face grow hot despite yourself. Her real name was Tracey Winters and you had been madly in love with her. And true to her nickname she was a bitch with a great rack for a sixth grader which, at the time, made you simultaneously extremely jealous and horny.

“That-that was a one time thing MT.”

“You were in love with her for two years, Sollux. And then you fell in love with the girl in your drama class when you saw her in that stupid play where she cried a bunch-”

“Whatever weird thing I have with the crying is irrelevant because she’s a demon and I’m going to find a way out of this ok?!”

It was silent for a long moment.

“What if you can’t?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat.

“Then I guess she’s gonna die.”

“I get the feeling you’re less cool with that then you’re pretending to be.”

“Yeah, well that would because you’re my sister.”

“Sollux... Latula asked me to move in with him.”

You turned towards her sharply, mouth open with words that weren’t ready to leave.

“He’s moving out of his brother’s place at the end of the year. He got a really great sponsorship now and he asked me to...”

“Oh. Jesus, I thought you meant right now.”

“No. I mean, he wouldn’t offer that even if he could. He knows about all the demon shit.”

“Huh. Not gonna lie, I saw this coming. There was just no way in hell Mom was letting LA live with us.”

“Yeah, she’s so fucking stubborn... maybe you could come live with us then?”

“That would depend on how this demon shit shakes out wouldn’t it?”

“Just saying. It’s something to think about.”

“Thanks. Oh, I forgave her by the way. Sai’s no longer on my shit list.”

You knew MT was raising an eyebrow even though you couldn’t see them through her hair or glasses.

“Really? One day and you forgive her for putting you in an arranged marriage?”

“If she hadn’t, neither of us would exist to be mad about it. Don’t get me wrong I’m still pissed. I just think there’s a more deserving target for my rage somewhere.”

“...not Eridan?”

“I don’t think so. Something... really fucking bad happened to her. I don't know what exactly, but she’s just a pawn in this. Kanaya has something to do with it too. And probably more demons. That Scratch person who’s not a demon. God, I’m so fucked.”

You buried your face in your hands and tried to breathe.

“Hey...” She leaned into you and away in an awkward gesture of solidarity. “...we’re so fucked.”

You snickered into your palms.

“You know this, “all for one, one for all” shit works better when we’re in the same situation right?”

“We are in the same situation.”

“MT.”

“Fine. Not the same situation. But we have the same goal. To get you through this in one piece no matter what happens.”

You returned her weird swaying lean and she pressed against you. Your throat felt tight with emotion.

“Thanks...”

“No problem. You totes owe me weed now.”

“I knew there was a fucking scam in all this nice bullshit.”

“Duh. I’m the evil twin bish.”

You grinned and shook your head.

“You really are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to my roomie and bestie who helped me get this photo on here. I literally opened a new deviant art for this fic lol. Also ignore Sollux's skintone here. I abruptly decided to change her ethnicity but there is so much colored pencil on this I can't really change it. But when I get a finished piece of her she'll be half African American and Japanese. Since Sai is Japanese, but I saw a photo of a really cute black girl with short hair and I was like but what if. Sollux. Mituna with a natural afro. Ahh so cute, I had to. And I literally haven't described them at all yet. Also it's my fic I can do what I want.  
> As always thank u for reading. Stuffs bout to get kinda heavy so buckle up kids.


	12. Duel It Out

**Be Eridan: Duel It Out**

You basically had no functional magic left. You had enough to float feathers and dust up from around the room and put them in a garbage bag, which was admittedly less tedious then trying to do it by hand, but it was obnoxious that was basically it.

You had been stripped almost completely of power after your trial. They put you in Pit alive and magicless so the husks would tear you apart themselves.

But those fuckers didn’t know what you were, what you could do, what Kanaya had unwittingly turned you into. You had been climbing out for three months and you were starting to see some light, literally the difference between pitch black and charcoal, and you hadn’t died once. When Kanaya found you, you were half feral and primed to kill anything that moved. He was lucky you didn’t kill him before you recognized him. He was lucky you still cared about him after he had ripped you apart and thrown you back together.

He was lucky you weren’t trying to kill him right now, after insisting that he lop off your horns and tail to make you fit into the humans’ neat little box houses as if you belonged there.

Kanaya sighed heavily.

“Eridan, I can hear you muttering.”

“If you can hear me, w-what do you have to say for yourself Kan?”

“I’m not the one being unreasonable here, though I’m sympathetic to your feelings on the issue.”

“Then w-why don’t you try actin’ sympathetic for once!”

He finished his series of sigils on the wall without responding. Restoration was complicated magic and he was nothing if not methodical about it.

You huffed and turned away tying off the last garbage bag filled with debris from the pillows and blankets you’d shredded last night. 

“It doesn’t have to be me who does it. We could have Sollux-”

“Sol?! Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?”

“What is it going to take-”

“Fef! He’s the only one’s w-who’s ever, and he’s the only w-who ever fuckin’ w-w-will”

Kanaya turned towards you suddenly, fury clouding his face.

“Do you think he would appreciate your shitty attitude right now Eridan?!”

You laughed, mocking and cruel.

“If I had a shitty attitude he could’ve put me in my place in less than a minute. W-what can you do Kan?”

Kan’s expression shifted to one of concern, and he dropped his voice low and soft.

“Do you really want me to fight you over this?”

You smiled with all your teeth.

“Do you think you could w-win?”

His eyes hardened and he stood up straighter so his horns brushed the ceiling.

“Dueling rules. Tail caps and horn caps to prevent risk of serious injury, winner is decided by a ten second pin, inability to keep fighting or forfeit. I will take a handicap-”

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare Kan! Fight me for real or not at fuckin’ all.”

“...If you insist. Do you have any terms for me if I lose?”

You snarled.

“Obv-viously. If you lose you ave to cut your horns right down to the little nubs they started as. An round your tail off. Both points.”

“Alright. If you lose you will let either me or Sollux sand down your horns, tail and claws to a reasonable level to prevent you from destroying all that you touch.”

“My fuckin’ claws too?! Fine! I’m addin’ that to you’re penalty too.”

“Wonderful. When are we fighting?”

“Right now.”

“We don’t have any caps for-”

“I’m wearin’ some already, an I know w-where there’s more. No excuses Kan.”

“Fine.” He sighed heavily. “If this is what it takes...”

You didn’t reply. 

You didn’t need to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way I'm writing this makes chapter lengths kind of hard sometimes. This just a weird short one. But it's importante.


	13. More Than The French Toast

**Be Sollux: More than French Toast**

You and MT decided to make a night of it. She had more weed and you smoked another joint on the way back to the house, where you dropped the dogs off and piled into your little rustbucket.

To be honest you were avoiding Eridan. You didn’t have any idea what she would be like when you got home given the state you’d left her in and she’d thrown you for a loop with every single interaction so far. You were just scared what the next one would bring.

You went to in-n-out and then drove out of the city into the hills to find a spot to eat, rolled a few more joints and watched the sunset, taking turns playing different music for each other on your phones and shooting the shit.

You used to do this a lot in high school, when you first got your car and the world seemed to open it’s arms wide for you to explore.

The ghosts in the area noticed your presence and slowly gathered around you but neither of you paid them any mind. They were all victims of car crashes and the like, the anger that tethered them directionless, harmless, because it was just anger at the universe.

By the time you were sober enough to drive home it was almost nine o’clock and you ended up going to Taco Bell first because it’d been hours since you’d eaten.

The moment you rolled into the driveway you knew something was off. MT did too, and you both bolted out of the car and into the house. But the house was empty, your mom was still working at the hospital, and the dogs were whining at the sliding door to the backyard. You walked over to see what they were looking at and it took a solid second before you fully processed what you were seeing.

Eridan and Kanaya in a tangle of teeth and claws, fighting each other viciously in your backyard. You watched him slam her to the ground, claws dragging down her leg, only to have her twist up, grab him by the horns and throw him across the yard. He actually hit the ground limp for a moment before he seemed to catch himself on the bounce back, slowing his slide with a burst of emerald green magic. Everything was happening so fast you could barely follow the fight, as they bounced back and forth in your tiny yard, wrestling and crawling all over each other, before breaking apart to launch back at each other. Eridan was much faster and clearly physically stronger than Kanaya, despite how much bigger he was. You watched dumbstruck through the glass as she whipped him around again and again. She wasn’t just stronger either, she was completely in her element, practically laughing as each of Kanaya’s renewed attacks failed time and time again to hold her down.

He seemed like he was flagging, his breathing was so ragged it was shaky his whole frame and as he stumbled yet again and it occurred to you that she could kill him easily. But that wasn’t what this was about. They were covered in each other's blood, his green and hers violet, but they weren’t trying to kill each other at all.

You realized MT had joined you watching through the sliding glass door.

“Holy shit... Sollux... can you stop them from killing each other?”

“They’re not trying to kill each other.”

Her head snapped towards you, fear and concern making her normally cheerful expression twisted downwards.

“How can you tell?”

“They both have tennis balls on their horns and... Eridan would have killed him ten times over if that’s what this is about.”

“Jesus...”

You both watched as Eridan slammed Kanaya to the ground for what seemed like the final time, twisting his arm behind his back as she forced him down.

For a split second it seemed like it was over, then Kanaya's head lolled to the side and you saw his eyes begin to glow.

It happened instantaneously. There was a blast of energy and Eridan was thrown backwards into the fence which immediately splintered on impact. You were opening the door.

She rolled out the debris, onto her feet, cat-like, but his hand was already on her throat. She slashed his face desperately, as he lifted her up in the air. His eyes were huge pulsing emeralds and they matched the blood that sprung from his cheek. You were sprinting towards them. 

Kanaya was going to smash her brains out on the patio.

You felt her pass out. 

You forced them apart with psionic energy, sending Kanaya flying backwards, but you tried to focus most of it on cushioning Eridan as she crumpled.

Kanaya hit the ground with a dull thud and rolled for a second, a jumble of pale limbs, completely limp.

You rushed towards Eridan, hands shaking uncontrollably as you checked to make sure she was still breathing. You would have felt it If she died, but your brain was not content with this knowledge and you had to double check.

You turned back to Mituna who was frozen in the doorway.

“Check on Kanaya. I’m going to put her inside.”

MT nodded and stepped outside the dogs rushing out from under her feet.

Eridan took a sudden ragged gasp, her eyes snapping open suddenly to meet your own.

“Sol...!’

Her voice sounded awful, raspy and broken.

“Don’t try to talk.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in shakily and you tried to remember what you were supposed to do in this situation.

“I’m going to get you inside...”

You tried to pick her up, sliding your hands under her knees and she snarled and shoved you backwards onto your ass, rolling to her feet in absurdly smooth motion given what had just happened.

She swayed a little on her feet, but managed to keep her balance and strode towards where MT was bent over Kanaya’s prone body.

“Kan...?”

MT looked up, face pale but calm.

“He’s alive. Just passed out.”

She nodded, you thought for a moment she was going to pass out too, because her eyes closed and she seemed to stumble backwards, but then she swung around, pointing a finger at you aggressively.

“...elp im!”

You nodded. Seemingly satisfied, she started walking back into the house,the dogs trailing behind her trying to lick the blood dripping down her legs.

“Fuck...”

You stumbled to your feet, and went to help MT carry Kanaya into the house.

He was out cold, whatever magic he’d used had drained him completely.

You rolled him over onto his back, crouching down, wrapping your arms under his and positioning his giant horns so they rested on your shoulders before you nodded at MT to start lifting his legs.

Using a combination of both your psionics you managed to get him off the ground, his arms dragging behind you on the pavement as you walked backwards into the house.

You put him on the couch, his legs and horns hanging off either edge. The scratches on his cheek were already starting to heal over, and you suspected he would be up sooner rather than later, thanks to his healing powers. You told MT as much, though it didn’t seem to reassure her at all.

She muttered something about calling your mom, and ran up the stairs to do so and hide her unavoidable freakout. MT was more sensitive than she liked to let on, and you knew what she’d just seen had shaken her badly. It had shaken you too. But your fear had turned to fury.

The object of your anger was in the kitchen. She’d been chugging water from the sink when you’d first come in but now she had moved on to eating everything in sight, snapping down whole apples and ripping through an entire pack of english muffins like they were handfuls of cereal.

“Ampora.”

She didn’t even twitch in your direction, and you watched in horror as she inhaled the last two bananas, peels and all.

The counter now devoid of food, she spun around towards the fridge and you yanked the door closed with your powers as she tried to open it.

She tried again, and there was a brief struggle before you managed to shut it, the force shaking the fridge violently.

Eridan finally turned to look at you, eyes slightly teary with desperation, her mouth opening and closing roughly, before she seemed to find her voice and croaked “I’m hungry...”.

You walked towards her slowly.

“You’re going to make yourself sick again.”

She glared at you for a moment, before she let go of the fridge door and slid to the floor with a soft whimper.

You joined her on the floor, and you just stared at each other. Lops waddled over and leaned his head against her lap. She smiled and pulled him all the way in, and Ferrel followed, curling up on top of Lops’ back. It would’ve been cute in any other circumstances.

It seemed like she was healing too, although not as quickly as Kanaya. The gashes on her legs and arms were no longer gushing blood and seemed smaller than they had before.

Finally she broke the silence. Licking her lips and grinning at you.

“Somebody’s angry.”

Her voice even sounded better.

“What gave it away?” You sneered sarcastically.

She chuckled, though it clearly hurt, and quickly dissolved into a fit of coughing.

“You... fuckin’ suck at controllin’ your aura Sol...”

“I know this was your shitty idea Ampora.”

“You w-want a medal for figurin’ that out?”

You were trembling with rage now. Your eyes started to feel hot and sparks were starting to form on your hands.

“What actual the fuck is your problem?! You almost died!”

She closed her eyes and breathed in harshly.

“ An I w-would ave deserv-ved it. I didn’t take the handicap.”

“What handicap!?”

“I let him use magic. I can’t do magic anymore Sol. Barely anyw-ways.”

She laughed again and pressed a hand to her throat. Suddenly where there had been smooth skin there was a series of sigils, carved into the skin around her neck to form a collar of interlocking scars. You didn’t understand them, but you could feel the latent power of them, the way they held her captive.

She removed her hand and the ring of scars faded leaving only the fresh collar of bruises from Kanaya’s choke hold. Your anger was fast sliding away from you, even though you wanted to hold onto it. There was so much you didn’t understand. About everything. About her.

“...why the fuck would you fight him in the first place?”

She looked at you like you were an idiot.

“To prove a point.”

“Oh yeah? And how’d that work out for you?”

“You saw... He w-won.”

“He didn’t. What he did... it was like survival magic; he wasn’t in control of it at all. That doesn’t seem like winning to me.”

“So? There’s nothin’ in the rules about bein’ in control. I blacked out first. Ergo I lost the duel. ”

You shook your head. There was just too much to unpack with Eridan.

She sighed and leaned her head back against the fridge, or tried to. Really she just rested on her backwards arcing horns, tipped with now filthy tennis balls.

“Sol... I’m so fuckin’ hungry.”

You laughed. Because she would be.

“I’ll cut you a deal.”

“I’m listenin’...”

“If you go take a shower, I’ll make you some food.”

Her eyes went all shiny like they did when she was excited.

“...French Toast?”

“Yeah I can make you that.”

“Thank you.”

The way she was looking at you made you squirm internally, made you look away.

“It’s just french toast...”

“Not just for that Sol.”

“Oh. Yeah. I’m not in the habit of letting people die in my backyard.”

Eridan grinned and you flushed despite yourself.

“How altruistic a you.”

“Just go take a fucking shower already. You probably rolled in dog shit out there.”

“Alright, I’m goin’...”

She snickered and gently pushed the dogs off her lap, offering her hand to you as she stood up.

You hesitated before you took it, but you took it.

Her skin felt too cold and strangely thicker than your own. 

You felt her touch linger long after she had walked away, even after you had washed your hands. You kept rubbing your fingers together to try and get rid of it.

You went to check on Kanaya before you started cooking. He seemed to be asleep, his eyes moving beneath his lids, his mouth twisted into a little frown. You took a wet paper towel and dabbed at his face. You weren’t sure if it would do anything but it seemed like the thing to do in this situation.

After about a minute you decided that it was stupid and unhelpful and you turned to leave, only to find his big white hand gripping your wrist so hard you felt your joints pop.

His eyes opened wide as you tried to pull away, desperation making his voice tight and sharp.

“Where’s Eridan?!”

You felt his hand tighten and you used your psionics to break his grip before he broke your wrist, stumbling away as he sprung to his full height in a full blown panic.

“Where’s Eri-”

“She’s taking a shower Kanaya, calm down!”

“... she’s alive...!”

“Yeah, she’s alive.”

“Oh...!”

He collapsed back on the couch without another word burying his head in his hands.

“... umm... I’m making french toast again? If that... sounds good to you.”

He lowered his hands and you could see the tears in his eyes.

“That would be wonderful Sollux... Thank you.”

You nodded.

You knew he was thanking you for more than the french toast.

You weren’t going to make him say it though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm real serious about how different demon culture is from human culture. It's going to be bumpy ride for everyone trying to understand each other and why they do the things they do. But on the other hand. I didn't put this in the chapter because it's cereal biddniss, but like the whole time I'm writing the tail end of this fight scene, which has been happening for like 4 hours, I've been imagining just tiny little Eridan yeeting Kanaya across the yard by his oversized horns. Over and over again. And it's fucking hilarious.  
> On another note: I'm from California. And like all my fics unintentionally take place there unless otherwise specified. There's just something about the vibe that I just cannot get away from in my soul.


	14. Modesty Is AS Modesty Does

**Be Eridan: Modesty Is As Modesty Does**

Modesty was not a virtue that came easily to you.

Or to any demon. But particularly not to you. You loved your body and you didn’t care who saw it, admired it. You especially liked being admired. You had assumed you would be relying on glamours to fit in on earth, since you could still cast a weak one, though it was really a deflection at best. You didn’t know that your betrothed would be able to see through that type of magic when you were packing. Or that Kanaya would insist you wore clothes everyday.

You sighed at your suitcases and their disappointing contents. You were out of clean clothes already. Except for underwear. You always wore underwear for protection so you had dedicated a suitcase to them.

Sol would just have to deal with seeing more of you than she was used to.

You heard Kanaya’s voice downstairs and you practically jumped into your panties, grabbing your scarf as an afterthought as you raced out of your room.

You passed Tuna in the hall and you grabbed her too, yanking her down the stairs after you by the wrist.

“Whoa Eridan! What’s going on?”

“Kan’s up!”

You stopped suddenly at the foot of the stairs, seeing him standing in the living room still covered in blood. Yours and his.

You turned and grinned at Tuna in your relief and she returned the expression. You let go of her wrist and went to hug him.

“Hey, no hugging he hasn’t show- goddamnit Ampora!”

You looked over just quick enough to see Sol’s face go red before she covered her face and spun around.

“W-what’s her problem?”

Kanaya laughed, his eyes crinkling up warm and familiar.

“I do believe she’s embarrassed because you’re not fully dressed.”

“I’m w-wearin’ all the clothes I got right now.”

“Oh dear... well I’m supposed to shower, because of...”

“Dog shit!” Sollux yelled from the kitchen, her body staunchly turned away from you.

“Right. Would you show me how to use their tap?”

“Course.”

You grabbed his big hand and went to lead him back up the stairs. Tuna stepped out of your way with a grin, calling up after you. “I’ll find you some more clothes!”

“I’m wearin’ two things already ain’t that enough?” You muttered.

Kanaya laughed again and squeezed your hand.

“Definitely not. Not for them.”

**Be Sollux: Don’t Think About It**

You shouldn’t have been so shocked to see her basically naked. You’d seen her that way before, in the grocery store. But it was worse now that you knew her, now that she was staying in your house and you had to see her literally all the time.

Mituna approached you as you flipped another piece of french toast, your face still burning.

“You doing alright there?”

“Are you?”

She laughed and poked your side until you flinched away. Wishing she didn’t know exactly why you were so affected by Eridan's unexpected grand entrance. 

“I’m fucking great. Sai’s on her way home. And those two... they seem fine. After all that.”

“MT the bonds of demonic friendship can’t be broken by a single shitty fight. Or attempted murder aparently.”

She leaned against the counter.

“Are you sure they’re just friends? Weren’t they just going to take a shower together?”

“Eridan already showered. And yes I’m sure. They’re like... siblings. Why the hell are you asking me this?”

“I don’t know. I just wanted to see if you were jealous yet.”

You didn’t process her words until after she started walking away.

“Wait, jealous?”

She laughed and bounded up the stairs.

“MT?!”

She was so fucking evil.

You turned back to the stove, the question slipping out of your mouth before you could stop yourself.

“Yet...?”

**Be Eridan: Pride and Cowardice**

You sat on the toilet seat while he showered.

You felt like you’d spent a lot of time in this bathroom since you’d been on Earth. At this point it was much homier to you than the room you’d been given.

Kanaya was taller than the shower head by a large margin so it was easy to talk to him while he was in there. It should have been easy anyways, but you couldn’t find the words. Your thoughts felt like a tangled ball of yarn and if you could just find an end you could pull them into a straight line and you’d have it all laid out.

In the end it was Kan who spoke first.

“Eridan... I’m so glad you’re alright. I’m sorry I... attacked like that.”

“...you really w-wanted to win, huh Kan?”

He sighed softly.

“Yes.”

“It’s my fault. I should’ve taken the fuckin’ handicap w-when you offered it to me. I w-was just bein’... stupid an arrogant.”

“I was the arrogant one. I underestimated you gravely and tapped into my core out of fear. It was my cowardice and pride that led us here.”

“Kan... you... didn’t think I w-was gonna hurt you for real did you?”

He turned towards you suddenly, offended.

“Of course not! I... I was afraid if I didn’t beat you... you would never respect me again.”

“ I know I made it out to be that w-way but it’s not true. I mean... I owe you my fuckin’ life Kan.”

“And I almost killed you anyways.”

He was really starting to piss you off, but he crouched out of view before he saw your glare, presumably to actually wash his face and hair.

“In a duel I challenged you to. I started it. An you... you saved me from the...”

You couldn’t say what. It felt like that would invite them back.

The water shut off suddenly and his hand shot out from behind the curtain snatching the towel that hung above your head.

“I cut you half.”

“An then you put me back together!”

“I stripped you of your magic.”

“I was conv-victed of High fuckin’ Treason, you w-were just followin’ orders!”

“...I testified against you.”

“You also testified for me Kan! It was my trial, I was fuckin’ there!”

He swiped the curtain open, snarling.

“Can you let me fucking feel bad?!”

“No you giant jerk! I w-was bein’ a stubborn piece a shit like I always am, an I coulda fuckin’ died but I didn’t! This is the oldest I’ve ev-ver been! ...I’m the oldest I’ve ever been... cause of you.”

He sighed and stepped out of the shower, wrapping the towel around his waist as he did so. It looked comically small.

“You are a stubborn piece of shit. You would’ve been out of the Pit in three years or less.”

You laughed at that. No one made it out of the Pit. Not when they were thrown to the bottom.

“Now you’re grossly overestimating me.”

“Maybe. I shouldn’t have won the duel. That much is clear.”

“But you did. An a deals a deal.”

“I know the rules, Eridan. Is my robe still in your room?”

“Yeah.”

He turned to leave and you realized something.

“Kan!” 

He looked at you over his shoulder, his gaze gently and curious.

“I... I w-want you both to do it.”

“You and Sol.” You added after a moment.

He smiled at you softly.

“I’d be honored.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Kanaya. He feels really responsible for Eridan's bullshit even though he's really not. Also lucky Sollux, getting to see so much Eridan butt. And Mituna having a great time, in the corner just eating popcorn and watching, like this is fun, except can we not try to kill each other please?  
> I don't know if anyone can tell but the dogs are actually like a reference to Sollux's lusus. And I'm going to draw them because they're cute.


	15. Vision

**Be Sollux: Vision**

She didn’t have a face. The woman in the white dress suit. Her head was like a void, a strange bright white void, a photo negative of a black hole. Then she turned her, lack of a head and it was a perfect white sphere, occupying space and everything. Like a cue ball.

She ran her white hand across the wall.

You were in some kind of tunnel, a natural cave, the walls slick with moisture. You could hear screaming in the distance, bouncing and echoing oddly. More than one cave then.

She just kept walking along, her fingers trailing behind her until they caught on something invisible and she stopped.

_ Ahh, There it is... _

She didn’t speak. How could she with no head, no face to speak of? Her words were in your head somehow. But this was premonition, or a vision of the past. How could that work?

You were slowly pulling away from the scene, coming back to your body.

Her fingers slid into thin air with a familiar crackle of red and blue sparks, and pulled on something. The slit opened wider, taller, a thin line in the air. White and black pulsing energy with red and blue lightning. 

Just like psionics.

You were almost awake, but this was important. You struggled to focus on the woman as the details muddied, your perspective moving farther and farther away. Her head was a void again.

What was she?

You saw the vague white shape of her body pass through the tear right before you crashed back into your own reality.

You shot awake with gasp.

“Psionics can open portals...!”

**Be Eridan: Learn The Art Of The High Five**

You woke up when you bit down on something solid and you heard it crack.

You shot up in a panic, as Tuna pulled the wooden spoon out of your mouth with a grin.

“W-what the actual fuck?!”

She laughed and inspected the spoon which you had split in half.

“Damn! You have serious bite power.”

“You think these are for fuckin’ show?!”

You snarled at her and she tapped the spoon against your barred teeth.

“What were you trying to bite?”

“I w-wasn’t.” You growled, flinching away and using your teeth to rip off one the oven mitts Sol had duct taped back together off your hand.

“I mean in your dream, dingus.”

You glared at her and her expression didn’t change. She wore the same toothy crooked grin fixed on her face all time and you wondered if her mouth got tired. You ripped off the other oven mitt like it had personally wronged you and her face still didn’t change. 

“... a Husk probably.”

“What’s a husk?”

“Fucks sake, do you ever stop askin’ questions?”

“Sure. When I’m not curious anymore.”

You grinned at that and pushed the blankets off yourself.

“Sai never told you w-what a Husk is?”

Tuna leaned back on her hands and the coffee table she was sitting on creaked ominously.

“Yeah, looking back it is very suspicious how much she knows about demons... but she never talked about husks before.”

“They’re demons who’re so close to disintegration they only ave tw-wo impulses. Kill an eat what they kill.”

“Demon zombies. Sick.”

You snorted.

“Yeah. Sick in the head.”

She grinned wider and leaned her closed fist towards you, like a punch without any momentum.

You gave her a questioning look.

“Make a fist.”

You did so suspiciously.

“Okay, now press your fist against my fist.”

You followed her instructions.

“Sweet. Pull away and do it fast, but not hard.”

You repeated the motions and you bumped your fists together.

“Tuna, darlin’... w-what was the point a all that?”

“It’s called a fist bump. It’s like a high five.”

“W-what the hell is a high five?”

Her grin fell away for the first time. Her brown eyes were dead serious.

“Dude.”

**Be Sollux: Rubber Nemesis**

You’d been experimenting in your room since you woke up at the crack of dawn, for hours on end. Trying to teleport an eraser from one end of your desk to another. A smaller target than the candy bar you’d originally teleported by accident. You had thought that would make it easier

It did not make it easier.

Your head began to hurt from the nonstop effort and you wanted to punch something, but you kept trying, launching the eraser around your room over and over again with comical force. If you could figure out how to control your psychic powers enough to teleport things, you could eventually control them enough to open a portal like the being in your vision had. And then.

You weren’t sure what. But it seemed important. Maybe it was the skill that could get you out of this arranged marriage. Maybe it was the skill that would lead to the skill.

The eraser hit the window sill for the thousandth time and bounced back to your feet. You wanted to scream.

You snatched it up and chucked it at the wall as hard as you could. It hit the wall flat and then fell back to your desk, like it had never left. It made you laugh. You were losing your mind.

You pulled your chair up to the desk and sat down. You took a deep breath. The eraser sat there, pink, motionless, insignificant.

You needed it to be somewhere else. You needed it to be somewhere else instantly.

You closed your eyes. When you opened them it would be on the other end of the desk. It would be there because you needed it to be there. 

You needed it to be there.

It would be there.

You opened your eyes. 

The eraser popped out of existence with a little burst of psionic energy, and popped back at the edge of the desk, slightly off the edge, but more or less where you’d tried to put it.

You breathed a sigh of relief, your hands relaxing their grip on the arms of your chair. You leaned your head back, your temples throbbed and you could feel the beads of sweat on your forehead.

You smiled through the pain. You did it. You beat your rubber nemesis. And you could smell bacon cooking downstairs.

All in all, not a bad morning.

**Be Eridan: Fucking Psychics**

Everything smelled so good here. 

All the food smelled and tasted amazing, except for the coffee, which smelled terrible to you. Worse than any food or drink you’d find at home. It smelled better than rotting corpses, but only just. 

You tried to sneak a piece of raw bacon from behind Tuna’s back, and received a sharp zap on the hand for your trouble.

“Get out of there! I have to cook it first, bitch. ”

You snarled and snatched your hand away, shaking it to try and get rid of the painful static-y sensation.

“You didn’t ave to zap me!”

“You’re right... We should invest in a spray bottle.”

You glared and flipped her the bird with your non achy hand. One of the many human hand gestures you had learned this morning.

She grinned and zapped your middle finger.

Fucking psychics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all it's time. For some plot maybe. Also Mituna and Eridan BONDING. It's cute.


	16. Grumpy

**Be Sollux: Grumpy**

You stumbled downstairs, stomach rumbling and badly dehydrated.

Sai and Kanaya were sitting together at your little kitchen island, your mom staring dazed into her coffee while Kanaya tapped on his own spiky bug-phone.

Kanaya noticed you staring and looked up with a soft smile on his face.

“Oh, good morning Sollux.”

Sai blinked and looked up at you. She looked so tired. She had picked up a short morning shift to make up for bailing on her usual long one. You wished she hadn’t come home. There was nothing for her to do when she got back but to stare at the decimated backyard. Kanaya’s repeated reassurances that he could fix it, once he had rested, not quite reaching her.

“Are you ok, kiddo?”

“Yeah, I was just... practicing something new.”

Kanaya cocked his head.

“With your powers?”

“Yup.”

You stared at each other for a moment when you offered nothing else. The tiny sliver of trust you had in him was gone. He’d almost killed her. And there was the whole chainsaw business.

“Hey Sollux, how do you want your eggs?”

MT interrupted your staring contest. Which was good because he didn’t need to blink his big red eyes as much as you needed to blink your own.

“Over-easy or scrambled is fine.”

You walked into the kitchen proper from the stairway to find Eridan and your sister standing over the stove, frying eggs together.

You stalked to the cupboards to grab a mug, which you filled with water from the tap and chugged, then with coffee. Your head hurt too much to make sense of this behavior. It was pretty cool, the burner had turned off, and you drank almost half of it in gulp.

You didn’t even have eggs after the french toast parade yesterday.

“How’d you go to the store?”

MT smiled as she cracked two more eggs into the pan.

“We took your car.”

“What? You can’t even drive.”

“I can driv-ve.” Eridan spoke out beside you, before popping egg shells into her mouth, crunching them loudly between her teeth.

Mituna swatted her with a towel while you brain struggled to process the information. Eridan and MT were cooking breakfast together. Went to the store together. Used your car to go to the store.

“Eridan! Stop eating the motherfucking shells, I’ve told you like three times.”

“They taste good! At least fuckin’ try one Tuna.”

“Dude, I’d get sick.”

“You let her drive my fucking car?!”

They both turned towards you, surprise and confusion mirrored on both their faces.

“We needed food and Sai wasn’t home yet so, yeah. You always said I could use it if I needed to.”

“Yeah! Like if you ever sucked it up and got your fucking license MT. Not so you could let a demon chauffeur you around. She doesn’t even- like do you even know road safety laws!?”

You turned to Eridan, hoping against hope that she would have a reassuring answer for you.

She glared at you coldly.

“I ain’t a idiot, Sol. I read the pamphlet.”

You groaned, you were about to go off again when Sai spoke up from behind you.

“Sollux!”

You turned around to find her standing behind you with her hand outstretched, two pills in her palm.

“Mom I don’t need-”

“Now. You have a headache because you pushed yourself too hard and it’s not just going to go away.”

You grumbled and accepted them, choking them back with more coffee.

“I agree that letting Eridan drive was reckless, but everything went well and we can work on that later. For now let’s just enjoy breakfast, ok?”

She rubbed your arm and you sighed. 

“Fine.” 

You spun around to glare at MT.

“Seriously though. Don’t fucking do that again.”

She snickered.

“Alright, sorry. Food’s ready.”

“Great.”

You grabbed the plate she offered you sharply and turned away. Sai raised an eyebrow at you, and you sighed. You couldn’t handle the disappointed parent face. You looked over your shoulder and gave her an appreciative nod.

“Thanks for breakfast.”

She grinned.

“You’re welcome.”

“Yeah, you’re w-welcome, Sol.”

Eridan met your eyes and you nodded at her too before you spun around towards the counter to shovel the food into your face.

**Be Eridan: Sharing Is Caring**

Sol looked like she was in pain. 

She was being so short with everyone, even her family you were beginning to think something was really wrong. She was eerily silent while everyone was eating. She didn’t say a single word or crack a smile or even laugh at you when you tried tabasco sauce and started crying because it burned your tongue like there was fire in it somehow.

You were worried.

“Hey Eridan, do you want the last piece?” MT startled you out of your thoughts.

“Last piece a w-what?”

“Bacon.”

You hadn’t even noticed it, laying all by it’s lonesome on a plate in the middle of the table, too busy watching Sol to see if she would perk up.

“Sol?”

Her eyes flicked towards you.

“Hmm?”

“Did you w-want the last piece a bacon?”

You swallowed the saliva collecting in your mouth at the word.

She blinked at you a second, before glancing at the bacon and then back with a bemused expression.

“You don’t want it?”

“No.” You lied through your teeth.

She leaned forward and grabbed it from the middle of the table, waved it in front of your face.

“You don’t want it at all?”

“... no.”

She smirked at you.

“You sure Eridan?” 

You licked your lips before you could stop yourself.

“... maybe a little.”

Sol snickered and ripped in half, throwing one piece on your plate and popping the other into her smug mouth.

You stared at her and she grinned around her bite.

“It’s called sharing.”

You felt your face heat up and you snatched it off the plate.

“I know w-what sharin’ is!”

She just shrugged and stood up from the table, her mouth fixed in a smirk.

“Ok.”

You crunched the bacon between your teeth. Making her smile at the cost of your own dignity was too steep a price for your liking but the meat took some of the sting out of it. Kanaya smiled at you softly from across the table, and you ducked your head to avoid his eyes.

You remembered something Vriska had said to you, before you’d started trying to kill each other. When you’d been friends, and sometimes more than that.

_ “You know... all of Kanaya’s pathetic little feelings don’t make him better than us. We know the truth. Lean into the soft stuff and you’ll get stabbed.” _

At the time you had agreed, but you asked the question anyways. You valued his opinion.

_ “An w-what if you don’t? Get stabbed I mean.” _

He had smiled at you then.

_ “That’s obvious. If you didn’t get stabbed...”  _

You remembered how his smile stretched to the far corners of his face, but his eyes remained cold, impassive. You should have known then what he was going to do.

_ “You’re the one who should be doing the stabbing” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grumpy Sollux and concerned Eridan. D'aww. Also Vriska gets his first real mention. He might have been the one to give her a necklace of human toes. Maybe. ; )  
> Also I know tabasco sauce could barely be called spicy but demons food ranges from tasting like nothing or tasting horrible, so unless they have the privilege of spending a lot of time topside they don't develop their palates enough to know what spicy is or to learn how to enjoy it.


	17. Serious Business

**Be Sollux: Serious Business**

Your phone started going off in your pocket as you were loading dishes into the dishwasher. Penance for your earlier bitchiness. You fished it out and your eyes widened in horror as you read the caller ID. It was your boss.

“Shit!”

You literally forgot you had a job. You had your birthday and yesterday off, but they expected you to be back today.

You answered it before you realized that you hadn’t thought up a single excuse for your absence.

“Hey Mr. Tobashi... what’s up?”

“What’s up is your shift started twenty minutes ago Sollux and I can’t ask Sadie to stay any longer.”

“I’m so sorry, I forgot I had work today-”

“Forgot you had work! What kind of excuse is that?-”

“I know I’ll be right there-” 

You ran into the living room, sitting on the couch to try and shove on your shoes as Mr. Tobashi kept talking.

“-never once shown a lick of effort. If you’re late again I’m afraid we’ll have to have a serious chat about-”

Kanaya’s big white hand yanked your phone out from where you were holding it against your ear with your shoulder.

“Hey!”

He put it to his ear.

“Hello... I’m afraid Sollux will no longer be in need of employment at your business-”

“Kanaya, what the hell?!”

He held a finger to his lips and walked away as you tried to clamber over the couch to get your phone back. You were too drained from your earlier practice to do it the easy way.

“Yes, she has found better means of sustaining herself. Of course you will pay out her vacation and sick time in full. And give her a glowing review to any future employers. Thank you so much for your time. Good bye.”

You were speechless with rage.

He offered it back to you with a smile.

“Forgive me. I meant to do that earlier.”

You snatched it out of his hand.

“Who fucking asked you to?”

“It’s in the contract.”

“Wait, what...?”

“We’ll provide for you and your family financially for the next three years, and of course cover the added strain of housing Eridan and myself.”

“Why three years? And then why is Sai still working?”

“I wasn’t the demon who made the contract so I’m afraid I don’t know the reasoning behind it.”

Your mom walked into the room with a load of laundry.

“I’ll tell you why, because I was trying to get as much from the soulsucker as I possibly could.”

“Yeah, I get that... but why are you still working?”

She rolled her eyes at you, shifting the basket higher on her hip.

“For your college fund. I want one kid who gets through the damn thing.”

“Jesus, Mom... thanks, I guess.” You turned back to Kanaya. “Next time can you give me a little warning...?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t want to know how you’re covering the costs, do I?”

He scratched his head, looking almost bashful.

“Oh... well, probably not. Although you have my assurance that no violence is used to procure funds. It simply isn’t needed.”

You flashed him a condescending smile.

“Great.”

“Yes, it is.”

You narrowed your eyes at him and you stalked back into the kitchen to finish your chores.

You could hear Sai and Kanaya speaking softly behind you and you shoved your earbuds back in to drown out the muttering. If they weren’t trying to include you in the conversation you weren’t going to give them the satisfaction of trying to listen in.

You were heading back up the stairs to hide out in your room, when Kanaya stopped you, motioning for you to take out your earbuds so you could hear him.

You scowled but did it anyway.

“Sollux, there is something that Eridan needs your help with today.”

“And what might that be?” You said, mocking the way he spoke in a lazy kind of way.

There was no denying it, you were in full asshole mode today. You just couldn’t find it in yourself to try and turn it down for him.

Kanaya seemed unphased.

“Cutting down her horns and other... sharp bits.”

“Why isn’t she asking me then?”

“Because she is very embarrassed and refused to do it herself, but I think it best we get this over with today.”

Eridan embarrassed. That was amusing.

“Huh. Can’t you do it yourself?”

He shook his head.

“She consented to the both of us, not to me as an individual. I’d rather not try to push those boundaries again, given how... yesterday shook out.”

“Wait a second... You’re telling me that whole shitty fight, where you lost control and nearly killed her, was about cutting her damn horns?” 

You practically hissed at him but his expression remained infuriatingly neutral.

“It was a duel. And yes. A demon’s horns are a very sensitive area. They are a powerful weapon and a powerful weakness. To allow another to touch them for upkeep is a great show of trust. And they are the only way we show age, so for Eridan... cutting down her horns is especially painful.”

“...why me then?”

He gave you an amused smile that made your cheeks heat up.

“I’m sure you can figure that out yourself.”

“... Fine.”

You shoved your phone and earbuds into your pocket and followed Kanaya into the backyard.

True to his word, he had repaired all the damage they had done the day before. It actually looked nicer. Like he had repaired the fence and your mom’s flower pots to a better state than the one they started in.

Eridan was sitting on your patchy lawn, playing tug-a-war with Ferrel while Lops had made himself comfortable on her lap.

Your dogs had accepted her so easily it was strange. You thought they’d be more apprehensive of people with fangs, not less.

When she saw you approach, her eyes widened in surprise and her cheeks got a little more purple. She tossed the toy away and Ferrel sprinted after it.

She didn’t meet your eyes, focusing on Lops and playing with his ears.

“So I... I guess this means you said yes, then?”

She gave you a brief glance then looked away sharply, her cheeks blooming violet.

You couldn’t help your smirk. She really was embarrassed.

“I guess I did.”

“Kan w-w-will show you how to do it... so it should be... um. Not too hard.”

Eridan was nervous too, her hands twitching, and one of her fangs worried at her lip.

“Yeah. It’s no problem, don’t worry about it.”

You saw her bottom lip start to wobble, but she pushed Lops off her lap and stood up, cutting off your ability to see her face for the split second she needed to get herself under control.

“Shall we begin?” Kanaya spoke out beside you pleasantly.

Eridan nodded sharply. Walking over to one of your old lawn chairs on the patio and taking a seat.

Kanaya had set up a table covered in tools, some familiar, some alien, next to it. 

You gulped.

This was serious business.

Kanaya rested his hand on your shoulder.

“We’ll start with her claws.”

**Be Eridan: Trust**

Kanaya started by washing your feet in water he heated up with magic, while Sol stood next to him awkwardly, wide eyed and apprehensive. You hadn’t thought you’d be treated like this ever again, never thought you’d do more than sharpen your claws on the walls of the Pit and keep fighting for the rest of your days. Forever.

You should’ve been excited. But you’d never let anyone but Fef touch these parts of you. You’d never trusted anyone but him not to take advantage. You still didn’t. Not really.

Kanaya paused drying your feet with a towel with a soft sigh and a bemused expression.

“Eridan... you’re growling.”

You growled louder, unintentionally, before you tried to swallow the sound and unclench your hands.

“...Sorrry Kan...”

“Hmm...”

He reached up and cupped your face in his big hand, and you leaned into his touch. He brushed his thumb along your cheek.

“Please trust me.”

Tears appeared in the corners of your eyes and you squeezed them shut.

You wanted to trust him. You wanted to trust Sol. You just had to let go. Of all the things you thought made you powerful before. You had to stop being so fucking paranoid.

You took a deep shaky breath. You took a few.

“... I trust you.”

“And Sollux?”

“...yes.”

You opened your eyes to Kanaya’s smiling face.

“Thank you Eridan.”

“It’s fine, Kan. You’ve more than earned it.”

Sol’s face seemed utterly perplexed, and a touch angry. But she seemed like she’d been angry all day so you weren’t really sure what that meant.

“Alright. Let’s begin.”

He propped your clean feet on a little stool, letting them rest on the towel.

The sound of him unrolling the tools, made your nerves shoot up again, and you struggled to control the defensive growl building in your throat.

“Can... can w-we put on some fuckin’ music or somethin’?”

Sol stopped staring at the Claw Kit to look at you with surprise.

“Demons listen to music?”

“W-we’re not fuckin’ animals... Kan giv-ve me your phone.”

“Where’s yours?”

“Throwin’ a tantrum. It hasn’t opened since the night before yesterday.”

Kan shook his head, but pulled his phone out of his red robe and handed it to you.

You poked around his screen till you found spotify, put in a few bands you liked to make a radio, laying it on it’s back on the table so it couldn’t do more than wiggle it’s legs.

“This sounds like sad hipster garbage.” Sol said, looking at the phone’s screen with interest.

“... why are you using spotify... human spotify?”

“Demons don’t make good music, Sol. An I happen to find it relaxin’ so shut your trap.”

She grinned at you, raising her hands open palmed in surrender.

“Got it. I’ll shut up now. As soon as you tell me what this is for.”

She pointed at the mallet on the table and you snickered.

“Don’t w-worry about it. We ain’t even close to that step yet.”

“Sollux if you’ll take a seat on the ground I’ll show you what we're going to do first...”

“Yeah... ok.”

She joined Kanaya at the ground by your feet, and you tried to remember you were safe, you trusted them.

“In order to file her claws we have to get them to extend first, so what we do is we press right here.”

You tried not to make any noises of discomfort as you felt his hand wrap around your foot and press firmly underneath the ball of it, forcing your claws to push out to their full length.

“We’re not going to get rid of them entirely, we’re going to cut them so that when they extend there’s just enough to do some damage.”

“Why the hell are we doing that?”

“Eridan would be defenseless without them, since she cannot use magic or weapons. And though it is much safer here I won't risk leaving her without anything to protect herself.”

You looked down at him fondly.

“I don’t know about defenseless... but I appreciate the sentiment Kan.”

“I knew you would.”

“Alright. I get the gist. It’s like clipping dog nails.”

You squawked in surprise as Sol grabbed your foot and squeezed your claws out.

You yanked your foot away and she let go immediately

“Shit, sorry!”

“A little gentler next time please Sol...” You realized you were growling a little and tried to push it back down.

“My bad.”

“Kan, show her how to do it before you giv-ve her fuckin’ clippers.”

“Ouch. Do you not want me to do this Ampora?”

“No! Stay... I w-want you to.”

“Ok then...”

She flushed a little under your gaze before she turned away to watch Kanaya clip and shape your claws shorter.

When she went to do it herself she was much more gentle, and you started to relax a little.

It was nice. You were sitting outside getting your claws treated for the first time in almost 6 months, and you were topside, so you got to enjoy the sun on your face and the wind in the trees.

You wished Feferi was with you.

When you got him back you hoped he would still trust you enough to take care of his horns and claws. Like you used to. Before you’d betrayed him.

Before you had betrayed everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I know things are probably going slowly, perhaps painfully so but like... there's just a lot to cover. I'm trying to work through it piece by piece. I have a lot of ideas like so many. I've been thinking about this for more than a year before I started writing it. Which is insane. I'm just crazy like that, I guess.  
> Anyways no more rambling. Please enjoy!


	18. Cat Like

**Be Sollux: Cat Like**

You said it was like clipping dog nails, but you were starting to think that was an inaccurate comparison. Eridan was, in all ways, much more like a cat than a dog.

You had a cat once, when you and MT were little, a black and white stray named Yin Yang and you’d loved him to pieces. Specifically, you'd loved teasing him, putting rubber bands over ears, taunting him with food and toys and squeezing his paws.

The way Eridan’s tail would flick when she got irritated, the way her fangs would show unintentionally when you tempted her with food, the way you could press her claws out, she’d made you think about Ying Yang more than you had in a long time.

And now she was literally purring. 

Kanaya had told you to work on her hands while he worked on filing down the point of her tail, after he had shown you the pressure point under her thumb to press to force her claws to extend.

She seemed relaxed. More relaxed than you’d ever seen her, eyelids lowering slowly and then, there it was. So quiet at first you thought it was part of her sad hipster music, but by the time you got to her second hand, it was loud and rumbly.

You wondered if she even knew she was doing it.

You gave Kanaya a quick glance, he was sanding her the tip of her tail down, making it look like a regular heart. Not like a stabby heart.

You decided not to mention it.

“Hey... I’m almost done here.”

“Me too. I just need to rub this down with some oil and we can move on.”

“What’s the oil for?”

Eridan’s eyes flicked open.

“...keeps it flexible... so it w-won’t snap...”

Her voice sounded all crackly and strange through the purring, and Kanaya grinned.

“Sollux, on the table there is a pot of warm oil and some rags. Would you dip one in there and bring it to me?”

“Yeah, just got to finish up one... more. And done.”

You finished filing the point of her last pinky and released your grip. She grinned lazily, stretching her hand before slowly retracting her claws. You’d cut and filed them so they didn’t hang over the edge of her fingers anymore, and dulled them a little since you didn’t think she needed them at full sharpness to defend herself. You’d seen her fight.

“Ooh... that feels fuckin’ w-weird Sol... I never had em this short before.”

You got up and walked up to the table,where there was a little cauldron full of oil sitting over a tiny floating green flame. You dipped one of the rags in it and brought it over to Kanaya, and he rubbed the shiny red-black plate of her tail down.

“All done, Eridan. Now it’s time for your-”

She stopped purring.

“Horns.”

Kanaya nodded and stood up.

“Yes. I will not cut off more than is necessary, I promise.”

She swallowed.

“... I know, Kan...”

He walked behind her, motioning at you to follow. Eridan followed you closely with her eyes, but as soon as you were out of sight, she started growling.

You backed away and she stopped, brow furrowing as she tried to control herself.

“Sor-rr-rry. Sorrry Sol. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

She nodded sharply.

“Yeah, I trrust-”

You stepped behind her again and her claws shot out defensively. She twisted around violently to bare her teeth at you, growl rising in her throat.

You stepped away again, palms raised in surrender and she relaxed, looking perplexed.

“Eridan are you alright?” Kanaya asked, stepping between you.

“I don’t.. I don’t know...! I can't fuckin' see her...”

You couldn’t see her face but her voice sounded desperate, confused.

“Maybe you trust her less than you think you do?”

“I don’t!” She snapped. You could hear her teeth click together.

“Something else then... Have you ever touched each other?”

Kanaya worded things so very badly sometimes.

“Dude, I’ve been...” You couldn’t stop yourself from blushing. “...I've been doing that all goddamn day.”

He turned back to look at you, amusement written all over his face.

“I’m well aware, but I meant less functional touching. More affectionate. Perhaps snuggling? Some light petting?”

“Nope. None of that.” You snarled at him, face painfully hot.

“Hmm...” 

He turned away again, hands on his hips.

“... Alright, I suppose we will have to make do. Eridan please stand up.”

“What the-”

He stepped out of your line of sight, just in time for you to see her stretch and peel herself out of the lawn chair. She was still wearing the old button down shirt MT had found for her last night, a leftover from one of Sai’s ex’s, and it rode up quite a bit as she did. You forced yourself to look away, a meaningless gesture because you had a pretty good idea what she looked like.

“I think we should start by having you hold hands.”

Even Eridan looked uncomfortable.

“Uh... Kan. That’s a little...”

“You need to build a sense of familiarity.”

“But-”

“Do you have a better idea?”

She grumbled and looked away.

You felt torn. On the one hand, telling Kanaya to go fuck himself sounded wonderful, but on the other, Eridan had asked you to do this for her. And you didn’t want to blow her off or bail on her.

Why did you even care?

You were playing right into their plans every time you did anything for her. Every time.

But she was just so...

You sighed heavily as you came to the conclusion you were probably always going to come to even if you weren’t admitting it to yourself.

“Come on.”

You held out your hand to her and she stared at it blankly.

“I don’t want to get bitten every time you think I might fucking touch your horns, so come on.”

“Sol...”

“For fucks sake. Just do it.”

She shut her mouth and grabbed your hand. You were standing a few feet apart so it made the gesture even stiffer. Neither of you could bear to meet each other's eyes.

Kanaya smiled serenely and sat in the lawn chair, which buckled violently under his weight.

“Why don’t you both go take a walk around the block? Holding hands, of course.”

God you hated him.

“Fine.”

You tugged Eridan out the back gate by the hand, feeling her huge yellow eyes boring into the back of your head.

You didn’t want to know why you were still doing this.

You were scared to.

**Be Eridan: Like It**

Sol was squeezing your hand so tight it almost hurt, practically yanking you down the street.

You were so confused. She seemed so angry but you had no idea why. 

She stopped abruptly a house down, so you kind of crashed into her.

You snarled and jerked your hand out of her grip.

“W-what the fuck-”

“You should glamour yourself.” She spoke over you tersely, without meeting your eyes.

You scowled and tapped into what you could to hide from any other humans.

“Seriously Sol, you don’t ave to-”

“I thought you wanted me to help cut your horns.”

“I do! But w-we don’t ave to... hold hands or w-whatever else Kan thinks is gonna help.”

Sol chuckled dryly.

“As much as he is pissing me off right now, he’s actually right. You get freaked out every time I get anywhere near your horns or your- whatever you fucking think is vulnerable. You almost bit my hand off the other day. So, sorry. But I can’t actually buy your whole “I trust you” speech if you won’t let me near you.”

“It’s just cause I can’t see you w-when you’re back there, I just need a-a mirror or somethin’-

“I can’t walk behind you without a mirror? That’s not totally unreasonable. That’ll work out great, especially since we’re fucking living together!” She sneered, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I’m just sayin’ you don’t ave to be a fuckin’ asshole about it!.”

“Yes, I fucking do! That’s who I am, Eridan. I’m the asshole. Do you regret taking that ring yet, or are we done?”

You stared at her, your anger and confusion making you tremble. When had she started calling you by your first name? 

“I already fuckin’ told you Sol... this is a no backsies kinda deal. I don’t get to regret it cause I w-won’t exist to otherwise.”

“So you agree.”

“On fuckin' w-what exactly?!”

“You need to hold my hand until you trust me.”

You laughed in disbelief.

“W-wait... is that w-what we’re fuckin’ fightin’ about?”

She grinned at you.

“Last time I checked.”

“... Fine... I’ll hold your hand, Sol.”

“Jesus, was that so hard?”

You grinned and held your hand out.

“Apparently.”

She took it, sliding her thin fingers between your own with a snicker.

“Apparently... So, let’s go walk around the block and... do whatever other bullshit Kanaya says we have to do. And then we can cut your horns and eat lunch.”

“W-what’s lunch? Food?”

“It’s a meal. Which involves eating food.”

“Fuckin’ fantastic. I like the food up here.”

“Yeah, I know you like it.”

Sol squeezed your hand and started leading you back down down the street.

It was really warm.

You kind of liked it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eheheh i made them hold hands. I've always been a sucker for the whole trolls purr thing so I thought I'd take the opportunity when I could. Fun fact I had a black and white kitty named Ying Yang when I was a kid. I used his name because it also worked with the twins duality theme and also it's just cute.


	19. Good News

**Be Kanaya For A Phone Call: Good News**

You picked up your phone and called Doc. Scratch as soon as they had left the yard. Her condescending voice slipping your brain like oil as the call connected. A sensation you despised as much as the woman herself.

_ Hello Kanaya. What brings me the pleasure of talking to you today? _

“Cut the crap Scratch.”

_ I’m afraid I have no crap to cut. _

“You said there would be changes, but this is fucking absurd. Eridan has expressed a larger range of emotion in three days than she has in over a decade and Sollux has decided I’m the epitome of evil because of a duel. A duel that went sour but nonetheless. She shouldn’t care about Eridan even half as much as she has shown herself too. And Eridan shouldn’t be... hell-bent on having a human she barely knows cut her horns.”

_ So this is good news then. I could hardly tell through the accusatory tone. _

“If you could just explain-”

_ I can’t, Kanaya. Not in so many words. I don’t do the kind of magic that arises from the unchecked power of the soul like you and your cohorts and to explain the nuances of my craft would take eons that only I have at my disposal. _

“Yes, I understand you’re a soulless immortal prick. I want to know how the fuck you are bringing Eridan’s humanity back.”

_ I thought this is what you wanted. _

“How.” You growled, low and vicious.

_ I tore a hole in her soul. A nick really. And I tore a hole in the humans. And I let them bleed into each other so to speak. _

You felt sick. Why this bitch should have the ability to manipulate the souls of others, not just pieces of them they had shed, but their intact souls, was one the great mysteries of the universe. One of the great horrible mysteries.

“... how could you...?”

_ As if she would notice. You know as well as anyone how much that demon has lost. Not to mention you turning her into a monster with your little chainsaw accident. _

“You know as well as anyone it wasn’t an accident. And she’s not a monster. She never was.”

_ Oh yes. That’s right. It was on purpose you forced your so called friend to keep living in agony. It’s fun to play God once and awhile isn’t it? _

“You would know.”

_ Alas, I’m more a puller of strings than a creator of life, but we all have our limitations. But to ease your anxieties friend- _

“Not friends.” You snarled.

_ Colleague then. This is all very good. It means that they are compatible, and it is only a matter of time before they develop the relationship necessary to perform the final spell and rescue your precious Feferi. _

“I will find out what you get out of this Doc. Mark my words.”

_ I look forward to it. Is there anything else you wanted to discuss with me? _

You sighed, head starting to ache is it always did when speaking to Doc Scratch for more than a few minutes.

“Why won’t you tell me who holds the contract with Sai?”

_ Was the receipt I gave you not thorough enough? _

“How would I know if I haven’t seen the original. Who are you protecting, Scratch?”

_ A pawn with a few more moves left. _

“...I fucking hate you.”

_ So you keep saying. Ciao for now Kanaya. _

You ended the call just before the chair collapsed and your ass hit the concrete.

**Be Sollux: Scaredy Cat**

When you got back to the house and walked into the back yard Kanaya was repairing the lawn chair, drawing a series of glowing green symbols in the air above it’s twisted carcass. You watched as it reassembled itself, like a video of it falling apart in reverse. You didn’t know much about magic, but you understood the level of control and knowledge needed to do such a thing. You would’ve been impressed if you were feeling that generous.

He looked up at you both with a pleasant smile.

“Oh hello. How was your walk?”

“It was fantastic. Can we finish this now?” You sneered.

“Perhaps. Try walking behind her.”

You started to do so, and Kanaya chuckled.

“May I suggest you let go of her hand first?”

You let go of her hand with a start, feeling the heat creep back into your cheeks.

Eridan smirked a little, and you glared at her as you tried to step behind her.

She didn’t react.

“Try to touch her horns.”

Eridan stiffened immediately, and you stopped moving.

“I... don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“It’s ok Sol... I w-won’t bite.”

“Right...”

You reached out slowly, Eridan stood perfectly still, staring straight ahead. You brushed your fingers against rough ridges of one of her horns.

You looked at Kanaya and he nodded. You wrapped your hand around it and Eridan growled, turning her head towards you, and you let go, backing away with your hands raised.

“I would say that’s progress, and more than I expected too.”

“Ugh... Sorrry Sol...”

“It’s fine.. What’s next then?”

Kanaya grinned. He was enjoying this way too much in your opinion.

“I’m going to suggest a hug... and if that fails. Perhaps tenderly stroke each other’s faces.”

Eridan’s face went lavender.

“Kan this is fuckin’ humilitatin’.”

“You were the one who asked for this... unless you’ve changed your mind and you want me to do it alone.”

She snarled at him, not with the intent to bite, but with frustration.

“No! I just... w-want to-! I ave to trust both a you! You an Sol... you’re all I fuckin’ got...”

You thought you might be going crazy because you were actually a little touched.

“Look... It’s not a big deal, Ampora. We have to get used to each other one way or another... and I doubt it’s going to be any less fucking awkward so let’s just get it over with and it won’t be an issue anymore.”

She spun towards you, eyes hard and sharp.

“W-what happened to “Eridan” ?”

Whoops.

“Sorry. Eridan.”

The corners of her mouth twitched upwards.

“Alright Sol... let’s get this over w-with. Kan will you fuck off for a little bit?”

He nodded, and turned to leave.

“My pleasure. I’ll be inside, come and get me when you’re ready.”

You both watched him until he was inside and his frame was receding through the sliding glass door.

Eridan turned back to you, arms crossed over her chest.

“So... you gonna hug me?”

You shrugged.

“Are you going to let me?”

She turned away from you.

“W-where are those stupid dogs a yours?”

“Hey. What’s your deal?”

She bit her bottom lip.

“Do you... do you ev-ver feel what I feel?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like when Kan had a hold a me... I w-wasn’t scared, but you were. An it made me scared.”

That was surprising. Really surprising.

“I didn’t know that. But no. I kinda... sensed when you passed out, but not your emotions-”

“Or pain?”

“...no.”

She grinned at you, seeming relieved.

“That’s good then. I was thinkin’ you were bein’ so nice cause your psychic bullshit was gettin’ mixed up with my feelin’s an I w-wasn’t sure how far that w-went. But I guess not.”

You stared at her for a moment. Putting the pieces together.

“Are... are you still in pain?”

“Yeah, a course. I mean, I got sawed in half and fused back together. That ain’t the kinda thing you recover from, even w-with magic. It doesn’t really register to me anymore... but I imagine it w-would be pretty bad for you, so it’s good you can’t feel it.”

You wanted to laugh at her casualness, the sheer absurdity of her nonchalance.

“You are... just...” You couldn’t hold it back, and you snickered.. “... one motherfucking tragic character Eridan.”

She smiled at you, toothy and genuine.

“Fuck off, Sol. I aven’t got my just desserts yet. There's still a chance I’ll get a happy endin’.” 

“Fair enough... So are we going to do this or not? Or... can we? It won’t hurt you more, right?”

“Not in any w-way that matters.”

“That does not make me want to hug you.”

“Oh... w-well could you suck it up an do it anyways? I’m tired a sleepin’ on the couch.”

“Fine.”

You stood facing each other. Neither of you made a move.

“Come on Sol.” She said nervously, hands twitching a her sides

“You come on.”

“This is fuckin’ hard for me.”

“Clearly. But if you want to get over it, get over it. I’m not doing jack-shit.”

“Asshole.” She hissed. Her tail flicked violently back and forth behind her.

“Yep.”

Eridan looked away from you then back, teeth barred and growling softly. You held your ground.

She stomped her bare foot on the ground, her fists clenched at her sides. You didn’t flinch.

“Fuck this...”

Suddenly she was slamming into you, arms ramrod straight.

“Ow!”

She wrapped her arms around you, pinning your arms to your sides, and squeezing you hard.

“Goddammit! Let go!”

You used your psionics to break her grip and push her away.

“W-what the hell Sol!”

“That hurt!”

“You're being a fuckin’ baby!”

“I’m being a baby?! You’re the one who’s too freaking scared to give me a normal goddamn hug!”

“Sc-scared?!”

You narrowed your eyes at her outraged face.

“Scaredy cat.”

She hissed at you and you let out a short mocking laugh.

“I know you don’t hug Kanaya like that. Why do’t you try using your fucking imagination and just pretend I’m him, huh?”

She blinked at you, confused.

“I can’t do that.”

“Why the hell not?”

Eridan’s face told you that she thought it was painfully obvious.

“... You don’t smell like him at all.”

You groaned and threw your hands in the air in exasperation.

“That’s it! Eridan, I can’t fucking help you.” 

You spun around to leave, and she caught the back edge of your shirt, yanking you to a stop.

“W-wait Sol!”

Having her behind you made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

“What...?”

“Oh... You’re a fuckin’ hypocrite Sol. Callin’ me a scaredy cat w-when I can smell your nasty human fear stink...” 

You could tell from the low, rough tone of her voice she was showing her teeth, you could feel her stepping closer, the heat of her breath on your back. You were sweating.

“So? I still have to live with you. I can’t let it dictate my fucking life.”

“...I’m sorry.”

Her voice was smaller now, you could tell she meant it even if she didn’t know what she was apologizing for.

“Don’t be. Just get your fucking shit together.”

You felt her forehead press into your back, you heard her trying to breath in slowly. You didn’t dare move away. The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes, before she lifted her head.

“... I’m ready.”

She let go of your shirt.

“Turn around Sol.”

You swallowed hard. You turned around. She looked up at you with her big yellow eyes.

“I’ve only ev-ver hugged two demons before.”

“Well I’ve never hugged a single one so...”

She shook her head with a small smirk.

“Don’t get too attached to that Sol.”

Eridan slid her arms around your waist and pressed against you. You returned the gesture, wrapping your arms around her back, tilting your face to avoid getting poked with her horns as she leaned her head against your chest.

It wasn’t terrible.

“How you doing, Eridan?”

“I’m alright... Sol, you should t-touch my horns now.”

“If you bite me I’m gonna be majorly pissed.”

“I w-won’t.”

You reached up and tentatively wrapped your fingers around one of her horns. Nothing happened.

She pulled away from you with a grin and you breathed a shaky sigh of relief.

“Ok, you ave to try it from behind.”

“Gross... wording, Eridan.”

“I meant grabbin’ my horns, dumbass. An for the record, I don’t like it from behind anyw-ways... Except on special occasions... w-with the right pers-”

“Stop talking please.” You snarled, mentally kicking yourself for bringing it up in the first place.

She smirked, eyes bright.

“...I didn’t take you for a fuckin’ prude Sol.”

“Please shut the fuck up.”

She chuckled wickedly and spun around while you tried to get your burning face under control.

“Come on then.”

You took a deep breath and approached her cautiously. Eridan wasn’t as stiff as the last time you tried it, and when you grabbed a horn, she didn’t make a sound. You even pulled on it a little and she didn't growl or try to bite you.

“Holy shit you’re cured.”

She turned around to look at you after you released her, grinning with relief.

“An we didn’t even ave to tenderly stroke each other’s faces.”

“Thank god for that...”

You paused.

“That was a joke, right?”

“Knowin’ Kan? He was probably just teasin’ but there’s a chance he meant it.”

“He’s kind of a jerk.”

Eridan scowled thunderously.

“W-what did you expect? He’s a demon. But he’s probably the sweetest one in existence so consider yourself lucky he’s w-with me instead a some other murderous chucklefuck.”

You didn’t know how to explain how you were feeling about Kanaya to her, so you let it go. You would have to confront him eventually, but at the moment all you had was a gut feeling and no proof of anything.

“Yeah, you’re right, sorry. Should we go tell him we’re all good?”

She nodded.

“I w-wanna get this done so we can eat.”

“Is food all you think about?”

“No. It’s just one a the more pleasant things in my life right now.”

You shook your head, following her back inside the house. Given the shit you’d just learned about her, you couldn’t even blame her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Kanaya, I'm sorry Scratch sucks.  
> In other news.  
> Lots of arguing. Lot's of boundary pushing. Lotsa fun to write.  
> And I made them hug. Because I won't get to write them making out for like ten mores yearssss.  
> And I need something.


	20. Moderately Tarnished Soul

**Be Eridan: Moderately Tarnished Soul**

You had to take another shower after Sol and Kan had cut your horns because of all the dust. They sawed and sanded them down so they were nubby and dull before Kan showed Sol how to actually care for them, how to soften them with oil and push down the sensitive skin at the base to expose the bright red rings of new growth, the tools to use to crack off old and damaged layers of keratin to reveal the new.

You found yourself purring again, even though you weren’t happy. You actually felt like crying. You expected Sol to make some snarky comment about it, but she never did.

You stared at yourself in the mirror for a while, feeling the rounded tips with your hands. Kan had cut them off a few inches after the natural bend where the red started to become black with age. It was kind of shocking how much lighter your head felt, even though it wasn’t a huge amount that was gone.

As soon as the water hit your skin, you started sobbing uncontrollably, leaning against the tile like it was someone who could hold you. Sol had called you tragic and you couldn’t even refute it.

You were a open wound.

You knew it was the ring, and whatever crazy thing Scratch had done to you when you’d accepted it, that was making you feel so much. But feeling was as much pain as it was pleasure and even the pleasure felt like pain because it was so abrasive, and you were rubbed fucking raw.

You cried until you were hollow again and the water was ice against your skin.

You dried yourself off robotically and retreated to your room, curling up naked and cold on the bare mattress. You fell asleep because there was nothing left for you to do.

When you woke you there was a blanket on top of you, and Kan was sitting on the floor under the window, tapping away on his computer.

You sat up slowly, and he looked up from the screen with a small smile.

“How was your nap?”

You didn’t answer. You didn’t know what to say. 

“I spoke to Scratch.”

Still nothing.

“She said your emotional capacity is growing quickly because you and Sollux are very compatible.”

You pulled the blanket around you tighter. Like everything here it was too soft, it made your skin crawl a little, but it was better than nothing.

“Is that supposed to be a good thing?”

He shut the computer with a sigh, and it scuttled off his lap and under the bed.

“In the long term, yes.”

“W-what about the short term?”

“You might be a bit overwhelmed.”

You scoffed.

“I w-was fuckin’ overwhelmed when I put that shitty ring on. This is... w-worse.”

Kanaya clambered to his feet and walked over to the bed, which creaked ominously when he sat next to you.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head no.

“I can’t relate at all. Because of you, I’ve never experienced loss of humanity. And I can’t imagine what it would be like to have it start coming back all at once.”

“W-what do you mean because of me?”

He gave you a perplexed look and you returned it.

“The first time you died... You took a blow that was meant for me and allowed me to flee before I suffered the same fate.”

You had forgotten about that. Your first iteration as a demon hadn’t lasted more than 3 months, and your memories of it had clouded.

“That’s right... You w-waited for me to come back.”

“It was the least I could do.”

“Kan... I think... I forgot about love.”

He cocked his head.

“I disagree with that.”

“Maybe... not forgot, exactly but...” You growled in frustration, trying to find the words.

“The last time I saw Fef... ev-verything I felt. It was all fuckin’ obligations an power trips an stupid shallow-w bullshit. An w-with you too. Just more shitty obligations. W-who saved who. W-who’s stronger, an smarter, an b-better, an what could I get outta you, that’s w-what mattered to me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, especially given the state of your soul. At least not to me.”

You snarled at him, tears of frustration springing into your eyes again.

“You don’t understand Kan! I barely accepted the fuckin’ ring! I barely gav-ve enough a ashit to ev-ven try to sav-ve him! You-you don’t w-want to fuckin’ know how many times I’ve thought about killin’ you! Ev-ven though you did this to help me... an I used to love you so much I w-woulda given my life for you ov-ver an ov-v-ver... I w-wanted to fuckin’ kill you...! I almost k-killed you...”

He pulled you into a crushingly tight hug against his chest.

“It’s ok, Eridan... it doesn’t matter, you did wonderfully given the circumstances...”

You tried to squirm away, you were angry now, so fucking angry, but he just squeezed you tighter even as you tried to claw your way out of his grip

“Fuck you! You don’t know anythin'! How dare you fuckin’ say that to me after I-”

“Hush! You did the best you could, and you always have. There were other forces at play and you are not responsible for what happened.”

“Yes I fuckin’ am!”

“You’re not.”

You burst into tears again and stopped struggling against him.

Kan rubbed your back gently, cooing softly. Trying to soothe you. It sort of worked, your sobs were subsiding, slowly but surely.

“... Kan ...w-what the hell is w-wrong w-with me...?”

“Nothing is wrong with you. You are going through a very unusual experience, one that only two other demons have ever had.”

You snuffled pathetically against his chest.

“... yeah... an not a single goddamn one a them surv-vived it ...”

“This is true. But Doc seems to believe you have a very high chance of success.”

You laughed sarcastically.

“Ain’t that fuckin’ comfortin’.”

He snickered, and you pulled away from him.

“I know. I’m struggling with it myself. But I will do everything in my power to keep you alive. I swear on my untarnished soul.”

You wiped your eyes on the back of your hand.

“Kan, you’re a demon. Your soul is fuckin’ tarnished by requirement.”

“Fine. I swear on my moderately tarnished soul.”

You grinned.

“That’s better. An I know... that’s all you’ve ev-ver done. If this fails... it’ll be cause a me.”

“Or Sollux.”

“Or Sol. In w-which case I don’t think I could fuckin’ blame her.”

Kanaya’s big red eyes went hard.

“I would.”

“Kan.... you’re sw-weet.”

“I don’t think Sollux agrees. But that’s alright. Oh... speaking of. She was concerned when you didn’t come back downstairs earlier.”

“Really?”

“Yes. She came in to check on you and was very flustered afterwards. She asked me to bring you the blanket.”

You laughed.

“Fuckin’ prude.”

“Eridan, she isn’t, for a human at least. You have barely covered yourself as it is and she’s been fairly calm about that.”

“I already told you I ran out of clothes...”

“I brought some more up for you. And we’ll see about washing the others tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Kan. I... I love you.”

He smiled at you gently.

“I love you too. Dinner is supposed to be ready soon.”

“Oh, thank fuck I’m starv-vin’. I can’t believe I fuckin' slept through lunch.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you. I’ll go get the clothes so you can go downstairs.”

“I could go downstairs now, if they weren’t all fuckin’ prudes.”

“Eridan.”

He shook his head at you with a small smile before he got up to leave. You flopped back on the bed, pulling the blanket over your head. You felt exhausted, even though you had slept for hours.

Sol was right.

Emotions fucking sucked.

**Be Sollux: Wishes**

Watching Eridan and Kanaya eat spaghetti was horrifying. But you were glad that she seemed back to her normal ravenous self. And that she was wearing a weird scaly kimono that went to her knees. The least revealing thing you’d seen her wear to date. You wished she’d been wearing it when you walked into her room to check on her. 

You also wished you were less of a perv and you hadn’t stared for a split second too long before you’d retreated.

You wished a lot of things.

But your wishes didn’t usually come true. In your experience.

**Be Eridan: Spaghetti**

You really liked Spaghetti.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eridan's having a hard time... poor baby. But at least she has Kanaya. And spaghetti.


	21. Weakling

**Be Sollux: Weakling**

You had hoped you would have another premonition or vision about the being you had seen before, but you slept easily until your alarm went off. Any premonitions you had too weak or too vague to stick in your brain.

You slid your hands along your nightstand, grabbing your phone to silence the beeping.

You had a few new messages.

You’d given the other Ectologists a clunky, emotionless run down in the group chat of the events since your birthday before you passed out last night. So you weren’t really surprised. 

Joan informed you several times that the ghost of her Nono wanted to make you and your family sympathy cakes, and Dove lamented that you hadn't gotten any footage of the fight. And Ross said nothing.

Which was weird.

But you had a separate message from him. Outside the group chat.

_RS: In your vision, did you hear her speak inside your head?_

Your hands shook as you typed “ye2.”. Whatever that being was maybe RS had seen it too in his crystal ball, or perhaps he’d heard of it before.

You waited impatiently for his response, the dot dot dots, taunting you.

_RS: You should come in tomorrow since you're no longer working. Try to find out what you can about the contract today and we’ll develop a plan of attack._

_SC: ii’ll do my be2t. 2ee you tomorrow._

You sighed. Whatever RS knew he wasn’t going to tell you until you were face to face, and you didn’t really feel like getting jerked around trying to find out over text.

You slithered into your pajama bottoms and wandered downstairs. Trying to figure out how you were going to approach Kanaya about the contract without losing your shit.

You were the only one up for the time being and you enjoyed the silence, the quiet of having the house to yourself, even if it was only temporary.

You were zoning out, watching the coffee drip into the pot, when Eridan appeared at the foot of the stairs, glassy eyed and out of it.

She let out a rough sounding chuckle.

“You fuckin’ hypocrite.”

“What are-”

You realized with a start you had neglected to put on a shirt and you folded your arms over your chest to cover yourself, face heating up painfully.

She threw back her head and laughed harder.

“Don’t w-worry Sol I don’t care about your little human titties...”

“Oh, you don’t?!” you snapped sarcastically.

“W-why the fuck w-would I?”

Her voice sounded gravelly, strained, but sort of bored.

You relaxed your arms a little, she really just did not seem to care, wandering into the kitchen and eyeing the banana’s hungrily.

She picked one up and opened her toothy mouth wide and you remembered what happened last time she ate bananas.

“Wait! Don’t just fucking bite into it.”

“W-why not...?”

“Because you’re supposed to peel them.”

“What.”

You unfolded your arms all the way with a sigh.

“Give it to me, I’ll show you.”

She eyed your open hand suspiciously.

“I’ll give it back.”

Eridan grumbled and handed it to you.

“See you grab the end, and you peel it back... all the way around, and you eat the white part.”

“... and then you eat the peel?”

“No. You throw that away.”

She shook her head, her expression twisted with disgust.

“You humans w-waste so much good food it’s honestly insultin’.”

You snickered.

“Technically you’re right. But we’re inferior beings and our stomachs are too weak for banana peels and egg shells.”

“W-well I’m not, so I’m gonna eat it with the peel on. Otherwise I’d ave to eat it by itself an that’s fuckin’ gross. You can ave that one w-weakling.”

You smiled a little despite yourself and took a bite, watching Eridan snap back half a whole banana easily.

“This is a fun morning activity.”

You spun around to find MT grinning at you in her PJs, and your face shot up in temperature again as you covered your chest.

“Shut up. I just forgot to put a shirt on.”

Your twin grinned wider.

“And you decided to stand around and eat bananas with Eridan?”

“Well now you can eat bananas with her.” You snarled and shoved your banana into her hands, bounding up the stairs to get a shirt and maybe some of your fucking dignity back.

When you came back downstairs, Mituna was showing her how to pour a bowl of cereal.

Eridan still looked off to you, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it and she dug into the cereal with her usual enthusiasm

You got yourself a cup of coffee, avoiding eye contact with MT because you could feel her smirking, and sat down at the counter to get your own bowl.

“Hey... where’s Kanaya?”

Eridan stopped eating for a second, blinking her weirdly glassy eyes at you a few times.

“Next door. Or in Hell, I guess. He doesn’t ave to stay up here like me.”

Her voice still sounded weirdly gruff too.

“Huh. Are you... doing ok?”

She didn’t respond, picking her bowl up and chugging the milk at the bottom of it.

Tuna leaned over the counter, sipping on her coffee.

“Yeah, do you have a sore throat or something?”

“I’m fuckin’ fine.”, she growled, setting her bowl down on the counter with force and standing up to leave.

You followed her, tailing her up the stairs till you could grab her arm.

As soon as you touched her skin she spun around snarling, grabbing the front of your shirt and shoving you into the wall.

There was a split second where you genuinely thought she was going to rip you to shreds, and then her eyes softened and she released you, stumbling backwards up the stairs.

“Fuck Sol... you c-c-can’t grab me like that...”

You nodded your understanding, your heart still racing too much to speak.

“W-what did you- I mean w-why-”

You managed to jumpstart your brain into talking.

“Because you're not fucking ok, Eridan.”

She stared at you for a moment, her breath shallow and rough.

“I'm not... come w-with me...”

You nodded again and followed her up the stairs, to her room.

“Shut the door Sol...”

You wondered what the hell you were getting yourself into.

When you turned around she was untying her scaly kimono dress and you spun away again.

“Eridan...! Can we not with the constant undressing!”

She chuckled, low. rough.

“Not this time, Sol. But I’ll cov-ver my boobs if it makes you feel better you fuckin’ prude.”

“It fucking would, yeah.”

“Alright, they’re all hidden aw-way. Turn around.”

You did, questioning your sanity the whole time. True to her word she was holding her dress closed over her chest, but the rest hung open around her small frame. So you could see the thick knotted scar across her midriff. The last time you’d seen it, it was a dark purplish grey, but now it was violently purple. It almost looked like it was throbbing.

“... holy shit...”

She smiled, a creepy toothy smile that did not reach her glassy eyes.

“Sometimes... I ave bad days... an my body thinks it’s still dyin’... so the pain gets a little w-worse.

“Jesus... Can... can’t Kanaya help you? Or are there... like demon drugs you could take?”

Eridan actually laughed at you, throwing her head back and wrapping her dress back around herself.

“Fuck, Sol you’re... cute. An no, there ain’t a drug in the planes a existence that can ease the pain somethin’ like this. Without turnin’ me into a fuckin’ v-vegetable. Only cure is death, an I ain’t dyin’.”

You were distressed and flustered. She’d called you cute before, but this seemed distinctly less condescending and also there was the whole living in constant excruciating pain thing.

“Ok but, how do I help you?”

“You can’t help me, Sol. That’s the w-whole fuckin’ point. W-when I say I’m fine, I fuckin’ mean it. I’m always gonna be pain. An if it seems like I’m avin’ a hard time it’s just cause I’m gettin’ a flare up like this an there’s nothin’ you can do. Except leav-ve me the fuck alone.”

“I’m not ok with that.” You said instantly, before you even thought about it.

Eridan growled softly. You were beginning to find it less frightening of a sound, to be able to discern the intent behind it. This one was slightly exasperated.

“Sol.”

“Look, I- I won’t fucking touch you, or ask you if you’re ok even. Just tell me if there’s anything that would help you get through this, and I’ll help you.”

Eridan stared at you for a moment, considering you. Then she grinned a little, showing her teeth.

“... I w-wouldn’t mind a duel...”

“Um... no. No more dueling.” 

She actually pouted at you.

“You’re no fun at all, Sol...” 

“Yeah, yeah. Would any physical activity help though?”

".... w-what's wrong with a honest fuckin' duel...." Eridan grumbled, still pouting sullenly.

“Stop being a brat and answer the question. Would it help or not?”

“Don't call me a fuckin' brat Sol...! An I already said you can’t fuckin’ help it’s just nice to ave a distraction... ”

“I can figure out a distraction for you. Or more specifically MT can do that.”

“Tuna? You’re not gonna tell her though, right?”

“About your scar?”

“Yeah...”

“If you really don’t want me to, I won’t but. She’s gonna keep asking you questions till you tell her something.”

“Ugh... she is real fuckin’ persistent.”

“Why do you care if she knows?”

Eridan looked away, hands clenching at her sides.

“I don’t w-want... I don’t want her to think I’m w-weak or somethin’.” 

You shook your head in disbelief.

“If someone thinks you’re weak because you got sawed in half they’re an absolute fucking idiot and should be ignored at all costs. And you know MT is not that fucking dumb.”

She nodded slightly, still looking pointedly away from you.

“You can tell her what you want. I’m gonna go actually finish my breakfast now.”

You turned to leave and she spoke just as you were opening the door.

“I’ll fuckin’ tell her ok?”

You smirked at her over your shoulder. Her face was still lavender. 

“Ok.”

You wandered back downstairs, glad you hadn’t gotten around to actually pouring milk in your cereal before that whole exchange.

MT looked up at you from her coffee as you entered the kitchen.

“So is she ok?”

You sighed and sat down at the counter, pouring milk into your cheerios.

“Yes and no. I’ve been forbidden to tell you anything but said she’d explain to you herself.”

“She trusts you a lot for someone she just met.”

“Yeah...” 

You dug into your cereal, you were pretty hungry, and you didn’t want to talk about that. You had your suspicions but you didn’t know anything for sure.

You finished your bowl in record time, and set about chugging your lukewarm coffee.

“Dude, are you ok?”

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Yeah I just wanted to eat my fucking breakfast without interruptions for once.”

She snickered at you.

“I don’t think that’s gonna happen anytime soon.”

You sighed heavily.

“Fucking tell me about it.... Oh, by the way, do you have any plans today?”

“Kinda. I’m streaming, but not until like 7. Why?”

“Can you and LA take Eridan to the skate park? Or like... the gym? She needs to get some energy out in a way that doesn't involve utterly destroying our backyard again.”

“Hell yeah, that sounds like fun. You don’t want to come?”

“ No... As fucking hilarious as it’s going to be to see Eridan trying to skate, I have shit to take care of here.”

“Hmm... what kiind of shit?”

“I need to talk to Kanaya.”

“Ooh. Serious bidniss. Are you gonna ask him about the contract?”

“I’m gonna try. He’ll probably just pull some evasive maneuver out of his ass and kick me out but... ”

“You want to talk to him about more than just that.”

“Yeah. There’s some shit he needs to explain to me.”

“Or you're gonna be pissed at him forever.”

“Pretty fucking much.”

You both grinned at each other. Having a twin was great sometimes, it was like having a conversation with an alternate self.

“Hey Tuna?”

You both turned around to see Eridan standing at the foot of the stairs, looking sheepish and uncomfortable.

“Hey what’s up?”

“C-can I talk to you? Alone.”

MT gave you a quick glance and nodded at her.

“Sure thing.”

You watched them walk up the stairs with a weird sense of pride welling in your chest. You were proud of Eridan, for sucking it up and actually talking to your sister.

You groaned and buried your head in your hands. It was getting overwhelming, how easily you seemed to just give a shit even though you didn’t want to. You didn’t want to care. It made you feel so fucking weak that you couldn’t help it.

There was definitely something going on with your emotions around your demon, something that was making you feel way more vulnerable and affectionate towards her than made any fucking sense given the circumstances. And there was only one person in your life who would know what. 

And you kind of really didn’t like him at all.

**Be Eridan: Make Me Radical**

You liked Tuna. You really did. 

She had been disarmingly kind to you, and even though you weren’t sure if it was a trick or just a shallow behavior she handed out to whoever, you still appreciated it. 

But her partner was getting on your fucking nerves, and you were stuck in a car with him.

The human, Latula, had been rambling on excitedly about "skateboarding", and "kickflips" and "radness" for the whole car ride, none of which you had any frame of reference for. You could hear the words, and recognize them as words, but you had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. 

You weren’t that great at figuring out human culture like Kan, and most of it seemed painfully frivolous anyways. Sure you’d picked up certain things from them. Like your glasses, found on your first trip to earth, and your scarf, a gift from Fef which was made by an insane witch and was originally even longer, and your general love of violent and dramatic literature and tv. And your “sad hipster bullshit” music as Sol had called it. But a lot of it went over your head.

You had wanted to drive, mostly because it would distract you, but Sol had yelled about reckless endangerment and insisted you weren’t qualified to operate heavy machinery and basically told you off for ten minutes. So you had to sit in the backseat wallowing in your pain and listening to incomprehensible word garbage.

By the time you pulled into a vast empty parking lot surrounded by crumbling warehouses you were in a foul mood. Latula parked under the one tree and popped the trunk.

Tuna seemed a little perplexed by this too. Which was a relief.

“Are you sure we can’t just go to the skate park?”

“Dudes be too judgy there. And there’s no room to get the basics down which is what we’re trying to do! You excited for this, or what Eridan?”

He turned around in the front seat and grinned at you. You let your face tell him how you felt. And when his smile didn’t falter you huffed and told him what you felt.

“Not really. I’d would rather chase somethin’ down n’kill it but if this is all there is do here them I might as fuckin’ w-well.”

He made a weird face and nodded slowly and Tuna just laughed.

“Don’t hold back your enthusiasm Eridan.”

You shifted your glare to her and she gave you a small crooked smile.

“Look, I didn’t think I’d like it either but skateboarding is fun. And this is coming from someone who sucks at it.”

Latula poked her cheek with a frown.

“Suckage is not the bar we measure ourselves against! Not in this damn house. We only measure ourselves by how much fun we’re having and overall radittude.”

“We’re in a car.”

“Not in this car then.”

“So if I get out of the car I can measure my suckage?”

“Nope. No dice.”

“Wait... what?”

You growled and got out of the car, slamming the door and stalking out across the parking lot.

You hoped you could find something to break in one of the buildings. 

You heard the sound of the car doors opening behind you, and you kept your eyes straight ahead. You heard the sound of wheels crunching across the asphalt, getting louder as it approached you and you forced yourself not look, until Latula cut in front of you suddenly on a thin strip of wood with wheels on it.

“Hey Eridan-”

“I don’t w-want your fuckin’ sympathy.”

“Gotcha, no sympathy. What about a skateboard though?”

He offered you the other board that he was holding under his arm.

“W-what is the fuckin’ point of this?”

“What’s the point of a duel?”

“You can’t answer a question w-with another question asswipe.” You snarled. You were glamoured so it didn’t have the effect it should have, but you hoped he got the gist.

Unfortunately he seemed uphased.

“Rulez are meant to be broken my dude. And asswipery aside, I’m pretty sure the point is the same. To prove you can do some wicked shit, and to have a blast doing it.”

You chuckled mockingly, although it didn’t sound as cruel as what you were gunning for.

“W-what would you know about w-wicked shit?”

He grinned at you again.

“Not so much in some areas. But on the board I know some nasty tricks. And I bet you’d fucking shred if you gave it a chance.”

You eyed the board under his arm. It looked flimsy, and stupid.

You wrapped your arms around yourself and tried to tamp the sensation of coming apart down, tried to convince yourself that you were whole. It didn’t work, but you knew it wouldn’t anyways.

You didn’t understand this human bullshit anymore than you had five minutes ago but it was starting to look appealing, simply as an excuse to stop thinking about the pain. There was so much fucking pain.

“W-why.... Why the fuck are you bein’ nice to me?”

He blinked at you, confused.

“You’re friends with Mituna. And I love the shit outta her.”

Humans and their love. It seemed to come for them so easily. You were a little jealous.

“Ok... fine. Teach me how to skateboard and w-what radness means or w-whatever. An maybe I w-won’t bite your fuckin’ head off for bein’ so bloody obnoxious.”

“Oof. Tough gig. I won’t disappoint you though. By the time I’m done with you you’ll be so radical Sollux will crap her pants when she sees you.”

You took a half step backwards.

“Ugh gross... look if that’s w-what being “radical” fuckin’ does I don’t w-want anythin’ to do w-with it.”

Latula laughed heartily, his shaggy blonde hair flopping around his shoulders.

“Sorry, bad analogy. She won’t poop her pants, I promise. Radical just means like... absurdly fucking cool. She’ll think you’re super cool.”

“So... you’re gonna make me really cool? By teachin’ me how to ride around on a flimsy piece a fuckin’ w-wood?”

“With wheels, yeah.”

“... Fuck it. Make me radical.”

Latula beamed at you and raised one hand in the air, flat and opened palmed.

And this time you knew exactly what to do.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some notes!  
> 1\. Ectologists is what Ross, Dove and Joan call their "profession". Sollux claims to hate it but it's definitely growing on her.  
> 2\. Eridan's understanding of the english language is limited. She only understand things she knows about because that's just how the demons understand human speech so when someone uses a lot of language she isn't familiar with or that's about things she doesn't have direct experience with it starts to sound like gibberish to her and makes her really annoyed.  
> 3\. I watched like three hours of videos about how to learn how to skateboard, and then didn't use any of that information writing this chapter. But I do feel like it helped me write Latula which I was very nervous about doing and not very confident about at all. So it worked out. :)


	22. Heartbeat

**Be Sollux: Heartbeat**

You took the dogs for a walk before you decided to make your assault on Kanaya’s house. Sai had asked you to, and you had jumped at the chance to put your upcoming confrontation off. Besides, it was nice to be alone, really alone for a bit. You hadn’t really had much alone time since the day before your birthday. Five whole days ago. Five endless, insane, life changing days ago.

When you were coming back you could see Kanaya standing outside the neighbors house, holding a worn, leathery book and muttering to himself.

There were glowing green symbols over the house, pulsing and shifting across the white stucco.

He snapped the book shut and his red eyes turned green.

You watched in stunned silence as the house grew wider, like a photo being stretched out but in real life, and he started muttering furiously, the glow in his eyes getting brighter. Suddenly the house stopped expanding. Kanaya’s whole body trembled for a moment before he outstretched one arm and drew one big sweeping expression upwards, green energy trailing from his hand. The house shook, expanding wider still, cracking the asphalt of the driveway and tilting it up, before it stretched upwards, shrinking back to it’s normal width with a horrendous groan.

Kanaya dropped his hand, and all the symbols vanished. He plopped down on the ground and flopped onto his back clutching the book to his chest, panting and sweaty.

He noticed you then, looking at you upside down, and the dogs bolted towards him. 

“Hello Sollux. And hello Cyclops and Ferrel.”

You let the leash out so they could get to him but made no move to get closer yourself.

“Hey. What was all that about?”

Kanaya was momentarily completely engulfed by the dogs, but he managed to sit up, pulling some kind of jerky from the pocket of his robe and breaking it in half before he offered it to them. The dogs snapped it up gleefully and crawled away to gnaw on their treats.

Kanaya smiled at them fondly and you felt your dislike for him soften a little.

“They really are very cute creatures...”

“Yeah. Seriously though... what did you do all that for?”

“Oh I just wanted to be able to stand to my full height. My back has been hurting terribly lately.”

You snorted a short cruel laugh. 

His privilege disgusted you. That he could alleviate his discomfort simply by magicking his house bigger, but Eridan had to exist in constant pain because of him. 

He sighed and clambered to his feet.

“Sollux I feel as though you have been rather angry with me lately. And I hope you’re willing to discuss those feelings with me soon as I imagine it will only make things more difficult for the both of us.”

You stared at him for a moment, trying to decide if you were ready for this.

“... You’re right, I am fucking pissed at you. I was already planning on coming over today so we could talk.”

“Well that is good news. Would you like to come over now? The dogs are welcome as well.”

You took a deep breath and tried to find the calm in your center.

“Ok. Let’s get this over with.”

You followed him into the house, the dogs eagerly trotting at his heels in the hopes of getting another treat.

Inside the house it was eerily empty, except for two large red armchairs, one of which had been knocked over, in the space that should have been the living room. It was weird, being in the mirror image of your own home minus all your stuff. Now with much taller ceilings.

“You can take them off their leashes if you wish. Would you like some water?”

His pleasant tone didn’t make this any less awkward or uncomfortable.

“Sure. They probably would like some too if you have a bowl.”

You leaned down and unclipped the leash from Lops’ harness and then Ferrel’s. Letting them scuttle away from you in full.

You set the leashes down on the island counter that separated the kitchen and living room, just like in your home, as Kanaya pulled two glasses and a bowl down from the cupboards and started to fill them with water from the sink.

He had left the book on the counter too, and you inspected it without touching it. It was a Grimoire of some sort, and it oozed power. You couldn’t read the language on the cover, your eyes shifted away from it, time and time again, like you weren’t meant to see the symbols.

“It was a gift from Eridan.”

You looked up to find him holding a glass of water out to you, and you took it. It was a hot day and you were thirsty.

He looked at the book fondly, running his fingers over the cover.

“Believe it or not she was a much better spellcaster than me, before her magic was revoked. She was a fearsome thing to behold at the height of her power.”

“I bet.”

You smirked and took a sip of the water, and he sighed. 

“Why don’t we have a seat?” 

You didn’t give him the grace of a response, you just walked over to the upright chair and sat down leaving him to pick up the other and drag it over to face you.

You both just stared at each other, slowly drinking your water. You finished your glass and set it down on the floor next to the chair.

“What happened to the people who used to live here?”

“The Mitchell family relocated to Michigan to spend more time with their ailing parents.”

“Huh... That was a pretty convenient decision for you.”

“It was any easy thing to arrange, given the enormous guilt they felt about their distance.”

“What would you have done if they didn’t feel guilty?”

“Arranged a promotion or job opportunity elsewhere to lure them away. Contrary to your suspicions I’m not interested in manipulating humans to unnecessarily cruel ends.”

“I have other fucking suspicions, Kanaya.”

“Please do tell.”

His calm demeanor was infuriating, but you took a deep breath, found the silent, still part of yourself.

“I suspect... that it wasn’t a coincidence Eridan showed up at my work the day before my birthday.”

He smiled and shook his head.

“You are sharp. No, it wasn’t. I gave her suggestions of places to visit and try food in the area for her free day. It wasn’t a sure thing but I hoped she would encounter you.”

“To what fucking end? Having her trash the store didn’t exactly make a great first impression.”

“To see if she would notice you.”

You remembered the way her eyes had lingered on you that day, and you felt your face start to heat up a little.

“Eridan did notice you. She told me she was attracted to a strong willed cashier matching your description. She wanted to sleep with you before her engagement was official. But you didn’t reciprocate her attention and so she left.”

Knowing that she had found you attractive, sexually attractive, before you officially met was painfully uncomfortable, for reasons you couldn’t entirely fathom. 

Your face felt like it was on fire, and you snarled, “Why didn’t she try to influence me if she was so into me for no fucking reason?”, without thinking about it.

Kanaya glared at you, his big red eyes hard.

“Eridan may be many things, but she is not a rapist. And you would be hard pressed to find one of our kind with so little respect for consent. One who was not already rotting in the Pit anyways. Besides influence has limits, it is only a swaying of thought, no human can be influenced to do something they would not already be willing to do. Sai should have told you as much.”

You looked away sharply, embarrassed by your defensive outburst. 

“I... I’m sorry, that was a shitty thing to say. I know Eridan wouldn’t do something like that.”

“It’s fine, Sollux. Just please try to be more mindful.”

You swallowed hard, you felt like you had been told off by a teacher.

“Right...”

“Would you like to continue listing your suspicions?”

You took a deep breath and tried to find your flow again. You felt off kilter now, but you had to keep going. You had to know.

“Yeah. You left her alone the first night on purpose. You knew she couldn’t sleep in that fucking room with her horns like that.”

“I did. It was not my choice, but I was ordered by Doc Scratch to leave her soon after she put on the ring. The spell, it forced her to experience your emotions, and allowed her immense vulnerability. It was critical that you interact with her when she was in this state, and that she depended on you for help as you would be the only one she would have even a sliver of trust in.”

“It’s pretty goddamn cruel either way Kanaya.” 

“I had no desire to leave. I wanted to see the demon I once knew. I wanted her to look at me when humanity hit her full force. But my job is to help her forge a bond with you, to keep her alive through that bond. And for that reason I left her in your hands.”

You leaned back in the armchair, observing him. He seemed sincere, and you were losing confidence that he was as bad as you thought, but there were still so many things you had to know before you could even begin to think of him as a nice person. Before you could even begin to trust him.

“You let her get sick on purpose too. You didn’t stop her from eating nonstop for three days so you would have a greater chance of beating her in that shitty fucking duel.”

He nodded slowly.

“Yes. It was a regrettable eventuality. Eridan and I needed to establish new boundaries, a new balance of power since she lost her magic, and it was only a matter of time before she challenged me to a duel. It was imperative that I won, because she needs my help to navigate this world, but she would not accept it if I didn’t prove myself an equal. I used the situation with her horns, which I knew she had strong feelings about, to push the issue, and allowed her to sicken herself in hopes it would weaken her. I even offered her the handicap knowing she would see it as an act of charity and refuse.”

“Jesus Christ...”

“Even with all of that, I shouldn’t have won. I underestimated her raw power and stamina, and I resorted to the dirtiest move imaginable. Tapping into my core with my unadulterated desire to win. I surely would have killed her if you hadn’t intervened when you did. I am very grateful that you were there, that you were strong enough to stop me... I never could have forgiven myself for causing her death again.”

“What do you mean again?”

He sighed and ran a hand down his face. He seemed to be trying to find the words, and you waited patiently for him to speak. Fully prepared to hear something so horrible, you would have full license to hate him forever.

“We emerged from the same pool, Eridan and I, at the same time, and we made our way out of the caves together, battling many other demons, and husks who had infiltrated the tunnels to prey on the yearlings. We stayed together, protected each other, for three months, making our way towards Hell, until we were hunted down by a group of much older, stronger demons who wanted the fun of making the first kill. She died saving me that day, and I went back to the caves to find her again. It is because of her I have never died once. My horns are proof I have lived every day in this body since I woke and I owe that to Eridan. I owe her my humanity. I promised myself I would never let her die again for me, and then I... I almost fucking killed her just to get her to respect me.”

You stared at him for a long moment. He seemed ashamed, really truly, ashamed. And you couldn’t hate him.

“Why are you telling me this...?”

“Because I want you to understand my feelings for her. If we were human, I would consider her my sister, by blood or by water. I want you to know that, while my behavior may seem strange to you, it is not callous or motivated by hatred. Eridan too, probably reasonably suspects me of manipulating both of you, but does not take offense to it as you have on her behalf. She would think it only to be expected, given the situation we are in, and my relationship with her.”

He smiled at you softly.

“It is very charming that you are so concerned though. If she knew she would be extremely flattered.”

You flushed a little but you didn’t look away. 

“So you didn’t do all that shit to be an asshole. That’s good to know... I just have one more question then. About your relationship with her.”

“Ask away.”

“...why did you cut her in half?”

For the first time since you’d walked in, Kanaya seemed surprised, his eyes got bigger and his mouth parted a little.

“...she told you?”

“Yeah.”

He frowned and folded his hands together in front of his face.

“What exactly did she tell you?”

“She told me you cut her in half with a chainsaw and fused her back together. She told me that it saved her from a fate worse than death and... she told me she is in constant fucking pain because of it.”

“That is... that is...” Kanaya laughed joyously and you couldn’t help your outraged face.

“...I’m sorry Sollux, I know you're taking this seriously...”

He chuckled again and you glared at him in confusion.

“... it’s just absolutly fucking insane that she would tell you that.”

“Why? I don’t understand, was she lying??”

Kanaya laughed harder for a second before he seemed to get himself under control, wiping the tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes.

“No, no, sweet Sollux. Eridan told you the truth. I expected that she would lie to you or threaten to kill you, or both, if you so much as thought to mention the scar. But... apparently not.”

“Wha-why the fuck is that funny?”

“Because it means she trusts you. She really, really trusts you.”

You took a deep shaky breath. You were beginning to feel out of control. Your center was no longer calm.

“So you did... do it then.”

“Ahem. Yes. I really didn’t expect to be having this conversation so soon. But I did cut her in half with a chainsaw, my weapon of choice, to save her from a fate worse than death. And she will always be in pain. There is nothing I can do to fix that.”

“Why...?”

He sighed. 

“I don’t know if... I’m really at liberty to say why. It is something that Eridan feels immense shame about, and that is very... difficult to explain without delving into her past relationships. Some of which she is also ashamed of. But...I hope you can take solace in the fact that I wouldn’t have done it if I thought she would die. And I wouldn’t have done it if I thought she wouldn’t forgive me for it.”

A switch flipped in your brain. You hadn’t forgiven him for it.

“Don’t pull that “it was justified” crap, she’s in pain.” Your voice was low, scathing. You wanted to hurt him. You wanted to hurt him for Eridan.

“Sollux-”

“I’m talking now, Kanaya! You should have let her die. You should have ended her fucking suffering if you really gave a shit about her, but you didn’t. You forced her to live like this...!”

You were standing up, you were furious. You were crackling with psionic energy, and Kanaya’s eyes widened violently.

“You sit there and talk about how you love her like she’s family and she’s in pain! Always, always ... Always!!”

You screamed at him, you sent him and the armchair flying across the room with a blast of energy that felt like you were being ripped in half. 

You were being ripped in half.

You screamed like you were dying, pinning Kanaya flat to the wall with raw unchecked power. You were on the floor, you couldn’t move, you couldn’t stop screaming.

You were dying. 

Your vision went black.

When you woke up you were in Kanaya’s arms. You were alive. Really alive, like just totally pissed your pants and didn’t even care alive. A sob ripped from your throat and you pressed your face into his chest. He had a heartbeat, which was surprising to you for some reason, and you tried to slow your own thundering heart to match his. You tried to breathe with him.

He was speaking softly but you didn’t bother trying to understand him. You just listened to his heartbeat, to his breath. You lost yourself in it.

You were vaguely aware of him picking you up and carrying you upstairs. Of him undressing you gently and running a warm shower over you while you sobbed uncontrollably in the bathtub.

At some point you stopped crying, and he dried you off and wrapped you in strange heavy blankets, laying you down on a pile of leathery cushions in one of the mostly empty bedrooms.

You fell asleep with him stroking your face and running his fingers through your curls.

You fell asleep like it was the only thing keeping you from feeling that pain again.

You fell asleep because you had the luxury of not feeling that pain.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave myself a headache writing this chapter. I'm sorry readers, it's so heavy, but it had to happen eventually. And I'm sorry Sollux for making you feel all that pain and turmoil. Uggh I feel baad.  
> But Kanaya's a good egg. And it's not his fault.  
> Oh there a lot of hints about what Hell actually is like here too, and I'll get into it more later.


	23. Distraction Action

**Be Eridan: Distraction Action**

Frivolous or not, learning how to skateboard was a pretty good distraction.

It was a different sort of physical challenge then the ones you were used to, less about speed and strength, and more about balance, technique, and focus. So it took you a bit to figure it out, like two whole hours of wobbling around, before you were able to stay on it consistently like Latula could.

After a while Tuna called you back to the car for food and water, and you rode all the way back across the parking lot by yourself proudly, with Latula behind you whooping and hollering the whole time. You were actually kind of happy. You wished Sol was around so you could show her that you were ok, that you felt better.

The three of you sat in the trunk of the car in the shade, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and apples. And Latula pulled out his phone and showed you videos of skateboarders doing tricks, and spinning through the air and falling down huge steep hills. He even showed you some videos of him doing things like that, and your respect for him shot up immensely. You wanted to do stuff like that. Specifically you wanted the challenge of it.

And Latula and Tuna seemed to understand.

You were practicing skating around the lot again when Tuna wobbled her way towards you, yelling that you had to leave.

Latula caught up to her just before you did.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Some- something happened to Sollux, we have to go home now. Right fucking now.”

“W-wait what happened to Sol?” 

Nothing was supposed to happen to Sol, she was supposed to be with Kanaya. She was supposed to be safe.

“Kanaya called he said-” she gave Latula a brief glance before she met your eyes.

“He said she felt your pain.”

It felt like the ground dropped away from, you felt guilt surge like bile in your throat.

“...fuckin’ come on then!”

You took off towards the car, clambered into the driver's seat before you remembered you didn’t have the keys. Latula came close behind you, dragging Tuna behind him.

“Wait, Eridan, you’re not supposed to-”

“Just giv-ve me the fuckin’ keys, w-we ave to go!”

He shut his mouth and tossed them to you as he and Tuna crawled into the backseat.

They were still shutting the door when you started backing up and spun the car around.

You didn’t need directions, you just started driving towards Sol.

If she really felt your pain, really, truly felt it, there was no telling how she’d feel about you afterwards.

There was no telling if she would ever be ok again.

**Be Sollux: Find Forgiveness**

You woke up and you didn’t know where you were. You sat up with a start, pushing a thick, rough blanket off your naked body, as the events of the day caught up to you.

It was dark now, you could see the waning moon through the window of the room, the room where Kanaya had put you after you accidentally tapped into Eridan’s pain.

You looked down, Eridan was curled up on the floor next you, spooning Lops and Ferrel.

You looked out across the rest of the room. You could see the sleeping form of your mom, and LA and MT tangled together in the corner.

Tears sprung into your eyes, and you tried to wipe them away, but they came back, you tried to breathe, but you couldn't stop shaking.

“Sol...”

Eridan sat up, blinking the sleep from her eyes, her black and purple hair sticking up wildly around her horns. You shuddered violently, tried to say her name but nothing came out.

“You should drink some w-water...” She spoke softly, gently.

She pressed a water bottle into your hands and you tried to drink, but your hands were shaking too much and you just sloshed it over your chest.

Suddenly she was sitting besides you, she took it from your grasp, and held it for you to drink.

You were horribly, painfully thirsty, and you drank the water furiously. It helped, you started to be able to breathe normally again, your hands stopped shaking.

“... I need... to go to the bathroom.”

Your voice was rough and quiet, your throat was still raw from screaming.

Eridan nodded and stood up to help you. It was hard to get up, but easier to walk than you thought it would be. You leaned on her anyways, you let her steer you through the room and around your sleeping family, to the bathroom.

She waited outside for you to finish, and you took the time to wash your face. You stared at it for a while in the mirror, the circles under your puffy eyes, the matted mess of your hair.

You ran your hands over your stomach, still smooth and little squishy, your brown skin marred only by stretch marks. You felt like you should have a scar like Eridan’s, something knotted and deep to represent the pain you had felt, but your body showed no signs of it, you felt nothing. Inside and out you were fine, like it had never happened.

A gentle knock on the door startled you out of your thoughts.

“Sol... I ave clothes for you...”

You opened the door a crack and Eridan slipped you a neat little stack of clothes. 

You didn’t really care if she saw you naked anymore, but clothes were a comfort you wouldn’t deny. You slipped eagerly into your raggedy old pajama bottoms and t shirt, the soft material felt good against your skin and you hugged yourself for a moment, savoring the sensation of the fabric, the sensation of your wholeness.

You opened the door to find her leaning against the opposite wall.

“Hey....”

You practically croaked, and she snickered softly.

“Hey Sol. There’s pizza downstairs if you're hungry.”

Food. 

You nodded and followed her eagerly downstairs, you hadn’t eaten since that bowl of cereal, what felt like years ago.

Eridan pulled some pizza out of the fridge, and you started eating without bothering to heat it up. You ate three slices without stopping, before you paused to accept the glass of water she offered you. She was so quiet it was strange, but you couldn’t think of anything to say to break the silence. You chugged the water while she watched you, a touch of amusement in her big yellow eyes, and then grabbed another slice. Forcing yourself to go slower now, to try and actually taste what you were eating.

You finished it as she came back to counter with another glass of water from the sink, and you took a long drink before you set it down, unfinished.

“Where’s Kanaya?”

“Home. He w-was fuckin’ pissed. You shoulda seen him.”

You felt guilt curl in your gut.

“Yeah, I guess... I wasn’t exactly... nice to him beforehand.”

“He’s not mad at you, dumbass. He’s mad at Doc Scratch. You w-weren’t supposed to be able to... you shouldn’t ave... felt that.”

“Oh.” 

She looked away for a moment, her cheeks blooming violet in the dim room.

“An for today of all fuckin’ days for you to connect w-with me like that, it w-was horrible fuckin’ timin’ Sol.”

“... th- th-sorry.”

“Stop fuckin’ apologizin’ for shit that isn’t your fault.”

“It... it is my fault though.”

“Sol-”

“Just fucking listen to me ok. It is. It wasn’t like I meant to, but I... I’m the one who went out of my way to-to defend you when you didn’t need my help, and you weren’t even upset about it in the first place-”

“W-what the fuck are you talkin’ about? Defendin’ me from w-what exactly?”

You closed your eyes and breathed in roughly, embarrassment making your cheeks heat up.

“From Kanaya.”

Eridan let out a little laugh of surprise before she seemed to realize you were serious.

“From Kan? W-what the fuck Sol?”

“It- it seems stupid now but I thought... I thought he was being... cruel to you. I thought he- he was letting you suffer because he didn’t care and I got all mixed up and I just-”

She snarled at you, clearly offended.

“W-what in the ev-verlovin’ fuck gave you that impression?”

“He let you get sick, he left you alone on purpose, he-”

“Kan would nev-ver ave done any of that if it w-wasn’t necessary, ok? He’s alw-ways, always looked out for me. Always.”

You nodded sharpy, you still couldn’t meet her eyes.

“... Did you really forgive him?”

“For w-what?”

“For putting you through that? For making you... keep living through that, over and over?”

She sighed heavily, and you looked up just in time to see her shake her head.

“Sol... I fuckin’ told you it w-would be w-worse for you, and I wasn’t kiddin’. I don’t experience pain the way you do. My body w-wouldn’t let me.”

“I don’t understand.”

She growled softly, frustrated.

“You understand the fundamental fuckin’ difference betw-ween a demon an a human right?”

You shook your head no, your mom had probably told you at some point but you couldn’t remember even if you tried at the moment.

“Your soul passed through the v-veil into a body that already existed, my body was created by my soul to protect itself. Ev-verytime I die, part a my soul breaks away. There is nothin’ fuckin’ w-worse, there is no physical pain that can compare to that... that feelin’. So of course I fuckin’ forgave Kan for chainsaw-win’ me. If it lets me live another day, if it keeps me from fallin’ apart anymore than I already fuckin’ ave, I’ll live in pain. I’m fuckin’ grateful to liv-ve in pain... Most days, at least.”

You stared at her, trying to wrap you head around the terms of her existence.

“An I’m not like you, Sol. I can lock it aw-way, I don’t experience the full brunt a it most a the time, because my body still has to function for me to be able to survive. Ironically, it made me stronger. A body that thinks it’s about to die has almost no limits. So, I basically ave no fuckin’ limits.”

Something clicked in your brain.

“Is that why you aren’t allowed to do magic anymore?”

Eridan grinned at you toothily.

“Yeah, that didn’t escape the Council’s notice unfortunately. I w-was deemed an uncontrollable monster, the demon who cheated death, an a unchecked danger to society. Personally I think they were all just scared a me comin’ for their fuckin’ heads, but... I let them take it.”

“Why?”

“Because I deserv-ved it.”

You laughed, even though it hurt your throat. She said the craziest shit like it was obvious, when it was anything but to you.

“Eridan... If you say you forgave him, I’ll take your fucking word for it. I’ll forgive him too. But I don’t know about any of that other shit. I don’t even know why Kanaya cut you in half. He wouldn’t say. So if you wanted to tell me at some point... It’d be fucking appreciated.”

She looked away from you, her expression painfully sad.

“Sol... it’s not somethin’ I can just fuckin’ talk about.”

“I’m not asking you to right now. Just at some point, please fucking tell me. I felt your pain, I want to know why.”

You watched her bottom lip wobble, you watched her blink back tears. You felt a sharp pang seeing her like that. You tried to shove it down. You didn't want to care that much. 

“... ok.”

“Ok. Can we go back to bed now?”

She smiled at you softly, and you felt your lips twitch up in response.

“Yeah, let’s go back to bed.”

You followed her back upstairs, making a quick pit stop to rid yourself of all that water you had drank. You felt achy and tired, but weirdly content. Maybe because you’d finally figured some of Eridan’s shit out, or maybe because you didn’t have to worry about Kanaya being a dickhead to her anymore. You hadn’t managed to learn anything about the contract, or why you cared about her so fucking much, but it was some progress, and it was better than nothing.

Eridan was waiting for you to exit the bathroom, she needed to use it herself and that was another weird little surprise to you. 

The demons were so much more alive than you had originally thought they were. They had bodies they needed to maintain. They had hearts and emotions and relationships with each other. Weird fucking relationships, but relationships none the less.

You waited for her to come out of the bathroom too, and she seemed surprised to see you. It was hard to find the words, and it was ridiculously embarrassing, but you had to ask.

“Eridan, would you... um.... will you sleep with me tonight?”

She blinked at you owlishly.

“J-just for tonight...”

Eridan’s smirk made your face feel like it was about to melt off your skull.

“An here I thought you w-were savin’ yourself for the weddin’.”

“Never fucking mind-”

She chuckled throatily. 

“Sol I’m jokin’. You’ve heard of a fuckin’ joke right?”

You nodded sharply, too embarrassed to do much else, and held out your hand.

She slid her cool fingers between your own and you led her into the room, around your family and the dogs, still passed out peacefully on the floor, to the weird pile of leathery cushions you’d been sleeping on earlier.

She crawled on it first, without any prompting from you, sliding under the blankets and lifting them up. You slipped under them and turned away from her on your side. You felt her arm wrap around your waist, and her forehead press against your back. Yesterday, when she was behind you, you had been terrified. Now you felt safe. Her breath against your back was soothing, the weight of her arm felt like an anchor that would keep you from drifting away to bad places in your sleep.

You tangled your hand with hers, you were sliding in and out of consciousness but you had one more thing to say.

“...I never asked if you were feeling better.” 

You whispered more to the pillow than to her, you were so close to sleep again.

She huffed a silent laugh, and you thought, maybe, you felt her lips press in between your shoulder blades, before she squeezed you closer still.

“Yeah Sol, I’m feelin’ better.”

“That’s good,” you thought, but failed to say, before the current pulled you out to the harsh, unforgiving sea of your dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cutiesss. aaaaah.   
> I have no notes just like excitement for the future.


	24. Who Hates You

**Be Eridan: Who Hates You**

You woke up pressed against Sol’s back, your bulge pressing half heartedly into your underwear. You groaned softly and rolled away, cursing your junk and your hormones and the heat of Sol’s body, her strange rich scent. Somehow almost animal, but not.

You hadn’t had masturbated since the day before your engagement started and you hadn’t had sex for almost 6 months before that, so you couldn’t really be surprised. You were absurdly pent up by your standards. But you knew Sol would be upset if she found out you had been spooning her with your bugle out. 

You wiggled away gently, trying to extract yourself from the blankets without waking her up.

Sol stirred gently as you crawled away, rolling backwards into the spot where you’d been.

Her brown eyes cracked open, her lashes were thick and wild, almost tangled together.

“... where...?”

You swallowed nervously, hoped she hadn’t noticed anything.

“Bathroom.”

She sighed softly and closed her eyes, curling up tighter in your spot.

You padded silently out of the room, the sun maybe an hour away from coming up and everything was washed out and tinted blue.

You closed the door to the bathroom and locked it, you didn’t bother with the light since you could see pretty well in the dark and the tiny window above the toilet had turned the room a soft blue gray anyways.

You slipped out of one of the robes Kanaya had brought for you and peeled off your underwear, and your bulge slid out to it’s full length lazily, curling in between your thighs when it found nothing to tangle with.

The last time you’d done this on Earth, you had jerked off in the backseat of the car you stole, not bothering to worry about any mess you made since you set it on fire soon after. But you were in Kanaya’s house, so making a mess was out of the question. You couldn’t even come into a towel if it was his towel, you respected him too much for that, and you didn’t want to leave any evidence for the humans to discover. They were all so obnoxiously prudish.

You climbed into the bathtub, hooking one of your legs over the side to give you more access, and slid your hand around your bulge, pulling in away from the inside of your thigh and letting it slip in between your fingers.

You never took your rings off for this, you liked the way the cold metal felt on your sensitive bits and pain had never been much of a deterrent for you. From pretty much anything if you wanted it badly enough.

Strangely the ring that bound you to Sol wasn’t cold. It was kind of warm, and you switched hands, sliding a few fingers into your nook, letting the heat of it touch your insides and pumping your other along the length of your bulge, spreading the slickness of your precome to the tip, rolling it between your fingertips until the sensation made you buck your hips, pressing your fingers aggressively against the shallow walls of your nook. 

You missed sex.

You let your hand slide back down to the base of your bulge, sliding it up and down the thickest part roughly, letting the thinnest part wrap around your wrist. You pressed the thumb of your opposite hand upwards, letting it catch against the underside of your bugle, and held in your moan.

God, you missed Tav.

They probably hated you now. You hadn’t seen them since they had died, since you had failed so spectacularly to protect them. For the second time. 

You were on trial when you should have been waiting for them. You were fighting nonstop in the Pit by the time they probably fought their way out of the caves.

Your body had slid almost all the down in the tub, you were so close, you were trying to be quiet but it was hard. Your emotions were making it hard. 

You missed sweet, weak, gentle Tav. You missed protecting them, you missed their unabashed admiration for your strength and your callousness.

You missed fucking their brains out, after losing Vriska’s company to his self-righteous madness. His determination to prove he was better than you, his insistence that you were the pathetic one. 

But you didn’t stop Tav from making the same mistake you did, and you lost them too. And now you were throwing yourself a pity party, masturbating in a bathtub and thinking about old lovers. When you should’ve been thinking about your human fiance sleeping in the other room.

You should have been thinking about Sol.

Sol and her weird crooked smile and her weird human scent and her weird human emotions. Sol, with her rich brown skin and gentle curves, her unshakable fucking will. She didn’t hate you. 

Your pumped your hand faster at the thought, and your bugle writhed. You wished you could push your hand deeper into yourself, but angles and all you couldn’t manage it. You let out a soft groan of frustration, you needed to come soon. 

Someone was going to wake up eventually and want to use the bathroom, and you wanted to be finished and cleaned up long before that happened.

You gritted your teeth and tried to focus.

You tried to focus on Sol. 

Human or not she was hot. Tall and well built with sharp eyes and full lips. Canines so big, they could almost be fangs. And she was strong willed and powerful and sometimes even nice to you.

But most importantly, she didn’t hate you.

Even after she felt your pain.

She didn’t hate you.

Your nook clenched violently around your hand, and you dragged the other along your swelling bulge, forcing it away from you, pushing the tip forward between your fingers. It was so sensitive it hurt terribly, but you didn’t let go. You came hard, with Sol’s name on your lips in a silent cry of pleasure, as you released and painted the bathtub violet with your cum.

You leaned your head back against the cool ceramic, panting hard as you came down. You slid your hand from your aching nook, you had cut it up a little with your rings and it stung, but that was par for the course, and you didn’t care. 

Your bugle was already sliding back inside you, curling under the bony plate that protected it.

You hadn’t had an orgasm like that in a long time. Your growing “emotional capacity”, or whatever the fuck Kan had called it, had some perks apparently.

You let yourself bask in the afterglow for a bit, before you unhooked your leg from the side of the bathtub and scooted forward to turn on the tap to rinse away your slurry and clean your hands and thighs of your mess.

You dug around the bathroom until you found a towel to dry yourself off and then stepped back into your clothes. Like nothing had happened. You hoped Sol wouldn’t notice how long you’d been gone.

The dogs were waiting for you outside the bathroom door, whining softly, and you took it to mean it was time for them to go outside and do their business.

You walked downstairs to the glass door, identical to the one in Sol’s house, and let them outside. It was strange how humans built their dwellings all the same sometimes, though Kan had done something to his and the doors, walls, and windows had been stretched upwards. It had probably taken him hours to get the spellwork right.

You stepped outside yourself, it smelled fresh and green. The sun had just slipped over the horizon and already the day felt warm.

You felt her approach, long before you heard her open the door behind you and step outside herself. You had been getting better at reading the fluctuations of your bond, you were getting better at monitoring her proximity to you

“Hey...”

“Mornin’ Sol.”

She walked across the cement to stand next to you. Her hair looked awful, her tight black curls had matted together into a strange shape and that was oddly endearing to you.

“You were gone for a long time.”

Fuck.

“The dogs needed to go outside.”

She smirked at you, and you tried not to blush.

“You were in the bathroom for a long time. I can tell where you are Eridan, how close you are to me.”

“I w-was takin’ a shit you nosey asshole.”

“Nasty... you didn’t flush.”

“I-I did! You just didn’t hear it is all.”

“Hmm... I heard the bathtub running though.”

“Sol.”

“What?”

She grinned at you, and you growled at her.

“You don’t need to know ev-verythin’ I do, ok? An I’m pretty sure you don’t w-want to, so just fuckin’ drop it.”

She chuckled and stretched her arms out behind her.

“Ok then... are you coming back?”

You looked out across the backyard, watching the Lops sniff around the edge of the fence while Ferrel rode proudly on his head.

“Yeah... as soon these two yahoo’s are finished.”

“Just leave the door open for them.”

You glanced at her and she looked away sharply, her cheeks looking a little pinker than before.

“I guess that w-works.”

You followed her back up the stairs, back to the room where everyone was, and this time she crawled onto the sleeping platform first and held the blankets up for you. 

You slipped next to her and turned your back to her. You assumed she would keep her distance because of your horns, but she didn’t. Sol shuffled closer, wrapping a arm around your waist and leaning her chin against the top of your head, perfectly in between them.

“... must’ve been a huge shit... you even smell different.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from blushing. 

“...shut up, Sol..”

“Yep, you stink.”

“... Shut. Up...!” You hissed furiously, trying to keep your voice down.

She laughed softly, squeezing you tighter against her, pulling her head away and leaning her forehead against the back of your neck.

“I’m joking Eridan. You’ve heard of a fucking joke, right?”

You could feel her breath against your neck as she whispered. You could feel her smirk.

“Yeah, yeah... Get your own fuckin’ line.” you grumbled, pulling away so you weren’t so close.

She snickered under her breath.

“I am, though. You actually smell... um. o - ok... Not that you didn’t before.”

“Gee thanks, Sol. Just... go back to sleep you fuckin’ idiot.”

“Kay...”

Sol fell silent and you felt your eyes start to close. You actually were tired, and it was nice having her long, warm arm pressed against you. You slipped into an easy dreamless sleep as she squeezed you closer again, pressing her forehead against the back of your neck. You were so glad she didn't hate you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey! I bet you were like wow there's no porn? But after 23 chapters... I had slip in some porn. I also had to update this to explicit because, the story as I've been developing it has been getting progressively darker and y'know, the porn. I don't actually ship Eridan and Tavros, but them having a relationship of sorts works well with the plot. And I've decided to break the traditional genderbending trope a little and write some of the characters as nonbinary, Tavros being the first one I'm writing with they/them pronouns. I personally identify as nonbinary (she/her pronouns), so I feel comfortable writing characters who are also enbies. Gotta represent my peeps yo.  
> I would write binary trans characters but I honestly just don't think it's my experience to describe, and I look to binary trans creators to tell those stories better than I could.  
> Interestingly I doubt there would be many binary trans demons, since their physical forms, including their human (ish) secondary sex characteristics are dictated by their soul, and gender expression is just a non issue in their society. They have bigger problems, like constant violence and how all their souls are disintegrating over time.


	25. Emotionally Exhausted

**Be Sollux: Emotionally Exhausted**

You could hear your mom speaking softly. Her words slowly gaining more meaning in your sluggish brain until you could fully understand them.

“...she didn’t trigger this? How can you be sure Scratch is telling the truth?”

“ Well I can’t, given that I trust her as much as I trust a wild plainsbeast not to try to gore me on sight.”

That was Kanaya’s voice. It was weird how he enunciated every word carefully and slowly.

“ Which is to say not at all. But Scratch is monitoring the bond. God knows how, but she is, and she showed me a playback of the event.”

You cracked your eyes open, finding only the grey skin of Eridan’s neck and wayward strands of her thick blue-black hair.

It looked slightly different than human skin in a way that was hard to describe. It was definitely thicker, but actually almost smoother seeming.

“How the hell can she do that?”

“On one of her strange computers, I’m afraid I really don’t understand more than that. But it does seem as though it was Sollux who triggered it. The bond that connects their souls became very erratic on her end before- ah she’s up.”

You sat up eough to see Kanaya and Sai standing in the doorway, looking at you curiously.

Eridan shifted next to you under the blankets, baring her teeth at an invisible enemy.

“...our souls are connected?”

Kanaya opened his mouth to answer but was immediately interrupted.

Sai moved so fast she practically appeared next to you, pulling you into a crushingly tight bear hug over Eridan’s sleeping body.

“Oh Sollux! You scared the shit out of me! How are you feeling? Does it hurt? I can get painkillers if you need them-”

You squirmed out her grasp, as Eridan woke up in between you, swearing in her confusion.

“Mom! I’m fine, I promise you, I’m ok... I stopped feeling it a long time ago.”

Eridan propped herself up on an elbow, grumbling and your arm slid farther down her waist. You pulled it away quickly. 

You had wanted her close before, because you were feeling a bit traumatized, but you didn’t necessarily want her close now. You also weren’t sure how you felt about knowing your whole family had seen you sleep cuddling with your demon. Half of you said you should be violently embarrassed, and the other half said you had a free pass and not to give a shit.

You settled on being moderately embarrassed, scooting a little further away from her body so no one would think this was more than a one time thing.

Eridan had settled on grumpy nonchalance, and she sat up fully in front you with a groan, her hair sticking up comically around her head.

“... fuckin’ hell... good mornin’ to you too Sai...”

Sai glared at her and you realized that shit had probably gotten pretty heavy after you had passed out yesterday.

“Ampora.”

“Mmhm w-what...?”

“Get the fuck away from my daughter.”

Eridan stiffened and you groaned. You were too tired for this shit.

“Mom, chill the fuck out.”

“I will not chill the fuck out! You could have died! You- you could have gone into a coma! They can send another demon for you to marry, I’ll give them my soul if that’s what they need to make it happen-”

“That’s not how this works though-”

“How would you know?! I negotiated with them before I can do it again!”

“Kanaya, that’s not how this fucking works right?!”

You both turned to Kanaya who was still standing awkwardly in the doorway, not even fully in the room.

“... um... No. That’s not how this works.”

Sai turned back to you, tears in her eyes.

“How are you ok with this?”

“It’s not - not like I’m ok with it! It was a indescribably horrible and fucking terrifying experience. But it’s not Eridan’s fault and it’s not like we can do anything about it, so just... leave her alone. And stop trying to sell your goddamn soul for me, I don’t need to live with that kind of fucking guilt, ok?”

Sai’s bottom lip wobbled and she looked down sharply.

“... Ok. You’re right, I’m... I’m over-reacting... I’m sorry.”

You sighed. Eridan was still acting like a brick wall and you touched her shoulder gently, rubbing your thumb against the weird rough fabric of her robe, until she turned her head towards you slightly with a slight smile.

Sai looked shocked, almost outraged at the sight, but you didn’t pull away. You were playing it up for her. Your mom needed to understand it wasn’t Eridan's fault. That you weren’t afraid of her, or in any more danger than you ever had been really from all the other shit out there. You were actually probably in less danger because of her.

“It’s ok... I get that this was... fucking scary. But nobody expected it to happen, and it’s over. And I’m fine. I’m really, really ok.”

Your mom took a rough shuddery breath and wiped her eyes, you kept your hand on Eridan’s shoulder and maintained eye contact.

“Ugh... Yeah, ok... I’m sorry, Eridan. What happened... I know it wasn’t... it’s not your fault.”

Eridan finally seemed to relax a little, the tension disappeared from her shoulders and she scratched her head.

“I’m not tryin’ to be obstinate here, but... it is kinda my fuckin’ fault? In the long run at least. But she’s your spawn so I can't be offended if you’re upset Sai.”

Sai chuckled damply, though her eyes were still a little hard.

“She is my spawn. And I would happily die for her. But Sollux is right, it’d be pretty fucked for me to blame you considering I’m the one who made this deal in the first place.”

“Fair point. From... both a you, I guess.”

You couldn’t help it, you smiled a little.

“Great work getting along everybody. Are we all good here? Is there any fucking coffee?”

Your mom sighed softly, with what you discerned as a familial fondness and mild aggravation, and stood up from the floor

“Yeah, we’re all good. Mituna and Latula went to get us some coffee and doughnuts. They should be back soon ”

You knew Eridan’s eyes were getting bigger even though you couldn’t see her face.

“Doughnuts?”

You snickered and grabbed one of her horns, tilting her body further out of the way so you could crawl off the cushions.

“Yes, it’s food. And yes, I will zap you if you take more than your fair share.”

She growled at you as you released her, but you weren’t scared at all.

“Hey asshole...! Just cause you can fuckin’ grrrab em doesn’t mean you fuckin’ should.”

You smirked at her.

“Sorry.”

She flipped you off as you walked away, towards the bathroom. Kanaya stepped out your way with a slight nod.

“It’s good to see you up and about Sollux.”

“You too. Sorry I... went kind of psycho. I hope didn’t fuck you up too badly though.”

He smiled at you softly, there was kindness in his eyes.

“You broke several ribs, but they have already healed. We have much to talk about later, I think it’s best... if I don’t keep you in the dark anymore. By which I mean I tell you everything I know thus far.”

You nodded your appreciation. You were beginning to understand that Kanaya was less well informed than he seemed, but his intentions weren’t bad regardless.

“Thanks.”

You left the room and went to the bathroom. The contentedness you had felt last night after talking to Eridan hadn’t dissipated. The sudden ease you felt was sort of troubling in it’s own right, but it sure as hell was better than the crippling anxiety, anger, fear and suspicion that had been overwhelming you the last few days. You figured you’d lean into it for a bit. You were kind of too emotionally exhausted to do otherwise anyways.

  
  
  
  


**Be Eridan: Fit In**

When Tuna and Latula came back they had a huge box of ridiculously sweet smelling food, that you drooled over impatiently while the two of them smothered Sol in affection she was clearly not in the mood for.

You were being polite, waiting for the humans to stop their antics so you could eat together. Eating food as a group wasn’t exactly something you were used to, but the humans seemed to do it all the time. It seemed important to them.

Finally, Sol managed to wiggle away from her sister.

“Jesus MT I’m fine! There’s food right? And coffee?”

“Coffee is in the house dude.”

Latula grinned and grabbed a drink holder with four steaming cups of the foul smelling liquid from where he had left it on the counter, passing one out to all the humans while you and Kan wrinkled your noses.

To your surprise they all started sitting down on the floor, making a little circle in Kan’s mostly empty living room. Even Kan joined them after a moment leaving you standing awkwardly in your confusion.

“Hey Eridan, can you bring the doughnuts over?” Tuna asked you pleasantly sipping on her cup of concentrated nasty.

You did as she asked, picking the box up from the counter and walking back over to them. You weren’t sure exactly why they were all sitting on the floor instead of standing at the counter but you gathered that they expected you to sit with them and you did so, closing the circle.

“You wanna let go of that box so we can all have some?” Sai asked dryly.

You flushed and pushed the box towards her, and Sai opened it, scooting it towards Sol to pick her confection first.

You sighed and pulled your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arm around them and leaning your cheek against the top, while the box scooted around the circle and the humans talked softly among themselves.

Sometimes you felt like you were never going to understand them and the things they did. Sometimes you felt like you were always going to on the outside.

Kan poked your side and you hissed at him. He was classically unphased.

“Eridan you might want to consider sitting in a slightly different way.”

“W-why?”

“Everyone can see your underwear.”

You growled under your breath. Stupid prudes.

“At least now you know I’m fuckin’ w-wearin’ some. You woulda had to w-wonder otherwise.”

Sol snorted a laugh, her mouth full of food, and you felt slightly vindicated, even as you followed Kan’s suggestion and settled into sitting cross legged on the floor.

When the box got to you and Kan, you were overwhelmed by the choices.

Kan finally just picked one out for you, and you bit into it excitedly, the sweetness exploding in your mouth overwhelming all your other senses temporarily.

Your reverie was interrupted by a sudden burst of laughter, from Tuna and Latula and even Sol. You swallowed hard. They were laughing at you.

“W-what are you fuckin’ gigglin’ about?”

Tuna seemed incapacitated by her laughter, but Latula managed to control himself enough to answer.

“Dude, your freaking tail.”

“W-what about it?” you snarled. 

Sol grinned at you mischievously even as she continued to snicker.

“If you take another bite, I’ll tell you.”

You were so confused. You gave the pastry a cautionary sniff to make sure you hadn’t missed something. It smelled very good, absurdly good. Not the least bit poisonous.

You bit down, the sweetness made you close your eyes, and your tail stiffened out behind you, vibrating aggressively like it did when you were really excited. You swallowed the bite quickly, your cheeks growing hot.

The humans collapsed in mirth again, and you felt sort of at a loss for a reaction. Even Kanaya was chuckling behind his big white hand and you glared at him because you didn’t know what else to do.

Sol's goofy laugh finally started to subside and she pointed at Kan.

“Wait, wait... Holy shit, Kanaya you have to eat one, you have to try one now...”

“Yeah... for science!” Tuna exclaimed beside her, her hair bouncing around her head.

“Oh well, if I must.”

He carefully plucked one from the box and took a bite, everyone watching him expectantly.

His tail shot upwards behind him as his face twisted in a grimace, before thwacking back to the ground as he swallowed his bite with a shudder.

It was such a different reaction than your own that everyone just stared at him for a moment before someone started laughing. It was actually you, but you hoped no one was going to make a big deal of that since everyone else, including Sai, joined in shortly afterwards.

Kan just shook his head sadly as he made another face of disgust.

“Bluh... I knew it was going to be too sweet. But I tried it anyways because you asked me too. This is a lesson on why you should never give in to peer pressure.”

You snickered despite yourself. You were trying to get yourself back under control.

“Kan, you're a fuckin’ hypocrite, you lov-ve to pressure people into shit. That’s your w-whole fuckin’ thing.”

He huffed at you, offended.

“Only if it’s for their own good. Peer pressure is the cruel thoughtless version of what I do.”

“Oh, an w-what’s that called?”

“... Meddling.”

You and Sol both burst out laughing, and you suddenly felt much closer to her. Kan interrupted your moment with one of his rare displays of aggression, by growling his irritation and tackling you, trying to force feed you the rest of his doughnut. Sol and Tuna thought that was pretty funny, probably since they had seen you actually fight, though both Sai and Latula looked a little shocked.

He was not even remotely strong enough to take you, but you let him win the brief scuffle, because when it ended you got to eat the doughnut. Despite your best efforts, you really couldn’t stop your tail from getting all twitchy while you ate it, and your self awareness of this made your cheeks hot, made worse by all the human snickering. 

That, more than his fake win, seemed to pacify Kan’s annoyance with you, and he let you go without further comment.

You weren’t mad about it though, you felt a little more at ease actually. Maybe you fit in better than you thought you did. At least with Sol and Tuna and Tula. And Kan of course. Sai however, still seemed rather suspicious of you.

Maybe suspicious wasn’t the right word. It seemed like she had decided, after Sol’s little mishap, that you were dangerous, an inherent threat to her spawn. Despite Sol’s insistence that she was fine and that it was an accident that you weren’t at fault for, Sai’s eyes remained a little harsher when they looked your way.

You tried not to let it bother you. It wasn’t like they could get rid of you at this point. The opportunity for an exchange ended after you accepted the ring. And Doc Scratch probably wouldn’t have been able to find another viable candidate, even if they had objected to you in time.

Signing up to try to court a human and risk your souls entire existence to rescue someone, it just wasn’t a very appealing offer, even if you did receive clemency for it. Why would any demon besides you care?

Obviously they didn’t, or most of them didn’t. The ones who didn’t balk, who were desperate enough, or just weirdly into humans, were all deemed incompatible with Sol, by criteria you didn’t really understand, calculated by tests you understood even less than criteria.

You were brought up from the Pit as a last resort by Kan, who had to call in a favor with your least favorite lawyer to arrange a highly unorthodox and legally shaky rescue. Which wouldn’t have been enough on it’s own, but no one said no to a request from Doc Scratch. She was a figure so old, so constant and unchanging in Alternian history that to say no to her was to say no to a fucking god.

Not like the “God” or “Gods” speculated to exist in the third plane, which you weren’t really sure if you believed existed in anyways. Someone would have figured out how to get there by now if it was real. 

Doc Scratch was a god, for all intents and purposes. Immortal, unkillable, deeply obnoxious and impossibly powerful, she was responsible for the Condesce’s rise to power almost 300,000 years ago, the creation of the technology needed to move between the two, proven definitely to exist for sure, planes of existence and the creation of Hell itself.

Needless to say, you were grateful to have your interests align. The ability to piggyback on her supreme power and influence was an opportunity most demons would kill for. 

Technically you had killed thousands for it. But you didn’t like to think about that.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sol was like "Wait, Mom, you can't take my demon away, I'm just starting to get used to her."  
> I am beginning to suspect that all that ecchi cat girl stuff I liked as a young weeb is slipping out here because I can write about a characters with tails. And I really have no shame because I still think it's cute.  
> Also I hope that like the hints I've been dropping that Hell is not the like plane they're from but rather a specific place on a alternate earth, called Alternia as I reveal so subtly in this chapter, are no longer just hints.  
> I mean, what the fuck else would it be called? This is a Homestuck fanfic and we got to get with the program and drop those references like they are hot potatoes.


	26. Stay On The Handle

**Be Kanaya: Stay On The Handle**

Getting the rest of Sollux’s family unit, including the dogs and the excitable little blonde one who you’d never met before, out of your house took almost two hours. 

Normally patience was a virtue you had in spades, but given your long and mostly sleepless night dealing with the most obnoxious being to ever pop into existence, your cup did not runneth over.

Sai wanted to stay with her daughter, but you knew that Sollux was the one who needed answers. And given the personal nature of those answers, and how you needed to communicate with Eridan as well, it would be an infinitely more pleasant task if her mother wasn’t hovering over her shoulder.

Finally, you were out of options. She was refusing to acknowledge your hints.

The rest of the herd was outside playing with the dogs, and Sai was watching them, hawk like, through the glass door. 

You sighed and went to stand next to her.

“Sai, I need to speak with Eridan and Sollux, privately, as soon as possible.”

She didn’t look at you, just took a sip from her long cold coffee.

“Anything you need to say to them, you can say to me.”

“Of course you’re right. But you already know most of what I’m about to tell them. Not only that, there are questions I need them to answer honestly, which your presence would not encourage.”

“Are you suggesting that my daughter can’t be honest with me?”

“On certain matters, yes.”

Sai spun towards you angrily.

“Fuck you.”

“I understand that this has been very stressful for you, and you have many anxieties about the current situation, but we have all been woefully unprepared for the realities of it thus far. Sollux and Eridan most of all. Let me do my job and mediate this rift in understanding.”

She looked away, her hand clenched at her side, she looked like she might cry.

“... I... I wish I had never made this deal...”

“You don’t really, though... You love your children more than you value your own life, you are more proud of them than anything you have ever accomplished. You do not regret bringing them into the world, only that you have caused them pain. But life is pain. It comes for us all, one way or another, and you cannot hold yourself as the root of all of theirs.”

She started crying, which was not your intent, and you were unsure of the right move here since your relationship was rather ambiguous to you.

“I’m sorry, perhaps I was out of line. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Sai reined in her tears quickly with a laugh.

“Kanaya... you didn’t, I’m not upset with you.”

“You’re not?”

“No... you... I think I’ve been being... selfish. It’s just hard. It’s so fucking hard... having your kids grow up on you. It’s hard and no one understands.”

You were feeling a bit out of your depth here. Maternal instincts were really not in your wheelhouse.

“Unfortunately I cannot have children, so I can honestly say I don’t relate.”

“It’s ok, you don’t have to. I just... I can’t protect them anymore, not from my - my choices and not from the rest of this horrible fucking world and it makes me feel like I fucked up. Like I failed them. But you’re right. I don’t regret the deal. I’m so happy they’re here.”

“I... know this may seem strange. But I perhaps understand a little of how you’re feeling. There is a frustration in watching others live their lives, especially when you feel responsible for them. But if you try to control them and involve yourself unnecessarily, it only pushes them away.”

Sai chuckled softly.

“Is this advice from personal experience? Did you and Eridan have a falling out or something?”

“At one point, yes. It was only by the grace of another demon, one that garnered immense respect from her, that she began to speak with me again.”

“I don’t want her to hate me... I know I have to... to give her space, and you have to tell her about all this soul bond crap. I just don’t think I can expect her to forgive me for it.”

“No. But you didn’t expect her to forgive you for not telling her before her birthday and Sollux surprised you there.”

“She’s such a good kid.”

“She is very kind. Perhaps a bit abrasive at times, but kind.”

“Yeah... Ok. I’ll go round up the rest and get out of your house. Thank you Kanaya... For being... not as coldhearted as the last one.”

Something occurred to you. It was so dumb you hadn’t thought of it before it was embarrassing.

“Thank you, I appreciate it. Sai, you may not be at liberty to tell me, but do you happen to know the name of the demon you made the original contract with?”

“Of course. Scratch didn’t tell you?”

You shook your head no.

“His name was Vriska.”

You felt suddenly a little unsteady on your feet.

Sai rested her hand on your arm.

“Kanaya are you alright?”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath in.

“Yes. Some pieces just fell into place. But I am alright.”

“Are you sure?”

You forced a smile onto your face.

“Yes, I promise. I shouldn’t have been surprised, Vriska is notorious for making strange and unusual deals with humans.”

“He’s horrible.”

You nodded. He was horrible. It was strange to think he had once been the object of your affections. You were just far too soft to be the object of his. Too meddlesome.

“Thank you for telling me.”

Sai looked at you with concern wrinkling her forehead.

“Yeah, no problem.”

She stared at you for a second too long before she turned around, went outside to extract Mituna and her partner. You knew what she wanted to ask, but you were glad she didn’t. You didn’t know how to respond to the question. You didn’t know how to fit this information fully into your understanding of your current situation.

You certainly couldn’t tell Eridan until you could offer her an explanation. If she flew off the handle now there was no telling the damage she would do. As long as she didn’t find out everything would be fine. You just had to be careful not to fly off yours.

You had to stay on the handle until you knew what high stakes bullshit he was pulling.

Then you could hunt him down, jump off said handle and kick him in the bone bulge so hard it could never slither out and infect anyone again.

For the good of humans and demons alike.

**Be Sollux: Not Today**

Your family had brought your toothbrush and face wash to Kanaya’s place, so you were able to at least get that straightened out after breakfast, though your hair was going to take some concentrated effort to untangle and condition. For the time being you just combed it out with your fingers so it wasn’t fused to your skull in a weird helmet.

You poked around the bathroom a bit, looking for some evidence of what Eridan had been up to in the wee hours of the morning. You only found two, literally, demonic toothbrushes, and a towel hanging above the toilet that wasn’t there before, which confirmed that she had been in the bathtub, at least for a bit.

There was a thought that you weren’t having, because you weren’t automatically jumping to that conclusion. No, it probably wasn’t that, that thing you weren’t even thinking about. It was probably something way less obvious than that, and really why did you even care what she was doing in here. 

Whatever it was, she had been so evasive about it, you had to make fun of her for her evasiveness. And it made her smell so much stronger. She had a kind of weird smell to you already, almost oceanic, but when she came back it was even deeper and richer. It had a sweet edge to it.

You peeked into the bathtub anyways, because you couldn’t help it. You were curious. It looked perfectly normal, except for a small smudge of something violet, barely there on the edge of the shower curtain.

Your brain made like six jumps of logic at once and then you promptly shut it all down. Because you weren’t thinking about that. Not today. 

  
  
  
  
**Be Eridan: Be Completely Unaware Of Sollux Totally “Not” Figuring out What You Did In the Bathroom**

The humans weren't able to eat all the doughnuts they brought. So you got to eat four, plus the one Kan couldn’t finish. They were definitely your new favorite food, though you suspected that if you had anymore than that you’d get sick and throw up again. They were very sweet and your stomach wasn’t super used to processing sugar.

Tuna laughed literally every time your tail got all stiff and twitchy, which was about every few minutes while you were eating.

It was annoying, but you couldn’t help it and you weren’t giving up the doughnuts to make it stop. They weren’t just sweet and rich, they had different flavors of sweet and some of them had different textures and even gooey fillings.

If there were any other demons besides Kan around, you would’ve beaten the shit outta them to ensure their silence. That kind of expression of excitement and pleasure was something you saved for the privacy of your home, for demons you trusted and loved. Not for strangers.

Which begged the question, did you not consider them strangers now?

Did you feel at home with them?

It was a weird thought. From the beginning, you had thought this whole thing was such a long shot it wasn’t worth worrying about the future. But if it was successful, you had sort of assumed would you go back to Hell and try to build your life up again. Now you weren’t so sure that was an option. And even if it was.

If things continued like this, would you even want to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has two parts.  
> 1\. plot.  
> 2\. lol.


	27. What To Worry About

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Self Harm TW: Blood

**Be Sollux: What To Worry About**

Kanaya insisted he talk to you and Eridan as soon as possible, and to your surprise your mom cooperated with his agenda, gathering the dogs and dragging LA and MT out with her.

Which just left you, Eridan and Kanaya in his big empty house. It was sort of painfully awkward. Given all the shit that had happened. 

To make things worse, you felt like a fucking asshole for snooping around the bathroom earlier. Whatever went on in there, Eridan didn’t owe you an explanation, and if you were thinking it was, what you maybe, kinda thought it was, it likely had nothing to do with you. To assume that it did was fucked up and egotistical and you hated yourself for letting your brain even go there.

You couldn’t really look her in the eyes now your sister and her boyfriend weren’t around to buffer and talk about bullshit. Eridan seemed kinda spaced out and lost too. Probably from eating way to many fucking doughnuts. Someone had to teach her how to control her eating habits soon or you foresaw a lot more instances of you dragging her sickly ass to the bathroom.

Kanaya’s weird imperviousness to uncomfortable vibes came in handy. Because it was pretty clear as soon as the door shut behind your family that neither you or Eridan were capable of breaking the silence. 

He turned back to the both of you, clapping his hands to get your attention with a pleasant smile.

“Well. I do believe it’s time to discuss the events of the last few days. I think we should retire to the bedroom. I’ll bring the chair up so we can all get comfortable.”

You let out a slight chuckle.

“Ok, you really need more chairs, Kanaya.”

“Yes, I’ll get around to getting more eventually. I was planning on doing more to set up here, but these last few days have been a little bit more complicated than I originally anticipated.”

You snorted a laugh. It was good to know even Kanaya had noticed the crazy. It wasn’t just you. 

He walked over to the red armchair, the one you didn’t crush with the full force of your psionics yesterday, and drew a quick symbol in the air with his fingers. It levitated instantly and he flicked it higher off the ground.

You and Eridan followed him silently up the stairs as he floated it in front of him.

He dropped opposite of the pile of cushions, facing them and you realized he expected the both of you to sit there. Like he was a therapist and that was the couch where you spilled your guts.

You stopped walking, trying to find your nerve, and Eridan literally crashed into you from behind.

“Oww! W-why’d you fuckin' stop?”

“I don’t know. Why weren’t you paying attention?”

She huffed at you, and you rolled your eyes, walking over to cushions and trying to form them in something more chair like. Eridan sat down cross legged without making adjustments, except for pulling one into her lap, hugging it close to her chest and digging her claws into it. You sat in your makeshift chair, and realizing that it sucked, you pushed the offending pillows out of the way and copied Eridan. She rolled her at you as you did this but said nothing, and you didn’t say anything either. The tension was too thick for casual conversation or jabs.

You weren’t sure if you were ready for this. Whatever truths Kanaya was about to drop on you. But you’d lost your shit so hard yesterday looking for them you felt like you kind of owed it to your past self to suck it up and listen.

Even if you had to sit next to Eridan and it made you feel a little. Uncomfy. 

Finally everyone was seated and there was an awkward pause while you all wondered who was going to speak first.

Eridan let out a little fake cough and you both turned to look at her.

“ So Kan... did you find out w-what happened yesterday?”

“Yes I did. But I want to preface this with the fact that I have been misled assiduously by Doc Scratch about the nature of the spell that was designed to fulfill this contract. I do not know the full details of the original contract, and though I have spoken to Sai many times before the engagement started, there are clauses in the contract that prevent her from telling others it’s specifics.”

You nodded sharply. You were afraid of something like that being the case. Your mom’s evasive vagueness about the deal itself had been troubling you a lot.

“She tricked you...? W-wait, is this not goin’ to help Fef?!”

You frowned. There was real panic in her voice. And who the hell was Fef?

“No, no. It does seem like her intentions are still to retrieve Feferi and she assured me of that several times. Doc Scratch revealed everything I’m about to tell you now without resistance, it seemed as though she planned to tell me the true details of plans only after I had helped them come to fruition. I also spoke to Sai earlier this morning and told her what I am about to tell you so you needn’t worry about explaining this to her.”

You swallowed nervously.

“I... I heard you say something about a... bond. Between our souls.”

Eridan whipped her head around to look at you, shock and outrage twisting her features downwards before she turned on Kanaya.

“Is that t-true?!”

Kanaya sighed heavily and nodded.

“When Doc Scratch approached me to be a liaison for this project of hers, she told me that the bond between the demon and the human would be superficial. Meaning it would only create an extreme awareness of one another and a discomfort over distance and by so doing force the two parties to desire to spend time together, thus slowly facilitating change in the demons nature as they became more attuned to human emotions. She told me that the rings, once connected, would first flood the wearer’s with the opposite party’s emotions, and that this would instigate immediate change in the participating demon, though to what degree she could not say. That at least was true, and I did not suspect any deception until Eridan requested that you help with her horns.”

Eridan blushed and looked away and you felt a little queasy. Of course that was weird. She barely knew you and she put on the same level as the demon who was practically her brother. But you had accepted it easily enough, you had been touched by her insistence that you be there.

“Scratch revealed to me that she had in fact manipulated your souls to create an irreversible bond, one that can only be severed by the erasure or corruption of one or both souls. It’s highly unlikely that you, Sollux, with your intact soul, would be at risk for that fate. And Eridan, you accepted those risks, knowing how high they are for you given the state of your soul, when you took the ring.”

It was your turn to be shocked and outraged.

“Wait a fucking second, I get that Eridan gave this psycho some kind of accidental permission for this horse shit, but I didn’t! I never signed up for any of this!”

“Sollux, your mother, as the carrier of your soul vessel, gave Scratch permission to manipulate the soul that entered that body in a very specific way, with very low risk to it’s integrity. Doc Scratch, while she does not hold your contract and cannot make them, is directly responsible for the creation of the deal that now holds you both in this arrangement, it was created by an agent of hers, whose job it is to search out opportunities for her experiments.”

You shook your head, a lump rising in your throat.

“This is so fucked up...”

Eridan’s claws were starting to rip through the weird leathery cushion, she looked absolutely terrified.

“ F-fuck Kan, w-w-what did she d-do to me...?”

“Well, as best as I can understand it, she connected them. After “nicking” your souls to create vulnerabilities that would cause them to join. Again, Sollux you have an infinitesimally small risk of corruption from this. Your soul is intact and can sustain itself indefinitely as long as your body remains alive on this plane. And as for Eridan... it seems that this is why you have experienced an explosion of emotions the last few days. Rather than just experiencing Sollux’s emotions through the link, it is also acting as a sort of... nutrient source from which you can begin replenishing what you have lost.”

You were too stunned by this information to say anything. 

But Eridan was fucking flabbergasted. Her mouth hung slack for a moment, her yellow eyes wide and blank as she struggled to process.

“I- I d-don’t understand... w-what...”

Kanaya smiled at her gently.

“Eridan. Your soul is regrowing. You are recovering your humanity, not artificially, but from within yourself.”

Her mouth parted, her eyes grew even wider as it hit her.

“Oh...!”

Tears sprung into her eyes, and she buried her face into the cushion quickly. She was trembling.

You reached out to touch her instinctively. 

As soon your hand touched her shoulder, a harsh sob ripped from her body and she crashed into you, still clutching the pillow over her face.

You wrapped your arms around her shaking body, pressing her against you to try and comfort her. You couldn’t even imagine. It was beyond the scope of any experience you could have, what she was going through.

Kanaya got up from the chair and wrapped his arms around you both easily cradling you both against his chest making soft soothing noises.

Your eyes grew hot and wet as you held her and Kanaya held you both and you felt a few tears of your own slip down your face before Eridan seemed to calm down.

Kanaya released you gently, settling down on the floor and you let Eridan pull away from you as she lowered the pillow she had shredded from her face. She looked adorably disgruntled, her stupid hipster glasses were almost falling off her distinctly lavender tinted face.

“W-wait.. w-w-why are you g-guys fuckin’ cryin’ right now?”

You shared a quick glance with Kanaya, whose face was also damp with tears and a laugh bubbled out of your throat as you shrugged.

Kanaya also chuckled softly, pulling a handkerchief out of the pocket of his red leather robe and wiping his eyes.

“I suppose... because we care for you Eridan.”

“W-well fuckin’ knock it off then.”

You used your t shirt to scrub some of the moisture from your face as you laughed again.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that ship has fucking sailed. It left the harbor three days ago, and you’ll never catch it now. Because that’s when I started giving a shit. The most reluctant, constipated fucking shit of all time, but still...”

“It is true. Sollux has been very concerned about your well being. It is precisely this concern and empathy that caused yesterday’s incident.”

Eridan’s bottom lip started to wobble again, and her eyes started to look a little wetter.

“W-why don’t you just hate me Sol? I’m here ruinin’ your life and apparently leechin’ off your mortal soul. I’d fuckin’ h-hate me...”

“What fucking good would that do ED?”

She blinked at you, perplexed.

“This whole stupid, batshit crazy situation... it isn’t your fault. You got - got fucking tricked into it. And it’s definitely not KN’s and it’s not even my mom’s really because she was just exploited by whatever piece of shit made the deal with her. And whoever that poor soulsucker is, they were probably just being exploited by this Doc Scratch bitch too. Whoever and whatever the fuck she is. She’s the one I’m going to hate if I’m going to hate anyone, ok? So stop asking because it’s pissing me off.”

Both Kanaya and Eridan stared at you and you gazed back at them fiercely. Everyone wanted you to hate them for everything lately and you weren’t going to do it. You reserved that emotion for yourself and a few well deserved entities and that was all there was to say about that.

Kanaya opened his mouth and then shut it again, brow furrowed, before he tried again hesitantly. His pale cheeks had gone a little green.

“...Ah Sollux... am I correct in noticing... that you gave us nicknames?”

You looked away as you tried to hide your flustered expression. It was sort of inevitable that you were going to give them nicknames. You knew what they would be days ago, since your nickname generating systems was painfully obvious. It was just a matter of when they earned them. 

And apparently that was today. Right now.

“Why is that what you take away from that whole goddamn speech?”

Eridan chuckled throatily, her eyes bright and shiny, but not with tears.

“Jeez Sol, w-we weren’t under the impression you w-were that fond a us lately. Or ev-ver.”

You huffed your frustration.

“Look I don’t... it’s become painfully clear to me that we’re stuck together for better or for worse. So we might as well be on good terms if we can. And your not the only one this... this soul bond thing is affecting.”

“So you have noticed then?” Kanaya asked you pleasantly.

You scoffed at him. Picking at the frayed hem of your pajama bottoms.

“Yeah, I fucking noticed. I was ready to fucking kill you because I thought you didn’t...”

You sighed and rubbed the back of your neck. You didn’t want to talk about this anymore. Everyone knew how sore your knees were from jumping to fucking conclusions.

“... My emotions have been all over the fucking place. Especially whenever ED is involved. When you guys had that duel... I was so fucking scared. And it didn’t occur to me till later that... that was kind of crazy in and of itself. Not that it was weird for me to freak out a little but... I should have felt more ambivalent about you attacking her like that. I didn’t ask for you guys to invade my life, or for some quack doctor to fucking jumper cable a demon to my soul but it’s done and now I can’t help but... give a shit.”

ED hugged her shredded cushion to her chest, smirking knowingly and you couldn’t help the heat that rose in your cheeks.

“Aww Sol... you're so sw-weet.”

“Shut up. This is partially against my own will, I’m not being “sweet” just because.”

You actually used finger quotes when you said, “sweet” and you felt your self respect eat theoretically shit. 

“I hate to disagree but... that is not entirely true.”

You gave KN a quizzical look, perhaps with more anger than he deserved but you were still recovering from the shame actually using finger quotes in real life.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“ It might be against your conscious will... or perhaps just contradict so strongly with what your human world view finds acceptable but... there is strong evidence that you, and the soul that is you, have decided to accept, protect and nourish Eridan and her soul.”

You opened your mouth to object, but you didn’t even know what the hell he was talking about so you had to shut your mouth again with a clack. Retortless.

“There was never any guarantee that you and Eridan would get to this point. Doc Scratch has been performing this experiment for thousands of years, she sends demons to look for human candidates for them constantly. Most reject demons innately, the rest corrupted the participating demons to Husks in the matter of a few months, and the two demons who were able to bond and apparently develop feelings for their human counterparts were unable to withstand the final part of the spell. Whether or not this was by a fault in their own attachments or by the humans’ it is unclear. But Scratch seems to believe, sincerely, that you will be able to sustain Eridan through the process.”

“I’m a little lost here KN...”

“Forgive me, I went off topic a bit. What you need to understand is that, when Eridan put on the ring she also risked your innate rejection, which could have damaged her soul very badly. Or worse, you could have allowed the connection but rejected it afterwards. And... if that were the case, by trying to cut off the connection to her soul when it was so vulnerable, you would have caused a corruption which would have collapsed her soul from within, causing her to devolve to the final iteration a demon takes, generally called a Husk, very quickly. A very unpleasant thing to see. You, or your soul if you want to make that distinction, chose to heal her wound, to share your health, and to encourage her growth. So I think it is probably inaccurate to say that you care for her against your will.”

You flushed violently. That was the gayest thing you’d ever heard in your life. ED also looked appropriately violet faced after such a speech.

“Holy shit... why did... why did you even take the ring then?”

You looked at ED and she looked so small, so guilty. She refused to meet your eyes.

“I... had to try. I... owed it to someone.”

“To... Fef?”

She nodded softly.

“He’s... he’s my best friend. And I put him in danger, I put ev-veryone I care about in danger. But he fuckin’ helped me anyw-ways... and I couldn’t sav-v-ve him from... w-what I started. So w-when Kan t-told me that - that he surv-vived, that they had messages from him to prov-v-ve it, and that Doc Scratch could g-g-get him if she could complete this spell, I... had to say yes. It was the least I could do...”

“Where is he?”

It was Kanaya who spoke next.

“The Furthest Ring.”

“Where’s that?”

He tilted his head, smiling sadly. The look in his big eerie red eyes sent a shiver down your spine.

“There are three planes of existence. Between them all our souls fall through, the only constant. Formed in one, changed, grown, perfected or damaged in the next, and destroyed in the last. The Furthest Ring is a place beyond all places, Sollux. Past the edge of the universe, all three versions of it. And it is full of creatures of Unspeakable Horror.”

You stared at him. He had seen them.

Eridan pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in her arms. She was digging her claws into her skin and the rich violet of her blood was dripping onto the cushions you sat on. You wanted to say something, but there were no words.

“Feferi, our friend, was sucked into this place due to an unfortunate circumstance, and by the machinations of those creatures. We received communications from a human who was contacted by Feferi in his dreams, something that seems possible only from there. The creatures are keeping him as a... sort of pet, for the time being, but he must be rescued. The only way to get there is to summon one and go through the rift it creates...”

Her claws sank deeper into her gray skin. You were fucking frozen. Why wasn’t KN doing something? Why was he still talking?

“... Or to allow Doc Scratch to alter the flow of our universes, to reverse the flow of one soul, and in the resulting momentary instability, create a rift of her own.”

You kickstarted your brain. You grabbed Eridan’s wrist and pulled her hand away from her arm. Blood shot over your t-shirt, on your face. You could smell it.

“Fucking stop that!”

She lifted her head to meet your eyes with surprise.

“... It doesn’t hurt that bad Sol... an it’ll heal.”

Her face was pale but hard. You were angry and calm at the same time.

“I don’t care, and you shouldn’t either. Don’t do that.”

She yanked her hand away from your grasp, baring her sharp white teeth at you, the growl in her throat the most aggressive you’d heard in a long time.

“An w-why’s that?”

“You can’t substitute one kind of pain for another, numbnuts. If you think you need to claw yourself up to atone for some bad shit that happened or that you caused or whatever the fuck, you aren’t being brave. You aren’t fucking dealing with it. You’re being a fucking coward and the real pain is just gonna sit there underneath it, getting worse and worse until eats you alive. And what fucking good are you to anyone then?”

She stared at you, furious, trembling.

You held her gaze. 

Suddenly she was grasping you by the front of your shirt, lifting you up for a brief second with her blood covered arm before she pushed you down onto the cushions, flat on your back, she was on top of you, the snarl in her mouth primal, her teeth were closing down.

You reached up to touch her face.

She growled at you, pressing closer still, but you didn’t remove your hand. You rubbed the curve of her cheek gently with your thumb. It was like being in the eye of a hurricane. You were so calm. Even though your body was ringing every alarm bell it had.

Eridan did not like this reaction to say the least. She chuckled viciously, opening her mouth wider so you could see the dark grey behind her shiny shark teeth.

“W-why aren’t you actin’ scared Sol? Don’tcha think I’m gonna bite your pretty face off?”

She tilted her head lower brushing her nose against your skin, under your jaw, smelling you. You slid your hand down to her shoulder, to the back of her neck. You tangled your fingers in her hair.

“You reek a fear. Just like a w-wild animal right before it dies...”

“So do you.” 

She chuckled threateningly through her growl..

“How w-would you know that? You stupid meatsacks can’t smell anythin’.”

“I used to hurt myself too, I know where it fucking comes from ED.”

She pulled away to meet your eyes. Her voice was throaty and dripping with condescension.

“An w-why’s that I w-wonder?”

“I thought I was a monster... and I was scared.”

Her growl came back with a vengeance. She yanked your hand away from her hair. You didn’t pull, you let her pin you down even more. You let her snap her teeth at you.

“I am a fuckin’ monster Sol!”

You snickered.

“Yeah... I really don’t think so.”

That really ticked her off. She snarled at you, exasperated. Frustrated that you wouldn't just cry and try to get away.

“For fucks sake!! W-why not?! W-why w-won’t you just fuckin’ be scared a me already?!”

“First of all... Monsters don’t need to advertise, dumbass. They don’t wear signs that say “By the way, I am a Monster, in case you were wondering.” And secondly... if you were actually gonna hurt me, you would’ve just done it the first time I pissed you off.”

“You don’t fuckin’ know that... You’ve been pushin’ an punchin’ my buttons non-fuckin’-stop Sol. Maybe I finally fuckin’ snapped! MAYBE today is the day I rip your fuckin’ throat out!!”

This was going nowhere.

You tapped into your psionics. You were still weak from yesterday but you could operate at full power if you kept it close to your body and that was all you needed.

You kept it on your hands and arms mostly, and with the element of surprise on your side, you flipped her little power play. You slammed her flat on her back, pinning her by the wrists and pushing energy out of your knees to hold her muscular legs down.

Her expression flashed through surprise, confusion and rage in a split second and you grinned your victory as she snarled and squirmed underneath you.

“Two can play this game ED! Don’t fuck with psychics.”

“I’ll fuckin’ kill you! I’m the one you don’t w-want to fuck with you pathetic meatsack!”

She lunged towards you, teeth gnashing wildly.

You laughed and met her head on, literally. You headbutted her as she lunged, using your psionics to cushion the blow from your end.

Her head snapped backwards and hit the cushions with a thump and a groan of pain.

You took the opportunity to lean your forehead against hers, using your head as the source of your power, sending tendrils of energy through her hair, around the base of her horns to pin her head down, connecting it to the energy from your hands so you could keep it up. She was only down for a split second, but it was enough to complete your mission just as she realized what was happening. ED tried to snap at you just as the energy connected and you pulled away. Her snarl of rage was unhinged.

“HOW DARE YOU!! Fuckin’- !! Let Go A ME!! LET GOLETGOLETGO!! SOL! Let go a my horns!!”

You laughed again, because she was so mad her face was the most purple you’d ever seen it.

“You gave me permission to touch them ED.”

She hissed at you, breathing heavily.

“It’s fuckin’ rescinded you ass!”

“Aww... you don’t mean that...”

“I w-w-will kill you.” she growled, low and viscous.

“Come off it. The most you’d ever do to me is what you just did. Lot’s of teeth in my face, the weird sniffing and... growling. I mean it’s getting old and it’s only been what? Five days?”

She spluttered, completely out of options now that neither of her intimidation tactics had worked since you’d been slowly but surely tightening your hold on her, manipulating your power into a web you could maintain with a few points of contact.

“You-!! I -!! Fuck you!! W-w-when you get t-tired a this you don’t ev-ven w-want to know w-what I’m gonna do to you!!”

You chuckled darkly.

“Yeah, I’ll get tired eventually, probably in a couple of hours. But in the meantime...”

You leaned close, you showed her all your teeth as you grinned at her. You brushed your nose against her cheek as you moved in to whisper in her ear.

“... You should be more worried about what I’m going to do to you ED...”

You pulled away.

Her eyes were huge, luminous. 

She gulped.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went off the rails so fast. It was really fun to write because of that, but yeah wow. It started out heavy and wound up in wild territory.  
> But my babies! They all hugged and cried and talked about stuff. I'm so proud of them. And Sollux officially gave them nicknames! And then y'know all that end stuff. That happened. I wonder how our plucky ladies are gonna sort out this pickle?


	28. Be Braver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Self Harm Mention

**Be Eridan: Be Braver**

She showed you her teeth to show her dominance. Even though they were useless, the teeth of a creature that couldn’t rip through flesh and skin and snap bones.

She was just a human. And she had rendered you completely powerless in a few short minutes.

Sol smiled at you lazily as she let go of your wrists and sat up. You expected the pressure of her weird tingly power to fade, and you tried to get up, but it didn’t and you couldn’t. You just jerked uselessly under her and she snickered.

“It’s not gonna be that easy.”

You almost whined in desperation but you caught the sound before it left your throat. You forced it into a weak growl, and she raised an eyebrow. You’d never seen her using her powers like this, the brown of her eyes had been completely obfuscated, one eye was a bright red and the other blue and the energy of it pulsed out from her eye sockets, lighting the smooth brown skin of her face eerily with both colors. You couldn’t see her pupils, you couldn’t read her expression fully. It made you uneasy.

She winked at you, with the blue eye, and you snarled in response to try and hide how unsettling you found it.

She turned her body to look behind her and you tried again to lift your head off the cushions and you tried to hide your growing panic. It was around your horns, a constant static sensation, pulling you towards the ground like she had anchored you there.

“Hey KN, I can’t really keep her in time out if I get up... so do you think you could bring me clean washcloth? A wet one.”

You forgot about Kan. He’d been sitting there the whole time and you’d just gotten so pissed you forgot about him.

“Of course. Please forgive my earlier inaction. I would not have not been able to convince her to stop harming herself without putting myself in danger and I thought it best if you handled it.”

“Yeah. I figured you were pulling something like...”

Their voices sounded pleasant. Almost... chummy. It was infuriating.

You thrashed as hard as you could, her power was like ropes across your body now, pulling you down, but you could still kind of move.

“Fuck both a you!! Kan you stupid spineless slug get her off a me!!”

“Whoa there, ED.”

You hissed at her, and she chuckled. She was straddling your waist. You had an idea. 

You decided it hadn’t come to that yet.

“Kan... Kaan! Fuckin’ help me!!” 

You couldn’t believe you’d already stooped to asking for help from Kanaya. Against a fucking human.

“Eridan, I’m afraid I can’t help you...”

“W-why the fuck not?!!”

You couldn’t see him pursing his lips in disapproval but you could feel it.

“You used some very offensive language. And I remember you promising a certain someone you wouldn’t use that word again.”

Your jaw dropped. You couldn’t not believe he was holding that over your head right now.

You changed your tone.

“Kan please. I w-was just upset... I know I let you down but I didn’t mean to say those things. It just kinda came out in the heat a the moment... an I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know why you’re apologizing to me.” He said coolly.

You groaned as you heard him stand up and start to walk out of the room. You could only kind of see him over Sol, and you tried again to break free. To get him to look at you.

“Kan! I thought... I thought You Lov-ved Me!!”

He chuckled and your heart sank. 

“I do.”

“... W-w-w-well fuck you too...! Stupid jerk!!” you hollered after him as he disappeared.

Sol smirked at you, pressing one hand firmly on your stomach, just under your breasts.

“How you doing down there, ED?”

“Great! Fuckin’ Fantastic! How about you go back to callin’ me Ampora, thanks!” 

You gnashed your teeth at her to try to emphasize your point.

“So salty...”

“I’m gonna fuck you up so bad Sol! I’m gonna make you w-w-wish you were nev-ver fuckin born!!”

Sol chuckled, shifting her weight on top of you, pressing her knees into your sides.

“Ok... You wanna elaborate on that or...?”

You forced yourself to think of something gruesome.

“I’m - I’m gonna pluck your fuckin’ freak eyeballs out an eat them in front a you!! One at a time!!”

“Hm. You’ll have to tell me if they taste different from each other.”

You snorted a laugh despite yourself and Sol grinned at you stretching her arms out behind her back before she rested her hand on your stomach again. There was still some of your blood on her face.

“I knew you’d start seeing the humor in this situation sooner or later.”

You were livid. This was absolutely humiliating. 

“This is not fuckin’ funny! It’s the exact fuckin’ opposite of funny!”

“It’s like, objectively funny.”

“But it’s...” 

You could not believe you were going to try this. You bit your bottom lip. You tried to make your eyes look sad.

“... It’s startin’ to h-hurt Sol...”

She cocked her head. You couldn’t decipher her expression.

“... your scar...?”

You nodded, like you were too embarrassed to say it out loud.

“Oh shit...! I’m so sorry ED...! I’ll get off you. Are you ok?”

She leaned forward and you felt some of her weight lift off you. You thought you were almost free.

“Pysch!”

She pressed back down and blew a violent raspberry on your stomach, ticking your sides with her psionics simultaneously. You scream-laughed in surprise, thrashing pointlessly as you laughed. She pulled away grinning wickedly.

“Holy shit you’re ticklish!”

“No! NO! I’m not-”

“Oh you’re not?”

Her powers danced across your sides again, and you burst into giggles again. Cursing yourself all the while. 

“Sool...! Stop!” 

She did so, snickering all the while. You had to take a moment to catch your breath, try to find your resolve. You couldn’t let her win.

“Sol I’m.. I’m serious about the scar... it hurts... You ave to let me go.”

“Except that’s not how it works ED.”

“Touch it then, I’ll show you!”

“Fine.” She slid her hand under your robe, pressed her fingers on the scar.

“OWW!”

She raised an eyebrow. You could see the amusement in her eyes even without her pupils.

“Oww?” 

Crap. You hadn’t sold it.

“... Ouch?”

“Ok, I feel like maybe you don’t remember how screaming works.”

“Sooool!!”

“Whining is not the same thing as screaming.”

“Let me go!!”

“Not until you promise me to never hurt yourself intentionally again.”

“W-what...?”

“You heard me.”

“You - you can’t do this forever!”

“I’m sure I could convince KN to help.”

You growled and squirmed.

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“I hate w-when he tries to take care a me...” you muttered, forcing your eyes away from her.

“Maybe you should take better care of yourself then.”

“Shut up asshole! You ave no idea! About any a this!”

“No, I don’t.”

You weren't sure how to respond to that. You just stared at her and she stared back until she sighed.

“Look, I don’t know exactly what happened. But it’s pretty fucking clear you blame yourself for it. And maybe you should. I mean, it’s not like I know the specifics. But even if it is your fault... You can’t keep punishing yourself for it. It’s just gonna hurt the people you care about to see you do that... and it’s not going to make you feel better.”

Your eyes felt hot and you hissed. You weren’t going to fucking cry again. Absolutely not.

“H-how the fuck do you know?! You d-don’t - you don’t fuckin’ understand Sol!”

She leaned back, scratched her head nonchalantly. Her hand was still pressed against your scar, on your bare skin. 

“I hurt someone once. Really badly. It was in defense... and in some ways it was justified, but it just... it felt so fucking good to retaliate. And that scared the shit out of me. I was so sure that... no one would ever forgive me for it. That it meant I was horrible and dangerous and the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. I started punishing myself for it, like what you were doing. Even though my family told me that it was ok, and that they still loved me after I fucked up... I couldn’t believe them. I refused to.”

You didn’t want to hear this. You thrashed underneath her desperately, and she chuckled softly.   
“ED, just fucking accept I won already.”

“Nev-ver!”

She shook her head, a crooked smile twisting her lips.

“Anyways... I did that for like... half a year? Or so. And then I made a friend online. And he became my best friend somehow. I’d never had a best friend and that scared me too. So one night... I told him everything, about being a psychic and my family, and ghosts and monsters and almost killing that kid, to try and get him to stop talking to me. I didn’t think I deserved him.”

“... Did he?”

She grinned at you and you flushed. You didn’t mean to get invested in this story.

“No. It turned out that he was a fuckin’ psychic kid too. I mean, he still is. We’re still friends.”

You blinked. That was not where you thought this was going at all.

“And y’know he’s not as strong as me... he has different powers and different problems. But all I had to do to get him to understand was try. And everytime I did... some of the pain would go away. And eventually I sacked up and told my family what I was doing and then I... I got help and I figured out how to live with what I did... That’s how I know ED.”

“Sol...”

She leaned closer.

“Are you going to cry now?”

You couldn’t shake your head, your horns were still pinning you down. You were trying so hard not to.

“N-no.”

“You need to figure out how to live with what you did.”

That did it. Tears cascaded down your face and you swore. 

“I know you can.”

“N-no! Nonono,y-you d-don’t fuckin’ understand! I killed so m-many d-demons! I k-killed fuckin’ thousands a them Sol! I - I k-killed Tav! I c-c-couldn’t sav-ve them, I c-couldn’t sav-ve Fef! I almost - almost d-d-destroyed ev-verythin’!!”

Her face remained calm, impassive. Her eyes seemed to glow fiercer through your tears.

“And yet you have the audacity to keep living.”

You sobbed, you couldn’t move, you wanted to scream.

Sol pressed her forehead against your own, gently, sweetly.

“That makes you pretty fucking brave.”

“No no nononononooo I’m not...!”

“But you can be braver.”

“Fuck you!!”

“Promise me.”

“I c-can’t!”

“ED... you have to.”

You wailed, you thrashed, you hated this.

“W-why?!”

“Because every time you do that, all it does is push someone who could have understood farther away. It’s hurts KN and it would hurt Feferi if he knew, and it fucking hurts me.”

You whimpered, you took a rough gasping breath. She hadn’t pulled away. Her head was still pressed against yours, her hands were cupping your face. Her psionics were still holding you tight. Why wouldn’t she just leave you alone?

“Soool...”

“Promise me.”

You sobbed. How could you? After all that you’d done, how could you?

“It’s alright, if you’re in pain... if it takes awhile to forgive yourself... it doesn’t make you weak. You just have to keep trying. You have to try to grow.”

You remembered the 67th time you’d dueled Fef. 

You’d been fighting for almost 20 hours, he broke your arm and then your leg and you couldn’t get up. You were furious. You had to win. 

He had picked you up easily, even though you were still trying to fight him with your one arm. You were too drained to do any magic.

_ “Hey Eri... y’know, it’s ok, if you can’t fight anymore... it doesn’t make you weak. It just means you have limits! I promise. It’s ok to lose, because you can always get stronger and try again. That’s how we grow. ” _

You had cried then too. And then, for the first time in years, you had admitted defeat.

“Please... please promise me.”

You hated growing.

You just wanted to be strong already. 

You tried to breathe, to find the part of you that would hold up to Sol’s expectations.

“I p-p-promise you... I w-won’t hurt myself again Sol... I promise!”

She grinned at you.

“Good job ED. Thanks...”

She closed her eyes and collapsed on top of you. The energy that held you dissipated instantly.

You started panicking instantly.

“Sol?!”

“Hnngh...”

You realized, sort of belatedly, that you could move again, and you pushed her off you gently, rolling her to the side and peering at her face with concern. Resisting the urge to shake her by the shoulders till she opened her eyes.

“Sol are you ok?!”

She groaned softly, before her eyes flickered open. They were brown again.

“...yeah... jesus, you are just... really fucking strong...”

You flushed a little.

“How the fuck did you not know that by now?!” 

“Ugh... I knew... I just underestimated you... I’m not doing that again unless I’m at full strength... I almost passed out....”

“I’m not lettin’ you do that again fuckin’ ever asshole!”

She snickered.

“We’ll see...”

“You-!”

You shook your head and laughed, you were still kind of crying.

“You’re so fuckin’ stubborn...!”

She sat up a little, she looked exhausted.

“... you’re one to talk.”

You looked away, you wiped your eyes uselessly on your forearm. The tears were not dissuaded.

“Sol... I’m... I’m sorry...”

“Mhm... for what?”

You heaved a rough shuddery sob. 

“F-for attackin’ you, an yellin’ at you, an callin’ you a meatsack an - an p-pretendin’ like I w-was gonna hurt you w-when you’ve been been nothin’ b-but fuckin’ nice to me...! I’m so... I’m so fuckin’ sorry...!”

“... I forgive you.”

She reached for you. You collapsed against her, she wrapped her arm around your waist as she fell back again. You buried your face in her shoulder and bawled until you fell asleep.

**Be Sollux: Tired**

You were so fucking tired. 

As soon as ED was in your arms, crying her eyes out, you could barely keep your eyes open. It had taken almost all of your energy to hold down like that.

You stroked her hair as she wailed against you. You didn’t mind though. She needed someone to hold her down and make her swallow her pride, and you were just strong enough to finish the job. You were glad you got the satisfaction of watching her choke it down. It was worth it.

But holy shit.

You were so tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo yo. This was also fun to write. Hope y'all enjoy!


	29. Clown

**Be Kanaya: Clown**

You felt useless and a little jealous. 

Sollux had shown unprecedented ease dealing with Eridan. She seemed to be able to just push through her walls like they were made of something... easy to push over, not ice and stone as you had so often found them to be. 

You waited patiently outside the door, watching the events inside through a little scrying portal you had created in case things got out of control.

You wanted to help. 

But you couldn’t help. You weren’t physically strong enough, you didn’t have the correct relationship with her, the right angle necessary to pry the safe of her heart open. You were mixing your metaphors up.

You were jealous.

But you appreciated Sollux nonetheless. Her willingness to take matters into her own hands. When she had claimed her feelings for Eridan were against her will it had taken all your restraint not to laugh. Her behavior suggested the complete opposite.

Her behavior suggested that she cared rather a lot, and that she chose to do so, even if she didn’t understand why.

Her behavior suggested that she was about to lose her reservations completely in a matter of weeks or even days.

It had only been days.

And yet there they were. Crawling all over each other, staunchly pretending that attraction had nothing to do with it, half heartedly feigning indifference like their respective affections hadn’t blossomed violently overnight. 

What an absolute comedy of errors. How delightful the clumsy dance of idiots and fools.

It begged the question. What role did you play in this charade? 

Which clown were you?

  
  


**Be An Ectologist: No Way Dawg**

You were busy spitting fire, with some half-baked rhymes, over-cooked witticism and a perfectly scheduled flow. No city bus line could compete with your perfect timing. No American one anyways.

You were rapping about the inevitable heat death of the universe and you didn’t have time for narrative shenanigans. You had to lay this track and shower the sweat of a hard days work off your maddeningly hot bod, and then fuck right out the window to your fifth job. You were an occupational wizard and you had oodles of commitments to uphold. You had armfuls of commitments, and yet you juggled them all with ease because you were just that fucking cool.

You finished your last line and allowed yourself a tiny smile as you stopped recording.

This was gonna blow Jade’s fucking mind.

**Be A Different Ectologist: Uh Sure, But Just For A Bit Though**

Nono had been following you around all day. While you tried to catch up on your youtube playlist, while you picked half heartedly at your laundry. While you scoured local news sites for hauntings or other spooky bullshit to investigate. All day.

You had been doing your best to ignore him, but he would not let up. Floating behind you, chucking and humming and suggesting time and time again that you should really bake a cake together for your friends. “Blah blah blah surely they would love another confection... blah blah... cake is wonderful... blah.”

Finally you spun around to face your familiar household specter.

“Arrgh! I don’t want to bake a cake! No one wants cake again! There’s only so much cake human beings can enjoy Nono!”

He smiled at you, dapper and charming and old man cute. God, you were sick of his mug. You still loved him, but man, sometimes you just needed some space. And privacy. And spaaace.

“Hoo hoo hoo! If you say so... Let’s make something else then!”

“I’m pretty sure no one wants cupcakes, or muffins, or pies, or any other sweet bread-y treat. Why can’t we just make something savory or once?”

He beamed, his translucent face becoming slightly more solid with his excitement.

“Oh hoo, I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to ask! I’ve been waiting for ages to pull out all the savory stops!”

You face palmed. You took a legitimate, unironic palm to your face.

You were so fucking dumb.

  
  


**Be The Other Other Ectologist: I’ve Been Waiting For These Narrative Shenanigans To Catch Up To My Elusive Hide. Enjoy Being Me Reader, And Please... Leave Your Shoes On The Mat Outside My Consciousness.**

You put your hand on the bowling ball. 

_“My name is Ross LaLonde. I seek to make contact with those in the veil or beyond. Any news is appreciated. Speak NOW!”_

You hated bowling, but it was a gift from your dad. Such loathsome gifts were only ammo in a fierce war of cruel ironic one-upmanship that had spanned the last 22 years of your life.

You got the rare joy of knowing you ended this particular chain of aggression by using it’s dark shiny surface as your crystal ball of sorts. Therefore turning your despise to genuine appreciation and halting any ironic tangents that could arise from such a shitty gift.

It certainly worked better than any of the cheap store-bought ones that had littered your dad’s absurdly large house when you lived there.

Nothing responded. You almost removed your hand.

_Hello Ross._

You frowned and took your hand away, not that it would do any good. She was in your head now.

_“Not you. I don’t have time for your meandering expositional platitudes and witty half truths today.”_

_You’ve been thinking about your father rather a lot lately. Have you thought about giving him a call?_

_“The fact that you keep trying to use facts that almost anyone could know about me to suggest you can read my mind is so childish. Nevertheless. Perhaps I can move past it. What delightful rabbit hole would you like to lead me down today? How can I assist you in convincing me that you, oh faceless entity who speaks so eloquently and loquaciously in the echoey cavern of my simple human mind, are the solution to all my deepest problems and festering insecurities?”_

You got up from the table and covered the ball with a doily you had crocheted. It came out looking more like a tentacled monster than a traditional doily, but you weren’t that great at crochet. You had just tried it to humor Joan and her genuine gift giving acumen.

_Oh, I assure you, reading your mind is of little interest to me. I could, if I so choose, pursue the endless bland catalogue of mortal trifle that resides in your dome. But I have better things to do. Such as, as a friend, suggest you call your father. And perhaps thank him for all that he has given you._

_“You seem oddly fixated on my paternal influences. Is this because, as a creature of the veil, you have no such lineage? No broad shoulder to cry on when your date stood you up for Omnipotent Asshole Prom? No one to mock you and your interests relentlessly and coldly even from afar? Do you wake up suddenly at night in a cold sweat and cry out “Daddy dearest? Where are you?!” ”_

You put the kettle on and pulled your laptop from it’s knitted cozy on your desk. You needed to remind everyone to come in today to discuss Sollux’s demon problem. She hadn’t responded to your earlier messages at all. You decided to message her sister. She was much less prone to falling off the face of the earth.

_... I do think, given that little speech, it is you who wakes in the middle of the night and cries for the return of “Daddy Dearest”._

_“Of course. But I’m not in denial about my daddy issues, I embrace them. This is about you.”_

_Hmm... I admit, I have wondered what it would be like to grow old and die in a sack of meat, but who hasn’t? And after seeing so many interesting souls polished to perfection and then pounded to a pulp, I came to the conclusion my immortality has been a much more preferable experience._

You finished typing your messages to the group chat and to Mituna.

_“That sounds exactly what an Omnipotent being would say if it was feeling jaded about it’s Omnipotence.”_

_My pronouns are she/her. Please do not boil my personage down to that of an object._

_“I’m sorry, that was rude. It won’t happen again.”_

Mituna was replying. She was sending a lot of messages. The kettle started screaming and you got up to take it from the stove, slopping the hot water over your waiting tea bag hurriedly.

_Apology accepted. And perhaps I am jaded. I have existed since the two planes collided and birthed the third. Hmm... Does that make me the second child I wonder?_

You returned to your computer to read the rest of the messages.

_“I’m sorry... I’m a bit distracted at the moment, perhaps you could tell me why you are calling and we could skip the rest of our usual pointless banter today?”_

_I have already told you the reason why Ross. Call your father tonight, after you take care of your distractions. I promise you won’t regret it._

_“May I ask why?”_

_I’ll let you go now. Give Sollux my regards!_

_“Wait-!”_

Her voice was gone, your thoughts disconnected from hers, slamming inside your skull.

You had such a terrible headache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuffs a happenin'. I've been re-reading homestuck and I honestly forgot how much I love the beta kids. They're all good eggs. Also I like erased the fact that Jade is canonically a furry from my brain and lost my shit when I saw all the posters of wolf people in her room.


	30. No Regrets

**Be Eridan: No Regrets**

You woke up suddenly, hours later, completely out of it. Shooting up out of Sol’s grasp as the events of the day muddled in your mind.

Sol groaned and stretched underneath you, one eye opening to a slit. 

You made a noise. Somewhere between panic and embarrassment. Her arm was still half on your waist.

“Nnngh... five more minutesth ED...”

She tightened her grip around you and pulled you back down. You didn’t resist, even as you felt your face shoot up violently in temperature.

Sol rolled towards you with a sigh and slipped right back into her slumber. You could tell by the way she breathed, slow and deep. You had really worn her out.

You couldn’t help but feel like you didn’t deserve this. You’d treated her something awful, and basically completely humiliated yourself in the process, but here she was cuddling with you. Like you hadn’t just been threatening her life loudly and repeatedly.

You would have to make it up to her somehow.

Hopefully Kan could help you because you had no fucking clue how to do that.

You wondered if Kan was still around. He never came back with the washcloth. You weren’t even sure what that was about in the first place. You let your awareness drift away from Sol and the rhythm of her breathing to try and hear if he was anywhere near you.

You could hear noise downstairs, more than one person. Faint voices you didn’t recognize.

You tried harder to hear them and puzzle them out. From this distance you couldn’t make out words, but you figured out there were three voices you didn’t recognize mixed in with Kan and Tuna’s.

This seemed like a really shit time to have guests over.

Your stomach rumbled loudly and you tried to quell the hungry gnawing at your insides. That was easy enough, you were used to putting off eating. You also had to pee, which was a bodily urge that was harder to ignore. You lay there as still as you could and hoped it would go away. 

It did not go away.

Finally you really couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Hey Sol...?”

She moved her head against you ever so slightly.

“Mmrgh...?”

“Sol, I ave to pee.”

She didn’t respond. You shook her arm gently.

“ Hey... Sol.”

Her arm squeezed you tighter.

“...that’sth what you thaid latht time...”

You were unable to keep the irritation out of your voice.

“First a all, I didn’t specify last time. An your fiv-ve minutes are w-well fuckin’ up.”

She grumbled something indistinct.

“W-what was that?”

“I thaid... fiiine...”

She loosened her grip on you and you pulled away. You could’ve broken away if you needed to, with little to no effort, but you still felt bad about how aggressive you’d been towards her earlier. You didn’t want to be like that anymore.

You rushed out of the room to the bathroom as soon as you extracted yourself completely. Crashing fully into the human coming out of the little room as you tried to make it before it was too late. The human looked absolutely terrified. You didn’t have time for niceties though, you yanked them as gently as you could out of the way by the arm.

“S’cuse me.”

They opened their mouth dumbly and you pushed past them to the bathroom and took the longest piss of your life. You could hear the human hyperventilating outside and you hoped Kan wouldn’t get mad at you for scaring them.

Sol was waiting for you as you opened the door again, clearly in dire straights herself.

You stepped out the way quickly, and she gave you a sharp grateful nod before she shut the door. Leaving you and the stranger to stare at each other in the hall.

You suspected glamouring yourself at this point would just make things more awkward.

You gave them a little wave, and their blue eyes grew wider behind their glasses.

“H-hello... I’m Eridan Ampora. She/her pronouns. Are you a friend a Sol’s?”

“Ummm...Y-yeah... Hey. Joan Eg-Egbert.”

Suddenly Sol yanked the bathroom door open violently, clearly furious.

“JN there better be a really good fucking reason you’re here or I’m gonna take all your shitty movie posters and shred them! Every fucking one.”

Joan laughed nervously.

“Let’s not be too hasty here... It’s not just me, everyone’s here. Mituna-”

“Godfuckingdamnit!”

She spun around into the bathroom and slammed the door.

She opened the door again immediately.

“I Just Wanted ONE Fucking Day! Is that so much to ask for?!”

She slammed it again.

You and Joan shared a glance that spoke volumes.

She opened the door again.

“One! Fucking! Day!” 

Joan stepped forward before she slammed the door and grabbed the handle.

“Hey, no one could get a hold of you! You were supposed to come to headquarters today and like... tell us stuff.”

Sol glared at her venomously. She flicked a tiny bead of psionic energy at her hand, and Joan let go of the handle as it shocked her. She slammed the door again and you could hear her cussing nonstop behind it.

“Hey... Joan...? W-why don’t you go downstairs... an w-we’ll catch up with you...” 

They looked a little nervous and lost but nodded their agreement.

“Gotcha. Um sorry about earlier, you just startled me is all. Kanaya looks like a... well he disguised himself as a human I think.”

“It’s alright. That’s considered the polite thing to do in mixed company anyw-ways... Can I get your pronouns Joan, I don’t w-want to be rude.”

“Oh! Sure. She/her too.”

“Thanks. It’s nice to meet ya.”

“No problem... and you too! Good luck with getting Sollux to calm down.”

You sighed.

“Yeah... thanks. I’ll fuckin’ need it.” 

She chuckled and retreated down the hallway. You waited until you couldn’t see her anymore before you knocked on the door.

“Hey Sol...”

“Fuck off.”

“She’s your... friend... right...?”

It was quiet for a long moment.

“... Yeah.”

“Can I come in?”

“... yes.”

Her voice sounded strangely small.

You opened the door to find her sitting in the bathtub, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees. 

You shut the door behind you.

“Sol w-what the fuck w-was that about?”

“... I’m tired...”

“W-well then tell her an w-whoever else to come back later. Or I mean I can do that for you. Or I can ask Kan to.”

She groaned and buried her head in her arms.

“I forgot I was supposed to go... talk to them today. Because yesterday happened and then fucking today happened. And I... forgot. And now they’re here.”

“... Are you mad they came to check on you...? Or are you mad at yourself cause your first instinct w-was to be mad at them for comin’ to check on you?”

Sol let out a quick laugh without lifting her head.

“Both.”

You folded your arms over your chest and leaned against the counter.

“Get ov-ver it.”

“Suck my dick ED.” she snapped immediately.

You laughed, low and quiet. Mocking.

“I’m sorry Sol, but I don’t go dow-wn on just anybody.”

“Oh, let me guess... Only with the right person. In the right situation.”

“No, I just don’t like the taste a mopey fuckin’ jerks.”

She snickered and shifted her head just enough to meet your eyes..

“You know... you’re kind of a bitch.”

“You’re kinda a mopey fuckin’ jerk.”

She looked away again.

“Be still my heart.”

“Sol... I don’t know how friendship w-works up here... but in Hell, if a friend hunts you dow-wn cause they couldn’t get ahold a ya for a day, you marry that son of a bitch platonically right then an there.”

“... MT brought them here.”

“W-why is that bad exactly?”

“Because I suck at this. And I’m tired. And they’re... They’re nice people and I’m not.”

“God... you’re such a fuckin’ baby sometimes...”

“Don’t start that fucking shit with me again, ED.”

“Nice people care about other nice people, dumbass.”

“I’m not-”

“Shut up Sol! Don’t fuckin’ say it, or I swear to god I’ll-.”

“You’ll what?! You’ll bite me?”

You snarled.

“I sw-wear to god I’ll go down there an scare the fuckin’ shit outta a them.”

“Wha-”

You let your voice drop lower, you let your growl color your words.

“An I really don’t giv-ve a fuck if I hurt them or not, so they might lose some appendages in the process, but I’ll make damn fuckin’ sure they w-won’t be comin’ back around here again. That’s w-what you want, right?”

She stared at you for a long moment, her eyes were huge.

She swallowed hard and shook her head no.

“Ok, message received. I need to get my shit together and... appreciate that they fucking care.”

You grinned.

“There you go. Now you get to keep your friends.”

“Thanks, I... uh, like them.” 

Sol flushed and covered her face with her hands.

“Umm... Sorry I... I just threw a huge fucking tantrum. Holy shit, that’s...that’s really fucking embarrassing.”

You laughed.

“Sol... I literally just threw a bigger one, like ten times fuckin’ bigger, so I think you get a free pass. You got one free pass to be a mopey fuckin’ jerk. An this w-was it.”

She snickered softly and climbed out of the bathtub.

“Yeah... Well, don’t worry, ED I’ll get back to being an asshole before you know it. .

“That’s good. I like you better w-when you’re being an asshole anyw-ways.”

“... you would.”

She smirked at you and you looked away, you felt your cheeks heat up.

“So... am I gonna meet your friends now?”

“I guess so. We should probably clean the blood- huh.”

Sol stared at your arm

“W-what?”

You hazarded a glance at your arm. It was clean, You looked at her face and the flecks of your blood had disappeared.

“Seems like KN came back with that washcloth after all.”

“Oh... is that w-what that was about?”

“Uh yeah? I wasn’t just trying to kick him out, I wanted to clean you up a little.”

“Oh.”

Fuck your face felt hot. She was smirking at you again.

“Yeah, ED.”

“Ok, I get it! Are w-we done? Can we fuckin’ go now?”

“Yep. Let’s...” she sighed heavily.

“... let’s get this over with.”

“Hold on... let me glamour myself, since w-we aren’t tryin’ to scare them aw-way apparently.”

You dredged up some magic to disguise yourself. You were really low on energy so you were pretty sure it was a terrible glamour, but it was better than nothing.

“You’re not that scary.”

You scoffed and turned to open the door.

“Sol, if that Joan person hadn’t just used the bathroom she probably w-woulda pissed herself.”

She grinned wickedly and followed you out into the hall.

“Does it make me a bad person if I think that’s fucking hilarious?”

“I really don’t think I’m qualified to judge your morality, seein’ as I’m a demon an all.. but yeah, a little bit.”

Sol laughed and grabbed one of your horns, making you lurch to a stop and turn towards her.

“You’re fully qualified to judge me, ED. It’s only fair at this point.”

You flushed violently.

“Fuckin’ fine then! I’ll judge the shit outta you!”

She let go of your horn and slipped in front of you with a grin.

“Good.”

You watched her walk away, your tail flicking aggressively against your legs, trying to get your face under control. She was such an asshole. Such a stupid, confident fucking asshole. Giving her permission to touch your horns had turned out to be a mistake that you weren’t actually regretting for some reason.

For some stupid reason, you didn’t regret anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol.


	31. Chump Change

**Be Kanaya: Chump Change**

You waited till you were sure the two of them were asleep before you entered the room. Neither of them woke, even when you started scrubbing the dull violet of Eridan’s blood from her arm and Sollux’s face. You knew why Sollux was so far gone, she had barely recovered from her uncontrolled outburst yesterday, and holding someone as physically strong as Eridan down took a great deal of strength. Certainly more strength than you had. You suspected in Eridan’s case it was just emotional exhaustion. She wasn’t used to the range and strength of her emotions, and the scene you had just witnessed would have been draining for anyone, but for her it was tenfold.

You were also exhausted. You didn’t want to leave your charges but you needed to sleep. You had only squeezed a few hours in before you had come back to earth and you wanted to go back to your own pile of soft things and never leave.

You stepped out of the room and called Mituna to see if she could watch the house for the time being so you could go home and take a nap.

She aquised immediately, and as soon as she walked in the doorway and you had expressed your gratitude you snapped off the mortal plane.

You slipped through the veil with practiced ease, reappearing on the private transportalizer pad in your home. You didn’t bother to disrobe, just staggered to your own pile of cushions and blankets and various animal hides and burrowed deep.

Sleep came easily.

Your dreams did not.

You woke up hours later, your phone beeping and vibrating against your legs. You extracted and apologized to it, though you knew it wasn’t capable of understanding such things. It uncurled dutifully in your hand and you scrolled through your messages, of which there were many. You sighed and started digging yourself out of your pile. You wished someone had warned you before you took this job that you were never going to have a moment's peace again.

But it was a small price to pay.

Compared to the price Eridan was paying, it was chump change.

**Be Sollux: It’s the Freudian Slip Police (Fuck The Police!)**

ED caught up to you as you were walking down the stairs. 

“Sol... there’s food!”

You could smell it too, there was something meaty down there.

“Yep. Maybe we’ll even get to eat some...”

“W-what do mean, maybe?”

You stopped at the foot of the stairs, you took a deep breath to try and steel yourself. ED was so close behind you, you could feel her breath on your back. You were so tired. You did not want to deal with this.

You stepped out from the foot of the stairs, into the kitchen, with ED right behind you.

“Hey she’s up!”

You gave MT a forced sarcastic smile. Like they all hadn’t just heard you flipping your shit upstairs.

JN and RS were leaning against the counter with MT. DV was sitting on top of it. KN was standing against the refrigerator, holding a bowl of something he was clearly eating.

“Been up for a bit. What are you all doing here?”

“Well, given your elusiveness the last few days I reached out to Mituna and she invited us over.” RS spoke slowly, with measured amusement.

You shot a quick glare at MT and she looked away nonchalantly. Goddamn motherfucking evil twin.

“Right. Well, I’m fine. So if you guys maybe wanted to come back later...?”

“...but the food!”

Eridan tugged on your shirt insistently, and you remembered she was still behind you. You tried to control the heat building in your cheeks. 

JN grinned goofily.

“Oh yeah dude! I found out today my Nono can cook things that aren’t disgustingly sweet. We made shepherd's pie. Do you want some? I heard you guys have been asleep for like 5 hours so you’re probably hungry.”

“Soool...” She whined softly behind you, tugging at the hem of your shirt again.

You sighed. You were fucking starving. And you knew ED would be so mad if she didn’t get to try something new that she could already smell.

“Yeah, ok.”

You reached behind you and pulled ED out of the shadows. You had no idea what she looked like glamoured, but you assumed human enough to not freak anyone out.

“This is Eridan...”

JN squinted and adjusted her glasses.

“Whoa... no offense, but you’re kind of hard to look at.”

ED stiffened. You could feel how nervous and on edge she was. She wanted to make a good impression.  
“W-what’s that supposed to mean? You saw me upstairs.”

DV leaned forward frowning.

“I can’t look at you either. Straight up. My eyes slide off you like hot butter on a skillet.” 

KN set his bowl down on the counter.

“... I do believe your glamour is too weak to be effective at the moment. If it’s amenable to everyone you might consider dropping it for the time being.”

Eridan looked lost and flustered. You touched her shoulder briefly to try and reassure her.

“RS... you can see her already, and JN already has. DV you cool with that?”

“Yeah. Let’s do this.”

“W-wait w-what’s happenin’?”

“ED just drop your fucking glamour.”

She huffed, and the faint shimmer around her body faded away.

DV slipped off the counter in shock, barely catching herself and you laughed.

She straightened up immediately. Feigning her composure.

“... ok. Yeah. That’s a demon.”

ED growled softly, tail flicking between her legs.

“You’re still glamoured though...” RS stepped forward, towards her, and her big yellow eyes got bigger, her growl got louder.

“There’s something on your neck.”

You stepped in between them, before ED tried to bite him.

“RS.”

He smiled at you, his eyes were unreadable.

“It’s good to see you up and about Sollux.”

“Yeah. Can I talk to you?”

“Of course.”

“Great. KN, please, feed her before she hangry bites someone’s nose off.”

You grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the kitchen, into the room that in your house was your mom’s room, but here it was empty.

You slammed the light switch on and shut the door before you turned to face him.

“Why the fuck are you here?”

“I told you. I spoke to Mituna, or rather she gave me a rather distressing summary of events and the others and I agreed we should go check on you.”

“Yeah, yeah you’re all concerned. Why are _you_ here?”

He was silent for a minute. Deciding what he was going to tell you.

“There is a being I have been in contact with... for some time.”

Your eyes widened.

“You think it’s the same one as the one I dreamed about?”

“She. Yes, I do believe so. She told me to give you her regards, before I came here. She’s been also insisting that I call my dad tonight, for some unknown and probably cruel reason.”

“... Look... I don’t get your whole, ironic animosity, with him, but he’s the reason we can even do all the shit we’ve been doing. I’m not saying you have to... but, I don’t know. Maybe you should?”

“I don’t need your advice Sollux. I’m just warning you, her motives are unknown and most likely sinister, and you should be careful trying to replicate what you saw her do in your vision.”

You snorted derisively.

“Don’t fucking worry about it. I probably won’t ever be strong enough to do that. I’m just grasping at straws. Let me grasp.”

“Speaking of grasping...”

“Ugh.”

“You seem to be rather touchy with your demon fiance.”

“...”

Crap.

“You gave her a nickname.”

“...” 

Fuck.

“Are you just going to deny what we all just witnessed with our own eyes? That gentle touch of reassurance you just gave her?”

You sighed and scrubbed at your warm face.

“... No.”

“What happened? The last time we spoke you seemed staunchly against this, even over text you didn’t express a shift in your attitude towards her. Mituna could barely explain what happened to you yesterday.”

“I only just got an explanation, ok?”

“And that is?”

“This evil bitch Doc Scratch, wired our souls together. And I didn’t reject the connection, so we’re stuck together unless something happens to her. Like if she dies or her soul gets corrupted.”

Ross stared at you, horror plainly visible on his face.

“It’s not as bad as it sounds. It’s helping her be less... demony. But I can’t fucking help but care about her... I was freaking out about yesterday, and then I got into this kind of... argument with KN and I tapped into her pain through our bond and I thought I was dying. So I passed out. For a really long time.”

“Her pain...?”

“She’s always in pain. I don’t know if I should tell you why... but it’s fucking awful.”

“What about today?”

“We had to talk about stuff. KN literally found out about the soul bullshit last night so he told us about that. And then I found out some stuff... about why she... decided to risk her humanity and her existence to be part of this shitty deal and we kind of had a fight. But not really. It took all my energy and she cried a lot and we ended up passing out again.”

He gave you a calculating look.

“What’s she hiding on her neck?”

“I guess... when she got, uh... convicted? For whatever the fuck it is she did, they took her magic away. They carved all these symbols into her neck. I’m pretty sure KN is the one maintaining that disguise though. I mean, you saw... ED can barely glamour herself.”

“Hmm...”

“I know it’s crazy. But I promise I’m ok and she’s not dangerous. Not to me at least. Also you should know... the contract route is a bust. KN didn’t make it and there are clauses in it that stop Sai from talking about specifics. So... yeah, I’m out of ideas.”

“There may yet be a way out of this. But it will certainly take a while to uncover if we can’t learn the true details of the contract your mother signed, and there is of course...”

“What?”

“....There is the possibility that you don’t want to get out of it at all.”

You flushed violently.

“Especially if your demon would come to harm in the process.”

“... I don’t want to hurt her... but that doesn’t mean I want to marry her either...”

“But you do consider her _your_ demon?”

“RS!”

“What? I’m just feeling out your attachment level...”

“Well knock it off. It’s none of your fucking business.”

“Alright... I’m always here if you want to talk...”

“...God, you sound like KN...”

“You seem rather fond of him too.”

“He grew on me. Despite my determination to hate him at all costs for hurting ED... he’s actually a good guy. He’s like her brother.”

“I really can’t wait until you stop being vague about the details of this story...”

“Might be awhile. I’m still fuzzy on the goddamn premise.”

“It certainly sounds interesting.”

“Yup. Earliest convenience. I’ll let you know. Can we go and eat now? I’m starving. This is the second day in a row I ate a shit breakfast and then slept through most of the day.”

“You’re the one who wanted to have this conversation.”

“You’re the one who forced me into it. What kind of idiot tries to psychoanalyze a fucking demon?”

“I haven’t even gotten to psychoanalyzing her yet. I was just investigating the glamour on her neck.”

“Yeah, well don’t fucking do that. Unless you want her to try and bite your face off. In which case wait a few days so I’m strong enough to give you a half hour or so to escape her rage.”

“Is she really that strong?”

“Yeah. I mean, I have no idea how strong she actually is, but she’s at least that strong. ED is pretty scared of hurting me, so our wrestling match was... inconclusive. Even though I won.”

He smirked at you.

“You're telling me you _won_ a wrestling match with _your_ demon?”

You spun around to hide your face and get out of this conversation for good.

“Shut up. Not everything is a goddamn innuendo and I’m done talking about this. I’m leaving!”

You left the room, with RS on your heels and made your way back to the kitchen.

ED was polishing off a bowl of the shepherd's pie at the counter and she looked distinctly more at ease, though that probably had as much to do with KN being there as it did with the food.

She glared at RS as soon as she saw him and her tail did it’s little irritated flick.

“Yo, is that bad boy prehensile?”

She turned to DV, who was inspecting her tail with interest.

“Is my w-what w-what?”

“Can you do the monkey thing?”

“Uhh...”

Kanaya answered for her.

“Our tails are not prehensile... they could not support out full weight nor be used to grab things but we can exercise a great deal of control over them when necessary. They are mostly used as a way to ensure distance between unwanted parties and oneself, as they are usually... barbed.”

Joan leaned over the counter to get a look at it. You moved to the cupboards to get a bowl and dig into the casserole dish on the stove.

“Yours looks like a heart. Doesn’t seem like it would do much damage.”

“It’s not a heart!”

You snickered.

“Trust me. It used to be stabbier.”

She spun towards you.

“I nev-ver stabbed you.”

“You did a little bit.”

“That was barely a pinprick! An you shock me on purpose w-which is more than I’ve ev-ver done to you.”

You took your bowl and sat on the floor. You were too tired to stand.

“You’ve tried and threatened to bite me on multiple occasions ED...”

She flushed and looked away.

“Excludin’ that... an I said I’m sorry Sol.”

“I know. And I told you I forgive you.”

You took a few bites, before you spoke again.

“By the way, Ross LaLonde, Eridan Ampora.”

She followed your gaze to RS who smiled at her pleasantly. ED glared at him coolly, arms folded over her chest.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Eridan... I’m sorry about my earlier rudeness. My curiosity got the better of me.”

She looked away and grumbled for a moment before she met his eyes again.

“... I guess Sol likes you... so I w-won’t bite you for bein’ rude... Can I get your pronouns?”

He chuckled.

“He/him. And I think like might be a strong word. I think we’ve developed a working relationship at the very least.”

You swallowed your bite with a grin.

“No, I like you. You’re just a pain in the ass.”

DV slung her arm around Ross fondly.

“Ross is like a creepy fortune teller puppet that wanted to be a real boy so bad he climbed out his box on the pier and started terrorizing the tourists.”

“Yeah, and then a magic cricket crawled up his butt and taught him the power of love and also how to never say exactly what you mean.” JN chimed in.

Eridan looked confused to the point of irritation. 

“W-what the fuck are you talkin’ about? Kan w-what are they talkin’ about?”

“Oh.. I’m not sure. I’m afraid I didn’t follow that conversation very well. It seemed like some form of friendly ribbing?”

Ross smirked. 

“They’re calling me a pseudo-mystical asshole who knows more than they let on and speaks in riddles coached in sarcasm.”

“Ah. Is that an accurate assessment of your character then?”

“Of course. As accurate as one would expect from my two best friends.”

Joan grinned.

“Aww Ross... I love you too. Dove does too. Right Dove?”

“Yeah dude. We dragged your sorry wooden puppet self to the graveyard and performed the 12 step program of hoodoo voodoo to give you flesh so we could stand to hangout with you. You’re stuck with us for life after that whole occultist shit show. Or at least until Halloween, I forget how the spell went down, but you're definitely a human person and not a puppet anymore.”

“I love how you managed to slip your greatest fear into this tangent related entirely to my personality. Are you scared of me Dove?”

“Shut up. You’re not the Freudian Slip Police.”

“I’m the chief of the Freudian Slip Police. And you’ve slipped one too many times.”

“You’ll never catch me. I’m just slipping too fast. I’m dropping banana peels left and right and skating out the door of my deep seated need for approval right into my crippling fear of failure.”

ED’s eyes darted between the two of them wildly.

“You guys are fuckin’ w-weird. Ev-ven for humans I think...”

KN nodded slowly, he also looked lost.

“I... think I would agree with that. I can’t follow this at all...”

“That’s cause I’m slipping and sliding.”

“Your mommy issues are catching up to you... that’s a slip so big you’ll never get up.”

You laughed and clambered to your feet.

“Both of you shut up and go home. I’m tired and now you all know I’m alive we can hang out later. Thanks for the food JN. And thank your grandpa too.”

“No problem! Just keep it the dish and bring it back to me when you guys are done.”

“I’m going to pretend I’m totally going to do that so you’ll GTF out.”\

Ross smiled.

“Alright, we’ll make ourselves scarce. Come ladies, first one to the car gets to pick the music.”

DV and JN shared a quick glance and starting racing towards the door.

Dove reached it first but Joan caught the much smaller of the two by the waist.

“No! I can’t take anymore bad remixes of the Wii shop music!”

“It’s art, you just aren’t cultured enough to appreciate it!”

“It’s lame and also it sounds bad! Bad music isn’t ironically good because it’s bad. Oh yeah, bye you guys- Hey!”

Dove forced her way out of her grasp.

“Bye bitch!”

She slipped through the door and then popped her head back through.

“It was dope chilling with you, demons. See you later Sollux, Mituna.”

And then she was gone.

Joan huffed, and turned back to you before she slipped out the door too.

“Damnit! Well, bye for real! It was nice to meet you both! We’ll hang out again soon I’m sure.”

Ross followed behind them leisurely.

“Yes, we’ll be seeing you all soon. Sollux promised me regular updates and I intend to have them. Have a nice night.”

You opened your mouth to protest but he was already gone. Fucking witches.

It was silent for a long moment.

“W-well that was fuckin’ exhaustin’... are they always like that...?”

MT laughed heartily.

“I like them... I think they’re fun.”

“W-well you would Tuna...”

You got yourself another helping of the shepherd's pie and tossed it into the microwave.

“Yeah... they’re pretty much always like that.”

“Fuck.”

Kanaya spoke hesitantly.

“They were... rather a lot. But they seem to care about you quite a bit Sollux.”

“I know. I... care about them too. They’re easier to deal with when you’re not already burnt out on other stuff though. Today was kind of a shit day to meet them.”

“I actually didn’t mean to invite them over. I was just giving Ross a run-down so he wouldn’t worry and he somehow turned it around on me and then they were already on their way.” MT said with a sigh.

You snickered and pulled the bowl out of the microwave.

“Sounds about right.”

“You’ve got some freak friends, Sol.”

“Yup. That’s what happens when you’re a registered freak.”

She looked away and played with the rings on her fingers.

“... They... they make good fuckin’ food though.”

MT snickered again.

“Eridan, you think everything is good.”

“Yeah, but this is extra good.”

You ate a few bites. It really was stupidly good.

“It pays to let the ghost of a professional chef possess you.”

Eridan stared at you, and then at the casserole dish on the stove with horror and fascination.

“That’s ghost food?”

“Oh yeah. Ghostier than most at least.”

“W-weird...”

“It gets weirder. Joan grew up with a ghost grandpa, but Dove had near death experience when she was kid, and now she can almost... she says it’s not time travel, but it’s fucking time travel. Or she can like see the paths things will take, and slip into another one?”

Kanaya nodded knowingly.

“I’ve heard of instances like that before. Her soul has been loosened from the flow of time that governs the universe, allowing her to wiggle through the possible streams to a certain extent. It is not as uncommon as you probably think, though to control it takes great strength of self.”

“That sounds sciency enough to be true.”

He gave you a perplexed look.

“Why would I lie to you...?”

You laughed.

“I’m kidding. I know you wouldn’t lie.”

He scratched his head before he spoke again.

“Is there... anything special about Ross?”

“Ross...? No one knows what his deal is. He uses the weirdest shit for his wiz-bizzness. His wands are just regular knitting needles. I’ve touched them, they have no magical properties unless he’s using them.”

KN looked surprised.

“That is interesting...”

ED snorted derisively.

“Why is that interestin’? Witches are known to do the knittin’ thing to the point a insanity. Case in point, my fuckin’ scarf.”

“Yes, but your scarf is just the product of insanity and magical ability. Humans who do magic like we do, simple expressions of the soul’s will, typically need things infused with properties of the veil to channel their energies and control them. But if he is using ordinary objects... then that means his will is exceptionally strong.”

“I don’t know if they’re ordinary to him... I think the stuff he uses is sentimental, not that he would ever admit that.”

“Ah yes... because of the irony.”

You snickered.

“Wait... Do you...do you even know what irony is?”

“Yes. That is, I think I have a fairly good grasp on it... Sometimes it seems humans and demons alike, do and say things just to be confusing, but I’ve come to understand it’s just the double headed snake of sarcasm and irony clouding the meaning of their words with it’s poison. I’m not always able to parse the true meaning from the deceptive fake meanings, but I can certainly tell when I’m being duped.”

You grinned .

“KN, you are a goddamn delight.”

He flushed emerald.

“Oh.”

Eridan frowned. Probably jealous.

“You too ED.”

She flushed and looked away sharply. You finished your bowl and put it in the sink

“Alright... I’m calling it. This has been a fun day of emotional growth for everyone, but I’m ready for it to be over. I’m going home.”

ED finally looked at you again.

“C-can I come too?”

“Yes, you idiot, you live there too.”

“I w-was just askin’-”

“Don’t.”

“...ok.”

You sighed and touched her shoulder gently. 

“Come on... let’s go.”

She nodded but didn’t say anything else.

ED seemed really beat too. You knew all this emotional stuff was hard for her. You wished you were better at being nice, just to ease up on her, but your own abrasive and sarcastic nature made that a little difficult. You figured she would figure it out eventually. That you weren’t trying to be mean. That you liked her. Just a little.

You hugged KN before you left. Mostly because it just seemed like he needed one. And Eridan slid into his arms immediately afterwards for a much longer hug. It was cute.

How much they cared about each other.

You trekked the few yards from Kanaya’s place to yours, feeling like you’d never make it to your bed, but you did manage it. You even said good night to ED in the hall, like a nice person, before you stumbled into your room, flopped onto your mattress and fell asleep instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though FUCK THE POLICE.  
> uh yeah. I'm about to go back to work which will probably slow this train down a bit but probably not that much since I'm sure hours will be shit.  
> Please enjoy, writing chapters with this many characters is a struggle but I hope it reads well.


	32. Level Playing Field

**Be Eridan: Level Playing Field**

Your hands were so small.

And they were brown. The palms a lighter softer color. You could barely get them around the cold metal bar as you swung to next.

Those weren’t your hands. 

You missed the swing, you hit the ground hard on your knees. The weird foam on the ground scraped your knee and the palms of your hands and it stung. Not your knee. Your knee was big and grey and your blood wasn’t red. 

You were trying not to cry. You were trying to figure out what was going on, inside trying not to cry because your knee and your palms burned bright with pain. You were trying to figure why you were so small. Another small brown hand took your own, it was warm and soft and comforting. Familiar. It was -

You woke up suddenly. 

You were in your room at the human’s house. You were the same size you’d always been, your hands were grey. You pinched your arm and the area purpled. Weird. Fucking weird.

You threw off the too soft blankets and rolled out of bed, shucking your underwear into the pile of dirty clothes that Kan had yet to help you wash and slid into a fresh pair. You considered your options. The dream was fading away from your consciousness. You couldn’t seem to hold onto the details of it. Just how weird it made you feel. How you weren’t yourself.

You had a black dress and some kind of romper made of green snake skin. You picked the dress and shimmied into it. Kan had only brought you things he said were appropriate for human society, or this human society at least, so nothing he brought was something you would actually wear. You studied yourself in the mirror of the closet door. It wasn’t bad, you never looked bad, no matter what. You just looked boring.

You frowned and picked at the material. You hated looking boring. And on a more pressing note, how were you supposed to seduce Sol if she couldn’t see your numerous assets? 

You decided to modify the dress a little. You’d seen some human fashion, sometimes it was really revealing and no one made a fuss about it. You took it off again and sat on the floor, carefully ripping the neckline lower with your claws. It was made of some kind of leather, like most of the clothes you knew were, but it wasn’t that thick and you managed to get your desired results without much difficulty. 

You put it on again. It wasn’t perfect but it looked leagues better. You bent over in the mirror to find where you should cut the skirt. If it didn’t show your ass, Kan couldn’t yell at you, and you could still get Sol’s undivided attention by almost showing it.

You marked the spot with a quick tear then took it off and started ripping off the unwanted length.

It came out a little uneven, with the back longer than the front, but that only worked in your favor. You dug around in the side pockets of one your suitcases until you found your wad of gold chains. You untangled one really long one and wrapped it around your neck a few times letting the ends hang down between your breasts. Normally you would wear your scarf, but then you wouldn’t be able to see the chain, so you left it off.

You went to the bathroom to take care of the rest, your face and your teeth and your hair.

You poked around some of the human products too, you found some oil that smelled safe and you rubbed a little into your horns so they’d be nice and shiny.

Feeling the nubs made you want to cry but you fought the feeling away. You were sick of crying all the time. You did not sign up for this to cry everyday. 

You signed for this to save Fef by making a human fall madly in love with you.

You just didn’t understand what the human criteria for that emotion was. 

But if you could seduce her. You’d be closer than not. And who wouldn’t be seduced by you, looking like this? 

You turned and looked in the mirror, checking yourself out.

Nervousness clenched suddenly in your gut. You felt a little sick.

What would Sol think seeing you suddenly trying so hard to get her attention? She would think you were a hypocrite. Trying to reel her in with your own body, after you’d told her you weren’t affected by seeing hers. And she had only ever looked away from you. Sol always turned away. This was a bad fucking idea. You had to change.

You opened the door to find her already standing there.

She blinked at you, she seemed half asleep.

Her eyes swept up your body, and you flushed. Fuck. You were stuck like this now.

“... I need to use the bathroom.”

You nodded and stepped out of the way. As she brushed past you, you swore you saw her eyes flick down your chest and back up, you swore you saw one eyebrow arch upwards, before she shut the door. 

You bolted downstairs trying to control the heat in your face.

Tuna was in the kitchen, making her coffee, and she turned towards you as to hit the bottom of the stairs.

“Morning! ... Hey, you alright?”

“Yes!” you snapped.

What the fuck was that? Why were you embarrassed? You wanted her to look at you. You thought you wanted that.

She turned and leaned against the counter.

“Okie dokie... You look nice today.”

“W-w-what...?”

You were trying to look sexy, not nice. You were so confused.

She cocked her head, her cloud of hair swaying softly.

“Yeah, you look... nice? Kinda fancy.”

You looked away sharply. You were feeling so many things you couldn’t make head or tails of it.

“Oh...”

“Dude, what’s up?”

You growled softly and stalked into the kitchen, ripping off one of the bananas and snapping through it quickly to fill the void in your stomach.

She watched you for a second, before she jerked her head in the direction of the glass door.

“The dogs are outside.”

You nodded and grabbed another one before you made your way to the glass door, stepping out into the yard as you ate the sweet yellow fruit. Tuna followed you, but didn’t speak until you were both outside and she had slid the door shut behind you.

“So... You got dressed up for Sollux?”

You nodded, face hot. Fidgeting with your rings.

Tuna was sharp and you couldn’t hide from her.

“I w-was goin’ to seduce her... but then I thought that w-was a bad idea cause she nev-ver looks at me anyw-ways an I w-was goin’ to go change but- but! She saw me already an now-w I’m fuckin’ stuck like this...!”

Tuna chuckled.

“Wait, what? You’re telling me you woke up and thought “today’s the day I seduce Sollux!” got dressed up and then decided not to?”

“It makes sense! Sex can lead to lov-ve... sometimes... I don’t fuckin’ know! I don’t know w-what I’m supposed to be doin’ here...! An no one can seem to giv-ve me a straight answer! Least of all Kan...”

“I think you’re just supposed to... do what you want to do. And work on getting to know her.”

“W-what I want to do...?”

“Yeah, there must be stuff you’ve wanted to do here, or that you’re curious about.”

“... I nev-ver thought about it. I only got sent up here for special jobs. My life w-was in Hell.”

“That sounds ominous. What kind of special jobs?”

“You - you don’t w-want to know... My influence, my true influence... at full strength, it’s not the fuckin’ cute kind. It’s not like Kan’s.”

“Hmm... you were really powerful, huh?”

“No. I w-was kinda powerful. I had enough clout to get w-what I w-wanted most a the time, an I ave some... skills... but there’s alway gonna be someone w-who can kill you w-with the snap a their fingers in Hell. Just some fucker on the street. An on top a that there’s alw-ways the High Council, an the Chancellor, an the Condecse at the very top. He could kill us all a thousand times ov-ver...”

“Ok. That is all terrifying. But moving on... do you have any hobbies?”

“W-what’s a hobbies - err... hobby...?”

“Something you do only for fun! Like skateboarding. It’s Latula’s job but I only do it for fun, so that makes it a hobby.”

“Oh... uh. I like to read. An... fight. I like to fight for fun, not just for w-work. An I like to ave sex. For fun.”

Tuna burst into laughter and you huffed.

“You can’t tell me sex isn’t a hobby. It is fun. It’s fun to fuck. I mean w-why do it otherw-wise?”

Tuna doubled over with a wheeze and you stomped your feet in irritation.

“W-what the shit is so funny?!”

“I - I’m sorry...! Eridan -”

“No you’re not! You’re still laughin’ at me!”

“.... ehe he. Holy shit... that is the best thing... I’ve ever heard...”

“Screw you...”

She stood up straighter, wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes with a infuriating little smirk.

“...I thought you wanted to bang my sister?”

“ That’s not-! You’re missin’ the point Tuna...! It’s not about-! I’m just tryin’ to get her to fall in lov-ve with me.”

“You want my advice?”

You looked away and scuffed your bare feet on the patio.

“... yes.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“W-what kinda shitty advice is that?!”

“Just try to be happy for yourself, and she’ll come to you.”

You stared at her blankly.

She waved her hands nervously.

“That is no way a guarantee, Ok?! She might be my twin but we’re not the same person and I can’t speak for her or what she wants... but if you make yourself sick over it, it’s not going to make you closer. You just have to let things play out.”

“... w-well that fuckin’ sucks...”

“Yeah... sorry. That’s how love works though. Whether it hits gradually or all at once, it’s not something you can force. It grows at it’s own pace.”

“Ugh, I’m sick a all the grow-win’ ... does it ev-ver fuckin’ end...?”

“Nope.”

“Fuck.”

“I mean... don’t tell her I said this, because she will kill me. But if it makes you feel better... Sollux does look at you. She’s just not ready to admit it yet.”

You sighed.

“I know... she - she does. But she keeps turnin’ aw-way from me... an hidin’ her face so... it doesn’t seem like she... she likes me. Or w-wants me.”

“Oh... umm... I get that things are super straightforward. Where you’re from. But you shouldn’t take it personally when she does that. It’s more about her discomfort with her own gay reaction than her not... appreciating you.”

“Gay reaction?”

“She’s into women, mostly, and you’re pretty damn womanly. She sees you flouncing around... and gets all flustered about it because she’s not actually that smooth when it comes to... talking to girls she thinks are hot or getting dates and stuff.”

You smirked.

“Oh... w-well that does make me feel better then.”

“Granted, I’m no smooth romantic provocateur myself, but I didn’t really have to be. When Latula and I met... we just kind of jumped into dating each other immediately, and it worked out.”

That was another mysterious human behavior you didn’t get. You weren’t really sure what dating was for. Except a obnoxiously long prelude to sex. But you couldn’t really imagine Tuna and Tula doing that either.

“Do you guys have sex?”

“Uhhh... I don’t know if that’s any of your business... but yeah, we do?”

“Hmm...”

“What?”

“You guys ave w-weird chemistry. To me, I guess...”

“In what way?”

“I can’t tell w-who's stronger.”

“Can you tell if you’re stronger than Sollux?”

You opened your mouth to assert that you were the strong one, but you weren’t really sure. After yesterday.

You flushed and shut your mouth.

Sol was weak then, but she was able to hold you down completely. Although you still could have ripped her to shreds when she got tired, and you’d been using monumental restraint to avoid actually hurting her. But if she was that strong almost completely drained, what was her true power like? Would you really be able to beat it if you came to blows?

“Well...?”

Tuna was smirking at you. You looked away sharply.

“I... I don’t know...”

“The best kind of relationship to have, if you ask me... is one with a level playing field.”

You shook your head, squeezing your arm nervously.

“I’ve nev-ver... had that before...”

“... I guess now’s your chance to try it out.”

You met her eyes, they were warm and kind and twinkling with amusement.

You looked down to hide the purple blooming in your cheeks.

“... I’m gonna fuck this up.”

“Don’t say that...”

She took your hand and squeezed it gently. You remembered the dream. You stared at her as it all fell into place. The little brown hands. The red blood.

“You just have to keep trying to live a better life than the day before. And Sollux will figure it out while you’re doing that. And maybe you guys will fall in love.”

You swallowed nervously.

“ Tuna... D-do you remember bein’ a baby?”

She let go of your hand and gave you a quizzical look.

“Uh, not really? My oldest memories are from like 4 or 5 years old I think.”

“I guess a - a big baby then? Like you’re just... smaller than normal?”

She laughed. She thought you were joking.

“Yeah! That’s called being a kid Eridan. Were you not a kid?”

You shook your head. Dread was rising in your stomach.

“No. I’ve alw-ways been like this.”

“Oh. Weird.”

Oh fuck no. This could not be happening.

“Yeah. I ave to go... I ave to go talk to Kan.”

You turned to leave, and she grabbed your arm to stop you.

“Wait, are you ok?”

“I d-don’t... know. I ave to ask Kan somethin’ but... it should be fine. Hopefully it’s fine. Thanks for... talkin’ w-with me though. You’re a good friend Tuna.”

She gave you her classic crooked grin and let go of your arm.

“Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.”

You nodded and rushed back inside, nearly bumping into Sol on her way to the kitchen as you rushed towards the door.

She looked so much better than yesterday. Her curls were all shiny and soft looking again and her face was clean and bright. She wasn’t even wearin’ those hideous patterned pants any more.

She grabbed your arm too. Stupid grabby humans.

“Where are you going ED?”

“I need to talk to Kan.”

She tightened her grip. 

“About what?”

You weren’t sure if it was a good idea to tell her.

“Y-you didn’t ave any w-weird dreams last night, did you?”

“Uh, I always have weird dreams. It’s part of the whole psychic gig.”

“No, I mean... like dreams w-where you... w-were me...”

She blinked at you.

“What?”

“You’d get it if you had one, Sol. But it’s good you fuckin’ didn’t ... I gotta go-”

You tried to yank your arm out of her grasp to no avail. Her psionics had come out to play.

“Wait, are you saying you dreamed you were me?”

You tried again, and this time you were successful. The connection snapped and the glow faded from her eyes.

“I don’t know w-what I d-dreamed, ok? I just gotta talk to Kan an make sure it isn’t more a this stupid soul bond crap.”

You turned to leave and she followed you.

“I’m coming with you.”

You spun around to stop her.

“Sol-”

“ED, it is one hundred percent some stupid soul bond crap, even if you don’t want it to be!”

You stared at her, the fierceness in her eyes faded. They went soft.

“... Jesus... stop fucking trying to shut me out already.”

You felt small. You hugged your arms and looked away.

“... ok.”

Sol sighed.

“Just let me grab a cup of coffee and a banana or something and we can go together, ok?”

You nodded, and she turned around towards the kitchen again.

You really, really hoped it wasn’t the soul bond crap. And if it was... you should just kiss your existence goodbye or go back to the Pit where you belonged. Either would be a fitting end for you.

Eridan Ampora, summoner of Horrorterrors. Genocidal maniac extraordinaire. Cheater of death. 

Really, really bad friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notes what notes? lord knows...  
> Also Mituna and Eridan are cute.


	33. No-No Territory

**Be Sollux: No-No Territory**

You followed Eridan out of the house with a mug of coffee in one hand and a half eaten banana in the other. You didn’t look at her ass at all, in her swishy little dress you were one hundred percent sure she mangled into being more revealing. Ok, you kind of did, but it didn’t mean anything.You were only human, and demon or not she had womanly charms up the wazoo and she played it up with all her, presumably purple, heart.

You breathed a sigh into your coffee. You just wanted one normal day. But that was clearly not going to happen until these insidious little supernatural circle jerks stopped happening or you just got so used to them you considered them normal. There’s a lot a person can get used to if shit never stopped being shoveled on their plate.

You dreamed of being a person to whom no shit was or would ever be dealt.

You knew they were out there, because you had a whopping double helping of shit every goddamn day. You just wanted to listen to repetitive music and code until your body formed a sweaty imprint in your computer chair so deep you had to be forcibly extracted from the recess.

Instead you were following your demon-fiance to talk to your friendly neighbourhood demon-therapist to investigate the cause of a dream she had. A dream where she dreamed she was you. Whatever the fuck that meant.

ED was being really cagey about it and that made you nervous. You didn’t have enough energy for another emotional full body hold down. You didn’t even have enough to stop her from pulling her arm away from you earlier. You really hoped it was nothing. Even though you knew, in your gut, it wasn’t.

She knocked on the door repeatedly but there was no answer.

“Kan!! Open up!!”

You finished your banana and tossed the peel into the bushes.

“Are you even sure he’s here?”

“He said he’d be here from 9 am till we w-went to bed almost everyday...”

“Maybe he’s doing an errand or something. Did you text him?”

“... No... My phone still w-won’t fuckin’ open...”

“Jesus, what did you do to it?”

Eridan looked away to hide her embarrassment.

“The last time I used it... I might ave been a little forceful...”

You heard a sudden loud crack inside the house.

“He must’ve just gotten back from Hell...”

She tried the knob and it was unlocked, so she opened the door and walked in.

You followed her into the house but it wasn’t KN standing in the middle of the empty living room.

It was Slick.

He smiled his wide eerie smile and tipped his hat. It barely fit in between his horns and it would have been funny if he wasn’t so menacing.

“Morning lovebirds.”

ED seemed a little taken aback and you were immediately on the defensive, eyes hot, even though you were too weak to do much.

“Mornin’ Slick. If you don’t mind me askin’ w-what the fuck are you doin’ here?”

He didn’t answer and walked leisurely over to the window. Looking out through the curtains like the peaceful cul de sac brought him some deep displeasure. Like he wanted to burn it to the ground.

“You should hear what they’re calling you back home, Ampora... You’d be slittin’ throats right about now I think.”

ED growled. Viscous and low. A real growl. It made the hairs on your arms and the back of your neck stand up.

“Maybe yourr thrrroat is the one I ought to be slittin’ you stab happy maggot.”

He chuckled gruffly. His own growl creeping up slowly in volume.

“Harrsh words coming from the one who-”

There was another sharp crack and the room filled with the familiar smell of burning hair as Kanaya appeared.

He looked furious.

“Slick, get out of my house.”

“Maryam. You might want to lose the attitude. Fact is, I was asked to come here. By nones other than Doc Scratch.”

KN leveled him the haughtiest, most unimpressed look you’d ever seen.

“Oh. On what business?”

“On the business of she wanted me to take a photo.”

All three of you said “What?” at the same time, ED coming in a half beat later because of her stutter.

He pulled a camera out of thin air.

“Just of the lovebirds though. I don’t need your ugly mug Maryam.”

KN jumped on the ball before either you or ED managed to process this request.

“If we permit you to take the photo will you get out of my house?”

“Of course. You think I fucking like being up here? It’s too bright to see diddly squat and every time I give a meatsack a little well deserved needling that spidery busybody writes me up.”

“W-why do you need a fuckin’ photo?!” Eridan snarled besides you.

“I don’t ask questions and neither should you, Ampora. If you know what’s good for you, anyways. Now line up and say cheese.”

Neither you or Eridan moved. 

“Fine.”

He snapped a photo of the both of you where you stood.

“That’ll have to do. Leastwise, I can say I tried. Farewell, ladies. Maryam.”

There was another loud crack and he was gone. You tried to watch what happened but it was too fast, the most you could make out was a flash of black and then white just after he seemed to stop existing. 

KN let out a frustrated huff.

“I’m so sorry, I stepped out to retrieve something and I received word he was on route to the house before I got to my own transportalizer pad.”

You blinked at him.

“Transportalizer pad?”

“It’s how w-we get from our plane to yours... Kan you better fuckin’ figure out w-what that was about otherw-wise I’m gonna decapitate that smug bastard the next time I see him.”

He chuckled softly, fondness in his eyes.

“I will do my best but I make no promises. And really, Eridan... what good would that do?”

Eridan growled softly, her tail flicking violently behind her.

“I don’t know... it w-would make me feel better.”

Kanaya shook his head.

“No. It’s not worth the risk. If you wish to assert your dominance and beat him to a pulp, be my guest, but killing him would only complicate matters.”

She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Uggh... fine. But w-when I do I’m beatin’ him so bad he’ll be crawlin’ for a fuckin’ w-week.”

“This is acceptable. By the way, what are you both doing here? Did something happen?”

You glanced at ED and she looked away. She really did not seem to want to talk about this dream thing in front of you.

You took your final sip of coffee and pointed at her as you went to set the mug down on the counter.

“She had a weird dream and wanted to talk about it.”

“Sol!”

KN looked surprised then distraught.

“Oh dear... I never got to that yesterday, did I?”

“Uh, no. Shit was wack yesterday though. Don’t worry about it.”

“Please forgive me. This was a rather large oversight on my part. Eridan would you care to describe the dream?”

She fidgeted nervously with her rings for a moment.

“I... I dreamed... that I w-was Sol. A smaller Sol. And I scraped my knee. And Mituna was there and she w-was small too and then I woke up.”

You stared at her. It sounded like she was dreaming about being you as a kid. Which made zero sense.

“Your suspicions are correct, that was not just a dream, but one of Sollux’s memories. It is another one of the consequences of the bond between you.”

You turned towards Kanaya, who was nodding like he agreed with himself.

“Wait, what? How does that work exactly?”

“Experiences change, polish and wear away at souls, making them unique, giving them character. This is true even for us demons. As your bond strengthens you will begin to explore those nuances subconsciously, through each other's memories.”

“But she can’t!”

You glanced at ED, she looked desperate, furious.

“Eridan-”

“Kan she c-can’t! You know she can’t... she’ll feel my pain again, she’ll- see the...” 

Her eyes were filling with tears and she shook her head violently as though to shake her thoughts away.

KN remained calm, his face was impassive.

“Sollux may well feel your pain again, but not at the same intensity as before. The filter of your memories and your body will reduce it substantially. And of course... she can always wake up.”

She snarled at him. This was clearly the exact thing she didn’t want to hear.

“She’s just a fuckin’ human! Sol ain’t meant to experience the shit w-we do! It could hurt her! It... it could fuckin’ b-break her...”

“Hey! Stop talking about me like I’m not right here!”

She turned towards you suddenly, eyes wide, like she had forgotten about you.

“Sol you d-don’t understand...”

“No, I don’t understand! But how am I supposed to if you keep trying to hide your bullshit from me?! And I don’t... I don’t fucking like the idea of you poking around in my memories anymore than you do, ok?”

“Sol...”

“... I fucking hate it too.”

Kanaya sighed.

“I knew this was going to be difficult for both of you to accept... but it is not something that can be helped or controlled. At least, as far I know.”

You sighed heavily. If it wasn’t one thing it was another.

“If it can’t be helped, then whatever. It’s not like I’m not used to supernatural shit invading my dreams...”

Eridan sniffed and wiped her eyes on her forearm.

“Fuck it... I’m done. Ain’t no point in pretendin’ this is gonna w-work, so I’m done. I quit.”

You stared at her and she gazed back. Her eyes were hard. Resigned.

“What the fuck are you talking about ED?”

“Kan can take me back to the Pit an you can ave your fuckin’ life back Sol.”

“Eridan, that is not an option. That was made clear to you from the beginning, you cannot leave now this has started.”

She burst into tears again, stamping her foot on the floor in frustration so hard the hardwood floor cracked.

“Fuck!Fuckfuckfuck! W-w-why?! Fuck!! W-w-why?! An w-w-why can’t I stop fuckin’ cryin’?!!”

“... is it really that bad?”

She spun away from you, trying to hide her face in her arms.

“... Yes!!”

You stepped towards her and she swiped at you with her tail. You narrowly dodged it, but the force behind the swing told you it would’ve hurt like a motherfucker.

“Hey! Knock it off already!”

She laughed mockingly and her tail swayed in between you, warning you to stay away..

“W-what are you gonna do? Shock me? Pin me down with your mind pow-wers Sool?”

You tried to step around to a different side but her tail was faster, the hard heart shaped plate on the end snapped against your hand and you withdrew, with tears springing in your eyes, trying not to swear.

You failed and clutched at your stinging hand, swearing so much you weren’t even sure what you were saying.

God, that hurt.

Fuck, you were pissed.

“Y’know! Why the fuck not ED?! We’ll just fight until I pin you every fucking day and dick around in each other’s crappy memories every night and not talk about it ever! We’ll just continue the endless cycle of stupidity until you disappear for good and I’m free to do fuck all I want to do! Which I could actually fucking do anyways while you’re around if you would just calm down for like ten god damn minutes!!”

“You think you could pin me again?”

Oh shit.

You looked up.

She was smiling, all her big white teeth on display, and her eyes were shiny and bright under her glasses.

“Yeah.”

Nope.

She pounced on you, somehow flipping you over in mid-air so you didn’t actually hit the floor, while she tumbled expertly.

It happened too fast for you to even begin to stop her. Your ass was hitting the ground, she was crushing you almost into her lap from behind. Her legs wrapped over each of yours, pinning you to the floor despite how much shorter they were in comparison, her arms squeezing over your waist, grabbing your wrists and crossing your arms over your chest while you tried in vain to force her away with your psionics.

ED laughed throatily behind you, her hot breath on your neck made you squirm.

“Sol, you idiot... you really shouldn’t have used your pow-wers earlier. Your bluff w-woulda worked so much better if I didn’t already know how fuckin’ w-weak you are right now...”

You pushed power out from every point of contact, tried to uncross your arms and slide your legs out from under hers. It did nothing and you tried not to panic.

“Fuck you!! THIS isn’t a fucking win ED! You’re cheating, this is cheat-”

Her teeth were resting against the bare skin of your neck. They were so, so sharp. You stopped breathing.

She pulled away with a low chuckle.

“Don’t w-worry Sol. I’m still not gonna hurt you.”

You breathed in shakily. 

“Then let me go.”

“Ya’know Sol... it was kinda a mistake to even wrestle me in the first place. I ave a much better understandin’ a w-what you can handle now. I don’t ave to hold back so much.”

You let out a long hissing breath of frustration.

“Fine, you were going easy on me yesterday. You proved your point. Let me go.”

Her arms squeezed you closer.   
“Hmm... I don’t think I w-will.”

You tried to tap deeper to find some hidden well of power to break free but found nothing. You were officially freaking out. You thrashed as hard as you could against her. You were so much bigger, you figured you could get out if you really tried. But her muscles were like iron.

“Let me the fuck go!! ED! LET GO!!”

“Aww remember w-when I w-was sayin’ that yesterday an you laughed at me...”

You stopped fighting, panting heavily and slumping back against her. You did not like this. Kanaya was just leaning against the counter, watching you both struggling on the floor with a pleasant expression on his face.

Jerk.

You refused to ask him for help.

“...THAT was completly fucking justified! THIS is just another shitty temper tantrum because you don’t want to tell me anything!!”

“Maybe. Or maybe I’m completely justified, cause you thinkin’ you can just make me do w-whatever with your powers ain’t v-very conducive to a healthy relationship...”

You laughed sarcastically.

“Oh, now you want a relationship? I thought you fucking quit, ED.”

“I’m w-withdrawin’ my resignation... you’re stuck w-with me darlin’.”

Your face shot up in temperature. She hadn’t called you that since you first met.

“Don’t. Fucking. Call MeThat!”

“Sorry, lov-ve.”

You wriggled desperately in her grip. Your face was so red it hurt.

“Goddamnit! Don’t call me that either!!”

She chuckled and leaned her head against your shoulder.

“Ok, I’ll stick w-with Sol for now...”

God, you had to get out of here. Before you lost what little dignity you had completely.

You could spare a little to ask for help in the face of losing all of it.

“Hey, KN! You wanna step in here? Get her to release me as a show of good faith?”

He cocked his head and gave you a small smile.

“Why? You aren’t in any danger Sollux.”

You felt like steam was coming out of your ears.

“I’m in danger of kicking your giant ass later!”

“Oh, it seems I’m getting a phone call...”

He pulled his bug phone out his pocket and it unrolled in his hand. It was silent.

“No, you’re not!”

“Ahem. Ring ring.”

“What the fuck?!”

Eridan was snickering furiously behind you.

“I must go take this very important, and private phone call.”

He turned to leave, and you tried again to break free as you yelled at him.

“KN, you disgusting slimy piece of shit! Come back here and help me or we’re not friends anymore!!”

He gave you a small smile over his shoulder, just before he left the room.

“... You don’t mean that... I’ll be back soon!”

Your mouth dropped with outrage. You thought he was on your side on this issue. What the actual fuck.

ED grinned wickedly next to your ear, you could see her expression out of the corners of your eyes.

“It hurts doesn’t it Sol...?”

“...Shut up.”

She leaned her head against your shoulder again with a little sigh of contentment.

“Are you gonna admit I w-won?”

“In your dreams, bitch. I still maintain you’re fucking cheating, and this doesn’t count for jack-shit.”

“Hmm... If we fought for real... w-who do you think w-would win?”

You huffed. You couldn’t believe you were just going to have a normal fucking conversation in this position. Could this get anymore humiliating? You shouldn’t jinx yourself. It absolutely could.

“... I don’t fucking know. You. Probably.”

“See... I kinda think you w-would. You’ve got much more flexibility in w-what you can do... I don’t think I’d stand a fuckin’ chance in a real fight.”

“Yeah, but I don’t have unlimited psychic juice. It runs out and then I’m fucking screwed.”

You strained against her to no avail, before you gave in. For real this time. You had nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada.

You groaned.

“Obviously...!”

She chuckled again.

“I mean a fair fight, Sol. Where everyone starts at full pow-wer. I know this one ain’t fair. I w-wasn’t laborin’ under the delusion that this prov-ves my superiority or anythin’.”

You sighed and leaned back against her. If you were stuck here you might as well get comfortable.

“In that case, wouldn’t you have your magic too?”

“I suppose so... but it’s not somethin’ you can rev-verse so that ain’t really a possibility.”

If she wanted to talk maybe you could get her to actually talk about something important.

“ED why are you so scared of me seeing your memories?”

“... It’s not just seein’ them. It was like... I could feel what you were feelin’ but I was havin’ my own independent reaction... inside your perspectiv-ve I guess. It w-was really fuckin’ weird.”

“Ok, but why are you fucking scared though?”

“Sol you already experienced the w-worst physical pain I ev-ver felt once, you don’t need to go through that again.”

“You keep giving me the answers to questions I’m not asking like that’s going to trick me into shutting the fuck up and it’s shitty and insulting ED. I’m not a idiot. And I’m not weak either. You know I can handle that pain now. Not that I particularly fucking want to. But seriously. Cut the crap and tell me what’s going on.”

“Fine. It’s not just that.”

She fell quiet again, and you groaned your frustration.

“Ok... Elaborate. Please. Entertain your captive audience before it falls asleep from fucking boredom.”

She snickered and pressed you closer.

“Oh? Are you gettin’ comfortable Sol? Are you gettin’ all sleepy? Do feel safe in my big strong arms?”

“... Eeeee Deeee... please! Fuck! I’m so sick of this shit! If you don’t want to tell me I’ll just figure it out when I get dragged screaming in protest into your motherfucking memories. If they’re really that horrible then I guess thanks for the vague-ass warning.”

“W-well... it’s certainly not gonna be... pretty...”

“Yeah, my life hasn’t been exactly peaches and cream either, ok?”

“No, I mean... you’re gonna see me do some horrible shit Sol... an you’re... you’re gonna feel me not giv-ve a flying fuck about it.”

“Ok... But you care now though right...?”

She sighed and her head slid down lower against your back.

“It’s complicated... I ave a lotta regrets an I... also ave things that I should regret, probably, but I just don’t for one reason or another. An there’s... stuff I’ve done that I only regret now. Cause a you. But, w-whether or not I regret it... I’ve caused some...” she swallowed hard.

“I’ve caused some horrible fuckin’ shit to happen... on Alternia, an here on Earth. I don’t w-w-want you to see that... I don’t w-w-want you to fuckin’ h-hate me... ev-ven though you’d ave full fuckin’ license too.”

“What did you do on Earth?”

ED whimpered and squeezed you tighter for a second before she relaxed her grip again. You could tell by her breathing she had started crying.

“ I cause acts a war... of g-genocide... They ship me up here to be in the room w-when shit’s gettin’ decided... or they used too. I just ave to stand around an my influence pushes shit ov-ver the edge. I mean they’re already almost there but it’s just the suggestion a eliminatin’ the w-whole enemy... it takes hold, an people fuckin run w-with it an that pushes more people ov-ver the edge an it’s just like dominoes. All these souls go to Hell, an they make more as they’re on the way an then I go home.”

“... What the fuck...”

She sobbed against your back. You felt numb.

“I’m s-sorry...! I w-wasn’t gona tell you, I mean fuckin’ ev-ver... I know it’s bad! I know! It’s just w-what I’m good at... w-what my influence does... it’s not like I like it! I’ve only done it a few-w times... I promise! It’s just p-part a my job, or it w-w-was... an that w-was enough... justification... for me...”

“... what about now...”

“I c-can’t anymore... I don’t w-want to but... I can’t anyways and that’s good...! I mean I probably c-couldn’t ev-ven be around you otherw-wise... it’d probably make you fuckin’ homicidal eventually...”

You swallowed hard.

“... no, I mean... do you regret it...? Or is it one of the things you don’t care about...”

She was still holding you tightly, but it felt less like restraint and more like she was hiding behind you. Like, if she let you go and you looked at her, she’d break into a billion pieces.

“... I... I regret it... I c-coulda said no... but I d-didn’t. I didn’t think about humans at all... back then... Or really anybody except for myself... an w-what I w-wanted... an you’re gonna see that...! How fuckin’ selfish I am! An you’re gonna hate me an I c-can’t be fuckin’ mad at you for that...!”

You sighed.

“... I already... kind of know... how selfish you are...”

She snuffled against your back.

“You d-dont...!”

“Yeah, I fucking do. Remember? When you put the ring on. I felt your emotions too. Most of what I felt was just... desire. Desire for power, and attention and praise... and...”

You shook your head with a little laugh.

“... and you think you fucking deserve it too.”

ED sobbed against you. You could feel how damp her face was pressed into your back, you could feel her grip on your wrists starting to slack.

“But you also hate yourself a lot... because you want so goddamn much. You’re terrified that people are going to leave you behind because of it. And you’re terrified because if that happens, then you wouldn’t be able to get what you want from them, and you’d be left alone, just hating yourself anyways...”

She let go of you. 

She crawled away from you abruptly, so quickly you almost fell backwards onto the floor, and you barely caught yourself in time. 

You spun around to find her.

“ED...?”

She was just sitting on the floor, tears and snot were sliding down her face. She looked listless.

You scooted towards her. You might’ve gone too far.

“ED... are you... ok?”

She shook her head and laughed. It was not a happy sound.

“Nev-ver... fuckin’ once ave I been ok... That’s w-what it means to be a demon Sol. An it only ev-ver gets w-worse...”

“Ok.”

She growled in exasperation.

“Fuckin’ hell Sol! I w-wish you w-would just be mad at me...! I w-wish you w-would just fuckin’ take it out on me an then I w-wouldn’t feel so shitty for takin’ it out on you all the time...”

“Again, selfish.”

ED actually let out a little laugh, a real one, of surprise.

“I fuckin’ told you! I can help it... I mean I’m tryin’... but-”

You smiled at her.

“It’s ok.”

“I - I really don’t think it is...”

“Yeah, you’re right. I guess... what I’m getting at, is that is fucking awful. And hearing about it. It pisses me off. If you had told me that three days ago I definitely would’ve stopped talking to you as a matter of principle.”

She buried her face in the crook of her arm and wailed.

“I knooowww....!!”

You yanked her arm away and her glasses slid down her face.

“Hey! Damnit ED, calm down! I wasn’t finished.”

She whimpered, and more tears seemed to pour out of her eyes.

“Oh - okay...!”

She took a deep shaky breath and you tried to find your train of thought again.

“What I was going to say is... we’ve jumped like twenty emotional hurdles in the last two days and I’m a little less inclined to believe you’re irredeemable. Also... I don’t understand much about your life before this, or what you were like, or what Alternia or Hell or whatever is like. And I’m not qualified to pass judgement on that shit until I... know more. So we’ll just have to see...”

“See w-what...?”

“How I feel about it after it happens. After I start getting your memories.”

She looked at the floor.

“I know w-we can’t av-void it an I know... I can’t get outta this... but...”

“ED I’m probably not gonna to hate you. No matter what I see. I might get ticked off at you, or demand an explanation for something. But I’m not sure I’m really... capable of hating you now. Because Soul Magicks or whatever.”

“... I - I really fuckin’ hope you’re right about that Sol...”

“Also as a side note. I have premonitions about Armageddons and like crazy shit happening in distant galaxies and all kinds of insane bullshit all the time. So I’m probably the most qualified human to take a nice cold dip in your sordid demon past... I’m thoroughly fucking desensitized.”

You grinned at her and she laughed, wiping under her glasses with her hands.

It seemed like she had finally stopped crying.

You took your shirt off. You were wearing a sports bra so it wasn’t a big deal, and she’d already snotted up the back thoroughly.

“Here, wipe your nasty face off.”

“Thanks...”

ED took off her glasses and wiped her face on it.

She suddenly buried her face in it and groaned into the fabric.

“... Goddamnit... I w-wasn’t gonna fuckin’ cry today... I w-wasn’t! ”

You snickered.

“Yeah, I figured that wasn’t normal... human emotions, what a drug right?”

“Fuck Sol... they’re aw-wful...”

“They’re not all bad...”

She lowered the shirt and muttered venomously.

“I must not ave gotten to the good ones the yet...”

You laughed again. It was cute when she was all purple faced and grumpy. 

Oh god. Fuck. No, you couldn’t be thinking that shit.

“Sol... you ok there?”

You need to calm your gay ass down. You need to ice your gay ass thoroughly and remind it that demons were pretty strictly in no-no territory, no matter how cute they were. Fuck. Not pretty strictly. Strictly all caps, no exceptions, NO-NO fucking TERRITORY. 

You coughed to distract from your face which was heating up vigorously.

“Yeah. Yep.”

“...Uh, ok... do you w-want your shirt back...?”

“I’m not putting that back on, it’s covered in demonic snot.”

“W-wow, you don’t ave to be rude.”

“You’re the one who snotted all over it in the first place.”

“You - you made me fuckin’ cry Sol!”

“I didn't make you cry... I just asked you a question and you started crying. Which you do at the drop of a hat now so that is categorically not my fault.”

“Fuck you!”

“Real original ED.”

She shoved the shirt back at you angrily and you caught it with a laugh as she stood up. You kind of saw up her skirt and your face went hot again.

“I’m gonna actually w-wash my face, asshole.”

You looked away.

“Then go.”

Suddenly her hand was in your hair, she was yanking your head back to meet her eyes.

You didn’t know what expression you made, but it seemed to please her. Her smile was dripping with satisfaction.

“You w-wanna try bein’ a little nicer?”

“You wanna let go of me?”

She tilted your head to the side with a little frown. Your brain went static. 

“... Sol, sometimes... I can’t help but w-want to fuck w-with you...”

“The feeling’s mutual.”

Holy shit, what were you saying?

ED gave you a smug little smile.

“... consider it a fair trade for touchin’ my horns all the time?”

“That sounds fair.”

Who the fuck was in charge of your words right now? What facet of your personality did you need to take out with a sniper rifle as a matter of overall self preservation?

“I think it’s just a matter a equal ground...”

“Sure.”

Her smile got a little wider, she pushed her hand deeper into your hair. 

“I’m goin’ to the bathroom now.”

She forced you backwards without warning before releasing her grip and turning around to leave. So you had to flail to catch yourself on your hands and stop your head from hitting the floor as you fell.

You watched her walk out of the room and down the hall with your heart beating wildly in your throat.

What the hell was wrong with you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Sollux...  
> You can't resist the sexy demon babe. She just gonna keep being sexy.


	34. Know Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Minor Character Death

**Be Kanaya: Know Better**

You’d been watching from the downstairs bedroom, through a little scrying portal you’d made in the wall, and you weren’t really surprised by the events that played out. 

Eridan was bound to feel shame and remorse for her earlier actions on Earth now that she could, and you knew it was just a matter of time before she revealed them to Sollux. Of course it would be an emotional and rather tumultuous conversation. But they found they’re way out of the weeds, as you knew they would.

What surprised you happened after the conversation.

Sollux conceding to her. Allowing Eridan to touch her in a way comparable to the permission she had granted for Sollux to touch her horns. You almost stepped in, but it seemed mutual, natural. You weren’t even sure what you’d be stopping.

Sollux seemed a little surprised too, but mostly fascinated. Whether by Eridan’s behavior or by her own you weren’t sure. 

You made your way back to the living room to check on her after Eridan had gone to the bathroom.

She had fully reclined, laying flat on her back on the floor, covering her face with her forearm.

“Sollux, are you alright?”

She chuckled dryly without removing her arm.

“... you’ve been watching this whole fucking time, huh?”

“Yes. Just to make sure nothing actually violent happened, although there is a very low chance of that given Eridan’s... attachment to you.”

“You just sit back and let us get all up in each other's business... Are you getting off on this KN?”

“No. Though, I am in fact, rather jealous of you. Not in any sexual manner, of course.”

She groaned softly.

“... please, don’t go there...”

“Why... do you find it repulsive?”

She sat up suddenly, she seemed irritated.

“Given the fact I’ve been marked for this bullshit since birth, and you soulsucking assholes clearly protect your investments, you know I’m fucking not.”

“I wouldn’t want to assume... I know some sex repulsed or otherwise uninterested individuals participate in the act for other reasons.”

She snorted a laugh and clambered to her feet.

“Are you an expert on human sexuality or something? “

“Not necessarily human... demons experience a similar range of those traits. We were all human at some point and I suspect, though there is no concrete proof of this, that those traits carry on in us up until the point we can no longer feel or express them.”

“When’s that exactly?”

You could hear Eridan coming back down the hall. You chose your words carefully.

“It is different for each of us. Sometimes it takes only a few deaths before a demon will be left with nothing but the instinct to survive, and to kill. Others can die hundreds of times before they reach that point. Either way... the goal is not to find out for as long as possible.”

“How long have you been alive then... since you’ve never died?”

“26 years.”

Eridan stepped out of the hall from behind you.

“I guess you can figure out how old I am then Sol?”

Sollux cocked her head to look at her. 

“In total, yeah.”

Eridan narrowed her eyes at her.

“Isn’t that the number that matters?”

You knew it wasn’t. Not to demons, and especially not to her. But you held your tongue. This was yet again another battle between them that you were best suited to observe and not to engage in.

Sollux got that look in her eyes, you had noticed it before. She had spotted a weakness in Eridan’s armor and now she was going to pry it open.

She folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the counter. Nonchalance for the sake of letting Eridan know she saw through her.

“I don’t know. If it is to you... How many times have you died ED?”

Eridan’s posturing would have made another demon think twice about pushing the issue, especially if they knew how strong she was, but Sollux was not affected by such things. Not anymore.

“Four times.”

“How long since the last time you bit the dust?”

This was it. The moment where the wall would crumble or be fortified. 

Eridan looked away, bit her lip.

“... thirteen years. This is... the longest stretch a time I’ve been aliv-ve. Consecutively speakin'.”

And there it went. Tumbling down like it had never been.

It made your heart swell with pride, but also ache with guilt. With jealousy. That Sollux would succeed where you had failed. You knew logically, that she had an advantage that you could never have, that she was healing Eridan in ways you never could.

She was human, and you were not.

No matter how much you wished you were.

You had given up part of your soul, your humanity, to keep living. To create a body when you should have passed on. You had accepted the consequences, the violence, the pain. The suffering. You had chosen this. No distinction could be made between your soul and your consciousness.

You knew better than that.

You wished you didn’t.

**Be Ross: Midnight**

You sat in the car outside your house for hours, after dropping off Joan and then Dove.

You hadn’t spoken to your dad in months. Not long after he had bought you the house. Since he had given you the deed, or really stuck it to the fridge in a chain of passive aggressions dancing around the idea of you moving out. 

You weren’t sure why you hadn’t just moved out before that, but you just hadn’t.

But seeing the deed in the ornate magnetic golden frame you had left for him, as a suggestion for the professionally calligraphied note he had attached via a simple black magnet to the fridge door, it felt like permission.

Suddenly you didn’t care about the ironic thing to do.

You moved in the next day. 

He deposited huge amounts of money into your bank account every month. Most of which you didn’t use. You funneled the excess into several different charities and multiple savings accounts dedicated to your friends, your business, and funds for victims of supernatural events should they need it.

You were good with money, but you didn’t care about it.

Did you even care about him? Did you care about your dad?

You did.

You dialed.

He answered on the third ring.

“Ross?”

“Hi, Dad.”

He sighed over the line.

“Doc Scratch told you to call... didn’t she?”

Fuck. She was connected to Sollux’s situation. Without a doubt now. You kept your voice calm.

“If Doc Scratch is the name of being who so often speaks to me through my bowling ball, then yes.”

“... You still usse that?”

It sounded like he was smiling. It also sounded like he was drunk.

“Yes. It works well... because of you...”

You were crying. Why were you crying?

“You wold have called even if... she hadn’t told you too...”

“Y-yes...”

He was dying. You knew that now.

“I alwayss thought... it was so cute. You were so damn serius... as a kid. But then you’d turn around and do the sillest - silliest things... w-when I gave you that u put it on a pedestal... and you’d move it around... so I’d run into it... you broke my foot. Remember that?”

He wasn’t that old. He shouldn’t be dying. Why was he dying?

“Dad... why...?”

“... A long time ago... I made a deal... with demns. Demons. Ross, I know u know... what that means...”

You sobbed, you were so angry. How could he do that to you?

“Why?!”

“Becauys... there were things I wented to know, I had to know. I thought it was worth it. If I could help humanity, if could understand whatss out ther how it all werks I could fix things. An then I... found you... Fuuck, I told you u were adopted right??”

You laughed through your tears. Even though it wasn’t funny. None of this was funny.

“Yes! You fucking told me. You told me all the time. Ross, I love you. P.S. You’re adopted. P.P.S. I still love you. P.P.P.S But don’t forget, you’re adopted.”

“I’m sor- ry. I forgot. Sobriete had left the sata- station... One last huzzah since I have... till midnight. By my calculations. This... it was always goin to hapen. I c-couldn’t tell you... I - I didn’t know how... I was hoping you w-wouldn’t call... I wanted you to think... I died natur-ally...”

“I can’t believe this... You traded your soul...?! Your fucking life for information?! About what?!”

“About the universe Ross. About aallll three of em. I extended my contrac through Doc Scrat-ch... I did work for her... reserch, b-but the demon I made it wth... poof! They’re gone now, an all outstanding contracts end on exspiration of the demon who holds it. Soo...”

“You’re going to die.”

It was like a rock in your stomach. Cold and heavy and unmovable.

“Yes...”

You were so angry. You’d never been more angry.

“Why didn’t you fucking call me?! Why didn’t you tell me?! I could’ve helped... I could’ve been there for you!!”

“You were here for me... for too long, you werre right here. I wantd you to start livin your own life, but you wouldn move out. But you’re out now, you’re doing good things. I made sure. You wouldn’t have to wurry about money -”

“I don’t care about money, Dad.”

“I know. Becaus you’re a good kid.”

There had to be a way to get him out of this. He couldn’t just die. 

“You can’t just walk into this with open arms, I can help you - we could build a bunker, a demon proof bunker and you could do your research from there and-”

“Ross! Hush...”

“No! There’s a way to get you out of this!”

“Listen... I’ve tried. Everything, everything... to stay here for you. But it’s not possible...”

“Dad...!”

“It’s almost midnight.”

You were crying so hard you felt like you couldn’t breathe, but you were still talking.

“You c-can’t go...! Who’s going to give me insincere gifts to mock my interests? Who’s going to obsessively frame every asinine little thing I do until I hate it?! Wh- who’s going to battle me for ironic superiority by putting so much weird shit on the fridge you can’t even fucking open it?!”

He laughed. 

“You have more family than just me. You’ve got some petty cool friends and they’ll be there fer you... Don’t... pull away from them now...”

“Please, don’t go...! I - I love you...”

“I’m goin... to hang up now...”

You wailed. You were making a noise you couldn’t control, from deep inside yourself. You could feel it. Death was coming for him. You couldn’t stop it.

“Ross... I love you. P.S You’re adopted. P. P. S I love you. P.P. PSss I’m sorry, if I hurt you, but I love you so much, and I hope you can forgive me. P.P.pppp S. I’m so proud of you. Good bye.”

The line went dead.

You threw your phone onto the passenger seat and drew your knees up to your chest.

You cried until the sun rose over the horizon.

Your dad was dead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was hard to write. I knew I was going to do it, but jeez it was rough.  
> bluuuuhhhuhuhuh  
> :(


	35. This Time

**Be Sollux: This Time**

You grinned. Thirteen years old. Since the last time she died at least.

Fucking hillarious.

“No wonder you’re so immature...”

“I am not!”

KN coughed gently.

“Maturity... is a difficult concept for us... We do not grow in the way humans grow, we come into existence as you see us now. The closest thing we experience is the gradual increase in strength and the growth of our horns, over time spent in one body.”

ED gave you a smug little smile.

“See? I ain’t immature, Sol.”

You couldn’t help but laugh.

“If you say so.”

“I do fuckin’ say so!”

Your phone went off in your pocket and you wiggled it out while ED fumed.

“Hold on... It’s JN.”

You walked away to answer the call, all the way to the window so they wouldn’t listen in on you. Well, they could still hear you, but they probably wouldn’t hear her.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey Sollux...”

Her voice sounded strained, dejected.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah... I’m- look, there's no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. Ross’s Dad... died last night. He... made a contract with a demon. And it expired.”

You felt numb.

“... What the fuck...”

“Ross is totally conked in the backseat right now. We’re driving up to his Dad’s place, me and Dove. He called the... His b-body is gone already... but there’s still stuff to take care of. He’s pretty sure his dad left stuff for him there.”

“... I’m... so sorry...”

She sighed heavily.

“... Me too...”

Your mind was racing. You hadn’t told him outright to call his dad. You had a feeling it was important. But you hadn’t just told him to. Why didn’t you tell him too?

“Do... you- JN, do you know if he called him? Last night did he call his dad?”

“H-he did. That’s how he knew... that he... Anyways, he wanted me to tell you... that Doc Scratch was involved.”

The bottom of your stomach dropped away.

Oh fuck.

“What?”

“Yeah... Seems like... this Scratch person is involved with a lot of shit. It might be related to your situation, or it might not be... we don’t know... But I think you should meet us up here.”

“Yeah... ok. I’ll come up.”

“We’re going to spend the night... At least that’s the plan. Or we might get a hotel if it’s too-” 

You heard DV say something in the background.

“... Spooky, yeah. But I’ll text you the address. Come as soon as you can, Kay?”

“Will do. I’ll text you when I’m on the way. Tell RS... tell him I’m sorry...”

“Hey, you can tell him yourself... Remember, even if this is related to your sitch, someone else put this shit in motion...”

“I know... I just... I should’ve fucking known. I should’ve-”

You were tearing up.

“Sollux. You’ve told me a gazillion times your psychic stuff isn’t perfect... You can’t blame yourself for not predicting something that we probably wouldn’t have been able to stop anyways.”

You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand. 

“... Yeah, you’re right. I’m gonna go... get my stuff together. I’ll see you soon.”

“See you soon, dude.”

She hung up, and you lowered the phone. 

ED and KN were staring at you.

Eridan stepped towards you. Concern all over her face.

“Sol... w-what’s wrong?”

“... RS... his dad died last night. Some demon deal.”

Her eyes widened, her mouth parted.

She looked at Kanaya, and he seemed shocked. Sad.

“Oh. Oh no...”

“Did you know about this? Did either of you know about this?!”

They both shook their heads no.

“No. I did not.”

“Doc Scratch was involved. Don’t fucking lie to me KN.”

KN stepped towards you.

“Sollux... Doc Scratch is involved in many things. I do not doubt her involvement, but please... don’t doubt me when I say... I did not know. I did not instigate this.”

You stared at him.

He met your gaze.

You trusted him.

“Ok... I believe you. Can you... can you try to find out what happened?”

“I will do my best. There are some... informants I can get in contact with. They may know more about this situation.”

“Thank you.”

KN gave you a small sad smile.

“Of course.”

“I’m going to... go meet them at his house. I’ll be gone until sometime tomorrow.”

Panic flashed over Eridan’s face.

“W-wait, Sol?!”

“You have to stay here ED. This is... this is too private for me to drag you along.”

Her bottom lip wobbled. She looked at Kanaya like she expected him to object, but he only nodded his agreement.

“You know best. Would you allow us to put our contacts into your phone before you leave? In case you need to reach us?”

You grinned and walked over to hand him your phone.

“Yeah. Her phone doesn’t work though...”

He gave her a gentle nudge with his elbow and she huffed.

“I’m aware. That’s what I went to retrieve earlier. A new phone, that will hopefully receive better care now that it's owner has learned what not to do if it ever gets too tired to open.”

ED rolled her eyes.

“Jeez Kan... I get it.”

He took your phone and started inputting the numbers, his claws tapping delicately on the screen.

“I will put her new number in as well, please call if you need anything. I will reach out to my contacts today and I should receive word in a few days or so if anything is discovered.”

“I... appreciate it. I’m sure RS will too.”

“Please give him my condolences. I understand losing a parent is an event of unimaginable pain.”

“... Me too.”

You looked at ED, and she looked away sharply. Trying to hide the purple in her cheeks.

“Tell him I’m sorry too.”

It made you smile. You knew she didn’t like him, but she meant it.

“I will.”

KN handed you your phone back and you shoved it back in your pocket.

“Ok. I gotta get ready to go... I’ll see you both later.”

Kanaya gave you a soft smile.

“Goodbye Sollux. Drive safely.”

“Thanks...”

You looked at ED. She was looking at the floor.

“Bye ED.”

She hugged you suddenly, tightly. 

You hugged her back after a moment. Resting your chin on her head in between her horns.

“Hey... You know I’m coming back, right?”

She squeezed you tighter for a second with a low growl bubbling out of her throat.

“If you don’t I’m gonna fuckin’ tear them apart. Ev-ven the one w-who makes good food.”

You snickered.

“I’ll let them know. And I’ll be careful not to fall down any stairs or anything.”

“... W-why can so many things fuckin’ kill you?”

“Under paid engineers.”

She pushed you away and met your eyes.

“Sol. I’m serious. Don’t fuckin’ die.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise?”

Her gaze was so intense. This should have been a bit, but you felt your grin slide off your face, you felt a lump rise in your throat. To her, this was serious.

“I promise.”

She bit her lip and then nodded sharply. She didn’t want you to leave.

“Alright... get the fuck out of here then.”

“Ok. I’ll see you soon ED.”

“Bye Sol.”

You wanted to say something more, but you weren’t really sure what. You nodded and turned around, snatching your snotty shirt from the floor to throw in your laundry basket before you left.

You saw her wrap her arms around KN and bury her face in his chest out of the corner of your eyes as you walked out the door.

It made you feel guilty. But you couldn’t bring her with you.

Not this time.

**Be Eridan: Fuck Yes**

You buried your face in Kans chest as soon as she was out the door to hide your tears.

You were freaking out. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Sol wasn’t supposed to be able to just up and run away from you. You also weren’t supposed to be crying every five minutes, but you felt pretty resigned to that now.

“Kan..! W-why did you let her leav-ve?!”

He rubbed your shoulders soothingly.

“Because this is important to her.”

You dug your claws into his robe.

“I thought she w-was supposed to stay! I thought w-we w-were supposed to stay fuckin’ close to each other and that’s w-what-”

“Hush! It’s different now that we know what binds you together is your souls. You may experience some discomfort due to the distance, but it won’t affect the strength of your bond. And Sollux is right. You cannot go with her, but she will come back.”

“How-w the fuck do you know?!”

He was unphased by your rage.

“She promised you, didn’t she?”

She did.

You slumped against him. You were so tired. The feelings never stopped. They just kept going and changing and going on and on, forever. How did you used to live like this?

You sniffled pathetically.

“... w-why is this so hard Kan...?”

He made a soft cooing noise and you returned it instinctively. You regretted pushing him away so much. He had only ever been there for you. Cared for you. You were the one who had rejected him when he started questioning your behavior. You knew that was wrong now. Or maybe you always knew, but you just didn’t care at the time. You weren’t capable of it.

You squeezed him tighter.

You were so lucky.

“It was never going to be easy Eridan. But you’ve progressed in leaps and bounds despite that and I’m very proud of you. I know you feel... erratic right now. But there are things we can do to help you channel your frustrations and regain more control of your emotions. Perhaps, even reign in your crying...?”

You chuckled damply against him. You had stopped crying for the time being, but that could change. It took very little to make you cry these days.

“Oh yeah...? Like w-what?”

“Well... I think regular exercise would do you good... and I think it time to start looking at activities you want to do while you’re here.”

You pulled away from him with a groan of frustration and wiped at your eyes.

“W-why does everyone think there are things I should w-want to do here? I aven’t spent more than six hours total on Earth before this, Kan. It’s not like I ev-ver fuckin’ thought about it.”

“So now’s the time to start thinking about it.”

You sighed and scratched your head. You really had no idea where to start. 

“... Do you ave any suggestions... or...? I mean... w-what is there to ev-ven do here exactly?”

He gave you a tiny smile that did nothing to hide his excitement from you. Kan relished any opportunity to show you what he thought was best for you. Meddling fucking bastard.

“Why don’t we go shopping? And we’ll toss around some ideas.”

You narrowed your eyes in suspicion.

“Shoppin’ for w-what?”

“Furniture.”

That sounded tedious and dumb.

“Oh... can w-we do somethin’ else?”

“No.”

“Ugggh Kaan...”

He pulled some keys out of the pocket of his robe and dangled them in front of you.

“I’ll let you drive.”

You glared at him for a moment before you snatched them out of his hand.

“Alright, fine. But don’t tell Sol! She get’s all fuckin’ tightassed about it an it’s annoyin’.”

He beamed at you.

“See? There’s one idea already.”

You blinked at him.

“..I didn’t ave an idea.”

“Well, I did. You could go to driving school and get your license.”

You scoffed and turned around to start walking out the door.

“... Let’s keep thinkin’ a ideas Kan...”

He followed you eagerly.

“It wouldn’t take long since you already know how.”

You spun around to address him, still walking backwards.

“Or... Hear me out. I could just steal a bleedin’ license an not do the school part. Cause that sounds fuckin’ stupid.”

“It would get Sollux off your case.”

You grumbled as you spun around to open the door and stepped outside. It would be nice to not have her yell at you when you wanted to drive. But going to human school? For something as easy as driving their cars? You would have to weigh the pros and cons.

“...I’ll think about it, alright?”

He shut the door behind you with a pleased little smile.

“Alright. Should we get lunch first?”

God, you loved him.

“Fuck yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious and not serious stuff happening at the same time.   
> It's a very split down the middle story. Fer sure fer sure.


	36. Escape The Suburbs

**Be Sollux: Escape The Suburbs**

You rushed home and gave MT a brief run down as you threw some clothes in your backpack. You shot Sai a text too. She was out walking the dogs, so she couldn’t actively stop you, but she didn’t seem to want to anyways. Your family was so supportive sometimes it was disgusting.

You threw your backpack in the front seat and started driving to the nearest gas station. The address JN had sent you was a two and half hour drive away.

How did RS even get to school when he lived there?

You had to get something to eat too. You couldn’t make this drive on a banana. Especially given how drained you were from fighting with ED. Again.

You drove to the nearest fast food joint and got yourself a meal, stopping to use the restroom too, before you texted JN that you were on the way and started driving in earnest.

You waited till you were on the highway before you fumbled your phone out of your pocket one handed. 

This was gonna be a long drive. You might as well get something done during it.

You held your phone up so it could hear you.

“Call AA.”

**Be Eridan: Grief In Ikea**

Shopping for furniture was actually kind of fun. Mostly because you got to make fun of human things with Kan. It was a good distraction from the feeling of Sol getting further and further away from you, and you appreciated it.

You were in another huge building filled with furniture and fake bedrooms and uncomfortably white lighting, and he had found another absurd piece of decor.

“Now what is this hideous thing?”

You walked around it to investigate.

It was a squat silver lump, covered in unattractive bumps all over except for the top. Which was flat but it had a large hole in it.

“I think... it's a primitiv-ve toilet.”

“Oh dear... what a horrible design for a toilet.”

An employee materialized at his elbow.

“This is just the base for a wide variety of light fixtures that also doubles as a coffee table. If you like-”

“No one w-wants anythin’ that disgustin’ lookin’, even if it comes w-with a light fixture.”

The human looked at you, but then their eyes seemed to slide away and they turned back to Kanaya.

“We have many exciting-”

“Honestly! Lights only make it fuckin’ w-worse. Just illuminatin’ the ugly at that point.”

The human blinked at you. They squinted at you for a second before they seemed to realize that you were in fact there.

“I think if you see it all together-”

Kan rested his hand on their shoulder.

“If you don’t mind, we are not in any need of assistance. Please find someone else to attend to.”

The human nodded eagerly and left, looking a little glassy eyed but otherwise unharmed.

You watched them walk away with a strange feeling in your gut.

“Kan... w-why can’t they see me?”

“They can... but I believe your glamour is mostly telling them to disregard you. If you want to hold their gaze you have to actively keep their attention or try to influence them specifically to do so.”

You huffed and kicked the stupid table-lamp over with a clang. It disgusted you.

“How the fuck am I supposed to do anythin’ here if I can barely get the humans to acknowledge me?”

You followed him sullenly as he wandered down another aisle.

“Well... I do think... there may be a solution... but the person I planned to speak to about it might be less disposed to helping either of us now.”

“W-what are you talkin’ about?”

“An amplifier... Now, I could not provide you with some amulet or token designed to amplify any magical ability you have left, because that would be breaking the law. Do you like this color for the curtains?”

You rolled your eyes.

“It’s gorgeous Kan.”

He frowned, inspecting the packaging.

“I love the color... but the texture... It’s not quite right.”

“So... you’re sayin’ you can’t help me then?”

“Yes. But that doesn’t mean someone else can’t.”

Your eyes widened in realization.

“... The w-witch.”

“Yes... I do believe Ross would be able to construct something to help you with your glamour problem. Which, of course, I would firmly object to if I knew about it.”

He winked at you and you grinned.

“But w-why wouldn’t he help us...? Or, I mean, me?”

He sighed, inspecting another package of curtains.

“If his father has just paid his mortal soul to another demon, and if, indeed, Doc Scratch is involved, I doubt he would be foaming at the mouth to spend more time with either of us.”

“I mean... w-we ain’t responsible... I get bein’ upset about it but it’s not like you can just go around blamin’ w-whoever.”

“That’s not how grief works...”

“How w-would you know Kan?”

He seemed to decide on his curtains and threw two of the packages into his basket.

“Well... I have grieved for you every time you died. I know a little on the subject.”

You looked away. If anyone would, it would be him.

“Oh.”

“And I know you have been grieving for Tavros.”

A lump appeared in your throat.

“It’s just cause I sw-wore to protect them an... I failed. I know they’re coming back. Or they came back.”

“But part of their soul is now gone. They'll never be as you once knew them.”

You spun towards him furious.

“Shut up Kan! I d-don’t...! I don’t w-want to fuckin’ hear that... Tav is fine. They’re stronger than anyone gav-ve them credit for. They’re fine.”

“Eridan... it’s ok to grieve.”

You shook your head furiously. Trying to rid yourself of the urge to cry.

“No. I’m fuckin’ sick a bein’ sad...”

He sighed.

“I understand. But it is the price of our lives... The pain you feel. I feel it too.”

You looked at your feet. He was right. This was the price you paid to keep existing.

“I don’t know if it’s w-worth it...”

He tilted your chin up gently with a few fingers so you could meet his eyes.

“I confess, I also feel that way from time to time. But our souls have already made the decision, so to speak. We might as well make the most of it.”

You nodded sharply and he let you go and turned to walk down the aisle. You followed him until he stopped again to look at something. Thinking about Tav made you feel horrible. You didn’t know if you deserved to feel better, but you wanted to.

“Hey Kan... Do you know?”

He smiled at you softly, putting the blanket he had been inspecting back on the shelf.

“Do I know what?”

“... If Tav is alright? If they... made it out?”

“They did.”

Your heart jumped into your throat.

“D-do they know...? That I’m up here? That I’m not in the Pit anymore?”

He shook his head sadly.

“I was forbidden to tell anyone who knew you, excluding some former co-workers who have been involved in the process and have received the same instructions.”

“... Do - do you think you could tell them anyw-ways?”

You needed to apologize to them. You had to see what you had done to them. What they were like now.

He smiled at you warmly even as he shook his head no again.

“My behavior is being monitored rather closely when I’m in Hell, it would risk their safety and my own to tell them. I do believe I will be allowed to tell Tavros at the end of the month. Provided that everything goes well. And at that point, I also believe you will be allowed to have visitors.”

“Really?!”

You could handle a month. A month was nothing.

“Yes. But... for the time being I hope you can stomach my constant company.”

You grinned at him. 

“I think can fuckin’ manage.”

“Good. Would you like to help me find some chairs for the counter?”

You let out a short sarcastic laugh.

“Like I ave a choice...”

“You could choose to leave.”

You shook your head no. You weren’t going to blow Kan off anymore. You’d done that enough before and he deserved better.

“Can w-we get the... the spinny kind?”

“Maybe...”

He flushed slightly.

“If they have one strong enough to support my weight.”

You laughed at that and grabbed his hand. Dragging him towards the area where the chairs were. 

You could feel Sol’s distance at the edge of your consciousness, like a headache that hadn’t formed yet. You were determined to ignore it.

You were Eridan fucking Ampora and no stupid soul bond was going to make you cry all day. You were stronger than that. You could get through this.

And besides, you had something to look forward to now. Seeing Tav’ sweet face one more time. You could hardly wait. Even if they really did hate you. You just wanted to see them alive.

You needed to see them alive.

One more time.

  
  


**Be Sollux: Catch Up**

You’d been putting off telling AA anything. He didn’t know about the deal or Eridan and Kanaya or literally a single goddamn thing about your life now. You got his happy birthday message and at the time you were too shell shocked to even know how to start.

And it only got harder. Every time you sat down to type a message to him you got overwhelmed by how much more there was to say than the day before. He knew something was up though. You were normally online a lot more than you had been in the last week. 

Shit, it had been a week. Since she showed up at the grocery store.

Your life had taken so many fucking turns since then.

He’d sent you several messages telling you to call him as soon as you got a chance, and that it really didn’t matter when you did. 

He was out of work and school for the time being, and you knew he meant it. You had sent him a response saying you would. But you hadn’t found the time or energy to actually call him. Until now.

He answered immediately and hearing his voice was a bigger relief than you anticipated. Any sliver of normalcy tasted so sweet now.

“Sollux? Finally... I thought you’d never call.”

“Hey AA. Sorry. It’s been a... hot minute. Holy shit, so much has happened. I’m driving to... My friend RS. His dad died, I’m going to meet him and the other two nerds at his house, but it’s like two hours away so I figured I’d call.”

“Whoa, what? First of all since when did you consider this Ross guy a friend. Should I be jealous?”

You smirked at that.

“Since... my birthday, I guess. And no. He’s as creepy as you are, but you have dibs on my heart.”

He chuckled over the line.

“Good to know. And I guess, secondly... I’m sorry to hear about his dad. Can I ask what happened?”

“Yeah... it was a demon deal. He traded his soul for something. I don’t know what. I actually... don’t know fucking anything. That’s why I’m heading up there, and obviously... to be there for RS. If he doesn’t try to punch me first. I feel like he might take a swing at me for some reason. The only thing I know about it... is that it might be related to my situation.”

There was a pause.

“What’s your situation?”

You cleared your throat.

“So... remember a week ago... when a demon showed up at my work and trashed the fucking place?”

“Yeah. That was the last actual conversation we had. What happened?”

“I’m... uh. Engaged. To that demon now.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

He laughed.

“Sollux, that is a terrible joke. It doesn’t even make sense...”

You chuckled a little yourself. If only.

“I know... AA, it’s not a joke. I’m literally engaged to a demon.”

“... what the fuck?”

“Hey. That’s my catchphrase.”

“Sollux! Seriously. What the fuck? Engaged. What the hell does that mean?”

You couldn’t help but laugh.

“I was saying the exact same thing, less than a week ago. So buckle the fuck up. Because I’m about to tell you the craziest shit ever shat. And I’m half blind here. So there’s a lot of stuff... I don’t even freaking know... Just as a forewarning.”

“... Ok. I know you know what face I’m making. But I’m making the face!”

“I’m picturing it. It’s in my brain, the face has been received. You ready for this, AA?”

“Yes! Hurry up and tell me already!”

You took a deep breath. And you told him everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aradia finally comes chugging into the station. Toot Toot! It's the plot train. Or the feelings train? It could be either honestly. I'm still winging it.  
> I'm doing like a godtier Aradia. I guess...? She (he in this universe) has so many personalities and I like all of them but I think godtier is the most accessible.  
> Also the coming of Tavros has been foretold! I'm excited to try writing them. When we get there. In three weeks of storytelling time. Yikes.


	37. Keep Busy

**Be Eridan: Keep Busy**

You didn’t feel hungry. You ate because Tuna and Kan expected you too. And it tasted good despite your lack of interest in it. But your stomach felt leaden. You felt leaden.

“Eridan.”

Your focus snapped back to your surroundings.

“W-what?”

Kan smiled at you gently.

“Why don’t we go for a run?”

More distractions. You needed those. You needed to keep busy.

You forced a smile onto your face.

“Yeah. Let’s ave a race Kan. I’ll kick your ass.”

He smirked at you. Long legged freak.

“We’ll see.”

**Be Sollux: Get Predictably Punched**

“So... after all that... you care about the demon now?”

You sighed.

You were driving through the redwoods now. It was green and cool underneath them, the roads thinner and twistier than ever.

“Yeah. I do. It’s fucking weird AA. I can’t seem to... help it. I can... sense how far away she is from me too. And it feels really goddamn shitty.”

“Because you’re driving away from her?”

“Seems like. It’s like a headache... that’s not a headache.”

“Why didn’t you just bring her with you? The other’s have met her already, right?”

“Uh... I didn’t exactly secure an invitation for my demon entourage. And I don’t think RS... would be able to handle seeing them right now. I mean just... empathetically speaking, if a demon just took my mom’s soul I think I’d try to kill the next one I saw.”

“... I suppose I would do the same. I don’t know if you should be driving if you don’t feel good though.”

“I’m almost there, so I think I’ll be ok. I’m about to lose service though.”

“Ok. I’ll let you go then. Just make sure to message me on whatever when you get there so I know you're alive. Otherwise I’ll send in the ghost patrol to find you and slap you around.”

“What if I’m dead though?”

“Then they’ll slap your corpse around silly!”

You laughed.

“That would be hilarious, but I promised ED I wouldn’t die. So we’ll have to postpone the corpse slapathon for another day.”

“Lol. You’re breaking up- Bye- Sol- x!”

“Bye AA.”

The call dropped and you drove slowly around the bend, to a hairpin turn leading up a steep forested hill.

You prayed to anything that might be even remotely benevolent that your car would make it up. You would be so fucked if it didn’t.

You crawled upwards as fast as you dared, google told you just had to follow the road and the house would be at the top, and there were no other houses on the road, not a single turn off, so there was no real danger of you getting lost.

Finally you crested the top of the hill and you couldn’t believe what you saw.

A huge white modern house, built low to the ground with giant windows all along the front. The river you saw cutting through the redwoods below seemed to flow underneath it, from the higher slopes behind the house. 

There was a huge statue of a wizard in front of the house.

You recognized RS’s car out front and you parked next to it, shaking your head in disbelief.

You knew his dad was rich, but this said millionaire, billionaire even. Who the hell was this guy?

You grabbed your backpack and got out of the car.

You still didn’t have wifi, but you had great service all the sudden so you sent AA a message telling him you’d arrived, as well as one to your mom and sister while you looked for the door.

You called JN when you didn’t spot an obvious entrance.

“Hey Sollux! You here yet?”

“Hey JN... I’m here. I parked next to RS but I have no idea where the door is.”

“Hold on... stay where you are. It’s not immediately obvious.”

“Does that mean it’ll become obvious...?”

Suddenly one of the white panels on the side of the house slid up, revealing a grinning JN.

“So freaking obvious.”

You hung up the call and made your way over. 

“This is some real Star Trek bullshit.”

“Oh, I know! Wait till you see the rest. It's a technological chocolate factory in here. Also... full of wizards.”

You laughed as you stepped inside and scuffed your sneakers on the mat.

“I take it the statue is just the tip of the iceberg?”

She nodded vigorously and removed her hand from a glowing panel, and the door slid back into place.

You followed her down the hall, squeezing past a life sized wizard statue extending his staff, which was actually a coat rack. There were a few small purple sweaters and some labcoats on it.

You felt a little bad for doubting RS when he told you how obsessed his dad was with wizards.

“I guess Ross had to like, give the paramedics super specific instructions to get inside, he had to like override the system basically.”

“That checks out... Where is he by the way?”

“He’s taking a nap in his room right now... He’s been on the phone with his dad’s lawyers for like three hours straight...”

“Jesus. How is he... how is he holding up?”

She sighed and shook her head as you walked into another room, basically a huge living room area with a giant kitchen full of empty shelves, a sunken living room area and so many wizard statues and crystal balls, and a crazy view of the sky.

DV was sitting on one of the couches, next to another life sized wizard made of legos and shrouded in a knitted robe decorated with bows.

She looked up from her phone as you walked into the room and took it all in.

“Sup Sollux. No demons?”

You shook your head no

“I didn’t think it would be a good idea. Given the situation.”

“I agree. Besides we don’t know if they’re... uh. Responsible.”

“They’re not.”

JN folded her arms over her chest.

“How do you know?”

You rolled your eyes.

“I asked them. KN is going to poke around Hell and see if he can find anything out for us though.”

“Yeah. But... what if they’re lying to you? I don’t think we should trust them.”

“I trust them.”

You held her gaze until she understood how serious you were. She nodded sharply.

“Ok. Well, I trust you. So that narrows things down a bit...”

DV snickered.

“I’d definitely call every demon ever, just not those two, a narrow list of suspects.”

“Hey, it’s what we got. And Ross still hasn’t told us everything that he knows...”

You fake coughed into your hand to get their attention.

“Sorry to cut this conversation short. But I need to take a piss.”

“Right! Yeah, sorry dude ... This way.”

You followed JN down another hallway under the stairs to a regular looking door.

You excused yourself to take a much needed bathroom break. It looked fairly normal, but really fancy and painfully modern. Like the rest of the house.

You splashed some water on your face after you washed your hands, because that usually made you feel better when you had a headache. But this wasn’t a headache, and it didn’t make you feel better.

She was so far away.

A wave of panic and longing crashed over you and you leaned your head against the mirror and tried to force it down to a manageable level. Stupid fucking soul bond. You had a fair amount of practice ignoring unpleasant sensations as a sheer matter of survival, so it wasn’t that hard.

You just put it in a box, and then shoved that box as deep down as you could.

If you didn’t think about it, if you didn’t acknowledge it, you could get through it. 

You heard yelling outside and you rushed out of the bathroom to see what was going on, stopping short when you saw RS. 

He was standing at the foot of the stairs, looking at you. His eyes were pulsing with energy, lavender and white, his aura was huge, thorny. Enraged.

“Hey... RS.”

“... // _did you know?_ //...”

His voice didn’t sound right, like it was feeding back over itself in a deeper tone. He reminded you of KN when he lost control. 

“No. I didn’t know. I promise you, I didn’t.”

“ // _liar. you told me to call him_.//”

He stepped towards you, you could see JN on the floor looking terrified. DV climbing out of the sunken living room. He was exactly like KN when he lost control.

He was moving so fast you barely ducked his first punch. You didn’t manage the second and he clocked you so hard on the jaw you fell to ground.

He was still coming towards you, and you crawled backwards desperately. You were powerless and you had nowhere to go.

Suddenly, DV was in front of you. Even though you could still see her figure behind him. She stuck her foot out, just as the version of her behind him blinked out of existence.

It happened fast, in the blink of an eye, and RS tripped violently, his thin blonde dreadlocks making a halo around his head as he fell.

The glow in his eyes disappeared immediately as he hit the ground hard on his chin.

You were pressed against the door at the end of the hall, breathing heavily. He had completely collapsed in front of your sneakers.

You knew he was going to take a swing at you. You just didn’t know he was going to take two.

“... Holy shit...”

“Sollux, are you ok?”

“Uhh... I just got punched in the face, so I’m fucking great... Is he ok?”

DV bent down and checked his pulse.

“Just passed out. Dude, why didn’t you defend yourself?”

You staggered to your feet, rubbing your aching jaw.

“I’m a little low on psychic juice at the moment. ED’s been... taking a lot of my energy.”

“If your sex is that rough-”

“We aren’t having sex! Owww...fuck.”

You grasped at your protesting jaw.

DV snickered, and RS took a sudden gasp on the ground before he rolled over with a groan.

DV nudged him with her foot.

“... Ross, are you sane yet? Blink once for yes, twice for no.”

“... I assure you I’m perfectly sane... for the time being.”

He pushed himself into a sitting position.

“Sollux... I’m so sorry... I lost control of myself.”

Fuck, your jaw hurt.

“I saw that. If you’re open to criticism... don’t do that again?”

“I will try my best.” he said dryly as he stood up and brushed himself off.

JN had gotten up in the meantime and made her way over to the rest of you, concern all over her face.

“I’m so sorry I pushed you Joan...”

“It’s fine... are you ok?”

“Yes. Saving a sore jaw.”

You rolled your eyes.

“I guess we’re fucking even then.”

“C’mon let’s get some ice on you guys. And then maybe talk about what the hell just happened. Maybe...? Can we for once just do that instead of wigging out on each other?”

Ross gave her a small smile.

“I suppose.”

You followed them both into the kitchen and JN rummaged around in the freezer until she found bags of frozen veggies for the both of you to hold against your faces.

You all stood there in the kitchen, looking at each other in uncomfortable silence.

RS finally broke it with a sigh before he addressed you.

“So... you really didn’t know?”

You shook your head no, and pulled the bag away from your face a little so you could talk.

“I just... it seemed important that you call him. I didn’t have any predictions. And for what it’s worth... I’m sorry I didn’t. I don’t know if it would’ve stopped anything, but I would’ve warned you if I could.”

Ross looked at the ground, pain all over his face.

“Maybe it’s better this way. He told me... the demon who made the contract with him had stopped existing for good... and that meant he had to pay his debt, no matter what. The more I think about it the more it seems like his fate was sealed a long time ago.”

“So we can’t even make the soulsucker pay for killing him?” Dove spoke out beside you, rage boiling underneath her words.

He shook his head with a small wry smile.

“Apparently not. Though I’m not sure that would make me feel better anyways.”

“But... how is Doc Scratch involved in this then? You never explained that...” JN said, frowning.

“... I have been in contact with her for a long time without even knowing it. She is one of the beings beyond the veil I have been speaking to through my bowling ball. She claims to be both immortal and Omnipotent, though she never revealed her name to me... but when Sollux told us about her vision... I had a suspicion that they were the same being.”

“Why though? You talk to oodles of spirits through that thing. It’s like a goddamn ghost party in the veil the way you talk about. Chatty spirits up the wazoo.” DV said.

“Because in the vision, I could hear her voice inside my head.”

RS nodded his agreement.

“Yes. Once she makes contact with me I don’t have to maintain the connection to hear her voice, and the conversation only ends when she abdicates it. It’s obnoxious to say the least. But my dad. Named her, he claimed to work for her, and what’s more he implied that she helped him by doing so. He claimed Doc Scratch helped extend his contract.”

You nodded slowly.

“And... she told you to call him too. She must’ve known his contract was over for good.”

“So Doc Scratch... is responsible for putting Sollux in an arranged marriage but she’s also responsible for keeping your dad alive until now?” Joan said, confusion all over her face.

RS nodded.

“That seems to be the case.” 

Dove addressed him next.

“Gotta say. That’s a lot of mixed messages we’re getting from this posh cue-ball lady. What if it’s just one huge coincidence. Like does she even know you and Sollux know each other?”

“She does. She told me to give Sollux her regards the other day. I suspect that... she has a end goal and all these events are just leading up to it. A chess game she is playing with the universe.”

“Ok so... we stop her?” Joan said scratching her head and Ross sighed heavily.

“Not only do I not know if that’s possible, but I also don’t know if we should, even if we can. It all depends on what it is she’s trying to do.”

You leaned back against the counter. There was so much data to shift through now you were all talking openly.

“I might... have a little bit of any idea. From what I understand... ED’s friend got trapped in this place... at the edge of the universe, called the Furthest Ring with a bunch of monsters... And the only way to get there and save this guy, is to let Scratch fuck up the natural order by tying ED’s soul to our plane so she can make a rift to get him.”

DV gave you a look that expressed comical disbelief.

“Uhh the fuck? You’re telling me... all of this matrimonial rigmarole is to rescue a singular demon from space monsters? One demon. From Space Monsters.”

You shook your head no.

“KN told me Scratch has been trying to do this for thousands of years. Whatever fucking happened to this demon, it just happened. They said they know he’s alive because he’s been contacting a human in their dreams and then the human contacted them. It makes me think... that Scratch had something to with that too. That she made it happen because she knew ED would be willing to risk everything for Fef, and she’d agree to be my...”

You flushed and looked away. Calling her your fiance out loud seemed to imply a lot of things you weren’t ready to imply.

“Fiance.” RS said with a pointed smirk and you felt your face get even hotter.

JN folded her arms over her chest.

“So she wants to get to the Furthest Ring. Any idea why?”

RS looked at you pointedly again.

“Wouldn’t Kanaya know...?” 

You scoffed.

“He knows less than you think... also demons seem to think manipulating people is totally normal behavior and it doesn’t bug them that much so he probably wouldn’t even be upset about it even if that was the case.”

“I imagine that depends on the intended end result and the consequences of the manipulations. Also... do you happen to know the name of the human this Fef demon has been contacting?”

“Nope.”

DV cocked her head at him.

“What are you deducing over there Ross?”

“Who do we know who receives nightly visitors?”

You could feel Dove’s eyes getting bigger behind her glasses even though you couldn’t see them.

“Jade.”

“Wait, your internet friend?”

JN’s mouth dropped.

“Oh shit... Jade. Would he even know if it was a demon he's been hanging out with?” 

DV shrugged.

“I mean... they look way different than I thought they would, but he’s pretty sharp. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but not the dullest trowel either. Like a gently used rake in terms of overall sharpness. Besides how would he be able to contact other demons if he didn’t know?” 

You felt sick to your stomach. How far did this go?

“Holy shit. Did I drag you all into this? Even your friend who I’ve never fucking met?!”

Ross frowned sharply.

“No, Sollux. Remember my Dad made the deal that killed him before any of us were born. Doc Scratch has linked our fates for unknown reasons... and we may yet be playing along trying to deduce them.”

You groaned in frustration.

“What choice do we fucking have?! We can’t just accept some creepy headless bitch has been playing dollhouse with our lives! With our fucking parents lives! We have to find out what she wants.”

“I agree. But we have to be careful... and I think we have to accept... collectively, that we will all inadvertently further her agenda much more before we even begin to understand her motives.”

Joan spoke up suddenly.

“Not to... disagree. Exactly. But it really doesn’t seem like me and Dove have much to do with this. I mean, I’m just a girl who talks to ghosts and Dove can do her little time bending thing, but we’re not powerful like you two are.”

“Excuse me? I’m a fucking time bending badass.” DV said indignantly.

RS gave her a considering look. 

“Well... it’s true that neither of you possess psychic or overt magical abilities. But that makes me think one of two things. Either Doc Scratch has overlooked the two of you and therefore that makes you our greatest assets, or you both have some part yet to play. In either case, don’t sell yourself short Joan. You’re the only one of us who ever gets shit done.”

You laughed because it was kind of true. The three of you were sort of directionless without her. JN was the one who did all the research, who found cases and worked out how to solve them. JN was the one who convinced you to join them.

“Here’s to that.”

Dove offered Ross her fist and he bumped it, while Joan fidgeted bashfully.

“JN, you’re our fearless leader. What’s our next move?”

“Uhh... eat dinner?”

DV glanced at RS.

“No chance of a pizza delivery up here, huh?”

“I’m afraid not. It’s not exactly Domino's territory.”

Joan spun around and started poking through the cupboards

“I can whip something up. There’s plenty of noodles at least...”

You grinned.

“I didn’t know you could cook without dear old Ghostpa...”

JN snorted a short sarcastic laugh.

“How else was I supposed to eat growing up? My mom can’t cook... she can barely make a shitty box cake right.”

“That’s rough. You want some help?”

“Noo... I’ll make Dove help. You two keep icing your jaws.”

You glanced at RS and he gave you a wry smile before he walked out of the kitchen. You followed him to the window to look at the beginnings of the sunset.

The two of you stood there in comfortable silence for a while, holding your makeshift ice packs against your faces. You could hear Joan and Dove cracking jokes behind you in the kitchen but the vastness of the room made it hard to hear them.

You realized with a start he was crying silently.

You touched his shoulder gently.

“Hey... I’m sorry. About your dad.”

He sniffed and shook his head.

“I’m the one who should apologize. I... assigned blame to you for something that you have as little control over as I had over...”

“It’s ok. I know you loved him a lot... even when things were... tense between you.”

“I admired him. And I hated him. And I... loved him. He gave me a home... and I don’t know where I would’ve ended up otherwise.”

“Probably in some obnoxious white lady’s foster home.”

He laughed and met your eyes. His eyes seemed truly purple in the reddish light. He was lighter skinned than you, his skin was the color of chocolate milk, sprinkled with dark brown moles. 

You felt a sort of inherent solidarity with him, even from the first moment you met.

Being the spooky mixed kid with a single parent who looked nothing like you. You just lucked out getting MT to keep you company in public growing up. 

He had to go through it alone. 

He had to grow up alone in this huge house.

He wiped his eyes suddenly on the sleeve of his sweater and looked away.

“Anyways... the reason I thought we all needed to come up here is because he has a private lab. And if he was doing research for Scratch... there might be information for us there. Or maybe even equipment we can use... I’m not sure. And all of this belongs to me now apparently so no one will stop us.”

“Do you think you’re going to keep it?”

His lips twitched upwards at the corners.

“For the time being.”

“It's a pretty cool place.”

“A little dense on the wizard population though.”

“As long as you keep the big one... I think you’d still be honoring his spirit.”

“I actually love wizards.”

You laughed, because of course he did.

“God... the irony strikes again.”

“Honestly, in all the ways we’ve ever tortured each other... filling the house with wizards was probably the most devastating move he could have made. I’m still in awe.”

“RS... did it ever fucking occur to you that maybe your dad loved wizards too? I mean, no one erects a statue that big just to be a dick.”

He stared at you for a second, and then looked out the window at the statue for another long moment.

“... Fuck.”

“Sorry, did I just totally blow your mind?”

“Fuck! No, that makes it even more... it’s brilliant... I always thought I was so close to beating him in his little game... and the whole time he had already won.”

“Yeah. Your mind sounds blown. Consider that revenge for punching me in the face.”

“I thought we were even already.”

“Even, sure. But there’s no satisfaction for me in you bumping your chin cause DV time tripped you.”

“So satisfaction your main motivator?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know...”

“Y’know... I’m beginning to suspect we might actually be friends, Sollux.”

“I said that like three days ago, you don’t get credit.”

“Fair enough.”

You both fell silent again, watching the sun cast it’s final rays over the tops of the trees. You felt lucky to have friends.

You’d spent most of your life with just MT, and there was nothing wrong with that. That would have been enough. But finding AA, and then finding these guys, people who knew what it was like to live constantly knowing there was more out there, that there were forces at work beyond the mundane, it soothed anxieties you didn’t even know you had. 

Being alone was easier, but this felt better.

You knew they felt that way too. AA and RS and DV and JN.

If you ever met Doc Scratch you would thank her for dragging you all together with her schemes. And then you would exact your revenge for ruining your life and probably countless others. But you would say thanks first. It was only fair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Relationships I've never thought about have been developing between unexpected characters because of plot stuff. It's great and also exciting! Keeps things interesting to write.


	38. Win

**Be Kanaya: Win**

Beating Eridan in a race shouldn’t bring you the satisfaction it did, but given how she destroyed you in all other contests of strength and power, it brought you immense satisfaction.

You hadn’t technically won yet.

But she was so far behind you now, you could barely hear her shouted threats, so you were definitely going to win.

  
  


**Be Sollux: Haxxor Grrl**

After feasting on JN’s delicious noodly concoction, you didn’t know what it was called but it had a creamy sauce and chicken and sun-dried tomatoes and spinach in it, RS explained that his dad had specifically traded his mortal soul for knowledge about the universe, all three of them as it were.

He then told you all that it was high time you investigated the lab and led the three of you to two raised circular platforms in the far corner of the giant living room. In the center of each was a symbol made of interlocking triangles.

“These are transpotalizer pads. The one on the left leads exclusively to the lab, but the other one has adjustable coordinates and can transport you anywhere in the tri-state area.”

“That explains how you got to school everyday.” JN said with a chuckle.

You remembered where you’d heard that term before.

“Hey, the demons use these too. The transportalizer thing. It’s how they get up here. To this plane I mean.”

“So this wonder of demonic science can zap you somewhere, but how do you zap back? Do you just pop up somewhere in Utah and then it’s like ok, time to hitchhike home, hope I don’t get stabbed by a psychobilly trucker man tonight?” DV said with a small frown.

“If you don’t want to be standed you need a paired device that you can use to summon yourself back to the transportalizer. Mine is in the form of a fake watch. With that in mind, I suggest the three of you stay away from that one for the time being until I find something similar for you. Someone find me a shitty crystal ball or something to put on top of it so no one steps on it accidentally.”

“One poorly constructed crystine orb coming up, dawg.”

DV returned with a crystal ball from the coffee table, the base of which was a ceramic sculpture of a tiny wizard, summoning some kind of windy nonsense with his staff, and RS placed it gingerly on the rightmost platform.

“Alright, would you like to see me use the other one?”

“Uh... I guess. Yeah, that’d be cool.” JN said.

Ross smiled, stepped onto the platform and vanished. It happened too fast for you to see exactly what happened. There was the flash of black and white light like when the demons disappeared but there was no loud cracking sound or smell of burning hair.

“Wha-”

There was another flash and Ross reappeared and stepped down.

“See? Safe and effective.”

Dove’s jaw dropped.

“Quick! There’s a condom joke in there, someone make a condom joke before it’s too late.”

You snickered.

“The only possible joke would’ve been literally saying “Like a condom” but you blew it shitstain.”

“No, there’s gotta be a better one than that... that’s too goddamn basic.”

“Oh! Safe and Effective. Better than a condom.” Joan offered excitedly.

“That’s the one! Ross, run the line again.”

Ross smirked.

“Who needs a condom when you scare boys away before they even see your wand?”

Dove huffed.

“Dagnabit. You ruined my bid for humorous attention. You bitch slapped my desperate grab for the dribblings of innuendo based hilarity and left me sniveling on the floor like a snot nosed child while pointing the flashlight at your own face and basking in the glory of those cheaply bought giggles and the golfiest of claps. You stole my moment Ross and now there will be hell to pay. ”

“Dove, step on the transportalizer.”

She did as instructed and vanished.

“Ok, I’ll go next then...”

JN followed and RS gestured at you.

You swallowed and stepped onto the raised platform.

Everything went abruptly black and your eyes squeezed shut instinctively. It felt like your whole body was being compressed through a tube and then suddenly not. You were standing on a platform in another room.

You stumbled off it, feeling dizzy and a little nauseous just as RS appeared behind you.

“Are you guys ok?”

You looked up to see both JN and DV looking as disoriented as you felt.

“Ross a little warning next time would be nice... I’m not going to throw up. But it was closer than I prefer for a minute there.” JN said faintly.

“Oh... I’ve been using these my whole life. I guess I don’t register the discomfort anymore.”

You took a deep breath and straightened up. The lab was as big as the room you were just in, possibly bigger. There were four grids of fairly small humming green squares around the pad you had just stepped off and various mysterious machinery and monitors lining the walls.

“That checks out... ok, what are we looking for down here exactly?”

“I think the girls and I should start looking for any devices or machines that might be useful to us. And Sollux... I need you to hack into my dad’s computer terminal and find any files on what he was doing down here. And I mean anything. We don’t know what’s important yet so just grab whatever you find.”

You grinned, finally you got to do something fun.

“Ok, hold on let me check if I have a blank flash drive before I get into this...”

You pulled your keys out your pocket and flicked through the four flash drives you kept on the ring. The white and black ones were always full of viruses, but the blue and red ones you used for simple nonmalicious data, and neither of them had a piece of scotch tape on them to indicate they were full. 

“Yeah, we’re good here. Where’s this terminal?”

“Dude, I will never get over knowing a actual fucking hacker. So cool!”

JN offered you a fist and you gave her the cursory bump with a snicker.

“I’ll never get over someone thinking I’m as cool as actually fucking am.”

RS smirked at you.

“Like you need a bigger ego.”

“Shut up and let me be cool.”

“Come on Haxxor Grrl, I’ll show you the terminal.”

You followed him to one of the smaller monitors with a desk and a chair underneath. There was a regular keyboard and mouse plugged into the computer itself, which seemed to be built into the wall, one industrial sized brick of pure processing power.

You whistled in appreciation. Leaning down to investigate the panels for a usb drive. There were several, so your plan to steal it’s secrets was still intact. You popped another panel open to investigate the insides and whistled again. God, it was beautiful.

“This is some insane hardware RS. Did your dad build this?”

“Yeah, I think so. He was very... techy.”

“I don’t say this lightly, but this is genius level shit... And I am a genius. So that’s an officially approved and notarized seal of genius comput-building skillz.”

“Sollux... I cannot emphasize enough... how much I do not care about how technologically advanced this computer is. Can you get into it?”

You pushed the panel back into place.

“Have you ever tried to before?”

“Once... when I was teenager. I was unsuccessful. ”

“JN just pumped my ego up to record size, so I’m gonna say... fuck yeah I can get into this.... But otherwise my answer would be “ehhh probably.” In either case I’m gonna require you nerds to leave me alone for a few hours.”

“Of course... enjoy challenging my deceased father to a battle of wits and ingenuity for his secrets.”

“You ruin everything.”

“So I’ve heard.”

You rolled your eyes as he walked away and pulled your laptop out of your backpack and fished your earbuds and phone out of your back pocket. You sat down in the chair and pulled up a good repetitive long track to zone out to, turned off your notifications and set your keys on the desk for when it was time. You cracked your knuckles.

It was time to fuck some shit up.

  
  


**Be Eridan: Lose**

You were going to kill Kan when you caught up to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thye've entered THE LAB ~ spooky theremin noises ~


	39. Wrong and Right

**Be Sollux: Wrong and Right**

Ross’s dad was a genius.

And presumably he’d been a genius for longer than you’d been alive, so really you shouldn’t have been surprised that figuring out the password took you three hours.

Three excruciating, endlessly frustrating, hours, of trying to break the program that changed the required password every ten seconds. It was clear it was activated upon his demise, and it was ironclad, and had so many dormant viruses in the code, it made you want to marry his corpse out of sheer unadulterated respect. It was fucked up, but it was true. 

You spent three hours, running specs, trying to figure out how to halt the program, or get it to constantly generate the same password, only to find virus after conditional virus that would destroy the hard drive. You spent three hours shoving that horrible feeling down, the feeling of ED being too far away, the panic and the inexplicable longing.

Finally, you figured it out.

By the time you did, you were agonizingly close to losing control of the sensation your were stubbornly forcing yourself to ignore, but you were also so agonizingly close to getting into the stupid computer. You could lose your shit whenever. Password first.

You managed to edit the script, with a little trial and error, to change the program's perception of time, so ten seconds became ten years. You couldn’t change the ten increment, it set off a bunch of bad shit, so getting it to automatically change the password every ten years was the best you could do. And then with a little more trial and error, you were able to key smash your way into convincing the program to actually tell you what the generated password was.

You dug a post-it note out of your backpack and wrote it down.

The password was “W0nk!<3”. 

It seemed intentional but you weren’t going to go digging around for the proof. You believed, with 99% certainty, that the password would always be “W0nk!<3” if you managed to outsmart the auto password generator. Which was insulting as fuck.

You typed it in with bated breath.

It let you in.

You leaned back in the chair, to bask in your victory, and were promptly violently overwhelmed. 

It wasn’t like a headache anymore. It was so much worse. A migrane of inexplicable wrongness that filled your whole body with intense discomfort.

You missed her.

You were sobbing, you messed up. You needed ED. 

“Oh shit... Sollux are you ok?”

It was JN, you could barely see her face through the tears. You were currently in a tidal wave of intense regret, panic and an even more intense desire to see ED, and you couldn’t talk or move or think. Stupid fucking soul bond.

“Hey... guys! Hold on...”

She pressed your phone against your thumb to open it.

“OK. Yeah you’ve got a lot of messages, and phone calls... Oh shit. We’ll get you home, don’t worry.” 

You heard her walking away.

The wave dropped in intensity.

Home. ED. 

You staggered to your feet. Home. You had to go home now.

“Sollux hold on...! Dude!”

JN caught you as you nearly toppled over, trying to get to the transportalizer. 

“Should I punch her again? She can’t drive like that.”

DV shook her head.

“I never thought I’d say this. But... we’re well past punching her lights out. The last thing we need is a permanently broken psychic and two demons hunting us down for revenge...”

“Right, but what happened? She was fine a minute ago.”

Words, you could words.

“... ED...”

DV looked at you.

“Oh fuck.”

RS looked at you.

“Soul bond.”

JN huffed, swinging your arm over her shoulder so you could lean on her.

“Yeah, that’s what the messages said. We really have to get her home, guys. Bad shit could happen. Bad soul shit.”

“Ok, we transpotalizer her.”

“Would she even make it through that...?”

RS’s mouth made a sharp stern line.

“She might pass out, but she won’t get hurt. Consciousness isn’t a requirement. But coordinates are. Give me her phone. I need to call Kanaya. Joan, take her upstairs, put her on the couch.

“Gotcha. Dove... grab her crap and meet me up there?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

JN helped you walk to the platform, and pulled the both of you onto the middle.

You did black out for a second, but you didn’t fully pass out, and you were able to stagger off the platform leaning on Joan.

She steered you to the couch as DV transportalized back into the living room. This was embarrassing. 

“... thorry, JN... I fucked up.”

“Why didn’t you check your phone? Your sister and your... live-in demons...? Have been trying to get ahold of you for hours, no one knew where you were.”

Everything hurt, in a way that wasn’t so much physical as just deep in the core of your being. You were still crying but it was less violent, and talking now seemed more plausible.

“...I wanted to focusth. No - no uh notificationsth. Fff-fuck. No one mesthaged you guysth either?”

“There's no wifi here... I don't have Mituna's number, I don’t think anyone does...”

“... It’sth my fault. I ignored it. I thould’ve... thaid thomething...”

“Yeah, dude. I mean I know you want to help, but you’ve got to be more aware of your own... supernatural terms and conditions, I guess. We could’ve worked something out to bring Eridan up here if you needed to stay close to her.”

You shook your head no.

“It wathn’t thafe for her...”

“You were worried I would attack her like I attacked you.”

You didn’t notice RS had come up, he was kneeling next to you on the couch, putting a watch on your wrist.

“Yeah, and then the’d kill you... or try too. Or bite off your appendagesth. ED doethn’t exactly thare our human moral code, ok? And the’sth a motherfucking handful and I’m out of handling juithe.”

He tightened the strap so it fit over your wrist snuggly.

“So rather than risk her safety and mine, you risked your own. What a martyr.”

“I wasth jutht trying to be good friend damnit! I didn’t want to upthet you and dragging my demon up here theemed pretty fucking inconthiderate.”

He pulled you up from the couch and DV slid your backpack over your shoulders.

“Your demon is linked to your mortal soul and you unintentionally stretched the bond between you, in its fledgling state, almost to it’s breaking point. This could have been prevented if the three of us were better connected to your family or your demons, or if you were more honest with your feelings.”

You sniffled and looked away.

“...I’m working on it.”

He nodded and gave you a small dry smile.

“And we’ll work on our end of issue as well.”

JN helped you walk your unsteady ass back to the transportalizers and RS tucked your phone into your backpack.

“I stole the necessary numbers from your phone already so you don’t need to send them to me. Dove, will you remove the crystal ball while I text Kanaya we’re sending her back?”

DV did so, cradling it in her arms like it was a baby.

“Gladly. You can’t even conceive of the joy putting my grimy mitts on this faulty wizz-flavored orb brings me. I want to touch this tiny furious wizard five times a day. Aww shit I broke his beard.”

RS looked up from his phone.

“Alright, we’re all ready. We’ll see you soon, Sollux.”

DV snickered and gave you a little wave.

“Yeah we’re portatlizing you back tomorrow for a stern talking to.”

“Bye Sollux. Take care of yourself, cause nobody wants to see you randomly falling over and crying like you’re blackout drunk in the middle of the day, kay?”

You squeezed JN shoulder in an awkward almost hug that you meant absolutely genuinely.

“Ok... Thankth. Bye guyth.”

You pushed yourself off her and staggered up to the platform.

You were being compressed, on all sides, the faces of your friends were gone, replaced only by blackness.

You were standing in your living room, you almost collapsed from nausea but ED was suddenly and inexplicably holding you upright.

You wrapped your arms around her tightly.

Everything had been wrong and now it was right again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about computers but my Dad is a self taught software engineer and fifty percent of my friends are like studying programming/work in the field/huge computer nerds, and knowing jack shit about something has never stopped me from writing about it before. So this is what you get.  
> The other fifty percent of my friends are artists/musicians, 25 percent of them are both artists/musicians and programmers/tech nerds, and then 75% of the total are witches.   
> So basically... I feel qualified to write homestuck fic by association lol


	40. No Matter What

**Be Eridan: No Matter What**

You were curled up on the couch, sobbing uncontrollably while Tuna rubbed your shoulders when Kan finally got a call back.

You sat up immediately but he shook his head at you as if to say it wasn’t her and you flopped back onto the couch in despair.

Physical pain you could deal with. 

You wished you were in more physical pain. You were trying to focus on the pain that radiated from your core, from the scar, but you were so used to ignoring it and it paled in comparison to the other pain. Sol was so far away you couldn’t even tell in which direction. It had happened sometime while you were shopping with Kan, and the wrongness of that had only intensified exponentially the longer she was gone.

You’d been racing Kan when it finally incapacitated you completely. He had won, he was waiting for you and you had collapsed as you were sprinting towards him, overwhelmed by how completely and utterly wrong you felt, how badly you needed her back.

It only got worse from there.

And at this point, you knew what the feeling was. You understood it better than you wanted to. 

It was a slow building version of what you felt when you died. When part of your soul broke off but instead of being ripped suddenly away it was just being pulled with agonizing slowness. The bond between you and Sol was taut and painfully thin. And if it snapped.

You would rot from the inside out.

Kan was talking to someone though, even though it wasn’t Sol. You wanted to yell at him for it.

What if she called? What if she finally, finally called?

Suddenly he was crouching next to you, stroking your hair back from your face.

“Eridan she’s ok, they’re sending her back.”

You sobbed harder in relief.

“Sending her back how?” Tuna asked above you, sitting on the arm of the couch.

“Ross has a localized transportalizer. Apparently she had turned off all notifications on her phone and she only just succumbed which is what tipped the humans off there was something wrong.”

“Fucking A... I swear to god, she is the most stubborn person alive sometimes!”

“I would say Eridan comes in close second.” he said dryly.

You snarled at him through your tears.

“How w-w-was I supposed to know it w-wasn’t supposed to feel that fuckin’ bad?! You said some discomfort! You nev-ver specified an amount a fuckin’ d-discomfort!”

“Discomfort is not the same as pain, you would do well to learn the difference.”

You pushed yourself upright again with some difficulty, and Tuna steadied you with her hand on her shoulder. You tried to wipe your eyes with little to no success.

“Kan... I - I ain’t ne-v-ver known the fuckin' d-difference...”

“I’m aware... but that is precisely the problem. That and Scratch’s constant withholding of critical information that would prevent either of you from coming to harm. I’m going to kill that bitch, mark my words.”

You laughed damply.

“She’s immortal...”

He growled.

“I will make her wish she wasn't.”

You leaned towards him and he caught you into a hug. You loved him so much. You were so fucking scared.

If you became a husk Kan really would try to kill Doc Scratch, and probably wind up in the Pit with you for his trouble. And Fef would still be trapped with the Horrorterrors for all of time. You would submit your two closest friends to endless torture and imprisonment if you didn’t make it.

You couldn’t let that happen, you'd caused them enough pain and suffering. You had to stay whole.

You couldn’t let the connection break.

“Excuse me Eridan... I’m getting a text...”

He pushed you gently back against the couch cushions and checked his phone.

“She’s coming now.”

You stood up and almost fell over, but managed to steady yourself against his shoulder.

“W-where?!”

“The other side of the coffee table.”

You rushed over as a silent flash of light marked the air and Sol appeared in front of you.

Relief crashed over you. The feeling of the impending destruction of your soul dissipated instantly. Like it had never been.

You caught her as she swayed dangerously on her feet and hugged her as tight as you dared.

She hugged you back. She was crying.

You were so fucking angry.

“H-hey ED... I’m back.”

You didn’t say anything. You were too furious with her for words.

She chuckled damply.

“Thomebodiesth angry.”

You kicked her legs out from under her by way of response, caught them under her knees and hoisted her up.

Sol made a wholly undignified yelp of surprise as you did this, scrambling to get out of your arms to no avail. You had a very good grip on her.

“Wha- the fuck?! Put me down!! E- ED?!”

You started walking out of the room with her flustered and squirming in your arms.

She called out to Kan and Tuna desperately as you started walking up the stairs, sideways so she wouldn’t hit her head on the wall.

“Wai-! Hey!! Anyone want to help me out here?! MT?!”

You heard her laughing.

“You’re my sister, and I love you... but nope!”

“C-clearly one of those things is a lie!”

You carried her to your room, kicked the door shut and threw her unceremoniously on the bed.

Sol stared at you wide eyed after her body stopped bouncing. She had stopped crying but there were still shiny tear tracks on her face, she had a darkening bruise on the right side of her jaw that wasn’t there before.

You stalked over and grabbed her face to inspect it. It wasn’t the kind of bruise you got from horsing around, if the blow had connected with her nose it would have broken it assiduously.

“Ow ow! ED!”

You let go of her and she winced, pulling back and cupping her jaw gingerly in her hand.

“W-who hurt you?”

“Ugh... Why... why does it fucking matter ED?”

You growled at her but she just gave you a stubborn tight lipped grimace.

“It matters because I need to know w-which one a those shit friends a yours to strangle otherw-wise I’m killin’ all a em.”

She glared at you, shifting to a seated position on your bed.

“I get you’re pissed but you can’t just threaten people left and right for everything. That’s part of the reason I didn’t bring you with me in the first fucking place.”

“Who.”

“I’m not telling you.”

“I’ll find out one w-way or another Sol... an w-when I do, I’m gonna make you fuckin’ punch em back.”

She blinked at you for a second.

“Oh. Well that’s already taken care of. RS got thoroughly knocked around in the scuffle. Also I got some choice non-physical revenge so... are we good here?”

“I knew it w-was that prissy fuckin’ w-witch!”

“Godfuckingdamnit. ED! His dad _just_ died! The fact that he managed to punch me is minuscule compared to that. It doesn’t matter, at all! He apologized, I forgave him, we moved on. Let it go ED.”

You sneered at her, you were trembling with rage.

“Fine! I’ll let it go. Oh, I’ll let that one fuckin’ slide Sol...! Cause you know w-what? You deserve to get punched in the face, at least three more fuckin’ times, for ignorin’ us like that! W-we’ve been tryin’ to call you for fuckin’ hours!”

“I’m sorry, ok! I was working on something and I didn’t want any distractions, I didn’t mean to ignore you guys-”

You snarled. Sol flinched a little, clearly responding to your anger more than your snapping teeth. She was fairly used to them by now.

“Sav-ve it! You intentionally fuckin’ did that, Sol, an no excuse makes it ok! But you w-weren’t just tryin’ to ignore me an Kan an Tuna! You were ignorin’ how-w _you_ fuckin’ felt! Like your life fuckin’ depended on it apparently, cause I tried to get through it too an I collapsed hours ago! You distracted yourself w-with bullshit until you couldn’t anymore an by that point it w-was almost too late!”

She was all stiff and defensive now. 

“Too late for what exactly?!”

“For me, you fuckin’ asshole!!”

You burst into angry tears, and her mouth dropped open. Sol’s warm brown skin took on a ashen tint.

“ED wha - what do you mean to late for you?”

“You-! Kan already fuckin’ told you, you idoit! W-w-what do you think happens to me if the bond breaks?! You think I can just get back up an go about my fuckin’ day after that?! No!”

Sol’s eyes were so big it looked like they’d roll out of her skull if you shook it too hard.

You took a rough shuddery breath.

“If the b-bond breaks... my soul w-will start collaspin’... an in less than a month... I’ll be eatin’ and killin’ other demons like a w-wild fuckin’ animal because that’s all that w-w-will be left a me...”

Her brown eyes filled with tears again. She wiped at her eyes and sobbed suddenly. Then again, harder this time. It seemed to shake her whole frame.

“I’m thorry... I’m thorry ED...! I did-didn’t- I wath being thelfith... I jutht thought I could not think about it and I’d be fine but I couldn’t and I didn’t even think about how you were feeling, or what - what it meant and I’m tho-”

You crawled onto the bed and pulled her against you. She wrapped her arms around you eagerly and pressed her face against the top of your shoulder. She was still wearing her backpack, and you kind of slid one hand under the straps to get to her shoulders. You buried the other in her thick tightly curled hair and gently scratched her scalp. 

You didn’t want her to cry for you, for your fate. But you liked holding her like this. You liked being close to her and feeling her arms around you.

“Calm dow-wn Sol... I’m alright... I’m fine.”

Her crying started to taper off after a few minutes.

“I’m really thorry...”

“I forgiv-ve you. But I probably w-won’t if there’s a next time, so keep your fuckin’ phone on.”

She laughed damply, snuffling against your shoulder.

“Ok. I can do that.” 

You chirped, satisfied, without meaning to, and she lifted her head in surprise.

“What wath that?”

You flushed.

“W-what was w-what?”

“That noithe.”

“It was just a noise.”

“Ok. Do it again.”

You pulled your hand out of her hair.

“Th- that’s not how it w-works!”

“Tho-th- ehem. So. It’s not just a noise.”

You growled at her and she snickered, pulling away from you fully and wiping her eyes on her t-shirt.

“I’m gonna catalog this shit... make a little demon non-verbal communication guide. Like they have for cats and dogs and stuff...”

You wiped aggressively at your own face while the tip of your tail thumped gently against the mattress. Ugh, the crying never ended and your eyes hurt.

“Fuck you.”

“Ok, but... Imagine if we fully understood each other... Dare to imagine, ED.”

“I... I think... that’d be fuckin’ freaky to be honest.”

Sol laughed again. She had a really goofy laugh.

“Yeah... Hey... I’m sorry I didn’t bring you with me today.”

You flushed and looked down.

“You don’t ave to be... it shoulda been fine. But Kan didn’t know... there’s like a - a max distance an amount a time w-we can be apart right now. Cause the bond is... it’s sorta fragile on my end a it.”

“Another little detail Doc Scratch conveniently forgot to mention?” she said dryly.

“Yeah, except not so convenient, cause I don’t think she realized how fuckin’ far away you w-were an then she called Kan and started freaking out right about the time I got... overw-whelmed.”

“Wait... she monitors us right. Through the rings or something?”

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t she just find me and make KN come and get me?”

“She couldn’t. Doc Scratch couldn’t pinpoint your location, she said you were showin’ up in random spots that made no sense for like 5 hours- seriously, did you not read a single fuckin’ message Sol?!”

“Uh... no. Sorry.”

You huffed in frustration. Sol was going to be the death of you, before she even had the chance to literally be the death of you.

“The fuck w-were you ev-ven doin’ out there?”

“I was just... trying to out genius another genius. An way older genius. It took a shitload of concentration.”

“W-what?”

“... The shitty thing is... the more I fucking think about it I’m one hundred percent sure I totally got owned by a dead guy. Pisses me off.”

“Sol w-what are you talkin’ about?”

She sighed and finally shrugged off her backpack.

“I’ll show you tomorrow, ok?”

“Oh... you’re goin’ back?”

“We’re going back, ED. There’s shit to do and it’s like less than a week till school starts and I won’t have time for these nonstop supernatural shenanigans anymore.”

It made you feel kind of warm inside, knowing that Sol was going to take you with her. Even though after all that, of course she would.

“Kan w-wants me to go to school. Like three different kinds a school...”

She gave you a crooked little smile.

“Which ones?”

“Drivin’ school... an fightin’ school... regular school...”

Sol raised an eyebrow.

“Fighting school?”

“Yeah, fightin’ school. To learn how to fight the human way.”

She grinned at you.

“Yeah, that’s definitely a thing. So are you going to?”

“... I guess... Ain’t nothin’ better to do here, so I might as w-well right?”

“You should. And if you get your license... _maybe_ I’ll let you drive my car.”

You hissed at her.

“W-when I get my license I’ll get my own fuckin’ car an it’ll be ten times nicer than your shitty movin’ machine.”

“Oh, guaranteed. But that’s not that hard to accomplish.”

“It’s really fuckin’ awful.”

“Who taught you how to drive in the first place?”

“My friend Fef.”

“In Hell?”

You snorted a laugh at the absurdity.

“W-what? No. It’s too fuckin’ cramped for that kinda nonsense.”

“I feel like I don’t understand what Hell is. It’s like the demon version of Earth right?”

You frowned. You tried to remember how you’d explained it to Tav all those years ago.

Except... you never explained much of anything to Tav. You made Kan do it because you were busy flirting with them and he loved explaining things as wordily as possible.

“Kinda. Our planet is called Alternia. Officially speakin’. But Hell is w-where everythin’ and ev-veryone is most a the time, so... it’s pretty common to just refer to it as Hell.”

“And Hell is?”

“It’s a city. But probably twenty times bigger than any city here, I mean. I’ve nev-v-er even been from one Far Gate to another. An gettin’ to the center... I only one demon w-who’s been there.”

“What’s in the center?”

“The Condesce.”

She raised an eyebrow rather than ask the question.

“They’re the oldest demon in existence, an the founder a Hell. They ave to be kept alive because they’re so powerful, if they died and came back...”

You shook your head.

“No one knows w-what would happen, but it wouldn’t be fuckin’ good. But they’re also too fuckin’ crazy to rule anymore. Doc Scratch... put them in hibernation, almost 2 thousand years ago, an the Chancellor speaks for them. Keeps them safe.”

She leaned back so she was sitting against the wall.

“Jesus, that’s... intense.”

“I didn’t ev-ven believe they existed till I met Fef... I mean it just seemed like a big hoax. Some uber pow-werful demon sittin’ half dead in the middle a Hell... who are you fuckin’ kiddin’? But Fef got to see them... cause if you submit yourself before the High Council an you ave fuchsia blood, they’ll let you see the Condesce. An a course, they’ll kill you right after, but you still get the memories.”

“And Fef has fuchsia blood? What’s special about that?”

Hearing her say your nickname for him made your tail twitch with irritation. Not that you could blame her, you rarely said his full name.

“Only I call him Fef. His name is Feferi.”

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s ok. Um... fuchsia blood is super rare. It’s the same color blood as the Condesce an... demons w-who ave it are seen as really powerful... ev-ven if they actually aren’t. Fef is though. He’s the strongest demon my age I ev-ver met.”

“Wait... you’re saying you completely disregarded the story, with total skepticism, until you met Feferi, and then you just decided to believe him because you liked him?”

“W-well he had to beat the shit outta me first... but kinda yeah. An it w-wasn’t like I believed they nev-ver existed, ok? I just didn’t believe they w-were still aliv-ve. Fef was able to answ-wer all my questions... an at a certain point you just trust that someone isn’t lyin’ to you.”

Sol looked away for second, puzzling over the new information.

“... How do they deal with the horns...?”

“That’s w-what I w-wanted to know! Fef said the wall behind them is decorated with the horns that a been cut off cause they got too long, an they still had almost twenty foot horns.”

“How would they even support that? Even if their neck was pure muscle-”

“It’s all rigged up, they’re suspend from the ceilin’.”

“I thought they were asleep.”

“They are... in like an upright metal body suit apparently... I assume some kinda life support system cause they aren't allowed to die.”

Sol grinned.

“Wow. This - This has been a uncharacteristically informative conversation ED...”

You chuckled because she was right.

“I-”

You were interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Excuse me? May I come in?”

It was Kan.

You glanced at Sol and she nodded.

“Yeah...”

He entered the room, ducking under the doorway, and frowned looking at the floor. He looked at you reproachfully.

“I see you did, in fact, cut your dress up Eridan.”

Sol snickered and you flushed.

All your fretting about the dress and getting Sol to look at you seemed years away now. But it had only been this morning.

“It w-was fuckin’ borin’ dress Kan! I c-can’t go around lookin’ like that, it makes me feel fuckin’ gross... ”

He sighed.

“Perhaps we can work out a compromise... But this is a topic for another day, how are you both feeling?”

“Everything... feels good on my end.” Sol said glancing at you with concern in her eyes.

“I’m fine. I w-was fine as soon as this idiot managed to get her ass ov-ver here...”

“Good. Scratch confirmed that the bond between you has been restored to almost full strength, but warned that you should remain physically close together for the time being to prevent any new stressors from causing harm.”

Sol suddenly looked a little nervous.

“How close exactly?”

“A few feet apart at most.”

She flushed violently and Kan chuckled.

“I’m making a joke. Ten yards is what she told me, though I’m not familiar with that unit of measurement.”

“It’s thirty feet...”

“Oh, well that seems like plenty. Now Sollux... I have to ask, where were you?”

Sol sighed and leaned her head back against the wall, she seemed conflicted.

“KN... ED, do you trust Doc Scratch?”

You and Kan shared a meaningful glance, before he answered for both of you.

“No... but we have no other available resources to complete our goal.”

She snorted a dry laugh.

“I assume she’s not wired into your brain or anything and that’s why you're telling me that. How much are you required to tell her? About what’s happening here?”

“She has pressed me for little detail, she doesn’t care about your interactions as long as they complete her goal. And if there are things I should not tell her... to preserve your safety. I would refuse even if she asked.”

“Cool. Does she want to know where I went?”

“Yes. She has been adamant about knowing where you where. It was disturbing to her, that she could not track you down.”

Sol paused for a minute, making a strange little face as she decided what she was going to say.

“Alright. I trust you. Here’s my theory about what happened. Ross’s Dad worked for Doc Scratch in some capacity. When he died, a bunch of systems in his personal computer were activated, and a program he designed started running. Broadcasting interference, so Doc Scratch couldn’t track, monitor or communicate with those in the sphere. It’s so strong she couldn’t even track me when I entered it. You said it looked like I was all over the map for five hours?”

“About five and a half precisely...”

“I was only at the house for about four... so that means the sphere is fucking huge. The problem now is... figuring out how to use the blind spot to our advantage without tipping her off to it’s existence.”

You stared at her. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“W-wait Sol... are you tryin’ to- are you tryin’ to fuckin’ double cross Doc Scratch?!”

“You think she’s not double crossing you?”

You bit your lip. You knew she was. Of course she was. But you had so little leverage. You had nothing.

“Even if she is, it’s... not somethin’ I can do anythin’ about... She’s the only one who can sav-ve Fef.”

“I could.”

You snapped your head towards her suddenly. She met your eyes, unflinching.

“W-w-what?”

“I’m not exactly sure how... but I think I could. She doesn’t use magic, it’s a kind of psychic power like mine. I’m pretty sure.”

You growled in frustration. She couldn’t be serious.

“Alright, fine! Let’s say she’s usin’ the same shit as you! But you ain’t ev-ven half as powerful, an she can’t ev-ven do it w-without breakin’ the laws a the universes first. W-what makes you think you could?!”

She glared at you and held up one finger.

“One. Fuck you, you don’t even know how strong I am.”

You opened your mouth to retort but she held up another finger and spoke over you.

“TWO. I’m always getting stronger, so by the end of the year... Who fucking knows what I’ll be able to do? And three...”

You stared at her, your heart was beating so fast it almost hurt. She looked at her hand with it's three thin outstretched fingers.

“Three. We don’t even have to stop her from opening the rift. We can use her own power against her and save Feferi ourselves.”

You exhaled shakily.

“Sol... you don’t know w-what your sayin’! Y-you d-don’t fuckin’ know you can do all that...!”

She shook her head with a soft wry smile.

“No, I don’t know. But... I don’t think Scratch cares about saving Feferi... I don’t think she cares about anyone. If we don’t try to take the reins from her, all of this insane soul bond bullshit will have been for nothing. And if she succeeds, and her “spell” actually works... We’d both have to keep living, knowing we were just pawns in her stupid game. And I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a real shit fucking existence to me.”

She held your gaze.

She was so strong. Her will was inflexible. Impossible. Down right fucking stupid. Sol wanted to willingly walk up and challenge a god with that crooked little smirk still on her face.

A tiny, tiny, little part of you, believed she could win. And most of you believed, that even if she couldn’t, that she was right anyways. That if you really wanted to atone for your mistakes, you had to at least try to get out from under Scratch’s claws. You couldn’t prostrate yourself and let some omnipotent asshole in a dress suit use your existence, your loved ones, as disposable pieces in her game.

You were Eridan fucking Ampora.

“... Let’s double cross the double crossin’ bitch then.”

Sol grinned at you, slid her hand across the mattress and over your own, squeezed it gently.

“Fuck yes.”

Kan coughed into his hand and you both looked at him with a start.

“That’s all well and good. But what am I telling Doc Scratch for the time being? About where Sollux went?”

She removed her hand and you resisted the urge to snatch it back.

“Uh... Shit.”

“Can she tell if w-we’re asleep?”

Kan shook his head no.

“Not that I know of.”

“Fuckin’ tell her that then. Tell her w-we fell asleep an we’ll w-work out a decent fuckin’ lie tomorrow.”

He smiled at you.

“I believe that will suffice. Sollux, I already told Ross you arrived safely and that you are doing better, so you needn’t worry. I can heal your bruise if you’d like as well.”

“Yes please.”

He crouched down and Sol scooted towards the edge of the bed so he could reach her face.

He cupped her face in his big white hand, and she grimaced as he started to heal her. You knew the feeling well, how weirdly uncomfortable it was, and you snickered at her discomfort.

She stuck her pink tongue out at you with a glare as he pulled away, the discoloration gone, and her face suddenly much more symmetrical.

“Thanks KN... I’m sorry I turned off my notifications... it was selfish of me.”

Kan smiled at her gently as he stood up.

“It certainly was... but I’m willing to forgive you for it. Especially seeing how Eridan already has.”

You felt your cheeks grow warm and you looked away from his knowing gaze.

“Yeah w-well, I’m stuck w-with her now. It’s not like I can’t stay pissed for fuckin’ ev-ver.”

She leaned back slightly against one arm and smirked at you.

“You probably shouldn’t say that... Opens way to many doors for me to fuck with you.”

“Fine, I’m gonna be mad at you forev-ver an I’ll never forgiv-ve you for bein’ a unconscionable fuckin’ asshole all day.”

Her smirk did not budge.

“Hmm. Did I tell you, you look nice today?”

Your face went violently hot. You snarled at her. That was it. You were done.

“Get the fuck outta my room Sol.”

“You’re the one who threw me in here.”

“An now I’m throwin’ you out!”

She laughed and got off the bed, grabbing her backpack as she did.

“Alright. Night ED. KN.”

“Goodnight Sollux.”

You watched her turn around to leave with your emotions spiking unhelpfully all over.

You didn’t know what to do. You looked at Kan for help and he jerked his thumb towards her as she walked out the door. 

You scrambled off the bed and after her. 

“Sol...!”

She stopped and glanced at you over her shoulder.

“I- I’m sorry... I shouldn’t ave yelled at you...”

“Ok...?”

You fidgeted with your rings, still hot faced and lost.

“So- so now you say you forgiv-ve me.”

“Sure, I forgive you.”

She turned around to leave again and you grabbed her arm in panic.

“W-wait...!”

“What do you want ED?”

What did you want?

Too many things.

You wanted her to look at you and admire you, and you didn’t want her too at all. You wanted Sol to care about you. You wanted her to understand you even though that seemed so impossibly difficult. You wanted to understand her too. You wanted to know why she would risk so much just because she didn't want to be a pawn in someone else's game. You wanted to kiss her but you knew she wouldn’t let you. You wanted to thank her. You wanted to apologize for fucking her one and only mortal life up. You wanted to punish her for making you hurt so much in the meantime.

But mostly, you just didn’t want her to leave you again.

“ED?”

You let go of her arm with a start.

Sol spoke softer now, she had fully turned around to look at you.

“What’s going on...?”

“...W-w-will you sleep with me tonight?”

You couldn’t read her expression.

“Yeah... that’s fine. In my room though. Bed’s bigger.”

You breathed a shaky sigh of relief, and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards.

“Let me get changed and wash my face and stuff. And I should probably go apologize to MT too, while I’m at it...”

You nodded eagerly.

“Y-yeah, ok.”

You watched her walk into her room as Kan exited yours.

He touched your arm gently.

“I told Scratch you both fell asleep together once you were reunited. I suppose that isn’t a lie now is it?”

You shook your head no.

“I’m gonna... get ready for bed too. Thanks for everythin’ Kan...”

“Remember to leave your clothes on.”

You huffed and rolled your eyes.

“For fucks sakes, I know...!”

“Alright, alright. I will be staying next door tonight, so I will be close should you need anything.”

“Thank you.”

You turned around and hugged him tight.

He chittered softly and returned the hug.

You were so glad he didn’t have to watch you become corrupted. Seeing that was as good as a death sentence for someone as loyal as him. You couldn’t let anything like that happen him, you had to get through this in one piece. No matter what.

You couldn't leave him behind. You couldn't abandon Fef.

It was crazy to think how close you'd come to doing that before. It was crazy how far away that Eridan seemed now. You refused to be that callous bitch ever again.

No matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa... explanations?!  
> Sollux and Eridan talking?!  
> Wild. I shock myself sometimes.  
> Also surprise princess carry for the win.


	41. Point Of No Return

**Be Sollux: Point Of No Return**

You texted your friends even though KN said he already had, because you were trying to be a better friend. In general. 

You told them you were ok and gave them a brief rundown explaining the situation with Scratch, the blindspot of Ross’s Dad’s house, and how you had enlisted the demons to help you all take her down or at least find out what she was up to, given that neither of them trusted her anyways. You told them you would contact them in the morning and work out a plan.

After you had taken care of that you peeled off your jeans and slipped into your pajama bottoms. You usually just slept in your underwear, but if ED was going to sleep with you, you didn’t want to be that exposed.

You were a little glad she had asked. 

You had been internally debating about asking her yourself. You had landed on “No fucking way, you said it was a one time thing and you meant it” valiantly pretending you hadn’t slept together for like five hours yesterday, but you couldn’t say no to her when she looked at you like that. With her big yellow eyes so full of desperation and confusion and panic. You still felt bad.

You could have destroyed her.

When you left your room to find MT, she was exiting the bathroom, and you gave her a brief nod as she slipped back into her room

It felt more awkward than before for some reason.

You knocked on the door to MT’s room and went in before she responded. You had that sort of relationship.

She was lying on her bed, upside down with her feet against the wall, playing Super Mario Odyssey on her switch.

“Hey.”

She paused her game and grinned at you.

“Hey Sollux. You gave everyone a scare earlier.”

You sighed and closed the door behind you.

“I know... I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have turned off my notifications.”

She rolled onto her stomach to look at you the normal way.

“I just don’t get why... it’s not like you do that here, no matter how deep you are in your coding bullshit.”

You spoke quieter. You weren’t sure how much ED could hear through their shared wall.

“I didn’t want... ED to contact me.”

She cocked her head and her afro swayed.

“Why?”

“Because I could barely keep it together, and I thought if I didn’t think about her... I’d be fine. It would pass.”

“This... bond you have? It really affects you that much?”

You nodded sharply.

You wished it didn’t. You weren’t the kind of person who liked being constantly around others, even if you really liked them. MT got a pass because she was your twin, but you felt like an alien more often than you felt like a person.

It made other people hard to stomach sometimes. A lot of the time.

“How long are you going to keep freaking out about it?”

“As long as I reasonably can.”

“Not to this extent though.”

“Yeah, I’ll switch to smaller acts of rebellion.”

“Sleeping with her seems a little counterintuitive.”

She was listening at the door when you were talking in the hall. What a bitch.

“I put her through a lot. If that’s what she needs... I can do that.”

“Pretty sure she wants to do more than just sleep in your bed.”

You flushed despite how hard you were trying to maintain your calm. 

“That’s not going to happen.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Never?”

“Never.”

She grinned at you in a way that said she didn’t believe you at all, and your face spiked up in temperature.

“Ok. Night Sollux.”

“Night MT.”

You left her room and barely stopped yourself from slamming the door. That would be childish. You could hack into her youtube account and fuck with her channel.

Also childish, you needed to stop trying to exact revenge for unspoken jabs. Save your material for more deserving outright transgressions.

You stalked into the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth. Your eyes looked obnoxiously puffy from crying but the bruise on your face was completely gone. You felt kind of bad knowing RS still had to suffer his for the night. 

When you went back to your room, ED wasn’t in it, you could feel her downstairs, and that made your stomach twist nervously. She was too far away. Though on the other hand, having her walk into your room for the express purpose of sleeping in your bed made you feel tense and uncomfortable as well.

She’d never even been in your room.

You looked around and immediately started trying to clean up. Swiping the stack of empty cans on your desk into a paper bag for recycling and gathering up wads of black t-shirts and dirty socks and underwear and piling them on your overflowing laundry basket behind the door. God, she’d probably be able smell your filth. Why did you tell her to come in here?

You heard a knock on the door as you tried to shove a few homeless stacks of notebooks under your bed. It was really crowded down there.

You stood up quickly. You were actually sweating, fuck. She’d be able to smell that too. How nervous you were. You couldn’t back out now though.

Panic cleaning was the point of no return.

You opened the door as much as you were able, the laundry pile stopped it about halfway.

ED looked nervous too, standing outside your door with her hands clasped behind her back.

You noticed with a start she was still wearing her painful short and low-cut leather dress, just without her glasses and the gold chain she had wrapped around her neck and left dangling between her breasts.

“... Are you planning on sleeping in that?”

She gave you a curious look.

“Yeah...? Somethin’ w-wrong with that Sol?”

You stepped out of the way to let her in and she walked into your room for the first time.

“Um... No, but... do you want to borrow a t-shirt or something? Might be more comfortable.”

Her face twisted into a brief grimace at the offer, her gaze sweeping around your room the whole time.

“No thanks... I can barely stomach the fuckin’ blankets here...”

You closed the door and nodded like that was a total normal thing to say and then realized it wasn’t at all.

“Wait... what’s wrong with the blankets?”

“Too soft. Makes my skin fuckin’ crawl....”

You remembered the weird heavy blankets at KN’s place and you could see how she would feel that way if that’s what she was used to.

She was looking in your closet, her tail swishing occasionally with interest and you figured you should get her in bed before she started digging around. You didn’t even know what was in there anymore.

“Come on, let’s go to bed ED... I’m fucking beat.”

“Alright...” 

You rolled into bed and scooted towards the wall, which you normally slept facing, or pressing your back against, and she followed you.

You shut your eyes and rolled over rather than indulging in the angle she was showing you, crawling on her hands in knees towards you on the mattress, so if you really wanted to you could see down the front of her butchered dress. For longer than the split second you already had, at least.

She settled next to you burrowing under your blanket with a soft huff of breath on your neck and then turned away.

You waited till she stopped moving before you turned over again and went to get the light. Before realizing you couldn’t even summon a long enough tendril of power for that menial task.

“Hey ED, could you get the light? Sorry. Normally I-”

“I got it.” 

She smirked at you as she rolled out of bed and sauntered over to turn off the light switch.

In the dark her eyes seemed even bigger and shinier, glowing like a cartoon monster under the bed as she walked towards you.

You found the nerve to ask the question as she slid back under the blankets.

“Can you see in the dark?”

She laughed throatily, softly.

“Nobody can see in the fuckin’ dark Sol.”

Implying it wasn’t dark to her.

You let out a soft hissed breath of irritation and turned towards the wall again. You could feel her tail against your legs, the weight and slight warmth of her heavy muscular body pressing the mattress down.

You lay awake, eyes shut for lack of anything better to do, before you finally opened your eyes and stared at the wall. This was so fucking awkward.

Things seemed to swing so wildly between you, one minute nothing but fury and threats, the next nothing but tears and vulnerability. Affection, despise. Comfort, tension. 

The problem was, no matter what was happening, how things seemed to be panning out between you, your reluctance to lean into your... feelings, of any sort, for ED always turned into this horrible middle ground of intense awkwardness.

But not even an hour ago you’d been crying like a baby at the thought of having almost killed her. Or worse than killed her. 

You’d been hugging her and sobbing, and her cool hands had been buried in your hair and rubbing your shoulders and it felt good. Right.

Maybe it was all because of the stupid soul bond. Or maybe it was just that you’d had a taste of her suffering and you couldn’t bear the thought of causing her any more. Or maybe it was both those things and some other nebulous pseudo feelings caused by extenuating circumstances beyond your control. There was so much beyond your fucking control.

That didn’t make you feel better about your current situation.

You felt like such a fucking asshole, lying there and staring at the wall, with her next to you, back to back on your bed with both of your clearly feigning sleep with forced stillness and stilted breathing. A huge gaping nasty shit covered asshole.

Could you stop being such a “unconscionable fucking asshole”, as she had dubbed you earlier, and fix the vibe?

Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen.

But you could probably be a little less of one. You could turn the volume down so things weren’t so uncomfortable and maybe one or both of you could actually fall asleep.

You cleared your throat. 

Shit. So awkward.

“...ED?”

She shifted slightly.

“Yeah...?”

“Can you sleep?”

She let out a harsh sigh of relief at the question.

“... Not fuckin’ really.”

“Do you... um...”

You swallowed nervously, you couldn’t believe you were doing this. For the third time, even though the first time really should have been the last fucking time.

“Do you want to spoon again?”

“...Ok.”

You turned towards her and slid one arm around her waist, tentatively pressing a little closer.

It did not make things less awkward.

You were both stiff, unsure of what you were allowed to do. Where the boundaries were.

“Sol... I don’t ave to sleep w-with you... I can go back to my room.”

You didn’t say anything. Your mind was spinning, throwing a tantrum, now presented with an out for your discomfort, but really not wanting to take it.

“... Alright. I’m leav-ving.”

You tightened your grip around her waist as she started to move.

“W-what do you fuckin’ want Sol?”

What did you want?

So much shit.

You wanted to be in control of your emotions again. You wanted your normal life back. You wanted to go on dates with normal human girls and get cheated on and dumped and stood up and occasionally laid because being mysterious and snarky only got you so far. You wanted to understand what was going on in ED’s head. You wanted to shake the feeling you really were stuck with her forever. You wanted to be less ok with that then you were. You wanted to believe that you could be a regular person and have a regular relationship and a regular life. You wanted ED to be a regular person you could decode, like everyone else, a snobby, angry, human girl you could understand without trying. You wanted her to understand you. You wanted her to at least try.

You didn’t want her to leave. It sucked so much, having her apart from you. 

“Sol?”

You didn’t think you could take even having her in the room across the hall.

Suddenly she was turning towards you, you had to duck away from her horns as she did. Your arm was still loosely around her waist and she pressed you on your back, almost on top of you.

You couldn’t breath, your brain was going all static-y as she looked down at you, the little frown on her face barely visible to you in the gloom.

“... Sol you’re actin’ so w-weird right now.”

You licked your lips, an unconscious nervous reaction, and she cocked her head. Watching you with the same zoological interest you had for her. All her alien gestures and sounds.

You tried to talk and failed.

You tried again and managed a whisper.

“... I’m sorry ED. This... whole thing. It’s really... it’s really fucking uncomfortable for me.”

“... I’ll leav-ve if you want me to.”

You shook your head no.

“I don’t. I - I just... I can’t feel like this is normal. I can’t- explain why it’s so hard to-”

“Make sense a your feelin’s?”

You let out a shaky excited breath.    
“Yeah. Sometimes I’m so fucking pissed at you for even existing but then I think about you not existing or getting hurt and I lose my shit over it and I - I want my old life back, so goddamn much, but at the same time-”

“You’re more ok w-with this than makes any fuckin’ sense?”

You nodded sharply. Relieved she seemed to understand.

ED sighed and slid off you a little so you were just pressed together with your arm still over her waist. Face to face.

“Sol... I’m gonna tell you somethin’ about bein’ a demon.”

You looked into her eyes, they reflected so much light back towards you it almost hurt. She blinked and when she opened her eyelids again your eyes seemed to adjust a little more. You could see her face more clearly, it was a little strange seeing it so close without her glasses.

“Human souls don’t become demons cause they’re bad people. That’s a fuckin’ myth, ok... Human souls become demons cause they refuse to let go, to disintegrate or pass to the third plane, if you believ-ve in that load a horses shit.”

Your lips twitched upwards at that. ED’s apparent skepticism was weirdly adorable.

“Ev-very demon comes from a soul that made a choice. An that should tell you, souls behave in w-ways that are separate from consciousness, but that don’t mean it ain’t you makin’ the decision. Ev-ven if your conscious self has some fuckin’ objections, your soul has already decided. An fightin’ that kind thing is dow-wnright impossible.”

“I don’t understand what you’re getting at here ED...”

You lied. You understood. You just didn’t want to hear it.

“Your soul chose to help restore mine. That’s w-why you’re ok with this. Ev-ven if you don’t fuckin’ want to be.”

You closed your eyes and breathed out through your nose. You knew she was right. KN had tried to tell you as much yesterday, but fuck if it wasn’t frustrating.

“So... I just have to suck it up and be ok with it? That’s the only option.”

“I ain’t tellin’ you how to feel Sol... I’m just explainin’ w-why...”

“Are you ok with this? Really?”

She smirked at you.

“Choices w-were made... an this one a the few I don’t regret. So far at least. I don’t deserv-ve to live the w-way I’m livin’ right now... but if can fix one thing, if I can take one drop a misery outta the ocean I created an make it fuckin’ disappear, then I’m ok w-with just about anythin’.”

Your stomach twisted violently. She had so much to lose, and she already had lost so much.

“... ED. What if this doesn’t work?”

“It’s still a better end than I deserv-ve.”

You reached up and flicked her forehead with your other hand, and her expression went from surprised to outraged in a split second.

“Stop fucking saying shit like that.”

She growled at you then swallowed the sound, seeming a little bashful about it.

“Fine. So can w-we go the fuck to sleep now? Are you all calm an reassured Sol?”

Her voice was still gravelly and irritated, and you snickered.

“Not at all. But I think I can manage to close my eyes.”

She huffed and shifted onto her back.

“Fuckin’ fantastic.”

You slid down a little, letting your head settle into the crook of her neck, and she wiggled her arm around your back and leaned her head gently against the top of your own.

You both lay there like that, in comfortable silence, drifting off. You were almost asleep when you heard her start purring softly.

You pressed her closer, feeling the vibrations from her throat against your ear.

The last thing you thought before you fully submitted to sleep was that if your soul had already made the decision to care for her, to help her, maybe you should just treat it like it was a conscious one. A choice was a choice. Even if you didn’t know you were making it. 

Even if you weren’t sure what the true consequences were.

**Be Eridan: Bumble Boy**

You were small again.

You were sitting on the floor in between two much larger, thicker dark brown legs, as the woman above you dragged the sharp comb over your head. You hated everything about getting cornrows, you hated the comb, the thrumming fingers, the feeling of the skin of your scalp being pulled taut by the braids, you hated sitting still for so long.

You were holding Bumble Boy to stop yourself from fidgeting and getting tugged back into place by Auntie Kanika’s strong hands. 

You realized you were Sol again. Little Sol. Big baby Sol with your small brown hands and tiny knobby knees. Your poor eyesight and stunted sense of smell. The absence of a tail was what felt the most disorienting to you, your spine felt so strangely short.

How did Sol walk around like this?

You really loved the strange soft purple thing in your lap. You knew it was a bee, his name was Bumble Boy, and you twisted his wings around in your hands, pretended he was out flying to save the day from some monster. Like the one in the bushes behind the bank, no match for Bumble Boy and his magic powers.

It was very strange how the softness felt so comforting to you. You, as Eridan, had never had much tolerance for soft things, but against Sol’s thin sensitive skin, it felt absurdly nice. The fuzzy surface of your toy was rubbed thin in some places, from touching it so much, especially on the wings, but you found that comforting too.

Your strange technicolor half dream was interrupted by the drag of the comb against your scalp.

You snapped back to your surroundings, the unfamiliar room, the TV was playing a cartoon, you, Eridan, didn’t recognize, but Sol did. You had seen this episode before, and you thought the show was stupid anyways.

It just tried to convince kids that monsters aren't real, which was a lie..

You heard giggling and turned your head as much as you dared to see your mom and MT sitting on the floor, next to the coffee table.

Sai looked younger than you knew her to be, Tuna was so small. Thin and spindly, sitting in her lap eating something, with her hair already done in thin tight braids against her scalp that dangled down in her face.

Jealousy made you scowl. 

You were jealous she was already done with this torture, jealous she got to have dessert already, jealous she got to sit in your moms lap and laugh at the stupid show with her.

The strength of your desire to be close to Sai shocked you.

You had never felt such a strong desire for non-sexual attention. Desire for comfort and closeness and affection from someone. You’d never felt such certainty that someone would provide those things to you without any question or price.

“Sollux, come back here.”

Auntie Kanika tugged you backwards by your shoulder, pulling you firmly back between her legs.

“I promise I’m almost done baby.”

“Promithe?”

Oh the lisp. You felt yourself trying not to, but it seemed impossible. Your mouth just wouldn’t cooperate.

“I promise. And there’s going to be an even number just like you like.”

“Ok. Thank you Auntie.”

You knew exactly how many braids you had. You had eight so far. You always counted because it made you feel crazy when there was an odd number of them. All lopsided. Like one side of your head was heavier than the other. 

MT said that wasn’t true but you think she was just better at ignoring it than you.

You heard a loud burst of giggling and then screaming laughter, and strained your head around Kanika’s knee to see your mom tickling MT with her psionics. Like Sol had tickled you, when you were just Eridan. She must have learned it from Sai.

You pulled back in irritation, as her fingers continued to pull at your scalp, tugging and twisting your hair flat against your skull. You drew your knees up to your chest, squishing Bumble Boy against yourself. You looked down at your toes.

Your toes seemed weirdly long to you. You wiggled them, you wondered. You let your mind slip into that strange place, and found the static energy you carried inside yourself. Pushing it from your hands was easy.

You felt your eyes grow hot, start to spark.

“What are you doing down there?” 

Kanika’s deep smooth voice was amused as she tied off the ninth braid against your neck with quick twists of her fingers.

You loved her too, in a slightly less intense way that you loved Sai. But still startlingly strong and unconditional. She made you feel safe. 

Truthfully, you’d never felt this safe in your whole life. But that was probably because humans felt so much of everything it boggled you.

“I’m trying thomething.”

You said sticking your tongue out of the side of your mouth, through your strange flat teeth, in concentration, as you tried to push the energy all the way down to your toes. She started on the next braid. 

“Be careful... and don’t force it.”

“...Ok.”

You moved it slowly, it was hard to manipulate this way, but you let your awareness of your body grow where it was, it was the hardest to get it to move past your stomach to split it down and move it down your legs. Two more braids had been made by the time you got it to your knees.

You had to take a break at this point, it seemed impossible to move it any farther away from your head. 

You squashed Bumble Boy even tighter to your chest and moved your knees apart a few inches, slightly away from your body.

You pushed deeper into the static feeling, forced a spark between your knees, then a thin arching line of white and black energy that occasionally crackled thin blue and red sparks.

You practiced snapping the arc of energy away and there again, wiggling your knees farther apart to try and sustain the connection over the distance.

You were grinning with glee at this new discovery.

“Remember to hold your center calm. No matter how much fun you’re having, if you don’t feel calm in your center then you can lose control and hurt yourself.”

“I’m being calm!” You said indignantly pressing back against her legs.

“Alright...”

You huffed and she dragged the comb along your scalp, you breathed out slowly, found your center, holding a perfect little ball of energy between your knees. You slid it down your legs a little, you understood how to do this now, how to make it travel.

You slid it into your big toes, bringing the arc back as you wiggled them. It felt strange to have the energy concentrated in such a small part of your body.

“Mom look!”

You realized she had been looking at you already, MT too. Your twin's eyes were wide with admiration. But your mom was looking at you with a rather strange expression, it seemed like fear. 

You lost concentration and the energy zipped up your legs cracking against Bumble Boy with the harsh smell of burning plastic.

The devastation you felt was immense. You didn’t understand why Sol was so sad, but she was so so sad.

“Are you alright?!”

Kanika was turning your body around to look at you, you were staring at the black mark where the spark had burned him, tears sprung into your eyes. You felt so horrible, you’d hurt him.

You didn’t quite understand why you felt like the squishy thing was alive, but it was hard not to feel bad about burning it when Sol felt so strongly about it.

She picked you up easily and pulled you into her lap, against the solid warmth of her chest.

“It’s ok, it’s ok... it’s just a little mark. See it’s ok.”

You rubbed the spot where you’d burned him with your fingers, you felt so guilty.

Suddenly you were being pulled into your mom’s much smaller lap, and you sobbed in earnest. Trying to force yourself deeper into her thin chest, letting her scent wash over you.

“...I’m thorry! I didn’t mean to!”

Her hands on your back were soft and soothing, you felt better already. The power of a mother over a child. So intense and so innate. It made you wish you had a mother. But you’d never even been born.

“It’s alright Sollux, I know you didn’t. When you practice you just need to be a little more aware of your surroundings, ok?”

You managed to calm down, to snuffle your tears away as Kanika returned with tissues and started scrubbing at your face in a way that made you squirm.

She finally deemed you clean enough and you sighed with relief.

“...Ok... I’m thorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize honey, it’s ok.”

You nodded your understanding, and she picked you up and turned you sideways.

“So. We’ll put a bandaid on Bumble Boy just for tonight and fix him up tomorrow. I’m going to let you have your dessert, and we’ll have Auntie Kanika finish doing your hair while you're eating. Sound good?”

You nodded again, calm washing over you.

MT climbed onto the couch with your pudding cup and handed it to you with a spoon.

“You have to show me how to do that! It was really cool...”

You wiped at your eyes and managed a smile as you took it, letting your toy fall into your lap. You petted it distractedly with one hand.

“I will. Later. Can you get a bandaid for Bumble Boy?”

“What color do you think he’d like?”

“Red or blue.”

“What about... yellow?”

You nodded.

“Yellow ith good too.”

She grinned at you. Her face was smaller and so much rounder than the face you knew, but her grin was the same. She scrambled off the couch, and to the bedroom and you opened your pudding cup as your mom pressed a kiss to your cheek.

You felt happy now that you were in her arms. The jealousy and the annoyance and the despair seemed far away.

Everything seemed so far away.

You weren’t really there. It seemed to be falling apart, the sight, the smell, the feeling of Sai’s warmth, it wasn’t real. It didn’t belong to you.

You were waking up.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's Auntie Kanika you ask? Psst it's the Sufferer. Since his true name is unknown or unspecified I just found a six letter K name that I liked because I wanted Sai(onic) to have at least one friend damnit.  
> I'm gonna start moving into a faster time flow soon, I think. Maybe. It's hard to know exactly when things will set up enough for that. I'm trying to set things up that way. But we're a week in and it's been uhh. 41 chapters... since the first time Eridan and Sollux met? So hopefully I can get things moving a little faster here soon. I just have so many ideas about where this is all going and I'm really excited to get into the dream thing more.  
> And Sollux exploring her powers, and Eridan trying to do human things. I'm pretty psyched tbh.


	42. Reverse Nip Slip

**Be Sollux: Reverse Nip Slip**

The room was dark, humming with electricity, all around you were computers and strange machines, like the machines in the lab, but that wasn’t where you were. Someone was walking towards you, they had a cane. 

You watched Doc Scratch emerge from the machinery, she seemed to make her own light, her head seemed solid.

She walked up to one of the computers and turned it on. The monitor hummed to life. Your angle cut off most of the screen, but it looked like a graph.

Something moved in the far corner, a figure. A demon with a long coat stepped out from the shadows, they were thin, angular, they only had one eye. Their horns barely emerged from the thick mop of black hair that came to their shoulder.

“Hey Scratch... I heard you had something to say to me. Maybe even something that isn’t predictable flowery bullshit.”

_ Hello Vriska. I’m afraid you heard wrong, but I’m glad you're here nonetheless.  _

They sneered.

“Are you? You pulled that sniveling pansy out of the pit months ago... Don’t think word doesn’t get around.”

_ It certainly does when you torture your former co-workers for information. Renatu is recovering well, if you were concerned. _

They snarled, with as much murderous intent as they could muster. Which was a lot, they seemed almost unhinged. You got the sense that if they didn’t know Doc Scratch was immortal they would be torturing her to death with glee.

“You could have gotten a pardon for me but you wasted it on that simpering bitch instead! It’s your fault! You’re the reason I ended up down there in the fucking first place! I’ve been slogging my way through suicidals and husks for five months, like I didn’t have anything better to do! Do you know how fucking boring it is to just kill demons nonstop? You ruined murder for me!!”

Really, really unhinged.

_ Blaming me for revenge you chose to seek seems rather unfair. I only offered you the tools, you were the one who chose to implement them against your former lover and your... ah, ill-advised crush. _

“You know where they are.”

_ Of course, but I would caution you against approaching either of them. Unless you wish to die again. How many times has it been now? Seven? _

“Ha! Caution! I tried the cautious approach. I planned it all out, with all your little whisperings in my ear. I spun the perfect web to catch my prey, to even the score, but all along I was just pulling the strings of your web closer and closer until all demonkind was wriggling around in it. Dying slowly like pathetic useless flies.”

_ Perhaps you should die again. It might bring your perspective into sharper focus. Restore your vision eightfold so to speak. _

They stepped closer. Their face was blank, emotionless.

“Don’t forget I can break that precious contract of yours. I made it after all.”

_ I cannot argue that. If you wished to break it no law would question you, no legislacerator would hunt you down. You would be well within your rights. _

They smiled. Their voice was suddenly smooth and charming.

“I’m glad we could reach an understanding Doc... I’ll see you later.”

_ Goodbye Vriska. _

The vision started to fade as they turned to leave. You were waking up. Doc Scratch turned towards you suddenly, her head became the strange white void.

_ Spirit you are lost. Go back to the veil and make your choice. _

The scene was shrinking and you were coming back to your body, you heard her speak one more time in your head, but it was like a echo, faint and wobbly.

_ Good luck. _

You woke up.

Your face was still smooshed against ED’s neck.

You tried to hold on to the details of the premonition but were like water. You managed to snag Scratch, Vriska, contract, before it faded completely. Hopefully it would come back closer to it’s temporal relevance or something would jog the memory back.

You blinked, your eyelashes brushed against the skin on her neck. This close you could see through the glamour that hid her scars, they seemed pretty deep, they were markedly raised above her skin.

You wondered if it was really irreversible. 

Things had shifted as you slept, ED had gone kind of sideways, her far arm over the edge, and you were half on top of her, pretty much completely on top of her, your legs all tangled and your arm pressed against her side.

This was a new thing for you. Cuddling all night.

You’d never been much of a cuddler. You ran hot and no matter how close you started you always ended up rolling away from your bedmate to escape their heat at some point. But ED had a lower body temperature than any human you’d ever met. 

Apparently that was what it took to make you cuddly. 

You scooted down and slightly off her and she made a soft grumbling noise. You needed to take a piss but you didn’t want to wake her up.

You started moving again after a moment, you watched her carefully as you lifted your torso off hers, but she didn’t stir again.

Your eyes widened as you sat up, her stupid dress had gotten pushed aside underneath you. Her whole tit was hanging out.

It didn’t have a nipple. 

You didn’t even try to convince yourself to stop staring at it. It looked like a full, human breast, but where the nipple would be it just came to a soft point, like the bottom of a peach, or in her case a plum because the area was flushed violet under her grey skin.

What was the point of it?

Was it sensitive?

Was the literal point of it sensitive?

She shifted suddenly with a soft sigh, and you realized you need to get the fuck out of dodge before the urge to touch it got any stronger. You clambered out of bed as quickly as you dared and made your way to the bathroom.

Puzzling over the nipple-less boob.

You hadn’t seen her full breasts before, even in the grocery store her scarf had hidden the area and you had just assumed she had nipples, because boobs usually had nipples. In your personal experience at least.

When she and KN had dueled, he hadn’t been wearing a shirt, and you recalled he had neither nipples or a belly button, but it hadn’t seemed that strange or noteworthy to you at the time for a million reasons.

You had assumed that ED had a belly button though, that it had been destroyed by her scar, because... you weren’t really sure why. You just had.

You hadn’t really thought about it before, but now her whole appearance seemed markedly strange.

Demons couldn’t have babies, they didn’t need reproductive systems. So why did she even have boobs in the first place? Why did she have, for the most part, the appearance of a full figured human woman?

Was it because she wanted to look that way?

If her soul made her body, did her soul dictate her appearance to a degree? 

You knew demons had sex. She had talked about it, but how did they have sex? Did they have human sex organs? Or did they have pseudo-human genitals, as alien looking as her boob was to you?

Were they more alien looking? 

When you saw the violet splotch on the shower curtain, your first thought had been jizz. Violet demon cum. Because you thought, despite your best efforts not to, that she was jerking off in there. Even though you had no real evidence of that, no evidence that she could even produce something like that, and no idea what her genitals looked like.

You’d seen her naked but curled up and from behind, and then your fascination had been held by seeing how her tail connected to her back, just over her ass, the deep dimples made by the surrounding muscles that help control it.

How weirdly cute it was.

Her boob was weirdly cute too, and you were so fucking curious.

You were so fucking curious about all of it.

You buried your head in your hands as you sat on the toilet and groaned as loudly as you dared.

God, you were too much of a perv for this situation. You had to get it together. There was a line, damnit. And if you crossed it you would be sacrificing your chances for a normal future. A normal future with a normal human partner.

Curiosity was understandable but you had to stop yourself. You had to .

Asking KN about it in private was probably not crossing the line though. 

Probably.

You finished your business and rather than return to your room you wandered downstairs to make coffee. No way you were getting back in bed now, not with ED’s tit hanging out and your mind fixating on it’s strange soft violet tinged point. 

You might as well make some coffee and start working on how you were going to fix this whole hidden house conundrum. You had a few ideas already, but no specific plan. 

You started the pot and then darted up to the stairwell to wait for it to finish brewing. The kitchen was still too far away from her for you to feel really comfortable there. You wondered how long it was going to be like this, how long would you need to stay so close to feel secure, to feel ok?

How many more nights was she going to sleep in your bed?

What else would you discover?

**Be Eridan: She's Smart**

You woke up to the constant sound of tapping keys, alone in Sol’s bed. 

You remembered more of that memory than the last one. Probably because it had so much emotion in it.

You sat up slowly, pushing the blanket off yourself and adjusted your dress since it had gone a bit wonky while you slept. The whole room smelled so much like Sol, from her skin to her sweat to faint traces of her fear and arousal. It was thick in the air and you found it kind of comforting. 

Like how she found the Bumble Boy comforting.

You wondered if she still had it. You wanted to touch it and see if it felt nice to you. And you wanted to see how Sai fixed the burn mark.

“... Mornin’ Sol.”

The tapping continued, uninterrupted. 

You slid out of bed, stepping around her backpack and a stack of notebooks on the ground, towards the big black chair where she sat, typing away at her computer. It was immobile and lifeless, like the ones Doc Scratch used, you could smell the hot metal and plastic, all the electricity coursing through it.

It seemed a little archaic to you, and a tad illogical, but humans did things in strange ways.

Sometimes in more enjoyable ways. 

You thought driving cars was more fun than transportalizing, even though one was clearly vastly superior in terms of efficiency. And you had learned skateboarding was more fun than running, even though they consisted of some of the same movements and you weren’t really sure which was the faster mode of travel.

She stuck her arm out suddenly as you approached from the side, stopping you, she had earphones in, you could hear the music coming from them faintly

“Hold on, ED.”

“W-what-”

“Hold On.”

She pulled her arm back and rapidly typed several lines of code, you noticed the ring sitting on her desk, next to the keyboard, the engagement ring. But the stone had been popped off and the band was split in half.. But apparently it wasn’t a stone, it wasn’t even solid gold. It was some kind of device. You could see the impossibly tiny circuitry in it.

You were too dazed from sleep to pull any conclusions except panic from it. 

“W-what the fuck is goin’ on?!”

She pulled the cords out of her ears and turned to look at you with a grin.

“Alright. Morning.”

You pointed at the disassembled ring with a shaking finger.

“Sol w-what the fuck did you do?”

She shook her head with a smug little smile.

“It’s ok, ED. Nothing’s wrong.”

You growled at her to express your extreme distrust of that statement.

“Fuckin’ explain please.”

“As soon as you took the ring, I noticed that mine became kind of warm. For you it probably always was. I thought it was just some spell thing, but Doc Scratch doesn’t do magic. She probably didn’t even need the rings to connect our souls, just what could barely be called permission. I mean... I know I feel fucking violated. Anyways. I started wondering what they were really for... and how she’s tracking us through them... Turns out, they’re just literal goddamn tracking devices. Devices that can be hacked.”

You remembered how the ring had felt strangely warm inside your nook and you flushed a little.

“So you just fuckin’ took it apart? W-won’t she noticed that one isn’t workin’ all the sudden?”

“Oh, it’s still working... but now I control the signal it broadcasts. I just pulled it apart to get it off my finger when I was checking it out. I couldn’t get it off before because the band had a exact fucking fit. Which is kind of spooky if you think about it.”

“So you can control the signal...? How does this help us Sol? Unless you can conv-vince her that the interference she saw yesterday w-was from somethin’ else.”

“I can now... all I have to do is show her that something is interfering with yours too.”

“An w-what exactly are you blamin’ this interference on?”

“A satellite.”

You scoffed.

“You expect me ta believ-ve you ave a satellite?”

“Rude. But uhh... no I don’t. Mr. LaLonde does though. I made KN go over there earlier and get me remote access to his computer so I could poke around for anything useful. And he happens to have a satellite, which I can manipulate. Scratch will see the “interference” and then she’ll focus her attention on disabling that signal. While she’s doing that I can finish making the rings give out a sensible automatic alternate location when we go to his house.”

You stared at her, she was so pleased with herself. So insanely pleased. You were begrudgingly impressed.

“Fuck, you did all that already? How long ave I been asleep...?”

“Uh... a bit. But I got up really early. It’s like... almost 11 now.”

“That seems like a pretty good plan an all... but w-where do we tell her you went yesterday? W-wasn’t that the fuckin’ whole thing? W-we needed to keep her from discoverin’ the house is a blind spot?”

“Yeah... but here’s the thing. If LaLonde worked for Doc Scratch, then she knows about his house already. I mean we have to assume she knows where it is. But if she disables the satellite while we're at the house and then suddenly receives our location again, she won’t suspect that the house itself hides us from her, or that I can manipulate the signal she receives from the rings. After that we can go there, or wherever we want without her knowing as long I have some time to plan for it.”

You frowned piecing it all together in your mind.

“So w-we tell her the truth. An after that, once she disables the satellite an sees the fake signal, when either of us goes to the blind spot the rings will tell her that we’re somewhere else... an she won’t ev-ven know she didn’t solv-ve the fuckin’ problem.”

“It helps that these aren’t particularly accurate devices... they monitor our physical distance from each other more than our actual location. So I’m 99% confident it’ll work.”

You grinned at her. She radiated confidence, and it was attractive.

“Sol... that’s actually brilliant. Nobody told me you w-were fuckin’ smart.”

She snorted a laugh.

“Yeah. Well. I’m generally fucking underrated.”

“You w-weren’t rated at all. I mean it w-wasn’t like I got to read a little paragraph describin’ your skills an personality w-when I got roped inta all this.”

She smirked at you and stretched her arms above her shoulders with a soft groan.

“Fair enough. So. I’m about ready here. You want to get dressed and get ready to go?”

Your stomach twisted, empty and nervous. You were really doing this. You were going to try to outsmart a god with only Kan and handful of humans on your side. You had no hope of winning, really, but this is what you had to do. To try and save Fef.

Because you had a feeling, a horrible feeling that you mostly tried to ignore, that Scratch wasn’t really planning on coming back.

“Yeah... I’ll go get changed... How are w-we gettin’ up there exactly?”

“Apparently RS’s transportalizer can only take one person at a time. Since being separated isn’t really an option for us... we’re going to take KN’s car.”

“Oh. W-well I’m drivin’ then.”

Sol spun her chair towards you and glared.

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“ _ No, _ you’re not.”

“ _ Yes _ , I fuckin’ am. I’m driv-vin’. It ain’t your car. An Kan doesn’t ev-ven know how to drive.”

That last part was a lie but you hoped she wouldn’t sense that.

“He’s not here anyways. He’s helping the others figure out what the machines in the lab do. Hopefully.”

“Did he leav-ve you the keys?”

She stared at you for a moment, her expression fixed on stubborn refusal.

“...No.”

You smirked.

“That’s w-what I thought.”

You turned around to leave and she sighed heavily.

“If you fuck up. I’m taking over. That’s the deal.”

You gave her a disinterested wave as you walked out of the room, you let your hips sway a little more than normal so your dress swished against your thighs. You felt her eyes on you.

“W-whatever Sol.”

You hadn’t entirely given up on the idea of seducing her.

You figured it couldn’t hurt. You’d never had sex with a human before, but it was supposed to be pretty fun, even glamoured. You’d always wanted to try it but your influence was too intense for you to be around humans casually before. You always got sent up with a magical suppressor to stop you from causing instant gratuitous murder sprees and you still managed to make humans actively try to exterminate each other. But now you could barely influence ten of them at once to do harmless, menial tasks. Your influence was barely strong enough to warrant your being on Earth from a technical standpoint.

Which meant it was finally your chance. Your chance to see what all the fuss with screwing humans was about.

If Sol would have you, anyways.

You were pretty sure she would eventually. At least, you hoped she would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boob will now haunt Sollux until she gets to touch it.  
> Also plot stuff. I hope it makes sense it makes sense to me?


	43. Move On

**Be Sollux: Move On**

You were nervous about letting ED drive, but you knew she still had the keys to KNs car and you weren’t quite at full power yet, meaning unless you got the drop on her, you would probably lose any contest of strength for them.

And MT seemed perfectly comfortable with it, so she couldn’t be that bad of a driver. It just seemed like a bad idea. Because she was unlicensed and also a fucking demon.

Your bond tugged you down the stairs as you struggled into your shoes, almost half an hour after she had left your room.  You found her in the kitchen eating whole eggs from the fridge with animalistic glee and you didn’t even bother trying to disguise your horror.

“The fuck are you doing ED?!”

She popped another egg in her mouth and crunched it solidly, the sound made you a little sick. Her dark gray tongue darted out to lick a smear of yolk from her purple-black lips, and she swallowed with a grin.

“I w-was hungry. Did you eat?”

You cringed a little as she licked bits of eggshell from between her big white teeth.

“Uggh... No, but now I don’t fucking want to.”

She laughed throatily.

“Sol you don’t ev-ven know... I ain’t ever _ w-wanted _ to eat before I came up here.”

“Right. Well. Maybe we can find... a less insanely creepy way for you to do that.”

“W-whatever... You ave to eat too, Sol.”

ED shut the fridge door and walked over to you, arm outstretched with two eggs cupped gently in her palm. When you didn’t move to take them she cocked her head, perplexed.

“I’ll take the shells if you don’t w-want em.”

You laughed at that. She seemed to genuinely think you could just eat raw eggs.

You accepted her offering, ignoring her confused and slightly offended expression as you walked over to the stove, setting them on top while you dug a pan out of the cupboards so you could cook them.

ED watched you with her arms crossed over her chest and a little frown on her face. She was wearing her scarf again so the thick material bunched over her chest with the gesture making her look comically top heavy.

“Can you not eat food if you aven’t cooked it first? Is that just how-w humans ave to fuckin’ eat?”

You snorted a laugh.

“Yes, I have to cook everything or I’ll die a puketacular death.”

“Fuck off Sol. I’m just tryin’ to understand how your stomach w-works.”

You cracked the eggs one at a time into the pan now that it was hot enough.

“I can’t eat raw meat or eggs. Except in very specific circumstances.”

“W-why?”

“Because they carry bacteria that could make me sick.”

“...Can you smell it?”

She had come up beside you, her expression was genuinely curious.

“Smell what?”

“W-when somethin’ will make you sick...”

You shook your head no.

“Not always... We humans rely on word of mouth most of the time to know when shits not good to eat.”

“... That’s fuckin’ unfortunate.”

You deemed the eggs cooked enough and snagged a plate to plop them on to eat them. ED watched you scarf them down with sharp eyes. You wished she would stop staring at you, but you stared at her all the time, so it wasn’t like you could blame her. You found her everything weird, and she found you, predictably, just as fucking weird.

You were basically aliens to each other.

You finished your last bite, and gently shoved her out of the way so you could put your plate in the sink.

“Alright. I ate. You ready to go?”

“Yeah... I just w-wanted to... um.”

You raised an eyebrow at the tinge of violet that appeared in her cheeks.

“... I w-wanted to say goodbye to Sai...”

That wasn’t what you expected her to say at all.

“Oh. I think she’s out walking the dogs...”

She nodded with a slight frown. So weird. Since when did she care about your mom?

“Ok... I guess w-we can go then...”

You realized what had happened.

“... Did you have another memory dream?”

ED flushed a brighter violet, then looked away and fidgeted with her many rings. Twisting them over her gray fingers.

“... Yes.”

“What was the memory?”

You couldn’t keep the irritation or the urgency out of your voice. You could think of a thousand and one memories you did want her to see. Or feel. You weren’t really sure what getting one was like since you hadn’t had one yet. You weren’t exactly looking forward to it.

“It w-wasn’t anythin’ w-weird... I was gettin’- or you w-were gettin’ your hair braided. Cornrows...”

You stared at her.

You hadn’t sat through that agonizing process in years. Like since you were five or six. She had seen another old memory, one that most likely involved your mom and certainly your Aunt Kanika. You breathed a sigh of relief.

“Ok... That’s fine. Yeah, that’s fine.”

She nodded slightly, worrying her bottom lip a little with one of her fangs. You’d drag more about it out of her later, but now you really needed to leave and get this shit show on the road.

Before something about your whole wack situation got impossibly wacker.

“Alright... Let’s head out. Do you have the keys?”

She pulled her creepy taxidermied angler fish purse out of thin air with a smug grin and spun on her heels, walking away from you before you could make a grab for it.

“Come on Sol...”

You followed her with a sigh. You really didn’t have much hope of wrestling the keys from her at this point.

She was already in and running KN’s sleek black car by the time you got to it, sitting in the driver's seat with the windows cracked to let the heat out.

She had actually removed her scarf, so you could see the distinctly conservative neckline of her snakeskin romper thing. You weren’t sure why KN was trying so hard to get her to dress like she wasn’t a showy slinky slut. At this point, seeing her so covered up just looked weird to you.

You opened the passenger the door and climbed in, shoving your backpack to the floor in the back.

ED was fiddling with her new bug-phone, her mouth a little frown of concentration.

You wiggled your own phone out of your pocket and shot out a few texts to the other parties involved.

Music blasted suddenly and loudly from the stereo and you jumped in surprise before she turned it down. You could see the amusement in her eyes and you tried not to let it get under your skin, managing to feel only slightly prickly about it.

It was more sad hipster music. A little less overtly sad than before. You would say melancholy.

“W-where to, Sol?”

She passed you her phone, open to google maps, and you took it gingerly, trying not to flinch every time one of it’s little legs touched you as you typed the address.

The little voice spoke over the stereo, and you snickered at the absurdity of a bug having bluetooth capabilities.

She backed out of the driveway, looking over her shoulder without even a touch of worry, of which you had plenty.

You watched her every move, but she seemed at ease. Driving confidently without any shoes on, probably due to her thick skin, her glamour shimmering faintly around her person, following the directions as they interrupted her music without any question. Just brief glances at signs, puzzling them out quickly.

Once you were on the freeway and nothing seemed amiss to you, she was following the laws of the road to the extent you did, not tailgating or driving too fast in the slow lane, you finally relaxed. Leaning back fully into the seat for the first time.

ED noticed, with a quick glance and soft throaty chuckle. Her voice had a rich raspy quality that seemed to never go away, only to vary and deepen with emotion. It colored her laugh and if you didn’t know what her growl sounded like it would be easy to think she was always angry.

“Finally fuckin’ decided you can trust me, Sol?”

You raised an eyebrow.

“Trust you?”

“Y’know... trust me not to hurt you?”

It was your turn to chuckle.

“That’s not what I was worried about ED. Trusting you not to hurt me is... basically a goddamn given at this point. If I didn’t, I certainly wouldn’t get in a fucking car with you. It’s everyone else I’m worried about.”

She shook her head, with a short sharp sigh.

“I w-wouldn’t actually hurt your shitty fuckin’ friends Sol.”

“Oh, yeah? What about all of them?”

You gestured loosely out the window. At all the regular people going about their days, 95% of whom had no idea that demons and ghosts and monsters existed and would happily hurt them.

ED just scoffed.

“W-why do you think I giv-ve a fuck about them? One w-way or a fuckin’ nother. They’re just humans.”

“You got sent up here to fuck with us. Demons are on Earth, influencing humans to hurt each other and making deals to steal people's souls and you were one of them.”

“An? I already fuckin’ told you. It’s... not like I could help it. Not every influence is created equal, an mine was almost too strong an too... violent to be useful. I had to wear magical suppressors to stop humans from just outright fuckin’ murderin’ each other when I got near them for fucks sake.”

You dug your heels in, you weren’t going to let her blow you off this time. You had questions and you wanted answers.

“What’s the point of it ED? Why do you guys need to trick dumbasses into signing away their souls, into fucking hurting each other? You said demons come from souls that wouldn’t pass on, but I have to tell you, in the cold light of day, that smells like a fat steaming pile of bullshit.”

Her jaw made a tight line of frustration, and the silence between you dragged out, filled inadequately by her soft tinkling music.

She interrupted it abruptly, her voice tight and angry.

“How do you think my phone is made?”

You opened your mouth in surprise and then shut it because you genuinely had no idea.

“Guess Sol. I really w-wanna know if you can figure it out. I w-wanna know if you’re really as fuckin’ smart as you seem to think you are.” 

You stared at it curled into a ball in the cupholder.

It was a fair question. How did they make these things, these living devices that did their bidding without question? Magic, the kind of magic you’d seen KN and RS do, couldn’t make something alive do that without constantly pouring energy into it, forcing the will of the creature down to control it. It would be impossible to maintain. The only explanation was that these creatures were ok with being used. They were ok with existing in such a state, fused with technology and complying with their demon masters.

You swallowed hard, realizing no animal would do that. No animal would give up it’s agency so completely, no matter how desperate. 

“That’s somebody’s fucking soul.”

“No.”

You tried again. You couldn’t keep the horror twisting in your gut from coloring your words. You couldn’t keep the horror from making you feel sick to your stomach.

“That’s a piece of somebody's soul. And you turned it into a motherfucking cell phone.”

“It had a choice... it chose to stay an be useful rather than pass outta existence. Consent is everythin’ to us. You can trick, an scheme, an rig the game to a point, but choosin’ your fate, it’s all w-we ave. No choice, no point in livin’... No honor in death for a demon either.”

You struggled for understanding.

“Why... do you need more...”

“Cause we don’t live for fuckin’ ever... an w-we only shed so much. An a soul piece can be only used so many times, ev-ventually there’s just nothin’ left. It gets too... thin. But society keeps fuckin’ marching onw-wards... an societies need fuel to burn.”

Oh no. Oh no, no, no.

“... ED what happened to your old phone?”

“Hmm? Kan took it to Ta- a old friend a mine. They like to take care a broken things, treat em like they can be happy. It’ll live out the rest of it’s days w-with a bunch a other broken phones an junk.”

Fuck. This was so much to take in. 

It was so much horrible, terrible shit to take in.

You closed your eyes, breathed in through your nose and out through your mouth. Tried to quell the nausea turning your stomach.

“Ok. Fine, I get the deals now... I get it. But what about... causing horrible shit to happen here? Why do that?”

“You know what makes people w-want to try again? Avin’ shit liv-ves. Misery, despair, regret. Fear. Fear a the unknown. Fear a w-what they can’t fuckin’ control.”

“So demons come here and sow the seeds...” you said quietly. 

“It’s w-what has to be done, supposedly.”

“Is there some kind of quota you have to fill? Some giant log book of souls you’ve tormented, tricked and dragged to Hell?”

You couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of your voice.

“Not that I know of... I w-wasn’t ev-ver... involved in that kinda decision makin’ anyway... I just did w-what I w-was told for the most part.”

You felt like pulling your hair out. You were actually tugging on it in frustration, in anger. Not necessarily at her, just at everything. At the whole goddamn circle of insane evil logic her society was built on.

“That’s insane. And so fucking cruel. All of this... it’s absurdly fucking cruel...! It’s so- how the fuck can you justifying doing this shit?! To humans, to each other?!”

She turned her head towards you slightly, the corners of her mouth twitched upwards into a wry smile.

“It’s a fuckin’ punishment. Bein’ a demon... losing bits a yourself, fightin’ and killin’ and starvin’... watchin’ demons you lov-v-ve... lose themselves too. It’s just a punishment for bein’ too stupid to see the value a your ow-wn life, for bein’ to much ofa fuckin’ cow-ward to stop existin’ like you should ave w-when your time came. You take the punishment, an it hurts somethin’ aw-wful so you dish it out one way or another, an that hurts you ev-ven more. There’s no respite Sol, only more fuckin’ pain.”

The music paused and the bright cheerful voice directed her to another exit, and you said nothing.

You weren’t sure what the right thing to say was. Nothing seemed right.

An apology seemed trivial and almost cruel. That was her reality. ED was a creature born of torment. Her soul chose that for her.

She sighed softly as she switched lanes. Her hands were tight on the steering wheel, almost clenched.

“Sol... I don’t expect you to forgiv-ve me. For w-what I’ve done here. I know it ain’t right. But that isn’t somethin’ that... it’s kinda a priv-vlige to care about stuff like that... An I didn’t ave it then. All I can I say is I'm sorry... an I regret it now.”

You sighed and looked out the window.

“I’m not... mad at you, ok? Or upset at you even. It’s just fucking shitty. Unbelievably shitty. To hear that’s what your life is like.”

“W-was.”

“What?”

“W-what my life  _ w-was _ like. It’s a little less shitty now cause I... I ave some hope. That things might start gettin’ better... Not a lot, mind. Basically fuckin’ none still. ”

She had this fake little frown plastered on her face but her cheeks bloomed violet and you smirked.

“Is having hope for the future a bad thing?”

“It’s generally pretty fuckin’ stupid Sol.”

“Yeah... I get that.”

She snorted a derisive laugh. You were coming off the highway now, driving through a little town.

“You saying that is insulin’. Your soul is complete an you ave your w-whole fuckin’ mortal life ahead a you.”

You twitched at that. She had no idea.

“I see the end of the world, or a world, about once a week. I hear the screams of the dying, the dead and the imminently deceased like a goddamn symphony of despair. Even if I had hope for the future at one point, which I can tell you I never fucking have, it would have been clubbed to death by all the clowns ushering in the end a long time ago. Swarms of clowns cackling and screaming with joy as they crushed my pathetic ill gotten hope under their ridiculous oversized rubber shoes.”

ED looked at you for a split second longer than she should have before she returned her eyes to the road.

“...W-what’s with the fuckin’ clowns?”

You sighed and rubbed at your eyes.

“I don’t know there were a bunch in my last Armageddon premonition. Like fuck tons of murderous juggalos roaming the streets and rivers of lava and ash in the air. Everyone dying or already dead.”

“Is this a for sure thing or just a w-what if? Cause I’m pretty sure I could handle some clow-wns Sol. I’d keep you safe.”

You smiled a little at that despite yourself. 

“It’s one of those wait and see situations. I have premonitions about... timelines that aren’t this one, and planets that aren’t this one, or are but in like the distant past or future so it’s sort of unrecognizable. Maybe in other universes too, it’s hard to know.”

“Seems pretty useless as a pow-wer goes.”

“It is... I guess that’s my punishment. Seeing all that end of the world crap over and over...”

“Punishment for w-what exactly?”

“... For being useless.”

“W-what are you fuckin’ talkin’ about Sol?”

Her voice was angry, irritated.

You shrugged, staring at a fixed point out the window.

“I could do more... help people. I’m just shit at the people part. Actually I suck doubly hard at both parts. I’m that much of a screwup.”

“Oh boo fuckin’ hoo. So you ain’t perfect. I ain’t seen any a these me-  _ humans _ runnin’ around, riskin’ their safety, tryin’ to sav-ve a demon they don’t ev-ven know from the abyss. I ain’t hardly seen humans be even half as nice to each other as you’ve been to me. An you should fuckin’ hate my guts Sol. By all rights you should despise me but you’re too fuckin’ busy directin’ it at yourself.”

That touched a nerve. You felt your shoulders stiffen.

“Maybe I am starting to fucking hate you ED. The way you trivialize my feelings really stokes the coals of my hate-furnace. Give me a another week and I might have a full blaze of intense dislike you can warm your icy hands with.”

“My hands ain’t cold, you're just burnin’ up w-with hate for yourself for no good fuckin’ reason.”

“I have plenty of reasonsth to hate myself. You just wouldn’t get them because you’ve never stopped to pull your head out of your own assth an smell anything nicer than your own bullthit!”

Your lisp was coming out stronger now, you were losing control in your anger.

“Better to ave my head up my ass than to be tryin’ to lobotomize myself for not bein’ good enough all the fuckin’ time. Maybe you should try havin’ some fuckin’ pride, might make you more tolerable ta be around!”

You scoffed.

“Come off it! You aren’t even fucking proud of yourself ED! You just don’t want anyone to call you out for being a needy bitch so you pretend to be some thelf athurred ice princessth! Like anyone would buy that bullshit if they spent more than five fucking secondsth with you!”

She snarled at you. Apparently now you had touched a nerve.

“Ya’know w-what I think Sol?! I think! You’re just fuckin’ pissed you can’t get a buddy to fuckin’ despise yourself with. You’re tired a stewin’ in your self loathin’ all by your lonesome an you just w-want someone to throw you a bone an say, “ You’re right, you suck. You’re an irredeemable piece a shit an you shouldn’t ev-ven try anymore”, w-well I’m fuckin’ tellin you! It ain’t gonna be me! If you w-wanna be miserable an pathetic an piss your mortal life aw-way that’s your fuckin’ business, but don’t you fuckin’  _ dare _ drag me into it Sol!”

Your throat felt tight. You wanted to punch her.

“Fuck You. Go fuck yourself with your frozen fingers.”

“W-why? You thinkin’ a joinin’ me?” she snapped immediately.

You snorted derisively.

“You wish.”

“Sometimes.”

“...”

Oh my god, what? What the fuck was wrong with you? This was dumb. Start to finish it was all dumb.

“... w-was that too far?”

You were trying not to laugh, because this was a dumb argument, the dumbest argument, so dumb it seemed too dumb to laugh at. But the genuine concern in her voice tipped you over the edge.

You couldn’t stop laughing for a good few minutes, ED glancing at you repeatedly with her face fully lavender, and a disgruntled frown tugging the corners of her mouth down. 

Her head wasn’t up her ass, just a really big stick. The biggest stick she could probably find.

You finally managed to subside your giggling fit and she let out an annoyed little puff of air.

“... You fuckin’ done yet?”

“...ehe... fuck if I know...”

“You fuckin’ started it.”

“True.”

“I just... I don’t fuckin’ get why you hate yourself so much...!”

“What’s there to get? I’m a cursed queer bipolar psychic, haunted by doomed timelines and the voices of the dead, and I’m a huge asshole.”

“... I don’t know w-what half that shit means... but you ain’t cursed Sol.”

“Why are you here then? No offense but... this? This is textbook bad luck.”

She growled at you softly.

“Sayin’ no offense doesn’t make w-what you said not offensive. You don’t ev-ven get how fuckin' lucky you are to ave me Sol.”

You smirked at her and her cheeks got more purple.

“Hmm...”

“Anyone else w-woulda bitten your pretty face off days ago.”

She always said “pretty face”, you tried not to let it make you flush, with moderate success.

“It’s not like you haven’t tried.”

“I w-was only makin’ a threat! I ain’t ev-ver been serious about it, an you know it.”

“... So you like me?”

“No!”

You grinned.

“That’s exactly what someone who likes me would say. It’s ok, you don’t have to be embarrassed. Well, you should be a little embarrassed.”

“I don’t fuckin’ like you!”

“Right. And that’s why we’re even having this conversation.”

She huffed angrily. Her face was adorably purple.

“Fine! I like you, but it ain’t easy cause you’re obnoxious an kinda a jerk, an I don’t ev-ven know if I could kill you or not.”

You stared at her, wide eyed with alarm.

“Why the fuck would you need to know that?”

“Because... I mean, how else would we know w-who’s the dominant? If you don’t know or it flips all the time... it just gets all fucked up and unhealthy. I w-would fuckin’ know.”

“Jesus, am I your rebound?”

“Shut up Sol.”

“Oh my god... I’m your fucking rebound.”

“Sol!”

“I gotta say that puts some serious stress on our relationship.”

“Sol! Shut the fuck up!”

You snickered.

“That bad, huh?”

“You w-wanna know what happens in a bad relationship?! Fuckin’ fine.”

The harshness of her voice made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

“I was with a demon I w-worked with. I let him scent me ev-ven though we flipped all the time an nev-ver had an established who was the true dominant. He humiliated me, broke my heart, an then he fuckin’ killed me cause he claimed I w-was borrin’. I came back, killed him, an moved on. But he decided he w-wanted my new partner, an when he couldn’t steal them, he crippled them an made me w-watch. Naturally I fuckin’ killed im immediately. Then later he outright killed my partner, an to top it all off he was a huge fuckin’ jerk to Kan from the fuckin’ beginin’, ev-ven though he knew Kan had feelin’s for him. So you aren’t the rebound. You’re the rebound to the fuckin’ rebound. You ain’t shit Sol.”

ED’s whole body had gone tense with a cold fury as she drove, staring straight ahead like she didn’t want you to see her full expression. Her voice dropped lower.

“... If I ever see that piece a shit again... I’ll w-won’t kill ‘im. Ev-ven if he begs for it. An I’ll make sure he w-will. He doesn't deserve that kinda kindness... Especially not from me.”

Silence stretched out between you for a long moment while you tried to make sense of everything you’d just heard.

“... Wow. Fuck, yeah... that sounds bad.”

ED sighed.

“It ain’t supposed to be like that. I don’t know how it’s supposed to be w-with humans... but for us, it’s important to know w-who holds the pow-wer. W-who can kill you. Otherwise... things can get real murdery, real fuckin’ fast.”

You rubbed your neck, turning over the vague and violent details of her past relationship in your brain. You couldn’t really hold the scope of it in your head. It was too crazy. Too inhuman.

“... I can see why demon human relationships aren’t a thing.”

She let out a soft dry chuckle.

“That’s less about pow-wer dynamics an more about... how w-we aren’t usually able to relate to all your emotions. Fuckin’ humans is a thing though. Lotsa demon’s lov-ve to do that.”

“Yeah. I know ED. I’ve seen people get seduced.”

“It’s not like it hurts em... it just... marks their souls for Hell...”

She paused.

“Huh... that’s not much ofa fair trade, is it?”

You snickered at her puzzled expression. It clearly wasn’t something she had thought about before.

“No... it really isn’t.”

“Fairness is kinda... relativ-ve, I guess.”

“To you maybe. You demons seem pretty comfortable rigging your games and tricking people, manipulating each other to your own shitty ends.”

“I mean if you fall for it... an it ain’t somethin’ you w-wanted, that’s your own fault, an you deserve to face the consequences.”

“Is that why you let KN do all that shit to you? Letting you get sick and making you duel with him and-”

“An tellin’ me to go to that store w-where you worked? Yeah, it is. If I didn’t trust that he had my best interests at heart I w-wouldn’t listen to him. I know better. An as for the duel... it w-was gonna happen one w-way or another. I felt bad, knowin’ how much he wanted to w-win... how desperate I made him... but ev-ven if I had beat him I still w-woulda let the two a you cut my horns. At least... I think I would ave.”

You shook your head. 

“... I don’t know how anything is supposed to work between us ED. We live by completely separate rules.”

She smirked at you knowingly.

“You seem to ave a pretty good understandin’ of the rules Sol.”

You shut your facial features into the blankest most impassive look you could manage.

“Retaliating is not understanding.”

“Except, it is. Ev-ven you ain’t the dominant one in a relationship, if you roll ov-ver an submit without fightin’ for yourself... it’s considered rude. An frankly it’s fuckin’ off puttin’. Avin’ someone just... bend to your w-will like that. That’s another w-way to get yourself in a bad relationship. Takin’ in a demon that w-won’t ev-ven fake avin’ a fuckin’ backbone.”

“And presumably you’ve had one.”

She grinned at you with all her sharp toothy glory.

“I’ve sampled some a the w-worst.”

“Clearly.”

“W-what about you?”

You stiffened.

“What about me?”

“How do human relationships w-work exactly? I’ve only seen Tuna an Tula together. An I don’t... really fuckin’ get it.”

“Um. I don’t know. It’s not like there has to be... violence-fueled power dynamics to make it work. Sometimes there is but... it’s not considered healthy. You’re supposed to be... equals. Or at least balanced in some way. MT and LA balance each other out, and they accept each other for who they are. Even the bad parts. That’s why they work.”

“... I assume you weren’t in a good human relationship w-when I came up here then, otherw-wise you probably would fuckin’ hate me.”

“No, I wasn’t... were you?”

“W-what?”

“Were you in a relationship?”

There was a beat of silence that made your stomach flip.

“Are you still in a relationship ED?”

She bit her lip, she wouldn’t meet your eyes.

“...It’s... kinda fuckin’ complicated...”

“... I’d love to hear how.” 

Your voice sounded harsh. You weren’t entirely sure why.

“... They died. An some stuff happened... an then I got... sent to the Pit. An by the time they got back to Hell... they still think I’m down there basically. They don’t know I’m up here an... they probably think I’ve died a few times by now...”

“You still consider this demon your partner.”

It was a statement, not a question. You stared straight ahead ignoring her pained expression. You dug your fingernails into the palm of your hand trying to dislodge the tightness of your throat, the hard lump of what was definitely not jealousy sitting in your stomach.

This wasn’t jealousy. You weren’t jealous that ED had clearly been pining for someone else while she tried to scary-demon-flirt with you all week. You were upset for some other reason.

You weren’t jealous.

“Sol... it ain’t like that. I w-wasn’t plannin’ on gettin’ back with them or anythin’. I p-promise...! I just aven’t ... officially broken it off yet. Ev-ven though I’m pretty sure they know it’s ov-ver, an I’m sure they’re... angry w-w-with me. Cause I failed to protect them.”

She sounded so miserable you gave her a quick glance.

She looked really fucking miserable. You swallowed the feeling down.

“It’s ok, ED.”

“...Sol I promise. I w-want to... I chose you.”

You flushed violently and looked out the window to try and hide your face in vain. Why did this feel so much like a soap opera you had gotten thrown into without warning. You were in a fake arranged marriage with a demon to open a rift in space-time for fucks sake. It didn’t matter whether or not she had a partner when she got into this. It wasn’t going to be romantic, it didn't have to be. Romance had nothing to do with it.

You weren’t going down that road. You refused. You wanted to come out the other end of this with the ability to say “That was one motherfucking bat-shit crazy year.” and move on. Find a human to love and grow old with, one who would accept you and your copious bullshit but wouldn’t add anymore insanity to your already impossibly insane life.

She pulled the car into one of the gravel pullouts on the windy road. You were in the woods now. How far out were you from RS’s Dad’s house? You couldn’t be far. Maybe an hour away. Hour and a half?

“... Sol, please look at me.”

You’d never heard that tone from her, soft and pleading. You turned your head.

You met her big yellow eyes. They were too big, they expressed too much. You couldn’t look away.

“I promise. I chose this, I chose you. For better or for w-worse, I ain’t lookin’ at anyone else anymore.”

You swallowed again, and nodded sharply. 

“... I know it... probably feels like you got roped into this, an you had no say in it. But you ave. You’ve - you’ve already made the choice to accept my soul... an you’ll ave one more chance to - to choose to keep me or not. So don’t fuckin’ w-worry so much.”

You nodded again. You didn’t have words for what you were feeling. It was too much to process. Your whole life was too much to process.

She brushed her cold knuckles and the tops of her rings against your cheek.

“... Ok, Sol?”

You managed to pull a sound from your throat.

“... ok.”

She gave you a soft smile, chucking you under the chin gently with her fingers, before she turned away and started driving again.

You suddenly felt very tired. You drove in silence for a bit, her music was relaxing, it filled the space between you comfortably and easily. It wasn’t awkward but it should have been.

“Y’know... you should take a quick nap. You didn’t get enough fuckin’ sleep last night...”

You felt the corners of your mouth twitch upwards. She was the reason you didn’t sleep in, ED and her slutty dress and the weird demon tit that escaped it.

“...Yeah, I was thinking about it already.”

“Do you w-want me to turn the music down?”

You shut your eyes and leaned the seat back. The faint flashes of sunlight on your face seemed to lure you towards the lights behind your eyelids. The feeling of the car drifting around the bends brought back childhood memories of sleeping in the car, the ease and simplicity of knowing you were travelling, safe and sound.

“No. It’s fine.”

“Alright... ave a nice nap Sol...”

You didn’t respond. You were already halfway gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looked around for some terms to express intentional/ingrained power imbalances in relationships, but I couldn't really find one I liked, or that wasn't already associated with a particular verse, so I just went with dominant and I guess subservient(?) I think the demons probably don't talk about it in those terms super often, they just make power plays and define their relationships with each other individually with a few widely established common types of relationships. I'm thinking I will actually bring the quadrants in a bit more for this, but with no mandatory bent, no soul-mate implications and with less shame associated with vacillation, flipping or having an individual fill more than one slot. Since demons don't reproduce/have no societal drives for sex, only for individual survival and pleasure, I think that makes the most sense, but I like the idea of them having relationships with each other with specific hate/pity flavors or mixtures of the two.


	44. Oh Dear

**Be Kanaya: Oh Dear**

You felt like the least qualified demon to try to puzzle out the machines in the lab, you really didn’t know anything about human technology, or demon technology for that matter. Tavros was more adept than you. Terezi, blind as she was, was better equipped for such a task.

Ross watched you puzzling over the first machine he’s shown you with a slight smirk fixed on his lips that made your neck heat up with embarrassment.

You tried to look like you had some idea about it, like maybe you just found it slightly unfamiliar instead of completely foreign.

“Kanaya...”

“Yes?”

“You don’t have a single solitary clue what this does, do you?”

You straightened up and stood to your full height. You found the sheer height of the ceilings to be a pleasant surprise about this place. 

“I’m afraid not. It seems Sollux may have greatly exaggerated my knowledge of this kind of technology... My job has been primarily scouting and researching human targets up until this point.”

“So you specialize in sicking other demons on unsuspecting humans to relieve them of the terrible burden of their mortal souls?”

You thought you had perhaps revealed that bit of information too soon given the circumstances of his father's recent death. Clearly he thought so as well, given his tone and the sharp cut of his gaze.

“... Yes.”

He smiled in a way that did not reach his eyes and your blood ran cold. This human was frighteningly powerful, mortal or not, and you were not that strong. In any regard.

“Wonderful. Perhaps you can tell me why you decided to reveal that to me just now? Given that you don’t seem like the horrifyingly moronic and insensitive creep that you have presently shown yourself to be.”

“... I... I think I should take my leave. Forgive me for not being more helpful.”

You bowed and turned to leave only to find tendrils of his power wrapped around your wrist, yanking you backwards, to face him.

“Kanaya. Answer the question.”

You swallowed nervously.

“I- I find myself not wishing to lie to you.”

“Is a lie by omission truly a lie?”

“Since you called it a lie, I have to think you agree that it is... Ross, I did not mean to bring up painful memories so soon. I really think it would be best if I left rather than prolong your emotional distress.”

He snarled at you, the human version of snarling which you found slightly adorable due to how nonthreatening it was. Or would have been if you didn’t know of his magical talents.

“I’m in his fucking house! Every second I’m here prolongs my emotional distress. One could rightfully call this an inadvertently distressing situation, one with no egress and only the agonizing crawl of time to numb the pain...!”

You considered your options.

“... Would you like to take a walk with me?”

He blinked at you, surprised. His mouth parted ever so slightly.

“Excuse me...?”

“Forgive my presumptuousness, but it seems as though spending some time away from this place would alleviate some of your distress, and... you do not seem to want me to leave you quite yet.”

The power wrapped around your arm vanished with a flick of his wand. Which was a simple knitting needle. He shoved it into the pocket of his tight black pants with it’s companion, looking at you all the while with his strange purple blue eyes.

“... You are a very strange demon...”

You nodded. You heard this constantly and you never knew quite what to make of it. You decided to take it as a compliment for the time being.

“Yes, I am well aware. Shall we...?”

You extended your arm to him and Ross gave it an amused glance before taking it. He was, predictably, shorter than you... but not by much. For a human he was quite tall, and solidly built. He had a pleasant earthy scent with a herbaceous overtones, and you enjoyed his closeness more than that of other humans because of it.

You found most of them to smell a little unpleasant, even Sollux and her family, though you would never tell them so. That would be exceedingly rude and would accomplish nothing. You walked together towards the transportalizer in the center of the room just as Dove appeared closely followed by Joan. 

“Where are you guys off to? Are you bailing on figuring this shit out?”

Ross cocked his head as he addressed the darker haired of the two.

“It turns out Kanaya is not the technological wizard Sollux advertised him to be. In fact he knows nothing at all about any of this.”

You flushed a little, you didn’t appreciate being called out for your shortcomings so ruthlessly.

“With that being the case... we’re going to take a walk and discuss what skills he does bring to the table. If he should have any to speak of.”

Dove folded her arms over her chest.

“Well what are we supposed to do while you’re cutting his demonic self esteem to ribbons? This place is huge and there is a highly inconvenient shortage of labels on gizmos. I don’t even think the gizmos know what they do at this point. It’s just a nonstop identity crisis for everyone involved.”

“Try labeling them with your best guesses I suppose. Maybe it’ll unlock some hidden well of understanding deep in your psyche.”

Joan scratched her head.

“I guess that’s something... I’m pretty sure Sollux left some sticky notes on the desk.”

“You might as well take a stab at it... and we’ll be back soon to help.”

Ross let go of your arm and stepped on the transportalizer. 

After he vanished Dove stopped you with a hand on your arm. She barely came to your elbow so you had to spin around and lean down assiduously to see her.

“Hey... Kanaya. If he starts getting... all spooky eyed and swinging his fists like a middle aged man at his first boxing lesson, I suggest booking it. Or trying to knock him out. Your call.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ross went kind of crazy yesterday and punched Sollux... His eyes were glowing and he didn’t seem to be... totally in control of himself. Just be careful... and call us if something happens, ok?”

Joan’s voice was quiet and tight with worry and Dove nodded in agreement.

“He’s been pretty tight lipped since his dad died... understandably. But he’s bottling a lot of his grief up, and that shit is fucking carbonated. It’s risky business being alone with him right now... especially given your whole demonic agent of destruction deal. You’re like a roll of mentos to his can of warm convenience store diet pepsi.”

You weren’t quite sure what the last part of that was about, but Dove often spoke in riddles of human cultural knowledge, some of which seemed to be so mixed up you doubted even other humans could understand her fully.

“Thank you for your concern. I suspect he will blow up at me no matter what I do... but I hope to offer him the privacy to release some of his pain without putting myself in physical danger. Of course I will call if intervention is necessary.”

“Alright, dude... good luck.”

You nodded your thanks and stepped on the pad yourself, and reappeared almost immediately in the room upstairs.

Ross was waiting for you, his arms crossed over his chest in the universal gesture of impatience.

“What took you so long?”

“Your friends just wanted to express concern for you.”

“Concern that I’m going to fly off the handle again or perhaps something less predictably pedestrian?”

“For the later I’m afraid. I hope that a violent outburst can be avoided... but if such a thing does happen during our excursion I would try not to harm you permanently even to protect myself.”

“Such a gentleman...”

“Thank you.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“I know. I am choosing to ignore your sarcasm.”

The corners of his mouth twitched upwards slightly.

“As long as you know my intent I suppose that’s acceptable. Come on then.”

You followed him out of the huge living room area, through the narrow hallway, and outside.

He started walking towards the back of the house, picking his way along the riverbank towards the thick woods. There was almost a path in the moist soil, a thin line where plants did not grow, but it seemed to be fading out of existence the further you walked. You followed quietly, listening to the sound of the river, breathing in the rich smell of decay and the life bursting from it. No place on Alternia so beautiful and untamed would be this safe to stroll into heedlessly. No place on your planet, untamed or not, was safe enough to stroll into this heedlessly. 

Almost twenty minutes later and a good distance from the house Ross finally spoke.

“So. I have to ask... why do you care?”

“Can I ask you to be more specific?”

“Why do you care about the feelings of a pathetic human?”

“Well... first of all I don’t find humans pathetic. In fact I regard them with a great deal of envy. My own emotions are egregiously stunted... though not as much as they could be.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I care because... I sometimes imagine I am human... and when allowed to actually spend time with them, I often find myself performing the exercise more often. Because of this my feelings for them grow as does my concern for their welfare”

“So you’re empathetic... do you want an award?”

You hesitated. You wished there was a way to speak about these matters honestly in a way that didn’t paint you as the villain. But you were a demon and that made you villainous to humans by default.

“No. I am not empathetic. If I was... I would not perform my duties and sleep as well as I do every night. I think my general apathy towards most of humankind is at most, a sign of a lack of ability for true empathy, and at least, a deeply ingrained defense mechanism. One I have cultivated to keep myself from drowning in the suffering of others including that of my own kind.”

He stopped walking and turned towards you suddenly.

“Kanaya... your candor only seems to be asking for me to despise you.”

You sighed and wrung your hands. This was proving rather difficult.

“It is not my intent to invite your hatred. But again... I find myself unwilling to lie to you, even by omission, due to the obvious strength of your powers of perception. It seems pointless to lie to someone who would so easily see through a misconstruction of truth, intentional or otherwise.”

“Hmmph.”

He turned around the thin rope-like stands of his yellow orange hair swinging in a way that somehow communicated further disdain and started walking again. You ducked under a collection of particularly low hanging branches and caught up to him in one stride.

“In any case, my feelings for you are magnified by your association with Eridan, and her situation with Doc Scratch. She is one of few demons I am truly close to, or have remained close to, despite periods of strain and dislike we have never truly hated each other. I care for her deeply, and I will not let her be so easily used and erased from existence. Not when I granted her such a painful one.”

He let out a soft dry laugh. A unkind one.

“... What feelings could you possibly have for me?”

“I pity you. I am saddened by your loss. My experiences with grief surely pale in comparison to what you are currently experiencing, but I wish to know, to understand, as much as I can.”

“You want to know what I’m experiencing? You think you can just imagine your way into understanding my grief?”

His voice was high with a maniacal disbelief, a rage that boiled just under the surface and made your hackles raise defensively. Maybe this really was a bad idea. You tried to course correct before he had a real outburst, one which would surely end badly for you.

“No, of course not. Again, I know this is impossible. But I still feel compelled to try.”

“Fuck you.”

This was going very poorly. You hung your head, knowing the gesture meant less to him than it did to you.

“... I'm sorry.”

“Oh, no you’re not! You just don’t want me to be mad at you for being an insensitive prick! You want me to give you a pat on the back for pretending to give a half a moment's thought to someone else's feelings... a _human’s_ feelings. You want to know how I feel Kanaya? You really want to know?! I _feel_ like laughing....! I have to stop myself from laughing every few minutes, ever since we got here. Because my dad dying feels like a shitty insensitive joke, even though I know it’s not. I felt him pass into the veil, and yet him coming back, tricking me into thinking he died, is exactly the kind of bullshit he would pull. And this disparity between reality and my dad’s obnoxious nature makes me want to laugh. Because that is how insane it is for my dad to sell his soul, to exist on this plane one minute and be gone the next...!”

You furrowed your brow in confusion.

“Why don’t you laugh then?”

“Why don’t I run around naked and set the house on fire? Because it’ll make me seem like I’m off my rocker. And stepping off my rocker is deeply inconvenient for preserving my already challenged sense of stability.”

Dear lord, grief was complicated for humans. No demon would have such reservations about a healthy display of black humor after a misfortune. Almost all demon humor was black humor in one way or another.

“... I doubt your friends would make such a judgement.”

He scoffed, walking faster now, but you kept up with him easily.

“On what authority do you know this? For that matter, what do you even know about death? For all intents and purposes you're immortal.”

You frowned sharply. That was simply not the case.

“For all intents and purposes, that is fundamentally incorrect. Demons possess the ability to die more than once but... it is an intensely painful experience and eventually... we go mad, eventually losing all our humanity until we stop existing in entirety.”

He snorted a soft angry laugh. You got the sense he felt that was what you deserved. Still you pressed on, you were sure you could get him to understand you meant no harm. You were sure you could ease his pain in some way.

“After... Eridan’s last death... I murdered her killer. She does not know this, because... I am ashamed of it, of how I did it... I tried to alleviate my suffering by causing it to another, who I still believe deserved it, but it did not help me. And though he has never sought direct revenge for my actions, I have lived in fear of retribution for the last thirteen years.”

Ross slowed to a stop and turned to stare at you. His strange purple blue eyes were unreadable.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I... think it would be a shame if you were to let yourself be swallowed by pain and anger, the way I did when Eridan was taken from me. I listened to no one, and the consequences of my actions were severe. They pushed this particular demon over the edge of madness, making them that much more dangerous and putting countless others in danger.”

Ross’s strange little smile returned, the one that somehow expressed amusement and condescension at the time.

“...Is this therapeutic nature walk for me or you?”

You felt your face heat up a little. You were trying so hard to be helpful and compassionate, but it seemed like you were failing spectacularly and only making Ross’s perception of you more disdainful.

“... It was for you but... it’s clear I have some ways to go in developing my ability to comfort humans... I did not mean to make it about myself.”

He looked down and scuffed his black boot in the mud.

“... It’s ok. You’ve... just been trying to relate to me. And I shouldn’t punish you for that, as painfully clumsy and abrasive as your words have been today.”

He looked up at you with a smirk and you returned the expression. You understood this to be just ribbing, and friendly ribbing at that.

“... I would apologize but I fear you would also find that clumsy and abrasive. I hope you can appreciate that I am trying my best, even if it does not alleviate your distress as I have been attempting to.”

He laughed, and it seemed less pointedly at you then before. Less unkind. 

“If I told you my distress level has dropped a few rungs would you stop worrying about it?”

“Perhaps. But I hope to one day call you a friend, so I doubt I will be able to completely rid myself of concern for your well being.”

He smiled and shook his head softly as he began walking again, picking his way over the branches that littered the ground delicately. 

“You are a very strange demon.”

You huffed and looked away. Would you ever escape that phrase?

“How many demons have you met to mark me as such?”

“I confess only one other... but they were seemingly uninterested in me, and were rather rude when I stopped to talk to them.”

“They probably had a specific target and found you too strong willed to influence easily, thus painting you as an irritant.”

“I’m too strong willed to influenced?”

“Yes... at least that seems to be the case, at least for influences of comparable strength to mine.”

His eye went bright, interest and amusement bringing life back to them.

“Did you just admit to trying to influence me?”

“Oh no... I haven’t tried. But my influence is usually innate to a degree, though due to the nature of our interactions I suspect not to you. You have been thoroughly resistant to my charms and have instead left me spilling unwarranted and inconvenient truths.”

“So I influenced you instead. How fun. I shall strive to be responsible with this newfound power.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. At least... I certainly hope that that is not the case, and my desire for your approval is not based on something as shallow and meaningless as a influence.”

“You want my approval?”

This human made you blush uncommonly easily.

“... I do.”

“Why is that I wonder?”

“... It is a... natural reaction, in both demons and humans alike, to seek approval from stronger peers. In my culture, it is often a matter of survival. Aligning oneself with a demon or demons who possess greater specific or overall strengths is key to keep oneself alive.”

“You present it as a immutable fact, but I’m afraid I don’t understand your reasoning.”

“Present what?”

“The fact that I’m stronger than you.”

“It is immutable... the very nature of your wands proves it. No witch I have ever encountered has been able to perform magic without utilizing an object infused with properties of the veil as you do.”

“You perform magic with no object to channel your power at all. Wouldn’t that make you stronger than me by default?”

“The power of my soul is easily accessible, due to its inherent damage. All demons are capable of some magic due to this instability. But I suspect you have tried to change the subject of our conversation to me, rather than speak more about your current problems and feelings.”

“Very perceptive Kanaya.... However, maybe I don’t want to talk about my current problems or feelings.”

“If you didn’t why would you agree to go on a walk with me?”

He was silent for a long moment. You took this to mean you had upset him again.

“He got rid of all the alcohol.”

“Your father?”

“Who else?” He snapped. 

Ross seemed to regret his aggression immediately and his eyes went soft.

“Sorry... I don’t know why I’m acting as though you should possess some innate knowledge about my life's history... My dad is an alcoholic, he struggled with it most of my life. The last time we spoke... before the last time we spoke, actually. He had started drinking again. I didn’t speak to him for months afterwards, out of frustration. When we spoke-”

He stopped walking again. He took a raw gasping breath, his whole frame seemed to shake with it. Tears were in his eyes. You wanted to touch him to reassure him but you resisted the urge sensing he would resent it.

“... Before he passed. He was drunk, and I’m so... I’m so- pissed! He died and he was fucking drunk! He died inebriated, thoroughly inebriated... And then we get here and there’s no alcohol anywhere. I looked! I went and - and I looked and looked and I couldn’t find anything... Just a broken glass. It appears my father’s finally act was to break his beloved martini glass...”

“Why did you wish to find alcohol?”

His voice was tight with frustration, with anger.

“I didn’t want to find it...! But not finding any... it somehow feels worse. Like my expectations were so low and then he still didn’t meet them...” 

He let out a soft laugh, more a puff of air than a noise. The pain on his face made your heart ache. You wished you understood it better.

“... I’m almost disappointed.”

“I suspect... you would’ve been upset no matter what you found.”

He started walking again, rubbing at his face, the slight shininess around his eyes.

“... Yeah. Well, my relationship with my Dad... consisted of a lot of unspoken things... a lot of insincere gifts, and praise designed to make each other uncomfortable... Being upset with him, at least mildly, was a baseline emotion for my whole life. It’s not unreasonable to suggest that I am looking for something to preserve that feeling. And part of me thinks... he did it for me. Because if I walked into that house, and it was chock full of booze like I remember from when I was a kid, the first thing I would’ve done is make myself a drink. I hate it, but it’s the truth.”

This, at least you understood. You understood addiction was, though alcoholism was not a affliction among demons as it did not affect your bodies the same way as it affected humans. You had other, more effective, stimulants.

“Addiction is a powerful thing... in human’s I understand it can be inherited, either by genetics or by copying the actions of one's elders. I imagine if your father cared for you the way you believe he did, he knew this. And thus he removed the temptation for you even though he caved himself in his final moments.”

“But that’s wh-what makes it so unbearable... knowing that he couldn’t... he went right back to it. He called it his “last hurrah” for fucks sake! He died drinking and I c-can’t- How the hell am I supposed to forgive him for that?!”

“I'm not sure...”

“Thank you for all your helpful insights...” he said dryly.

“I am not... well versed in the relationships between humans and their parents. But it seems to me, if you’ll ignore my complete lack of authority in this matter, that to forgive him you must first forgive yourself.”

“...”

“You seem to blame yourself in part for his death, and for your inability to remain actively involved with him due to his addiction. Which is understandable, if rather illogical. But grief rarely lends itself to logical thought.”

“I don’t blame myself for his choices... I just don’t know how it all went over my head. My literal lifelong fascination with the occult should have tipped me off to something of his involvement with your kind, with Doc Scratch. But I was blind to that possibility. I always saw him as this... pinnacle of skepticism, a man so devoted to science and logic his inventions were too advanced for human society, his work too important to be halted but feared by every government organization that came to know of it. I thought the wizards were a mockery of my interests, but Sollux- she pointed out that it was too extreme to be that. And combined with ev - everything else... it just brought to light the fact that I never knew him, who he truly was. And now he's dead. And I'll never get to speak to him again.”

“... Perhaps you should seek contact with him in the veil?”

“As if he would remain there... you know as well as I his soul is bound for Hell.”

“Yes but... that process takes some time. His spirit will remain in the veil for a short period after death before it disintegrates and his raw soul passes into our plane. He may not be gone yet.”

“Do you think that would make me feel better?”

His voice was painfully bitter. 

“It is just a suggestion... your powers offer you a rare chance for more closure... if you should choose to seek it. Choice is the most powerful magic of all as I’m sure you know.”

“... I’m afraid.”

“Why?”

Ross sobbed suddenly, quickly jerking his arm over his face to cover his tears. A gesture that failed to hide them, only expressed his desire to prevent you from seeing him so vulnerable.

He breathed in heavily, shakily, a few times before he spoke again. His voice was small.

“... What if it hurts more...?”

You spoke softly, you chose your words carefully.

“... I believe many actions worth taking have high risk of causing more pain. But... it all depends on whether you can stand not knowing.”

He lowered his arm and met your eyes.

“Could you?”

You shook your head no.

“... No. I don’t think I could.”

He chuckled damply and wiped his eyes on his sweater sleeve. You sensed that this was a much as he was willing to discuss with you on the matter, but you were pleased you’d at least made some progress. Maybe Ross wasn’t immune to your charms after all.

“Again, your candor is remarkable. But I am starting to appreciate it.”

“... That is good. I’ve never been particularly adept at lying.”

“I can tell. We should probably head back... before Dove and Joan start combing the woods for our bodies.”

You figured it wasn't worth explaining you would not leave a corpse behind if you died, at least not right now.

“Yes. Perhaps I should text them to tell them that no one was harmed during our excursion.”

“No one was harmed _yet_.”

You pulled your phone out of the pocket of your robe to send the other humans a message.

“Do you want me to tell them that specifically?”

“If you feel so compelled.”

Your phone unrolled in your hand and you checked the screen.

“Oh... it seems Sollux and Eridan are finally on their way here.”

“Finally indeed. I don’t know why Sollux expects us to believe she isn’t forking her demon fiance when she persists with all this lollygagging.”

“... Forking?”

“A joking referral to the act of fucking.”

Your cheeks warmed a little at the word coming out of his mouth. Maybe it was just because of the way he was looking at you. How the layers of humor in his voice seemed to only intensify the subject matter’s titillating nature.

“Oh. Well... I don’t believe they are yet.”

He wiggled his eyebrows at you.

“ _Yet_.”

“Yes... I know assuredly that Eridan is at least superficially interested and Sollux seems... to be warming up rather quickly to her. Though she is in staunch denial about this, it is hard not to notice.”

“Staunch denial is one of her primary modes of operation...”

“It would appear to be so... but I do wonder if she realizes how much she has already committed to Eridan. Or indeed how much Eridan had already committed to her. It is frustrating on my end not seeing when the gears have turned or why...”

“My, my... Are you getting off on this Kanaya?”

Again with this line of thought. It was painfully absurd. You struggled to think of an appropriate explanation.

“Hardly. It’s like... If you were to set up your human sibling romantically with a friend. But it is also your job to make sure things go well between them because the life of your human sibling is dependent on the friend being madly in love with them. And vice versa. And all of this romantic rigamarole is necessary to save another friend from creatures of Unimaginable Horror so the pressure to maintain and strengthen their relationship is two-fold.”

“... I don’t have siblings, but if I did, I’m sure I would totally understand the position you find yourself in.”

You returned his smirk with a glare.

“Just because I’m not the most avid or eloquent user of sarcasm doesn’t mean I don’t know when it’s being used to mock me.”

He gave you an amused smile and you growled softly to express your displeasure. Ross seemed unphased by this and you let the sound fade from your throat. You really needed to work on being more threatening.

“Well...? Weren’t you going to text somebody?”

You huffed and sent a text to Joan saying you were fine and heading back to the house before you shoved your phone back in your pocket.

Ross watched you silently, and you felt self consciousness twisting your stomach. You wished you did not want his approval as much as you did. It made things difficult.

He walked towards you and extended his arm for you to take like you had before.

You took it, felt the heat of his body press against your side.

“Shall we?”

You managed a smile and nodded. 

One thought kept popping back into your mind as you walked back through the woods arm in arm, making meaningless small talk. With Ross continually giving you those sharp knowing little smiles while you struggled to seem unaffected.

The thought was... Oh dear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Ross(Rose) and Kanaya but fuuuuck... writing this dialogue took a year off my life. I am trying to write more about other characters and relationships in this fic though, so the challenge was something I asked for. No idea how well I'm doing but... it is what it is. Many these flighty broad shouldered men can talk up a storm. I think, given Rose's general lack of a inclination to be vulnerable, the male version would suffer this even more, and that's why I didn't give them a hugging moment, though I did think about it. We'll get there eventually. Kanaya is already crushing tho.


	45. Accept Your Equal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: mild violence TW: self harm mention

**Be Eridan: Accept Your Equal**

Sol woke up as you were inching your way up the final hill, cursing under your breath as loudly as you dared.

“Mmrfhh...”

“Mornin’ darlin’...”

She groaned softly, shifting her seat back to the upright position and rubbing her eyes.

“Ff- fuck... Do you ne-eed me to drive...?”

“I got it. You’re half dead as it is, don’t w-worry about it...”

“... Ok...”

She blinked a few times, looked out the window and then back at you with her thin eyebrows furrowed.

“... How - why... do you know... to drive good?”

You laughed. Sleepy Sol was probably your favorite Sol.

“Are you askin’ how I know how to driv-ve, cause I already told you. Fef taught me.”

“... Right... but you know the rulesth... and you’re driving up this thitty hill and not even thwearing half ath much ath I wath... theemsth weird. Er. Weirder. Now that I’ve thlept on it.”

“It was a... hobby. I guess that’s what you humans call it. It w-was what Fef an I w-would do for fun, cause he w-wasn’t really into duelin’ an he had a private transportalizer pad that was authorized for Earth, for his district anyways... An I think... here is where he learned how to do it. Not here specifically, but in this... uh... counnt... contry- country.”

She snickered. She seemed more alert now.

“And what country is that ED?”

“Fuck if know... An I’m a little busy for fuckin’ Earth trivia Sol...!”

“Kay, sorry...”

You returned your focus to the steep road and forcing the moving machine into complying with your desire to get up it as soon as possible. You really needed to pee. It was all you could think about.

Sol was mostly silent as you eased your way, you heard her poking around on her phone a little but you weren’t paying much attention to her.

When you finally crested the hill to find a huge white house you were too desperate to be impressed. You parked next to her car and jumped out, looking for the door.

Sol struggled out the car moments later with her backpack and your scarf bundled in her arms.

“Hey ED, get your shit I have to call someone to let us in.”

You yanked it out of her arms and into your own. You needed to pee so bad. You were twitching with impatience.

“What’s wrong with you?”

You glared at her.

“I ave to take a piss, can w-we hurry this up!!”

She snickered and pulled her phone out her pocket to call one of her stupid friends to let you into this stupid house on top a river that was making too much noise to ignore and not helping your case at all.

She took your hand and lead you to one of the white panels along the side of the house.

“I think it’s this one...”

You could hear the little white haired one talking over the speaker, in her absurdist long winded way and you didn’t really understand what she was saying, but it didn’t sound helpful at all.

The panel to the right slid up suddenly, revealing the annoying one. You were pretty sure her name was Dove. It might have been Dave. You didn’t want to ask.

“Welcome to the Wizz Palace.”

Sol snorted a laugh and dragged you past her, through a narrow hall into a huge open room and under the stairs to a door.

You shoved your scarf into her arms and bolted inside the bathroom to extract yourself from stupid jumpsuit and relieve yourself.

When you came out Sol and Dove were holding the ends of your scarf and the shorter of the two was walking backwards, apparently trying to expose it’s true length.

Sol looked at you with a mischievous grin.

“Holy Shit. ED, did it get longer...?”

“Yeah, that’s w-what it fuckin’ does. You dumbass humans never pay attention to anythin’ I swear.”

Dove rubbed the fabric against her face and you growled softly. You did not like her touching your scarf. She didn’t seem to hear it, or at least she didn’t seem phased 

“I kinda want to cocoon myself in this thing. Sleep for a couple years and emerge a majestic butterfly person.”

Sol snickered.

“Would your wings be made of yarn?”

“Fuck yeah, they would. Be so thick and soft and full of holes I wouldn’t be able to get off the ground, but damn would they make snuggle parties convenient. I’d have loads of bitches just snuggled up in my gnarly usless knitted wings all day long.”

“Stop talkin’ about nonsensical bullshit fairy wings an giv-ve me my fuckin’ scarf back.”

Sol raised an eyebrow at you.

“Say please.”

“I don’t ave to say please it’s my scarf!”

Sol tugged it out of Dove’s grasp with her psionics, which seemed to have recovered mostly, and draped it around your neck and wrapping it over your shoulder with a faint smirk playing on on her lips.

“Thanks for returnin’ my fuckin’ property asshole.”

“Don’t thank me yet ED.”

To your surprise she was still manipulating the ends of your scarf, which was pretty out of control lengthwise at the moment, and they were wrapping around your neck and over your head and down your torso.

“Sol, knock it off!”

“Say please.”

You ripped part of it off with your claws to swing at her and try to extract your head which was now so deep in yarn you were having trouble cussing her out. You couldn’t destroy the scarf, as long as there was a piece intact it would grow back, but you didn’t want to rip to shreds and have to wait for that.

You swiped towards her again, she caught your wrist with her psionics, which is what you wanted her to do. Predictable idiot.

You yanked her towards you, literally grabbing the energy in your hand to do so. It didn’t feel good, it kind of made your whole arm feel like when you hit your elbow too hard, made your rings hot, but you were able to stand it long enough to accomplish your goal of knocking her off balance. She yelped in surprise, you kicked her legs out from under her. 

You had the advantage, because you were used to fighting in true darkness, you’d done it for months. Granted you generally had a much easier time breathing than you were having right now.

The other problem was you couldn’t always hear, smell or otherwise predict where her psionics were going to come from. Which is why you didn’t notice the tendril that wrapped around the base of your tail and yanked you down with her in way that made your ass ache.

Touching your horns was one thing, but your fucking tail?!!

She was going to pay for that. You tackled her snarling with rage, ripping a chunk of scarf from your face in a desperate attempt for more air.

She kicked you in the stomach, pushing her power through her foot to launch you backwards.

It worked pretty well, she managed to start crawling away as you hit the wall, but you were fast.

Faster than her. You rolled back to your feet, using the momentum of her own blow to come right back for her.

You wrestled for a good few minutes on the ground, her with her psonics, tightening the scarf around your face and otherwise shocking you, trying to push you away and misdirecting your limbs, you with a reasonable amount of restraint. Humans were breakable. Didn’t mean you were going to submit to her little power play though. 

You managed with a lot of cursing, to pin her. Flat on her stomach, wrenching one arm behind her back and pressing her cheek against the ground with a hand in her hair.

She kept shocking your legs, your hands, but the pain was shallow, you could mostly ignore it, except when it made your muscles spasm. You made some embarrassing noises when that happened but the scarf swallowed them mostly.

It wasn’t the best pin, but it worked, you were simply too heavy. She didn’t have the strength to push you off her.

It should have been a moment of victory, but you were still almost suffocating in yarn and her psionics were wrapped around the base of your horns, pushing into the surrounding tissue and threatening to pull them out.

Sol lay there panting underneath you for a few moments, while you tried to think of a way to completely incapacitate her without losing your horns for good, also panting for air.

“S- Say please ED...”

You shoved your hand, still wrapped around her thin wrist under the back of her t-shirt and unsheathed your claws against her skin. You should just break her arm, teach her how fragile she really was.

“How about you?” you growled.

“You wouldn’t.”

You chuckled, pausing to spit threads out your mouth.

“I w-wouldn’t rip your spine out. But I might carve somethin’ pretty in your back...”

She took a sharp hissing breath against the floor.

You squeaked in displeasure as her power wrapped around your tail again, base to tip, and yanked it to the side.

Sol laughed at you, and you flushed violently in your horrible scarf headdress.

“I’ll spank you with your own fucking tail if you try bitch, see how you like it.”

You hissed, snapped your tail away from her power easily. She couldn’t maintain a tight enough grip to hold your tail and your horns. Unfortunately, she knew which one was more important.

You pressed one claw harder against her skin and Sol gasped. You traced a circle and the muscles twitched underneath it. She cursed, scrabbling her legs uselessly on the floor behind her and she yanked your head forward in warning. It made your skull ache dully and you resisted the urge to just smash her head on the floor so she would pass out and you would win.

The blow would be too hard to control, you could kill her too easily.

She finally stopped shocking your legs and arms, a relief that you tried not to express with a whimper and failed. She was dragging you head forward now as she pulled, it hurt so much. You had a high pain tolerance but there were some things even you couldn't ignore.

You were so close to breaking the skin. You were leaving welts. She was afraid. You were panting.

“Maybe I’ll just carve “Sollux is a braindead asshole” instead! I can’t see but the shittiness w-will add artistic depth!”

“Oh real fucking original! You want to add “ and she hopes Eridan enjoy’s being dumb hornless demon and gets mocked till the end of time!” for me!”

“You don’t know they won’t grow-w back! This is a meaningless fuckin’ threat!”

“Why are you so fucking scared then, huh?”

If she ripped them out it would hurt so, so bad. Probably forever, and they wouldn’t grow back. Of course you were fucking terrified, but you weren’t ever admitting that. You weren’t sure how she knew. You were going to have to break her arm.

She was going to scream when you did.

“I’m not-”

“Really you two!”

Your tail lowered in immediate shame at the tone in Kan’s voice. He was striding towards you, furious and purposeful. You could hear his robe billowing out behind him.

“... hey Kan...”

Sol squirmed underneath you, trying to see. You were too thoroughly mummified to see much beside yarn.

“KN?! When’d you fucking get here?”

“Dove fetched me when you resorted to threatening each other with severe bodily harm to try to win your ridiculous squabble.”

Whoops. You had heard her run off but you didn’t pay it much mind. The scarf dropped suddenly from your face and you could almost smell Sol’s change in demeanor when you took your first unobstructed breath in almost twenty minutes. Kan could make anyone feel childish when he used that tone of voice.

“I understand that you both have an intense desire to prove that you are stronger than the other, but this has gone too far. I had hoped you had reached this conclusion yesterday, but apparently you are both such stubborn and willfully ignorant creatures I have to spell it out for you! Neither of you can dominate the other. You are evenly matched and intentionally so!”

“... B-but Kan-!”

You were interrupted by Sol snarling viscously underneath you, trying to turn her head to look at him in vain while you continued to pin her face to the floor. Her eyes glowed fiercely with power.

“Fuck you!! I’m not trying to prove anything to you or to her!! I don’t fucking need to!!”

Kanaya actually laid down on the floor. Pressing his face flat against the ground so he was holding her gaze in the same position as her before he spoke again.

His voice was gentle, soft, amused.

“Then maybe you would like to tell me why you deliberately chose to antagonize Eridan with her scarf?”

She spluttered furiously. 

“... I - I don’t- I didn’t-didn’t- I wasn’t fucking thinking about it, ok?! I’m not- it’s not like  _ that  _ !!”

“Why did you refuse to release her so she would have no choice but to concede some irreverent point to you or fight you for dominance?”

Sol’s silence underneath you spoke volumes. 

He sat up and met your eyes.

“Eridan...”

Panic swelled up your throat, made the sweat on your face feel colder.

“... Kan there has to be someone w-who’s-”

“No, there doesn’t.”

“B-but-!”

“Even in our relationships this is not a requirement, only a safeguard against the kind of dangerous and unstable relationships you once had. And I might remind you... that those particular former partners never fought fairly, and used your feelings for them as bait, leverage and eventually to orchestrate two of your deaths.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat. Of course the fucking jerk had to bring up your two biggest mistakes. Excluding the really, really big mistake. He always knew how to make you think twice. Meddlesome dick.

You looked at Sol underneath you. Her eyebrows were arched in a question but her mouth was a rigid line of stubbornness. It was so hard to read her expression when she was using her powers full force. 

“... H-how do you know...? How do you know w-w-were actually fuckin’ equal?”

“It is one of the requirements for orchestrating a relationship such as this. It’s why all the demon’s who have participated in this experiment before have had a fraction of a fraction of your raw power to match their human counterparts. It’s part of the reason Doc Scratch helped me retrieve you. Since there are few demons with your insane strength that would consider pursuing a relationship with a human, and... even fewer who were remotely compatible with Sollux.”

You went silent. You couldn’t accept this. You trusted this whole equal and balanced relationship model as much as you trusted Vriska. Which was not at all. Ever. Under any circumstances.

Sol seemed to agree with you because while she was silent and calm underneath you, her power was still fixed intently around your horns, dug uncomfortably into the roots, ready to rip them out at moments notice.

Kan sighed heavily.

“Now... I imagine if the two of you really wanted to know... if you wanted to force the universe to calculate an answer by the mechanisms of chance, you could fight until one of you dies.”

No.

You and Sol both released each other instantly.

You slid off her back as the power around your horns faded to a memory, and Sol scooted to a more upright position, wiping a smear of saliva off her cheek.  She looked approximately as embarrassed as you felt about the last twenty minutes. Kan smiled at you both pleasantly.

“Ah, I see neither of you are willing to take it that far, which is a good sign.”

Sol scrubbed at her flushed face in a distinctly agitated way.

“No! KN, she’s... we’re fucking soul bonded! I can’t... It’s off the fucking table! It doesn’t fucking matter who’s stronger... If we’re the same or whatever...! Just No!”

No. No. No.

You wrapped your arms around your knees and buried your head in your arms, in your scarf. Tried to tamp down the panic. You didn’t dig your claws into yourself to ease your anxiety because she’d beaten that habit out of you fair and square. But you really fucking wanted to.

You didn’t want to believe you there was no dominant, but you did.

You believed Kan, and you felt it, you knew it. There was no other reason things would have gotten so out of control, why you both had refused to concede even as you approached doing real harm to each other. You couldn’t bow to her and Sol couldn’t bow to you. You were both too stubborn, too strong, too well matched. You could win a battle but not the war. Unless you really wanted to try and kill her.

Fuck.

How the hell were you supposed to make sense of this? How the fuck were you supposed to build a healthy relationship with her? The last time this had happened you’d found yourself slowly but surely conceding ground just to get some sense of stability. Almost subconsciously. Or possibly due to mind control, you weren’t entirely sure. And then to add insult to injury, after you’d completely prostrated yourself, humiliated yourself, for a demon who didn’t earn it, you’d gotten fucking surprise murdered.

Fuck. Fuck.

“ED?”

Fuck no. You couldn’t do this again. 

You lifted your head to meet Sol’s eyes, soft and brown with her strange white pupils, no trace anywhere of her powers. But Sol wasn’t Vriska. She wasn’t like him at all.

She touched your hand to get your attention again. Her eyes were gentle. Pleading. You couldn’t bear to look at them.

“It doesn’t matter, right?”

She couldn’t mind control you. Even if she could, she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t intentionally use your feelings for her to lure you to your death either. You trusted her not to, because you could feel her. Her closeness, her protectiveness, her acceptance of you. Even at your worst she had accepted you.

You couldn’t win. But she couldn’t either.

You could live with that. For her. You could accept being her equal.

The corners of your lips twitched upwards as you met her eyes again.

“You’re right Sol. It doesn’t matter.”

She returned the expression and you felt your heart do a weird fluttering thing. It kind of freaked you out and you looked away immediately to crush the sensation. Fuck, your stupid feelings. They kept doing weird things you didn’t remember from before. You didn’t like it one bit.

“Hey ED... I’m... I’m sorry about... um. Fucking with your scarf. And your tail. And threatening to pull out your horns. That was... massively fucking screwed up of me.”

You glanced at her and she looked adorably contrite. It pleased you to no end. But you had your own shit to apologize for. Fuck, this equal terms relationship bullshit. You didn’t get to enjoy anything fun like watching a well earned grovel.

You cleared your throat, forced the words out of your mouth.

“.... An I’m... sorry I held you down like that an...” 

Your face grew hot as the absolute childishness of your behavior occurred to you.

“.... that I... threatened to break your arm an... carve mean shit in your back...”

She let out a strange silent laugh of surprise and confusion.

“You never threatened to break my arm.”

“Oh... w-well I was thinkin’ about it.”

Sol threw her head back and laughed.

“Thanks for not doing that then.”

“Your w-welcome. I mean. Um. Y-yeah...”

Kanaya clapped his hands together softly to get your attention. 

“Are the two of you feeling more at ease now? Can you accept being equals?”

You nodded your agreement, and Sol scratched her head.

“Yeah. Uh... that doesn’t mean we can never fight, right? Because...”

She glanced at you and you got what she was saying.

“...w-we kinda fuckin’ fight about a lotta things, Kan.”

He smirked and shook his head.

“If you need to argue or fight physically from time to time that is acceptable. As long as you don’t truly threaten each other’s well being and are fighting about points of contention not related to who is more powerful. Because as I’ve stated. It’s neither of you.”

“Sounds good to me. ED?”

“I’m sure w-we can manage... Kinda takes the fun outta it if it’s too v-violent I think...”

Sol snickered.

“Let’s go with that line of reasoning. Sure.”

“Alright... why don’t you two clean yourselves up and I’ll inform the others of your safety. I’ll be in the lab when you’re ready.”

You both watched him walk away and transportalize out of the room with wide eyes. Shocked that that was all he had to say.

You were surprised he left you alone so soon after he had to intervene. It made you a little nervous. Sometimes Kan’s games had high stakes and this felt like one of them. Did he really trust that you and Sol had it together enough to be alone right now? You trusted him. But did you trust yourself?

You were busy puzzling over this and you didn’t notice Sol scooting towards you until she was inches away.

“Come on. Let’s get this insane scarf sorted out first.”

She reached out and straightened your scarf out, pulling wads of the material over your head. You tried not to get any more violet faced and failed miserably. Stupid nice Sol. Even though she was pretty mean to you before she was nice.

You let her untangle it for you, even though you could have done it yourself. It felt like a kindness, and you liked it when she gave you those.

She grinned as she tugged the last extraneous loop over your horns. They still felt sore but you were sure she was sore too. You hadn’t held back as much as you had in your last physical confrontation. You had been really rough with her.

“I have to ask... why do you always wear this thing anyways? It’s more of a liability than a fashion statement at this point. ”

“It w-was a gift from Fef... an it likes to be really long. If I cut it too short it comes back super fuckin' fast.”

“What do you mean it likes to be long?”

You found one of the parts where you ripped at it in an attempt to free yourself. It was three or four feet from the end, which was fine. It was high time for a substantial trim anyways.

“W-watch this Sol.”

You unsheathed your claws again and finished ripping the piece off from the rest.

She watched wide eyed as the smaller end disintegrated top to bottom. Each strand of yarn becoming a strand of blue light that slid back into the rest and disappeared.

“Wow.”

“It’s a magic motherfuckin’ scarf. It does w-what it wants.”

“... Not gonna lie. That was... actually kind of cool ED.”

You grinned and pulled it to a more even length over your shoulder, petting it fondly. It was fairly soft, but you were long used to it’s texture and you liked it anyways.

“I know. I fuckin’ lov-ve it.”

“... I’m sorry ED.”

“For what? You already apologized for fuckin’ w-with it...”

“...Ok, well I wanted to apologize again.”

“W-why?”

Her brow furrowed.

“Because I... I was trying to prove something. I wanted to prove I was stronger than you, have the upper hand in front of- those goobers apparently. I actually have a lot of fucking pride ED. Probably too much. Contrary to... what you implied earlier. In our other fight. The other other one.”

You laughed at that. You really did fight a lot. Multiple times a day.

“Sol, I know... It’s an issue w-we happen to fuckin’ share. I just said that cause you keep swingin’ between avin’ none at all an then more than makes any goddamn sense. An I w-was pissed at you. For calling me a needy bitch. An a ice princess. I’m not sure w-what that means but it sounded pretty fuckin’ derogatory an it ticked me off.”

“Ice Princess... is just like slang for an emotionally distant, snobby bitch. And I technically called you a Wannabe Ice Princess. So, I guess ignore that, and then take all the rest of the shit I said with a lot of salt. Because I was also really pissed off.”

You huffed in frustration, combing your fingers through your hair to get it to lie back down in it’s usual bob.

“... After all a that fightin’... I can’t believe I can’t make you fuckin’ bow to me...!”

“Aww poor demon... Does that hurt your pride? Is knowing you can’t win the final puff of wind to collapse your fragile ego?”

“Fuck off Sol. Don’t pretend it doesn’t fuckin’ hurts yours too.”

She chuckled and looked away, across the room.

“... It really does.”

You sighed heavily.

“I think I... mighta alw-ways known... Cause really it makes no sense that you would be able to take in my soul otherwise. If you weren’t at least as powerful as me you woulda just rejected me as a matter a self preserv-vation... It’s just hard to accept. W-when you’ve.... had relationships like I’ve had... w-where you get exploited because a your feelin’s or by tryin’ to make things fair w-when they aren’t. I trust you cause a the soul bond, but if not for that... I’d be outta here.”

Sol looked back at you with a crooked little smile.

“Yeah, well... I don’t blame you. As completely wack as your romantic history seems to be. All of this is hard to accept. I think we deserve a goddamn vacation from accepting shit for a few days... or a month. I mean... I’d take a year honestly.”

You turned to her with a soft laugh, grabbing her face despite the little noise of protest she made to inspect it for bruises.

“That ain’t fuckin’ happenin’ I’ll tell you right now.”

You rubbed a smudge of dirt from her cheek with your thumb, and she made a face but didn’t shove you away.

“Let me dream, ok? I hardly get to have any regular ones as it is.”

You let her face go and started working on her hair, which was looking a little scrunched on one side due to how you were holding her head down.

“Alright... if you w-wanna hold onto false fuckin’ hope like that, that’s your idiot business.”

She scoffed straightening out the sleeves of your little romper thing while you fussed with her curls. You loved her curls. They were much less stiff than Tav’s, and you also just liked knowing she would let you touch them whenever, like you let her touch your horns. Which you still didn’t regret even though she had come very close to literally ripping them out of your skull. 

This soul bond magic was un-fucking-believable.

She stroked your hair down a little more, adjusting the clip you used to hold your bangs back from your face with a little frown on her face.

“Why would you even be here if you weren’t holding onto false hope ED? Especially since you know Scratch doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you or Feferi.”

You pulled away, satisfied that her hair was back to maximum springiness and in it’s cutest formation.

“No hope required. Just good old guilt an desperation... an not avin’ a reason to liv-ve accept revenge. Gettin’ another reason to live w-when’s that’s all you ave for so long is like... fuckin’- the Earth holiday with the presents an all the murders.”

Sol grinned at you.

“Do you mean Christmas?”

“Yeah, that.” 

You nodded to yourself satisfied you had remembered more Earth trivia. Fef and Kan were the ones that were always here, it was impressive that you knew as much as you did.

“I have so many questions. So many. But I suspect we should stop prolonging the inevitable shit fest and go talk to the nerds. Get this god-awful circus on the road to suckville.”

She stood up and offered you her hand to pull you off the floor. She had fixed the ring, it was so noticeable on her, since she didn’t wear any other jewelry except for the plain little studs in her eyebrow and in her ears. Even though they were tracking devices, you still kind of liked the symbolism. 

Demons gave rings to each other too. To symbolize bonds. Maybe you should get her a ring that wasn’t a tracking device. Maybe she’d even wear it.

“W-what’s a circus?”

“It’s like a... hmmmnope. I have no idea how to explain it.”

“A circus is usually a travelling troupe of performers who show off physical talents and perform dangerous stunts with each other and wild animals for entertainment.”

You both jumped in surprise as Kanaya walked out of the room at the far end of the hall.

“The Fuck?! I- I thought you went to the lab-”

He smiled deviously.

“I did. And then I came back here. There is another pad in this room, I thought I’d make use of it and make sure the two of you were alright.”

You laughed, with a little bit of relief. Of course he was watching you. He wouldn’t really leave you alone with her after such an intense and violent fight.

“... Just can’t leav-ve us alone, can ya?”

He winked at you.

“Of course not. That would be a shirking of my responsibilities to both of you. And I take them very seriously.”

Sol snorted a laugh, it sounded annoyed. She still wasn’t used to Kan’s meddling, and she didn’t seem to understand how necessary it was.

“Your trust is unfathomable in it’s depth KN. Did you tell Scratch we were heading back to this location by the way?”

“Yes, I told her when I received your text.”

“Perfect. Right, let’s just get down to the lab so I can make sure this dupe is going smoothly.”

Sol snatched her backpack from the floor and led you over to the pads on the floor in the far corner of the room. You’d never been in a room this big, it sort of made you uncomfortable. You liked all the wizards though.

Some of your favorite human books had wizards in them.

One of the transportalizer’s had a crystal ball on it and Sol pointed at it.

“That’s the one that’ll send you anywhere but you need a watch or something to get back, so stay away from that one for now. And this one goes to the lab.”

You wrung your hands nervously.

“How far away is the lab exactly? W-we don’t ave to go one at a time, do w-w-we?”

“Shit. KN?”

“It is far more than thirty feet away but Ross was able to modify the settings somewhat. You should both be able to go at once. Provided you both keep your whole bodies and anything else you wish to transport in the circle. I suggest you let me take your backpack for the time being Sollux.”

Sol handed him her backpack with a grimace.

“ED hold your tail.”

You shrugged your scarf off and handed it to Kan as well. You didn’t want it getting stuck in the void.

You wrapped your tail around your leg rather than holding it. It was easier.

She stepped closer to the pad, inspecting it’s dimensions.

“It’s gonna be a tight squeeze...”

You walked up behind her and wrapped your arms around her thin waist.

“S’okay Sol...”

“Wait, are you doing what I think you're doing because-”

You laughed against her back. The back you had seriously thought about shredding to bits with your claws half an hour ago. You’d pressed a kiss to this back not even that long ago, though you were sure she was too out of it to notice or remember that. Part of you hoped she didn’t remember. You weren’t even sure why you’d done it exactly. Your feelings had been muddled around and vague that night.

If you kissed it now it would probably hurt her. Kan needed to heal her up a little when he got a minute.

“W-would it be less embarrassin’ for you if you were facin’ me?”

“... Yes.”

You let her go and she turned towards you, with a little sigh of irritation.

“For the record. I can fucking pick you up too. I want it on the goddamn record for posterity.”

You sneered at her.

“Sure it’s on the record, Sol. W-with a little fuckin’ asterisk an a footnote that says “ Only by usin’ her psionics”.”

“Screw you. You're a demonic muscle machine, you weigh a metric fuck ton.”

“An? You still aven’t fully recov-vered from when you thought you gettin’ chainsawed. Save your fuckin’ energy for once an let me carry you.”

She grumbled.

“I’m gonna start working out. I’m gonna get so much juicy beefy rippling muscle I can sling you around one handed and we’ll see who’s fucking laughing then ED.”

You smiled with all your teeth as she pressed against you, sliding her hands over your shoulders and you wrapped your arms around her waist. She was so fucking warm. You could feel the beat of her heart quickening. Smell her sweat and all the chemicals and hormones in it. You really liked her scent now. It had grown on you immensely.

“I’m lookin’ forw-ward to it Sol.”

You lifted her feet off the ground easily and carried her onto the raised platform. You both disappeared.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there goes the other shoe.  
>  Kanaya finally gets to do some auspiciticzing and more will definitively happen later. But they have things to get done. People to talk to. Irons in the fire. Sollux has to deal with the fact she very much has been fighting for dominance with Eridan this whole time, and that she was motivated to go pretty far to win which is bound to be a little upsetting.


	46. Not Yet

**Be Sollux: Not Yet**

Transportalizing with another person felt significantly worse than doing it as an individual, the compression was twice as tight. When it was over you slumped over her shoulders in relief as she stepped off the platform into the lab.

“Oh shit! Is Sollux okay?!”

“W-what? Yeah?”

ED set you down gently as Kanaya appeared behind you.

You straightened up and turned to face Egbert, trying to control the heat in your cheeks. Being carried in that way was only slightly less embarrassing than being carried in the other way. But every aspect of your life was embarrassing right now and you were just trying to lessen the overall intensity at this point.

“I’m fine. We just had to come down here together... because of the soul bond.”

JN sighed in relief, putting her hand on her heart with a little grin.

“Oh, cool. That’s good. I thought Eridan was like dragging your corpse in here for a second...”

Your face must have accurately expressed the sheer amount of what the fuck that was happening in your brain because she tried to explain herself immediately.

“I mean... because you guys were trying to murder each other like a minute ago?”

“We weren’t trying to-! Shut up JN.”

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch... but, I saw the video. It really looked like you were trying to kill each other.”

You spluttered in horror and embarrassment.

“What fucking video?!”

“Annnd you’re bunching them.”

DV and RS emerged from one of the side rooms and Dove gave you a little wave.

“I took a video because I thought it was great material... and then it stopped being funny about ten minutes in because of how suspiciously murdery the fight was getting. Three out of five attempted murder boxes checked right off. Check, check, check.”

ED growled softly in irritation as KN draped her scarf back around her neck.

“Fuck, you humans are dense. W-we weren’t tryin’ to murder each other. W-we were fightin’ for dominance an as it fuckin’ turns out, we can’t really beat each other unless w-we want to actually kill one another. But we don’t, so me an Sol just ave to just live w-with bein’ fuckin’ equals.”

RS smirked, his eyes flicking briefly to you as he addressed her.

“I presume this is a unusual arrangement from a demon’s perspective?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

ED and KN looked at each other sharply.

“Kan it don’t w-work like that an you know it.”

“It hasn’t worked out for you in the past, certainly. I wouldn’t argue that.”

She hissed and sneered at him.

“You can’t keep a partner to sav-ve your fuckin’ life, an I know  _ exactly _ how long it’s been since you had any lov-vin’ so I don’t think you ave a shred a authority to tell me how relationships w-work.”

Kanaya glared at her venomously.

“... Eridan, forgive me for being so crass... but choke on my bulge or kindly shut your trap.”

ED made a face of violent disgust.

“Gross... I’ll take shuttin’ up thanks.”

You rolled your eyes in irritation. As amusing as it was to hear KN get pissy you had more pressing concerns. Like stopping a video of you fighting a demon from being turned into a shitty vaguely homoerotic webcomic and then having DV make big bucks selling t-shirts with the panels on them to thirteen year old boys who’d never seen a boob before. Ironically.

“DV delete the fucking video or I will dox the shit out of you. I’ll tell your fans you love puppets more than you love air. They’ll be shoving plush puppet ass at you 24/7. They’ll airdrop marionettes into your apartment nonstop until you have to move and then I’ll dox you again. Delete it. Now.”

She smirked.

“You sure you don’t want me to send it to you first?”

You stalked towards her and held out your hand. You were majorly pissed and she knew it. 

“Give me your fucking phone you insufferable piece of shit.”

She pressed her thumbprint on her iphone, you hated her a little just for that, and handed it to you with a grin.

“It’s all yours, dude.”

You swiped to her photos, found the video. Seeing the thumbnail made you pause. You sent it to yourself and then deleted it.

DV knew, but it wasn’t something that needed to be said. You knew she knew. She knew you would from the get go. Because your curiosity was part of what made you such a miserable fuck, and because if it had been a video of her losing her mind in a violent fight for dominance with a demon, she would absolutely watch it. You were a lot alike. 

In only the most obnoxious ways.

You handed her phone back, and turned back to the other two.

“Look... I know that fight seemed... crazy... but it’s fine, ok? ED and I are fine. Nobody got seriously hurt and it’s not a big deal. We... we fight a lot... but we’re not trying to kill each other. It’s just how we work shit out sometimes.”

ED folded her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow at you. Her expression told you that your speech was not convincing at all. You just shrugged. It wasn’t your job to convince people, just to state the facts.

JN glanced at Eridan nervously. 

“... Yeah, ok...”

You sighed. Your back stung sharply from ED’s claws and your shoulder hurt like a motherfucker. The rest of your body just ached a lot. The whole rest of your body. It was threatening to sue your head for reckless endangerment. Why had you started that stupid fight? What the fuck wrong with you? 

You didn’t even want to know how much you had hurt her with your psionics. You had an idea, and that was horrible enough.

“I gotta go make sure this scam is actually working. I’ll be at the computer station...”

You walked over to KN and he handed you your backpack with a pleasant smile. You got the feeling he wasn’t done with lecturing you. He was just saving the worst of it for later.

You slung it over your shoulder with a wince and started trudging over to the computer station, ED trailing after you after you managed to move a decent distance away. At least it was tucked away from the rest of the lab a little. At least you got to have a smidgen of privacy.

You set up at the desk again, pulling your laptop out of your bag and your keys as well. There was some encrypted data on here you wanted to peruse at your own leisure so you would just bring it home with you rather than remote access his computer all the time.

You typed in the password, and it seemed like JN had finally started actually opening the files you dragged to the desktop about his research. There were bunches of post-it’s with her little notes and bad drawings stuck to the wall and the desk.

You closed everything to make sure the satellite and the fake interference signal you’d programmed it to direct at the house were working and Doc Scratch had taken the bait.

She had in fact. She was still miles away from disabling it though, or it seemed that way.

In a tribute to Mr. LaLonde and his enviable genius you had made the most diabolical fucking protection program for it you could imagine, and after your prolonged battle with the auto-password generator yesterday you had some ideas. 

You wished you had met him now, it sucked being a posthumous fan of his work. You’d never had a real hero before. 

Or a real nemesis for that matter.

You cracked open your laptop and made sure the rings were still “broadcasting” inaccurate signals and that the fake signal from your desktop would tell Scratch you were both at his house when she finally disabled the satellite.

You couldn’t get the fake signal through the interference that the house generated, or more specifically, that the giant wizard statue generated, so you had to run everything that you wanted Doc Scratch to see from outside the bubble. Meaning your desktop was overheating at home spewing constant random locations for both you and Eridan to her for the time being. You put your box fan in front of it before you left. You hoped it would be ok.

ED leaned against the back of your chair, watching you type quietly.

“Hey Sol...?”

“What?”

You were triple checking everything worked like it was supposed to. The chain reactions had to be almost instantaneous for this to work. It had to be as close to perfect as you could get it. Doc Scratch was making progress- Lol, no she wasn’t. Fucking cretin.

“... I think your friends don’t... like me.”

“Do you want them to like you?”

“... I don’t fuckin’ know...”

Quadruple check. You believed in two’s. Ah, there it was. Shitty little line of code that wasn’t pulling its weight. Time to take it out back and enroll it in a self-improvement workshop. Anyone can turn their life around. Even this piece of utter shit you’d accidentally given birth to. 

You spotted the problem, changed a few things, ran it again. You avoided two whole extraneous bullshit functions with a tweak.

You had missed this, being in the only place you felt sure of your worth. Manipulating the world from behind a desk with math and logic and cunning and wit. Being in the one place you had almost total control.

“Soool...”

You were better than any god, real, fake or otherwise. You actually fixed your fucking mistakes.

"Sooooooooooooool....!"

ED dug her claws into the top of the office chair and tilted it back as she whined for your attention. It was almost cute.

You turned the chair towards her after she let go, satisfied that things were going according to plan. It didn’t matter how long it took Doc Scratch to disable the satellite, as long as she managed it, and she would if she was really what she claimed to be, all the pieces would fall into place.

“Why do you think they don’t like you?”

“Because they fuckin’ think I tried to murder you!” she hiss-whispered at you furiously.

There was that.

RS and JN probably thought she was the one who instigated your fight, but DV knew it was you. You were kind of ignoring the fact that it was you. Because reasons.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“I kinda fuckin’ think it is Sol. Murder is a big deal ta ev-veryone. Includin’ demons.”

“What am I supposed to do about it exactly...?”

She huffed and pouted at you. Such a brat.

“Tell them I’m fuckin’ nice or somethin’.”

You let out a short, sharp, mean spirited laugh and she snarled at you and jumped into the chair without warning. Sending it rocking backwards dangerously as it rolled with embarrassing loudness across the floor from the momentum.

ED was in your lap, arms over your head, your faces lined up perfectly. You held her gaze as evenly as you could as the chair slowed to a stop against the wall.

She leaned towards you, pulling her lips back slightly to show her teeth.

“Sol.”

“ED.”

She cocked her head slightly. Her eyes were sharp and hard and piercing. You didn't budge.

“Don’tcha think you could stand to be a little nicer to me after all that?”

“We already went over this, ED. I’m not nice. And I’m pretty fucking sure you aren’t either.”

She growled at you softly.

“You are nice. You just ain’t actin’ nice right now. Cause you’re all embarrassed for some idiotic fuckin’ reason. It’s not like you lost.”

“It’s not like you won.”

Her brow furrowed with concern and she lowered one arm, you could still see her muscles twitching involuntarily under her skin, residual spasms from shocking her so much. She pressed her hand gently against your collar bone.

“W-what’s your fuckin’ problem?”

Looking into her eyes made guilt surge violently in your throat.

You squeezed your eyes shut to keep yourself from crying. 

You’d really, really hurt her. And you’d tried to hurt her so much more. You’d felt like you had to.

“Sol w-what’s wrong...?”

She was pressing her cool forehead against your own. The touch pulled the words out of you.

“... I don’t know why I did all that in the fucking first place...I mean... I know, but I don’t...!”

She made a strange noise in her throat. It kind of sounded like cooing. If a cat could make the noise a pigeon made. You didn’t know how to respond, but you couldn’t anyways. You weren’t going to chance opening your eyes and crying or opening your mouth and saying something you’d regret.

ED cooed again. Then made another noise you hadn’t heard before. A chittering sound. She talked through it and it made her voice stilt and stop oddly,

“Sol... it’s okk-kay, nothin’ ba-ad happen-nned...”

You didn’t open your eyes but tears slid down your cheeks anyways. Fine. Might as well stop fighting it and lean into feeling like shit at this point.

“It  _ was _ bad though, it was all so fucking bad. That was not - What just happened was not fucking normal human behavior ED...”

“... but it’s normal demon behav-vior.”

Her voice was measured, amused. Back to it's regular rich and slightly raspy sound, now she wasn’t making weird noises at you.

You opened your eyes to glare at her through your tears.

“So? I’m not a freaking demon.”

A soft laugh bubbled in her throat. Her other hand was on your shoulder now and the first was pressed gently against your neck. She was rubbing her thumb against your skin. 

It was stupidly intimate and you hated yourself on so many levels for enjoying her touch. From drawing physical comfort from her after you’d literally driven your powers into her body and caused her even more pain. Intentional pain.

“So? You fuckin’ numbskull... Did you forget the bond between us is a - a tw-wo w-way street? You’re gettin’ mixed up w-with me just like I’m gettin’ mixed up with you. An besides... it’s not like humans don’t fight for pow-wer in their relationships already. I’ve read your books, I’ve w-watched your fuckin’ TV. You just started... bleedin’ ov-ver into my version a things little...”

“... Thtop trying to make me feel better.”

“Sol-”

“ED it doesn’t excuthe my fucking actionsth!”

She sneered at you angrily and you glared back as fiercely as you could while still crying.

“Oh, but let me guess... it fuckin’ excuses mine?!”

Your faces were too close for comfort, or they should have been. You were vaguely aware of this but it didn’t seem important.

“Yeth!”

She growled at you.

“You w-wanna drop your bullshit moral superiority for a goddamn second an consider the fact that I was fuckin’ freaked out too?! I didn’t w-w-want to fuckin’ hurt you like that! I w-was-! ”

Her voice cracked, your heart twinged.

“I w-w-was scared too... I didn’t-! I didn’t w-want to hear you scream...”

She was crying now. You made her cry again. You were such an asshole.

You slid a hand into her hair. You let your nose rub against hers. You needed to touch her more than you had ever needed to touch anyone before. Not just for yourself and the comfort it brought you. But for her too.

You needed to comfort her. You felt deeply responsible for her. It scared the shit out of you. You were terrified to find out how deeply. To find out how far you would go for her now she was essentially a part of you. 

“... Why did we do thith to each other if we didn’t really want to?”

She sighed softly and closed her eyes. Her eyelashes were wet with tears.

“Cause it’s easier Sol... it’s so much easier if you know your fuckin’ place.”

You laughed at the absurdity of something being easy. 

“We don’t get to do anything the easy way.”

She laughed too. Pulling away slightly to wipe at her eyes under her glasses.

“I know... It’s fuckin’ ridiculous that w-we would even try.”

You took a rough shaky breath. Tried to slow the flow of your tears with moderate success.

“ED... I don’t... I don’t want to fight you like that ever again. I won’t fight you like that again. No matter how much you piss me off. I won’t do it.”

She met your eyes again. They were strangely gentle, nothing dark lurked in their depths for once.

“I w-won’t either. I promise. I can be... We can be equals, Sol. I trust you.”

“I trust you too.”

You held her gaze.

You meant it. Even though she almost ripped your arm out of its socket and had nearly sliced the skin on your back to ribbons. You trusted her.

Her eyelids lowered, she was so close. Pressed against you. On top of you. You were suddenly violently aware of the weight of her body, the way she was straddling your lap, her hand still pressed against your neck. She was leaning closer, sliding her nose along yours as she moved.

Your hand was between her black lips and your own before you even formed a single thought.

You had a thought. 

Not yet.

Her eyes were huge and you couldn’t look away.

She pulled away slightly, her cool grey fingers wrapped gently around your wrist. She pressed your hand against the back of the chair. She held your gaze. You didn’t stop her, you didn’t want to.

ED leaned forward again, but not towards your face. She kissed the palm of your hand. You stopped breathing.

You stopped thinking. 

You grabbed her wrist as she let go and pulled away. You dragged her hand to your face, pressed your lips against the smooth skin of her palm. You were still looking at each other. 

She smiled at you as you let her go. Curled her fingers over the spot where you’d kissed her. Your heart was beating so fast it was going to break your rib cage.

“I’m gonna go talk to the other humans, ok? Try to fuckin’ straighten ev-verythin’ out. I’ll stay close though...” 

There was the faintest hint of her purr in her voice. The soft rumbling of her pleasure.

“Ok... Good luck with that.”

ED let out a little sigh, but the corners of her mouth still twisted upwards.

“Thanks... I’ll fuckin’ need it.”

She climbed off your lap and walked away, her tail making a stiff S-shaped curve, swaying slightly above the ground with pert satisfaction. As she moved there was a faint green shimmer in the air and then it vanished. You watched her until she was out of your sight and closed your eyes as you finally managed to take a full breath.

You were instantly sweaty and trembling. Instantly aware of the slickness between your thighs. You were instantly fully aware of his presence.

You dug your fingers into the arms of the chair. You were going to kill him.

“KN... how fucking long have you been standing there?”

“For some time. I shielded this area to prevent the others from hearing your raised voices. I assumed you would prefer it if they weren’t made aware of your moment with Eridan.”

You shot out of the chair. You were furious. You were charging the air with anger. He’d been standing right there. Why hadn’t you fucking noticed?

You spun towards him.

“Why... THE FUCK... are you always here?! Why?! Why?! Why?!”

You launched your backpack at him, then your notebook, your ridiculously expensive graphing calculator. He didn’t budge.

“WHY! WON’T YOU! JUST LEAVE US ALONE?!”

You slammed them into him again, punctuating your words with the blows.

He gave you a soft smile, your rage crumbled instantly.

“Because I’m here to protect you.”

Tears poured out your eyes unbidden.

You jerked your arm up to cover your face but you couldn’t make it stop. You were completely out of control. There was no calm anywhere in you. 

It was like being manic, but worse. You were fucking manic and depressive at the same time. There was no eye in the storm, no respite.

You took your meds. You ate. You slept. You did everything right. Why did you feel like this?

You sobbed, and lowered your arm. He was still standing there.

You took a deep breath and tried to find your voice again. It was small and hollow now.

“... KN...? .... what... what is fucking happening to me...?”

He stepped towards you. He still had that gentle smile on his face.

“I’m so glad you asked.”

**Be Eridan: Here And Now**

You were walking on air. She kissed you. Sol kissed you.

It was your hand, but whatever. It fucking counted.

You followed the voices of the humans to another part of the lab. You could do this, Sol kissed you, you could do anything. You kept touching the palm of your hand with your fingers.

It made you dizzy, made a strange fluttery feeling rise in your stomach. It was a little overwhelming. Of all the things that had just happened, the memory of her lips against your skin was what was throwing you off kilter. Making you feel untethered from reality. In a good way.

They were close. What were you even going to say to them?

You felt suddenly queasy. You didn’t know how to talk to humans. You could barely talk to Sol. And you... had a growing collection of familiar and unfamiliar feelings of fondness for her. You liked her. Most of the time. You found her attractive, in a weird sort of way. Her body was both familiar and alien to you. You were curious and open to any sexual attention she might give you. You thought she smelled nice.

It all added up to... not much in terms of a relationship. Without the reality of the link between your souls and the fact that you’d sworn your faithfulness to her you probably could barely even call her a friend. 

Fuck, you weren’t qualified for this at all.

You couldn’t talk to her friends, you couldn’t even begin to think of how to explain what had happened to them in a reassuring way. To reassure them that you meant no harm to her, that your undefinable relationship with her made you special. And Kan had stayed with Sol, so you were completely on your own, there was no one to help you muddle through it.

Chances were you’d just make things worse. Make the humans hate you even more.

You turned to leave, you touched your palm again. It brought you only unease.

You kissed her. She kissed you. 

It all came crashing over you. What you had done.

You’d tried to kiss Sol. For real. On the lips and everything. You hadn’t even thought about it, she’d looked at you and told you she trusted you and you were halfway to her full dark lips.

And she had stopped you. 

You had kissed her hand because she stopped you.

Fuck.

You stopped walking. It felt like you were trying to breath underwater.

Oh fuck. Fuck. You fucked up.

“Uhh... Eridan?”

Your gaze snapped upwards. It was the pale dark haired one with glasses. The one you’d almost scared to death. Joan.

Your face went hot, you bared your teeth at her in instinctive panic. She balked a little but didn’t back away from you.

“... Are you okay?”

You couldn’t talk to her. You couldn’t think of a way out except out. You spun on your heels and took off, dashing past the other two and vaulting over one strange human machine after another until you found yourself in some dark corner and curled up to sink into your misery. As far from Sol as you dared to venture.

You didn’t cry. 

It smelled like Scratch’s lab here. Like metal and heat and electricity. Lifeless and flat and stale. It brought back bad memories. 

But it also brought you a kind of dull comfort to think of the past. Painful or not. Because back then, you understood the rules. The rules of engagement, of power, of love. You knew when they broke, and who had broken them. You knew the consequences.

Here and now you didn’t know anything.

Here and now you missed who you used to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We going now! Vroom Vroom it's the romance mobile.


	47. Get The Shit Tricked Out Of You

**Be Sollux: Get The Shit Tricked Out Of You**

Kanaya pulled you into his arms and you sank into him. You were exhausted and so confused and everything hurt. You didn’t understand anything anymore.

He made a cooing noise at you like ED had, but his was a little deeper sounding and less scratchy. You got the gist that it was supposed to comfort you, and you were a little comforted. It was a nice sounding noise, nicer sounding than the growling, hissing and snarling you had grown rapidly accustomed to.

You relaxed a little more against him as did it again, and let yourself focus on your breathing, finding some comfort in falling into your body, in feeling it function despite your completely emotional shutdown.

“Sollux...? Perhaps I should take care of my original purpose before we discuss what’s on your mind, hmm?”

You grumbled miserably against his broad chest, you couldn’t quite seem to get a handle on the crying. Fuck, you hated this.

“And what wasth that exactly?”

“I originally came over here to heal you, but found you both emotionally entangled again... So I waited to make my presence known. But I imagine you have been in pain long enough.”

You took a few more shaky breaths to get yourself under control before you spoke again.

“Yeah, that’d be great... can we thit down for thisth?”

“Of course.”

He guided you back to the chair and you sank into it. You glanced at the monitor, it seemed like Doc Scratch was about halfway through the protections for the satellite, but you made sure there were layers of graduated complexity and plenty of traps, so you weren’t worried about her breaking it anytime soon.

“Will you take your shirt off for me? It makes it easier.”

You nodded and pulled your shirt off with a low groan. God. Fuck. ED had really done a number on you today. You were so lucky she didn’t break your arm before KN showed up.

You went to wipe your face off on your shirt but KN stopped you with his large white hand, offering you a cloth handkerchief with the other. You took it and wiped your face free from moisture and blew your nose. You seemed to be mostly in control now, at least not actively crying.

“Do you feel comfortable with me standing behind you to heal you?”

You gave him a quizzical look and then remembered how freaked you had been about ED being where you couldn’t see her in the beginning. How many days ago? Eight?

“...Yeah. That’s fine.” 

He nodded and walked behind you swiveling the chair a little so he could stand directly behind you. You leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees and he let out a soft gasp.

“Oh my...”

“It probably looks worse than it feels...”

He pressed one hand against your skin and you hissed in pain. Your back felt raw, and you winced again as his other hand pressed against you, sending the strange heat of his power through your skin, into the muscles of your back and shoulders, up your neck.

“Eridan came very close to ripping you to shreds... what were you threatening to do that would have led her to do such a thing?”

You grimaced as the sensation intensified, pushing down your arms and legs, it made your skin itch and crawl, made your muscles twinge and heat up as they relaxed and healed and you resisted the urge to jump out of the chair and escape.

“I... tried to rip out her horns. From the base. And I... shocked her, almost non-stop...”

“... Sollux those are both very aggressive actions.”

“I’m fucking aware.”

“But she forgave you very easily... Doesn’t that bring you comfort?”

“Why would it? It was still me... who did that shit. It’s still my fucking fault.” 

The bitterness in your voice was palpable.

“Maybe. Or maybe it is mine.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I gather you think I am here purely to keep Eridan in check, but that is not the case at all. My primary desire is to act as your auspistice. Your meaning, for you and Eridan.”

He was working mostly on your shoulder now, you were digging your fingers into the arm of the chair to stop yourself from bolting. Getting healed sucked almost as much as getting hurt in the first place.

“Y-you gonna tell me what that is or just let me guess?”

“How to explain... There are many types of relationships between demons, not all of them are sexual or romantic, but many are volatile and require a third, neutral party. This role is oft called an auspistice, they’re used to moderate interactions, break unhealthy relationships dynamics and occasionally permanently end bad matches. I have served this role for Eridan before, with mixed success due to her penchant for not fully taking my advice... and I fear I am also having mixed success with you both now.”

You gritted your teeth as his power narrowed in on the spot that hurt the most.

“So your job...! Fuck...! Nngh... is basically to keep us from hurting each other like we just did...”

He finally pulled away with a soft chuckle and you slumped forward in relief. Your body felt tingly and warm, particularly your back and shoulder, the discomfort fading from your senses.

“Job? No, it is not my job. My job is to keep you alive until the year is up, and to ensure that the spell works by any means necessary. It is my desire as Eridan’s friend and... hopefully, as yours, to act as your auspistice. To help you navigate the waters of this, by nature, tumultuous relationship, and keep you both safe and healthy.”

You slid back into your shirt, marvelling at the lack of strain on your muscles. The lack of pain.

“... Why do you care... about me exactly? No offense. But we literally just met.”

“Because you care about Eridan... and she is my soft spot. One of them at least. Also I find you charming and rather entertaining, if a little odd smelling.”

You spun the chair around to face him with a grin.

“You think I smell weird?”

KN flushed emerald, suddenly embarrassed.

“Oh! No, I- I didn’t mean to say that... Please, forgive my carelessness.”

“Bad weird?”

He waved his hands in front of his face with a vague smile, like he was trying to erase the comment from the air. Or maybe to wave away your apparently weird smell.

“I would say slightly unappealing, but really it is not an issue. And Eridan appears to find your smell very pleasant so you have nothing to worry about.”

You flushed at that, stared at your shoes. ED. Eridan fucking Ampora. Destroying your mental health one day at a time.

“... What the hell just happened KN? Why didn’t I -” 

You swallowed hard. You had so many questions, but they were all mushed up together, you couldn’t think of how to make a coherent sentence. It felt like ED had taken an egg-beater to your brain just by pressing her lips on her palm.

God, you kissed her back. You didn’t even think about it. What was wrong with you?

“Perhaps you should start by telling me what you spoke about on the drive here? Whatever happened then is most likely the root cause of your recent interactions.”

KN spoke gently, sitting cross legged on the ground in front of you so you didn’t have to crane your head to look at him.

“Ok. Yeah, that makes sense...”

You took a deep breath, trying to prepare yourself for this conversation. You touched your palm with your fingers. Her lips had been cool to the touch. Softer than you expected.

Fuck. He was staring at you expectantly with his big red eyes. KN had stopped being scary to you at some point and you weren’t really sure when.

“Um... We talked about... why demon’s steal souls and make bad shit happen on Earth and we had an argument... about my...”

You flushed harder.

It was hard to talk about the shit that happened between you and ED. Because when you looked back on it, it seemed so much more weirdly intense and flirtatious than it did while it was happening. Needlessly so. Seriously, what was going on with you?

“You had an argument about your what?”

“... About my penchant for self hatred. Which was basically just name calling. And then we talked about... some of her past relationships. Specifically a really bad one that got her killed once...”

KN nodded knowingly. You remembered the other thing you talked about. You looked at your feet as the stone dropped back into your stomach.

“... And her current one, I guess...”

Kanaya frowned slightly.

“May ask what you mean by that?”

“Her current... um... The demon... who died. Who doesn’t know she’s alive. ED said she hasn’t broken it off.”

He let out a slow breath, almost exasperated.

“My god... Another surprise. She really has grown shockingly truthful since being joined to your soul. I would enjoy it if it didn’t make things so difficult.”

You scrubbed your hands on your jeans. It was like ED had left a ghost kiss on your hand and it wouldn’t go away. It wouldn’t fucking go away.

“So yeah. Then we got here and then I decided to mess with her, and then I didn’t stop messing with her until I almost permanently maimed her.”

“Hmm. Did she tell you she still considers their relationship to be- ah, happening? Right now?”

“... I don’t- kind of? She just kept saying it was “complicated” and that she wasn’t “looking at anyone else any more.” so I don’t fucking know. It sounded... like she misses them.”

The stone in your gut got heavier as the words left your lips. 

“I imagine she does... they were together for almost thirteen years.”

Shit, that made you sad. You leaned back against the chair as your eyes grew hot. As long as she’d been alive, in her current body, she’d been with that demon. And then she ended up here. With you. Stuck with you.

“Their name is Tavros. She... they had a very specific kind of relationship, one with a very steep power imbalance. Almost the complete opposite of your relationship with her. But their relationship is, without a doubt, over now. Tavros has believed her to be worse than dead for over three months now and Eridan knowingly renounced any chance to take them back when she entered into this bond with you. I know she has a strong desire to see them again, to get closure on their relationship and apologize for hardships she caused them.”

He watched you quietly for a moment. You couldn’t meet his big red eyes.

“Are you jealous?”

Fuck. 

“....”

“I would certainly be in your position.”

Shit. Fuck. Fuck. 

“I imagine she assured you of her faithfulness, but still... you found yourself feeling unsure of where you stood with her after learning about Tavros.”

No. No. Nope. Nonononononopenofuckingwayyouweren’titdidntmatterfuckfuckyoudidn’tcareyoudidn’tfuckingcare.

“Sollux...?”

Shit.

You managed a nod, since your throat was too tight for words.

“And there is your explanation for your behavior.”

You groaned and ground the butt of your hand into your eye socket as hard as you could stand it.

“It’s not that fucking simple KN...!”

“Oh, but it is. You wished to define your relationship, albeit unknowingly, and sought to dominate her. To prove you were stronger, and show that you would take responsibility for her and her safety. As do most demons when they are closely matched in terms of power. But due to the nature of your relationship, there was never meant to be any power imbalance to begin with. And so you both continued to push each other towards further aggression, neither of you willing to submit, until I intervened and clarified the situation.”

You almost screamed in frustration.

“I’m not a fucking demon KN! Jesus fucking christ on a stick I’m human! Did everyone just conveintly decide to forget I didn’t transform into one of you soulsucking asshats, or did I just miss a fucking memo somewhere!”

“Of cour-”

You were on a roll, your shit was flipping so fast it was breaking the sound barrier.

“I didn’t ask for this! I can’t- can’t go around trying to- to fucking make people submit to me?! What am I, a supervillain?! Some evil genius with a chip the size of rhode island on my shoulder?! I can’t be that much of a possessive fuckface!! I can’t function like that! Is this supposed to be my new normal?! I’m just psycho now?! A psychotic psychic with a demon entourage and zero fucks to give?! I guess that’s who I am now. I’m the spooky bitch with insane powers and I’m whipping them out left and right to fucking prove I’ve got the biggest dick and god forbid you get in my way because I want to be the “Dominant” and I’ll shock you for half an hour straight to prove it! Don’t mess with Sollux she thinks she’s the hotest shit ever shat and if you don’t agree she’ll fucking kill you!!”

You were breathing so hard. 

Kanaya was wide eyed with concern and you were suddenly embarrassed. You actually sounded insane. That outburst sounded insane. 

“Ah... I think you are associating some behaviors that are not necessarily linked... establishing a dominant is very common and can be healthy as long as it is well maintained and understood. It doesn’t preclude violence or murder.”

You buried your face in your hands. You felt like the biggest piece of shit on earth. In the entire universe.

“... I tried to rip out her fucking horns KN...”

“I believe Eridan spoke to this earlier. But your bond allows a certain... permeability of your worldviews. Meaning you were reacting... in part, they way she would have. Eridan’s reaction, in this situation, if she was jealous about a former partner of yours, would have been to try to clarify your relationship, to find out who to defer to, and to secure your faithfulness. So you did something similar... engaging her in a battle purely about who calls the shots.... Again this is not necessarily unhealthy. The problem was not the behavior, it was that you didn’t understand it, nor your specific dynamic as equals, nor the need for an auspistice when things began to spiral out of control.”

You dragged your hands down your face. Met his eyes.

“... So... I just... didn’t know how to deal, basically?”

“Basically. This explains your hostility towards me as well. Since humans do not often utilize auspisticism, it must be confusing for you to have me interjecting so much. You naturally see me as a competitor for her attention and resent the lack of privacy I have given you thus far. In short, your jealousy makes you jealous of me, but I assure you. I do not share your desire to be with Eridan romantically.”

You flushed and rubbed your arm. You knew he didn’t. That wasn’t so much the issue.

“... I don’t... want to be with her romantically though...”

“Oh.”

“... I mean. She’s kind of... fucking crazy. And I don’t understand her at all and she just... gets under my fucking skin and I want to rip her a new one for it and I- I - c- can’t  _ be  _ with a demon, ok?! I can’t! It’s not fucking normal.”

“... I was not aware that normalcy was a must for your relationships.”

“You know what I mean KN!” You snapped.

His face was cold, impassive.

“I’m afraid I don’t.”

“How do we even- she’s not human! We can barely get through an hour together without having an argument or wrestling match or just generally antagonizing the shit out of each other! She’s - she’s not even my fucking type!”

“I was under the impression that you found her very attractive, given the amount of staring at her you have been doing since you met. I am just as strange as she is to you and yet your eyes never linger on me.”

You sputtered in horror and embarrassment.

“That- that- she’s never wearing any fucking clothes, it takes more effort not to look!”

“You have engaged her in numerous physical bids for her attention.”

“I have not!”

“You have routinely expressed physical affection, flirted with her, shown her immense compassion and empathy and even gone so far as to sleep with her several times.”

That was too far. Your face was so hot it was going to explode.

“For the last god damn time! We have NEVER fucking slept together!!”

He gave you a perplexed look.

“Sollux... You slept together last night.”

You blinked as you realized he wasn’t talking about  _ that _ kind of sleeping together. He seemed to realize this too.

“Oh...! You thought I meant having sex...”

You groaned and buried your head in your hands again. You were so stupid somebody needed to just open up your skull already and study your brain for science rather than force you to keep the idiotic pointless charade of being a functional human being up. Somebody, please.

You mumbled pathetically into your palms.

“... How would that even work...? I don’t even think she has human genitals...”

“Have you been thinking about her genitalia?”

The amusement in his voice made your face burn even hotter.

“... KN. Please.”

“Please stop forcing you to confront your behavior? I’m afraid not.”

You wanted to cry again. It was too much.

“... It’s not fair. ED knew what she was getting into. Sort of. I just... woke up and then she was in my life and nothing makes a fuckwit of sense anymore. I’m not supposed to... I’m not supposed to be in afucking relationship with a demon. And I’m definitely not supposed to be ok with that!”

“I’m not suggesting you should feel utterly infatuated with her, or even that you shouldn’t be upset at the speed at which your feelings for her have blossomed. I assure you, it is dizzying to watch even from outside. I can barely keep up. I didn’t expect the two of you to reach this level of entanglement until months from now.”

You groaned again, leaning back in the chair as far as it would go.

“...I can’t... I mean... it is going way too fast. I just freaking kissed her and it’s only been a motherfucking week!”

“Well... on the palm of the hand. It’s not a particularly serious romantic gesture.”

If it was anyone else then it would have been nothing. But with ED it felt serious. There was intent behind it. And she had really tried to kiss you on the lips before that had even happened.

“KN what am I supposed to do...?!”

“What would you like to happen?”

“I would like... To not be in this situation.”

“Sollux.”

“I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready to just... k-kiss her and call her my fiance like it actually fucking means something!”

“It does mean something... you have an engagement. At the end of which... there is a ceremony to bind you together.”

You licked your lips nervously. 

“...Is it important? That I... like her?”

“Yes. It is important. You need to love her enough to pull her to this plane when Doc Scratch severs the link, otherwise Eridan will pass right out of existence.”

You frowned, digging your nails into the palm of your hand. Not the hand she kissed. You couldn’t really stomach the idea of that happening. ED had to live.

“... How much do I have to love her  _ exactly _ ?”

“Sollux.” He said sharply.

“Hey... I’m just saying, there are lots of kinds of love and they’re not all made equal.”

KN sighed heavily.

“Well yes... There is no question of that. In one of the more successful iterations of this experiment the demon and human developed a very strong platonic relationship. Unfortunately it didn’t work out in the long run, but I heard it was still quite sweet.”

“I could do that. I could be best friends with her.” You said, convincing no one. 

The tiny AA who lived in your head laughed at you with just the tiniest bit of mockery.

Kanaya leveled you with a very serious look. Maybe he bought it?

“You could. Though... you may have to stop flirting with her and thinking about her genitals if you wish to change course now.”

It took you a full 5 seconds to realize this was his idea of sarcasm. He was too deadpan, he should just not.

“I’m not-! Ff- doing either of those things!! ...That much!”

He raised an eyebrow at you and you snarled at him as you jumped out the chair and started walking away.

“You know what, screw you! You’re just mind gaming me into accepting this and I’m not fucking falling for her. It. Shut up!”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Shut up anyways!”

He laughed and stood up behind you. You were fuming. This was ridiculous.

You looked at the monitor, Doc Scratch was almost there, she’d almost beaten your defense network. But not quite. The worst was yet to come.

If you had a week... you could have made one so difficult to hack it would have taken her a month. But that wasn’t the point of this game. The point of this was for her to think this was a posthumous middle finger from Mr. LaLonde... and she would absolutely think that once she finally disabled the signal and she lost complete control of her lab. You had found a diabolical, unstoppable virus, in a folder marked “fcukUbench” in his computer and you thought it was only fitting the “bench” got to see exactly what it could do. 

You felt like you owed to him to deliver it. You had mad respect for the man you’d never gotten to meet. He’d taught you more about being a badass hacker in two days than any other jerk on the internet had your whole life. You said your whole life because your life basically began when your mom got her first desktop computer. Everything before then was garbage.

“Sollux... you don’t have to be in love with her right now.”

You were so fucking done with this conversation. You thought that was clear.

“Good. Cause I’m not.”

“But I think you may find yourself more in control of your emotions and actions if you admit to yourself that you have romantic inclinations for Eridan, and that they have been coloring many of your actions thus far.”

No way you were ever going to do that. It was cute he was trying so hard, but you were seriously fucking done.

“...”

“You have spoken about many sensitive topics with me today, and I am proud of you for that. I... appreciate your openness with me more than you could possibly know. But I think it would be wise for you to consider being more open about some things with yourself as well.”

You clenched the ghost-kiss hand, keeping your back turned towards him.

“What if I don’t? What if I’m done admitting and accepting and bending over backwards like I’m trying to kiss my own asshole for this marriage scam I didn’t even fucking ask to be part of? What then, KN?”

“Then I imagine you will continue to find yourself spiralling out of control whenever there is any kind of shift between you and Eridan. And unless you wish for me to hover around you a great deal more than I already have, you will both be at great risk for developing a deeply unhealthy relationship... one that could end in serious injury or death.”

Your blood ran cold. He sounded so, so serious.

“... for who...?”

“Either. Or both. I suspect Eridan is the most at risk between the two of you. She is easily manipulated by love. Or what she believes to be love.”

Your stomach flipped.

“... I... I don’t want to hurt her again...”

You heard him step closer to you.

“You have to let go of that fear... Intimacy brings pain... No matter what, you will cause each other infinitely more pain before the year is up. Whether you heal that pain for each other is another matter.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“KN... If I... let myself... if I end up developing feelings for her... does that mean that’s it? She’s my literal soulmate and I never get to have a normal relationship with a human?”

“I honestly do not know. But... I have to ask. Why do you care? You seem far too bright to truly believe that normalcy is the end all, be all, especially since you have access to so many experiences that normal humans do not.”

Your throat was tight. You hated talking about this. You really didn’t talk about this. Only MT and AA knew about your shitshow of a romantic history. You kept that shit locked the fuck up.

“... In... um every single one of my... relationships...”

Holy shit you were really talking about this. With KN of all people. Except he was a demon. Somehow that didn’t make it that much weirder.

“... I’ve been cheated on. And worse than that... so I guess at this point... I just want to prove I can do it. That I can hold onto a regular person long enough to tell them how not regular I fucking am.”

“Who are you proving yourself to? To the people who hurt you?”

You spun towards him angrily.

“You think I care what those pieces of shit think? No! I want to prove it to me! For myself! I’ve never,  _ ever _ had a normal life. I just want one! I just want  _ one _ person, who’s never been possessed by a ghost, or seen a werewolf, or had visions or shat gold or whatever, to accept me for who I am. To... to love me even though I’m a - I’m a fucking freak...”

“That is very selfish of you.”

His eyes were cold and hard. Reproachful. You were instantly on the defensive. You’d just barred your soul to him and he was glaring at you like you told him you liked to kick puppies for fun.

“... selfish...? How do you figure that?”

“Yes, Sollux. That is selfish. All these people around you, your friends and family, they have been touched by forces outside of the normal human experience. You make it sound like they’re love is worth less to you because of this. Like it is tainted.”

It was like he stabbed you in the gut.

“H-hold on KN I... I didn’t-”

He cut you off before you could formulate a defense.

“What’s more, you appear to be completely willing to shove your feelings for Eridan aside. Regardless of their nature or intensity, out of fear you may never get another chance to prove your worth by soliciting affection from “normal” humans who would struggle immensely to understand your life, and who, I might add, would be immediately tainted by the supernatural by coming into contact with you. You are being incredibly selfish, and you are being cruel. And you are being selfish and cruel to your own detriment.”

You stared at him. You were trembling, with some emotion that wasn’t quite anger, but it was close.

“If you truly feel this way, I will be forced to speak to Scratch and suggest she search out another candidate. There is no way you will be able to commit to Eridan with such petty reservations. I would rather her use her heartbreak to fight her way out of the Pit in three or four years than have her die forever because you refused to embrace what feelings you had for her from the beginning.”

Okay, now it was anger. Really, really intense anger. The lisping all over the place, hair on end, sparks shooting out of your eyes and hands, kind of anger.

“Wait a fucking thecond asswipe!! That’s thelfish too! That’s thelfith as fuck KN!! You don’t know what she wantsth, you can’t just- just take her away becauthe you don’t think I’m good enough!! Who the SHIT do you think you are you to fucking decide that?!”

He drew himself up even taller somehow, looking down at you in such a way it made you feel like you’d shrunk a foot. You puffed your aurora out on instinct, you weren’t going to let yourself be intimidated by this freakishly tall demon. Fuck this guy.

You were Sollux fucking Captor.

“I am her oldest friend. And what makes you think she would choose to stay here if I told her of your little outburst today? Do you really think she would wish to continue this charade with you if I told her that your biggest fear is that, when this is all over, if she  _ survives _ it, you might want to stay with her?”

Horror made your eyes widen. You felt like you were tipping over the edge of a cliff.

“... Well, don’t fucking tell her that obviouthly!”

His red eyes were so cold.

“Why not?”

Shit, you took it all back. You didn’t mean it. He couldn’t fucking tell her that.

“Because it’sth stupid!”

“But it’s the truth. You said it yourself.”

Fuck, you were freaking out. Panic was making it hard to breath. She would hate you if he told her that.

“It’s not like it has to thtay the truth! I can - I can...”

You realized with a start he was smiling at you. Smirking.

It hit you like a slap in the face. KN had just tricked the shit out of you.

“You can what, Sollux?”

You just opened and closed your mouth like a fish. To dumbstruck to make any noise.

“Can you give Eridan an honest shot? Can you accept your feelings for her as they come? Can you give up your dreams of normalcy and make the most of your life as it is?”

Your brain was doing the static thing. Producing the computational fuzz of getting completely highroaded.

“Well? Sollux?”

You opened your mouth again, unsure of what was going to come out of it.

“I... can.”

“Are you sure?”

Wow. Ok. You could say it. Did you mean it?

“... Yes.”

Apparently you meant it.

His smile grew warmer.

“That is good to hear.”

He strode towards you. You returned his hug without thinking.

You had never felt so stupid in your entire life. You were begrudgingly impressed by KN, by the flawless way he goaded you into being a complete fucking moron. He got you to act so absurdly dumb you actually looped around to figuring something out and not being a selfish idiotic piece of shit. What a legend.

You snickered against his chest as you realized how perfectly he’d hooked you.

“Fuck, KN... You’re... you’re good.”

“Hmm... I am.”

He was purring a little, clearly deeply satisfied. You laughed again.

“I can’t even... you just said a bunch of shit that wasn’t true, shit that if I had taken even a split second to think about, I would have known wasn’t true...! And it all went over my head because...”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, your cheeks spiked in temperature. Because he had threatened to take ED away from you. He had threatened to tell her about your shitty paranoia about never having a “normal” relationship and then she would have been pissed at you and thought you didn’t care about her and... she would have  _ wanted _ to leave you. And you couldn’t deal with that.

Fuck.

“Because?”

Holy fucking shit, this wasn’t just some magic bond bullshit. You really did have a little bit of a thing for her. You had a thing for ED. It wasn't a huge crush or anything serious or deeply romantic and sappy. But it was there.

You groaned and let your forehead against him bounce against his chest.

“Because I... I guess... I want ED to stay with me. Because I... I kind of... Ikindoffuckinglikeheralittle...!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that last part...”

You ground your teeth in irritation at the amusement in his voice. No way you were saying that again. KN might have healed your body but your pride had been beaten to a bloody pulp and you weren’t about to kick while it was down.

“You fucking heard me.”

He sighed softly and rubbed your shoulders.

“Ross was right... staunch denial is one of your primary modes of operation... I don’t envy Eridan’s upwards battle for your affection.”

You pulled away from his grasp with a scowl.

“Ugh. Don’t tag team psychoanalyze me with that witch. One of you is enough.”

“My apologies... I shouldn’t have spoken to him about these matters.”

That was not what you meant, you weren’t trying to be possessive damnit.

“No, I mean... you can talk to him... just don’t gang up on me and talk up a dissertation’s worth of flowery freudian bullshit. Give my character a fucking break and go reverse engineer someone else’s personality together.”

“Oh... Well. I’m not sure he would enjoy such an activity with me... but I appreciate your... um. Well, I appreciate it. ”

His face looked a little greener than usual. You hoped to god it wasn’t because he liked RS. That was a nightmare couple if you’d ever seen one. If they got together you would never stop being psychoanalyzed. There’d be no escape.

The monitor started beeping loudly. Oh yeah, the whole reason you were here in the first place.

You spun towards it, watching the dominoes start to fall, the thirty second countdown on the monitor felt like too long, but she needed to get the impression the tracing devices started working again before LaLonde’s virus she’d been inadvertently importing ate through her data and auto-downloaded to all her compatible equipment. Anything it couldn’t fully corrupt would explode. That was your only addition to his close to perfect script, because you wanted to throw in one tiny extra middle finger to her. For all the shit she’d pulled on you and your family and your friends. For ED.

“KN... she’s going to call you. Be prepared.”

“Oh my... it’s happening already. That was very fast.”

“Don’t worry. You won’t even have to lie. You told her where we are, she’ll see where we are.”

You hadn’t told him about the virus. KN kind of sucked at lying most of the time so it was better if he didn’t know.

His phone rang, right on schedule, and he fished it out of his pocket so it unrolled in his palm. 

He made a little face and answered and then made an even more severe grimace as her voice began to speak inside his head.

“Hello Doc.”

More grimacing.

“Yes, we are still at his house... His son has been considering reaching out to him in the veil before he- yes.”

You were trying not to laugh. KN’s disgusted face mixed with the inevitability of what was to come was making it very hard.

“You contracted a Virus? I don’t understand... you cannot get sick... Oh are you alright?!!”

He pulled his phone away from his ear, looking at it like it had broken unexpectedly.

“She disconnected...”

You lost it. 

His big red eyes got bigger.

“Wait?! Did you have something to do with this?”

Oh man, you were dying. 

“Sollux?!”

You managed to force the laughter down to sporadic giggling.

“Oh ffuck... ehe KN you were amazing...! “You can’t get sick.” ehehehe... Holy shit!”

“What just happened? I am so confused.”

He really was. You snickered with delight.

“She got a  _ computer  _ virus you ding-dong. From disabling the satellite...?”

“Oh... Oh! Did you do that?! Oh no... she will be very angry... she spends much of her time on them.”

“Let’s just say... I delivered it for RS’s Dad. And it happened to help us out a little.”

“How does making her computers sick help us?”

You hadn’t realized before... but KN was sort of terrifyingly out of touch with technology. He was probably no help at all with figuring out the machines in the lab. Now you were sort of impressed he managed to stick the thumbdrive in the correct hole earlier. 

Actually. He probably got help.

“You... Wow. Just wow. Ok. She monitors us on them, right? Well, now she can’t. Doc Scratch will have to work on rebuilding her entire setup while we get a little breathing room and work on figuring out what our next move is going to be.”

“Huh... That is actually... rather brilliant Sollux.”

“Yeah, I’m a brilliant hacker prodigy. I’m really not appreciating the surprise though, KN.”

“Ah, forgive me... humans are often discussed as being very stupid in our culture, it is a bias I am trying to unlearn.”

“Yeah, well you guys are discussed as being agents of pure evil in mine... so I guess we both have shit to unlearn.”

“Indeed... well, shall we go tell the others that the mission is complete.”

“Uh...”

He gave you a gentle knowing smile.

“You will have to face her again eventually.”

“... Arrrrgh! Fine. But if shit gets weird I’m holding you personally responsible. As our... aus-spit-sis or whatever.”

“Auspistice.”

“Right. Just... don’t let us hurt each other.”

“I highly doubt either of you will try to do any such thing. The sheer amount of remorse you both feel tells me that much.”

You flushed a little. You really wouldn’t hurt her again. Not like that.

“Oh... well. I mean... that’s good.”

“It seems like you are more afraid of another sort of physical interaction occurring... Perhaps an affectionate one?”

“...Yeah. I should stop trying to pull the wool over your eyes. If shit gets weird in  _ that _ way... please block anyone from seeing with your ridiculous giant body, thanks.”

He smirked at you.

“I will do my best.”

You shook your head at him with a soft sigh. But you were still kind of smiling. You guessed you kind of liked him too. You were glad he was here. If he wasn’t... the situation you found yourself in would be a billion times worse, you were ninety nine percent sure. Which was pretty fucking sure.

He made a little hand motion and the faint green shimmer around the computer terminal vanished and you followed him out into the rest of the lab.

Steeling yourself for whatever would happen when you saw ED again. 

You had no fucking clue what to expect. But at least KN had your back. He would keep you safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bluh. I'm working and it's bullshit.


	48. Be Sad About Not Being Sad

**Be Eridan: Be Sad About Not Being Sad**

The Joan human found you, about twenty minutes later after you had absconded. She brought you food, which was the only reason you didn’t abscond again, the only reason you lifted your head from your arms to look at her. It smelled good.

She gave you a gap toothed smile and you glared. 

“Hey... I brought you a sandwich.”

You growled softly, to indicate you weren’t in the mood for her bullshit at the moment.

“... I can fuckin’ see that.”

“Congratulations! Having seen it, you’ve won the ultimate prize!”

“... Prize?”

“Yup. Now you get to eat it. Or I guess, do whatever you want with it... I personally, would probably eat it, but to each her own.”

She set the plate on the ground and you stared at it. It looked good, it smelled fantastic. You were hungry. Not exceedingly so, but you could eat.

“If I eat it w-will you fuck off?”

“Yeah, we can fuck off together. I bet you could help figure out what some of these machines do. I’ve figured out a couple so far... but the files that Sollux found on the computer, it’s some of the most convoluted assbackwards explanations I’ve ever seen. And there’s a lot of mathy stuff that I’m just skipping over, but the text documents... Man, they're just as bad. There are so many misspellings so it’s like half fucking guesswork just reading the damn things.”

“No thanks... You can fuckin’ scram, but I’ll eat the sandwich.”

“No can do. You either leave this creepy dusty hidey hole with me or you don’t get a sandwich. Them’s the rules bucko.”

You let out a sharp laugh of disbelief.

“You think I tried to kill Sol, but now you expect me to fuckin’ help you w-with some bullshit thing just cause you’re pretendin’ to be nice to me? You could be tryin’ to lure me out so the witch can try an blast me ta bits or the little one can talk me to fuckin’ death. So if that’s the fuckin’ deal, no thanks. Keep your shitty sandwich an leave me the fuck alone.”

“Ok... I realize that comment might have come off as a little insensitive. But in my defense... I’ve never seen Sollux act like that... and you are like... a badass bitch who beat Kanaya up and survived Hell Jail so... I just assumed you were really trying to kick the shit out of Sollux too. And it was a little freaky to watch. But if she says it’s fine... then it’s fine. I won’t question it because she’s a cool person, she wouldn’t lie about that.”

“... You think I'm a badass bitch?”

“I mean? Yeah. If even half of what Sollux has said about you is true then, yeah.”

“W-what did she say about me?”

“I... don’t think I should say. Exactly. Friend to friend confidentiality, y’know?”

You pouted and squished your cheek against the top of your knees, your tail flicking in irritation against the cement floor.

“Aww c’mon... nothing bad. It’s pretty clear she’s... uh. You know what, nevermind. ”

You lifted your head with a start.

“Hold on a fuckin’ second! It’s pretty clear she’s w-what?”

She looked and smelled nervous. 

“Oh boy. Um... I really don’t think I should be talking about this... She’ll definitely try to kill me if she finds out I said anything.”

You changed tactics, you smiled at her a little. 

“I’ll protect you Joan... She w-won’t kill me cause we’re soul bonded, so fuckin’ spill it already!”

“Alright, alright jeez... but if I tell you, you have to come help me.”

You huffed and rolled your eyes.

“For fucks sake, fine!”

“... It’s pretty clear she’s uh... kind of into you. Or at least she seems to be.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah dude. Sollux talked about you a lot yesterday... not in a negative way or anything, and not just because we were talking about all the bs that Scratch is putting her and Ross through. And she said she didn’t bring you with her because it wasn’t safe for you here. She didn’t want Ross to take his anger out on you... So. I mean, take what you will from that.”

You sighed heavily and looked away. It wasn’t the conformation of her affections you were hoping for.

“... Is that bad or something?”

“No... It’s just... more fuckin’ nothin’. Could mean anthin’. An it’s not like she’s the kinda person to be jumpin’ at the bit to tell anyone else about her feelin’s... so, I don’t know why I w-was hopin’ for somethin’ more.”

“Call me Captain Obvious, but that’s because you like her, right?”

You frowned and picked at the edge of your sleeve with your claws.

“... I’m pretty sure I do, but... I’m new to this... feelin’ so much all the time thing. I mean I w-was like this a long time ago... I think. It’s hard to remember, but it... it feels new. Everythin’ is more complicated than it used to be. An it’s really fuckin' confusin’ now w-we’re equals an it’s not like either a us can dictate the pace or ev-ven what w-we’re actually doin’ with each other.”

“Being a demon... seems pretty complicated already to be honest. Without adding any arranged marriages or soul bonds or mysterious plots to open rifts in space-time by semi-omnipotent beings to your whole deal.”

“Semi-omnipotent?”

“This Doc Scratch person?”

“I know, dumbass. But she’s not- She’s Omnipotent. There’s no fuckin’ semi attached to that title.”

“Hmm... I don’t think so. I don’t think she knows... exactly what’s going on with Sollux, otherwise I think she would have done something to keep her away from the virus... and I mean, why would she even need tracking devices if she knew everything already?”

“W-what virus?”

“She didn’t tell you? Sollux is using the satellite diversion to give Scratch a virus that Ross’s Dad designed... Supposed to completely destroy her lab or something.”

“The fuck?!”

“Oh yeah. She’s got major hacker credz, and I guess so did Mr. LaLonde.”

You scowled. Why had no one told you Sol was smart and capable before you got into this? It made you look stupid for underestimating her.

“I know that! ... But I wouldn’t get your hopes up, it probably w-won’t work anyways. Scratch w-will stop it, or send it back to us or somethin’... I mean, that’s the crux a the fuckin’ problem w-with this w-whole double crossin’ idea. We’re all probably just doin’ what were supposed to do for her plans to w-work, an if our interests don’t actually align... we’re fuckin’ fucked... She’s a god for fucks sake.”

“Maybe... but the fact that there was a need for tracking devices in the first place... and the fact that she hasn’t contacted Sollux in any way... except for her vision, which didn’t seem intentional... and the fact that Ross’s Dad was able to literally build a signal that hides us from her influence here... I don’t know. It just seems like a truly Omnipotent being would be in more control. I think... if Sollux is right... and that Doc Scratch uses the same kind of powers as she does, she might be a literal blind spot for her. Like... there’s a gap in her knowledge when it comes to shit that directly involves Sollux. It might... cloud her understanding of what’s happening overall with us. That’s just a theory though. I mean, I think if the virus actually gets to her... we can assume there’s something a little shaky about her whole “Omnipotent” title...”

When she put it like that it did sound like there was something going on there. Maybe Scratch wasn’t as all powerful as you thought.

“... I fuckin’ hope you’re right about that. Cause otherw-wise we don’t ave a chance in Heaven or Hell a gettin’ this situation ta w-work out in our fav-vor.”

She picked the plate back up off the floor and offered it to you.

“Yeah, me too... So, you gonna eat that sandwich? Or hide out here forever?”

“I already said I’d fuckin’ eat it!”

You snatched the plate from her hands and she laughed.

“Sweet.”

You settled into sitting cross legged and started eating it. You tried to eat a little slower than you usually did. Eating fast and chewing as little as possible was the only way to get through the process, necessary though it was, back home. But you didn’t need to do that here. You could actually enjoy food, it’s texture and taste. Not just for the way it stopped hunger from gnawing at your stomach and brought your strength back. It made you feel a little spoiled.

Still old habits didn’t disappear so easily and you ate the sandwich in four bites while Joan stared at you. It was delicious and packed with different flavors, none of them bad. You were enjoying being spoiled.

“You really like food, huh?”

You swallowed the last bite and shook your head.

“No. I like food  _ here _ ... But you humans are fuckin’ lucky you get ta ave so much good tastin’ shit lyin’ around. There ain’t a single thing in Hell that tastes as good as the worst tastin’ piece a food here.”

“That sucks balls.”

You frowned at the unfamiliar expression. You had an inkling of what it meant, but it’d been so long since you’d thought about human genitals. Basically you’d only thought about it once, watched some Earth porn, been thoroughly mystified and then decided you had enough of an idea to loosely picture sex scenes when you read them in books, which was all you cared about anyways. 

“Balls... that’s like globes, right...? Like uh... w-where you make human slurry?”

“.... Uh. What?”

“Balls are the organs that make human cum right? It’s slang ain’t it?”

Joan’s face went violently red.

“Wow. You just started talking about sex stuff with me out of nowhere and I have no idea how to respond.”

You growled in frustration, trying to quiet it when you caught the whiff of fear that came from your companion.

“You brought it up though! You humans are always usin’ sexual terms an slang but you get so fuckin’ twisted up about it w-when anyone just talks about it directly an it’s so fuckin’ stupid.”

“Ok. Fair. You have a point. But... there’s like... a certain relationship you’re supposed to have with an individual before you start up on that pervy shit. Or a very specific... situation in which everyone has already agreed that talking about that is ok in advance and no one thinks it’s weird.”

“W-well? W-what’s the relationship? Or the situation?”

“Friends... or people you’re actually boning, or... a unholy combination of the two. And the situation... you know it when you see it.”

“... So can w-we be friends so you’ll answer my question an I can mov-ve on with my fuckin’ day?”

“...Oh. Yeah, dude. We can be friends.”

“Great.”

You stared at her expectantly and she coughed a little, clearing her throat.

“... And uh... to answer your question. Balls... are the organs... that make cum. Their proper name is testicles though.”

“Thanks for the clarification Joan.”

You smirked at her and her face went redder, splotchier.

“Are... globes... um. Do they do that?”

“Make slurry? Yeah.”

She made a face and stared at the floor for a moment, nodding slowly like she was trying to understand what you had said but didn’t really want to.

“Cool. Cool. Cool... Right this about as much of this conversation as I can take. Let’s go poke at some machines instead of sitting here talking about out respective sets of sex organs.”

You laughed and stood up as she started to herself, dusting off the knees of her pants as she did. Joan’s face was still slightly red and splotchy.

She met your eyes suddenly, seriousness in her gaze.

“This is when you say “Gee, that sounds super!”, ok?”

You gave her a blank stare and repeated the words. Not verbatim.

“... Gee, that sounds fuckin’ super...”

She gave you her gap toothed smile and playfully punched you in the arm.

“Doesn’t it, Eridan? We’ll have a blast.”

A laugh surprised you working its way out of your throat. You shook your head with a wry smile.

“One day I’ll met a human w-who isn’t a fuckin’ prude. There’s gotta be at least one...”

You followed her winding path through the large metal shapes, all humming softly in their dormancy.

“Hey, I’m not a prude... just, like I said... It’s something to work up to... Unless you’re Dove. But no one knows what she’s talking about half the time anyways so her constant innuendos just make people vaguely uncomfortable... Actually, Ross does the same thing. Man, we are seriously not normal enough to teach you how to interact with other humans...”

“It’s ok. I don’t think I can care about more than two or three a you at a time so I don’t really giv-ve a shit about about interactin’ w-with ones I don’t know.”

She let out a soft laugh that told you she didn’t understand that you were being serious. You really couldn’t care about that many people or demons at once. Not in a way that wasn’t because they directly affected your life in some way. You knew that was considered mean, but it wasn’t like you could do much about it. You were pretty selfish, even for a demon, and you only had so many extra fucks available for anyone who wasn't yourself.

“... Yeah, me neither. Most people suck anyways. Best just to try not to hurt anyone and go about being yourself, no matter how weird that is to other people. You end up happier that way anyways...”

“You humans care about happiness an aw-wful fuckin’ lot...”

“Don’t you? I mean... don’t you want to be happy?”

You frowned. Tuna had seemed convinced that cultivating happiness, your own individual happiness, would lure Sol to you. Make you appealing to her in some way. You rubbed your arm, the kiss Sol had given still lingered on your palm. You tried not to think about it.

“... It’s nev-ver... really mattered to me, I guess. That much at least. I’ll take it w-where I can get it, but... as long as I’m aliv-ve an avin’ my needs met... I ain’t complainin’.’”

“Yeah... being a demon seems... like not that much fun, to be honest.”

“You ain’t w-wrong... If you’re gonna die anytime soon, take my advice an just fuckin’ pass on. It ain’t w-worth the fuckin’ heartbreak... livin’ again.”

She stopped walking suddenly and turned to face you, her big blue eyes were swimming with concern. Pity. Maybe even a hint of understanding.

“Eridan... do you...?”

Her eyes asked the question that her voice did not.

Do you want to die?

You smiled and shook your head. Humans were so fucking naive.

“No. Cause bein’ a demon... dyin’ isn’t a escape. An really... it’s not so bad... It’s just... it ain’t like this life. An the shitty thing is ev-ven though w-we all know w-we had one, no one ever fuckin’ remembers it. It’s just feelin’ you ave. That you used to be someone else, someone more... An ev-very time you die it gets stronger an stronger an your sense a self gets weaker an w-weaker.”

“... Jesus.”

“It’s better ta just... mov-ve on... don’t prolong the pain. Cause it’s not gonna be somethin’ that gets better.”

Her eyes grew wider, glossy with emotion. With a cold horror.

“... Ross’s Dad... he won’t remember...? He won’t remember his life when he becomes a demon?”

You closed your eyes as an unfamiliar pang of emotion filled your body. Like a sharp note played on a string.

“No... but I think that’s how it has to be. If w-we knew... ev-verythin’ we lost... If w-w-we really knew, I think it w-would be fuckin’ unbearable.”

“... Fuck, that’s sad.”

You looked up to see her wiping her eyes under her glasses. You didn’t know what to do. She was so sad and frightened, so fucking horrified by your reality. All the humans were. It made you feel strangely guilty. They weren’t meant to see your world. To know the depths of the pain it held. It wasn’t for them.

You tried to think of something comforting to say, but nothing came to mind. You settled on an apology, even though you weren’t even sure that made sense. It was just something to say.

“... I’m sorry...”

She met your eyes fiercely. 

“Don’t be. It’s your life too... If that’s the reality you come from then you should be able to talk about it. Even if it makes us “humans” sad... it probably makes you sad too.”

It didn’t make you sad. The fact that it didn’t made you sad though. You should be sad.

You stared at her as you started to cry again.

Why weren’t you sad about not knowing who you used to be? About the prolonged descent into madness and loss of self you were destined for? Why did you just accept it?

Joan’s eyes widened as she looked at you, the sheer amount of concern in them freaked you out.

“Oh shit. Hey, hey... it’s ok... Do you want a hug? I’ve never hugged a demon before...”

You hissed and pulled away from her as she stepped towards you arms outstretched. You weren’t ready for that. You couldn’t override your instinctive distrust so easily.

“... Don’t!”

She dropped her arms back to her sides, looking a little lost.

“Ok... Eridan, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry too...”

You chuckled damply, wiped at your eyes. 

Stupid illogical fucking feelings. Being sad about not being sad was the dumbest thing you’d felt since you got all jacked into Sol’s soul. Could it possibly get any more moronic than that?

“Don’t fuckin’ w-worry about it. I’m on this new drug called human emotions an it makes me cry all the fuckin’ time... Categorically it ain’t your fault.”

“Aww... well, I still feel bad.”

“I made you cry first... so it’s a fuckin’ w-wash alright.”

She gave you a small smile and shook her head slightly.

“Alright... If you say so.”

You were going to have to start carrying handkerchiefs like Kan did if this kept up. You wiped at your eyes again, sure you were finished, and met her eyes fiercely. 

“I say so.”

You were tired of making the humans feel bad for you. You could only take so much fucking pity from strangers in a day.

Joan nodded her understanding and you brushed past her, letting her follow you out of the maze of machines now. You hoped that she wouldn’t tell the witch what you had told her. You had a feeling that it would only make things more painful for him. You didn’t like him that much, and it was hard to care about his feelings, but he seemed important to Sol, so you didn’t want him to feel anymore pain.

It would make Sol sad. And as little as you cared about your own happiness, you cared about hers. You wanted her to be happy. 

  
  


**Be Sollux: For The Love Of Irony**

You followed your bond to ED, finding her and everyone else clustered around a giant machine, a huge metal cylinder, with a bunch of smaller tubes and a stuff on the top that reached the ceiling. 

RS spotted you first and he smirked at you knowingly. You knew you looked like you’d been crying but at this point. Whatever. You were trapped in a literal emotional rollercoaster that never stopped. You got to the end and it just started pulling you right up the hill again while you tried in vain to break the safety bar and escape before the drop. Tears were the least of your problems.

“So did it work? Were you successful in trashing Scratch’s precious lab?”

You couldn’t help your grin. At least you had your victory to comfort you.

“She fell for it. Hook, line and sinker. Cue-ball bitch won’t be able to do shit for awhile... and when she gets set up again, she won’t be able to actually monitor me and ED unless I let her. So she won’t know about the house either.”

“Brillant.”

“Was I the only one who didn’t know about this plan?” KN spoke out beside you sounding rather irritated.”

ED turned around and gave you a slightly reproachful glare. It also looked like she had been crying. More recently than the last time you’d been crying together.

“Don’t w-worry Kan. I didn’t know either.”

JN who was standing besides her, got a sheepish look on her face.

You rolled your eyes, even as you felt your hackles start to raise. They were standing really close to each other. ED and JN.

“I just forgot to tell you. And I definitely couldn’t tell you, KN. I didn’t even think you could lie until like ten minutes ago and lying was super important for today’s activities. It was like the lie-lympics and I couldn’t let you get psyched out before your final performance.”

“What happened ten minutes ago?” 

You met RS’s probing gaze fiercely.

“That’s private between me and KN.”

“Hmm...” RS eyes grew sharper and slid from your face to his. ED still had that little frown of disapproval on her face. They were only standing so close because the indentation made for the controls of this mystery machine wasn’t really meant for two people to stand in. It wasn’t a big deal.

Joan bumped her arm with her fist with a small smile, shifting her gaze towards her. You stared at the place where her skin had touched ED’s grey.

“That’s good though, right? Now we know for sure she isn’t totally Omnipotent.”

“I ain’t trustin’ that. This could all still be a trick, ta get us to think is isn’t Omnipotent when she actually totally fuckin’ is an w-we’re all fucked.”

“Don’t you get tired of being so cynical all the time? Kanaya’s got a better attitude than you...”

“He’s a yearlin’, he ain’t had the hope forcibly ripped outta his soul like the rest a us.”

They were standing so fucking close, looking at each other intently. Your gut was clenching tightly, a bad taste rising in your mouth, you knew this feeling, you hated this feeling.

KN’s cool hand pressing against the small of your back snapped you out of it.

“Oh, Sollux I made you a sandwich. Figured you could use some lunch since you’ve been busy being a nonstop hacker badass since like 5 in the morning.”

You blinked as she realized JN was looking at you, her eyes were kind and friendly.

“... Uh.”

“Dude, you ok?”

She peered at you, concern all over her face.

“Um. Yeah. Sorry just... spaced out for a minute... Tired.”

“... Yeah, you should really take a break... I left your sandwich on the table over there, some water too.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat. ED was looking at you with an unreadable expression.

“Awesome... thanks JN.”

She beamed at you.

“No problem dude.”

You nodded sharply and spun around, KN gently removing his hand from your back as you did, to find this table with food and water and possibly privacy. Which you wanted desperately. 

Clearly you had managed to communicate that in some non-verbal way because no one tried to follow you.

It was a little out of the way, and you sank into one of the folding chairs gratefully, chugged water from one of the water bottles on the table, and then realizing you were actually really hungry, settled into the sandwich JN had made for you. You ate nonstop, not a single thought in your head. You were too overwhelmed for thoughts.

Once you were finished, you polished off the water bottle and started in on another. You stopped halfway through with the realization you had to pee. It’d been hours and hours since you’d last been to the bathroom.

You stumbled to your feet and made your way back to the others to ask if there was one here or if needed to take ED upstairs like she was an uncomfortably large bathroom pass. RS told you it was just to the left of the computer terminal and you thanked him and retreated again.

This time someone followed you. And the fact that you couldn’t spot them even when you tried told you it was DV.

“I’m just going to the fucking bathroom, and for the record, your half-assed ninja schtick sucks ass.” you said, to a space between two machines that was totally empty.

You ignored her presence behind you as you dashed into the bathroom.

You sat on the toilet for longer than you needed too. You had gotten jealous, viscerally jealous. Of JN of all people. For standing next to her, touching her, for holding her gaze.

Like those actions belonged only to you. Like they weren’t run of the fucking mill, meaningless gestures. Not exactly meaningless, but certainly not anything more than friendly. Technically, you wanted ED to have friends, to be more capable of those relationships, to be happier. Technically. But you were paranoid and possessive even without the paranoia and you didn’t think you could take it if she... just because she couldn’t really leave didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt if she wanted to. It would hurt that much more.

If you really ended up liking her that way. Which was so far from a sure thing it made the swelling intensity of your jealousy even more nonsensical.

But there was a fear underneath it, something slimy and gross inside yourself, something you usually tried to ignore. You didn’t want her to realize she could have had it better. There were probably plenty of humans out there to get soul bonded too, one’s who were nice and emotionally available and not miserable possessive egotistical dicks like you. But ED didn’t get to be with any of them.

Shit’s gotta sting.

You finally pulled yourself out of your self disgust enough to function and made your way out of the bathroom. You weren’t drowning in it at least.

DV was waiting for you, standing in your way.

You glared at her to communicate how much you didn’t want anything to do with her bullshit. You just wanted to collect your demons and go home already.

“The fuck do you want?”

“... I was thinking you should delete that video.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t do this. I was being a shitty friend and I goaded you into taking it because... I’m a shitty friend sometimes. Call it residual instincts from being raised in a completely ironic manner regardless of child safety laws. Or maybe because of. Don’t have kids.”

You snorted derisively.

“Ironic isn’t it... that I don’t give a single fuck?”

“C’mon Captor... Don’t make me wrestle you for it.”

“Bitch. Like you would win.”

You tried to walk past her but she caught your arm firmly. She was strong. Muscular despite her thin frame, almost as thin as yours and much shorter. It’s amazing what regular exercise can do to a person.

“Dude, I’m serious. You shouldn’t watch the video.”

You yanked your arm away with a snarl. Fuck, maybe you were becoming a demon.

“Why? Everyone else got to. Why should I be the only fucking one who didn’t get to see it?”

Her voice was measured, and strangely not full of layers of complicated unspoken humor.

“Eridan hasn’t seen it. Neither has Kanaya. But yeah. It’s really no skin off my back, if you do or don’t. But it’s clear, clearer than a windex slathered window in commercial land, that whatever the fuck is going on with you right now, it’s really intense. Staring into the sun with no eyelids intense. Popcorn double drenched in Movie Theater Butter flavoring intense.”

You stared at her. It was intense. And so fucking confusing.

“That being the case... now’s the time for some serious sensual self-love Sollux. Don’t beat yourself up again for shit that already happened. Give yourself a break from feeling like crap for once.”

“Way to assume I feel like fucking crap, DV.”

“No offense. But there’s no assuming required. Your face constantly broadcasts your mood... like a motherfuking radio tower, and all the rest of us are just picking up the signals and radioing each other back and forth like truckers trying to get through the midwest during tornado season, trying to figure out where this moody bitch is gonna swing in next.”

“Fuck you.”

She smirked

“We’ve talked about this... it’s not you babe, it’s both of us. We’re both too damn cool to bone each other. If we did, we’d start the next Ice Age a decade too early with our frosty bods bonking into each other trying to get to paradise. Except paradise is inside of us... so it’s really a moot point. Plus now you're dancing around this seriously ragey demon chick... it’s just bad timing. No hard feelings, alright?”

You snickered a little.

The two of you had an understanding. You’d been mutually attracted to each other when you first met, but that had ended almost immediately. You’d never even gone on a date, just shared one kiss that was so awkward and plain wrong feeling you both had agreed immediately that anything of that nature was as far off the table as you could throw it. Which with your powers, was pretty fucking far.

“Fuck you for that too... in the “ I hope your shoes constantly untie and trip you and your shades fall of your face every time someone you think is hot walks by you so you have to fumble around to hide your eyes instead of hitting on them” kind of way.”

“Oof. That bites... but I have fantastic luck with the potential scores, even when I’m acting like a total doofus. It’s called animal magnetism and you should get yourself a bottle. Change your life.”

You sighed and folded your arms over your chest.

“So... I really shouldn’t watch it?”

“If you’re going to watch it to hurt yourself and go crashing headfirst down the spiral staircase of guilt again, then yeah, don’t watch it... I’m glad it worked out and you’re both ok, but it was pretty scary to witness... and you were already involved. You don’t need to put yourself through that again.”

You were so tired of everyone being concerned about you. But you were concerned about you, so it wasn’t like you could blame them. You fished your phone out of your pocket, opened the screen and handed it to her.

As fucking shitty as it was to hear it, DV was right. You were already feeling insane and out of control right now, even after your conversation with KN. You shouldn’t be giving yourself excuses to self destruct. Accountability and whatever.

You watched her thin fingers tap quickly across the screen, the images reflected in the back of her shades. You watched as the mirror reflection of the video popped up and she hit delete. It brought you a sense of relief to see it go, knowing that you had chosen to let it go, even if you didn’t press the button yourself.

She handed it back to you with a small grin.

“Smart move. Now... if you’ll excuse me... I have to go take a leak.”

You spun around as she turned to leave.

“You fucking prick... did you seriously just follow me to find the bathroom?”

She turned around, walking backwards with a smug little grin.

“I’ve been transportalizing upstairs every time I’ve had to go since yesterday. It’s hell on the bladder, let me tell you.”

“Why didn’t you just ask someone else?”

She shrugged.

“I didn’t think about it.”

You attached a rope of energy to her shoelaces as she tried to step backwards again, and she toppled onto her ass immediately, you also yanked the laces out of their bows for a good measure.

She glared at you from the floor.

“Asshole.”

“Dickhead.”

She smirked.

“Shouldn’t you save the sweet talk for your purple pinup babe?”

“The fuck did you just say Strider.” 

It wasn’t a question, it was a warning.

“Y’know your gorgeous curvaceous demonic bride to beee- aahh!”

You dragged her by the legs into the bathroom with your psionics and slammed the door behind her once her head was inside.

You leaned against the door a little sweaty from the amount of exertion that had just taken. Fucking piece of shit talking about ED like she was hers to look at.

“...Whoa... fuck... At least you got me where I was trying to go...”

God, you were doing it again.  _ Again _ . And you didn’t even care.

“Do yourself a favor DV... don’t talk about ED like that again...”

You heard her let out a soft groan as she stood up in the bathroom.

“Why not? It’s just an observation.”

“Observation my ass. Don’t even fucking look at ED if you’re just going to creep on her from behind your hideous idiotic sunglasses. I’ll make sure you’ll never fucking creep again if you try.”

“Jeeeez, I got it. I wasn’t being serious, like even a little, but if that’s how you feel about her I won’t scope her out... Scouts honor.”

You snorted a sharp angry laugh. DV was never a scout. And besides it sounded like she already had been.

“ Y’know... I don’t get what’s going on with you two. You’re fighting, you’re cuddling... you’re all over the map. Jumping all over the possible relationship territory like it’s a competition.”

You huffed in frustration as you heard her start peeing.

“Yeah. It turns out when you hot wire two souls together, it short circuits a few fucking things. Produces some unintended emotional byproducts.”

You heard her flush, then washing her hands. You sighed heavily.

“And one of those is... just... giving a shit.”

She opened the door suddenly, not fast enough to catch you off guard though.

“Pretty fat shit if you ask me. You’re breaking the toilet bowl with the weight of that monstrosity.”

You met her gaze indignantly.

“... What do you want me to say? I can’t stop it, I can’t- can’t keep ignoring my feelings, that’s why we keep getting into fights in the first place... We try to shut each other out and it boils into this aggressive impossible- ! Thing! I can’t keep doing this... I have to figure out how to fucking deal before it’s too late and someone actually gets hurt.”

“Especially with your jealous streak.”

You flushed violently.

“Yeah... Joan didn’t notice because she’s thick like that but... you looked like you wanted to kill her when she touched Eridan.”

“...”

Why did everyone have to see right through you all the fucking time?

“Look, you’ve been transparent about the fact that you’ve had partners, but you’ve never once talked about any of them. Ever. Not even casually, in the “my ex Summer Vale Breeze loved butterscotch but she went vegan right before it ended and it’s ok because she made her own biodegradable dental dams and they tasted like ass” kind of way.”

You laughed despite yourself.

“Did you date someone named “Summer Vale Breeze”?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Not if she made her own dental dams. Who even uses dental dams?”

“They really were god-awful. Tasted like licking seaweed with a hint of stale pussy. But that’s beside the point. Do you not talk about your exes because they sucked or because you sucked?”

You scowled.

“... Why does it fucking matter? Why does any of this fucking matter?”

“It doesn’t. Or it wouldn’t usually. I don’t give a solitary shit about relationship drama unless one of my friends is involved and they’re obviously hurting. You don’t talk about that shit because you’re holding onto the pain of whatever the hell happened and it’s not healthy.”

You snapped. Whatever. You’d already told KN, what’s one more person.

“Fine. I got cheated on. I got cheated on three times in a row. And I sucked just as hard as they did afterwards and I pulled some seriously vindictive shenanigans on their asses that was deeply satisfying for all of five seconds. Except for last time. I was the bigger person and I left her alone to stew in her own shit because I was just fucking tired of it. Except now! Now I’m fucking paranoid. Now I’m a jealous creep even though I don’t want to be and I’ve been in a emotional fucking tailspin all week and I hate myself more than ever before because I can’t- I can’t fucking help it. I saw JN touch her and I- it was like being right where I used to be, watching some other creep- fuck. DV, I hate it. I hate this and I don’t know what to do.”

“Talk to her.”

She said it so quickly you did a double take.

“... That’s it? That’s your advice... Jesus fucking christ...”

“That’s the only advice you need. You’re going to have to at some point, but just tell her now. Tell Eridan how you’ve been feeling like a jealous piece of shit before you wind up trying to duke it out again.”

“Uggghhh...”

“Dude. That's it. That’s all you have to do.”

“Arrrrghhh....”

“Is groaning... like how you summon her...?”

You glared again.

“... Shut up. This is hard for me. I don’t talk about this shit.”

“So? Suck it up. Eridan’s a literal motherfucking alien, with only one alien buddy who understands her ragey self, trying to get you to crush on her so she doesn’t die. The least you could do is cut her some slack and tell her why you’ve been losing your marbles lately. There’s fucking marbles everywhere and you’ve got to start picking them up sometime.”

You twitched in irritation.

“Remind me, when did you get all sympathetic towards ED? Did I miss something?”

“Nope. Straight up, it’s not that hard to figure out that she's just as wacked out by this as you are, if not more so. Everyone always acts like Ross is so damn perceptive, but it took me exactly five minutes to figure out she’s been having a hard time. Also I’ve been chatting with your sister... and she has some insights about her situation.”

You looked away sharply, muttered under your breath.

“The evil twin strikes again...”

“Sollux, please, for the love of irony, cool ranch doritos and being an asshole, just talk to her on the ride home.”

Strider had a point. You just didn’t want to admit it, and you certainly didn’t want to actually go through with it. But the point was a good one. Logically very sound.

“... Fucking fine. I’ll talk to her.”

She slapped you on the back enthusiastically.

“Excellent work young lady. Now you’re ready to reenter society.”

You didn’t protest, you followed her back to the others silently. Mulling over how you were going to say what you needed to say while still saying as little as possible. It didn’t seem worth mentioning that you’d never really fit into society anyways. It wasn’t like DV didn’t know that.

It wasn’t like she fit in either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dove and Joan get some alone time with our two main dames in the story. I hope I did their characters justice... I'm trying my best. T^T


	49. Easy

**Be Eridan: Easy**

You had no idea what was going on. 

Sol had showed up, looked at you, more specifically at the Joan human, looked furious for a split second and then lost and exhausted. When Joan offered her food, and she left and you didn’t follow her because she just seemed so worn out. Your presence would only make it worse. 

Everyone went sort of quiet after that. But up until then you’d actually been getting along ok with the humans, you and Joan had mostly puzzled out this machine, easily the largest in the lab, and you knew what it did and how to operate it mostly, though not exactly how it worked.

The machine held a stable hole to the veil, a place where the reality of this plane was scooped away to reveal the overlap, the inbetween.

And you could put things in there. Or it seemed like that was the idea. 

When Sol finally returned from the bathroom with Dove, her gaze was downcast, her face twisted in concentration, in frustration. 

Kan had whispered several reassurances in your ear, but looking at her made them hard to believe.

She finally looked up, addressing the group and not you. Which stung for some reason. 

“Hey... so we’re all good here for now. I think we need to be getting home.”

“Of course. I think we all should be, honestly... I long for my own bed.” Ross said.

“Yeah... we should take a minute to chill for a second, we have some time to do that. RS, I’ll be in touch.”

Ross smirked a little, his eyes were warm.

“You always say that.”

“This time I mean it.”

“I hope so. Oh, and before we all head out, Dove and I found more devices to pair to the transportalizer... and we’ve paired them. No we won’t have to drive up here to continue our research on my dad's work and his role in this plot.”

You took the pin band he handed you, it was chunky and obviously very outdated, but you strapped it onto your wrist with a strange feeling rising in your gut. Like excitement, but more warm, more light. It felt a little like a sign of acceptance, like you were being included in something, even if that something was so dumb and doomed to fail it should have been funny. It was a good feeling.

You looked up with a start to find Sol watching you, a crooked little smile playing on her lips. You flushed meeting her eyes, looked away before your face could get anymore purple. 

“ED... KN... you ready to head out?”

“Indeed. You should go collect your things and I will meet you both upstairs.”

“You’ll have to take the scarf and backpack up for us again...”

“I would be glad to do so.”

You unwound your scarf from around your neck and passed it to Kan as Sol retreated again, presumably to get her laptop and whatever else she’d brought with her.

Ross let out a soft sigh. He seemed tired too.

“Well, I think today has been fairly successful at least.”

“Hell yeah, it’s been successful. We’re figuring shit out left and right, following the clues in the spirit of Blue herself. Steve is rolling around proudly in his grave right now.” Dove said turning back to the group after watching Sol walk away.

“Steve’s not dead.” Joan spoke out beside you.

“Uh... yeah he is. You’re telling me you actually bought that whole he went to    
“college” bit? And he never visited Blue once??”

“Ok, but the  _ guy _ isn’t dead. I’m pretty sure.”

“Not sure enough.”

“Look it up then. Don't just go casting doubt on me without backing your claims up.”

“You look it up.”

You glanced at Kan to make sure you weren’t the only one who was lost trying to follow this conversation. He looked completely confused which was something of a relief to you. At least you weren’t alone in not understanding half the shit that came out of their mouths.

Ross interjected into their conversation smoothly.

“Ladies, ladies... You’re both wrong. Steve  _ is _ dead but his ghost is clearly possessing the body of the new guy. He moved into the house long after the events of the original series but became possessed and began acting like Steve, conjuring lie after lie to justify his new lifestyle to himself instead of seeking help.”

Dove folded her arms over her chest.

“Ross, stop ruining everything.”

“Wait... would that make all the other characters ghosts too?” Joan said, clearly puzzled.

“What makes you think the other characters were more than figments of imagination in the first place? He was friends with a talking Salt and Pepper shaker...”

“Might I remind you he could jump into freaking paintings... that’s way weirder than talking to your condiments.”

“What the fuck are you guys talking about?”

Sol had returned with her backpack and handed it Kan as well.

Dove snickered.

“The age old Classic of American television, Blues Clues.”

“Can’t say I watched much of that... Me and MT were more Dragon Tails kids... Since we never had cable. Ever.”

"Eww. You watched PBs?"

You growled in irritation.

“Can you all try an talk about somethin’ real for once instead a borin’ stupid nonsense?”

Ross smirked at you and you hissed softly. You still found him grating to be around and it was hard not to express that even if you weren’t trying to actively antagonize him.

“No... probably not. Are we all ready to head out? I want to lock up the house for the time being.”

Joan looked around and nodded.

“Yeah, I think so. Just have to collect our bags from upstairs.”

“Excellent.”

You all made your way back towards the transportalizer in the middle of the room, and Sol fell into step beside you silently. It was hard not to stiffen at her closeness. You knew you’d fucked up, trying to kiss her like that, it just wasn’t the right time to talk about it yet. But it would be soon. You had a whole two hour drive where she would be totally free to express exactly how fucking pissed she was. You were sure Sol was pissed. You couldn’t even look at her, you were too nervous, ashamed.

Her fingers brushed against your hand and you almost jumped in surprise. You kept walking, you didn’t look. It probably wasn’t intentional.

There was a tug in the back of your mind. Sol trying to get your attention in a way that only she could. You turned to look at her cautiously, the others had reached the pad, had started leaving.

Her fingers brushed against yours again, less gently than before.

“ED...”

“W-what...?”

“... I’m not mad at you.”

Her gaze made you flush and snarl defensively. You hated when she looked at you like that. It was like getting into a bath that was too hot. It made your skin feel like it was about to peel off. 

“W-w-w-what makes you think I thought you w-were mad at me?!”

She laughed.

“That exact fucking reaction.”

You looked away sharply.

“S-screw you... you don’t know anythin’ Sol.”

“I know some things...”

She took your hand and pulled you towards her as you tried to walk away.

“Like that you’ve been stewing in your own misery, thinking I’m pissed at you for the last hour, like we need KN to keep us in check, to stop us from losing it all the time...”

You met her eyes reluctantly, you liked her touch. You liked her. You just didn’t buy that she felt the same.

“... I take it he finally talked to you about bein’ our auspistice then...?”

“Yeah... he explained some shit. And we... definitely need to talk...”

You glared and yanked your hand away. It was just the two of you now.

“You don’t sound like you’re exactly ov-verflowing w-with anticipation Sol...”

She sighed heavily, she looked pained.

“I’m not, but... Look, shit’s gotta get said before it’s too late, regardless of... how I feel about the subject matter. There’s stuff you need to know... uh... about me.”

You stared at her in surprise.

“Like w-what...?”

“Um... I really think we should... wait. To talk about it. At least till we’re in the car, ok?”

Sol’s face had gotten redder, her eyes seemed to be scouring the floor for anything to look at besides your face.

“... Alright then.”

She looked up, the little smirk on her lips made you flush too. 

“Sweet. So are we doing this?”

You remembered belatedly you had to use the transportalizer together for the time being.

“Yeah... come here, dumbass.”

“Hey. What did I do to deserve that insult?”

“You just are one Sol.”

She snickered and followed you the rest of the way to the pad, turning towards you when you stopped just in front of it.

You wrapped your tail around your leg again, and she pressed against you gently, sliding her arms over your shoulders as you wrapped your own around her waist.

“... Fine. I’ll admit, I’ve got a streak of dumbass-ittude, underneath my impressive genius... but I’m working on it, ok?”

You smiled a little as you lifted her off the ground.

“I know, darlin’.”

“I told you not to call me that.” she snapped immediately.

You pouted against her stomach.

“You let me say it earlier...”

“Don’t start pouting. It’s not cute and it's not like I can even see your face like this.”

You pouted harder.

“How do you know I’m fuckin’ poutin’ then?”

“You’re predictable as fuck and this is all besides the point. Let’s just go already so you can put me do-”

You stepped onto the pad without warning and she made a strange noise as you were pulled through space to the other room.

When you stepped off the platform she was limp and panting in your arms.

“... I’m... I’m going...”

You snickered.

“You’re going to w-what Sol?”

“I’m going to get you back for that...”

You hefted her up briefly to swing an arm underneath her legs and carry her lengthwise. Like you had yesterday. You got the impression that she found being carried that way particularly embarrassing and you weren't above using that knowledge to your advantage.

She actually made a squeaky noise when you did and you were immediately charmed.

“Hey! Fuck- don’t- ED! Put me down or I'll get you back for this too!”

You grinned at her with all your teeth.

“How are you gonna get me back if I nev-ver put you down though?”

Sol glared at you venomously, your faces inches apart.

“You are going to put me down.”

“Am I?”

“Right fucking now. Because if you don’t, I’m going to turn you into my living puppet tomorrow and make you flop around like an imbecile for my entertainment all day.”

As strong as you were, Sol probably could do that for at least a few hours. Certainly long enough to be thoroughly irritating and embarrassing.

You returned her glare, considering your options.

“...”

She smirked at your silence, she thought she won.

“What no- ahh!”

You let go of her legs and she clung to you desperately as they fell to the ground. You snickered in delight as she cussed you out, struggling to get her legs back under her.

“You two have a fun relationship.”

Sol finally managed to make it back to her feet, stumbling away from you red faced and annoyed. Spinning around to address Dove who was watching from next to the stairs.

“DV shut your mouth before I install a zipper.”

“Lol what? What good would that do? Everyone else is outside by the way. If you two felt like joining in with the goodbye parade...”

Sol huffed and stood up straighter, looking at her with a gaze you couldn’t decipher.

“In a minute. ED, you should go pee before we leave.”

You blinked in surprise. You probably should honestly, it was a long drive.

You nodded your agreement and started walking towards the bathroom. As you passed Dove she lowered her dark glasses and winked at you. Her pupils were red. 

You hurried into the little room, unsettled by the gesture as much as the unusual eye color. What was with all these humans? You didn’t really know any others, aside from Sai and Tuna, but they were just so weird seeming. You couldn’t figure them out.

When you came out Sol was leaning against the wall tapping on her phone. Messaging someone. Dove appeared to have left the room.

“You ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

“How are we going to do this exactly...? There’s more cars than people who can drive since we have to stay together.”

“W-what do you mean? Kan can drive his an w-we’ll take your piece a shit back...”

Her eyes narrowed and you realized your mistake.

“I thought KN couldn’t drive ED.”

Fuck. Well, no use trying to explain away that one.

“... I mighta... lied about that a little. So you w-wouldn’t throw a tantrum about me drivin’ earlier.”

She sighed, exasperated.

“... ED. Turn around.”

“W-w-what?”

“Turn around.”

You did what she said, confused she wasn’t trying to lecture you about how lying was wrong or something.

Her psionics were suddenly wrapped around the base of your tail and yanking you backwards. You made a noise of surprise, high pitched and squeaky, and she laughed at you.

“Come on then.’

You tried to turn around to get her but she was already moving away, yanking your tail intermittently so you stumbled backwards after her, snarling and hissing in rage.

“Fuck! Sol!! Let me go!”

“I told you I’d get you back...”

“I fuckin’ put you dow-wn though!”

You dug your claws into the doorframe as she tried to pull you after her into the hall. You needed an advantage here, because your body wouldn’t let you move away from the direction she was yanking your tail. It went against your instincts, it was part of your spine. 

“More like dropped me. And you forced me into the transportalizer without warning. And you lied to me, about the dumbest thing ever... but still.”

You let go, tried to spin around as she pulled you to tackle her or something to get her stop. You almost managed it, you were inches away from taking her down, when she jerked your tail towards the ground hard.

You landed on your ass again. It ached and you resisted the urge to cry. Not from pain. But frustration and embarrassment.

You tried to get up but couldn’t, she’d pinned you with the one point that mattered too much for you to risk fighting through the pressure. You hissed furiously as you tried to get up and she laughed.

“Sooooolll!!”

She laughed again and tears actually did spring into your eyes. She was such a fucking adshole.

“Hey... that was the deal ED. You get to mess with me, I get to mess with you.”

“Fuck you....! Let me go an fuckin’ fight me for real you slimy spineless piece a shit!”

She crouched down to meet your eyes, too far away for you to reach her though. Her smirk was infuriating.

“Now why would I do that?”

You’d had just about enough of this. You delved as deep as you could, found the small pool of magic you could still access. 

You snarled, let your growl get as loud as you could.

“Cause I think you’ll apprreciate me more afterw-warrrds.”

You launched two identical cones of power directly at her freaky eyeballs so she reeled backwards, falling on her ass as she lost concentration and her power slacked enough for you to break the connection without hurting yourself.

You pounced, pinned her flat to the ground, something close to a purr rising in your throat.

Sol’s eyes were huge underneath you, her chest was heaving, but she didn’t smell afraid.

“... I - I thought you couldn’t do magic...”

“I said I can  _ barely _ do magic dumbfuck. Doesn’t mean I don’t ave a few tricks up my sleeves.”

You really were purring now. You didn’t really know why and you weren’t sure if you could stop it.

“Clearly... But... so do I.”

You stopped purring. Because she was doing that thing again, where her powers danced just so on your skin and it tickled. You tried to snarl but you were already laughing. Sol was grinning, trying to push you off her as she did, but you weren’t having it. You tightened your grip on her wrists as she squirmed.

“C’mon ED... Let go and I’ll stop!”

“N-n-no..!”

You were laughing so hard it was hard to focus. Sol doubled down, finally managing to shove you off her but you yanked her back down again by one leg as she tried to stand. Spurring another wrestling match. But one that was not at all about hurting each other. It was about tickling each other. 

You had powers too damnit, even though you had never thought to use them this way, it wasn’t hard to do. Hearing Sol’s goofy laugh only made you laugh harder though. It was so dumb sounding it was infectious.

You both gave up at the same time, breathing hard and giggling faintly on top of each other.

She finally lifted herself off your chest enough to meet your eyes.

“Do... do you concede yet...?”

You pressed your fingers into her sides, and she yelped and squirmed. You laughed at her.

“Do you...?”

She glared at you haughtily and sent a burst of power over your sides so you burst into giggles despite yourself.

“Fuck no.”

“So...! So... no w-winner then...?”

Sol’s eyes were warm, soft. You wished you could kiss her. This seemed like the time, but you knew she wasn’t there yet. You’d learned your fucking lesson earlier.

“Yeah... I think I can live with that.”

“Great. Get the fuck off me then.”

She snickered and stood up, offering her hand for you. You took it, not that you needed it, but it was a nice gesture. 

Sol looked suddenly a little embarrassed.

“Did I... I didn’t hurt your tail did I?”

You smirked and shook your head no. It was sore, but not exceedingly so. You flicked it around you and gently smacked the end against her hand as you walked past her towards the door.

“Takes more than that kinda bullshit to hurt me Sol.”

“Fair enough...”

She followed you, stopping you before you got to the door.

“Hey... hold on , let me fix your hair.”

You let her straighten you out, she was careful around your horns, they were still a little sore so you appreciated her gentleness. You looked at hers and it seemed more or less the same as before except for a piece of dust or something stuck in her curls.

“W-wait Sol you got somethin’ in your’s too...”

You turned towards her fully, leaning against her and coming up to your tiptoes to reach it and pull it down from her hair.

Her eyes remained fixed on yours the entire time and a familiar feeling rose in your gut, made your breathing grow shallow. Attraction. 

You wanted her to press you against the door and kiss you senseless. She looked away. The tension snapped so easily it might as well have never been.

Disappointment made you sigh as you pulled away and flicked the lint away. You knew this wasn’t ever going to be easy, but you wanted it to be. You wanted it to be that easy, just a look and a touch and kiss. An instant understanding. Like you and Tav had.

You didn’t bother trying not to frown as she opened the door. You weren’t a particularly smiley demon anyways. 

To her surprise, but not to yours Kan was waiting next to the door with a pleasant smile on his face. He had auspicticing instincts like no one you’d ever met. He’d probably sensed the fight, if you could even call it that, and had come to spy through the door to make sure everything was alright.

The humans were standing on the other side of the door panel, looking away with painfully fake nonchalance. Presumably they’d been spying too.

Sol looked like she was about to throw a fit about it but you brushed past her quickly with a soft growl.

“Did you nosy assholes enjoy the show-w?”

Kan beamed at you. He looked insanely pleased.

“I did... It was a wonderful example of what a balanced relationship can look like. Not necessarily free from conflict but free from the expectation that there must always be a winner. You can have the pleasure of testing boundaries without needing to cross lines to prove your superiority.”

You snickered. Sol looked so red with embarrassment and anger the humans were trying to back away before she started in on them.

“Yeah, fuckin’ w-wonderful. Are we ready to go then?”

“I am... I believe Ross just needed to lock up the house.”

Sol let out a noise that was almost a hiss, marched forward, grabbed your hand and started pulling you towards her car. You didn’t resist.

“Great. I’ll talk to you jerks later if I ever decide to forgive you. KN, next time you do your checking in thing, keep the fucking peeping toms out of the picture.”

“Ah of course. Would you like your backpack back?”

She turned around briefly and literally yanked it from his hand with her psionics and dragged it towards her. You caught it, decided it wasn’t worth the effort to get your scarf from him. You trusted him to take care of it for the time being.

You waved awkwardly with Sol’s backpack.

“Bye humans... Kan...”

Joan waved back at you with her gap-toothed smile, but both Dove and Ross seemed to be too busy trying to stifle fits of laughter. Kan blew you a kiss as Sol yanked the door open for you and you climbed in holding her bag in her lap.

She leaned in the doorway for a moment, breathing hard with her distress.

“Sol...”

“... I’m going to fucking kill them...” she muttered softly.

You reached out and brushed your fingers against her arm.

“They were just curious probably... I’m not sayin’ it w-wasn’t fuckin’ intrusive... but y’know... it wasn’t like one a em couldn’t ave w-walked in on us while we w-were fightin’ anyw-ways...”

Sol laughed suddenly, like she couldn’t even believe what had happened.

“I yanked you around by the tail and we tickled each other... it’s not... Yeah. Whatever... You’re right it’s not a big deal.”

“Really...?”

She laughed again.

“Yeah... really. Let’s go home though... I’m... fucking ready to go home.”

You smiled at her a little.

“Me too.”

“Kay. Watch your head ED.”

She shut the door for you and walked around to the other side of the car, pulling her keys out of her pocket. You tucked her backpack into the backseat and buckled in as she got in and started the car, plugging her phone into the little cord that led to her outdated stereo.

Sol put something on, something much more electronic and thumpy than the music you liked to listen to usually and turned the volume down low before she backed out of her spot. Sol pulled out and stopped in front of the door where the others still stood.

“Roll down your window for me?”

You manually cranked your window down halfway, and she leaned over you to yell out the window.

“Hey losers!”

They all turned to look while you tried not to look at her soft little breasts hanging in front of your face like you wanted to touch them. You did though. They looked cute and would be fun to play with if you ever got the chance.

“... I forgive you for violating my fucking privacy! This time!”

She pulled back and back into her seat, buckling up as the humans grinned waved at you both. She flipped them off without looking and shifted back into drive, started pulling out the driveway.

You left the window open as she crawled down the hill. You watched the trees slide by out the window, enjoying the comfortable silence between you. Enjoying her quiet, beat heavy music.

You wondered what she was going to tell you now it was just the two of you.

You wondered if it was a safe conversation to have... given the turmoil of the day.

You wondered if it would ever just be easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize this singular day has been like a zillion years long in written time, but there's just a lot going on and it's hard to squish it all together. I write with my heart not with my brain. So long winded-ness is such a thing for me.


	50. Live With It

**Be Sollux: Live With It**

It was hard to just start talking. ED was obviously waiting for you to, but you couldn’t really think of an opening line for your spiel.

You didn’t say a single word to each other till you stopped to get gas in the little town you drove through earlier. You also were in desperate need of something heavily caffeinated, and you popped into the little mart to grab an energy drink while she waited in the car. You got her a can of Cherry 7up. You didn’t think ED would be able to handle caffeine, or at least you didn’t want to find out if she could or not, but she liked sugary shit a lot. A lot, a lot. And it seemed like a better ice breaker than nothing.

When you handed her the can she inspected it with wide eyes, jumping a little at the hiss and crack when you opened it for her.

“W-what the fuck is this...”

“It’s called a soda. It’s sweet but-”

She was already taking a drink before you could warn her about the carbonation.

You tried, and failed, not to laugh as she coughed and spluttered in shock.

“Ugh! W-what’s w-wrong with it?!... It’s all...?!” 

“I was trying to tell you. It’s supposed to be like that, it’s called carbonation. It makes it bubbly.”

“The fuck..?!.W-why though?”

“Uh... I have no idea it’s just something we like to drink I guess. We humans like it when our beverages are a little angry on the tongue.”

“It’s so loud...”

She sniffed it, then licked some the soda that had splashed on the top of the can. You were struck with a strong desire to run back in and get her pop-rocks. You couldn’t though, it’d probably make her cry. You’d work up to it.

“... It tastes... good? Kinda fuckin’ w-weird though... like it’s tryin’ to be somethin’ it ain’t...”

“Welcome to the world of artificial flavoring ED. It’s a wide wide world.”

She took a cautious sip, squeezed her eyes shut as she swallowed it.

You snickered at her little gasp, the way her tail was starting to stiffen besides her. Not as stiff as when she discovered doughnuts, but close.

“You good there?”

“... I think... I think I fuckin’ like it...”

You grinned and started the car again, taking a long drink of your monster. Tasted like ass but it got the job done.

“Yeah... color me surprised...”

“W-what’s yours?”

“It’s called a energy drink... has the same stuff as coffee. Helps me stay awake.”

“Gross... I honestly can figure out w-why you drink that nasty smellin’ shit.”

“When I was a kid I thought it smelled bad too. But... taste buds change, you start appreciating different flavors uh...” You were going to say “when you grow up” but that seemed sort of insensitive to ED’s state of existence. She never grew up.

“... with experience. And there’s an addiction element to it... chemical dependence. Same thing with sugar though.”

She took another sip of her drink.

“Hmm... I’m ok w-with bein’ addicted ta sugar... I been addicted to w-worse.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“Oh?”

“W-we ave drugs too, y’aknow. The most common one is this stuff called Sopor. Makes you feel funny an relaxed... but it ain’t good for you... Mostly cause... it stops hunger. There’s a real problem w-with demons dyin’ from starvation cause eatin’ is aw-wful an Sopor is tastier than food, but it ain’t a replacement. It w-won’t sustain you forev-ver even though it tastes okay..”

“Jesus... were you addicted to that?”

“For a little bit... Um. My last partner... talked me outta usin’ it so much.”

The rock was back in your stomach. You took a deep breath.

“I know their name. It’s Tavros, right?”

ED nodded, her expression caught between sadness and irritation.

“... Yeah. I assume Kan talked to you about them then...”

“A little bit. We mostly... talked about me. And my fucking issues.”

“... Are you gonna talk to me about them? Your issues, I mean...”

Your hands tightened on the steering wheel.

“I’m going to try.”

“W-well...? Spill it then.”

“Shit ED, let me get my thoughts together first.” you snapped.

“I thought that’s w-what you were doin’ this w-whole time. You’ve had like a w-whole fuckin’ hour to collect your thoughts, if they ain’t collected by now I don’t know w-what to fuckin’ tell you.”

You let out a hard, sharp breath.

“This isn’t really stuff I make a fucking habit of talking about, ok?! It’s... it’s shit that I... I have a hard time... I don’t know. This situation makes it impossible to avoid but... it turns out I haven’t really come to terms with a lot of this yet. Apparently.”

“Sol, I ave no idea w-what you’re talkin’ about... Are you just gonna vaguely describe a fuckin’ problem you’re avin’ for the rest a this trip? Cause if so, I’d rather you just didn’t bother.”

You resisted the urge to bang your head on the wheel in frustration. 

“Do me a fucking favor ED. Call KN so he can keep me from losing my shit while I wade through the dumpster fire that is this conversation.”

She huffed and rolled her eyes, but pulled her phone out of her purse, which had somehow reappeared. You wondered what the explanation for that was.

“Alright... hold on...”

You were getting back on the highway when he picked up the call. ED put it on speaker without you having to ask, which you appreciated. She put her phone, half uncurled in the cupholder between you as she drank the last of her soda.

“Hello? Are you two doing alright?”

“No, Sol’s tryin’ to tell me somethin’ but she’s bein’ a baby about it-”

“Fuck off ED. KN I need you to keep this on track because it’s just going to turn into a insult parade otherwise. Not that it hasn’t already been one.”

“Ah, I see. I presume you are trying to tell Eridan something that is hard for you to admit?”

“Yeah... can you just stay on the line while I try to get through this?”

“Of course. Thank you for reaching out.”

You smiled a little.

“You shouldn’t be thanking me... but ok.”

You took another deep breath, found your center. You could do this. Other people talked about this kind of thing all the time. You were rusty and inexperienced. Really rusty, and really, really inexperienced, but otherwise perfectly capable of talking about your feelings.

ED watched you avidly, and you fixed your eyes on the road. The anxiety that was making your palms sweat against the steering wheel was normal and you should just ignore it. Everyone else did all the time.

“I got jealous.”

You felt her eyes on you widening, you saw her brow furrow sharply in your peripheral vision.

“W-wait... w-what...?”

You tried to breath normally, but it was coming out shallow and rough. Holy shit your anxiety was bad. Your heart was thundering and your back was getting sweaty against the seat. You hated this.

“Apparently... it’s the whole reason I started that shitty fight earlier... because I got jealous of... Tavros... and the fact that you still clearly have fucking feelings for them, even though we’re in a goddamn arranged marriage that I didn’t want or ask for, and I shouldn’t even care. I got jealous and pissed at KN for poking his nose in our business and yelled at him. I got jealous and pissed at JN for touching you on the arm earlier and I got jealous and pissed at DV... because she said some... shit, implying she found you attractive. Probably specifically to tick me off but whatever.”

Your voice was coming out sharp and clipped. You stared straight ahead, tried to breath. Her eyes were boring into you. You were scared to look directly into them

“So. Yeah... I’ve been a little out of control, emotionally speaking... and I was already... fucking paranoid, but it’s been worse than usual, and yeah... now you know. Now you know why I’ve been such a psycho bag of dicks all day.”

“... Sol...”

“... What?”

“Is that really it...?”

“For fucks sake... Yeah, it is ED. That’s it.”

“That’s all you w-wanted to tell me? That you happened to get jealous a my ex, w-who you just found out about, an basically ev-veryone else around me for no fuckin’ reason? Unless that’s really w-what you think a me?! You think I’d jump ship at the drop of a hat!”

She sounded so, so angry. You shot her a quick glance and immediately got smacked full face with guilt. ED wasn’t just pissed, she was hurt. You hurt her feelings. You couldn’t think of how to unhurt them.

“Fuck, w-what did I do?! W-what more do I ave to say to make you fuckin’ trust me, Sol?! What the-”

Kanaya’ s voice cut her off suddenly from the phone..

“Eridan! Take a deep breath for me please... ”

She took a sharp ragged breath, then another.

“Thank you. Do you feel better?”

“... Y-yes...”

She still sounded so upset. 

“ED... This is my problem, it has jack to do with what you did or didn’t do or say, ok?”

“Oh, really?!”

“Yeah, fucking really.”

She snorted a disbelieving laugh and folded her arms over her chest.

“... So I take it I’m just supposed ta beliv-ve you’ve alw-ways been a jealous creep then?”

You didn’t respond, because well. It wouldn’t have been pretty.

“Must be fuckin’ rough... bein’ that shitty all the time. No w-wonder you didn’t ave a fuckin’ partner w-when I show-wed up.”

“Eridan...” KN’s voice held a warning but you were to focused on her, how perfectly she managed to jab you right where you were the most sensitive, every fucking time.

“Get your head out your ass and smell the roses you self absorbed brat. Not everything is about you, ED. Sometimes, a problem I have is just a fucking problem I have. Just because you happen to be here, throwing tantrums for my attention 24/7 does not make everything about  _ you! _ ”

“Sollu-”

She snarled at you interrupting his attempt to tell you off.

“I’ve been throwin’ tantrums?! W-what’s this then Sol?! You losin’ it ov-ver other humans lookin’ at me, isn’t a fuckin’ tantrum?!”

“Excuse me-” KN tried again but you both ignored him.

“That was in the past tense, as in... the past!”

“The past, as in... a couple a hours ago! But fine. If that’s how you feel, I’ll just tell the Dove human you don’t care anymore an go fuck around with her for a bit since you’re totally done w-with me an I apparently need constant fuckin’ attention!”

Driving when you were this pissed was really difficult. You could barely process your surroundings, you could barely think. Thinking was bad though, thinking was what was causing the lightning flash images of ED glued face to face with your friends and random demons to appear behind your eyelids.

You laughed. Cruel and short. 

“What? You actually expect me to believe you’re interested in her? You think DV’s the most annoying creature to walk the Earth. ”

She sneered violently.

“That’d actually be you, asshole. Honestly, though! I don’t know w-what Scratch w-was thinkin’, I mean, you’re clearly crawlin’ w-with potential mates already... there’s no room for me ta get a piece a your stunning intellect an perfect body. You don’t ave time for all the humans tryin’ ta ride your bulge, least a all for fuckin’ me!”

“Wow...! Screw you! Fuck you!”

“No, Sol! Fuck you! Stop fuckin’ pretendin’ like you’re really this aw-wful piece a rottin’ shit! Stop tryin’ to conv-vince me, cause it’s not gonna w-work, an just tell me w-why you’re so fuckin’ scared already!” 

“If you could both just-” KN sounded exasperated but you were too far gone.

“I’m not fucking thcared!”

She smirked at you cruelly.

“Lispin’ like that means you’re scared.”

“Arrgh! You- You’re thuch a fucking bitch ED! Why can’t you jutht accept that I suck and be done with it!”

ED snarled in a way that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

“Because you w-wouldn’t feel guilty about it otherwise you foulmouthed idiot! If you didn’t feel bad about it, you would suck all kinds a nasty shit, but you clearly fuckin’ do! You ain’t foolin’ anyone, Sol! Least a all me! So for the lov-ve a fuckin’ god, Knock it the FUCK OFF already!!”

It was silent for a long moment. The air was so thick it was hard to breath.

“... Sollux take the next exit and find a safe place to park.” KN’s voice was firm but not angry.

Even though you’d both effectively ignored him for the last ten minutes in favor of yelling at each other. 

You pulled into the next exit, mouth shut tight to stop yourself from saying something insane. You drove into a Wendy’s parking lot and parked the car.

You were trembling, you couldn’t talk even if you wanted to.

“Are you parked?”

“... Yeah, Kan. W-we’re parked.” 

ED’s voice was so small.

“You both have said some very hurtful things to each other.”

You nodded and then, realizing he wasn’t around to see the gesture, managed to force a strangled little “yeah.” out of your throat. ED nodded too, fidgeting with her rings intently.

“If you wish to move forward and have an actual conversation, you both need to apologize to each other. Sincerely, I might add.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, looked away and then back at her.

“... I’m sorry-”

You both said it at the same time. 

“Sol-”

“ED-”

You both fell back into awkward silence, looking at anything but each other. You cleared your throat to try again.

“ED I’m sorry... I’ve been being a real... unconscionable fucking asshole today too.”

You saw the way the corners of her mouth twitched upwards even though she was staring at her hands. It bolstered you, brought a sliver of warmth back to your chest.

“... I didn’t mean to... hurt your feelings, or imply that the way I’ve been feeling is your fault. Because it really, really isn’t... it’s just this shitty horrible thing that I have to deal with. And I haven’t really tried to deal before, because it makes me feel like an even shittier person than I already... fucking feel like most days. It sucks to talk about and... I took that out on you. I’m sorry.”

“Finally takin’ somethin’ out on me, huh?”

You sighed.

“Yeah... I guess so...”

“Good. It’s about fuckin’ time. An I’m sorry too Sol... I aven’t been... v-very good at listenin’ to you or makin’ you feel comfortable or bein’ ev-ven remotely fuckin’ nice to you... An it’s true, I do make things about me, an I w-will most anythin’ for attention... those are fair fuckin’ assessments a my character an I can’t blame you for noticin’.”

You smirked a little, despite how serious this conversation was. ED admitting she was a attention whore was pretty great.

“... I just...! I don’t w-w-want you to think I ain’t serious about this. An I don’t know how to prov-ve it to you, an make you feel... secure... It’s kinda fuckin’ beyond me since I can’t claim to be stronger than you an sw-wear to keep you safe. To make you mine.”

You flushed and looked away for a moment to try and compose yourself. You didn’t know what “make you mine” meant from a demon’s perspective but it sounded heavy and charged enough with your understanding of the words.

“I really don’t... think that’s your responsibility. And I don’t think I’m ready for that anyways. I’m not ready for any of this shit basically. I don’t even-! I don’t even know how to fuckin’ talk about it.”

“Sol... please... I’m tryin’... I’m tryin’ not to shut you out... cause you asked me to, but you can’t fuckin’ turn around an pull the same bullshit on me... It ain’t fuckin’ fair. It’s not fair.”

Her voice was pleading again. It made your throat feel tight.

“... I know... and I'm sorry. I can’t- I want to be over it... but I’m just... not.”

“Over w-what?”

You took a shaky breath, you were vibrating with anxiety.

“... Amelia and Kerr, and fucking Jathmine... I had relationships too... before... you. Last one... was... six- seven... months ago. I think. When it ended. I didn’t know, those guys... at the time. She... cheated on me, they all did. I think because- because I didn’t tell them about... my powers or my family... or about anything real basically. I just kept it all in and maybe it made them... feel like I didn’t care about them, or something like that. Maybe they thought I wasn’t serious, or... I don’t know. I don’t fucking know ED.”

Her big yellow eyes were soft, but they weren’t full of pity. You took another shaky breath, picking up steam. She didn’t pity you, and that was a bigger relief than you could have anticipated.

“It turns out, people stop liking a mystery when they’re dating it. It turns out, it just pisses people off when they figure out you’re not telling them everything, and then they get resentful and then they start messing around with people who aren’t you. And then when you find out it’s always in the worst possible way and even if you try to patch things up afterwards it just never stops fucking hurting and they do it again and you want to- you just want to be done. You want to hide away for the rest of your fucking life. Because what’s the point? What is the goddamn _point_?”

“... I don’t know Sol. I don’t know w-what the point a... carin’ about someone else like that is... cause it alw-ways ends in fuckin’ pain. I’ve only had relationships for selfish reasons... cause it feels good to be able to provide somethin’ an get somethin’ back from someone, an maybe that makes me a bad person, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t care about them, an it doesn’t mean it didn’t fuckin’ hurt at the end. An... there’s alw-ways gonna be an end ta ev-very relationship... whether by infidelity, or fuckin’ death, or just cause. It’s part a it. It’s a risk w-we all take know-win’ly... so honestly, I don’t know w-what the fuckin’ point a it is... but I still w-want it anyways. I alw-ways fuckin’ ave.”

ED’s big yellow eyes were burning with intensity. You couldn’t have looked away even if you wanted to, but you didn’t want to. You wanted her to burn right through you to the other side.

“I want it too... I do. But I... I’m really fucking thcared..!”

Your voice cracked sharply on the last word, the slimy sick disgusting part of yourself rising into your throat, choking you from the inside.

“... So-! Tho freaking... what if this is just how I am now?! And I just... c-can’t keep it in check and I keep lashing out like I did at KN and you and even at DV...! What if I hurt someone?! I already hurt you! I don’t... want to fucking be like this. And it doesn’t even make sense, it’s not like we're even together-”

You stopped abruptly, ED had looked away sharply, she was worrying at her bottom lip.

“... I- I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine Sol.” Her voice was sharp. Clipped.

“ED I didn’t-”

“You did. An it’s true... w-we aren’t together. I know w-we aren’t... it’s just w-with everythin’ that’s been happenin’ with the soul bond an the memory sharin’ an the fightin’... it’s started to kinda... feel like we are. But... you ain’t there yet... an that’s fine. You don’t ev-ver ave to feel that way about me... it’s somethin’ you get to decide for yourself. An there’s...time, so much time for us to figure this out. How w-we feel about each other.”

An ache in your gut appeared, lingered. You weren’t dating, you weren’t in any kind of relationship really, but still. You felt something for her. You couldn’t ignore that anymore.

“... I care about you.”

She gave you a small sad smile.

“I know you do. But that don’t mean you... lov-ve me or that w-we’re a couple, Sol. Those things ain’t mutually exclusiv-ve ya’know?”

Another ache. You didn’t love her. It was true.

“... Do you... do you love me?”

She frowned, her brows knitted together in concentration.

“... I don’t know... I don’t know w-w-what that means anymore... I c-can’t... pin it down. I’ve been changin’ so fuckin’ much... I’m becomin’ more like how I used to be, an maybe... like I nev-ver was, an it’s only been a w-week Sol. I d-don’t even know w-who I’ll be an how I’ll feel in another.”

“Then... why did you try to kiss me...?”

She flushed a little, her expression incredibly, painfully guilty.

“I don’t know... you just... made me feel so good. W-when you said you trusted me I- I just reacted an then I - I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I know I shouldn’t ave...”

“It’s ok, it’s... it’s not like I don’t... feel anything like that for you. I mean, my raging jealous mood swings are fucking proof that even I can’t deny. I... I have a little bit of a- a thing for you.”

Her pupils expanded violently, her mouth went a little slack.

“You do?”

You grimaced, your face heating up even more.

“... Yeah. Little bit. KN beat it out of me earlier. After we... um. Look I wouldn’t even call it a crush so just... it’s not serious. I don’t- don’t... It’s not fucking serious, ok?”

How could her eyes get even bigger?

“You like me...”

You looked away, irritation making you scowl.

“ED...”

“You fuckin’  _ like _ me.”

You could hear the smirk in her voice, the satisfaction in her tone. You didn’t need to look and didn’t dare to since your face was currently holding all the blood in your body hostage.

“As-! As kind of a friend and a- a _potential_! _Po-tential_ romantic partner, _just_ _maybe_! As in you have such a crazy long shot that you basically have no real chance of making it, it’s that fucking long! Sure! I like you. But not that much... Christ.”

“Soool...”

“What?!”

“... I’m so happy.”

You hazarded a glance at her, and she really was. Her cheeks were flushed and she was smiling at you in a distinctly non-threatening way you’d never seen before. You couldn’t help your stare. There was no anger, or fear, no assertion of her strength or power, no cynicism in her expression. She was just happy.

“... G- good.”

The violet in her cheeks bloomed and she looked down sharply, playing with her rings.

“I - I w-w-wanna... C-can I hug you?”

She met your eyes again, your heart did a weird little flip.

“I... uh. Yeah.”

ED unbuckled her seat belt and reached for you, she drew her knees onto the seat so she could, and you leaned towards her too. Wrapped your arms around her waist and drew her closer as she nuzzled her face against the top of your shoulder.

“Sol... it’s ok if you get jealous sometimes...”

You squeezed her closer, bile rising back in your throat.

It wasn’t ok. You were a terrible person. You knew that. You shouldn’t even get to consider having someone by your side if you couldn’t stop yourself from wanting to kill anyone who looked at them funny. If you couldn’t stop yourself from wanting to lock them away and keep them hidden and untouched just for you. It was fucked up and it was cowardly and you knew that.

“You can be as possessive as you w-want... you can mark me as yours... w-whatever you need, whatever you w-w-want Sol... It’s ok. I’ll be here. I ain’t goin’ anyw-where.”

You took a shaky breath. The pressure of her body against yours was comforting. You didn’t deserve it even a little bit. You breathed a soft laugh into her hair.

“Mark you...? I’m scared to ask what that means...”

“It can be anythin’ really... w-whatev-ver you want. You could give me a scar, or somethin’ to w-wear or tag my horns or leash me-”

You almost choked on your own tongue, pushed her away a little so you could meet her eyes.

“Leash y-you?! Wha- what the shit are you talking about?!”

She cocked her head, unphased.

“Yeah, or just a collar. Or I guess... you could use your psionics to keep me attached to you...”   


You grimaced and flushed. Her nonchalance about literally chaining herself to you to stop your jealousy made you feel that much more insane. You were already attached at the fucking soul, how much more ridiculous could you get.

“Yeah, no. Not doing any of that ED.”

“Not ev-ven givin’ me somethin’ to w-wear?”

“Uh... well, maybe... Y’know what, no. No, fuck no, I have to get over this. Me. I can’t... I don’t want to be like that, that... possessive of you. I don’t have any fucking right to be.”

She frowned sharply, reaching one hand up to rub against the short hair on the side of your head. Her cool fingers against your scalp felt nice, you leaned into the touch despite feeling scummy for doing so.

“Sol... it ain't necessarily bad to _ be _ possessive though... It’s pretty fuckin’ normal for demons ta mark each other as territory, even platonically. It’s normal, w-wantin’ to ave that sense a ownin’ or belongin’ ta someone. It’s not a problem to me, even if you get jealous from time to time, as long as you ain’t seriously thinkin’ I’m lookin’ at anyone else. Cause I’m not, Sol. Not ev-ven at Tav. I’m sad about losin’ them an I’m sad that I... fucked up so hard on the w-whole keepin em safe front but... I ain’t playin’ around w-with you. I promise.”

You nodded slowly, unable to meet her eyes. The stone weighed heavily in your stomach. She had a nickname for them. Of course she did, they were together for thirteen goddamn years. Shit on a stick you still felt threatened by this demon's existence. By the fact they had ever been involved with ED.

ED sighed heavily and flicked your forehead to get your attention.

“Ow...! Hey-!”

She growled softly.

“Shut up an hear me out, you fuckin’ idiot!”

Your eyes widened violently, the fierceness in her eyes held you in place.

“W-whenever you start to feel like... anyone is gettin’ too close ta me or I’m thinkin’ about someone else like I w-wanna be with them an not w-with you, do w-what you did to get my attention earlier.”

You frowned for a second, unsure of exactly what she was talking about, since you had done an awful lot of shit to get her attention in the last five hours. So much shit. You would have been embarrassed but at the moment you were just... you didn’t care. You just wanted to stop feeling like week old garbage at the bottom of the bin, rotting away.

“You mean this?”

You tugged on the bond, the sensation of it on your mind, and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards, her eyelids lowering slightly.

“Yeah, that. An then...”

There was a soft tug in the back of your mind, ED pulling back, and a wave of comfort washed over you. Oh.

“... I’ll do it back. See?”

You tugged again and she responded immediately, your eyes lowering instinctively with calm. She was there, always right there. You sighed softly with relief, and she smirked at you, her eyes bright.

“... Does that make you feel a little better Sol?”

You shook your head with a wry smile. 

“... Yeah. It kinda does...”

You were such a fucking idiot sometimes. You could always, always get ED to look at you, to respond to you, because you had this. You and no one else.

ED gave you a fond look. Affectionate even.

“There, you’ll be fine then... Dumbass.”

You straightened your chin and met her challenge.

“Needy bitch.”

Her eyes narrowed.

“Stubborn prick.”

“Attention whore.”

Her nose flared slightly, her arms were still around your neck and you were both grinning at each other. 

“Obliv-vious egotistical asshole.” She hissed.

“... Ice princess.”

That caught her off guard she flushed, her mouth parted slightly before she scowled.

“Y-you said I w-wasn’t-”

“I changed my mind.”

“I am not!”

“Yeah... you are. You’re stuck up, cold hearted, spoiled and desperate for any lick of attention you can get. That makes you... a fucking ice princess.”

She growled at you and you laughed.

“At least  _ I’m _ a fuckin’  _ princess _ . You’re just some lowly scourge moppin’ my palace an gettin’ kicked around for avin’ a smart mouth an shit for brains.”

“You’re one mean fucking princess ED...”

“So? That’s the w-whole point a bein’ a princess. You get ta liv-ve in complete fuckin’ luxury an you can be as generous or as cruel as you fuckin’ w-want to w-whoever, an nobody can do shit about it.”

“You’ve really given this some thought... the lowly scourge is impressed.”

“Shut up Sol. You-”

“AHEM.”

You both startled apart, realizing that Kanaya was still on the line, and had been the whole time.

“So... I take it this disagreement has been resolved?”

You flushed. ED had a way of distracting you so totally from your surroundings, becoming the only thing you could focus on. It kind of pissed you off. What made her so special?

She slid back into her seat with a little huff.

“I suppose so... Sol, you doin’ ok now?”

“Yeah, I think we’re good. Thanks KN, for sticking around... sorry we got... off track there for a minute. And that we ignored you a lot earlier.”

“It is alright. It is actually a very good sign you two are so drawn to each other. I’m glad too that you needed so little prompting from me to show compassion and listen to each other. I’m very proud of both of you.”

“... Gee, thanks Kan...” ED said, her embarrassment clear in her face and her voice.

“Eridan, do not be embarrassed by your growth, take pride in it... but on that note I suggest you both try to keep to lighter topics for the rest of your drive home, I think the two of you have pushed enough boundaries for one day. It is important to remember to rest in these situations as well.”

You groaned. You still had to drive home. You had like a whole other hour of driving to get through before you got home.

“Are you alright Sollux?”

“... I’m fine... I just want to be able to teleport already. But yeah, you’re right... I don’t know about you ED, but I’m fucking beat to shit emotionally after today... Let’s get this over with so we can actually rest... Thanks for everything KN.”

“It was my pleasure. Please drive safely, and I’ll see you when we arrive home.”

“Bye Kan. Lov-ve you.”

“I love you too. Goodbye.”

The call clicked off and you sighed as ED coaxed her phone out of the cupholder and stroked it’s spiny exo-skeleton as it curled back up in her hand. She was being so gentle with it, a far cry from how she handled her phone when you first met. She really was changing, and changing fast, probably too fast for her to really even make heads or tails of it.

You watched her tuck it back into her purse with a strange feeling in your gut. Somewhere, underneath all her unchecked bluster and pride and aggression and carelessness there was someone who wasn’t so bad. Who was kind of sweet, and weirdly charming ,even when she was being a needy bitch. Someone you kind of liked. Who made you feel a little less like an irredeemable piece of shit.

She met your eyes suddenly, startling you out of your thoughts.

“Sol? Are w-we goin’ or w-what?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and started the car again. It started on the first try which you were eternally grateful for.

“Yeah. But first... Wendy’s. I need a motherfucking frosty and some fries to dip in it.”

“W-what’s a frosty...?”

You chugged the last remnants of you Monster and threw the can in the backseat.

“Something else for your tail to get all twitchy over...”

“It’s sweet? Sol... I w-want one. You’re gonna get me one too, right?”

You laughed and pulled forward out of your spot into the drive thru.

“That... depends entirely on whether you can ask nicely.”

“I can ask nicely!”

You snorted.

“Uh huh.”

She frowned, brow furrowed for a second before she leaned towards you and kneaded her claws into the battered armrest with pleading eyes.

“... Soool... w-will you please get me a frosty? Pleeaaaase?”

“Without whining at me.”

“Sooooooooooollll....”

“You’re still whining.”

ED huffed and grumbled for a bit before she managed to spit it out, venom in every word.

“.... W-will you get me a fuckin’ frosty thing please an thank you?”

You snickered and she glared.

“I’m docking points for your shit attitude but... close enough. Yeah, I’ll get you one.”

“... Asshole.”

You raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything more. She seemed fairly annoyed, up until the point she got the ice cream, and her eyes got huge and sparkly with excitement and her tail stiffened upwards and vibrated against the window as she ate it.

She liked the fries too. She seemed a little caught off guard by the way you dipped your fries into the ice cream as you drove, but she liked it well enough when she tried it.

The rest of the ride home was almost relaxing, and kind of fun. Just talking about dumb shit with ED, nothing heavy, or grim or painfully personal. You had the thought that maybe you could be friends, close friends, soulmate friends. The idea seemed so reasonable after everything that had happened today.

But her kiss still lingered on your palm, and you knew what that meant.

You knew exactly what that meant, even if you weren’t sure what the hell there was to do about it except leaving it be. Except embracing the chaos that was her presence in your life and letting the shit hit the fan and seeing what stuck to the wall afterwards. Waiting to see if whatever was between you would grow or wither and die. It was a scary fucking prospect, but not half as scary to you as the HD rendered split second jealousy fantasies your brain had supplied you with earlier. Which was fucking telling.

But you couldn’t even claim to be surprised. You guessed, in some subconscious way, you already knew what your choice was from the beginning. You just had to figure out how to live with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh notes, notes...  
> Our intrepid young ladies try to get it together and actually succeed?


	51. For Better Or For Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW:bullying TW: mentions of minor character death TW: racism TW: alcoholism

**Be Ross: For Better Or For Worse**

You uncorked the bottle of wine you’d been nursing by your fridge. You held the bottle in your hand for what felt like hours. Trying to decide what to do with it. Trying to find some strength in yourself, a backbone instead of the wisps of smoke that seemed to be holding your body upright now, carrying you from room to room like a specter in this house. The one he bought for you.

Your phone went off on the counter.

Joan was calling you.

You let it go to voicemail.

She called again, the texts from Dove grew longer as the notifications dragged down. Sollux had texted you. Kanaya had texted you. Mituna even. Jade had called, and called too.

How long had you been home now?

You looked at the time as the call went to voicemail again. It was almost midnight.

You could feel the pull of the veil, the shifting whispers of the things that lay in it and beyond it, the far off sonorous rumblings of creatures unfathomably vast and older than time itself underneath it all. It was never quiet, never silent. The moment you’d realized that your dreams were not just figments of your imagination, you couldn’t stop hearing them. It made you want to scream.

You realized with a start someone was yelling your name outside. Had been for a while.

Someone was breaking into your house, or trying too. They were trying to break down the door, the wards you had placed were activating, you pulled a needle out of your jeans, either unwilling or incapable of letting go of the bottle to grasp the other as you walked to the front door.

You could hear voices now see distorted figures through the bubbled glasses on the door.

“He’s still not answering. Guys I’m fucking worried, he won’t pick up.”

Joan. You closed your eyes.

“ROSS YOU BIG DUMB-DUMB OPEN UP OR WE’RE UNLEASHING OUR RESIDENT PSYCHIC ON YOU! Ack! Bitchtits my throat hurts... ROSS MY THROAT HURTS!”

Dove bellowing as much as her tiny frame would allow.

“I’m really not sure I can get in... raw power is one thing, but there’s magic spells all over this bitch and for the last fucking time, I don’t do magic.”

Sollux, annoyed, her lisp trailing the S sounds out slightly longer. Which meant...

“Kan, you can open the fuckin’ w-wards, you just need the key.”

Demons. Eridan Ampora, raspy and aggressive.

“Eridan, please be less vague, I’m not as well versed in this as you are.”

Kanaya Maryam, the careful, intentional way he spoke. 

“The rune a w-whatever he v-values most... W-what does a cryptic witchy jerk care about? Besides bein’ a fuckin’ jerk?”

“Jesus ED. Be nice. And uh... he values... Shit, any ideas?”

“He values friendship, you ding dongs.”

Jade. Not from a speaker. In person, Jade standing outside your door.

You managed to lift your hand, to draw the rune for friend in the air with the tip of your needle.

They all burst in at once, Kanaya barely squeezing under the door frame with his horns, Joan pulling you into a hug, Dove sliping between you and Joan easily to get a piece of it. Jade waiting right behind them watching you with a smile on his golden face.

Standing there in a green t-shirt and cargo shorts, shaggy brown hair flowing out behind him almost to his waist and scraggly patchy facial hair. You’d never seen him in person before. He was taller than you thought he was but still shorter than you. Of course he was.

You squeezed them back as you managed to force the words out of your throat.

“How did you get here?”

“Kanaya came and got me, he brought one of the pin bracelets for me and took me to your Dad’s place and then we went from there to here to come see you. We figured you could use some company.”

“Oh...”

You glanced at Kanaya and he flushed slightly and looked away.

The other two let go of you and you went to hug him, your best friend, who you’d never once been this close too.

He hugged you back and you sobbed. You needed someone to take this fucking bottle away from you before you dropped it and made a mess that you didn’t fancy cleaning up.

As if he read your thoughts, Kanaya tugged it out of your hand wrapped around Jades back.

“Shall I dispose of this for you?”

“Yes, please.”

You buried your head back into Jades shoulder as he held you, the others moving into your house proper.

You pulled your head away for a brief moment to yell at the others.

“T-take off your shoes!”

You heard muttering and the shuffle of people trying to extract themselves of their footwear.

“Jade... I’m so sorry I didn’t answer...”

“It’s alright... We’ll always be here. Even if you can’t respond, we’ll come find you. That’s what friends are for. And we are best friends Ross, so that’s like a mega promise.”

“We are. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I’m so glad I’m here too.”

You pulled away and wiped at your eyes with the back of your hand.

“I’m sorry it had to be under these circumstances though... I really am. I know how much your Dad meant to you...”

You let out a rough dry laugh.

“Apparently everyone did, except me. I didn’t know... I didn’t realize how much I relied on him, on knowing he was there even after... I moved out and stopped speaking to him. I didn’t... understand. And now...”

His eyes were soft but firm. It was so strange to see them right there in front of your face, almond shaped and radiating warmth. So strange and yet completely familiar.

“Now, you get to grieve. Everyone has regrets, Ross, that’s perfectly normal. But no relationship is perfect and we all know that your dad tried to distance himself from you in strange ways, in ways that hurt you and probably him too. He was complicated, and he knew more than he let on, and he... he did his best. Just like you’re trying too.”

You thought you were done crying, but that was a brief illusion, the tears were back and they showed no signs of stopping. You were flying off the handle, you were doing some kind of acrobatic flip off the handle, and you didn’t care who saw anymore. 

“Jade I... I want to hate him. I want to hate him so much but I can’t... I can’t! He just broke the very constructs of my universe, destroyed everything I knew to be true and I should hate him for that! For leaving me to question my whole life and wonder if any of it was real. And the only thing I can think if I have to bring him back so he can pick up the pieces of my world and make it whole again and if I can’t do that what’s the point! What’s the point of being powerful, of hearing these horrible things, to feel the veil pulling me constantly towards it? Why do I have to keep suffering through this inescapable dread of a universe that wants nothing more to collapse to singularity or fly apart till there is more space between every molecule than stars in the sky? H-how am I supposed to do this...?!”

It hurt to look at him, you wanted a mirror and you got a window. You wanted to stare at your pain till it ate you alive, not see the way out laid before you. You hated the promise of greener pastures in his eyes.

“With us. Together.”

You were crying so hard you couldn’t speak, and he was pulling you back into his arms. You were so lucky. You knew that now.

Things happened in a blur. In a way you didn’t quite understand, but didn’t bother to because you were so tired and so beyond doing and understanding. The others made a pile of cushions and blankets on the floor of your living room, raiding your room and apparently having brought some themselves. And then everyone just settled into it, in this huge nest and Jade rubbed your back and Joan fed you and Dove rapped at you till you stopped crying and Sollux and Eridan argued quietly in the corner until the demon seemed mollified enough to approach you and briefly patted the top of your head in what you took to be a gesture of truce and sympathy before curling up away from rest with a distrustful glint in her stange yellow eyes. Watching with hawk like intensity as Sollux slid into the pile and squeezed your hand tight and didn’t let go. Kanaya had left, or at least you thought he had, because you didn’t see him again after he had taken the bottle from you. You wanted to find him, to talk to him, but you were too tired to go looking, too ensnared in soft things and the warm bodies of your friends to move. You fell asleep in waves, losing understanding of the conversation by degree, slipping into pockets of time that felt like honey, eventually growing too thick to move, to keep your eyes open any longer.

You dreamed about the funeral you had for your cat Jaspers, but it wasn’t raining. Or it had stopped raining. No, it was but the rain was colorful, pastel blue and pink and yellow, shimmering and bright, falling too slowly to be normal.

You were standing there, in the damp grass, in between your younger self, dressed in a sharp black suit and your dad, dressed in one as well, sans martini glass.

“Would you like to say a few words?”

You were not dressed for this funeral, you felt absurdly shabby standing above the taxidermied figure of your long deceased cat. Her formal black gown looked severe and beautiful, and comically tiny.

Your dad looked at you expectantly, slightest touch of humor in his hazel eyes, strawberry blonde hair expertly coiffed the streaks of grey at the temples reminding you that you were still years away from the man you once knew. You still felt like a child next to him.

“Jaspers... was a cat who knew the importance of secret, who-”

The younger you sobbed and you extended your hand to him. He took it.

“Who knew that to reveal one was a matter of seismic consequence, and who in her final breath, gave us the most important secret of all.”

“Sh- she didn’t manage to say-”

“She said what Jaspers was always inclined to say... She said meow.”

Your dad’s hand took your own, tears were streaming down your face now. The glittering rain slowed even more in it’s descent. Technicolor spots danced in your vision.

“But meow... means love. She loved you very much, and she couldn’t bear to hold that secret to her chest any longer.”

Another sob. You didn’t know which version of yourself it was. Your dad stood stoic, the tears in his eyes had yet to fall.

“I loved her too.”

“Yes...”

You looked down and the younger you was gone. Or the older you was gone, you were small, holding your dad’s hand in the rain over the corpse of your beloved cat. He looked down at you with a gentle smile.

“It’s time to lay her to rest.”

“Not until the rain stops. Funerals have to go until the rain stops.”

“It could rain all day, Ross.”

“I hope it does.”

“I’m sorry... I’m so sorry...”

“You can’t leave until the rain stops,” you said with the firmness of a child who had made up their mind.

“I may have too, visiting... takes so much, and they are coming for the rest of me... Very hard to dodge the magics of demons.”

You had to forgive him before it was too late. You squeezed his hand.

“Dad, before you go. I have to tell you that... that I forgive you. And I’ll keep... I’ll keep going... even though it hurts. It hurts so much.”

He smiled down at you, all fondness and warmth and familiarity.

“You always were a brave kid.”

“...I’m not a kid anymore...”

You were currently a kid, but you knew you were really older. You knew it like you knew the warmth of his hand around your own.

“Well, you’ll always be my kid. My son.”

A question you’d never been brave enough to ask welled in your throat.

“Why did you take me in...?”

“Funny story, I didn’t want to. Not even a little bit, until I saw your face, and then it was... I knew from that moment, that my life was nothing compared to yours... that you were the reason I had thrown myself into my work, why I had given my soul for it. You were the one I wanted to save all along.”

You ached. He had given up so much, too much.

“Your life had value with or without me in it Dad.”

“I’m not arguing that... but did it have purpose? I certainly freaking thought it did. ...until your mother asked me to take you and it all went right out the window.”

“I never... I never resented you. For not telling me who she was, or what compelled her to give me away. I never needed to know. You were enough for me.”

“Thank you... I am a very lucky man, to have you as my child, Ross.”

“I’m lucky to have you.”

You both stood in silence for a moment the rain dripping down slower and slower, the sun getting brighter and brighter.

“The rain is stopping...”

You took a shaky breath. You knew, you always knew. He would be gone soon. Really gone, his presence erased from even the veil.

“That means.... It’s time for you to go.”

He nodded slowly. Crouching down in the wet grass to meet your eyes.

“I wish I could stay... more than anything I wish I could stay.”

“Me too. But you have to go. I have to let you go.”

You hugged him, the only family you’d ever known, he was crying softly.

“I love you Ross.”

“I love you too. Goodbye Dad.”

He let you go with a soft sigh, stood up. You were older now, taller and wider than him by a large margin.

“Ciao, son.”

You watched him walk away, into the woods behind the house. Everything glittering with multicolored drops of rain the sun brightening and brightening until you just couldn’t see any more of him. He didn’t look back, and you were grateful for that. 

You put the lid over Jasper's little coffin after he had gone.

“Goodnight, old friend.”

It started raining again as you hefted it up and brought it to the mausoleum where she remained to this day. After she was entombed you stepped back outside, let the rain, strange and bright and warm wash down your body. You stood there for a long time. 

You forgave yourself.

You woke with a start, in a tangle of limbs. It took you a minute to remember, what had happened, where you were. The dream felt so real, vivid like a memory, you wouldn’t be able to forget it even if you tried. In the pale light of the morning you could see you were half pressed against Jade’s thin chest. Jade was here. Your best friend since you were twelve, was here, in your house. It seemed impossible, but he was really here with you. You felt his eyes on you from the couch, Kanaya knew you were awake. 

You started extracting yourself carefully from the bodies, as gently as you could.

Sollux and Eridan were, predictably, tangled together away from the others, in their own little world, and Dove was spooning Jade from behind while he pressed against you, Joan holding you from the left. You managed to scoot out from under them without waking them, and stood up to meet Kanaya’s red eyes, so eerily huge in his pale face.

“Good morning, Ross. Did you sleep well?”

“It’s hard to say...”

You walked over to him, sat next to him on the couch. He had a mug of tea in his hand. One of your mugs.

“I see you found my stash...”

“Oh... Yes, would you like some tea as well? I’ve become fairly adept at preparing it.”

You felt a wry smile twist your lips.

“Since you're offering me my own tea, I don’t see how I could refuse.”

“Easily. With only a modicum of condescension. But very well, I will make you some tea.”

He stood up and padded silently into the kitchen with his bare feet shockingly white and huge against the scuffed wood of the floor. You followed him, after a moment where you tried to figure out what was so different about him.

For the first time since you’d met him, he was wearing something besides a stiff red leathery robe, cut and flared to be masculine and intimidating. Instead, he wore a soft blue robe of patterned silk, that was thin and flowy, almost translucent, you could see where his leggings started at his hips and ended at his calves. It gave him a distinctly different vibe.

You watched him putter confidently about your kitchen, slightly hunched so as not to scrape his horns on the ceiling.

“You’ve changed outfits Kanaya...”

“Yes... I do that from time to time. I have an interest in fashion... and not just of the purely functional or seductive variety as many of our kind do.”

“I dare say that number could be construed as seductive. Or is that the point?”

He flushed, a beautiful jade green under the whiteness of his skin, his hands pausing their dance on the counter.

“I... Ross. I do not... I do not think it wise... for you to flirt with me. If that is indeed what you are doing.”

It was your turn to flush. Was that what you were doing? You didn’t know.

His eyes widened slightly in panic at your expression.

“Ah... I didn’t mean to presume. Please forgive me.”

You schooled your features as smooth as they would go.

“There’s no need... It wasn’t my intention to flirt with you, but I will be more careful with my choice of language from here on out.”

He stared at you for a moment, getting even greener in the face, conflict flashing in his eyes.

“Oh... Good.”

It was tense and silent as he finished his preparations, just waiting for the water to boil. You tried to break it as it finished and he pulled the teapot off the stove before it started screaming.

“... Last night... I thought you left.”

“I did. I went to retrieve something that I thought would help you.”

“You mean Jade?”

“No, I did that before... it’s around your neck, what I brought back.”

You looked down in surprise, and there was an unfamiliar necklace among your own. A leather strap with a stone with two holes in it, natural holes.

“A seeing stone?”

“Yes... a very powerful one. I had hoped... that in combination with your gifts... it would help you see what you needed to before it was too late to see it at all.”

You touched it, it was strange you hadn’t noticed it. But feeling it you understood why. Unlike anything magical or demonic, it carried no energy, but it felt otherworldly too, like touching something that had been clipped out of reality, almost like it absorbed the energy of the world around it. You raised it to your eye, hand trembling and looked at Kanaya through the hole.

The vividness of him dropped away sharply, his aura paled around him. He didn’t belong here. Something called him away, his soul came from a place beyond. You dropped the stone.

“Thank you.”

His brow furrowed with concern.

“... Did it... Did it help?”

You nodded. He had given you the tools to see your Dad again. He had allowed you to choose subconsciously, rather than forcing you to agonize in your consciousness until the choice was gone forever.

“Yes... in my dreams. I saw him... I got to say goodbye. I got to forgive him.”

He handed you the mug with a small smile.

“Did you, perchance... forgive yourself as well?”

You returned his smile and took a cautious sip of the tea, green and slightly floral.

“Only barely... I don’t think... that this will completely absolve me of guilt but at the very least... I feel as though I will be able to grieve a little more... sanely now.”

“I am glad to hear that.”

You stared at the liquid in your cup. You felt guilty about a lot of things.

“Kanaya... thank you for everything... I was too harsh on you before. I was too harsh on everyone, but especially you and Sollux. I apologized to her but not to you. So for what it’s worth at this stage, I’m sorry for my earlier behavior.”

“It is quite alright. Again... I can only imagine the pain that you have been going through, and I’m sure the presence of Eridan and myself has placed extra strain on you. I wish it was not so, but it seems it cannot be helped. This is the situation we find ourselves in, for better or for worse.”

You held up your mug to him, and it took him a split second to get it, but he did. Kanaya raised his own and tapped it gently against your mug, with a small smile that showed his full fangs, not just his vampire like canines that jutted against his bottom lip. They looked awfully sharp.

“For better or for worse.”

“But I sincerely hope, for all our sakes, it’s for the better.”

“As do I. And surrounded by so many friends... I can’t help but think that is the case... And yes, I do consider you a friend now.”

He blushed again, looking into his mug to avoid your eyes.

“Oh... Thank you... I consider you a friend as well.”

“I shall strive to be a better one then, and make up for some of my earlier, more unwarranted, jabs at you.”

He gave you a considering look, his voice hesitant and hopefully.

“Would you like to... reverse engineer someone’s personality with me?”

You snorted a laugh of surprise into your tea.

“Would I what?”

He seemed a little flummoxed and fidgeted with his sleeves.

“Oh, I don’t know... It was something Sollux suggested but... I’m sensing now that it was a joke that I shouldn’t have taken seriously.”

You couldn’t help your grin.

“It might have been a joke, but I have to admit. The proposed activity seems to be right up my figurative, dark creepy alley of expertise. And your outsider’s perspective would add a delightful layer of unbiased nuance, or at least unbiased from the standpoint of a human, to the exercise.”

“I’m afraid... I don’t quite know what reverse engineering actually means.”

“It means to pull something apart and try to rebuild it from it’s components so it functions the same way as before. So in this case... we would pick a subject, rip their personality to shreds and then try to figure out how they tick to put them back together... as a... thought experiment.”

He nodded slowly.

“When you put it like that it does sound interesting... as a thought experiment.”

You wiggled your eyebrows at him to communicate your excitement about this idea that Sollux had unwittingly given the both of you and he chuckled softly.

“Would you like to pick our first subject?”

“How about... Joan? She seems deceptively well-adjusted...”

“It is a thin deception, let me tell you. Shall we go to the patio so we can talk more freely?”

“Ah, yes... that would be lovely.”

He followed you out the back door, robes swishing, looking pleased and a little excited. It brought a warmth to your chest, seeing him playing a role other than that of mediator, expressing hints of emotions that were not carefully calculated plates of neutrality to soothe the sensibilities of others. You wondered what other sides there were to him. You were excited to find out.

  
  


**Be Eridan: Say Your Own Name**

You were Sol, bigger than before, somehow more gangly, your knees dark with scabs and the world split oddly into red and blue tints, glasses you realized. Sol was used to it though, it didn’t perturb her, sitting on a chair next to MT, down the hall from principals office, legs swinging nervously almost catching against the floor. Her hand in yours, familiar but not comforting.

This was your fault, the guilt of it curled in your stomach like a snake, cold and heavy.

You glanced at her, her hair sticking up from her head in thick stands in all directions, her glasses matching your own, face pinched and nervous. To hide their powers, you realized suddenly, remembering how the Sol you knew, the older Sol, wore glasses like that sometimes.

Suddenly MT was tugging you out of the chair, dragging you down the hall by the hand, stopping a few feet away from the maroon door with it’s little grid window.

Sol did not like this door, it made you feel sick and angry just being this close to it. MT put her finger to her lips and you sighed and followed her lead, stepping as quietly as you could to one side of it, as she stepped to the other. Crouching low to the itchy blue carpet to hear the voices behind it better.

“- you’re telling me your school policy is to suspend children for fighting, even to defend themselves, but not to suspend children who use slurs?!”

Sai, angry, almost hissing with vitriol, at the man inside. The man you hated, the principal, Mr. Plumbt.

You, as Eridan, weren't sure what a principal was, but you gathered it was some kind of authority figure, one that Sol despised.

“Ms. Captor there’s no proof-”

“Proof?! Proof?! Why would there be proof?! It's a word, not a slap in the face, and unless it’s your policy to give children recording devices to keep them in line there’s never going to be any proof!”

“This isn’t just about what happened today, Sollux has shown herself to be incapable of moderating her emotions. She lashes out at her peers rather than speaking to adults-”

“ _ Adults?! _ You want her to talk to adults, when every one of you has been nothing but cruel to her,  _ I know... _ ! I know what  _ you _ did, accusing her of cheating and making her take her tests in separate rooms, special tests that no one else gets, because  _ your _ staff can’t believe that she’s smart enough to get 100 percent on every test!  _ I know _ how  _ your _ teachers make her read out loud in front of kids who hate her as punishment, when she retaliates against the kids who slap her, push her, spit spitballs at her, they even broke her glasses for christ sakes! These asshole kids you’re defending tell each other that my children are too dumb to know they’re adopted, tell each other they have lice and spiders in her hair, they call them the N- word and physically hurt them, and never once has a single _adult_ in this place lifted a finger to protect my children!!”

You stared at MT, seething with rage, she wasn’t supposed to tell your mom about how your teacher made you read out loud or how your classmates picked on either you. You both agreed that those things had to be secrets, because your mom worked extra hard to keep you in this school, to pay for it. She met your eyes, her mouth a stubborn line, eyes hard and determined. You were going to kill her later.

“Ms. Captor-!”

“This is your fault!  _ Yours! _ That shitty kid would have an intact nose if you hadn’t created a nightmare of a school that has no support for children of color, and if you want to suspend them,  _ fine! _ But mark my words you won’t have this job much longer if you do!!”

It was silent for a long moment through the door, you could hear Sai panting in rage. You heard the creak of the chair leaning back, you knew the sound, knew the look in his grey eyes that he was giving your mom. You hated him, you hated him. Your eyes were hot with anger, hands starting to spark uncontrollably. MT climbed over to you suddenly, grabbing your clenched fists in her own to try and calm you down. It wasn’t working, you felt like you were going to explode.

Auntie Kanika’s voice rang in your head in warning.

Find your center. Find your center.

“No other students, regardless of their color, have had the issues these two have. Mituna continuously disrupts the classroom with outbursts, and gets into yelling matches with other students and her teachers. Sollux barely speaks unless she is forced to, not surprising, since she can’t even say her own name, but she routinely starts fights with others on the playground that Mituna then joins. It is my suggestion... that they both be held back a year and placed in a class for behaviorally challenged children until they are better adjusted.”

Another long pregnant pause.

MT was trembling now, hands over yours, eyes hot, fingers sparking. You didn’t know how to comfort her, didn’t know where your center was, didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t think. 

His words kept repeating in your head. Can’t even say her own name. Can’t even say her own name.

You, as Eridan, wanted to march into that room and strangle him, how dare he say such things. How dare he?! You would kill him, murder him slowly, for making Sol feel so terrible. He made her feel worthless. Trapped in her consciousness you couldn’t move, you couldn’t act. You almost screamed in frustration.

“How many other black students are there at this school Mr. Plumbt?” 

Sai’s voice was ice, a burning cold that sank into your bones. It washed even your anger away, with a touch of fear. Your mom never sounded like that. MT met your eyes behind her glasses, her shocked face a mirror to your own.

“I-”

“There are four others, all in much higher grades. Do you know how many asian and latinx and jewish students there are?”

“Why would-”

“Not enough, even for a school this size. I brought my babies to this school because it was supposed to be the best, the teachers were supposed to care, they were supposed to have opportunities to grow and get individual attention. I didn’t bring them here to be harassed at every turn, but now I realize I should have seen your lack of diversity as the warning that it is. This school is unsafe and it is toxic. Don’t bother with your suspension Mr. Plumbt, because my children will not be attending this school any longer.”

Your mom opened the door suddenly, finding you and MT huddled against the door frame, eyes wide with shock. 

She looked down at you both, still in her scrubs from work, they’d called her out of work to come to school, because you messed up. You punched Joey Chance in the face and broke his nose. MT had also zapped him, but he only peed himself, she didn’t actually hurt him. The surprise in her eyes was quickly replaced with amusement.

“Well, I suppose you heard the news... Do you want to tell Mr. Plumpt goodbye?”

You both just stared at her, unsure what she meant, and she winked at you.

“Come on, I’m sure you both have things you’d like to say to him.”

MT stood up suddenly, dragging you with her.

“Yes! C’mon Sollux, we have to say goodbye!”

MT dragged you under her arm, into the room to face him. His thin face, the balding head, the little grey eyes of stone, resentful and cruel. Such a strange creature to fear, you could see how pathetic he was, how weak and insecure. You could kill him in the blink of an eye. You wanted to, you wanted to so badly.

MT stopped short, trembling suddenly, you squeezed her hand.

“Mr. Plumbt... You’re a- a-”

Something was swelling in your chest, something defiant and huge and impossibly angry.

“You’re mean jerk and you thuck at your job!”

MT grinned at you before she chimed in herself. Almost crowing with excitement.

“Yeah! You suck! We’re never coming back because you suck and Auntie Kanika’s gonna put a curse on you so you lose all your hair and you’ll look like a creepy pink egg!”

“And I can say my name! My name is Sollux Captor and when you hear it again you’ll know you thcrewed up becauthe I’ll be a billion timesth happier than you’ll ever be!”

Sai was standing in the doorway, she was smiling, she was proud of you. The man you hated, he looked smaller now, his tiny eyes seemed empty and lifeless, his mouth hung slack. Inside Sol you were ecstatic, you wanted her to throw things at him and snap his neck, but this was pretty good, this was satisfying. Sol was satisfied too. She had knocked him down and it felt good.

“... I think that’s enough girls. It’s time to go.”

“Goodbye,” you said with finality. You were done with him. Done with this whole place.

“Yeah, bye. Jerk face.”

You tugged MT out of the room, scared to linger and ruin the moment. The moment of your victory. Wait, don’t leave yet. At least break a arm or something. You were little, but you had powers, you could do it. You could make him suffer.

Sai pressed her hand against your shoulder leaning down to press kisses to the top of your and MT’s heads as she steered you out the door. The secretary, who was ok, and the school counselor, who you also hated, watching you leave with wide eyes, clutching files to their chests like shields. They were afraid of you. Afraid of your family.

You held your head high. They should be afraid of you, in this moment you could do anything. You could stop the world spinning round if it displeased you, but you were better than them. You didn’t use your powers to try and hurt people unless they tried to hurt you first.

You knew that was how it was supposed to be. You knew you were the good guy.

You, Eridan, did not give a rat’s ass about being the good guy.

You walked outside, to the car, your mom’s hand on your shoulder keeping your back straight and moving forwards. She stopped suddenly, crouching down and pulling you and your sister into a tight hug against her. 

You really liked this feeling though, the innate safety and warmth of Sai. The comfort she brought you, it was more than you could even process, an overload of unfamiliar feelings and familiar ones turned up too high.

“You’re so brave... I’m so fucking proud of both of you...”

You collapsed into her. You knew you should have told her, but you didn’t know how. You cried a little, because your mom tried so hard to give you nice things, and it seemed like the world didn’t agree with that and screwed it all up every time. But she just kept trying. Trying and trying. 

She squeezed you tighter for a minute before she let you both go.

There were tears in her eyes too, almond shaped and a deep beautiful brown, really the only feature you shared. You had her eyes. Your mom told you to remember that whenever people said you were adopted like it was a bad thing. You had her eyes, both the brown and the red and blue. You were her daughter.

“So... let’s go get some ice cream. And maybe go see a movie... I hear there are some good ones out now...”

“... We’re not in trouble?” MT said, her face scrunched up with confusion.

“Not this time... but the next time you break a kid’s nose and zap him till he pees himself, yes. You will definitely be in trouble. I know it’s hard not to hurt people who say bad things to hurt us... but we have to try our best not to, unless we’re really, really, _ really _ in danger. It’s our responsibility too, because we have special powers and we can really hurt people if we aren’t careful. Understand?”

You sniffed and wiped at your eyes, shoving your hand under your dual tinted glasses.

“Underthtood.”

“Mituna...?”

She scuffed her foot on the sidewalk with a small frown. 

“I... I understand...”

You personally felt more on Tuna’s side, but Sol seemed to be taking Sai’s word like law. Such a fucking goody-goody. Didn’t she know that a power like hers was meant to crush annoying little anklebiters to dust before they got a good grip on her? Didn’t she know she deserved to crush them?

“C’mere you little rascals...”

She squeezed you back tighter, smothering you in kisses and poking your sides till you laughed, before she hefted you one at a time into the car. Everything seemed to go fake then, the world reduced to a set you could push over, you weren’t Sol, you were Eridan. Wholly Eridan, and wholly confused and mystified by their concepts of right and wrong. You didn’t understand why they didn’t just strangle that horrible little man. There were so many things you didn’t understand.

You slid back into blackness, the memory fading away like a dream. And for a moment that was all it was. And then it was a blackness seething with bodies, hungry, starving, mindless bodies, and you had to move, you couldn’t stop moving because if you stopped you would die here and you couldn’t die here. Not until you dragged Vriska down with you.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually really like this little nugget of hanging out between Kanaya and Ross. I thought it turned out good. And all the dad stuff made me cry again.  
> Also Jade is now here!   
> I got into a lot of trouble as a kid and was always getting sent to the principals office and picked on by kids and teachers, even in so called "good schools" aka Charter schools, so I just sort of leaned into that whole experience for Eridan's memory dream. Sollux and Mituna were probably about 8 years old, second or third grade when that happened.  
> I feel like Kankri with all these trigger warnings but like... this fic gets heavy and I don't want to hurt anybody who's not expecting it to go there. Because it's only going to get wilder.


	52. Last Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: blood tw: mild violence

**Be Sollux: Last Memory**

You were almost there. You were launching yourself toward him, he was so close.

Huge eyes. Orange eyes, pupils blown wide, set in a face of smooth black skin, mouth wide with fear. Teeth glinting red in the beginnings of sunset. 

You almost screamed as something shot through your side, dragging through your skin, slamming you into your body in full awareness. Startlig you awake with a lance of raw pain burning from your waist, ED snarling at you, eyes unseeing.

Teeth closing down. Your powers slammed on in instinctive defense, you tackled her on her back, as her teeth started to press into the skin of your neck. You threatened to strangle her, not bothering to stop your power from shocking her as it wrapped around her neck. You only stopped squeezing when you heard her start to choke.

Your breath was coming fast and shallow. You could feel the heat of your blood starting to run down your throat. You couldn’t see if she was cognizant yet, she was stiff and still.

“ED... it wath jutht a dream... jutht a bad dream, ok? I’m going to let you go, pleathe don’t fucking bite me.”

You released her, and her teeth withdrew, you were vaguely aware of people staring, afraid to interfere, as you finally managed to get a full lungs worth of oxygen, a laugh of relief bubbling in your throat.

“... Jethusth. Fuck. ED... are you- Whoa!”

You were suddenly on your back, she was going for your neck again, but she looked awake, and she wasn’t baring her teeth at you. Suddenly her dark purple-grey tongue, strangely rough and too cold, was dragging over the skin of your neck where she had broken the skin. You squirmed under her, face hot and pain shooting from your side from where her claws had dug into you.

“The fuck are you doing?! Hey! ED?!” 

She didn’t answer, ED was shoving your shirt up and licking the cuts, inside the cuts. You were trying not to shriek, trying to shove her away to no avail, the pain of it making it hard to think. She pulled away suddenly. Eyes unreadable. 

“I’ll get Kan.”

You watched her leave, sweating and breathing heavily, completely at a loss. What the fucking hell was all that about?

“Holy shit... Sollux are you ok?!”

Joan was rushing to you, Jade and Dove standing shocked in the doorway, and you glared hard enough to stop her in her tracks. Sitting up with a grimace to inspect the damage. Three solid cuts from her claws and one faint one, at least three inches long and pretty deep too. Not bleeding, but they should have been, must have had something to do with the licking. They had been bleeding quite a bit, judging by the blood that had seeped into your jeans. You slept in your jeans and now your jeans were ruined. For whatever reason that was more upsetting to you than getting sleep shredded by your demon. 

They were your second favorite pair and you only had four pairs of pants.

KN rushed into the room, RS’s living room, looking like a distraught 50’s housewife in pajamas, in a billowing silky blue robe, with ED and RS trailing behind him.

He was starting to heal you before he even touched you, green magic sliding across the gashes in your side, the sensation only intensifying as he knelt besides you and pressed his hand over them, running the finger of his other hand over your neck and healing the nicks she’d left with her teeth.

“How are you feeling?”

You sighed and stretched out a little. One normal morning, was that so much to ask?

“... Like it never happened KN. Except my jeans are soaked in blood and they’re ruining the fucking illusion.”

“That’s what you’re worried about? The two of you are going to be the death of me...” 

His eyes went hard, voice dropping to a low whisper.

“This wasn’t the result of another fight was it?”

You gave him what you hoped was a reassuring smile and shook your head no.

“Nope. Pretty sure ED just had a nightmare and thought I was trying to kill her for half a second.”

He snapped his head to look at ED sharply, she was rubbing her arm and trying to hide behind RS, but he stepped away as she tried with a small smirk.

“You told me they stopped Eridan.”

She shrugged, determinedly not meeting his gaze.

“W-well... I lied.”

He stood, furious and intimidating. KN could get kind of scary sometimes, knowing what a softy he was on the inside didn’t change that. ED cowed in shame.

“You-! You are so insufferably stupid sometimes! So stupid it leaves me no choice but to think you’re doing it on purpose to aggravate me. Are you trying to incur my wrath? Is this some kind of game to you Eridan? Because it is certainly not a fun one! High stakes do not automatically make games more amusing!”

“... I’m sorry... I didn’t think w-we were gonna be sleepin’ together so much...”

“Oh! Well! That makes it better then doesn’t it.”

“Kan...”

“No, that’s fine. Your expectations give you plenty excuse to lie to me.”

That was the best, most understandable sarcasm you’d ever heard him use.

“Kaaaaannn, I’m sorry. I w-won’t fuckin’ do it again. I w-won’t lie to you anymore. I’ll be dow-wnright fuckin' forthcomin’ an honest w-with you from here on out. An I’ll let you sink your meddlesome little fangs into me as much as you w-want even w-when it’s annoyin’ as fuck. I w-won’t lie.”

“... Come here.”

Eridan seemed surprised for a moment, but acquiesced back straight and head high. Walking forwards till she was standing on top of the cushion pile right in front of him. She was so powerful, so prideful, it was a wonder she listened to him at all.

“I think you deserve to be punished.” he said haughtily.

ED’s tail flicked in irritation behind her.

“C’mon, you’re ov-verreactin’-”

“Am I? You nearly shredded your bride to pieces due to your refusal to admit any weakness, even to me. This behavior has already harmed you and your loved ones before. Are so willing to risk Sollux’s wellbeing too?”

You had several objections to that last sentence. Namely being called ED’s bride. But also... you totally handled that. You were fully capable of not getting accidentally killed by your demon. You didn’t need to be rescued.

She looked at you for a long moment, guilt twisting her features before she looked back at him with a resigned sigh.

“You know I fuckin’ don’t... W-what are you gonna do to me?”

“I’m going to play dress up with you. For the rest of this week.”

She growled and stamped her foot on the floor, which was covered in blankets and soft things and made the gesture seem that much more petulant. Kanaya didn’t flinch.

“... Arrrggh... Fine! Fuckin’ fine! I’ll wear w-whatev-ver you say, I’ll let you make clothes for me that I don’t ev-ven like an I’ll w-wear em w-with a smile an ev-verythin’. Are you fuckin' happy now, Kan? Does that make you feel better?”

He smirked, you could hear the faint purr in his throat. 

“Yes... It does.”

You stood up with a laugh.

“You guys good? Does someone want to provide me with new clothes, because these ones went from totally fine to fucking disgusting in five seconds or less.”

RS stepped towards you with a small smile.

“I might have something lying about that will fit you for the time being... I’m sure Kanaya will be kind enough to extract the blood from my duvet in the meantime.”

He gave him a blank pleasant smile to conceal his irritation.

“Can’t you clean your own duvet?”

Ross smirked at him.

“Household spells are not my specialty.... And you are all uninvited guests the least you can do is clean up after yourselves after you bled all over my bedding.”

“Wait... can you magic my pants clean? KN please say yes. I don’t give a shit about the shirt but I like these pants.”

He sighed.

“Yes... you’ll need to take them off first though. Eridan, will you help me lay everything out please...?”

“Yeah... I’ll... help,” she grumbled, looking bashful and slightly annoyed.

You used your psionics to wrap around her horn and tug her to face you.

“We’re good, right ED?”

She flushed violently.

“W-we’re fuckin’ good, ok? Just... don’t d-do that! It’s fuckin’ indecent...” she hissed softly.

“What this?”

You tugged her closer with a grin, and her face got even more purple.

“Yes, you ass! Now-w fuckin’ let me go before I do somethin’ w-we both regret...!”

“Alright... sorry.”

You released her and KN hid his grin from her by covering his face with his hand. You followed RS out of the room, to his bed room, as the other three retreated to the kitchen, presumably to finish cooking whatever it was they were cooking in there. Something breakfast-y.

“I doubt I have any pants that will remain on you... given our significant difference in width, but I think I have a wrap skirt that can be adjusted to fit...”

“Yeah, I’ll take what I can get. Thanks RS.”

You stood awkwardly in the middle of his room, which was way less overtly witchy than you thought it would be, while he rummaged through his closet.

“Of course... I must remark... you seem unusually calm about all this. Most people would be more upset about being clawed awake.”

You laughed.

“Most people aren’t joined at the soul with a demon... Besides it wasn’t like it was intentional, she wouldn’t... We’re not like that.”

“That into vore?”

“Fucking A, shut the hell up. I meant, we don’t try to hurt each other on purpose. Not for real.”

He emerged from the mass of black and purple clothes with a silky looking black skirt and a black t-shirt with a skull on it.

Both seemed significantly too big for you, but RS was a big guy. And you were unhealthily thin.

“What about the fight you had yesterday... it seemed like you were trying very hard to hurt each other then. I mean the fight-fight... not the tickle fight.”

You glared and snatched the clothes from him.

“Hurting each other was not the goal of that stupid fight.”

“Oh? What was it then?”

You flushed.

“... Dominance. And... uh.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Uh...?”

“... And uh... none of your fucking business. Jesus, stop digging around in my personal beehive before you get stung.”

“I think the honey is worth the risk.”

“How the hell did you make my own metaphor creepy?”

“It’s a gift. But what I mean is... your relationship with Eridan is sociologically very interesting, and given that it’s the only one of it’s kind... I feel compelled to investigate where I can.”

“Consider this, RS. Don’t. This shit’s stressful enough as it is without having to defend my psyche from your prying eyes.”

“Fair enough, I will try to keep my prying to a minimum from now on.”

“Thanks for your effort. I’m going to get out of these bloody clothes now Mr. Pokey-Nose.”

He let out a laugh that was just a puff of air.

“Was that... a bad pun? In reference to Joan and Dove’s little rant about my personality the other day?”

“If you have to ask you know the answer. Sucker.”

You peaced out of his room to the bathroom, stripping out of your bloody clothes, and borrowing a washcloth to wipe away the smears of blood from your body. Seeing exactly how much blood there was made you feel uneasy for the first time since you’d woken up. Maybe KN’s little flip out was justified after all. ED could’ve dragged her claws through your intestines. She could’ve ripped your fucking throat out. But the weird confidence that you had that she wouldn’t have lingered, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be overly worried about it.

There was blood soaked into your underwear too, so you resigned to going commando under RS’s silky black skirt. He was around the same height as you, so at least it covered your legs. But you still felt painfully exposed when you walked back into the living room. Kanaya was still magicing blood out of the bedding, and ED was folding the clean ones, and making little piles of what belonged to who, apparently by smell. 

“Hey... you think you can get the blood out of these so I can change?”

KN looked up, dragging his eyes, wide with excitement, up your body while you squirmed internally.

“Yes, of course. That skirt looks very nice on you Sollux.”

“Thanks... It’s not really my thing though. I kind of hate it?”

“Ah, I see.”

“See what?” you said wearily. You could almost feel ED smirking at you in your periphery but he only gave you a pleasant smile.

“I see I will have to rethink some ideas I’ve had for outfits for you.”

“I didn’t know that was a thing you were doing, but great. Here.”

You laid your pants and underwear on the ground next to the pillow he was drawing glowing green runes over, presumably to remove the blood on it. You really had bled fucking everywhere. Your shirt was shredded, and honestly pretty old and fucked up beforehand so you had just shoved it in the wastebasket in the bathroom.

“He can’t fuckin’ help it. As soon as he decides he likes someone he starts makin’ little outfits for em in his head. An then he starts makin’ em for real...” ED said darkly, with just a hint of a vindictive pleasure.

“KN... I’m not the model you’re looking for. Actually, I’m like the antithesis of a model. The nega-model. I’d rather shit myself to death on a rollercoaster than be the focus of that kind of attention.”

He chuckled, finishing the runes on the pillow and turning his attention to your pants.

“I wasn’t going to ask you to model anything for me... but I wonder why you have such a strong aversion to the idea? Isn’t it nice to be admired?”

You frowned and folded your arms over your chest.

“I don’t fucking know. Call it residual instincts from being raised to hide my bat shit crazy powers at all costs. Call it...Ugh. Look, it just makes me uncomfortable, there’s no reasoning for it. Behind the scenes, being a fucking badass, pulling strings and getting shit done, that’s where I belong, ok?”

“You two really are polar opposites in some regards... It’s amusing.”

“W-what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Hmm. I wonder.”

“Kan!”

“What? You know your own personality as well as I. Presumably better.”

“He’s calling you a atten-”

“I know! Fucks sake, shut up Sol. An don’t go pretendin’ you don’t like attention cause you fuckin’ do, you just prefer attention congratulatin’ you on your oversized brain, not your looks. You could ave both if you w-wanted to though, like me... It’s a shame really.”

“Huh... I didn’t know you were smart ED.”

She hissed at you and KN laughed as he finished cleaning your pants and started in on your underwear.

“Just cause I’m not harborin’ a desire to blow people’s computers up w-while cowerin’ behind a desk doesn’t mean I ain’t got a stunnin’ intellect.”

She was clearly seething, but you couldn’t resist one more jab.

“ED... I believe you. You don’t have to try to defend your intelligence. It’s not like you constantly exude the vibes of both a concussed jock and a wannabe trophy wife or anything. I mean really. What do you take me for, an idiot? Pretty rude, ED.”

“Suck my bulge an choke on it w-why don’tcha Sol!”

“I think you’d like that, so I’ll have to politely decline.”

“Oh, you smarmy little smartass, I’ll fuckin’-”

KN coughed loudly to interrupt what could have only been a vastly inappropriate sentence for the time and place.

“Now, now. Hush... I think you’ll both be in better spirits after breakfast. Sollux, here are your clothes... Eridan, I think we’ve fulfilled our duties as uninvited guests, I’ll pop off for a moment to retrieve a change of clothes for you.”

ED huffed and muttered under her breath, ”Fuckin’ fantastic...”

“Don’t worry... I’m sure you’ll like this one.”

“Right w-well... I’ll wear it even if I don’t, that w-was the deal an all.”

“Indeed.”

He snapped away with a loud crack and the flash of light, the smell of burning hair, less abrasive to you than it used to be.

She sighed and rocked to her feet easily, flopping on the couch with so much visible irritation it was hard not to laugh. You snatched your clean clothes off the floor and turned to leave, but a tiny worm of guilt made you turn around to face her again.

“Hey...”

“W-what, Sol?”

Her tail was flicking against the cushions, you could see her actively resisting the urge to knead her claws in them. 

“I was just kidding. You know that, right?”

“Do I?” she said coldly.

“Now, yeah.”

“I lov-ve how you’ll do anythin’ to av-void apoligizin’ to me. It really makes me gush w-with appreciation for you... Really gets my heart thumpin’ aw-way in my chest Sol.”

“... Christ. Fine. I’m sorry.”

“Mmhmm.”

“ED.”

“Go get changed asshole.”

She wasn’t looking at you. 

“Come with me.”

The words were out of your mouth before you thought about it, her face flushed and wide eyed with surprise mirrored your own.

“... Alright...”

She followed you silently back to the bathroom, your mind was racing, you didn’t have any idea why you’d asked her to come with you. Getting back into your pants wasn’t exactly a two person activity.

You directed her to sit on the toilet and she complied, her mouth a tight line.

“Close your eyes, ED.”

The corners of her mouth twitched upwards slightly.

“Ya’know, I’ve seen you naked before Sol...”

“Yeah, well once was enough. Close your eyes.”

She rolled her eyes before she did, but she did.

“I’m closin’ em, I just don’t get the point a me bein’ here if I don’t get to w-watch.”

“The point is. We’re talking,” you said pointedly as you began to unwrap RS’s skirt.

You had pulled it as tight as you could and it was still loose. You knew that was a bad thing.

“About w-what exactly?”

“Your whole fucking deal. Spill it.”

You stepped into your underwear and started pulling your pants on.

“W-why do I ave to spill it? C-can’t I be upset about you bein’ a fuckin’ jerk to me an that be that for once?”

“You can’t always take the easy way out ED. You know I was just teasing you.”

You finished buttoning your jeans. You felt a zillion times better in your pants. You were a pants kind of person.

“Maybe you hurt my fuckin’ feelin’s w-with your teasin’ you ever think about that?”

“ED.”

She opened her eyes as you tugged gently on the bond.

“I’m sorry...”

You reached for her face, instinct taking over, and she flinched away before your hand made contact, the flash of fear in her eyes making anxiety swell in your gut.

You just stared at each other for a moment, holding a question between you, before her gaze cut away sharply. Not fast enough to hide the guilt in her eyes.

You pulled your hand back quickly.

“So, we’re just not touching each other now... is that it?”

She swallowed, you saw the motion in her throat, the tight line of her jaw.

“Sol...”

“Because you feel guilty you didn’t wake up from your nightmare before you hurt me?”

“... I keep hurtin’ you...” 

Her voice was so quiet it barely qualified as a whisper. The sound seemed to slither under your skin, made the hair on your arms stand up as your irritation flared.

“Don’t be fucking stupid. If anyone gets to be upset about that it’s me. I didn’t sign up for the attack alarm clock, but guess what? I’m not pissed about getting it. It was an accident. So suck it up already.”

She snarled at you, whipping her head around so fast it looked like it hurt.

“I shouldn’t ave been sleepin’ w-with you like that in the first fuckin’ place! I knew it w-was a risk an I fuckin’ ignored it an I coulda- c-coulda killed you!”

“Knock it off, it wasn’t like I didn’t know. I saw what happened when you have nightmares like... the second day you were here.”

"You ain’t responsible for any a this! I’m the one w-who fucked up!”

“ED you can’t just-!”

You were interrupted by a series of raps on the door.

“Hello? Sorry to interrupt but some people need to use the bathroom...”

It was Jade. You recognized his voice even though you hadn’t talked much in the eight hours that you’d known each other.

ED stood up, expression unreadable, and, snatching the skirt from the floor in one smooth motion, brushed past you to the door and jerked it open.

She thrust the skirt at him and he caught it in surprise.

“Go put that in the witch’s room an w-we'll be out a here by the time you get back human.”

“You want to ask me nicely?”

“No. Bye now-w.”

She slammed the door in his face and locked it. You barely managed not to laugh, as she turned back to you, her arms folded over her chest and tail flicking against her legs.

“You w-wanna finish what you were sayin’ Sol?”

You couldn’t help your grin.

“Uh... Shit. I forgot.”

“Fuckin’ idiot.”

“Spoiled brat.”

ED gave you a small smirk that disappeared almost immediately.

“Sol... I don’t know w-what w-woulda happened if I didn’t wake up w-when I did... if I d-didn’t- Fuck. I fuckin’ hate this.”

She looked away sharply to hide the tears forming in her eyes. Even her tears had a faint purple tint to them.

You stepped towards her again, she didn’t stop you as you reached for her this time. You pulled her against you and she slumped in defeat. You rubbed her shoulders though the scaly leather of her jumpsuit, felt how tense she was, how scared she was.

“Ok. Alright. I know... If it makes you feel better we won’t sleep together anymore. It’s not like we need to now anyways, right? We’re all good bond wise.”

She snuffled against your chest, finally returning the hug and squeezing you so tight it almost hurt.

“Y-yeah... I’m really fuckin’ sorry Sol... it musta hurt. Probably a w-whole fuckin' lot for you...”

“It did. But now I can honestly say I’ve felt worse, so... don’t worry about it. And I’m more concerned about you. And what the fuck you’re dreaming about that’s making you wake up in full murder mode.”

She pulled away just enough to glare at you.

“It’s none a your fuckin’ business w-what I dream about.”

“I thought you _weren’t_ shutting me out?”

She growled at you in irritation.

“For fucks sake, Sol...! Sometimes...! I don’t tell you shit cause you ain’t ready... an sometimes I don’t cause I don’t know how to explain ev-ven a fraction a it to a human like you. An sometimes I don’t tell you shit cause I’d like to ave a smidgen a fuckin’ privacy, thank you.”

“Fine. I’ll find out eventually though ED. One way or another. Now let’s get out of here before Jade breaks down the door.”

She huffed and rolled her eyes but turned and opened the door to let him in just in time to hear the loud crack of Kanaya’s return. You gave Jade an apologetic smile as he brushed past you into the bathroom and he winked at you. You guess you understood how he fit into their little group.

KN was on Eridan immediately, dragging her to RS’s room with a bag over his shoulder and an excited smile with ED just looking painfully resigned.

You wandered back into the kitchen, looking for coffee and possibly food. JN gave you a sheepish smile and offered you a cup of coffee as you walked in, black and lukewarm.

“Hey... so are you doing ok?”

“Yeah, I’m good... it was just an accident.”

“I know... It was really fucking scary though, I mean, her teeth were like... on your throat!”

You could see the panic in her eyes, the overwhelming concern.

“Ugh JN... If it was something worth being scared over I would have been scared. So if some bullshit like that happens again, don’t look at the demon, look at me. If I’m not freaking out, you shouldn’t be. Got it?”

“... Ok. Got it. You sure you’re doing ok though?”

“Y’know... I think you’re onto something. I think... I actually feel like crap... because I’m fucking starving.”

“Alright jeez.... Breakfast is almost ready anyways...”

“Sweet. And... thanks... we’ll probably be getting out of here after that, but I’ll help clean up a little...”

“Aww... really? You guys don’t have too...”

“No, I think we do. I’m not really... part of your friend group... and RS probably needs some quality time with you guys sans demonic shenanigans.”

“I can agree with the last part but you can fuck right out of here with the first thing you said.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The alarm on the oven went off and she scooted you out of the way to pull a dish out of the oven.

“You are part of our friend group Sollux. Just because we haven’t known you as long doesn’t make you not our friend.”

You flushed a little. There was a part of you that still couldn’t quite believe that.

“... Thanks...”

“It’s cool. I get it... I had a hard time with it too... having friends and trusting that they liked me back... but, honestly. It’s the best thing once you get there. Friendship is the song that makes the world go round. Or something like that anyways.”

“I was on board and then you kept talking and I tuned out. Did you say friendship is a sauce?”

“Yes. It is a sauce. A saucy sauce best served hot and poured aaalllll over people till they’re covered in friendship. Till they’re like sticking together and slipping onto their asses on all the hot saucy friendship.”

“Wow. JN I’ve been skulking in the darkest corners of the internet since I was like eleven... but that scenario was more disturbing than anything I’ve witnessed. And I mean anything. All the things. Kudos to you.”

“I’m not really sure how that’s a compliment... but whatever. Will you go tell the others that breakfast is ready? Ross and Dove are on the porch I think.”

“Yeah, I’m on it.”

You chugged the rest of the coffee and went to go fetch the others to eat JN’s baked egg concoction, which smelled fantastic.

By the time you brought DV and RS back inside everyone else was at the table, including KN and ED. When she saw you she jumped up, eyes wide with excitement. You stopped in your tracks when you saw why. The dress KN had put her in walked the line between appropriate and scandalous in every way. It was made of leather, purple leather, floor length, but it had slits that went up to her hips on both sides, which was conveniently revealed as she walked towards you, and a neckline so low it went past her scar, except all the exposed skin was covered in some kind of see through material with gold embroidery so it wasn’t technically exposed. Except it totally was. And you were totally staring because this was not what you had mentally prepared for. You expected to see her in a formless sack, not in a skin tight dress that hugged all her curves. 

“Eridan, that is such a beautiful dress...”

She glared at RS behind you for daring to speak before her eyes flicked to your expectantly.

“Kan made it. Sol...?”

“Um. Yeah...”

Her lips started to pout and she folded her arms over her chest. Which was kind of a relief to you. You didn’t want to think about her weird nipple-less tits anymore than you already had.

“Yeah... w-what?”

“It looks good. You look good.”

“How fuckin’ good, exactly?”

“Can we not do this right now?”

She was fully pouting now.

“Soool.”

You caved.

“You look like an award winning eggplant dipped in gold, ED.”

Her scowl was monumental. You bet she didn’t even know what an eggplant was, she just didn’t like the sound of the word. You tried again.

Even though you were painfully aware of everyone in the room trying not to giggle and your face was uncomfortably hot.

“You are the prettiest princess at the princess ball, and all the other princesses are bawling their eyes out because they’ll never be as pretty as you.”

Bingo. She smiled at you toothily, smugly, her cheeks flushing violet.

“I am the fuckin’ prettiest... An I can still fight in it if I had to, too!”

“... Yeah... cause of the slits... Great job KN. Can I expect outfits like this all week? Asking for a friend. Who is me.”

He smirked at you.

“You’ll have to wait and see. I think it’s a much more enjoyable exercise if it’s a surprise.”

“Yeah, Sol. Don’t be a fuckin’ buzzkill.”

You snorted a laugh of disbelief and took your seat at the table, accepting the plate of food JN passed to you eagerly. You were fucking starving.

“You were literally just throwing a fit about letting him dress you. Now you’re all gung ho about it?”

“W-well I didn’t know Kan reversed his borin’ rule then... if it doesn’t ave to be borin’ then I don’t mind dressin’ up so much...”

You shook your head with a wry smile before you started shoveling food into your mouth. It was nice to see her happy and excited about something, even it was just a dress, and even if that dress was mega-distracting. It was nice to see her engaging with people who weren’t you.

Breakfast went quickly, RS seemed to be faring better than the night before, and he seemed to be back to his normal snarky snobby self. He talked a little bit about planning a funeral for his dad, and you told him you’d do whatever if he needed it. As did KN, and the others. ED said nothing but she didn’t grumble or hiss or offer any other protest so you took that as a sign she wouldn’t get too pissy about it if you dragged her along and made her help.

After breakfast, you did dishes with DV, who was being less of a dick than usual, and not actively trying to get your metaphorical goat for once. She was letting your goat graze in peace and you appreciated it.

When you went to collect your demons to leave though, you found them talking to Jade softly in the corner. Eridan was mostly hidden behind KN, you couldn’t see her expression, but the vibe in their huddle seemed painfully somber. You left them to it and went to find RS and say your goodbyes, and when you came back to the living room, ED had a notebook clutched to her chest and a painfully blank expression that seemed to deter any interaction you might have had for her. 

Nothing seemed to shake her out of it, not even JN promising to let her Nono make sweets for her, not even DV’s rambling nonsensical goodbye that should have pissed her off, not even KN’s hand on her shoulder guiding her out the door.

In the car she was frighteningly quiet, so quiet it seemed impossible to talk, even to KN, as he drove across town back to your house.

As soon as you were home, she darted up the stairs to her room, without returning MT’s greeting or even stopping to pet the dogs, who whined pathetically at her dismissal and crowded around KN until he had crouched down to pet them.

“KN... what the hell is her deal?”

“Yeah... is she ok?” MT echoed your concern, luring the dogs away from him with treats to keep them from destroying his silky robe.

“Jade has been recording letters for her... letters from Feferi.”

His name made the dream flash behind your eyes. Except it wasn’t a dream, it was a memory. ED’s last memory of Feferi. The last time she had seen his face.

“Sollux?”

Both MT and KN were peering at you with concern, and you tried to shake the image, the heart wrenching guilt and fear of that moment from your mind.

“I... Should I... do I need to go talk to her?”

“I imagine she’ll talk to you when she is ready... Eridan needs time to process and reflect alone. As I imagine... do you.”

You stiffened, something about his tone rubbed you the wrong way.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You are an individual who has expressed a preference for solitude, I suggest you take the opportunity for alone time while it is available.”

He was smiling at you so kindly, so sincerely. You didn’t know why you were still pissed. It wasn’t like he was wrong. You did prefer solitude. You were in a severe personal space drought, you’d never gone so long without a full day of no talking. You should be relieved that ED wasn’t actively vying for your attention. Relieved to have time to yourself.

“Yeah... ok.”

MT gave you a small grin.

“Dog Park?”

Hanging out with MT didn’t count as social interaction. You didn’t necessarily have to talk to her.

“Please.”

You put your backpack down and shoved your wallet and phone into your jeans pocket. Shoved your glasses on your face.

“Alright... let me go grab the good shit.”

MT made her way back upstairs and you started getting the harness together for the dogs while KN watched you quietly. Finally you met his eyes, realizing he wasn’t going to stop looking at you till you did. They were so kind it hurt.

“I will be next door for the time being... you are welcome to come over should you wish to talk.”

Your throat felt tight for some reason.

“Yeah... thanks KN.”

“Would you like a hug?”

“I... uh. Sure.”

You let yourself sink into his arms. He held you tightly, you felt safe with him. Safe enough to be weak, to feel the void inside yourself that was growing bigger and bigger by the minute.

“It is alright... much has happened. Please, do not punish yourself for feeling overwhelmed.”

You didn’t know how to talk so you didn’t.

After he left and your sister came back, you still didn’t talk. You didn’t go to the dog park either. 

You let her walk you to the park next to the library as you split the joint between you, almost empty of people because of the heat of the day, to a far corner, under a little copse twisting trees, dank smelling and sprinkled with litter. You remembered hiding in there with her a long time ago. Some summer during middle school probably.

MT scattered salt from her pocket to scare away the little phantoms crawling and squelching over the ground and the trash, and dragged you and the dogs inside the little cave of branches. You barely fit, but you managed to squeeze in next to her, the dogs resting in your laps, to lean against her while you cried silently.

You didn’t know if the pain was yours or hers. You weren’t sure if it mattered anymore.

  
  



	53. Letter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: discussions of racism

**Be Eridan: Letter One**

The letters weren’t in his handwriting, something that sort of shocked you even though it should have been obvious.

You flipped through the notebook a few times sitting cross legged on the mattress, not really reading anything, just wondering if you could stomach it. If you could even handle what Fef had to say to you. But you’d done this to him, you’d trapped in the Furthest Ring with horrifying creatures with unknown motives. You owed him the courtesy of reading his correspondence at the very least.

Finally, you forced yourself to open back to the first page. To read earnest what he had left for you.

_ Hi Eri!! _

_ I miss you! Jade is the one who had this idea to write you letters, he said he won’t see you for a while, but he will eventually, his clouds told him that. WOW! I just realized you probably have no idea what I mean by that!! Oh, Jeez I have to explain so much!! That’s ok, though. It’s something to do, and it is so boring here. SO GLUBBING BORING.  _

_ First of all, I know you’re probably worried sick about me, but I assure you I’m doing just fin! I mean I’m alive, and I’m not hurt at all! The Horrorterrors are pretty scary, but they just put me in this weird little bubble world that can do whatever I want in! It’s pretty neat honestly! Pretty much whatever I can imagine or remember I can make sort of real here! It was really exciting for the first few weeks before I realized I couldn’t make any demons or humans or anyfin to talk to. Just these like weird ghosty people that couldn’t hold a conversation. And some actual ghosts showed up but they were super annoying! Once I realized that it was just frustrating!!  _

_Oh! I should explain the dream bubbles! That’s super important! And exciting too! When demons and humans dream, they make these things called dream bubbles, or the Horrorterrors make them for them... and then feed off them? Or the energy the dream bubbles produce? I don’t know exactly how it works, Gl’ybgloyb is bad at explaining these things to me. Or maybe I’m just bad at understanding them, I’m not reely sure which! (Now he’s giggling at his own pun! Can you believe that!) Remember how the caverns I came from were near the ocean? I hang out there all the glubbing time now! I wish, I fish (more giggling jeez) I had brought you there when we were still together. I think you would like the ocean so much Eri!_

_ Whoops I’m getting distracted again... I’m just so excited to talk to you again! It’s pretty lonely here. But the dream bubbles, sometimes they pass through my bubble prison and I get to meet people in their dreams. That’s how I met Jade! (that’s me!) _

_ His dream bubble is HUGE. It’s like a whole planet, really it is! And he’s really good at controlling it, because he’s a real snorefish. (Hey!) He just sleeps and sleeps, and he adds other people’s memories to his dream bubble so it’s kind of like a crystal ball. Only waaay better, since everyone knows those things never work anyways!! In the clouds in his bubble, he can see slivers of the future and the past, and he tries to keep it all straight so he knows how to help people. He knew I was going to end up here, and that’s how he knew to try and find me. _

_ My prison is like a bubble too, so I think if I keep practicing manipulating it I’ll be able to move it around and come visit you in your dreams too!  _

_ I’m looking forward to that so much!! Uh oh I think Jade is waking up. (I am not! I just fell asleep) You are about to wave up, I can tell Jade! Ok. I know that was a bad pun... you don’t have to tell me. Bye Eri! I miss you, I love you. And don’t you dare blame yourshellf for what happened!! You aren’t responsible at all. I know you like to take the blame but you reely shoaldn’t this time. Oh, there he _

_ Darnit, he was right... I woke up. I don’t know how he can tell when I can’t even tell! This is Jade by the way, I was just having my dream robot take dictation for Feferi while I slept. He talks about you a lot. He is very worried about you but you look like you’re doing alright in the future so I told him not to worry too much. _

_ Besides, it sounds like you’re one tough cookie to crack. Until next time! _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Mostly Feferi, and a little regular Jade _

You startled as you realized tears were dripping onto the lined paper, the ink was starting to run. You threw the notebook to the side as you tried to get yourself back under control. You couldn’t believe he sounded so happy. He sounded like he was fine.

Fef was alive and he was ok.

**Be Sollux: Dig Yourself Out**

The first thing you did when you got back home was take a nap. You were so tired. You didn’t think you’d ever be fully rested again.

When you woke up it was still pretty light outside. But the sun didn’t set until like eight pm right now so that could mean anything. You dug your phone out your pocket and checked the time. It was almost seven. 

You rolled out of bed and went to scavenge for food downstairs. ED was still in her room, the door was still shut tight. You could hear MT talking animatedly in muffle speak in her room, streaming her raid probably.

You threw some quesadillas together with some leftover chicken and ate them quickly hunched over the counter like a goblin. You made a few more and threw them on your plate to bring them to ED. It’d been a long time since breakfast and she was probably hungry.

She didn’t answer when you knocked on the door at first, you could hear some video playing faintly inside. You knocked again, a little louder this time.

“ED? You decent?”

“Yeah? W-why wouldn’t I be?”

“... I have food for you if you want it. Can I come in?”

“Be my fuckin’ guest...”

You opened the door and found her curled in the bed, watching something, some tv show, a human one, you didn’t recognize on her crab-top. Her glasses were off and you could see the violet rims around her eyes from crying.

“Hey...”

She paused her show and sat up a little as you sat on the edge of her bed and passed her the plate.

“Hey Sol... thanks.”

“No problem. Are you... are you doing ok?”

She laughed dryly, before she snapped through half a quesadilla.

“I think you know the fuckin’ answ-wer ta that question...”

You wanted to ask, but you didn’t know if it would do any good. You tried another approach.

“...I had a memory dream last night. A little one.”

She stopped eating. Her expression was unreadable.

“Oh... Of w-w-what?”

“Of... Feferi. The last time you saw him.”

She sighed heavily and looked away.

“... A course you did...”

“I just saw his face... and felt how scared you were... there was some pain... It happened really fast, I didn’t get much before I woke up.”

She gave you a sharp look.

“You mean before I fuckin’ clawed you aw-wake.”

“Obviously before that.”

ED snickered and shook her head, before looking at her plate nervously, picking at the last remaining quesadilla gently with her claws.

“The first one I got was like that too. Fast an... kinda hard to remember...”

“How many have you had besides that?”

“Not includin’ the first one... tw-wo.”

“You’ve had one every night?”

“Yeah... it’s fuckin’ w-weird right?”

You grinned.

“It’s super fucking weird. You should tell me about the other two, ED.”

She rolled her eyes and started ripping into the last quesadilla.

“Ugh really? They’re your memories, shouldn't you just remember em?”

“ I’ve been kicking around, making memories for twenty-one years, there is a vast catalog to choose from.”

She huffed and polished off the last of the food.

“Fine. First one was getin’ the braids, an you accidentally burned Bumble Boy an cried about it.”

The memory floating back to you hazily. You’d been so powerless then.

“Oh shit... I remember that. Fuck... I was little.”

“You’re tellin’ me... It’s hard to understand how you got so big so fast...”

You laughed.

“It’s the miracle of growing up. You must have seen my Auntie Kanika then.”

“The one doin’ the braids? Yeah, she w-was nice... um. W-what’s an “Auntie” exactly?”

“It’s a... ok, technically it means the sister of one of your parents but Kanika isn’t related to us at all, it’s a term of endearment basically. She’s my mom’s... errr, was my mom’s best friend. She took care of us a lot when me and MT were kids.”

“W-why aren’t they friends anymore?”

You sighed and rubbed your arm. It was one of those things that Sai would just not budge on and it drove you crazy.

“I honestly don’t fucking know... It happened when I was in highschool... Sai won’t talk about it and neither will Auntie. Believe me, I’ve tried to get it out of them. They won’t talk.”

“Betcha it had somethin’ ta do with all a this shit. The deal, I mean.”

You stared at her for a moment. That was a possibility you hadn’t thought of before.

“Maybe... what was the one you had last night?”

“Oh... um. You were w-with Tuna and Sai w-was mad at this... person, called a principal. I- you hated him. For good reason though, he said some aw-wful fuckin’ things and then you an Tuna yelled at him an Mom w-was really proud a me- you. Sorry. It gets a little mixed up perspective w-wise... I think that’s all it w-was.”

An older memory. You were almost eight when that happened.

“Huh. Yeah, that was a good day.”

She frowned for a moment, seemingly deciding on the question she was going to ask you.

“Sol... I know about the different skin colors humans ave an all. An I know about the “racism”, when you use it as an excuse to exploit each other... I mean, demons come in different colors too, but humans seem to care about it way more for some fuckin’ reason... but w-was he bein’ mean cause you’re darker or w-was I just misunderstandin’ that w-whole fuckin’ situation...?”

You were sort of surprised she picked up on that. But you didn’t know how much she really understood about the way things worked on Earth. She didn’t even know what country you were in.

“Uh. Yeah. More or less. He was letting other kids be mean to me and MT because we were pretty weird kids and us being like the only Black kids didn’t help. And he was punishing us for fighting back and defending ourselves.”

Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked you over again.

“But... you’re brown?”

You snickered. Trying to explain your complicated relationship with race to a demon was not what you expected to be doing with your evening, but here you were.

“Yeah, that’s true. Black is like... a term for dark skinned people like me and MT. RS too. Usually people either directly from or descending from people from Africa... There’s a long fucking history of Black people getting screwed over, particularly here, but also all over the world. And I mean... MT and I are mixed, we’re half Japanese but we... we have dark skin and kinky hair so it’s not something people know unless we tell them. And they don’t always believe us when we do either.”

“I think you shoulda killed him.”

You startled at her fierce expression. ED was dead serious.

“The fuck?”

“You shoulda killed that creepy fuckin’ man for bein’ so v-vile an makin’ you an Tuna feel so shitty all the time. Especially cause it’s not like you can help w-what you look like. I mean it’s not like humans get to decide anythin’ about their appearance like w-we do. The body you end up w-with is all fuckin’ chance...”

“Well... I’m pretty satisfied with how that whole thing shook out, and I’m not really into killing people, but I appreciate the sentiment ED.”

“I’m just sayin’ you shouldn’t take that kinda bullshit...”

“I generally don’t but... I’m not going to go around killing and maiming people who try to provoke me that way. I prefer less physical forms of retribution...”

Her eyes narrowed.

“Like w-what?”

You shrugged.

“Calling them out and publicly embarrassing them if I can, sending them viruses and doxing them if I can’t or if they insist on being racist dicks after I call them out. If it makes you feel better when I was in... uh, fuck, seventh grade? I actually did ruin that guy's life. I met another kid who’d gotten harassed at that school till they had to leave so I hacked into his computer, found a bunch of sketchy shit on there, and long story short, I got that piece of shit put in jail for tax fraud.”

She nodded slowly in approval.

“That is pretty good rev-venge... You still shoulda broken his fuckin’ arm or somethin’ but it’s better than nothin’.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes a little.

“I’ll keep that in mind next time.”

“Fine. I’ll just fuckin’ do it on your behalf then.”

“ED.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll let you decide if the racist dicks need a few broken limbs or anythin’... but you better fuckin’ tell me if they do Sol.”

“You got it. I will absolutely tell you if I think that’s necessary.”

“You promise?”

There was something in her eyes that made alarm shoot up your spine. A familiarity with violence that was beyond what you could really comprehend. A willingness to use it. 

You doubted you would ever see that go away completely. ED was a creature cut from a different cloth. She was a demon.

“Promise.”

But you still trusted her. You trusted she would listen to you, or at the very least, that you would be able to stop her before she murdered someone if she was going to try.

She reached her hand out tentatively, stroked your cheek with her eyes still burning through you.

“Anybody ev-ver ev-ven tries to fuckin’ hurt you now an I’ll fuckin’ end em if you say so, Sol... I know I ain’t stronger but I’ll do everythin’ in my pow-wer to keep you safe, alright?”

It was funny how easily you returned the sentiment. You weren’t really the type to fantasize about killing people who wronged you, you were always more interested in making their lives a living hell and watching them suffer appropriately. But if push came to shove you would kill someone for ED. Same as for Sai or MT.

Just the thought of how it would feel if the connection between you broke made your fists clench and your stomach roil.

ED had to live.

“Sol?”

She pulled away from you gently as your focus returned to her, her big yellow eyes.

“Yeah... me too. I mean I’d... to keep you safe. Only if I had to though.”

She smiled at you but it seemed more predatory than anything.

“You’re sw-weet.”

“Yeah, no. I just think it would feel really sucky if something happened to you.”

“You don’t ave to hide your feelin’s from me, darlin... I know you care about me...”

She leaned towards you, batting her eyelashes and pouting her lips out more than necessary.   
“... an you fuckin’ like me ta boot.”

ED was too far in your bubble, you forced your expression flat and disdainful before you jerked away.

“Oh shit... I think it’s time for me to do something else, literally anywhere else, now.”

She scowled but you held yourself still. 

“Sol.”

“What?”

“Take the fuckin’ plate then.” 

“Fine.”

She shoved the plate at you brusquely and you snatched it back. As you got up to leave she flopped back into the bed and curled up under the blankets. The sheer decadence of her dress seemed comical in this setting, really everything about her was sort of comically out of place here. 

You tried to imagine a place where she fit seamlessly into her surroundings and failed. ED’s whole countenance seemed beyond that.

“W-well? Are you fuckin’ leavin’ or are you just gonna stand there starin’ at me like a creep?”

“Do you want me to leave?”

You weren’t sure why you asked. She glared at you, you could hear her tail starting to thump against the mattress in irritation. You knew why you asked. You wanted her to ask you to stay.

“Please an fuckin’ thank you.”

“Ok, then. I’m going.”

You turned around and left the room, feeling lost. You went downstairs and shoved the plate in the dishwasher. There were no other dishes to do, nothing to clean, nothing to do.

Frustration was boiling under your skin, a restlessness that made you want to scratch it off. 

You retreated to your room again.

Sat down at the desk like you were going to work on something, but couldn’t even think of what. You just stared at the cold, black monitor, waiting for some purpose to hit you. Your reflection, puffy eyes with dark circles underneath. You pulled your lips back to show your teeth, feigned a growl like ED’s. 

It sounded pathetic.

Your focus slid to the mess behind you, the piles of crap and bags of garbage that you had been meaning to take out at some point but just hadn’t ever managed. How long had it been since you’d cleaned in here?

Not since the last time you’d seen Amelia. 

You reached your hand up and felt for the scar on the back of your head. It made a little crescent shape of raised skin under your fingers.

It had been six months, now almost seven. Since she’d given you the scar and you’d stopped cleaning your room. Not that you’d ever been the type to have a clean room, but it’d never been this bad. You’d never sunk so deep into your own filth before.

You got out of the chair.

There was barely room for your bare feet on the floor in the little paths you’d made. Six months was long enough. It was time to dig yourself out of the hole you made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. I'm not a person of color, even though people who don't know me often think I am. I've got the weird ethnic ambiguity that makes other white people go "So are you....???? (insert ethnicity)" and it's pretty funny. I am white, I was raised by a white family, I get the privilege that comes with that.  
> But I made a conscious decision when I started writing fanfiction to try and write as few white characters as possible. And I started by giving characters the ethnicities of people I know, and trying to relate their experiences with race while trying not to make it the focal point of my stories, because I don't think I'm qualified to write that kind of story and I also think that while the physical appearance and racial tensions in the US would dictate how other people behave around these characters it's not like their ethnicity would change their character. The character is the same.  
> With writing Sollux and Mituna and even Ross as Black characters, I did think about how that would affect their childhood and backstory before I made the switch. I was previously writing them as half Japanese-half white like in Dating a Psycho Bitch, but after playing around with this idea of them being Black I thought it was more interesting and it gave the characters a different depth. So I made the switch, and then the full realization hit me. I was going to have to write about experiences I've never had and only heard about. Even more so than in Dating a Psycho Bitch, because both Indian and Japanese immigrants in the US are seen as sort of quiet and *mostly* nonthreatening minorities most of the time by American society as a whole. I've both seen that bias and been told about it, and it's very strange to say the least.  
> And I struggled with that. So I talked to a couple people about what they thought about it, and one person was like "I wouldn't even stick my foot in that, I just wouldn't write Black characters." And that struck me as being kind of cowardly. I mean, I guess I could make that rule for myself, but then where does it end? Can I only write people exactly like myself? Fat, short, white, demi-girls? To me that kind of thinking takes away the beauty of writing characters, the exploration of other perspectives that I enjoy. That persons other suggestion was just to not write about racist things happening to that character at all, which also just seems silly. Because the world has eyes, and it's not like I'm writing these characters in a void. I'm writing them in the same society I grew up in, and that society is racist and sexist and homophobic, colorist, fatphobic and transphobic, and those things would affect them one way or another, no matter what. It affects everyone.  
> So I decided to stick with it. And do my best, and really think about everything a lot when I write about these experiences with racism that these characters would have had and might continue to have. And I'm sure I'll fuck up, and do something insensitive or write something inaccurate at some point. But I think it's important to try, to try and bring the diversity of the world into the written one. And I hope that if I do mess up, that I'll get the chance to fix my mistakes and be forgiven for making them.  
> And if people don't forgive me for it. Then oh well. You can't please everyone, and I know that there are people out there who genuinely believe that what I'm doing is wrong. But I disagree. I think that in order to build a world where everyone is treated equally, we have to step out of our comfort zones, and talk about shit that is uncomfortable, and think about the experiences we might not have because of certain privileges. And think about experiences that everyone shares and how we can relate to each other.  
> That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  
> And y'know enjoy the chapter and this completely unrelated drawing of Mituna and Latula! I love them. <3


	54. Memory Mash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: self harm mention tw: violence

**Be Eridan: Memory Mash**

You were forcing your way through screaming, hungry husks and then you were sitting at desk in a room full of humans, feeling spitballs hitting your neck. 

Then backness.

Then you were playing video games under the covers with MT. Then nothing but revenge and fear and death, so much death, how long did you have to keep living through this? Now something was following you home, some kind of phantom with too many eyes. You let your hand drift into your pocket and pulled out a salt shaker. Flicking an arc of the granules at the phantom so it screeched and shuddered, it’s amorphous body bubbling and steaming as it lunged. You ripped someone’s throat out before you heard them scream. You were sitting in a bathtub holding a razor. You were scrambling up a cliff face in the dark. You were lying prone on the floor trying to force the ghost out of you, it was so so angry. He was so fucking angry and he wouldn’t let go. You were so tired you could barely move, the last creature alive on the level, or so you'd thought. Apparently there was one more demon to kill. You dodged the swipe. Everyone was screaming. Grabbed the horn, brought your knee to the face, snapped the neck. You collapsed over the corpse as it started to disintegrate beneath you. Please, no more.

Everyone was screaming.

Everyone was dead.

**Be Sollux: Out Of Place**

You were walking. 

You were walking in a tight stream of demons down a narrow path, buildings rising crookedly on all sides, at least seven stories up. Built on top of each other haphazardly from stone and wood and metal in strange rounded shapes. Runes scribbled on the walls to help hold them up. Floating balls of light bouncing gently up against the walls of the canyon the buildings created, some of them dim and flickering but there was plenty of light to see by. You didn’t need much to make out everything before you, your vision was sharp and clear. 

You were ED again. With your tail swishing back and forth behind you as you walked to keep others away, horns sitting heavy on your skull, hips swaying. Holy shit, you were a demon. 

And you were hunting.

Following a scent through the muddle of other smells. She could really fucking smell, it was overwhelming how intense it was. It was amazing that she could even pick a singular scent out of the sea. You kept your hand on your wand, you knew they were close. The Husk.

You scanned the crowd carefully as you moved through it but kept your gait casual. 

So many demons. Varying in color from pitch black to pale white. All of them equipped with horns and tails and fangs of varying sizes and shapes and shiny red and orange yellow eyes. All too big, all too full of that darkness that lingered in ED’s heavy gaze. For you, as Sollux, it was low-key terrifying. But ED moved through them with ease, confident and self assured. This was where she belonged. This place was built for the likes of her.

The other demons were pretending to ignore you, but you saw the flickers of their gaze coming to rest on you as you passed. You saw the way their mouths twitched and their posture turned defensive. The stiffening of tails and the quiet unsheathing of claws in your periphery.

No one liked seeing a Husk Hunter. By law you were required to wear a uniform that identified you as such, but you hated it. It would make your job so much easier if you could just blend in with the crowd. Not because a Husk would recognize a uniform, but more coherent demons often tipped Husks off with their body language and behavior. Sometimes that worked in your favor, other times... not. 

You spotted your target tailing another demon, a grey skinned demon with a broken horn. They looked unhealthily thin, their black hair a knotted snarl on their head and covered in thin sheen of filth. They stalked their prey through the crowd and you stalked them, sliding your phone out of your coat pocket to snap a quick photo and send it to the rest of your team. 

It was weird, the symbols on the phone. Eridan understood them, she could read them, but you almost couldn’t. There was something about them that made them shift, some kind of otherness you couldn’t quite get past.

You reached your hand up and carefully pressed a button on the device that hung out your ear, some demonic mockery of a headset with legs gripped tight around the shell of her ear, a scorpion like speaker-stinger along the line of her cheek, turning your head and speaking quietly.

“Husk is still stalking the original target, Wyllek I need you to circle around Sarath street and try to bring the target into the alley between the import shop and that nasty little grub station. Kallin and Renatu you need to blend and remain in position. Act as though you do not ave an activ-ve target.”

“Tad problem Captain. We didn’t blend and demons are clearing out of here already.”

“Fucks sake... alright, they’re probably gonna bolt. Be prepared ta block off the street.”

“With what exactly?”

“Steal a fuckin’ grub cart for all I care... If the owner abandoned it it’s up for grabs. The goal is still the alley but if they spook before they get there at least we can get the victim outta the way.”

“Alley is clean as a whistle and good to go. Had to interrupt some interesting business back here... but y’know. Perks of the job.”

There was some snickering over the line. You gathered the business was sexual.

“You can jerk off later W-wyllek. Hold your position an don’t let anyone back there for anythin’. I’ve got the tail.”

“Where’s Serket?”

Irritation flared sharply. Fuckin’ piece of shit didn’t even have the decency to show up for work on time. Just two more write ups and you got to fire him. Two more.

“Late. As per the usual. He might still make a grand entrance yet though... so w-watch your backs darlin’s.”

“You should take your own advice sometime Ampora.”

You didn’t turn your head, careful not let any part of you twitch in response to his breath on your ear.

“That’s Captain ta you, you lazy nooksniffin’ barfbag.”

He fell into step beside you. A tall thin demon with shaggy black hair, you recognized him from somewhere. You as Sollux, recognized him. ED did too, but he was her co-worker, actually her underling. She knew him well. 

She disliked him on principle but she respected him. She thought he was... oh, gross! She was  _ into  _ him. You tried to jerk out of the memory, disgusted by specificities of attraction you felt from ED. That you felt because you  _ were _ ED right now and fuck if that wasn’t weird.

But you were conflicted about your attraction. He was a notorious flirt and a notorious jerk, but he was so charismatic and self assured, even Kan liked him.

That made your gut sour a little. You were pretty sure he was just stringing Kan along and anyone who could string someone as sweet and genuine as Kanaya along would have no qualms about doing the same to you. Yeah, it wasn’t going to happen.

“Wow. You’re certainly getting more creative with your insults. I’m almost impressed. And as for calling you Captain... Why don’t you just get it tattooed on your forehead? No one would ever forget it then.” 

He spoke mockingly, with a false sweetness to his voice that dug under your skin. You, as Sollux, felt a twinge of something, like hatred, but tinged with fear. You knew in your core this demon was dangerous, even if ED didn’t seem to think so. Or at least she didn’t think he was more dangerous than her.

You wished you weren’t so close. But you liked the closeness of your bodies, you could feel the tension sparking between you. There was something there, some relationship yet unexplored. Some dynamic that remained elusive. Fuck, you wanted something to happen.

“Only two more writeups Serket an you’re gonna be rottin’ outside like the rest a these fuckers.”

“You always say that. But I have yet to be fired so... write away.”

He wasn’t in uniform. That in combination with the tardiness... that could count as two couldn’t it? You sighed resignedly. You knew you wouldn’t do that though.

You couldn’t actually afford to lose him. Not right now. He was too good at the job and you were short on monpower. And your block was always rife with Husks. As obnoxious as it was to have to routinely enforce your superior rank, you couldn’t fire him. Yet.

But in the meantime... A brief wicked smirk twisted your lips as you sauntered through the thinning crowd together. 

You’d see how he liked being enrolled in one of Aranea’s seminars. Nothing could shut that bitch up. Vris could scream at the top of his lungs the whole time and they would just keep talking.

You and Vriska split without a word as your target started to round a sharp turn in the winding street, him crossing to the far side and striding efficiently ahead, you slowing your gait even more and slipping almost directly behind them three paces behind.

“Serket and I are in position, everyone ready?”

“Ready and waiting boss.”

There was a thrill rising your gut, a kind of raw ecstasy as the hunt kicked fully into gear. You were a predator, this is what you were designed to do. You jerked again against the walls of the memory, suddenly frightened. Scared of what she was capable of. Of what you were capable of.

As the demon you were stalking rounded the corner, still intent on the other demon it was hunting for food, you saw it’s awareness start to shift. The flick of the tail, the sudden shiver of skin as it realized it was no longer hidden in a crowd. That the few demons left in the street were taking an interest in it, that it was being hunted.

You saw the moment they decided to run, and you were ready.

They sprinted towards Vris, and you shot a bolt of magic from your wand, willed it into a whip to wrap around their ankle, slamming them into the rough stones of the street.

The demon they were chasing bolted into the alley and you dove and rolled to avoid the wave of uncontrolled magic that shot from their hands. This was what made Husks dangerous. They could still do magic, and they had no desire or ability to control it.

You kept the flow of your magic steady, as you moved. Wyllek appeared in the alley and casting her own spell to pin them as Serket tried to control them with his mind. Yellow waves of some kind of fire were rolling off them now, panicked screeching and yowling coming from a gaping mouth full of broken rotting fangs. 

You had to move fast now or they would get the upper hand. Fear was too good a motivator.

You slammed to your feet, drawing a shield around yourself as you jumped on them and punched them solidly in the face. The crunch made you, Sollux, feel a little sick, but ED reveled in it. You were strong and fearless and powerful and it felt good to prove it. The 405 had lost this target four times in the last month. But now it was your fucking trophy.

You used your own magic like a blanket to smother their own down to the ground as the rest of your team rushed towards you.

You punched them again as they tried to sit up, their magic sputtered and their screeching stopped abruptly.

“Renatu now!”

You caught the collar as it soared through the air, slamming it against their neck, the metal ends magically extending to connect around as their eyes flicked open. Their snarl sent a wave of rot in your face, and you grabbed their horn to turn them away and pin them fully.

The horn cracked under your grip, brittle and unhealthy, and they shoved you away with surprising force. You took part of their horn with you as you both rolled to your feet. You tossed the piece away with disgust, as you and the Husk circled each other growling in challenge as the others tightened their circle. 

This Husk was smart, feral as they were, you could see the gears turning in their head, still looking for an exit, still looking for a weakness to exploit. There was something so terrifying about the look in their eyes, so hollow and empty. There was no personality, no obvious spark consciousness, just a raw untempered desire to kill. To survive.

With a sudden overwhelming sense of horror, you realized this is what ED would become if the bond between you broke. Worse than that, this is what she was destined to become no matter what. One day, she’d be just like that.

They made as if to lunge towards you, instead diving to the ground under Killan’s long legs, scrabbling on the cobblestones as they tried to run on all fours like a beast. But it was too late, your whip of power yanked them to a stand still as Vriska pounced gleefully. Tackling them to the ground and holding them just long enough to overtake their mind with his own.

You released the coil of power with a flick of your wand, and wordlessly gestured at the others to finish up, taking a quick swig of water from your hip flask before pulling out your tablet to start your report. Intense hunger clenched suddenly in your gut, but you shoved the feeling away. No time for that now.

The others cuffed their hands behind their back and chained their ankles together as you took quick notes of the collateral damage to the street, not much just some scorch marks on the road and the surrounding buildings, and went to take a statement from the demon the Husk was hunting.

The tablet device was like a weird flat crustacean, with oodles of short jointed legs that squirmed on the side of the touch screen as you tapped. Again the language seemed strangely unintelligible to you, but ED understood it like you understood English.

You listened half heartedly as the demon you’d saved, Quetal Gillar, access number 772648, he/him, short, obviously weak but scented, eight years old, rambled about how grateful he was you had responded to his call so quickly, how sure he had been the Husk would corner him and kill him. You were too busy watching Vris over his shoulder.

He was making the Husk stagger about, laughing as he tripped them over and over again. He smirked as he met your eyes. 

You strode over to him abruptly as he yanked them back to their feet. They were glassy eyed and breathing hard through their mouth. The faint ghost of pity made you frown, it wasn’t their fault they were crazy. It was just how things were. It really felt like a ghost of pity, far less than the pity you felt for the deranged demon. ED’s emotions were so subdued in intensity compared to your own, it was strange. No wonder she’d been so overwhelmed when you'd gotten emotionally plugged into each other.

“Serket and Wyllek resume patrol, Renatu and Killan knock this little asshole out an get them on route to the Pit.”

“But Serket should-”

You cut Wyllek with a hard look and she cowed a little, lowering her gaze respectfully. 

“Serket should be grateful I aven’t decided to fire his nonexistent ass yet.”

“Pretty unprofessional for you to admit you’ve been looking at my ass Ampora.”

Something snapped in you, your thin line of restraint was suddenly gone. You slid your hand, quick as a flash, into your belt and jammed a syringe full of sedative into the Husks neck, before you spun towards him. 

Magic pulsed from your fingertips, a reflection of the raw strength and power of your body, your control, as you slammed him to the ground, twisting his arms down and gently crushing his windpipe with your thick black boot. Holy fuck.

You'd never seen her wear shoes before. 

“W-what did you call me Serket?”

They writhed furiously in the tendrils of your power, you could feel them trying to push into your mind. Trying to control you. You sneered in his face. What a joke.

“G-get off me bitch-!”

“Wrong answer!”

You pressed harder, he was starting to gasp for air. You _liked_ this. Which is to say, ED liked this, the control, your utter domination. The power you held over him was pure unadulterated pleasure.

“Since I’m feelin’ generous today I’ll let you try again. How are gonna address me from now-w on Serket?”

You released some of the pressure from his throat as you saw his shoulders start to slump. He knew where his place was, he just needed a little reminder.

“... Captain...” he rasped venomously.

You didn’t let your smile reach your lips. No one here needed to know the satisfaction his subservience brought you.

“W-well done. Maybe I w-won’t make you attend every seminar Aranea hosts for the rest of the year. As long as you can remember that one little w-word I think you might get the priv-vilege a enjoyin’ your weekends.”

You stepped off him and let your magic slide away from his body. Turning back to the rest of your team. They were stiff and silent, their gazes lowered and tails hanging low and loose. You didn’t find this disturbing, but rather appropriate and pleasant. You were Captain for a fucking reason.

“You ave your orders, get goin’.”

You heard him get up and saw the widening eyes of your team in a split second. He really just didn’t know to quit. 

You blocked his strike as you twisted your torso towards him, catching his pointed jaw in a solid uppercut a half second afterwards that sent him flying backwards onto his ass. Some of the civilians that were returning to the street snickered at his misfortune and he flushed cerulean. 

You sauntered towards him leisurely.

“Vris...”

His eyes widened at the use of the nickname you only used in private. When you were being friendly outside of work, playing games with Rez and Kan.

“W-we are not fuckin’ equals. It ain’t gonna happen.” You cocked your head at his snarl of fury. He didn’t like you being in charge of him and you couldn’t blame him. 

“Not unless you get a lot fuckin’ stronger... either accept that or quit the fuckin’ job already.”

He was silent for a moment. Holding your gaze fiercely until finally, with agonizing slowness, he lowered his gaze. You ached with desire for him. Vris would be so perfect, so fun, to have as a caliginous partner. You really did not like feeling her attraction. It felt wrong to feel it like it was your own. It made you feel like a fucking creep.

You stepped closer and offered your hand to him to help him up. He let out a soft sigh that was almost a growl before he took it and you pulled him easily to his feet. He said nothing till he was inches away, brushing past you on his way to the others.

“Oh, I’ll get stronger. You’ll be kissing the ground I walk on before you know it. You’ll be begging me to step on you like a pathetic worm you are.”

You gave him a tiny little smirk. Just a little twitch.

“Best a luck to you with that, V-vris.”

You watched your team disperse to nearest transportalizers, pulling out your tablet and sending your report as hunger started to incapacitate you. Holy fuck, she was so hungry. How was she even standing right now? It’d only been a day. Day and a half maybe. Why did you have to eat so bloody often? You sighed and eyed the grub station across the street with a grimace.

You should eat.

It was important to eat. 

You had to eat.

You swayed on your feet and staggered towards the cart, your vision starting to tunnel as you struggled to stay up right. She was so hungry.

You were so fucking hungry.

You woke up with a groan, feeling like you hadn't eaten in days. Staggered down the stairs to relieve a hunger you weren't sure belonged to you. At least not in full. 

ED and MT were already up, cooking breakfast together and bickering quietly. ED still looked so out of place, but still, you were glad she was here. It was nice to see her as you knew her, even if was out of place. You slipped between them to get some coffee and make yourself some emergency toast. Her yellow eyes when they met yours were softer than ever. But underneath it all, lay something so dark and painful and inhuman you couldn’t touch it. You couldn’t comprehend it, not even after spending half the night in her memories. You couldn’t unsee it.

It made you nervous. And it made you something else you couldn’t get a read on.

You weren’t sure if it was fear or anticipation that made your stomach knot and your brain static, but you weren’t sure if you wanted to know either way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell is like this vast insane city that radiates out from the center pretty organically. It wasn't planned much or at all in some places so like it's pretty labyrinthine. Eridan's perspective in the memory is pre her relationship with Vriska (obvs but like he does get stronger and that's why they end up with the relationship they had) and on only the third of her total deaths so she's pretty cold, but not as cold as she gets.  
> Also like trying to illustrate how they have similar, sort of adjacent traumas relating to lots of death and shit.


	55. Keep Going

**Be Eridan: Keep Going**

You caved. 

For the next few days you let Kan drag you all over the human settlement you were supposed to call home. You stood in line at a miserable building full of miserable people, so you could prove you could drive and get a plastic medal to brandish in Sol’s face. Taking the actual test was easy and honestly pretty boring, but you did learn a lot bullshiting your way through all the paperwork with Kan. Now you knew what country and what state you were in.

Afterwards, you dragged him to a car dealership and demanded he buy you one if he wouldn’t let you steal what you wanted anymore, and he aquised. 

He gave you a cash limit though, which turned out to be not nearly enough for the one you really wanted, a sleek black moving machine that shone purple in the light. You wanted it so badly you influenced the human who was trying to sell it to you into changing the price. You were pretty sure Kan knew but, he let it slide.

He made you drive to the human school that Sol went to and go through the catalog of classes and pick a few to take together. He took you furniture shopping for your room so you could unpack your books. He showed you different human fighting styles, there were a lot and the options made your head hurt, and tried to make you pick one to learn. You asked him to put a hold on that for the time being, since you’d wanted Tula to show you more about skateboarding and you were already overwhelmed by the sheer amount of time you were expected to spend around humans now. You were expected to be nice to them too, and you weren’t sure if you were really capable. Not to the level of nice he was.

At least you respected Tula, and he wasn’t put off by your shortage of kindness. Plus that meant you got to hang out with Tuna more, and you liked her. 

Her attention was a nice placeholder for Sol’s, which had dropped off sharply ever since you had kicked her out of your room. Her distance felt impenetrable, and you didn’t know what to say to her even if you could get her alone to talk, but she seemed determined to avoid you. You couldn’t exactly blame her, you’d fucked up her whole life, and she was hurting because of it. You could see it on her face when she emerged from her room for necessities, a hardness in her eyes that hadn’t been there before. Or maybe you just hadn’t noticed it. Maybe it came from getting your memories, or her visions of various apocalypses, or the voices of the dead screaming in her mind, or some other awful thing that haunted her. 

There was more to her than you initially thought, more pain at least, like the barnacles on the hull of The Orphaner when you’d first bought her, there was always another layer. With your beloved ship it had taken you weeks to find the wood underneath, and with Sol you suspected it would be much the same, if not worse. You’d been having increasingly more nights where flashes of her memories blended with your nightmares, the Pit, the Horrorterrors, Fef being swallowed by the void, and sometimes her memories were the more horrifying of the two. 

You dreamed of Tav and Vriska too. Of Tav as a Husk, hunting them down through dark twisting streets with Vriska, of finding them only to have Vris start controlling their mindless body, making them walk off the tops of buildings over and over again, except this time Tav was not crying in fear, they weren’t begging for their life, now they were gibbering and mad. With eyes so hollow and black it was like looking into the depths of the Pit. You hadn’t thought your subconscious could get even crueler, but you were wrong, and your guilt was growing worse and worse by the day. The distractions that Kan and Tuna provided you did nothing to alleviate it, and the notebook of Fef’s letters taunted you from your desk. 

You couldn’t bear to read any more. Every time you tried you shut down, but you read the first one over and over. Milking the small reassurance that he was alright, alive at least, and that he still cared for you, even though he shouldn’t. You felt guilty for that too, but you had to find a reason to keep going. You owed too many too much to curl up and die now, and Sol had said you were brave for living after all you’d done. For some reason you believed her. 

For some reason it made you want to keep going.

  
  


**Be Sollux: Strange Funeral**

The day of Mr. LaLondes funeral was the first time you’d spent more than twenty minutes around ED since she kicked you out of her room. You hadn’t exactly meant to avoid her, you were just distracted, cleaning your room and venting to AA while you tried to process shit you should’ve processed a long time ago. It turned out there was a lot of shit left to unpack, let alone just let go and move on from. You weren’t sure you were ever really going to be  _ over it _ over it, but you were trying and that was something.

You’d gotten more of ED’s memories too, strange disjointed snippets from different points of her life. The first time she’d cast a spell, her scraping barnacles of the hull of a ship with another demon, tall with a wild shock of hair and sloppily painted clown makeup on their face, a conversation with KN as you hiked naked through strange dark woods, realizing you didn’t have names, that you didn’t even know what you  _ were, _ only that you shared a sense of having been something else, and now you were something new, something stranger. Watching a large, chubby demon,  _ Tav _ , prepare you food you hadn’t made up your mind to eat yet in a cramped room while they chattered about various, horrifying sounding, creatures. Winning a fight in an octagonal boxing ring, Kan on the sidelines beaming at you with pride as the sounds of cheering swelled. Reading a book out loud, a human book about Merlin, on top of a building under a searing red sky, Fef’s head in your lap, eyes half lidded and relaxed. There was more but most of it was too brief and out of context for you to know what was happening.

The most profound realization you got was that each of ED’s deaths had created almost separate lives, with different relationships and different capabilities. The Eridan you experienced through her memories was still the person you knew, just reflected and refracted like in a funhouse mirror, familiar but uniquely strange each time. It didn’t help you understand her better, it just confused the shit out of you. 

And now you were standing next to each other in a huge ancient catholic church, which had somehow been decorated to the ceiling with pink, and blue and yellow streamers and balloons like a high-school dance, dressed all in white as per the invitations and outfits provided by KN, surrounded by black clad strangers, who you suspected were paid actors, all of whom were sobbing loudly and dramatically. The end credit music for Spongebob was playing faintly from hidden speakers somewhere in the vast space and it only served to heighten the sensation of walking into someone else's fever dream.

Your understanding of the kind of irony RS specialised in only went so far, and this was all completely over your fucking head. 

You looked around desperately for anyone you recognized, ED clinging to your arm with a look of immense distaste twisting her features.

“Sol...! W-why the fuck are they all cryin’ for?” she hiss - whispered at you as you started pulling her into the church, pushing past a few clumps of fake mourners. You spotted DV and JN chilling in one of the pews near the front, also dressed all in white.

“It’s... it’s a funeral... People are supposed to be sad...”

“I don’t fuckin’ get it. I don’t get the point throwin’ a party for a corpse in a box... or all burnt to pieces or whatev-ver it is you people do... It’s not like they’re gonna enjoy it.”

“It’s not for the corpse, it's for the people who are going to... miss the corpse. To celebrate the person they used to be or something like that. I have no idea if that’s what’s actually going on at this funeral, but that’s the general idea.”

“A course the w-witch would make it fuckin’ w-weird.”

“Remember what KN told you this morning?”

She glared at you for a moment before muttering “..Yes.” under her breath.

JN had noticed your approach and had started waving at you excitedly. Her dress looked way fancier than anything you’d ever seen her wear and you suspected KN had a hand in that too. You and DV were both in three piece suits although hers appeared to be in a different cut than yours.

“I’m gonna need to hear you say it ED.”

She sighed heavily.

“If I don’t ave anythin’ nice to say I’ll keep my fuckin’ trap shut, alright.”

You stopped walking before you were in earshot of the other two. 

“If you start getting... confused or freaked out or whatever and need a break let me know... I don’t really know what to expect with all of this and I wouldn’t be surprised if it gets crazier.”

Her expression was icy and unreadable for a moment and you felt a sudden stab of guilt for ignoring her for five days. Your relationship was already so tenuous, and intentional or not, avoidance was not a good long term strategy for keeping things from devolving into the dangerous volatile dynamics KN had warned you of. But then her expression softened and relief washed over you.

“Ok... thanks, Sol. I’m tryin’ to be good for you, I promise.”

“Point of order. You’ll want to save that kinda talk for the bedroom Eridan.”

DV appeared at your elbow and flash stepped back to JN with a shit eating grin before you could even think of hurting her.

ED rolled her eyes and tugged you towards them while you mentally planned several fun mean-spirited hacks for her many, many websites.

“Hi guys, you look great!”

“Hey, JN. You too. Did uh... KN make that for you?”

“Yeah, isn’t it pretty? He’s been plotting this whole thing with Ross and Jade mostly. I’m not entirely sure of the plan here, but I think all of this is just designed to shame his grandparents.”

“Oh, I didn’t know he had... grandparents.”

“They’re not close. I hear things were actually down right contentious between Mr. LaLonde and his parents. They weren’t into his whole mad scientist deal and they didn’t like Ross either. Probably because he’s far too fabulous and well spoken to get shunted into a corner while they collectively kissed Jesus’s rosy clapping cheeks and tried to pray the gay science away.” DV spoke up, leaning casually against one of the pews.

“Fuck, those guys then. Mr. LaLonde is awesome and so is RS. That’s just an objective fact.”

“Word. Speaking of family, where’s yours?”

“Sai’s on her way with MT, there were some... dog related issues, and LA is coming separately.”

There was rattling noise behind the two of them in the pew, and the smoke like specter of 

Joan’s grandpa unfolded into the air behind them, apparently JN had brought his urn. He was honestly the cutest old man in existence, or un-existence, since he was dead.

“Hoo, hoo, hoo! You should’ve brought the pups with you! Would have brightened up this dreary day for sure.”

JN rolled her eyes behind her chunky square glasses as ED jumped backwards in surprise.

“Nono it’s a funeral... it’s supposed to be a little dreary... or somber at least.”

“Oh my! Is that another demon I spy, trying to hide behind the beautiful Sollux?”

“Mr. Egbert, this is Eridan. She’s... a friend.”

“Ah, please call me Nono! And hello, Eridan it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

You nudged her with your elbow when she didn’t respond and she huffed. Clearly she didn’t think much of ghosts.

“Hello, ghost. How-w’s... bein’ dead an all?”

“It’s going quite wonderfully, if I do say so myself, hoo, hoo! I heard you are the person to talk to about... sweets!”

She blinked at him blankly for a moment, before she stepped towards him fiercely, her eyes shiny with excitement.

“I fuckin’ lov-ve sw-weets. Why isn’t eve-vrythin’ sweet? You can do that up here, right?”

You tried not to laugh as ED and Nono sank into an animated discussion about food, and you spotted your mom and sister looking lost at the entrance and excused yourself to go rescue them from the fake mourners. ED seemed to get along with JN and her kin just fine and her bullshit tolerance had definitely gone up so you weren’t worried about her trying to bite DV or anything.

You all hung out for a bit in your corner, soon joined by LA and Joan’s mom, who was much more in the traditional spirit of a funeral than her father’s specter, and then Jade and KN made their way over and explained what was supposed to be happening. It was unorthodox, but of course it was. If this was a celebration of Roxas LaLonde’s life, it had to be weird, ironic, slightly cruel and low-key hilarious, like the man himself.

When RS’s obviously estranged relatives filed into the church, tight lipped and grimacing and a little a terrified of the fake mourners, you were all ready, standing behind the pulpit in line. You hadn’t seen RS yet and you weren’t sure when he was going to show but you assumed soon because the music was changing, becoming a unfamiliar soft and tinkling tune. You glanced at DV and she gave you a thumbs up.

It wasn’t until several minutes after the extended family was seated cautiously in the front row, that he appeared. True to form he was wearing a dress, a black flowy number, and you could see some of the relatives starting to scowl and talk among themselves. When he stepped up to the pulpit a few of them actually got up and left. 

RS only smiled.

“Thank you for coming today, to honor the life and mourn the untimely death of Roxas LaLonde. My beloved father and the most feared scientist in the modern world.”

There was some coughing and squirming as the fake mourners began to wail louder and the room started to darken.

ED shot you a glance and you instinctively took her cold hand in yours.

“As you may know, much of his fortune went to other causes he deemed just, medicine and agriculture, marine biology, preserving the rainforests and the arctic circle, he was not just a physicists and astronomer of unparalleled skill, not just man who valued life and advancement, but a man who cared deeply for the fate of all creatures of the earth, indeed of the cosmos.”

The wailing was getting louder, the music was taking an eerie turn, dark clouds were starting to roll across the vaulted ceiling. More of the relatives were standing, starting to run out of the church in terror, as the darkness spread from Ross like oil, as his eyes started to glow and his aurora started to spike. ED’s grip on your hand turned firm but she stood still.

“Every man, great or not, has a dark side. Roxas LaLonde had flaws. He had secrets. He was an alcoholic, even up till the moment of his death. He was an unpredictable guardian, a man who’s esoteric sense of humor dictated my life to the point of confounding all sense of reasonable logic and logical reason. He was a mad man with impeccable taste in lab coats and liquor. He was a hero, with abominable taste in minimalist furniture and women.”

It was your cue. The wailing was so loud now it was hard to hear what RS was saying, and as you and MT and your mom started raining sparks and strikes of “lightning” from the thick black clouds, the rest of the company fled in terror, except for two. On the right side of the aisle, an older man and woman, holding hands tightly as the chaotic noise swelled and RS seemed to be speaking in gibberish. Everything seemed to come to a peak, it was almost too dark to see and too loud to think, and then abruptly it was over. The mourners seemed to have vanished. The clouds started to lighten and part in places and impossible beams of soft light shot through the holes, illuminating the balloons and streamers mixed in with the vapor.

“Roxas LaLonde was many things... he was a man of science and logic and he was a man of magic and mystery. He was my father.”

RS now spoke only to the man and woman in the first row, the woman's face was streaked with tears but the old man’s face was a hard mask.

“He was your son.”

The man, RS’s grandfather, nodded and a tear slipped down his cheek.

“Would you like to say a few words?”

His grandmother sobbed and clung to his grandfather as he nodded stiffly and cleared his throat. In the huge vacancy of noise, it sounded like he was right next to you.

“... I’m... sorry.”

Ross nodded, tears slipping down his face and you realized you were crying too. Sai was taking your other hand, and you squeezed it tightly.

“Me too... I am sorry for my loss. And I’m sorry for yours.”

He nodded again and stared at the urn. A life sized statue of the man himself, dressed as a wizard and brandishing a wand to the sky with vigor. A fitting tribute.

“... Thank you. I... I think we’ll be going now.”

“Peace be with you.”

Ross’s grandmother stood suddenly, yanking his grandfather to his feet and staring at RS with a violent mixture of hatred, fear and pity on her lined face.

She opened her mouth as if to say something, then seemed to think better of it, her expression crumpling as she shook her head and turned away, dragging her husband with her.

He looked back as she opened the doors to leave, catching the first bit of technicolor rain starting to fall from the clouds above you, floating in the high ceilings like they belonged there, and gave RS one final nod, perhaps of approval, before the door slammed shut and they were gone.

You all stood in silence for what felt like an eternity. The rain falling slowly from the clouds a shimmering mix of pastel pink, yellow and blue, that made spots dance in your vision. 

Finally RS stepped backwards from the pulpit with a laugh, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand.

“Well... that was fun.”

You laughed through your tears and were soon joined by the rest, coming together under Rose’s beautiful magical rain to hold each other and let it all wash away.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm alive! I went through a very stressful move but I'm finally able to get back on my bullshit. Huzzah for that.  
> Also idk where this whole funeral scene came from but I think it works as closure for Roxas Lalonde's death and Ross definitely needed that.


	56. Saved

**Be Eridan: Saved**

You were confused and irritated by the ceremony you’d just witnessed.

But you held your tongue, watching the humans cry and touch each other and cry some more. You didn’t think you’d ever understand their grief, and you didn’t think you could participate without making a mockery of their emotions, emotions you weren’t capable of experiencing in full. You retreated to one of the benches quickly after the initial explosion, to observe and sink into your growing misery. Sol didn’t even need you to comfort her, she had her family and friends. The special bond between her mother and sister you enjoyed a shadow of in her memories, the bond of companionship she shared with her friends. Sol didn’t need you and you didn’t need her either. Your feelings were nothing compared to hers, and you could shunt them away easily, or if not easily, at least with some effort.

Eventually you couldn’t bear watching either and you closed your eyes and leaned your head back, let the weird magical rain drip down your face and through your hair.

“Hey...”

Sol had come to sit next to you, you could feel her warmth, so close but carefully distanced.

“... are you ok?”

“I’m fine Sol.”

“... You don’t... sound fine.”

“Don’t fuckin’ listen to me then.”

You heard her sniff a little, maybe wipe at her nose with her sleeve.

“Fine... I won’t then. You’re actually really fucking sad.”

You laughed and it sounded crueler than you meant it to.

“I ave nothin’ to be sad about. Neither do you as far as I can fuckin’ figure. You still ave Sai. And Tuna. The only person w-who has a right to be sad right now is the witch.”

“There’s no such thing as a right to a fucking feeling. I’m sad because RS is sad. I’m sad because he’s in so much pain and I can’t do anything to stop it. I’m sad because he can’t count on his family to support him. I’m sad because I look up to his dad and he’s dead and I’ll never get to meet him. I’m sad because I know what’s going to happen to him, to his soul, and there’s nothing anyone can do about that either. I’m sad because I realize how fucking close I could have come to losing my mom in the same way, how fragile all of this is. And I’m sad...”

She took a deep shaky breath and you squeezed your eyes shut harder. You didn’t want to hear this shit.

“I’m sad because I know... that what happened to him, happened to you... and KN and everyone you care about and that’s just... the worst. That’s just the fucking worst ED. And I’m sorry.”

You finally shifted your head to look at her. Inside you were trembling with anger but your words sounded cold and distant, emotionless. You weren’t though, you could feel more than you could ever even remember but it still wasn’t enough.

“Sol... I don’t remember bein’ someone else, nobody ev-ver remembers... you understand that right? The person I w-was before I was me is fuckin’ dead and gone; dissolved. They might as w-well have never existed, that's how gone they are. And there is no use grievin’ them or any other fuckin’ demon an w-who they used to be for that matter because it is a choice and it’s not like w-we all don’t know the fuckin’ consequences. Literally every major religion an mythology tells you that one way or a fuckin’ nother. W-we all know that there is a consequence to not lettin’ go an mov-vin’ the fuck on when your life is ov-ver, an again an again we chose to try and extend the fuckin’ stay!”

“ED-”

Her brown eyes were huge and wet and frightened but you couldn’t stop. You were so angry, you were standing up and yelling at the only person who had any real chance of understanding you and you didn’t know how to forgive her for not just  _ getting it _ when you needed her too.

“So no, I’m not sad! Because there is no fuckin’ point in bein’ sad! This is my life an I chose it and so did Kan and that corny wizard adorin’ scientist and there is  _ no point _ in bein’ fuckin’ sad about it!!”

You were breathing heavily, fists clenched at your sides, shaking with the effort of containing your emotions. It used to be so easy to push them aside, but they didn’t used to swell like this. They didn’t used to come out of nowhere and threaten overwhelm you.

Everyone was staring at you, the witch, Kan, Sai, eyes wide with what seemed like horror. Or maybe pity and disgust. You lifted your chin and met the witch’s gaze as proudly as you could. You were about to lose it but you still had some strength left in you. Some ability to hold back the flood.

“... I’m sorry your Dad is gone, Rose. I am. It w-wasn’t fuckin’ fair ta you to lose him like that. But I can’t feel the w-way any a you do about it. I ain’t capable.”

No one said anything.

You turned on your heel and stalked out the church to your car, summoned your purse and jammed the key into the ignition, heart in your throat and stomach churning. You turned it roughly about to drive away from all of this stupid human bullshit, but you couldn’t. Something was coming out of you, something raw and huge, something that you weren’t supposed to be able to feel.

You curled in on yourself, foot on the gas, screaming bloody murder, the only release your body could find for something so wrong, as your car revved in place.

Sol climbed into the passenger seat, but your awareness of her was far away. You knew she was next to you, but it didn’t change anything.

After what seemed like eternity the noise died in your throat, and you were just sobbing against the steering wheel.

Her hand wrapped around your own on the key, turned it and pulled it out.

She didn’t say anything, she got out of the car and opened your door, helped you out and back into the passenger seat, you let her take the key from your hand and buckle you in. You were done crying by then, you’d put up a wall and all your emotions had contented themselves to stay behind it, at least for the time being.

When she got in the front seat and pulled out, you didn’t think you would ever be able to speak again. You didn’t think you would ever have anything to say.

An hour and a half later, you had something to say.

“W-where exactly are you takin’ me?”

Your voice sounded raspy and faint, but it was still yours.

Sol didn’t look at you, her eyes on the road and her sleeves rolled up to her elbows.

“There’s something I think you need to see.”

You left it at that, returned to watching the scenery pass through the window and thinking of nothing. She stopped once, at a gas station near an exit, and you didn’t leave the car. If your body had needs you weren’t capable of interpreting them.

By the time you reached your destination, it was close to sunset, the sun was low and beginning to turn golden.

Sol got out of the car, and this time you followed, sensing this was it. You were on a steep sandy hill, a makeshift parking lot, strange reddish finger like plants carpeting the visible hills as far as you could see. But the moment you stepped outside you knew where you were. The air smelled salty and rich and was sharp with cold. You could hear the sound of an unholy amount of water moving in tandem against the world. 

You knew even though you’d never been. Even though you’d never seen or heard or smelled the ocean before.

Sol reached out her hand to you and you took it, and she led you up the hill and down a winding sandy path, stopping to take off her shoes and socks and carrying them in her other hand and again when it finally came into view.

The water was glistening and sparkling like nothing you had ever seen, bright and wild all the way to the horizon, crashing against huge rocky spires in the distance and dissolving into white foam. There was something about the air that made you want to hold it inside you as long as you could, it made you feel giddy and full with its deliciousness

“Hey. Don’t forget to breathe.”

“W-what?” you gasped, suddenly realizing you had in fact been holding your breath for a bit too long. Sol was smiling at you, sweet and amused.

“I know, the ocean’s exciting. But if you don’t breathe you might keel over and miss out on some of the cool shit.”

“I’m not gonna forget ta breathe!”

“Is that a promise?”

“Yes!”

You tightened your grip on her warm hand and dragged her down the rest of the slope, hiding the heat of your face from her as best you could.

The sand was slightly warm and cool where your feet sank in, and the sound of the waves was exponentially louder on the beach. 

You were laughing with excitement and disbelief. It was so ridiculously huge. It seemed impossible for there to be that much water in one place.

You started taking off for the water line, you had to touch it, just to make sure it was real, only to have Sol jerk you to a stop with her powers wrapped firmly around your arm.

“Wait, hold on! At least tie up your dress before you try to get in there. The water's fucking freezing and you don’t want to be wet all night.”

You huffed at her reasonableness in such an unreasonable place but detached your hands and tied the hem of your dress up to your knees and she rolled up her pant legs as far as she was able.

“Ok, now let’s go. Race you!”

She took off before you realized but you caught up easily despite the advantage her long legs provided her and ran straight into the water until it was halfway up to your calves.

It was fucking freezing. And it was real.

“ Holy fuckin’ shit... It’s real!”

She laughed and joined you in the water, though it didn’t come up nearly as far on her legs.

“No, ED I brought you to a fake beach. Oh shit-”

The water receded and then came back with a vengeance, all the way up to your knees and you yelped at the few extra inches of cold as she tugged you backwards by the arm.

“Sorry, ED I think the tide’s coming in. Uh... that’s what it’s called then water level rise or falls. We have to be careful not to get swept out...”

Her hand slid down to yours again as she led you closer towards the edge of the water and you scowled at the implication that you didn’t know anything about the ocean.

“I know w-what fuckin’ tides are, Sol.”

She turned towards you and raised an eyebrow.

“I thought you’d never seen the ocean.”

You narrowed your eyes in suspicion as you started walking in and out of the foamy water, the cold wet sand forming close around your feet.

“Doesn’t mean I’m ignorant a how it w-works. An... how-w’d you know about that anyways? I don’t remember tellin’ you any such thing.”

She frowned, like she was trying to remember.

“I’m not sure... maybe you didn’t tell me. I might have found out through a memory or something.”

Of course she did.

You held hands and walked in the water, scooting higher and higher away from the rising water as you walked and you said nothing. You didn’t say anything until you were almost to the farthest cliff on the other side of the beach. 

“I’m sorry...”

It came out so quiet, you weren’t sure she even heard you over the waves until she responded.

“About what?”

“About my memories... about earlier... about everythin’... I... I don’t fuckin’ mean to be like this. I’m not tryin’ to hurt you... an I’m not tryin’ to hurt your friends either. I promise.”

She stopped and pulled you higher on the beach. Where the ocean couldn’t reach you. The sun was starting to set in earnest and the light had taken on a burnt orange tint that made you ache for home. For Hell and Fef and Tav and the life you didn’t know was easy.

“I’m sorry too. For not... talking to you until today basically...”

“It’s ok Sol... I know-w you need space an... this had been... really fuckin’ shitty from the beginin’... You don’t owe me anythin’.”

“I don’t know about that...”

You looked at her quizzically and she coughed and looked out over the horizon.

“Look, you have... basically the same rights as MT.”

“An w-what rights does she ave exactly?”

“I mean... if I’m being an anti-social asshole and hiding out in my room for too long, you can just come bug me. You should come bug me, because I don’t... tend to get out of that funk by myself.”

“I know you w-were cleanin’ up in there... an I didn’t w-want to... I didn’t ave anythin’ I wanted to talk about anyw-ways.”

“I think your little outburst today is an indication that you needed to talk, regardless of whether you wanted to or not,” she said dryly.

You didn’t think you could explain your “little outburst” even if you wanted to. Only that it hurt, and it hadn’t gone away. Not really.

“... I don’t know how to... talk about that stuff Sol. I don’t know how-w to... it’s... like w-when it appened... ev-verythin’ w-went... I don’t fuckin’ know...”

“You felt something... and you couldn’t control it. And it scared you.”

“Yeah... except I can’t... I’m not like you human’s. If my emotions get too strong it’s more than I can ev-ven... process. I don’t think I w-was supposed to feel w-what I w-was feelin’... w-what I am feelin’...”

She turned her head and held your gaze evenly.

“You aren’t supposed to feel grief?”

You growled in frustration but she didn’t flinch.

“That w-wasn’t grief! I’m not fuckin’ sad about any a that shit an I told you that a thousand fuckin’ times already!”

“Then what was it?”

“I d-don’t- I don’t fuckin’ know-w!”

“That’s bullshit and you know it ED. You’re avoiding your feelings because you’re scared but you can’t keep doing that. If any of  _ this _ is going to work. You can’t run away from your feelings anymore. And... I can’t either.”

You yanked your hand away from hers in a sudden flare of anger.

“I don’t think you ave any goddamn right to tell me not to run away from feelings I can’t ev-ven fuckin’ understand w-when you’re runnin’ away from me full tilt at ev-very fuckin’ turn!”

Sol matched you in her anger, something you were beginning to become accustomed too.

“Yeah, well that’s going to stop ok?! At the very least I’m going to put in the effort to be... open to you... for you. Because if I don’t you’re going to die forever! You’re going to  _ worse _ than die forever, and I can’t fucking live with that! I don’t want to live with that on my head!”

“Sol...”

She was so distraught she was starting to spark from her hands, clenched furiously at her sides, if she wasn’t wearing her glasses you would’ve seen her eyes glowing probably.

“I  _ can’t _ live with that on my head...! I can’t... Please... don’t fucking make me... ED. Jesus fucking christ please don’t make me.”

You stared in shock at the tear that was sliding down her cheek, catching the red light of the sun before she turned her head and wiped it away roughly, swearing under her breath.

You swallowed hard over the lump in your throat. You had to make her understand you weren’t worth her tears.

“... I’m goin’ to die forev-ver one day regardless... I w-was halfway there before w-we met... My death ain’t on your fuckin’ head no matter w-what happens. It’s not on you.”

Her head snapped towards you again, her expression furious.

“We are joined at the literal goddamn soul and my soul is supposed to fix yours so don’t fucking tell me it’s not on me if this shitty spell doesn’t work and you get erased!”

“You’re overreactin’ Sol.” you said with a firmness you didn’t feel.

She threw her arms in the air, shoes knocking against each other, and almost howled in frustration, spinning away and then back again in the sand.

“No, I am not!  _ Fuck _ ! ED I’m being so freaking serious right now! You have to face your emotions even when they overwhelm you, you have to fucking  _ talk  _ to me and you have to- to- to let yourself  _ feel  _ shit!”

“Sol I _ can’t! _ I can’t! I just... fuckin’ can’t...”

You were crying now and she was staring at you dry eyed and incredulous while you sobbed.

“... why do you always just give up like that...?”

The harsh disappointment in her voice pushed you further into your hysterics. You were gasping for air you were crying so hard.

“Because...! I’m not - not fuckin’ strong enough for this! Scratch w-was  _ wrong  _ ok?! She picked the w-wrong fuckin’ demon because I’m- I’m irre-fuckin’-deemabble, Sol! If my soul heals an I feel the full fuckin’ w-weight a ev-verythin’ I’ve done the guilt w-will crush me ta fuckin’ bits! It’ll fuckin’ kill me! I’ll... I’ll nev-ver be ok again an you w-won’t fuckin’ w-w-want me... you w-won’t...!”

She watched you dissolve into sobs, her face blank.

“... Do you think I’m ok?” she asked softly, once you had quieted down enough to hear her.

You had to shake yourself out of your confusion after you spent a solid minute staring at her with your mouth open.

“... I don’t... understand...”

“It’s a serious question, ED. I know you’ve seen my memories... memories of my apocalypse premonitions... Do you honest to god think I am even remotely ok?”

Her voice turned sharp and you panicked. You didn’t want her to think you were being dismissive of her pain.

“...Sol... that’s not w-what I... I didn’t mean it like that.”

She snarled at you with unexpected vitriol.

“You think you’re so fucking special ED, but you’re not. You aren’t the only one who’s fucked up beyond repair and scared of their feelings.  _ Of feeling. _ I don’t know what the hell it is you did that makes you think you’re so unforgivable, but one day I’m going to find out or you’re going to tell me. And when that happens we’re either going to get through it or we won’t but if you can’t... do _ this _ now. If you can’t stop running away there is no goddamn way I’m going to be able to understand let alone fucking forgive you.”

You knew she was right, of course she was right. But you didn’t want to feel that feeling again. You didn’t think you could bear it.

You held each other's gaze for a long time, till the light started shifting blue and the chill of the wind picked up. You weren’t crying anymore and neither was she.

Finally you opened your mouth, shivering with fear more than cold.

“Sol... w-what if... w-what if it d-doesn’t stop?”

She reached for your hand again and you let her take it. 

“It will. I promise you, it won’t be forever. And I’ll be with you... You can beat the everloving snot out of me if that’s what it’s going to take to get you through this. I’m giving you special snot beating permission.”

You laughed and she grinned at you and squeezed your hand.

It was ridiculous, how much you trusted her. You took a deep breath.

“Ok... ok, I’ll try to... to face it. All a it.”

“Thanks...”

You flushed and scowled, her earnest expression almost hurt to look at.

“I’m not doin’ it for you, Sol. I’m doin’ it... for you but just cause I don’t w-want you to hate me alright?!”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself.”

You rolled your eyes at her knowing smirk and half heartedly tried to pull your hand away.

“Ugh, fuck off... Ok. So... Here...? Should I try to do the feelin’ thing here or...?”

She snickered and shook her head.

“Nah, let’s avoid another beach breakdown. KN got a hotel room for us nearby... so you can lose your shit in comfort. And he also gave me a bunch of runes for you to draw... to protect the room I guess...? I’m not sure exactly what they’re for but he said you should be able to make them.”

“W-when the fuck did you talk to Kan...?”

“At the gas station. And in the car...Don't worry about it, you were really out of it.”

“Oh... alright then...”

You were still frowning and she tugged you closer still and poked your cheek. You flinched away but not much. 

“Come on, princess. Let’s go get some food and settle in... we can come back to the beach tomorrow if you want.”

Your face heated up so fast you didn’t trust yourself to speak, you just nodded and let her lead you back up the hill to your car.

The first human book you ever read was about a princess. It was about a princess who was cursed and had to be rescued from an evil witch by a dashing young man, who was actually a commoner but no matter. You had lost the book after your second death, you couldn’t even remember the title anymore but you used to read it obsessively. You used to imagine, and sometimes even wish, that you were the princess, that you deserved beautiful wonderful things, power and luxury and comfort. That there was a real difference between good and evil. You used to pretend that someone was coming for you when you were sure you’d reached the end. You wanted to be a princess, mostly because princesses got saved, often at the last minute, and by much lesser creatures. But they always, always got saved. 

  
  
  


**Be Sol: Believe It**

You watched ED sweat over the runes from the bed, literally sweat. Clearly drawing them took a lot of effort for her, the violet glow of her magic seeming to stutter out of her fingers and almost run out by the time she had traced the three repeating symbols on every corner of the room. 

Afterwards she flopped on the ground heavily, lying on her back panting slightly with the effort. 

“Holy fuck... Kan’s gotta start rememberin’ that castin’ a glamour is more than enough w-work for me these days...”

She had dropped her glamour with groan as soon as you got into the room and laid face first on the bed, tail twitching for twenty whole minutes while you tried to find food that would deliver to the shockingly swanky hotel KN had booked you. You got the impression KN knew that she would just barely be able to swing it but he asked anyways. Which was concerning.

“What were all those for anyways... he didn’t say.”

“Um... tw-wo wards a protection from intruders an one of silence.”

“Silence?”

“Yeah, so the other humans w-won’t freak the fuck out if I start screamin’ again I suppose. You lot can be rather nosy.”

You forced out a chuckle you didn’t feel. You really didn’t want to hear her scream again, even though there was a high probability you would given what you were asking of her. Part of you wasn’t even sure if it was the right thing to do. Encouraging ED to explore the emotion that had literally overwhelmed her so much she screamed for almost five minutes straight seemed like a textbook better on paper activity. But KN seemed to think you should push the issue, that making her face it was the only way to help. 

You hoped to god or whatever the fuck was out there that he was right.

You watched TV while you ate when the food arrived, sitting a careful foot apart on the single bed. You’d sent KN a few strongly worded texts about that but he said that was all that was available and while you didn’t believe him at all, you weren’t the one overly concerned about the two of you sleeping together. 

ED was one who was scared of clawing you up again, but you couldn’t seem to find much concern about it in your own psyche. Hell, even when she was actively trying to hurt you, dragging her claws over your back and almost breaking your arm, you weren’t scared that she would harm you in an irreversible way or kill you. You were deciding to take this as perk for the time being. You were too resigned at this point to worry about the deeper repercussions of your bond.

ED helped you clean up the takeout boxes without you asking, chugged one of the water bottles on the side table and crushed to almost nothing before tossing it away with the rest.

You frowned, wondering if it would be weird to explain recycling to her at the moment. Probably, but you should say something at some point.

You watched her disappear into the bathroom, suddenly violently aware of how you hadn’t spoken in almost an hour. 

It was at this point you decided that you needed to get the fuck out of the suit, lovely as it was. The band of the slacks was cutting into your stomach and you were uncomfortable enough as it was. You striped down to underwear and the white cotton undershirt you’d been wearing since you didn’t have any white bras and hung them with some intent at straightness on the back of a chair. ED had seen you in a zillion varieties of almost naked and you didn’t have the energy to care much at the moment. You turned off the TV, some sci fi movie you’d never seen, let your legs hang off the edge of the bed and stared at the ceiling. You’d never been in a hotel this nice. Actually you’d never been in a hotel if you thought about it.

You came from a strictly motel family. 

The coolest thing about it was how there wasn’t a single ghost hanging around. This place was so nice it even repelled the lingering dead.

It was unclear how long you zoned out, but it seemed like a long time before Eridan came out of the bathroom. You turned your head when you heard the door open, to find her in a criminally small white slip. She didn’t look at you, just hung up her dress on one of the provided hangers in the corner and picked her way towards you, eyes on her feet.

When she finally met your eyes, she seemed so anxious it made you ache with guilt. Maybe you didn’t have to do this. Maybe she’d be fine if she just kept blocking it out. 

From experience you knew there was no chance of that being the case, bottling up emotions in a regular sense lead to bad crap, but it didn’t mean you couldn’t hope.

She crawled onto the bed gingerly, like she was trying to be light, but her body’s dense muscle made her sink in and forced you to roll towards her as settled on her back. You scooted further up on the bed, till your faces were parallel.

She took a deep breath and rolled onto her side to meet your eyes suddenly.

“So...”

“You don’t have to do this,” you blurted out anxiously, and she laughed softly and shook her head. Her purple forelock was hanging over her forehead, no longer pinned back, and you wanted to push the hair out of her eyes.

“... I do. You w-were right the first fuckin’ time, Sol... I can’t keep runnin’ away an... tryin’ to hold back my feelin’s. I ave a suspicion that’s w-why we’re in this sinkin’ boat to begin w-with.”

You exhaled shakily, trying to get rid of some of your nerves.

“Yeah... yeah, ok. Ok, let’s do this. Or when you’re ready, I guess.”

“I don’t... how-w am I supposed to do this?”

Her face was utterly perplexed and you almost laughed. Nothing was easy, you had to start remembering that.

“Ok... um. Start... Fuck, I don’t know either.”

“Sol!”

“I don’t!”

“You’re human, you ave superior experience!”

“In what way? I’ve never started screaming like a banshee because I got a fucking feeling. I’m more the silent wallowing type.”

“Ugh, you’re fuckin’ useless...”

“Hey! Look you just have to start... feeling it again. And not fight it... just let it pass through you, over you. Find your center... and just... hold onto that.”

She raised one incredulous eyebrow.

“Find my center? W-what the fuck does that mean?”

“Auntie used to tell us that... It means... there’s a part of you that no one can touch, and it’s like your safety. When you get overwhelmed or upset, that part of you never changes and if you can remember that you... won’t get swept away.”

“Does that actually w-work or is that just bullshit?”

“When you believe it, it does, yeah.”

ED snorted derisively.

“How-w often do you believ-ve it?”

You grinned, she knew you weren’t any good at this either.

“Not often enough for my own good... but I make the effort on occasion.”

“Ok... I’ll try to find my fuckin’ center... but how-w do I start feelin’ that crazy shit again?”

You paused, looked at the ceiling while you mulled it over.

“It happened earlier because of what we were talking about... so we should talk about it again.”

You glanced at her and she scowled monumentally.

“There’s nothin’ to fuckin’ talk about!”

“ED...”

“There isn’t! I’m not sad ev-ven if  _ you _ think I fuckin’ should be an that’s all there is to say about it.”

“And that doesn’t bother you at all?”

Her mouth dropped open with surprise.

“Wha-”

“It doesn’t bother you that I’m sad and I expect you to be sad too, for multiple reasons, and you can’t or won’t feel that way?”

Her eyes went wide and she hesitated, worrying at her bottom lip some more.

“Sol... I... A course it fuckin’ bugs me. It’s like bein’ on a tv show-w, an ev-veryone already seems to ave a script an know-w how to act an I... don’t. An I can’t ev-ven fake my way through it because... I d-don’t ave the right background, I can’t feel the same, an copyin’ you guys ain’t an option either. That’s fuckin’ w-worse somehow, like makin’ a mockery a your feelin’s.”

“Yeah, I agree that you pretending to feel like we do would be pretty uncomfortable for everyone... but I told you we could leave if it was too much for you and you didn’t say anything ED. You just tried to bottle up however you were feeling until you had a fucking breakdown.”

Her expression switched from earnest to outraged in a split second.

“I w-wasn’t feelin’ anythin’ other than left out until you started accusin’ me a bein’ sad!”

“Why are you being so goddamn defensive right now? What’s wrong with being sad?”

“I’m not bein’ defensiv-ve! I’m bein’- bein’-”

“Defensive,” you said flatly and she snarled, snapping her shark teeth at you for show.

“Fine! I am bein’ defensiv-ve, because I shouldn’t be fuckin’ sad or upset at all!”

“So you are sad and upset?”

“No, I’m-! You’re missin’ the fuckin’ point Sol!”

“What is the point?”

“The point- the point is... I c-can’t... feel that-”

“ But what if you can now?”

“I shouldn’t! I ave no fuckin’ right to an it’s a pointless fuckin’ endeavor. It’s not like gettin’ all fucked up over one death is gonna fix anythin’... it’s not like it’ll bring the witch’s dad back or keep his soul intact or keep him from forgettin’ this life... Me bein’ sad does nothin’ for anyone an I... can’t...!”

She curled up suddenly, drawing her knees up to her chest with what sounded like a sob. You took this to mean she was starting to feel like how she had before, and reached your hand out to stroke her hair back from her face and touch her cool smooth shoulder.

“ED, you can. You can be sad, it doesn’t even matter what about... you have just as much right to feel that way as any other dumbfuck.”

“No, I fuckin’ don’t...!”

You decided to switch tactics. She was too stubborn for the persuasion approach.

“Ok, maybe you don’t... can you tell me why though?”

She made a harsh wailing sound in the back of her throat that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and seemed to try to curl up even tighter. You sat up and wrapped your arms around her shoulders for lack of anything better to do to comfort her and she shuddered against you, trying to speak through her sobs.

“Because... because I  _ know _ ...! I know-w that the demon that comes from that soul is gonna be just like me. They w-won’t remember or care about w-who they w-were... They won’t be able to, an that’s how-w it has to be. It has to be that w-way...! Fuck! Sol, this ain’t right... it’s not right, I can’t...!”

“You can, you can. You’re doing so good, ED. Just keep talking and... uh let it go.. let it all go.”

“Let w-what go?!”

“You feelings, let them go, let them...” you struggled for a moment, trying to channel Kanika again, she was always so good at sounding wise, “let them wash away and in- in- uh shit.”

ED wailed and you almost jumped out of your skin.

“Soo-oool....!”

You wracked your brain desperately as she sobbed and spasmed.

“Um, uh... Let it wash away and embrace the next one as it comes. Yeah? Can you do that? You can do that.”

She made a noise that was closer to a scream than a yes, and you rubbed her back anxiously.

“Can you- can you tell me what you’re feeling?”

“... I don’t know how-w-w, I don’t...! FUCK!”

She started screaming in earnest, clawing into the bedspread in what looked like agony, and you had to do something. She wasn’t going to get through this if you didn’t do something.

You didn’t think about it for more than a split second, because it was the only thing you could do and you couldn’t just watch her suffer and rub her back and hope she’d come out of this ok.

You took a deep breath in and closed your eyes, tried to believe in your center as hard as you ever had, tried to believe that no matter what there was a part of you that could withstand any storm. You breathed out slowly and focused on the connection in between you, and  _ pulled _ .

It came on slowly, that was what surprised you.

At first it was just loneliness welling up in you, Eridan’s loneliness not your own. It tasted different.

You leaned your head against hers gently as the feeling began to swell in intensity. It was almost sickening now, she was so hopeless. She was so desperate for any attachment she could get. She was so resentful of the ones that failed. She was so lonely.

“Hey... you can share this with me... we’re going to share.”

She squirmed against you, trying to push you away, but you tightened your grip. This was working. She’d stopped screaming, she was just crying now.

“N-no...! Sol let go... no,no,no stop... you can’t...!”

“Too bad, it’s happening... yeah, you’re really fucking sad... holy shit.”

You were crying now, but you weren’t surprised. She was so full of despair it was almost unbearable.

“Why are you so sad ED?”

“I... I... c-can’t-”

“Don’t-” the emotions, her emotions spiked up in intensity and you sobbed into her hair. “... fuck, ok, ok. Don’t try to tell me just... just think about it and try to... try to show me.”

“... no... nonono...” she whimpered into the mattress so quietly you could barely hear her.

“ED please... this is the only way I can help you... Let me help you. You’re not alone, ok?”

For a long tense moment there was only the sound of your respective crying, but then her hands pressed against your stomach, and she gripped your shirt and pulled you closer, her claws ripping the fabric and brushing against your skin in a way that sent a ill-timed tingle of pleasure through your gut

“... Ok.”

Her voice sounded broken and raspy, it was cracking with emotion.

“Ok...”

You closed your eyes again, tried to hold your center calm as you let the barriers fall away, as you heaved the doors of your mind open to her, like you would if you were trying to get a ghost to possess you. It was frighteningly easy to do.

The emotions that slammed into you were like nothing you’d ever experienced, almost enough to pull you under, but you clung to your sense of self with renewed desperation and waited for them to pass you by. It was the only thing left to do.

Afterwards, you both lay there silently in the dim room, staring at the ceiling with dry aching eyes. You fell asleep without noticing, her cold hand in yours, and woke up in the blue tint of early morning, alone except for the sound of the shower in the other room.

You took a few deep breaths, then managed to force yourself upright to suck down as much water as you could find. Two huge fancy schmancy bottles of it.

When ED came out of the bathroom she was back in her slip, her wet hair hanging all the way down to her shoulders.

“Mornin’ Sol...”

“Morning... how are you feeling?”

The question sounded loaded to hell and back, but she gave you a small smile, just a twitch upwards of her black lips.

“I’m feelin’ pretty good... I mean considerin’...”

“Considering...”

You watched her carefully as she moved past you to the dresser, her tail making a pert S shape behind her swaying hips.

She turned back to you, flashing a menu in front of her face like a fan. It was strange seeing her acting so carefree, especially after last night. You couldn’t quite wrap your head around it.

“That’s w-what I fuckin’ said. Do you w-want to get breakfast? They ave room service here.”

You folded your arms against your chest and leaned against the wall.

“Is room service common in Hell or is there another reason you know what that is?”

She pursed her lips, reading the menu studiously.

“Gossip Girl an google, Sol... blueberry bagel... w-what is that?”

“Something you’d probably like.”

“My problem is that I like fuckin’ ev-verythin’... I ain’t got no w-way a discernin’ like the rest a you... W-will you pick for me?”

She thrust the menu at you and then didn’t let go when you tried to take it, so she was suddenly yanked towards you, up close and personal. Her big yellow eyes gleamed in a way that made you mostly nervous and the smirk playing on her lips making you mostly something else.

“... You gonna give me that, ED?”

Your mouth was very dry. Even after drinking two absurdly large bottles of water.

“Maybe...”

“I said I’d pick for you... or are you not ok with that all the sudden?”

You met her eyes, your heart shot up to your throat and you choked it back down.

“Sol...” she flicked her gaze down and then back, “... one a these days you’re gonna ave to stop playin’ games w-with me. Y’know that right? ”

“I’m not the one playing games,” you deadpanned as you yanked the menu out of her hand. Your palms were a little sweaty but you still managed it.

She tilted her head, her eyes lingered on your lips a second too long.

“Hmmph... Not the only one certainly. Don’t get me w-wrong, darlin’, I lov-ve a good chase as much as the next demon... It’s just somethin’ to think about. I’m goin’ for a run... order me somethin’ good, kay?”

With that she spun on her heel and made her way out of the room, the shimmer of her glamour descending over her body just as she opened the door.

You let your head thump back against the wall as she left, one hand fingering the holes she’d torn in your undershirt and muttered “...Don’t call me darling...” as the door clicked shut.

There was little to no chance she heard you, but you weren’t sure if she could really be persuaded to stop either way.

Worse than that was the fact that the pet name didn’t bother you as much as it should have. It didn’t bother you nearly enough at all.

  
  


**Be Eridan: Privilege**

Running seemed like the thing to do. You were bursting with restless energy from the moment you woke up, you needed to move. And since Sol was definitely not in the mood for any kind of sexual exploration, un-fucking-fortunatly, you were left with only good clean exercise as a way to get rid of it.

You’d never felt like this before. Revived. Where you’d only been reluctantly clinging to the reality being alive before now you were fully embracing it. You were feeling zillion things at once but it didn’t make you want to keel over. You had changed.

Sol had helped you knock something loose and now the gears were finally starting to turn. You were no longer trapped in agonizing emotional limbo. You could move on. Maybe even forwards if your shit luck would allow it. 

You ran for about an hour with an easy gait. You wanted to look at everything, you wanted to enjoy salty air in your lungs and the sun slipping over the horizon and dusting the empty streets with pale gold light. You wanted to feel your heart pumping.

The world around you seemed beautiful, miraculous even, and for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, you appreciated the fuck out of it. You were glad to be there to take it in. It wasn’t a privilege that everyone had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoooo idk I just got a bunch of inspiration for this fic. Living in the US is shit right now but I'm at least reasonably safe and comfortable. If there is literally anyone reading this far into this fic I just want to say congratulations on your patience and perseverance. I love you.


	57. So

**Be Sollux: So**

"So..."

"So."

You were watching the ocean from a little nook against the cliff face, on a different less popular beach, taking a break from crawling on the rocks and sticking your hands in tide pools. ED had been very shocked to learn that Earth sea anemones wouldn’t eat your fingers and at how small and harmless the hermit crabs were. You found her hoarding several in her purse and had to shout her down to get her to let them go.

"... W-well I was thinking... we should probably talk about last night. An w-what happened an all..."

You raised an eyebrow in genuine surprise.

"You want to  _ talk  _ about it...?"

She scowled but it wasn’t particularly sour.

"You don't ave to sound so surprised, Sol."

"You sure you don't want to pretend it didn't happen and freak out about it later in the context of some small unrelated issue?"

There was her real scowl. It was so needlessly dramatic it almost didn’t seem natural.

"Kindly go fuck yourself, w-why don’t ya."

"Shockingly, I think I'd rather talk about last night."

She let out a sharp mocking laugh.

"Bein’ a fuckin’ asshole ain't half as charmin’ as you seem to think it is."

"How charming do you think it is, ED?"

She flushed and looked away at the water.

"That's neither here nor there... Last night. Thank you for... sharing it with me. I don’t know w-what would've happened if you didn't."

“Your welcome... I wasn’t sure if it would help or make it worse... but I couldn’t just watch you suffer and not do anything.”

“Well, I appreciate it,” she hesitated for a moment, biting her bottom lip gently. “...Did any a it... make sense to you? Did you understand what I was feelin’ at all?”

“Not really. Except the general bad, sad, mad stuff. It was like... have you ever been possessed?”

“... Yes.”

You were not expecting her to say yes.

“By a ghost?”

She laughed almost silently, but her eyes were hard.

“No, not by a fuckin’ ghost.”

You stared at her until you realized she was not going to add anything else and cleared your throat awkwardly.

“Right... yeah, it was like getting possessed by a really, really mixed up ghost. Like a ghost that doesn’t even know what the fuck is tethering it here. I couldn’t make heads or tails out of it... sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry... I w-was just curious...”

“Did you know what you were feeling? Or do you know now?”

“It’s complicated...”

“I’ve got time.”

You met her eyes and she gave you a small smile, before she lowered her gaze and started tracing a infinity symbol into the sand with her finger, around and around.

“Yeah, I guess you do... Remember w-when w-we’re at the lab? I was talkin’ to Joan... after I had a bit ofa freakout about- w-whatever it’s not important. We w-were talkin’ an I told her that Rose’s dad w-wouldn’t remember his time here once his soul passed through the veil to my universe, an she got really sad about it. An then she said somethin’ like, ‘oh, you’re probably sad too cause you lost who you used to be’, an I w-wasn’t. I wasn’t sad about it. An the sheer fuckin’ fact that I wasn’t ev-ven remotely sad about it... made me sad.”

You nodded slowly, and ED took a deep breath, seeming to gather her thoughts again.

“An then... y’know-w gettin’ those letter’s from Fef... this last w-week, it shoulda been a relief. But instead, I’ve been... It feels like my mistakes are comin’ back to haunt me an I can’t do a single fuckin’ thing to fix any a them. At least not at the moment, an I just... I didn’t know-w if I can ev-ver atone for all the pain an sufferin’ I’ve caused. An w-worst a all a part a me doesn’t w-want to be forgiv-ven for it either way. Part a me thinks... that I belong in the Pit an I deserv-ve to suffer ev-very second I can still draw breath.”

Your heart ached sharply for her. You hated that she felt that way.

“ED...”

“Hold on, I’m not done explainin’ Sol.” 

She frowned sharply and pointedly at you and you tried to shake yourself out of it.

“Right... sorry. Keep talking.”

“... Fuck, w-where was I... damnit you made me lose my train a thought. Did I use that expression right, ‘train a thought’?”

You grinned.

“Yup. Excellent job.”

She gave you a smug little smile.

“Thank you... Oh, right. An a course on top a feelin’ fuckin’ guilty about ev-verythin’ shitty I’ve ever done, I’ve been gettin’ your memories too an it made me realize that... I underestimated you. In a lotta fuckin’ ways. It’s been makin’ me feel pretty shitty. An it's also really fuckin’ clear that you’ve been able to feel things w-with an intensity that I can’t fully comprehend your w-whole damn life... an it made me jealous because I w-wanted that for myself. Just the w-way you feel about Sai an Tuna... it’s amazin’. It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ev-ver almost felt... an I w-want to be able to care about people like that. At least some people. An realizin’ that I can’t, that hurts so fuckin’ much Sol. An then yesterday... happened.”

Instinctively you reached out and took her hand, and she intertwined her cool ring laden fingers with yours and squeezed gently. 

“Seein’ you an ev-veryone... come together like that, an bein' so full a emotions and bein' able to share em with each other it... it made me feel really alone. Ev-ven Kan was fittin’ in an I w-wasn’t. But w-what made is so much fuckin’ w-worse is that, I know... all the realities a becomin’ a demon, and I still couldn’t be sad about it. I know, fuckin’ intimately, that you lose a part a yourself that you can nev-ver, ever get back, an you... you lose a w-whole lifetime a mortal experiences. An it doesn’t stop. You just keep losin’ and losin’ until there’s nothin’ left a you an then you really are a monster. An here I am, the w-worst, most undeservin’ demon in history, w-with the singular chance to escape that fate an I... I- fuck Sol, I w-wish it was someone else. Anyone else. Kan or Fef or Tav... ev-ven Vriska woulda been better. He woulda made a fuckin’ mark at least. I w-wish that human’s w-would stop makin’ that choice. I wish they would fuckin’ stop becomin’ like me. Sorry, I’m gettin' a little off topic here... um...”

“So...”

“So... when you... I’m gonna say accused cause I can’t think ofa nicer word, but that’s harsher than w-what really happened..”

“Alright, that’s fine I guess.”

“W-when you accused me a bein’ sad... it really pissed me off... cause I w-was but it w-wasn’t about the things that I shoulda been sad about. I w-was upset cause I couldn’t be upset. Does that make sense?”

You nodded and she took a deep breath, her mouth a tight line and her grip firm.

“I knew fundamentally, that there w-was somethin’ really fucked up about that an I w-wanted to be able to... to feel like I knew should. To feel like you an all the other human’s feel. An I guess I w-wanted it just badly enough, cause got my wish. But that meant that... I w-was startin’ to ave emotions that w-were... just fuckin’ crazy from your perspective... I mean, technically, you weren’t w-wrong in callin’ it grief. But it wasn’t as simple as grievin’ for someone w-who died or ev-ven for myself. I finally felt... the magnitude a ev-verythin’ I lost, ev-verythin’... I gave up to become a demon... an I understood how fuckin’  _ terrible  _ it is for any other person to go through that too. An... w-with ev-veryone I’ve hurt an killed an helped convert to be one a us... I’ll nev-ver be free a it, Sol. There is no action I can take that’ll make any a it right. But... I understand that now an I didn’t before. I thought it w-would kill me feelin' all that guilt but it’s actually kinda... freein’... Anyw-ways, I guess all a this is ta say... I think I’m finally... startin’ to figure out how to live w-with what I did. But I had to feel all a that...  _ really  _ fuckin' feel it, first ta ev-ven understand the scale a what I did in the first place.”

It was silent for a moment while you processed. You felt like your brain was trudging through emotional quicksand. You pulled your hand from hers and dragged it down your face.

“... Holy shit, ED... That’s... a lot. That’s just a fucking lot.”

“Yeah...”

“Why didn’t you say anything...? When it was happening? We could’ve talked about it, or I don’t know something. You didn’t have to be alone with all that crap. You shouldn’t have been alone.”

Your voice sounded thin and anxious but she just chuckled and rolled her eyes slightly.

“I w-wasn’t capable a  _ fuckin’ talkin’  _ about it, Sol. I didn’t understand much a anythin’ that I’ve been feelin’ the past week, let alone ave the ability to  _ talk  _ about it, until I w-woke up today an I just suddenly... did. W-what appened last night... lettin’ all those emotions that I’ve nev-ver been able to feel come out a full fuckin’ strength... it changed me. I feel like it reset my... w-well, fuckin’ everythin’, basically. Doc Scratch told me... there w-was a point a no return... w-when I w-would change so much because a our bond, if it was w-workin’ anyways, that I w-would be fundamentally different from every demon currently in existence. An I think... this is it. Cause w-we aren’t supposed to know-w how much w-we gave up to keep goin’. We aren’t supposed to be able to grieve like that.”

“It keeps you mean...” you said quietly and she nodded in agreement.

“Exactly. It’s hard to giv-ve a shit or feel a shred a fuckin’ remorse about makin’ other people suffer if you can’t ev-ven comprehend the magnitude a your ow-wn fuckin’ sufferin’. But now I know, so I can... at least try to give a shit, a maybe ev-ven a genuine one, about other people an their bullshit.”

“So what I’m hearing is... you just  _ discovered... _ empathy.”

“Pretty fuckin’ much.”

You grinned and leaned towards her, letting your shoulders bump for just a moment.

“Congratulations... I’m proud of you.”

ED narrowed her eyes at you.

“Are you bein’ fuckin’ sarcastic right now?”

You shook your head no. You couldn’t stop smiling. This was proof Eridan’s soul was actually healing, she was becoming more human. She was changing in a meaningful way and it gave you hope. Maybe this would work out after all. Maybe you wouldn’t have to watch her disintegrate to nothing more than a memory. Maybe you wouldn’t have to feel the bond between you snap. Maybe you wouldn't feel her die.

“Nope. This is actual sincerity.”

“I think you need to w-work on soundin’ a little more sincere when you’re tryin' to be sincere,” she said dryly.

“That’s no fun, and completely out of sync with my character. I’m the mysterious snarky loner, remember?”

“An how’s that been w-workin’ out for you?”

“It has it’s ups and downs...”

There was a pause. You both were looking out at the water, glittering and glimmering and foaming white and clean over the black twisted rocks. It was beautiful here. 

“... An... am I classified as an up or a dow-wn...?”

“... Both... but you’re on the upswing for sure.”

“Do you really fuckin’ mean that?”

You closed your eyes, the sun felt like it was trying to sink through your skin and into your bones. It made you shiver.

You opened them and ED was looking at you intently. Her eyes were liquid pools of sunlight, her glamor making them seem to shift and sparkle with renewed intensity. She seemed more alive than ever before.

She’d lost so much and she was still so alive.

“... Yeah.”

You almost kissed. You leaned in at the same time, with a natural ease that you didn’t question until the last second, when you jerked to a halt an inch away, panic and anxiety exploding in your chest so hard it made you gasp for air. ED stopped too, her eyes full of a question you didn’t know how to answer. 

You turned away sharply, trying to hide your shock from her. You didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

“I-I...! I can’t... ED, I’m thorry... I’m not there yet. I’m not-”

“Sol, it’s ok... you don’t ave to do anythin’ w-with me...”

Your heart was slamming in your ears and you couldn’t seem to get any oxygen into your lungs.

“Hey...” 

Her cool hand was on your cheek, turning you towards her to meet her eyes. You didn’t know they could go so soft.

“... it’s alright... I promise I ain’t goin’ anyw-where, ev-ven if you ain’t ready to kiss me. I promise. It’s ok. Sol, it’s ok.”

You took a few deep shuddery breaths, trying to alleviate the several levels of distress you were feeling. She was stroking the top of your cheek with her thumb. The metal of the ring band was ice cold and it felt so good on your skin. Your skin felt so hot it was in danger of melting off.

You took a few more breaths, leaning into her touch, and they were less jittery. More controlled.

“... Sol? How you feelin’?”

“... Fine... I’m fine ED... you should...” You met her eyes and took another deep breath to steel yourself, “You should kiss me on the cheek.”

Her mouth parted in surprise and she pulled her hand away.

“W-wait, w-what? Are you sure, w-we don’t ave to-”

You pressed your lips against her cheek, cupping your other hand around her jaw to pull her closer. Her skin felt warmer than normal from being in the sun, she smelled rich and strange and good. You wanted to kiss her.

You pulled away. Her eyes were huge and her face was getting more and more purple by the second. You were getting a ridiculous amount of enjoyment just from her flustered expression.

“Sol...! You...”

You caressed her cheek with your thumb and you heard the words die in her throat. When you pulled it away she visibly trembled but her eyes remained fixed on yours.

“Your turn, ED.”

“... Sol, you’re fuckin’ incorrigible...”

“In what way? It’s just a kiss on the cheek. No big deal.”

Her chest heaved in what you took to be frustration.

“People don’t usually kiss each other's cheeks like they’re plantin' a fresh one on a lov-ver or somethin’...”

“People usually don’t kiss each other’s hands like that either...” her face went full lavender but she didn’t look away. “... but we’re not regular people ED. And it’s... what I can do right now.”

She nodded slowly, then reached towards you hesitantly. You caught her hand a pressed a kiss to her knuckles, she shuddered, leaned in closer, slid her hand into your hair to scrunch it between her fingers for a moment and then to cup your cheek and tilt your head.

The kiss that she gave you was surprisingly gentle, but she didn’t pull away afterwards. Her lips were just barely brushing your skin when she asked, “Can I ave one more, Sol?”

Having her so close made you feel almost drunk.

“Ok... one more.”

You gasped as she pressed a rough, passionate, kiss under your jawline, her grip on your face turning firm as she tilted your head back. Your brain stuttered off and you reacted on instinct, grabbing her wrist, digging a hand into her thick black hair and pushing her down to the ground, underneath you.

You stared at each other, panting, her chest was heaving in a way that kind of made you want to rip her dress off with your teeth, the sound of the waves and the gulls seemed shockingly loud for one impossibly long moment. 

“... That... was not my fucking cheek...” you ground out between breaths.

“... I’m sorry, Sol... I got a little carried aw-way...” she said meekly. Not as meekly as she should have sounded, but meek for ED.

You were still on top of her, your brain was not working right and you weren’t thinking coherent thoughts, you couldn’t string words together to respond. You were frozen.

“... If it’ll make you feel better... you can kiss me somew-where else too... wherev-ver you want.”

“...Wherever... I want...?” you repeatedly slowly, still trying to get your brain to construct a basic plan of action to get you out of this situation.

She nodded.

“Yeah, Sol... W-wherever you want.”

You caught the glint in her eye, the smug twitch upwards at the corner of her lips. She was such a fucking brat.

You smirked, you knew what to do now.

“Alright... you asked for this...”

You leaned down and pressed a quick dry kiss right in the middle of her left eyebrow. Her expression as you pulled away was the best thing you’d ever seen, caught dead in the crosshairs of deeply offended and deeply confused, and so hilarious looking that you burst out laughing and rolled off her into the sand.

She sat up immediately, her face veering sharply towards outrage and you laughed harder. You were starting to cry and your stomach hurt.

“Holy shit your face... Ehehe eh heh do you  _ practice  _ that expression? Seriously, ehe heh I have to know...”

“No! An w-what the actual fuck w-was that?!”

“Ehehehe what you deserve...!”

“W-what I deserv- oh, you’re such a fuckin’ ass, Sol!”

“You just tried to  _ trick _ me into kissing you on the lips-”

“I w-wasn’t tryin’ to trick you! I was just giv-vin’ you the fuckin’ option!”

“And you accused me of playing games-”

She stood up suddenly in a whirlwind of sand and billowing white skirts, fury making her gnash her teeth and her tail snap violently back and forth behind her as she spoke.

“You think you aren’t?! Fuckin’ jerkin’ me around, gettin’ jealous ev-ven though we ain’t in a relationship, holdin’ my hand an sleepin’ w-with me an kissin’ me like that, makin’ me feel all kinds a fuckin’ shit I can barely understand! You think it doesn’t affect me?!”

You had stopped laughing. She looked like she was one second away from bursting into tears.

“ED... I...”

“You w-what, Sol?”, she said bitterly, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand.

You staggered to your feet, sand sliding off your pants, and approached her slowly arms raised in surrender.

“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to... You’re right I am a fucking ass. I didn’t think about that shit at all... I’m sorry.”

She sniffed and gave you a small wry smile, more tears seeming to spring into her eyes.

“A course you didn’t... it’s not like I coulda fuckin’ articulated any a that a yesterday let alone a w-week ago...”

“Yeah... still, though. I should... think about stuff like that more. I don’t... I don’t fucking want to jerk you around.”

“I don’t either...”

“Can we establish some ground rules...? Or guidelines, I don’t- I think that’s what you’re supposed to do.”

“Ok... w-well... we should start w-with the facts."

"The facts?"

"Yeah, so y'know, w-we know that we both agree on w-what they are... We know-w that I like you and you... like me... at least as friends... we aren’t in a romantic relationship w-with each other, or anyone else, an we’re equals so neither a us can dominate the other. An w-we’re bonded together... by our souls.”

You flushed and dug your left foot deeper into the sand.

“I like you as more than a friend ED. Bit more.”

She blushed violet and stepped closer.

“Oh. Me too. I like you too Sol, I w-want to... be your partner someday.” She bit her bottom lip and looked up at you through her lashes in a spirited mockery of bashfulness that her gaze gave away immediately as false, “ if you’ll ave me that is.”

You managed with great effort not to laugh and smirked instead. The harder ED tried to seem innocent the stronger she came off as predatory, something that was registering to your messed up brain as cute for some reason.

“Probably. So... rules?”

She frowned, racking her brain.

“... No messin’ around w-with someone else to try an make each other jealous...”

“Yeah, absolutely none of that. Please. And no... pushing or manipulating each other to go further than our comfort levels. Like the neck kissing thing? Don’t fucking do that again. If you want more, just tell me and if I can reciprocate... I’ll reciprocate. Got it?”

She nodded with surprising conviction and it made warmth blossom in your chest.

“Got it. An no fuckin’ gettin’ silently jealous an assumin’ that the other person w-won’t notice. Cause ev-veryone fuckin’ notices that shit. Besides we ave the bond an w-we should be usin’ it to remind each other that we’re... ya’know... close, ev-ven if we can’t talk in the moment.”

“Agreed. And... I want to say... if either of us gets really upset, and we don’t want to talk about something, we get a two day grace period, and then we have to talk about it. With KN around to keep things civil if shits really intense.”

“Ooh, that’s good. I like that.”

“Yeah, I know. I'm a genius. Anything else you want to add?”

“This isn’t so much a rule as it is... a suggestion?”

“Oh?”

“W-well... I think w-we should tell each other... about our past relationships.”

“Oh...”

“Before w-we find out too much through memories cause that’s just... kinda really fuckin’ aw-wkward. An I know-w we both aven’t had great relationships... in the past, an I don’t w-want any that bullshit to mess up w-what we’re tryin’ to do now. Is that... is that cool?”

You smiled softly, she was right. It was nice that she was right.

“...Yeah, that’s cool... and probably very healthy. Nutritious even.”

She beamed at you, downright beamed, clapping her hands in front of her face as her eyes sparkled with genuine excitement. You had to physically stop yourself from stepping back in shock.

“Yes! See this is gonna be so good now-w that I can actually fuckin’ understand my stupid emotions mostaways!”

You laughed and caught her arm, pulled her closer, into your arms. You felt giddy.

“It’s gonna be great, ED.”

She hugged you back, and when you pulled apart you almost wanted to pull her right back.

“Sol...”

She looked at the ground and fiddled with her rings.

“Yeah?”

“Are w-we... um. Is this datin’?”

Your face went immediately red. You hadn’t thought about that.

“Oh... um.”

She took a step towards you, her eyes wide and curious.

“It’s ok if it isn’t... I’m just sure how the fuckin’ rules w-work here.”

You thought about your answer carefully, trying to see your unique situation from every angle to figure out what the fuck it was.

“I guess... technically? I mean we live together, which is kind of weird. Actually that’s the least weird thing about our situation. You’re a literal fucking demon. Um. Dating is like... the process of exploring a possible romantic relationship with someone and since we just agreed to do that in so many words I think... huh.”

“So... w-we are datin’?”

You looked for resistance in yourself but you didn’t find it. You grinned with relief, you could do this. You could take it one step at a time.

“Yeah, we’re dating. I’m dating a literal goddamn demon. Fuck, even that doesn’t seem that weird if I think about the soul bond crap and how a semi-omnipotent cue ball lady wants to use our relationship to open an interdimensional portal.”

She frowned even as she reached for your hand.

“Sol, you’re ramblin’.”

You snickered as you took it.

“For your own good, ED... try to get used to it.”

“Ugh nev-ver... Oh, I almost forgot...” You raised an eyebrow as you started making your way up the beach.

“Soool... I like it w-when you call me princess. So you should call me princess more often. As part a our terms or whatever.”

“Sure if you agree to stop calling me darling.”

She forced you to a stop with a huff and an impressively intense pout.

“... you really hate it that much?”

“I don’t  _ hate  _ it... it’s just... nobody’s ever... I’ve never had a pet name before. It’s embarrassing.”

“W-would another one be better? Sw-weetheart, or um... baby, baby _ doll _ ? Sugar?”

“Uh nope. Those are all worse. Besides, you always call me a baby when you’re trying to insult me and I don’t want to lose that precious tradition.”

“Hmm... W-what if... I promise to only call you darlin’ when w-we’re alone?”

You narrowed your eyes.

“Not even in front of KN...?”

“I promise... not ev-ven in front a Kan. Even though is shouldn't matter since he's our Auspitisce an all, I w-won't say it.”

“... Alright, fiiiine.”

“An you’ll call me princess?”

“Would you prefer to be called that only in private or only in public? Cause those are my two settings here.”

She thought about it for a moment before she decided.

“Priv-vate. It’s more special that w-way.”

You grinned in relief.

“Sweet. I was hoping you would say that. I don’t think my ego would’ve survived publicly calling you princess all the time.”

“W-why’d you offer me a choice then?”

“Didn’t you tell me that choice is the most important thing for demons?”

She smiled at you again, one of her genuine sweet smiles that didn’t thinly veil anything dark or manipulative. You hoped you were going to stop finding her genuine expressions of happiness a little unnerving soon.

“I suppose I did...”

“So.”

“So...”

“Lunch?”

“Fuck, yes I’m starv-vin’. An my little friends are probably gettin’ hungry too.”

“Goddamnit ED, you can’t take the hermit crabs home.”

“But they’re so cute... an their little claw-ws Sol. I mean seriously, w-who do they think they’re gonna hurt with such useless fuckin’ appendages?”

“But they’re wild animals-!” 

You sighed in frustration at her determined pout.

“I’ll tell you what... let these ones go... and we can go to the pet store tomorrow and get you a pet hermit crab. You could give one-”

“Six.”

“Two.”

“ _ Six. _ ”

“You can get  _ two  _ hermit crabs a better home and leave these guys to enjoy their real home and won’t that be just fucking peachy ED!”

She folded her arms over her chest.

“I ave ten in my bag an I’m not goin’ less than half a that.”

“Five then, whatever!”

“... I’ll do four. Cause I know-w you like ta do things in pairs. Two’s I should say.”

You stared at her, breathing heavily with frustration.

“Ok, One. Your ability to aggravate me is unprecedented and super effective. Two. I never fucking told you that.”

“You as good as. You fuckin’ talk to yourself w-when you’re codin’ Sol. you’re always sayin’ shit about how you believe in tw-wo’s an how much you love binary- w-which means two-”

You cut her off with an unexpected snort of incredulous laughter.

“ED, I know what binary is.”

“I know you know, I’m just sayin’ it ain’t hard to notice you gotta bit a an obsession w-with the fuckin’ number. So... outta respect for you I’ll get four hermit crabs instead a five.”

“Ok, well... thanks. Let’s put the other ones back though before they eat something demonic in your purse and turn into supreme evil douche crabs.”

You tugged her around by the arm and started leading her back towards the water.

“The only thing I have in there is some sweet buns from that store w-where you used to w-work. Wrapped a course.”

“Gross. Those definitely need to get thrown away.”

“... Do you think they’re gonna be ok?”

“Hell no. They’re probably nasty by now.”

“I meant the fuckin’ crabs Sol.”

“Oh... yeah. I mean, as ok as crabs can be. This is where they’re supposed to be... this is home to them. You could give them the most perfect hermit crab terrarium ever built and they’d still rather be here.”

You reached the waterline and she pulled her purse out of thin air, the angler fish's face seemed to leer at you sideways as she knelt down and opened it. The first two crabs were trundling out of the bag onto the wet sand in minutes and others began to follow shortly.

“I guess I just wanted to protect them. The ocean seems too big to be a safe place for them, but if it’s where they belong it’s where they belong. Maybe instead a keepin’ the pet ones I should bring them here too.”

“Well... you... can’t...?”

You winced preemptively, sensing that this bit of information would not go over well.

“W-why the fuck not?!”

“Because they’re different... than these ones. They have diseases that these guys don’t and... they could kill off the wild ones and they probably wouldn’t survive that long out here anyways. The brightly colored shells are like seagull beacons.”

The tenth hermit crab was the smallest and it barely made it out over the lip of the purse before it joined the others, crawling across the sand in different directions and avoiding the swelling tide.

“So they’re fuckin’ corrupted then. They can’t go home anymore... just like me.”

“What do you mean?”

She stood up with a sigh, brushing the damp sand off her knees.

“I ain’t ev-ver goin’ back to Hell now Sol. I passed the point a no return.”

“For real?”

“For real.”

“Fuck... I’m sorry.”

You were. You never ever wanted to go to Hell personally, it seemed like a truly horrible place, but it was her home. She’d spent her whole life there.

“Don’t be... I mean, I do miss it. I miss it so fuckin’ much sometimes, but the only reason I can is cause I’m here w-with you. An that’s a lot fuckin’ nicer than the alternative.”

“Yeah... I gathered.”

She took your hand and you watched the crabs disperse.

“I’ll just make a really fuckin’ nice terrarium for my pet hermit crabs. A crab palace so to speak. They’ll be my grateful an adorin’ subjects.”

“And you’ll rule over them with an iron fist.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary. They’re only fuckin’ crabs.”

“Well, I’ll back up your regime no matter what, ED. You have my full support.”

“Thanks, Sol.”

You felt more at ease than you’d felt in a long time, holding her cool hand and watching the water rise and fall. You felt happy. Maybe it was crazy to feel that way, in fact you knew it was crazy to feel that way with everything that was happening and had happened and could happen, but you didn't really care anymore. Your life was always fucking crazy. You were used to it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out really long but I feel like it accomplishes everything I wanted it to so I'm pretty happy with it.  
> And holy shit they're officially dating I didn't even plan that but I'm into it.


End file.
